I am a 40 year MBA, white collar professional. I have been watching internet porn for 7 years. I became aware of it as a problem about 4 years ago when my wife said she was not sexually satisfied because the only time my penis was really hard
is when I was having an orgasm. Wow! Talk about a punch in the gut.
So I went clean for 4 months saw substantial improvements in my sexual performance. But my fetishes slowly lead me back down the path of internet porn.
Like you, I blamed my wife for not being open to engage. I excused my activities by telling myself that at least I wasn’t cheating. Great, but guess what, the PIED returned with a vengeance!
I have two fetishes (female feet and buttocks) that have, just as you described, progressed into healthy dimensions. I have entertained the idea of prostitutes because sane women aren’t into the type to things my porn addiction has nourished.
This is essentially my question. How can you determine that a fetish, if enjoyed by two people, is as you suggest “light” and healthy between two loving and consenting adults? Versus something that is a destructive abomination?
I have had a foot fetish since I was 7 years old. I have not be able to source the code as you so eloquently described, but I have memories of massaging lotion into my aunt’s feet at every chance I could and finding it very enjoyable in a way a 7 year old, pre puberty mind could not explain.
And at 18, while in college before the internet was viable, I discovered I enjoyed (excuse the phrase) ass worshipping. Neither of these were porn induced, however porn has taken them to new unsavory heights (i.e. femdom, verbal humiliation, Full TT, etc.) or I guess lows.
You are now at 90/10. It seems you are fighting the 10% by actively swatting away the gnats. Obviously PMO is off the table. I totally get that! But should I work to omit sexual role play i.e. fetish from my life altogether even with real women?
Thank you for taking the time to write your original two posts. I hope you can find the time to share further.
Mindz Free
BY – Mindz Free
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