I hit 90 days hard mode today! Never thought I would make it this far back in December when I started but the 90 day milestone became more clear and attainable each day as my journey progressed. Here’s a rough estimate of my personal timeline for those on the same journey.
- Day 7 – No problems – excited about potential superpowers. Never want to fap again.
- Day 14 – This is the 2nd hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not going to give up!!!
- Day 25 – Morning wood coming back – really feeling that CONFIDENCE. Got checked out for the first time since starting by a girl in a store. Met a group of strangers my age in a coffee shop and talked with them for an hour – why are these girls so friendly?!
- Day 33 – Met my dream girl (or so I thought) – connected with lady at a party and hung out for 2 days. We had a strong mutual interest. We talk about making things work long distance (2 hours apart). Am I going to have a girlfriend for the first time in 2 years?! NOPE – she goes facebook official 3 days later. Queue depression. WELCOME TO THE FRIENDZONE.
- Day 35-55 – flatline and depression. Learning a lot about how needy and vulnerable I am – Lets change that.
- Day 55 – First wetdream – Bad vibes the next day that lasted the rest of the week (confidence GONE). Out of flatline.
- Day 70 – Out of the slump but still struggling with depression. Confidence in full swing. Lets do this.
The GOOD:
- Decreased anxiety and depression
- Increased social confidence
- Deeper spiritual connection (no more religious guilt)
- Working out
- Running
- Picked up new hobbies
- Able to talk to women
- Cold showers
- Better skin/hair
- Deeper voice
- Feel somewhat normal
The BAD:
- Douchey attitude some days
- Still haven’t improved many other areas of life
- Emotional rollercoaster
- Guilt of my past life of addiction (drugs/alch) haunts me more now that I don’t escape through PMO regularly
I guess if I can try to add some redeeming value to this ramble I will say this:
Nofap as taught me a lot about myself and quitting PMO is just the beginning. I can identify many areas of my life that I need to work on. Once you lift the haze and escape of PMO you can see yourself more subjectively and clearly. Acceptance is the first step towards recovery. Never stop striving to be the best you can. I have a long way to go. Even though 90 days is a huge achievement for me, I will need to continue to work on self-acceptance and inner peace to find happiness. PMO free is not a fix all. It simply removes the chains so that you can choose to run.
God Bless and stay strong.
PS; One thing I forgot to mention is that my compassion has really increased. I can place myself into other peoples shoes and experience their suffering. I don’t hesitate to help homeless out with money once I determine they’re not a phony. I am also much more bullheaded and less of a pushover – but that can cause confrontation at work lol.
LINK – 90 Day Check In
I struggled with PIED somewhat with a few partners due to desensitization and death grip (I’m 25). I am getting morning wood and wet dreams for the first time in many years, so that must be some evidence that I’m healing. I don’t have any plans to have sex again anytime soon so I won’t really know for sure. I consider my healing process to be just starting.
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