[Redditor shares his thoughts on Day 44]
As a response to the doubts and cynicism in response to my Limitless NZT post, perhaps I should clarify what I was feeling for the last 10+ years and how I’ve been feeling for the duration of noFap [no masturbation to Internet porn] for the doubters and downvoters.
Since I was 17 I have not had a crush or been strongly attracted to a girl, in as much as I wanted to pursue them and try to have a relationship with them. I had begun to think either I’d been emotionally scarred and put up a defence mechanism (this could still be true to an extent) or that there was simply something wrong with me (emotionally/socially). I haven’t had a girlfriend longer than 4 months and even that never felt like a “real” relationship. I’ve always been searching for that butterfly feeling and that perfect image of a girl I had in my teens.
The “something being wrong with me” didn’t compute though, as I’ve always been popular, had many friends and often been the centre of social gatherings. I’m relatively good looking, fit, healthy and always get told by girls, “why haven’t you got a girlfriend?!”
In my mind I began to doubt myself and began to think perhaps I was gay and just didn’t know it, maybe i’m just too damn picky and want the perfect girl etc etc. The gay thing never held water, despite some of the pr0n I escalated to over the last 10 years – I’m just not attracted to dudes, women are just too damn beautiful and magnetizing for me.
I always had a hunch in the back of my mind that fapping (between 2-5 times daily at peaks and at least once per day usually) to pr0n wasn’t healthy and had heard from friends in the past that it could desensitize you. However this didn’t stop me and I carried on, usually at night times before sleeping.
In a million years I never would have joined the dots and worked out the puzzle that pr0n and fapping to it appears to have likely been causing me all of these issues:
- shyness with public speaking
- nervousness when talking in meetings
- nervousness when talking to bosses
- very low self confidence
- feeling like I am going to get “found out” not necessarily pr0n, but even just in my general job!
- feeling stuck in a rut
- thinking i’ll never find love or a relationship
- being depressed (without me even knowing it I think I have been, mildly at least – hating my job, city, people around me)
- not having focus or willpower
- never having time for other things
- lack of hope
Since I started noFap 44 days ago, for the majority of the time I’ve been feeling no sexual desire, been in flatline and have had peaks and troughs in moods and irritability. HOWEVER, since 1 week ago (also when I had my first WD since starting noFap) I have started to notice:
- increasing morning wood
- increasing sexual desire/libido
- increasing general “happiness”
- increased confidence
- more hope for the future
- increased focus
I’ve been hammering the gym, training every day, lifting heavier, running, eating well, sleeping well and generally feeling like a fucking BOSS.
IMHO and personal experience so far, noFap is a lot more powerful than you might think. Sex and reward in the brain is a potent addiction that has so much control over a person, much more than you realize.
To those just starting out – stick with it, you will be thankful you did. Keep your eye on the prize and avoid temptation.
TL;DR No one is saying noFap is some magic pill, drug or spell. It does however have profound effects on some people’s lives and can truly improve other aspects as an indirect result. I am 29 and feel like my 17 year old self. FUCKING SWEET.
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