I never thought I’d see the day. I am no longer gripped by the addiction of porn and masturbation. I don’t have any urge to look and I am happy with my life. I will briefly talk about my story and maybe some people here can benefit. I’ll also give some suggestions for those who are struggling.
Some possible triggers for the rest of the post.
So I grew up in a mostly secular home, and thing like porn and masturbation were never seen as a taboo. I started masturbating around 12 years old and loved it honestly. I would mostly just think about the girls in my class that I like while jerking off. But around 13 or 14 all the boys in my class told me about internet porn. I didn’t have an impulse to watch it before then, but I thought let’s give it a try.
I didn’t want to watch another man having sex so I started with lesbian porn. I fell in love with it. I loved how the girls would please each other. I became hooked and always looked forward to it when I came home from school.
At some point it transitioned from lesbian porn to femdom porn. I became a femdom porn addict from that time forward. I got into many aspects of it like humiliatrix, male chastity, findom, male slavery, ass worship, ect. Anything femdom, for the most part, got me going. I didn’t care about chasing real girls. I just watched femdom when I was horny, and then went on with my life.
I knew while doing it that something was wrong. The porn I would watch seemed super weird. I also thought it was weird how much of a lack of desire I had to get an actual girlfriend. But ultimately, I was hooked and the pleasure I would get from the femdom porn outweighed my desire to cure myself.
At some point in my late teens I also grew very dependent on alcohol. I was drinking large amounts of it everyday, usually by myself. It was a problem that I needed to stop. So I did what a lot of people do when they need to quit alcohol, which was turn to religion. In my case it was Islam.
Note: I don’t want to make it seem like alcoholism was the only reason for joining the religion. I had read a translation of the Qu’ran cover to cover and it moved my heart. Made me want to convert. But my drinking problem pushed me over the edge.
Shortly after converting, I decided to make an account on this website. I knew that porn and masturbation were sin, and that I needed to wait until marriage to have sex. If it wasn’t clear by now I was a virgin. I figured the community here would help me on my way.
But what actually ended up happening was a vicious cycle. I would watch femdom porn, masturbate, feel bad, shower, repent to Allah, then come here and vent. Each time it was “never again”. But it always happened again. For years. Many years honestly.
Fast forward about 5 or 6 years and I started losing faith in Islam. I won’t go into too much detail about my de-conversion. In short, my main issue was that I lost faith in the day of judgement; that everyone that ever lived will rise from the dead. This started to seem too fantastical and unrealistic. Eventually, I lost my faith in Islam all together. I am still vaguely spiritual (I’m not an atheist), but I have no interest in organized religion at this point.
So after the de-conversion ended, I started to reflect on my life and realized that I was a late 20s virgin. I figured I should find out what sex feels like. So I decided to make a dating app account.
To my surprise I was getting matches and dates really easy from it. I wasn’t on “Chad” level or anything, but I could average 1 to 2 dates a week. Not matches, but dates. Looking it up, this does not seem to be the case for most guys. I concluded that I must be at least somewhat handsome, which I didn’t fully realize before.
After about a month of using it I girl I met decided to hook-up with me. Note that I was still watching porn and masturbating at this time. I told her I was a virgin and she was confused. She thought a guy as “hot” as me shouldn’t be a virgin at my age. However, when I got back to her place, I could not get an erection so I remained a virgin. She ghosted me not long after that night. It was humiliating to be honest.
Shortly after that event I knew that I needed to give up porn and masturbation. My choice was simple. Either watch porn or get laid. I chose getting laid.
A few weeks later I met a girl who is now my current girlfriend. She was super supportive about me being a virgin and we took our time. I lost my virginity with a condom on. The sex wasn’t great but I was happy to no longer be a virgin.
Shortly into the relationship we stopped using condoms. That is when I realized what the hype about sex was all about. Once I had sex without a condom, the thought of jerking off to porn seemed silly to me. It was like my third eye opened or something. Nofap became easy.
People often wonder if porn induced fetishes go away. I would say yes and no. Some of the extreme stuff I would watch doesn’t interest me. But we do incorporate ‘soft’ femdom into our dynamic. For example, she generally takes the lead during sex. She sometimes pats my head and calls me a “good boy”. We incorporated the chastity fetish in some extent. I don’t wear a cage, and never will, but we agreed that she can masturbate whenever, but I can only cum through sexual contact with her. This turns us both on and makes us happy.
So what is my advice? Honestly, the easiest way to give up porn is to start having sex. If you are already having it, then really embrace your partner. Make it all about them. If you aren’t having sex then I recommend getting a girlfriend. Waiting for marriage is a mistake in my opinion.
If you need tips for getting a girlfriend, or even sex, my only advice is this. Try. Really try. Don’t half ass it and pretend like you are trying. Make it your top priority. Give it your all.
Anyways that is my story. I hope those struggling can take away something from this. Thank you for reading.
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