I am super happy and proud to have done 120 days of NoFAP hard mode.
90-120 days have been the toughest. More than the initial 30 days. Lots of urges and temptations. I was doing fine and was planning to introduce sex and O into the mix if the opportunity posed itself as I was back into dating. I think I didn’t handle it well as got my emotions mixed up.
Here is what happened on the 121st day which will mean I have to reset my counter.
Yesterday, I was going to meet up with a woman for a date and I knew sex was on the cards. I was really nervous about it as I hadn’t had sex in 6 months or MO’ed in 4 months. Also, I was anxious about my previous PIED and premature ejaculation problems before NoFAP. I didn’t want to go in with not having an O in for four months and put on a bad performance with this person. The nerves got the better of me and I MO’ed before leaving home – no porn or anything just a quick MO to take the edge off of our date. The date and whole evening itself went well. The sex was good I was a little anxious through it but enjoyed it.
This morning I feel alright. I don’t have that shame or guilt of having MO’ed. But I feel a little sombre about it and it appears my recovery needs a lot more focus and manage anxiety about dates, sex and find a better way to deal with it and address the underlying issues with PIED and PE.
It has been a bitter sweet feeling today as I am proud with what I have achieved in 120 days and also have gone through something last evening that undermines all the effort and recovery. I will keep at it but 1 thing I am sure is I don’t want to go back to P or M.
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