Have you been struggling with porn addiction for more than a year?
I want to tell you EXACTLY why you’re failing, so you can pick yourself up and overcome this.
What I say below might sound harsh at times, but it needs to be.
This is a wakeup call, and wakeup calls are not meant to be ‘nice’.
The Truth About Why You’re Still Addicted To Porn
1. Responsibility.
My inbox is filled with mails from hundreds of guys who desperately want to get over their addiction.
Their reasons are many and varied:
They want to overcome porn induced ED or performance anxiety.
They want to have real-life relationships.
They want to stop wasting their life away in front of a computer screen…
Among many other great reasons.
I can tell you who will fail.
Usually just from reading the first paragraph of an email, I can tell whether a guy has what it takes to overcome his issue — with reasonable certainty.
Roughly 60% of the emails that I get fall in the category or what I would call the woe-is-me complainer.
The woe-is-me complainer is a victim of his circumstances.
The odds are stacked against him. It’s not fair.
He found porn at a young age, so ‘it will be more difficult’ for him.
He needs to use his laptop all the time for school or write reports for work, so it’s “impossible” to stay away from the internet (and temptation).
He is ‘unattractive’ and ‘bad with girls’, so he knows that even if he somehow manages to quit porn, he’ll still never get a girlfriend.
By seeing himself as the victim, he transfers his responsibility — his very power to dig his way out of his problems — to his circumstances.
And by doing this, he’s failed before he’s even started.
Another common characteristic of this guy is that he wants an easy way out; he wants someone to ‘fix’ him.
This guy’s email might say something like: “so here’s my unique situation (which is very similar to thousands of other guys) — what should I do?” And I have to stop myself from writing: “Well, have you read the five articles on my website about this very topic? Maybe you ought to start there??”
No, this guy wants someone else to do the hard work for him.
The thing is, the real way to overcome porn addiction is SIMPLE.
Simple, but not easy.
The success formula:
Look at the guys who successfully turned around their lives, and do what they did.
And the one thing that all the successful guys have in common is that they first took 100% responsibility.
I myself only started making progress when I realized: “I am the one who got myself into this situation: this porn addiction, porn induced ED and performance anxiety are MY problem… And I’m the one who will get myself out.”
All the information is out there — on my blog and others like Your Brain On Porn, Porn Enlightenment, and many others.
You have to take responsibility, and ACT ON IT.
Finally, this quote from Strength Coach Taylor, whose writing inspired this article, sums it up neatly:
“In a mere two minutes I can tell you if someone will be successful in their quest for a leaner physique. And two minutes is being safe. It is probably closer to about 30 seconds. And this applies not just to fat loss but also to the rest of your health and fitness goals.
If you blame yourself — success. If you blame everything else — no success. Period.”
— Coach Taylor, strenghtcoachtaylor.ca
2. You aren’t prepared to make a sacrifice.
It really amazes me when guys say “this is the 5th time I’ve relapsed in the last three weeks.”
Like, you can’t go ONE SINGLE WEEK? Really??
If that’s the case, maybe you’re doing something wrong. Or you need to question your commitment and your strategy.
Some questions to ask yourself about strategy:
Are you using a replacement habit?
Are you avoiding triggers?
When do you usually relapse and what causes it? What are you feeling just before you give in?
Without diving into these questions and doing the work beforehand, you’re going to find yourself in an uphill battle.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it: Quitting porn is incredibly difficult for many guys, myself included.
But the person you will become through this hardship will thank you for sticking to it and cleaning up your life.
Again, in the words of coach Taylor:
“Life isn’t fair. Life is hard. You will get out of it, what you put into it.
And when you decide to make real changes, when you make a commitment to yourself to make a difference, YOU HAD BETTER STICK TO IT.”
— Coach Taylor, strenghtcoachtaylor.ca
3. You want results immediately, without putting in the necessary work.
What do you think is the most common question I’m emailed?
I’ll tell you what it is — by a landslide:
“How long will my reboot take?”
Despite writing a thorough article on this, explaining that it depends on many factors, including your porn history, age and strategy, this is the number one question.
And the reason is that people want to just get it over with.
They want to ‘be normal again’ RIGHT NOW, and without any of the pain and suffering.
They want a magic bullet. That’s why viagra and cialis are multi-billion dollar drugs.
I understand the urgency. But a reboot takes time and it’s hard work.
Changing your life for the better generally doesn’t happen overnight. It comes with small, incremental changes and adapting your strategy to your problem points.
A reboot from serious PIED can take time, from a few weeks on the short side, to many months.
Escaping from the underlying root of your addiction can be an even longer process, but a rewarding one: leading you to become a more patient, mindful, strong-willed man.
So. Are you ready to make a commitment to yourself? Feeling inspired to make changes?
If you liked this post, you can find my other writings here: http://rebootblueprint.com/
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