I am finally writing my success story. I’ll probably post in a fair bit of detail as I hope my story can potentially help other sufferers and give them hope that they can overcome this situation, especially guys feeling trapped by weird fetishes which have become their only sexual outlet.
First my background! Since a very young age I had a weak spot for female dominance (femdom), I remember my first experiences of masturbation to fantasy about such things before I even really understood or knew what it was. I forget exactly how old but let’s just say it was very young. Fast forward some years and the internet arrived where I could then really explore and explore I did. I did go around through a plethora of femdom topics and spent so much time doing so.
To be honest vanilla sex, naked women etc were never that exciting to me. Obviously the years went on of exposure to internet porn and I was oblivious to the fact it could be slowly but surely building up to ED. In fact, even just picking up girls through school I never really felt any life in my dick and I just put it down to the fact that there must be something wrong with me, that I wasn’t into sex but had no problem being hard for hours over femdom porn.
Then comes the time when I tried to have my first sex with a beautiful girl that I really liked and on multiple occasions we were stuck doing foreplay for hours and I could not get hard, could not feel a damn thing in my penis at all. Of course I could get very hard back home to femdom so again I didn’t really understand that I had ED. I just assumed as always that I just was wired wrong and not into vanilla sex.
Obviously the situation I was in by this point was extremely isolating as someone who is shy and self conscious to a fair extent, as I felt trapped in my femdom addiction and that no woman would ever take me seriously. Because let’s face it women want intimacy, and sex is an important part.
Years went by sadly and nothing changed and by the time I was in my late 20’s I felt like I was destined to be alone forever. I should add I did once manage to have successful sex with a real woman who happened to be one of the femdom porn models who I’d masturbated to on many occasions, so most likely I was able to do that because I was somewhat conditioned to her and my brain associated excitement with her. But any kissing or attempts for sex with anyone else, I was a case of total dead dick.
As you can see by my back story I’ve got probably 20 years of femdom indulgence from early fantasy through til internet porn so it’s no surprise I was such a fucked up case.
Then one day I found the sites (yourbrainonporn & yourbrainrebalanced) that finally opened my eyes to what the hell was going on with me. Having scoured them for information, taking inspiration from other guys that had lost different fetishes etc I immediately started rebooting.
Because I considered myself a really bad case I always figured I would need a long streak of abstinence before attempting to rewire. I won’t say things went perfectly as I did slip up and look at porn over the course of couple years I actually rebooted. Among my long streaks were 60 days, 150 days, 90 days and then there were periods of complacency where I’d slip up every couple weeks. The good news is these quick slip ups dont set you back as badly as you may think. Of course they do break your confidence which can be crucial in overcoming this problem.
After spending a couple years focusing on abstinence primarily and still doubting myself and my ability to get intimate with a real woman because of my horrible failings of the past, I guess I just got bored and finally worked up the courage to just say “you know what? to hell with it just have a go.” So I got myself a modest 20 day streak going then met a girl I enjoyed talking to and was physically attracted to and asked her out.
My original plan was to just casually date for a bit and try the slow rewire with hand holding etc. because I was still very scared and didn’t want to be embarrassed and fail again. The exciting part was after a few dates the basics like hand holding, kissing etc. were bringing life to my dick, something that was pretty much a new experience for me.
Not long after my partner expressed that she wanted to have sex one night, and while I was extremely worried things would go wrong once I tried to go to the step of intercourse I decided to go with it. After taking a little while to get comfortable, my dick started to respond to all the kissing, foreplay and intimacy, and not too long later I was having my first successful vanilla sex pretty much ever!
Here I am now a few weeks later and I’m still seeing this girl. We’ve had sex a few more times as we only see each other over weekends but I’ve now been able to have sex in a couple different positions. My erection strength is improving by the week and I just feel less anxious and worried about my ED coming out.
So in a nutshell after being conditioned to femdom porn for so many years, I am now free and able to enjoy a vanilla sex life – something I never thought possible some years ago. For what it’s worth I believe my interest in femdom is part of me and I’d always be turned on by it to some extent. But the part that is MOST important for me is that I don’t have to act on it, I’m not dependent on it and I’m free to enjoy a normal healthy sex life.
Some of the key things I’d like to point out from my multiple years of rebooting are:
- I could have gotten to success MUCH faster but my own fears were probably as much of an enemy in holding me back so just having a go is important.
- The rewiring part was especially scary for me because of past failings however it actually all happened very easy & quickly. I think quite possibly because I had abstained as much as possible over a long period of time so my body/brain was truly healed and now just needed to find its new outlet and break the femdom conditioning.
- Exercise and focusing on improving your life even not related to the reboot are extremely beneficial as my whole lifestyle is better now.
- Slip ups/relapses don’t hurt you as bad as you probably assume though you are better to keep them short and not get into binges.
- Reading too many other guys’ problems on the community sites isn’t helpful, as they can get in your head and create too many ‘what if’ scenarios. It’s best to just focus on your reboot and overcome whatever issues you personally encounter as they arise.
- It’s best in my opinion to avoid trying to test your erection as it can lead to MO. While not as bad as using porn I found if I tested my erection the strength would get weak quicker.
- I see many people complaining about lack of libido etc. Basically I never felt like I have any libido, not much morning wood etc., which worried me. But, simply put, soon as I am hugging, kissing a real woman my dick comes to life so don’t obsess about it, just keep faith in the process. And that when you need to work, assuming you’ve stayed off porn enough, you will function.
- Don’t be in a rush, the process may be quick or slow. Just use it to better your life.
I’m sure there are more things I can add to the list but I’ll leave it there for now with just a couple more things I want to say.
A huge thank you to Gary Wilson and everyone involved with yourbrainonporn and yourbrainrebalanced as well as everyone on the sites, as I’ve taken inspiration and learned much from so many people that I could never list you all.
Finally if I can go from one of the worst cases of dead dick, a lifetime of femdom conditioning to enjoying a vanilla sex life then you can do so too. I’m not promising it’ll be easy and just happen over night, but if you trust the process and do your absolute best to stick to it then you can and will get there! Good luck everyone.
LINK – Today’s The Day – Success Story! Total Fetish (Femdom) ED Overcome!
BY – GoingToSucceed
INITIAL POST (28 months earlier) – 146+ Days DOWN On Road To Recovery!!! (Primarily Fetish Induced ED)
Hey guys,
I just wanted to post here having skimmed around for some time reading bits and pieces of other guys posts, stories, problems, successes etc. I was always in 2 minds about joining up and posting for a few reasons but here I am. I guess part of the reason is to thank everyone who has posted and shared experiences as I really believe knowledge is the absolute best weapon to beating this problem so many of us face.
Anyway I won’t give a huge run down on my story, I’ve identified a few similar stories along the way which has been comforting in that I know I’m not alone by any means though at the same time I don’t wish this issue on anyone so I hope everyone here knuckles down and achieves their goals.
So about me? Well I’m now 28, I don’t really know exactly when my problem started just that it’s there and that I intend to beat it. Basically I started looking at porn at a very young age I don’t really know exactly what age just that my sexual desires have always been a little twisted from a very young age. Femdom type porn has definitely been my only focus so with well over a decade of that being my only outlet it’s no surprise my brain is warped and doesn’t understand how to just enjoy vanilla sex. I wouldn’t say I’ve been hugely depressed along the way and haven’t faced serious social issues etc, have always been relatively fit etc but the only real thing that’s been holding me back from what I really want is my femdom & porn ED. A bad experience or two really scarred me so I pretty much don’t bother trying to hook up or pursue things with women for fear of failure. I guess I lack some confidence but it’s definitely more induced by the failings of the past and something that I fully intend to change.
The truth is after failing and being so into femdom I just figured I was really into the fetish and couldn’t help it or do anything about it until I found all the rebooting stuff and took real hope out of others stories about such things fading. Truth is I can handle having a soft fetish in the back ground but I’m done indulging it and my main goal is to reboot, cure my ed and find a girl I really connect with as I’m tired of being alone which is my absolute driving factor now.
Well that’s enough of an introduction about me it’s fairly typical stuff to some. Now on to my reboot so far….
I started first time immediately after discovering all this, I think back in September and really killed it for the first 30 days, got through much easier than anticipated other than some really intense cravings but there were also some strong results very quickly that allowed me to keep going. The progress I saw relatively quickly was return of morning wood, better focus (even though generally I was not too bad), more energy and drive.
Of course the bad part happened after doing so well I succumbed to a one time relapse. To be honest I doubt I would have but I am still quite a social and enjoy going out for drinks and occasionally another substance which definitely lowers your strength to abstain. My advice if you truly do struggle with will power and staying strong would be to avoid such if you are the same, at least for the first month or so as it likely could lead to relapse.
Anyway aside from being annoyed at my stupidity I got right back to it, where unfortunately I did relapse a couple more times along the way, never any long binges but I always made sure I just shrugged it off and tried not to get too down about it. In the end not all the progress of previous attempts was lost and here’s the REALLY important bit….
I believe these relapses DEFINITELY have made me stronger, have helped me hit that point where I just don’t even have the temptation at the moment to go look at, peak or test. I am sure it’s helped my brain build up my defenses by failing and knowing that porn ed is something I have to eliminate. So if you relapse try not to beat yourself up too hard, have your moment to slap yourself in the face then just shrug it off and get right back to it.
As I write this I believe I’m on day 32 though I’m not actually sure because I’ve focused a bit less on the days than just getting through week to week after my failures and I’ve found that useful as the large number like 120 seems so daunting but 7 is easy. The most recent attempt has easily been my best I’ve found that desires to even think of femdom are drastically reduced and while I know damn well I’m not healed as it’s going to take me quite some time I at least feel like there’s hope to get the fetishes reduced and back to fairly dormant so I can focus on a real sex life.
I’ll just finish up with a few other bits of advice/suggestions/points of view that may be useful for anyone reading this.
Working Out – This is something I did prior to reboot and I believe like so many others is a huge part of rebooting and restoring testosterone to proper levels. I believe this may have a bit to do why my morning wood reduced so damn quickly but for nothing else getting your body in good shape for those who struggle with self esteem is a god send. I can’t speak highly enough about how important I find this aspect for all the usual reasons you read.
Porn Blockers – I personally am not using one, yes I have relapsed I think 3 times all up but personally I know I am strong enough to just cut this shit out of my life and feel for me personally to win the battle I am better off to just do it without. Certainly it’s a personal choice and some guys may have lesser will power, stronger addictions etc do whatever works for you but if you do feel strong enough I think it’s better to just abstain yourself so you build that habit. I wont lie I’ve had some temptation today actually which may be why I’ve come here but I’ve just reminded myself I’m so far in I dont want to ‘start over.’
Visiting Here – This one is mixed for me because some of what I read is really inspiring, is really helpful information. I also think it can be bad for confidence and hindering as some people certainly post with some bad problems deep into the process that I’ve found get me down with worry that it won’t work. While I sympathize with those guys I just find it difficult to read as I think we all need to try be positive and take an ‘I’m GOING TO BEAT THIS’ approach. The other thing also is everyone handles their reboot differently, some are masturbating no porn etc there’s just variables so it’s good for someone to remind themselves that perhaps there are other reasons for why their reboot hasn’t performed as hoped. Again this is a love/hate situation there’s some wonderful stuff just if you find reading some of it gets too depressing I suggest just forgetting the site for a few days and focusing only on your own reboot.
To Masturbate or Not? – Personally I’m determined to do this with none! From the reports I’ve read the trend to me seems to be the guys who are deep into reboots with still less progress are the ones masturbating occasionally. Everyone’s circumstances are different, everyone’s level of addiction, porn ed is different but I personally am going to abstain for as long as I can as I just feel this the best course of action.
Knowledge – I know I mentioned this above the start but I really did want to re-highlight it because it’s without a doubt the biggest weapon for me personally. When I found all this I read all sorts of success stories to pick up ideas and such for my own attempts. Doing so gave me so much more confidence that this will be successful and just knowing other people have had such similar problems and conquered them gives the most important driving factor… HOPE. Staying positive is really important because lord knows I’m at the point at the moment where my mood bounces a bit. One minute only being 32 days in seems like nothing and SO LONG to go, that I’ll never make it, a minute later I’m proud of it and feel like I’m getting into the part where the real progress happens. I’m just really trying to stay positive and not get bogged down in dwelling on how long this will take because it is a bit of a lonely process that’s for sure.
Well that about does it, that’s just a few thoughts from how I see things I’m certainly not saying I’m right and others are wrong, it’s just the way I’m going about it and it’s still early days for me so I can’t tell you the success though if I get any major break through I’ll be sure to update on roughly where it occurred and what. I’m more than happy to answer any questions anyone may have or try offer suggestions if you struggled with elements of this process as despite maybe seeming like it’s a piece of cake for me I still have my moments of weakness just I’m proud to say I’ve been able to stop myself from doing anything stupid. Hopefully I can continue down this path and achieve my personal goals
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