I am 34. Been fapping since age 12 or may be even 11. Excessive fapping had turned me into a lethargic, skinny, demotivated guy since my teen years.
In my teen years it was hard to obtain porn so to get the dopamine rush I had to escalate my fantasies into more weirder stuff so I started fantasizing about my own relatives. I was so messed up.
Even when I became 18, 20, 25, 30 I wasn’t growing as a man. I was still being that Boy jacking off to fantasies and porn. I had been with 5 women and with all 5 I failed to get an erection enough to penetrate. Looking back, I can see that I had PIED since age 21. I either finished myself off by masturbating or asked the girls to do a handjob. My penis would only respond if touched by hand. Also I found I had to imagine about porn to get erection during sex, even tho it was only a partial erection. I got married by 33. It has been 1 year since.
In this 1 year I used to masturbate as soon as I am alone. I found sex with my wife not arousing enough. We only used to have sex once a month and even that, with not enough erection to penetrate. Most of the times I had to finish myself off. I used to come up with many excuses like I am tired or I need to wake up early or things like that. I found masturbation to porn more interesting.
By this time I had turned into a numbed-to-emotion, tired, socially anxious, zero confident, paranoid guy who would see sex in every single female I meet. I had escalated to masturbating to incest porn and the relatives I used to fantasize as a teenager- I started to masturbate to their photos. I don’t know who I was. I was going deeper and deeper into the abyss. I would see females as body parts and not as a living breathing human. I would argue with my wife, and never be there for her. I don’t know why she never walked out.
Then I stumbled upon this subreddit. I learned about PIED. All these years I been told masturbation and porn is good. Now I see the deceit. I lost 22 years to fapping. I started nofap 75 days ago. It felt great till day 15. I became energetic, lively and less sleepy. I also did quit facebook which helped me to speed up my recovery.
From day 15 the cravings started to hit me hard but I stuck to my decision. By day 30 I noticed my social anxiety is almost gone and people started to talk to me normally and I got the natural ability to talk and joke to people and I could walk into a room full of people without being anxious.
I moved from hot shower to cold shower from day 35 and I am still doing it. I had my first wet dream of life on day 38. I started to notice my penis starting to look bigger and fuller. By this time I would get an erection even by hugging my wife. On day 52 I had sex with my wife. My pied was 60% gone. I maintained a solid erection just enough for penetration and didn’t lose it while putting on condom.
My friends, that was the first time I felt what having sex felt like. All these years I was missing the real thing. It was amazing and i successfully ejaculated. After about 10 mins I was hard again but I didn’t do it.
I had sex again 10 days ago and my pied was about 80% gone, I maintained erection throughout and my wife was asking me how come my penis look so big all of a sudden. In my 34 years, I have had never felt like a Man before.
Fellow Fapstronauts, please stick to nofap. It is worth it. Use the nofap emergency every time you think you are going to relapse. Remember, you are not doing this so you can have countless sexual encounters. You are doing this because you can have a good, solid, worthy, meaningful, and loving relationship with someone someday and Not see females as equipments for pleasure. Good luck and keep winning.
by Neo4444
UPDATE – It is like I’ve been in a coma for the last 33 years and i suddenly woke up
Hi all, It is exactly how i feel now. It has been a while since i posted here. But I regularly do check this sub.
So it has been about a year since I DISCOVERED Nofap. I had 11 relapses before my first 90 day streak. See that I put ‘discovered’ in caps. it is because once you have the knowledge about something, it won’t be easy for anyone to fool you. In the above sentence I did not say ‘since i STARTED Nofap’. I said DISCOVERED. It is because I had many relapses before I could get a steady long streak.
But after each relapse, the knowledge of what PMO is doing to me kept me going for another streak. I picked myself up from each fall and kept going. Because I had discovered something and you CANT UNLEARN once u learn something.
So fellow Fapstronauts, you are not PMOing like a zombie and going on with your life like a numb, mechanical, anxious unhealthy person. You have the knowledge now. It is just a matter of finding that steady streak and trust me every time you pick yourselves up and start another streak laughing at the relapse, you are getting one step closer.
You have something those others don’t have. KNOWLEDGE. Keep going.. And one day you will win.. Peace
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