The ability to delay gratification is a crucial life skill that we all develop to varying degress as we gain a mature perspective on the world. Young children completely lack this ability. Whatever they need or want, they believe they have to have it right now. As we grow up, we begin to learn how to be patient and wait for the things we want. We don’t pee in our pants, we wait until we find a bathroom.
We don’t scream when we’re hungry, we wait more or less patiently until we have the opportunity to eat. Those are basic examples to make a point.
So what does this have to do with porn addiction and fapping? Well…a lot! As porn addicts, we allow the urge to use porn and to masturbate to reduce us to the maturity level of children when it comes to how we manage ourselves sexually. I want to feel this thing right now, so I do it no matter what the consequences are. Then I do it again. Etc… If I have the ability to delay my gratification in this area, then I don’t have to respond to my sexual urges right now. I can let it pass. I can wait until I’m with my partner.
Over the past year, I have found that my sexual energy is not infinite. In any given moment, I can spend it, or save it. And just like money, I can’t spend what I don’t have. So one of the worst things about my experience of being addicted to porn has been that moment when my wife is in the mood to have sex with me, we’re getting into it, and I’m like, “Houston…we’ve got a problem.” I didn’t know it back then, but that was entirely my fault – a direct result of excessive stimulation from using internet porn and masturbation. But now I know better. So when the urge to fap arises, I say to myself, “save it.” And I practice the skill of delaying my gratification. The reward is tremendous, because when the opportunity arises and my sexual energy account balance is high, the pleasure that awaits me eclipses anything I could ever generate solo.
The important thing is to realize that delaying gratification isn’t just an idea that you can understand, it’s a skill that needs to be practiced. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re not perfect at it right away; no one ever is. Just keep practicing by pushing out your reward a little farther each time; stretching yourself in your ability to be patient. Eventually, you will find that you can master your sexual energy; i.e. not think about it until it’s time to do something with it. This kind of practice takes patience and hard work, so don’t expect it to happen over night by itself.
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