I’ve wanted to do a success story for a while, and what better time than less than 30 minutes after relapsing on my 175 day streak? For some background information, I’m 15 years old
and started masturbating around the age of 12, although at that age it was a rare thing and I didn’t look at porn that much. This might get a little boring, but I’ll try to keep it concise.
Around the time when I turned 14, I started getting very obsessed with masturbation and porn, getting into really crazy fetishes. I got to a point where I masturbated at least three times a day and it didn’t even give me a rush, just kept me from getting withdrawal. Although I was socializing pretty well at school, I had few people who I could actually call friends and I spent 100% of my free time in my room alone, playing video games and masturbating.
Around October 2014, a few months before my 15th birthday, my friend brought up NoFap to me, and how he was starting it and how great it made him feel. He was not the first person to tell me about it, I had heard about it before but had never seriously considered doing it. And even then I didn’t consider it. I teased him for it and kept masturbating at least once a day to very extreme and depressing media.
I don’t know exactly what happened, but around December I started to make the connection with my low social life and excessive masturbation. So I went back to my friend (he’s a great guy) and he told me all about NoFap, and I thought I’d give it a shot. I only one or two relapses before I got on my first serious streak. It was for 30 days, however I would still have the really bad habit of giving into temptation and looking at porn, which eventually led to a relapse.
After that relapse, on February 16, I decided that I would take this a lot more seriously. That was the last time I relapsed until a few minutes ago. For the first few weeks, I still occasionally looked at porn because of the strong temptation, but my will got stronger and the urges got weaker and it dissipated. It took a few months, but my social life started to grow a lot. I started spending a lot more time with other people, had my first kiss and my overall happiness increased a lot. I used to have social anxiety, and that completely went away. My motivation to better myself also increased. I started eating better, taking cold showers and working out. NoFap wasn’t a big conscious part of my life because I never browsed the sub since my urges had gone away almost entirely, it rarely came to my mind.
That is, until about three weeks ago, when I looked at porn again for the first time in months. It was only for a few seconds, but I willingly looked for it. Not a big deal, however I don’t think I disciplined myself enough for it. Ah, now come the mistakes I made today. I was browsing the web, and saw a link to /f/ (4chan’s fashion thread) and it made me think me of /b/. So, being lonely and horny, I went to /b/… First big mistake. Just looking one thread with porn was like a cocaine addict looking at coke for the first time in months, because that’s basically what it was. I snapped out of it, and went for a run to try and reset my brain. When I got back, I went back onto my computer in the basement, alone…. Second mistake. I was able to focus on other things for about 40 minutes until I peeked again. This time, the urge was even stronger. I got obsessed and started binging, looking at all the NSFW threads, however not still not touching myself… little did I realise what would happen.
I was getting so ecstatic off of this extreme porn and erotica on /b/ that I came in my pants without even touching my dick. As soon as it happened, the high went away instantly and I started to feel like shit. I rushed to the bathroom to take a cold shower and came downstairs to change into clean clothes. I’m still grossed out with myself and disappointed with my lack of willpower (it’s only been 30 minutes), but I know it’s just a small battle in the larger war against PMO. I know that one relapse after months of NoFap isn’t going to send me back to the start, it’s only a setback, and one that I will exceed soon. To all fapstronauts– stay strong and keep your head up. Learning about NoFap is one of the greatest blessings you have received in life and if you stick with it, it will make you a much better person.
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