I didn’t think I would feel any different today after passing various milestones on the way & not particularly feeling one way or the other. Then I had a moment early when it occurred to me that I did it & I feel elated.
I started my NoFap journey officially for NoFap September 2014. Not for the right reasons either. I had a masturbation habit ranging from 3 to 8 times a day! A part of a fetish I was indulging in heavily had a “tease & denial” aspect where I would be forced to go without orgasm for long periods of time. Which when I thought about it logically seemed funny because in reality I wasn’t going without orgasm for long at all.
So when I began I remained fantasizing & watching porn to keep myself in a heightened state of arousal. After about two weeks I relapsed. I realized if I wanted to make my goal of 30 days at the time, the porn had to go. I didn’t think of myself as addicted to porn for some reason. The first two weeks without porn were tough. It had become so ingrained in routine I would often just sit there & stir at my phone or at my computer screen as the only things running through my head were searches & urls for porn sites. After 2 weeks staying away from porn became pretty easy.
Which brought me to a tougher problem. Several years before I had regular access to porn in my life I had been excessively masturbating to fantasies. They had already taken on a link bent before the porn, the porn on made them worse.
I couldn’t wrap my around not fantasizing. My first big streak of 34 days came to an end in October after I orgasmed hands free. Constantly fantasizing left me in such a heightened state of arousal all the time it made this possible. And I knew as soon as that happened I was in for a tough struggle.
Fast forward almost a year later & through various changes & challenges having not beaten my best streak of 34 days, I had settled into just trying to masturbate less. Through the spring & summer I had a relationship that came to an end in the fall. Through that I had fallen back into old habits pretty hard.
I re-dedicated myself to NoFap as my 1 year anniversary with it approached for September 2015. I slip & fell a few. Even fell back to old habits for several days. Picked myself up again & started over. Something finally clicked. Kept fantasizing to an absolute minimum. No edging whatsover. Started forging new habits.
My workout routine has more than tripled. I feel at peace like I haven’t since I was a kid. My apartment has never been so consistently clean. Life just keeps getting better.
That’s why I’m continuing indefinitely. The sky is the limit & I want to keep ascending. I have a long ways to go in many regards, but now I feel I have to tools & the positive frame of mind to accomplish anything I set my mind to.
It feels amazing.
“Never give up. Never surrender.”
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