NORTH TEXAS (CBSDFW.COM) – “If I have to sacrifice a little embarrassment on the topic to do it, then I’m going to do it.”
A young North Texas man shared his story with the CBS 11 I-Team out about his pornography addiction. Gabe Deem says he was first exposed to porn when he was 8.
“We had cable TV. I would stay up late at night,” says Deem. “Things got really bad at twelve…when my family got high speed internet.”
Gabe Deem talks to CBS 11’s Ginger Allen about his one-time addiction to porn. (CBS 11)
And he says things got even worse with the launch of YouTube in 2005, the iPhone in 2007, the iPad in 2011, and endless other mobile devices that have hit the market over the last two decades.
“I was into basketball. I was really social. And I always had a real life girlfriend, but video games, social media and internet porn rewired me.”
Deem tells the I-Team his parents had “no clue” what he was doing. “My mom always asked me why I took long showers.”
He says it was an addiction that was easy to hide and progressed as he got older. “I would ride my bike home from school and watch internet porn for sometimes two-to-three hours a day.”
STUDIES SUPPORT SIDE EFFECTS
Studies show children are typically first exposed to pornography at age 13.
Deem calls it an addiction comparable to drugs or alcohol. He says it is so strong he eventually craved a screen or pixels not people.
By the time he was 23-years-old, he says he suffered from physical side effects including erectile disfunction. He says he could not maintain a healthy relationship.
Deem also says it cause social and mental problems. “You see an increase in social anxiety, poor working memory and brain fog, so that started happening to me.”
Scared he’d never be the same, Deem turned to internet forums where he discovered he was not alone. He found other addicts talking about anxiety, depression, poor academic performance, unhealthy relationships, and even suicide.
SUICIDE?
Today, Deem has completely recovered and is about to get married. He is a personal trainer and counselor in Irving who travels the world speaking about porn addiction. He also runs his own recovery site with a forum chatting with 13,000 other members who also say they are addicted to pornography.
He read a post to the I-Team from a 43-year-old married policeman who says he considered taking his life because the addiction destroyed it. “I was ready for suicide, gun was in my hand and loaded eight months ago.” Deem says he is extremely disturbed by the number of posts just like this. He says some are from children and teenagers.
CBS 11 asked him if this is a public health crisis? He responded, “I would definitely call it a public health issue.”
STATES DEEM “PUBLIC HEALTH CRISIS”
More than a dozen states agree. They’ve passed health bills deeming pornography an “epidemic that is harming… people.”
Earlier this year, Texas Representative Valoree Swanson tried to get it passed here. She cited “the detrimental health effects” in her resolution, but the debate never made it out of committee.
States which have deemed pornography a public health crisis through legislative action, may now provide money and resources to raise awareness about the impact of porn addiction.
1ST GENERATION RAISED ON MOBILE DEVICES
Professor and activist Dr. Gail Dines calls the issue a “public health emergency.” She started Culture Reframed a non-profit to teach parents how to build resilience and resistance in their children to porn.
“We have all the research we need to know– this is why it’s a public health emergency. This is now the first of boys we have brought up with access to hardcore porn. We have never done that before,” she said.
“These boys are about to become men. So my question is what kind of fathers, partners, lawyers, doctors, priests, teachers, coaches are they going to become?”
Dr. Dines says society needs a collective response. ” …mainstream hardcore porn is free. It’s accessible. It’s anonymous. And, of course, it’s affordable because it’s free.” She says the three factors drive demand.
“Free porn is the equivalent of me handling out free cigarettes outside a middle school. I would not be allowed to go outside a middle school and just hand out cigarettes every single day to make sure I got them hooked onto cigarettes nor would I be allowed to knock on people’s doors and say, “Excuse me, you have somebody under 18 her, or under 21? Here’s some beer. By the way, I’ll be back tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that.”
TIPS FOR MONITORING YOUR CHILDREN
Dr. Dines and Deem say if you think you are blocking adult content from your children with parental controls, think again.
“In middle school my friends and I were passing pieces of paper back and forth giving each other tips and tricks on how to hide it from parents and where we could go to download free content,” says Deem.
Rather than telling you how our kids are getting around those parental controls, the I-Team finds it safer to share some of the secrets our experts passed along to us:
—Check normal icons such as calculators on devices to make sure content is not hidden underneath.
—Pay attention to social media sites- watch for searches of innocent emojis such as peaches, eggplants, and teardrops which link to unwanted material.
—Be aware of premium sites, such as snapchat premium where anonymous people are paid to send pics.
(Snapchat tells the I-Team, Premium Snapchat is not an official term. A Snapchat spokesperson says it may be a term used by individuals who use the private messaging side of the app to distribute adult content. “This is against our Terms of Service and we remove these accounts when they are reported.”)
—Watch for red flags such as withdrawal and choosing to be online rather than out with friends.
—Don’t shame your children if you find it.
—And, don’t make talk of pornography taboo.
TIPS FOR TALKING TO YOUR CHILDREN
On Dr. Dines’ website, she posts a program for parents including scripted conversations with her recommendations about how to talk to your children about pornography.
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