I want to thank Reboot Nation & YBOP for my 90 day milestone and victory over porn. Thank you for your wealth of experience, knowledge, and success along with your profound sharing and honesty. Your experience along with the science based information was what I needed for success.
I reflect on these 90 days as the beginning of a new life for myself – free from the bondage of lust, porn and self-destructive behavior.
I am from Canada, 58 years old, married with a beautiful wife, children and a successful job. I am grateful…. but living a double life was killing me. The build-up of lies, shame, regrets, and hopelessness over the years took its toll.
Today is the beginning of a new freedom. I am responsible for today, the next 90 days and the days ahead for ongoing victory. In appreciation for all that you have given me, I want to share my story along with the motivation for my journey out of hell.
Take care everyone and God Bless you on your journey and victory. (It is impossible for me to rank what motivates me most. I will continue to add to this list as time goes on and as I learn more about the effects of my addiction)
Due to my addiction, my priorities were always upside down. Getting my fix and not wanting to get caught (covering my tracks) always took priority. I was consumed by lust and porn – my wife and family suffered, my work suffered and I was unable to meet my own needs. I learned that my brain is plastic and the reboot process was bringing me back to sane thinking: an ability to cope with life’s issues, improved will power and diminished brain fog. The reboot is renewing frontal lobe functioning and its metabolism (fantastic gift!). Today my top priorities are my wife, family and my job along with my recovery program.
I’ve been in recovery for sex addiction for 27 years -with some success. However, since the advent of high speed internet I have been a binge porn and sex addict. A typical binge cycle went like this:
a) I vow to stop – this time will be the last.
b) I relapse on porn (after several weeks of abstinence)
c) I set up accounts on hook up sites for anonymous sex (after a couple of days on porn)
d) I hit some type of bottom (I can’t take it anymore)
e) I vow to stop – this time will be the last.
A binge porn and sex addict lives in the flatline. Thinking about this makes me cringe. Being knowledgeable about the physical withdrawals is a huge help and motivation to not take the first look or lust thought. After the first 35 days doing hardmode (no porn, fantasy, masturbation or orgasm) I began to notice huge improvements both mentally and physically. I experienced less depression, more energy, morning wood and a normal looking dick to name a few. It’s an incredible and joyous time J– recovery! I don’t have to have another flatline!
I’ve been a sex addict since I was 13 years old so I never understood or had a natural libido. Between 35 and 58 days of my reboot, I noticed an increase in sexual attraction towards my wife, recognizing her beauty and a feeling of wanting to be close to her. On the 58th day of my reboot, I recognized my libido for the first time. I woke up with morning wood and a healthy desire to make love with my wife. At that moment I figured out, “this is my libido.” That particular day I turned my energy into being productive: I got out of bed at 5:20am, did a full work-out in my garage, prayed and meditated, cleaned the whole house, the cars, got the groceries, and worked on some outstanding projects.
I never stopped. I ended the day by watching some hockey and basketball playoffs. 5 years ago my wife realized I wasn’t going to make it in recovery – she had enough! I don’t have any expectations in reconnecting with my wife sexually; however, I have a strong desire to “date my wife” and to rebuild our intimacy. My priority right now is to rebuild trust and to become the man my wife always wanted – it will take time and more recovery. I have so much gratitude for the start of a healthy libido.
It’s difficult for me to write this truth because I have an immense amount of shame in the progression of my porn and sex addiction. While feeding my addiction over the years, I experienced a vast array of porn & sex induced sexual dysfunctions. I was lost inside myself, caught up in fantasy and an unreal world. I crossed the gender line early in my addiction. I had a long term affair with a married man – to get my fix. My mind was warped with countless fetishes and risky behaviors. I feel I should have known better, but I was in denial about the emasculating effects of internet porn. By learning the desensitization process, HOCD , and sensitization process, I understand my role in the development of the sickness. The awesome news is that I can regain my sexuality through the reboot process. This alone brings so much hope and faith into my life.
There are so many additional rewards to the reboot process. Some key benefits are:
- Reducing the shame around the addiction is a huge weight off my back. I can now hold my head high; I sense less social anxiety and walk with more confidence.
- If I experience brain fog related situations, I don’t take it personally and realize I’m human. I try to learn from the situation and perfect it.
- I am also free from drug escapades and excessive drinking.
- I enjoy life: eat properly, exercise, sleep better, enjoy the sun rise, only take cold showers, complete projects, more focus on the job, communicate better, not as serious and laugh more.
- I look forward to building integrity, becoming trustworthy, boosting my masculinity and becoming the man I am meant to be.
There are no limits after the reboot and I urge all of you to get to know the enemy and to never give up!
In closing I express a heartfelt thank you to Gabe Deem for being on a Canadian news show (W5) where he shared his story and I learned about Reboot Nation.
LINK – My Motivation to Freedom
BY – SaneMan
;