OK – so I’m starting again after my relapse on day 48. Here’s a few things I learnt from the whole screw up:
1. Blog… A lot!
In the last 2 weeks before my relapse i stopped blogging that much. Started feeling alone in the battle again. I think as soon as you feel alone and isolated its much easier to just give up. In a weird way, staying tapped into this community gives a sense of unity with others facing the same struggles – and makes the whole porn thing seem more beatable. Also, reading other posts and getting positive comments on blogs helps keep a person focused and motivated…
2. Take more precautions
With my first attempt to stop i didn’t really take any precautions… I don’t have any software installed to stop viewing porn etc.
One habit I’ve decided to change is to stop taking my ipad with me to the bathroom – i used to take the ipad to the bathroom and do all my reading while on the throne… But…. Ive realized this is also a dangerous habit. In the last week or so before my relapse – i started (don’t know why) googling topics of a more sexual nature. It would be more article focused – and usually be on online magazine type sites . For example an article on “giving good oral sex to your wife or girlfriend”.
It was easy enough to convince myself that this is fine, because after all it was for my wife that i was reading it… Sigh
In the week the article reading escalated , and while searching for articles I would sometimes “accidentally” stumble upon more dodgy sites…. That i would close immediately. Anyway, the rest is history. Didn’t work out so well! So yeah…..from now on im basically cutting out any sexually charged content i view or read online.
3. Watch for the chaser after sex
I’m pretty sure i was riding a chaser when I relapsed… It just caught me very off guard…will have to try be more cautious.
4. Refocus – all the time
I need to refocus on the main reason for doing this – my wife and our relationship. I have to keep reminding myself of the big picture – and that it’s for the overall well being of my family.
5. Don’t let your guard down
OK so this is actually the last point I wanna make. Before the relapse i started getting too confident. Thinking I’ve already beat the addiction. I was wrong, I relapsed when I felt so sure I could handle reading even sexually charged content etc… I was stupid to think I can shrug off a 15 year addiction in 50 days… I have a long battle ahead of me. Any support (as always) will be welcomed!! Good luck to all my brothers who are keeping up the good fight!
;