Lately I feel like I’ve seen a lot of depressing posts on nofap. People post that they relapsed, want someone to make them feel better, or they’re depressed because they are having a hard time quitting PMO and are struggling. I’m tired of all the weak shit. It’s not just some of you out there, it’s me too. Hence my name. I’m sick and tired of this shit.
I got tired of feeling like shit. I got tired of not being able to control my urges. I got tired of not being able to feel confident/natural, how I felt my normal self should be. So for those of you just starting out, or even for those who have been working at it for a while but just haven’t made any significant progress, let me list a couple things that you should know, that I think will help.
1. Embrace the struggle.
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor. ~Alexis Carrel
What we’re doing here is literally changing ourselves. Our brains have undergone actual physical changes due to the extensive porn consumption. Check out this link for some more info. If you work out, you get sore. It’s uncomfortable. Why should changes in the brain be any different? Fact is, if you are tempted and are resisting and saying no, you are CHANGING YOUR CIRCUITS IN THE BRAIN RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Your reward circuits are based off dopamine. They want a hit. So they go through their usual route, which is for many of us here, porn. That’s when you get urges, and when you say no to that path you throw your reptilian brain for a spin. It has a bit of a “what the hell just happened”. You’ll be tempted again and again, and you keep saying no. Your brain will just have to seek for dopamine elsewhere. However, it’s not easy. If you imagine the choices you make as paths through a forest, then the choice to go to porn is beyond a well trodden path, by this point you’ve laid fuckin brick and mortar down, with giant electric neon lights flashing saying go here! This path rocks! You have to choose against that, and find that small break in the bushes, that overgrown path that’s barely visible because it’s never used. Whether for you its music, instruments, reading, going outside, meditation, any habits. Choosing to go down that overgrown path is hard. Sloppy footing, branches in the way. You’ll start walking and think this path sucks. I’m not enjoying this. It’s hard to walk, it’s certainly not fun, and it’s nothing compared to the main route I take. The difference is the main route is all about distracting you along its path, and when you arrive at the end, it’s just an empty, barren pit of despair. All the bells and whistles were just to distract you on your way. So, embrace the struggle. When it’s hard, it’s because you’re doing something you’re not used to. You are changing your brain chemistry on the spot. New neurons are firing, pathways that have been declining are being used again, being nurtured and growing. You’ll clean up those paths. You’ll grow stronger and be able to traverse them easier, you’ll learn to enjoy the peace and quiet they offer. But be careful, just because those paths have grown stronger…..
2. The road you’ve made to porn hasn’t gotten weaker.
If you’re like me, then you’ve spent years and years building that path. You’ve laid down brick and mortar, and that shits built to last. Just because you haven’t gone down that road in a couple days, weeks, even months or years, does not mean it’s closed. Every time you decide to go down a path you have to walk by the Las Vegas strip that is porn. And you know what? The Strip doesn’t just let you walk by. After about a week of not using porn, the part of your brain that is wired for porn will get more sensitive, and you’ll get stronger urges. You’ll be more sensitive to things that will remind you of porn. You’ll be more suggestible. This is akin to you walking by that Strip, and as you walk by they have fireworks going off. They have music blasting, there’s a party and they’re doing everything they can to get you to walk down that path again. Even when you choose to go down somewhere else, those bastards have put up signs about the parties they’re throwing. How they’re awesome, how they are having a grand old time. You don’t have to come in, you can just stop by, check it out. No worries friend! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, just check it out.
Don’t be fooled. Nothing’s changed. The path leads to the same place, regardless of how flashy or colorful it seems. You knock on the door, you’ll get pulled inside, and even if you manage to fight your way out, they know they got your attention, and they know that it works, and they’ll keep trying to get you to come back.
That being said, after a couple weeks they’ll tire out. There won’t be any more signs put up on your other paths reminding you about the parties at The Strip, no more fireworks, etc. Although you know The Strip is still there, it’s easier to put aside and to say no. However, you still have to be careful because…
3. The Strip lies in wait.
Those circuits in your brain have been strengthened over and over. Though it was made tough, it will get crumble and degrade slowly if you ignore it and choose to build up other pathways. However, it doesn’t completely go away. Yes, there are weeds between the stones, some overgrown billboards and buildings, some of the neon lights have broken down, but that path is still there. And it may have been months or even YEARS since you’ve gone down that path, but if you decide to linger about, a little guy who works down at The Strip will come talk to you. He’ll remind you how lively this place was. How fun. How the fireworks were glorious, how the music was blasting and just what a fantastic time the journey in here was. How pleasant it was to walk here. There was no pit of despair at the end. What pit? No that was just baloney. It’s just been a while and you’re just remembering incorrectly. And you know, why not? Why not one more stroll down memory lane? Just for old time’s sake. You don’t have to stay. You don’t have to rebuild it back to its former glory. Just check it out, he says.
Fuck that guy. He’s full of shit. Tell him to go fuck himself because you know better. If you do choose to listen to him, thinking This is the last time, just a quick look and to come stay a minute, he’ll convince you to stay for a couple more minutes. An hour. And while you’re distracted he’ll turn on some music, get some entertainment, start the party, and start rebuilding. And this fucker works fast. Before you know it, the weeds are gone, the neon lights are bright, the streets are repaved, and the place is alive again. And right as the party gets good, right at its peak, he’s gonna open the door and throw you out into that deep pit full of garbage and shit. Because that’s where The Strip leads, every time. And its while you’re crawling through the muck, trying to climb out of that pit, is when you remember, Fuck, this is exactly like last time. How did I forget how disgusting it is here? How did I forget how lonely it is? Why did I decide to check out this place one more time? Didn’t I say no more? Didn’t I say the last time I was in here, that it was gonna be the last? And this brings me to an important point because…
4. Either the last time, was the last time, or there will always be a next time.
I’ve had to learn this the hard way. I’ve broken many promises to myself. I’ve told myself this is the last time far too many times, up to the point where saying it again doesn’t hold any meaning, it’s just noise. If every time you’re tempted you say Just one more time, and that’s it When will it end? You’ll keep saying just one last time until you die. LET ME REPEAT THAT FOR YOU. You will keep saying one more time forever. So make the last time you relapsed, the last time you looked at porn, truly the last time. That was it. No more “One more time” or “This will be the last time I swear”. Because it’s already gone by. If you swallow this “One more time for realz guys, and thats it” bullshit, then not only will you fail this journey, you’ll have never really started it in the first place.
5. On Super Powers
Don’t PMO for 90 days and you’ll be able to shoot lasers, fly, super speed, and you’ll automatically gain the ability to just look at a girl right and make her jump into bed with you.
Well, sorta.
Ok so, lasers, flying, and super speed were lies. And girls jumping into bed with you. Ok so basically all above superpowers were lies. Do “superpowers” exist? Yes and No. Don’t expect what I just said above. Some people experience “super powers”, some people don’t. But my take on them isn’t you gaining some new amazing abilities. Its not like you learn to fly, its like you’re unshackled and you can finally walk straight up and look ahead after stumbling and shuffling around for so long you forgot there was anything but. So it varies for people. For some it feels truly amazing, because they’ve been beaten down for so long they forget there was anything else. For others the effects aren’t as heightened because they weren’t at such a low point before. At first it may feel like you have super powers, and then people tend to say they fade away. I don’t see it that way. It’s not that they fade away, it’s that you get used to them, or that they become more of a part of you, so it’s not as noticeable. If tomorrow you won a Lambo you’d be like holy shit a fucking lambo. The speed and power would feel amazing. You hit the gas and off you go. In a couple of weeks and over time, the car doesn’t feel as fast. You’re not amazed by it anymore. Has the car gotten slower? No, you’ve gotten used to it. But get back in the 4 cylinder Honda civic and you’ll feel the difference again.
List of reported SuperPowers -No more brain fog, thinking clearly -More enthusiasm -More confidence -Normal activities are fun, engaging -More energy -Deeper voice -Better hair -Easier muscle gain -More Willpower
The list goes on. It doesn’t happen all in one day. It doesn’t happen all at once. One day you may just wake up and realize there are noticeable differences in your life. It’s like when something hurts for a couple days. I had some knee pain from a snowboarding fall that really made it a bitch to walk. Every step would send a twinge of pain up. It lasted for maybe about a week, and it was probably the 3rd or 4th day AFTER IT STOPPED that I realized it was no longer there. I hopped off something, upon landing I was expecting pain, and there was none. Only then did I realize that for several days I’ve been walking fine without any issue. Part of the reason for super powers and/or incredible things happening is youre doing things differently. Instead of PMO, you’re focusing on hobbies. You talk to people. You may be happier or more confident. And when you have a great time out with people, or get a girlfriend, or have an amazing first date, or finish a project youve been putting off or go exploring and have an adventure or whatever it is, a strange realization may occur, (as corny as it may sound) that this isn’t some new ability you got. It’s something that you could do all along. You were just being held back by other bullshit clogging you up.
That’s my theory anyway.
6. The Why upholds the What.
If you don’t know why you’re doing something, I believe you’re doomed to fail. At the very least, success will be much harder to achieve, and pitfalls and delays will be that much more rampant. If you don’t know why you’re doing something, when motivation runs out (and it will) you will fall. Why are you quitting porn? Because the short term happiness of porn destroys any chance at long term happiness. I had success with quitting porn when I started dating this girl I really liked. When I had urges, it was easy because I wanted to be a better guy for her. I wanted to be able to be confident, I wanted to be able to be with her and enjoy it. I wanted to be able to experience something real and enjoy it as much as I possibly could, and porn would ruin that. So the day after we broke up, I relapsed. I remember that day. This was my longest streak ever. After 10 years of daily PMO, I went 66 days. And though thats much shorter than many people on here, for me that was ground breaking. Although I had urges and cravings, it wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle. I thought it was mainly over. That the reboot was well on its way. That day, it hit me like a fucking truck. It was all I could think about. I had a huge inner battle, where I was just sitting on the couch and it was all I could do to not go PMO then and there. And you know what? I said no. I said fuck taking The Strip, and walked on. But that little guy chased after me, and I listened. I told myself fuck it, what does it matter now? I had no reason to keep going. Even though deep down I knew it was wrong. The point was I didn’t break when I was being assaulted, when the main internal battle happened. It was after that, after I thought I had won and was over that internal conflict, when I let my guard down that I failed. And this is because I had no “Why to Uphold the What”. No reason to keep struggling. Now I’ve made my decisions and I’m again struggling. But it’s a good struggle. I’ve had several internal conflicts, hard ones. Each time I thought…if I let this happen, this won’t be the last time. Ill binge. I’ll feel like crap. And the next time I try to abstain it will be that much harder. Because every time you choose wrong you’re thrown into a deeper pit and it’s that much harder to climb out. And the harder struggle that you OVERCOME, the more from it you have GAINED. So the harder it was to say no, the more progress you have made.
So guys, embrace the struggle. Stay vigilant. Fight the good fight. What also helps is learning about the negative effects that porn has on your brain. Check out YBOP for videos that talk about this. I found it very helpful. I know why I’m doing this, and that makes me welcome the struggle.
LINK – Some things you have to realize if you want to succeed
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