Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance (2012)

Is porn dialing down humanity’s pair-bonding program?

Introduction

Today’s media equates “sex positive” with zeal for orgasm. According to this formula, the more orgasms we demand, deliver or procure, the more “sex positive” we are. This makes Internet porn and sex toys, with their ability to override our normal sexual appetites so we can orgasm when we otherwise could not due to satiation, the most “sex-positive” inventions in all of human history. Or does it?

This definition of “sex positive” rests on a misunderstanding of how intense stimulation can potentially numb the pleasure response of the human brain. It also discounts the gifts of flirty exchanges, and human touch exchanged with a trusted mate. Given that affectionate touch and enduring relationships are generally positively associated with increased wellbeing, these omissions are especially unfortunate.

For reasons that lie at the heart of evolution, our brains are extremely responsive to today’s super enticing versions of food and sex, such as junk food and Internet erotica. Alas, more is not better for some brains; it desensitizes them. This is why many of us are obese and/or furiously fertilizing our screens—yet feel more dissatisfied than ever. Recovering porn users describe their experiences with desensitization:

Imagine if you were on an extreme rollercoaster for 10 years straight. Then you get off the rollercoaster and have to make do with the swings at a children’s play area. After 10 years of extreme rollercoaster riding, you won’t be able to obtain any kind of buzz from the simplicity of the swings. You have become desensitized. Porn ruined my appreciation of and responsiveness to normal sexual acts, and masturbation to porn ruined the sensitivity of my penis so that the gentle caress of a lover was barely noticeable. It was so used to being pounded with a sledgehammer that when it came to being tickled with a feather, I didn’t even notice. Unless I felt something pretty hard and heavy, it simply didn’t register.

Feeling so emotionally numb to every girl I’ve dated also caused me to doubt myself. This led me to suspect that I was gay. I am not. Once my brain started to heal, I became much more interested in all girls.

Biology not morality

Long before the Internet, the father of modern sexology warned of desensitization. Alfred C. Kinsey cautioned his photographer Clarence Tripp that, “As soon as we get you to photographing sex every day and paying attention to sex right, left and center, pretty soon nothing will turn you on, nothing in the area, nothing visual will turn you on. Because you’ll lose all those sensitivities.”

For the same reason, Kinsey counseled his staff to “Be cautious with sadomasochism because the human body adjusts rapidly, and so levels of pain can escalate rapidly.” [James H. Jones, Alfred C. Kinsey, W.W. Norton & Company (1997): 610] Unfortunately, many of today’s experts have forgotten Kinsey’s warnings, which were based on his personal experience. They teach only, “If it feels good, do more of it.”

In fact, however, desensitization is having a major impact today. The more some people rely on cyber erotica, the more frequently they may feel the “need” to climax,  and the more extreme material they often require to get the job done. For many, erections also grow weaker. Escalation and youthful erectile dysfunction are often signs that someone is inadvertently numbing the brain to subtler pleasures.

I sold porn on the Internet for over 10 years. It ruined relationships and led me down a dark road of heavy use. I became totally desensitized. I remember when certain acts were taboo or at least non-mainstream. These acts are now part of most mainstream productions.

Desensitization is an addiction process related to a drop in dopamine sensitivity. Nora Volkow MD, Director of NIDA, explains:

Once the brain becomes less sensitive to dopamine, it “becomes less sensitive to natural reinforcers” such as the “pleasure of seeing a friend, watching a movie, or the curiosity that drives exploration.”

Tragically, the now-less-enjoyable pleasures often include the rewarding feelings of human touch and close, trusted companionship. This is how extreme stimuli can indirectly interfere with our innate pair-bonding tendencies—causing dissatisfied unions.

Becoming restless in your relationship due to too much porn use isn’t a character defect. It occurs because too much stimulation causes physical changes in your brain. These may be gradual, but for some, the introduction of highspeed porn is the turning point for radical desensitization:

Highspeed porn changed everything. I began masturbating more than once a day. If I didn’t feel like masturbating, but wanted to relieve stress or go to sleep, porn helped me get aroused. I found myself looking at porn prior to sex with my wife because she just couldn’t do it for me anymore. Delayed ejaculation was a huge problem: I could no longer orgasm from oral sex and I sometimes had difficulty with orgasm in a vagina. I masturbated after sex with my wife because I couldn’t get off any other way, and sometimes even masturbation didn’t work. Once I eliminated porn from the equation (which hasn’t been easy), my masturbation frequency dropped and my sex life improved.

The good news is that former users can indeed reverse this desensitization. They give their brains a rest from frequent sexual stimulation (sexual fantasy, masturbation, orgasm) and steer clear of porn. It’s tough. Most experience weeks of uncomfortable, temporary withdrawal symptoms, such as mood swings (irritability, anxiety, despair, apathy, restlessness), insomnia, fatigue, very frequent urination, intense cravings or flat libido, etc. One man charted his ups and downs.

Happily, recovering users often become more responsive to pleasure even before the withdrawal symptoms and hypersensitivity to porn cues stop:

After 34 days I tested myself. I could masturbate to orgasm without thinking about anything for the first time of my life. And erections came much more frequently and stronger. At the same time I knew with absolute certainty that the process wasn’t finished yet.

What lies on the other side of withdrawal discomfort? Here’s what men reported as their brains returned to normal sensitivity to pleasure:

[Single guy in his 30s] As my body recovers, sex is already feeling twice as good as it was. It’s funny how the decline was so gradual that I just didn’t notice that sex had lost the whole “WTF JUST HAPPENED?” feeling. It’s back.

Age 43 – My wife’s touch is special & very arousing instead of being ‘not quite as good as my own hand’. No longer have performance issues

I went on a date yesterday with the lady I’m dating, when I saw her I had no other thought except ” WOW! This woman is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” I was genuinely attracted to her, she  wasn’t even wearing skimpy clothing or showing any cleavage, but she was still so, so beautiful.

She doesn’t look like the women you see in the magazines or porn sites, 12 months ago I don’t think I would have found her as attractive. Abstinence and purity changes you and allows you too see  the true attractiveness in all women She was beautiful

This goes out to all you fapstronauts in a relationship or a marriage. The best thing you can do to make your woman to feel desired by you is to abstain from the endless dark pit of internet porn. To  stay away from masturbating and to see her for what she is.

Not anymore is she fighting in an impossible league of competition. Endless novelty and all the kinks and twists. She is competing in the real world again. Not anymore can you escape to fantasy land  an rub one out. You have to work for it. Show her how much you appreciate her. Make her feel loved. And you will. Because she will look amazing in every way. My girl is so fucking hot

[Married, age 50] I never thought I had ED…I managed to have sex with my wife. Boy, was I wrong! Since my recovery, my erections are way bigger, fuller and longer and the head is flared. My wife comments each time. I also remain erect even after orgasm, and think I could keep it up for a loooong time. My morning wood is also bigger and fuller. I just shrug and laugh each morning, now that I realize I really had ED and was too caught in my addiction to realize it. Keep in mind I am 50, though in pretty good shape for my age and clean living. I believe you will find the sensitivity of your penis improves all on its own. I am circumcised (wish I was not). The sensitivity is so much better than I ever remember. Very light touch by my wife feels so strong! Now, after 68 days of no masturbation to porn my erections are like in my teens!

[Perception shifts are common too.] I was out having dinner with my friends and found out that a video of a girl I knew from university a couple of years ago got posted to a major porn site (top 3, but no need for specifics). We weren’t close but I met her a few times. It was her having sex with her ex-boyfriend who insists he didn’t upload it but there’s no way for anyone to really know who did it.

Her life is ruined. Everyone knows about the video and it has more than a million views already. This is the power of these insanely destructive sites. Imagine all the people jerking it to this video of a girl who cries herself to sleep every night because of its existence.

Old, perverted, me would have probably PMO’d to it, not even going to lie. But on this 3 week streak, just the thought of it disgusts me. To think there’s nothing she can do about feeling completely violated by not just whoever uploaded it, but the whole fucking world.

NoFap is even more than self-help, superpowers, curing addiction, and determination. Society doesn’t need porn. We are helping eliminate the abuse and suffering the people in these obscene videos have to face (whether willingly or unwillingly). Next time you think about relapsing, think about how that girl you’re jerking off to might want to kill herself because of the very video you’re using for 10 minutes of joy. Something really fucked up happened today.

[Age 26] Last night I had sex with my partner twice and reached climax both times! I’ve been in a really buoyant mood since Day 28 [of no porn/masturbation]. Once we started kissing and touching each other, I couldn’t hold back on my urge to penetrate her. It felt so natural. The sensitivity in my penis has definitely returned, plus I sense there’s more to come.

[Age 21] I can honestly say now that porn really is the problem with relationships nowadays. Sex with my girlfriend took a little over a month, but time flew so fast because I was enjoying just hanging out. Just holding a girl never crossed my mind as pleasurable before. When you’re masturbating every day, with or without porn, you really do relinquish your innate ability to connect with the opposite sex. I am 100% sure of this now. Before I went 100 days I still had some doubt about the benefits of giving up porn, but now it doesn’t even cross my mind as a serious activity.

As far as sex goes, I was questioning whether I should have sex with her or wait a little. Then I found out that she also wanted to wait because she cared about me. Naturally I took it slowly, and we were holding each other for a long time before we decided to do it. I really wish that everyone here could have not only successful sex, but a passionate exchange between two people who care about each other. We even continued to cuddle after we were done (both times). I really couldn’t be happier about my first time.

[Married, 52] I have many decades of porn under my belt (so to speak). I have not looked at any porn or masturbated for nearly 4 weeks, and all I can say is the change is dramatic. This morning, I woke up with one of the most intense erections I have ever had. My wife noticed, and was nice enough to give me a wonderful BJ, all before 7 AM! Prior to this, I cannot remember ever waking up like this, except when I was a teen. Plus, the feeling was very intense, much better than any porn release I remember. While I was receiving this wonderful gift, not one porn image flashed before me!

I was strictly focused on her, and it was one of the most enjoyable experiences I have had in a while. I am stoked! This only strengthens my belief that I can never look at porn again. Eventually, my ED problem is going to be a memory. In another 3 to 4 months, I cannot even imagine where I will be, but it is going to be a much better place than “Pornoland.”

I’m 30 years old and this is the first time I’ve fallen in love. I’m fighting with pmo for almost a year my streaks are good I’m finally starting to do sth with my life. fallen in love for the first time in my adult life.

As to the effects, my view of women is much improved. Before I could never look/interact with an attractive woman without thinking about her sexually, nearly constantly. Often I might later masturbate with them in mind, solidifying this ‘women as sex objects’ problem. Now it is much easier to just think of them as normal people.

For a long while though I would become very irritated by any media with any sort of titillation. Advertisements, sexy scenes in film and TV, even video games with over-sexualized female characters.  Even provocatively dressed women in real life would annoy me. I hated feeling like I was being manipulated, being forced to feel a specific something without my control or permission. I’d have to turn away or shut it off to keep from getting too angry. Gradually the anger faded, and now I can enjoy a little beauty or mild titillation without falling into a bunch of frustrated sex fantasies and just enjoy it for what it is, something interesting to look at. Link

[Age 24] About 5 weeks after stopping porn/masturbation, I slept with a female friend; a drunken one-night stand. Despite being hammered, I felt totally different about the sex. I was much more passionate. It felt better; and I was more turned on and worried less about performance, which was always a big concern. I was just enjoying myself. Normally, when I go to put on a condom, I freak out and go limp, but this wasn’t an issue this time.

See Sex life way better.

[Married, 42] Not being able to trust your own body to back you up when you want to physically express yourself to your mate is mentally devastating. To once again feel your body respond without effort eliminates self-talk and doubt and frees you to focus on the one you love. For me that meaningful connection makes sex with a partner transcend mere masturbation. My skin is feeding me far more input from my wife’s touch than it has in a long while. Orgasms are also much stronger. They FEEL better. Sex is reprogramming the healthy, normal and natural pleasure pathway that was lost to me during my porn years. The more I achieve and maintain an erection through just caressing and holding my wife, the fainter the voice of doubt about sexual performance gets, and the more immediate and impressive my body’s response is.

[Husband, 37] The reward for 4 months of no porn has been an improved sex life with my wife, and after nearly fifteen years of being together, that is a considerable reward. Hurrah for “vanilla” sex. I seem to feel more than I used to. I experience more physical sensation from being in her vagina or her mouth. Before, I rarely came from a BJ. Delayed ejaculation is not a problem anymore. And premature ejaculation has not replaced it, thankfully. I actually feel more in control of my arousal and orgasm now, than I did when I suffered with low libido and other sexual dysfunctions. The old anxiety is beginning to be assuaged by frequent, successful lovemaking with my wife.

When I fap all the time it’s just a release because the orgasms suck. The orgasms I had [while not masturbating and while having] real sex were incredible. I’d forgotten how good real sex could feel.

(Day 125) I am in a long-term relationship, and I can vouch for the fact that quitting helped our sex life. A lot. We did not have ED or PE or any other kind of sex-related problems to start with, but compared to what we have now, our sex life while I was fapping was …. dull. Now it is anything but dull, and both me and my gf have stronger libidos now than before. I am not exactly sure how — or if — my quitting affected her libido, but she sure is much more interested in sex now :).

[Age 50] Over the years, I suggested to my wife various activities straight out of porn stories. She was okay with some of them, but it never satisfied at all. Although we had a decent sex life relative to most people our age, I was always comparing the porn scenarios with my real life and real wife and feeling dissatisfied. Now, things are shifting. During intercourse last night, I felt suddenly very intimate, almost scarily intimate, deep contact I have never experienced before. It felt kind of shocking to me. It was wonderful in a way I can’t describe, but I am in a kind of awe over it. It feels scary-wonderful.

Those without partners notice benefits too:

[Age 20-something] – I’m starting to have genuine feelings of desire and interest for women again. For a while I somewhat questioned my sexuality. Not that I was interested in men, but I just didn’t have any interest in women. I’m noticing women’s attractive features more and more. I’ve even had a desire to kiss them. That is very new for me. I haven’t felt it in years. I was talking briefly with a fellow student and noticed she had absolutely gorgeous eyes. I never noticed those things while using porn. Also, I no longer fantasize about porn scenarios “starring” potential mates or women I know. I try not to fantasize, but when one creeps in, it’s now all first-person, one-on-one, and nothing kinky or odd. Refreshing.

[Age 19, gay] When it comes to relationships, I don’t “like” people often, and there are very few people who can maintain my interest beyond maybe 3 weeks, maximum. This may seem weird, but even though I watched porn… I’ve never really been one to want sex. Anyway, there are TWO guys who have managed to grab my interest and maintain it. However, I think porn/masturbation was suppressing my longing to be with either of them. Last night, I suddenly had this intense realization that I really like those two, and I could see myself completely happy in a committed relationship with either. Suddenly it felt like…my heart was reaching out for them. Idk, it was weird. Instead of daydreaming, my body was like, “Let’s go make this happen in real life.” I don’t really understand it, but I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing. I just know that all of a sudden I felt this huge wave of some weird attraction-type energy surge over me. [He soon began a relationship with one of them.]

[Age 20, day 67 no porn] I’ve always been the type of dude who wanted a girl every now and then but never really needed one. But for whatever reason today I feel different. I’m not sure if I could ever really stay committed to a female completely, but I can’t help but feel the need to bond with one … Even if it doesn’t mean actually date a girl but at least get intimate with her … play, kiss, crack jokes, smile, gaze deep into her eyes, whisper in her ears, play with her neck, etc … doesn’t necessarily have to lead to f*cking but I just miss those feelings. I never thought that porn could desensitize me to a point where I no longer craved for those feelings of intimacy until now.

(Day 31) I have never felt more attracted to my wife and not just sexually but emotionally. I just can’t get enough of being around her, I miss her when she isn’t here – a big change from enjoying her absences because it meant I could freely PMO – and at the same time I don’t feel the need for her approval anymore: it’s difficult to explain this but basically I’ve never really felt like I can make my own decisions and never really felt like I can do things for myself, I would always be thinking ‘I will do this because Mrs NMRN wants it done’ or ‘I won’t do this because she will find out.’ Now I do stuff for myself. I’m more independent and assertive which, although she hasn’t mentioned, I can tell she likes because we get on so much better.

(Age 17) I started masturbating when I was 13 years old and never looked back. I would say I fapped at least once a day over the past 4 years. It has robbed me of feeling love, patience, happiness, and a whole slew of emotions. I can now talk to girls with ease and I’m obsessed with females in general. It is finally making sense how the whole relationship thing works being that I never before had a desire to have a SO.

I just gotta say, no PMO does wonders for a relationship. I’ve basically jacked off every day since my gf and I have been together (about 1.5 years) and since I’ve started nofap, our emotional  connection has never been better. I understand her like I never have before and I have way more confidence. She is more into me and has been way more affectionate in every day life. Overall, I just feel like she is way more attracted to me because I have more self esteem, self awareness and more manliness. Nofap with a hot girlfriend (Day 50)

[Age 30] The reboot has really driven home to me that we humans are social beings. Porn can fool you into believing that you can be content in perpetual solitude, but it is an illusion. When porn is out of the picture, especially if you go as far as no fantasy, you will be madly driven to make connections with real women.

My Story: Porn-love, Secrets and Self Hatred

I still want to have sex with girls just as much as before I started nofap – more than that, even. But at the same time, this desire has become one tiny little part of all the things I want from a relationship. The way I see it now, to see girls as sex objects actually means you want very little. Far from asking too much of them by fulfilling your fantasies, you ask too little. Life is so much bigger than sex, and girls can give you so much more of themselves than their vagina. Only wanting sex seems like you’re cheating yourself out of the greatest experiences life can offer.

So last night I wrote a late-night post about temptation talking to me. Eitherway I went to sleep without giving in. Not to go into too much detail, but in the middle of the night my wife leans over and starts kissing me… It lead to an amazingly intimate and special experience. I felt so much love for her that I have not felt before… I loved HER not some idea of what sex is like, just her. After, instead of feeling awkward or like I had to clean-up (fap habit) we just laid there and talked. Its always been hard for my wife to talk openly after sex or really ever. But last night I got to know a little more of her than I have ever known. No it wasn’t some crazy multi-position, hours-long F* fest it was guilt-free and satisfying! So for you married guys and girls: things will get better so keep going. For the singles or dating, maybe take sex of a pedestal and its value may actually go up in your mind and body. Finally for everyone: the power of a secret is the secret; once it is exposed it has no more power… its dead. It might hurt, but you deal a deadly blow to your enemy’s attack. You all are beautiful people even if you can’t see that fact. Best sex of my marriage

Age 30+ currently in a relationship…. In the past, sex wasn’t emotional, on some level it was like there was nobody else there because you were in your own head the whole time for one reason or another (fantasizing, DE issues, etc…). Girlfriends during my mid 20’s to early 30’s just didn’t arouse anywhere close to what high-speed porn offered, no matter how good they looked. I didn’t recognize these things at the time of course, but since beginning this journey thanks to YBOP, in the past 4 months, I can honestly say I’m shocked how good sex can be with your girlfriend when you eliminate the constant, steady pattern of PMO. It didn’t take long once I brokethe pattern to change everything. I’m not in my own head while having sex, I can actually focus on my girlfriend and everything that makes her attractive….and boy what a difference! I’m posting this is for the younger guys out there….If I only had the benefit of knowing this when I was in my 20’s, who knows what may be different now?

32 days – You can’t look into a woman’s eyes if you spend hours every day visualizing misogyny.

I don’t have a queasy conscience anymore. There isn’t anything i need to hide anymore and this feels pretty good. I feel more comfortable, when i’m spending time with my girlfriend. I actually get a boner again while kissing her. That’s amazing, because that hasn’t happened since we got together two years ago. I have the feeling, that i finally can love her the way she has deserved to be loved.

(200 days) I now have an undeniable sex drive. I want my wife more than ever. If a long time passes without sex, I feel this thing called ‘sexual tension’ which is apparently a real thing!

In my experience with nofap, I’ve finally reached one month (for the second time), and have been facing challenges. I had real sex, with a real (and very beautiful) woman just this past week. This awoke lots of sexual desire within me, and I started looking at porn again; no fapping, but porn. What I was first struck by was the rush, the feeling of intense lust and physical desire. I was getting hit with the drug again. I didn’t fap. I closed my computer, and I went to bed. I woke up this morning, and I did it again.Here’s what happened: whereas last night, when I felt the rush, and was very physically aroused, I was less aroused this morning. And as I turned it off, and went about my morning routine, I noticed something: I felt a little dead inside again. Walking through my day, I was feeling a lot of attraction for women around me (it’s been very hot out lately and girls have been wearing skirts, tanks, and dresses), BUT I have also noticed a very weird and impersonal kind of quality to that feeling of attraction.Then it hit me, here’s the difference: when I slept with a real woman, after 29 days of not looking at porn or fapping, I was genuinely aroused, and by HER. Now, after getting stoked in the fire of porn, I was just aroused, and these women happened to be around me. Burnt out from dopamine, the normal feelings of connection that would’ve come to the surface when I looked into a woman’s eyes, when she looked back at me were gone. My hunch is that women can feel this, and I think this is the “really creepy” quality that women talk about sometimes feeling from a guy, even those he seems like a perfectly nice guy. Something is off, and they can’t quite put their finger on it (although I’m sure some can).And there is the disconnect. When two people who are feeling desire or interest in one another normally experience a similar firing of hormones, triggered by anticipation and also the firing of mirror neurons, now don’t fire in one person. It’s maybe blind conjecture, but I sometimes wonder how many times I’m looking at a woman who might actually experiencing a feeling of attraction for me, but who feels something incongruent coming back from me, not only incongruent, but very impersonal and potentially agressive. I can’t imagine anything creepier than this. Original post

Yesterday I went on a first date with this girl I’ve been chatting with online. We had a lot in common, laughed a ton, told each other funny stories, and I completely lost track of the time. We ended up getting a few drinks and then walked to a park to watch the sunset on a bench. Without hesitation, I put my arm around her while we were talking and she snuggled up against me. A few minutes later I looked into her eyes, smiled and gave her a kiss. A huge rush of dopamine hit me right in the gut that felt healthy, and my buddy in my pants also woke up from his 23 day nap. After dropping her off I realized that I can’t wait to see her again because I had so much fun spending time with her.

Walking home I realized that because of NoFap I genuinely want to get to know her better and just spend time with her without any expectation of sex or orgasm on my end.

I would imagine that my body has been desensitized to dopamine since I started fapping in middle school and that is why I never felt this way before about someone. It kind of blows my mind that this is a normal feeling that so many people have experienced before, but I never did. Not any more! This realization about myself makes me feel like this.

(1 yr effort – Day 90)

I have been in a stable relationship this whole time and I have seen a huge transformation in how I approach our intimate time. That time, for me, used to be about one things: simply getting my rocks off. Of course it was enjoyable, but there was no difference between how it would have felt if I was with her or if I was doing it myself. It was just about the chemical feeling that comes with release. Now, because she is my only outlet for sexual activity, it has changed everything. Engaging in that experience has become more about her and I spending time together. Doing something that only she and I can do. It has become much more sensual, much more intense, and a lot more fun.

(Day 90) The Beauty in women – The first things I noticed when I began my nofap challenge, was that my bad habit of seeing only the beauty in women automatically shifted to be very accepting and openminded towards almost any woman I’ve met. Right now I want to go out there and FIND a mate for me. MY sexual desire has never been higher, and I’ve started to become more observant towards women who could become good girlfriends and eventually good mothers. It’s not entirely about their beauty anymore.

I’ve always loved my wife but I’ve PMO’ed all through our 8 years of being together. Our relationship is very strong, strong enough to survive this but now things are just super amazing between us. Everything is on steroids. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2e7u17/you_know_whats_nice_about_abstaining_from_pmo/cjwvs5b

Quitting makes you “realize that not everything in life is easy”. In fact, the most important things in life are very difficult indeed, but if you have the self-discipline for this, you can have confidence that you can tackle the other things as well.

Before realizing that porn was the problem, I used to think I needed to get healthier fantasies. Now, almost 8 months after quitting porn, I’m finding that the fantasies I used to have don’t appeal to me anymore…at all. I actually find myself feeling repulsed by the idea of them. It turns out, I didn’t need healthier fantasies, I needed to quit porn. We live in a culture that encourages us to have fantasies, share them with our SO and even act them out together. But what I found is that my wife and I both enjoy sex much much more when there is no fantasy involved; just the two of us in the moment. I’m now able to make love to her without erectile issues, face-to-face with eye contact. She tells me that her enjoyment of sex with me is far far better than it ever was before; of course we are learning to be together in the “Karezza Way”, and that helps a lot too. This was something I thought I might never achieve, but I did. All it took was to give my brain a break from all that extra stimulation; to protect it…saving my arousal response only for my wife. It’s worth it.

She was Beautiful

I went on a date yesterday with the lady I’m dating, when I saw her I had no other thought except ” WOW! This woman is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen” I was genuinely attracted to her, she wasn’t even wearing skimpy clothing or showing any cleavage, but she was still so, so beautiful.

She doesn’t look like the women you see in the magazines or porn sites, 12 months ago I don’t think I would have found her as attractive. Abstinence and purity changes you and allows you to see the true attractiveness in all women

A bonus besides all of the benefits you see on here regularly is that the girls you see on a regular basis are so much more appealing and beautiful. While looking at porn the average girl I saw (including pictures/videos/and real life) was much hotter than most girls I would see during the day. So my rating of what a 1-10 was very harsh compared to what it is now. Im no longer holding girls to standards that even porn stars haven’t accomplished. I now have more realistic standards. Finding regular girls more attractive has made the number of pretty girls I interact with on a daily basis increase. This has given me more confidence as well.You are also able to develop a more broad and real view of what you find beautiful in girls. While looking at porn you are able to get exactly what you are looking for when you type something into the search bar. But this is often the same thing over and over again because that is what you think you like. This reinforces a very narrow range of tastes in women. I have begun to find many different things about a women beautiful just besides big asses and tits. Soft skin, petite figure, so many things. TL;DR: Real women become more beautiful.

(30 days) Finding much more women attractive and spending less time focusing mentally on their body parts. Instead, I’m finding myself wondering what their story is…what do they like/dislike…and wanting to get to know them. Not objectifying them off the bat and putting sex on the backburner. In the past I would consider most women sub-par and focus on their flaws, but these days I realize I have flaws and so do they and am able to see through them.

I reached day 7 of nofap, the longest I’ve ever done, horny as piss and one of my ex fuck buddies is over. We start having sex and I just. I just didn’t want to. I don’t know who i am as a person or what I want, but I’m learning what I dont want and who I am not. It is a start.

Married guy here. Just completed 30 days – and LOVING the results…

First, some background. I’ve been a fapper as long as I can remember. When I got married four years ago, I hoped that my need for porn would no longer be present. But nope. It was. I told myself that porn wasn’t hurting my marriage. But over time, I stopped making as many sexual advances with my wife. And the rare times that I did, she seemed uninterested.So, for the past year, I would say on average we were having sex just once every 2 weeks. And I was OK with that. Porn had emasculated me. After stumbling onto r/nofap, watching the youtube videos, and reading lots and lots of your stories, I decided to give this a go and see what happened.

Now how I think about girls is COMPLETELY different. And since I think about girls 180 differently and in a healthy and loving way now, porn is just different now. Porn doesn’t really do it for me anymore. Porn is just weird now. Because I don’t think of sex in that way now. How I fantasize and think about girls now is A TON different than way back then. And I think this has dramatically helped my porn addiction. Just looking at sexuality in a very different way.

The results so far have BLOWN AWAY all my expectations. Around day 7, I noticed some major changes.

  • My horniness levels for my wife went THROUGH the roof.
  • My skin became clearer than it has ever been. Almost radiant. To the point where friends have complimented me on my skin (which seemed weird to me)
  • I started having more energy and not feeling as sluggish during the day.
  • I noticed an increase in productivity at work
  • My workouts felt better and I started to feel like I was making major breakthroughs physically.

Even as these benefits continued, between days 20-28, I began to feel a strong desire to look at porn again. I started to feel like maybe I had “gotten over it” so it would be OK to look at again. Damn brain. The only thing that kept me from falling back in was hope of reaching Day 30 and posting about to this community. And boy am I glad I did.

Here are just a few of the highlights of reaching Day 30:

  • Last night, I had the STEAMIEST sex with my wife I’ve ever had. I can’t keep my hands off of her now. I came home from work and literally picked her up and threw her onto our bed and had crazy, mind-blowing sex. My new-found sexual aggressiveness turns her on like crazy!
  • Also, she keeps saying how amazing and sexy my body looks now. In four years of marriage, she has NEVER said this to me before. Even though I’ve been doing the same routine I was before, ever since I started r/nofap, I’ve been shedding fat and building muscle like a machine. This is the best my body has felt in my entire life.
  • I’m become more comfortable with myself and a lot of the social anxiety I used to have is gone. I feel like I just project an aura of confidence and transparency now. And it feels great.

So, there you have it! I know it won’t be easy to continue this streak and that the temptation to relapse will also be present, but so far I’m really blown away by what a HUGE positive impact nofap has made in my life, and I’m excited for that to continue! Thanks to everyone in this community, and I hope this post helps inspire other married fapstronauts out there!!!

TL/DR: Married but still PMO’ing. Completed 30 days of nofap. Sex with wife now mind-blowing.

Warning – Cutting out porn may be a one-way street, as this man found when he experimented with porn again:

The binge wasn’t as enjoyable as I expected. For the first time, being in the perspective of the voyeur felt wrong and kind of sickened me. It had always just felt normal to me since I’m a longtime user. This time, masturbating without any context/connection felt strange and perverted. I now can’t imagine doing that in real life, just having a woman sit there emotionless opening up her holes in front of me. During the reboot I felt more attracted to women as a whole. Now, I can imagine myself looking into a woman’s eye at orgasm rather than focusing on her stretched holes in a detached way.

Restoring relationship harmony      

I believe that during porn addiction, it is basically impossible to connect romantically. It just zaps that part of you and burns it away. I am on week six of my reboot, and for the first time in 5 or 6 years I find myself really feeling like connecting with a female when I am speaking to her in person. I notice all the things I used to notice when I was younger, and inside I feel this now unfamiliar urge to get closer to her, look deep into her eyes, smile etc. I have not been able to look a woman in the eyes like that for a long time, never mind smiling! It’s great.

How we use our sexual desire appears to have a powerful influence on how loudly we hear our pair-bonding programming. Unlike us, our ancestors weren’t driven by unending, novel erotic visuals to climax beyond normal satiety. They were more likely to allow their brains and bodies to rest and renew themselves.

Returning the brain to homeostasis in between passion bouts may turn out to be very healthy for those who want relationships. The greater the brain’s sensitivity to pleasure, the more rewarding we perceive our intimate relationships.

I looked up at her and our eyes locked, and then she smiled very warmly, and *BOOM*, I literally got this surge of chemical loveliness up my spine and into the back of my head. I smiled back, of course. The feeling was so physical, so palpable, that it really surprised me. It instantly made me feel extremely happy and optimistic. I don’t ever remember being so affected by a smile or glance. It’s just astounding. To go from being so numb, where only the most vile and shocking sexual images triggered a response in me, to getting such a positive sensation from a simple smile and meeting of the eyes…that is what makes this whole process worth it. Curing E.D. or other such problems is just an added bonus. Feeling ALIVE again is where it’s really at!

If too frequent orgasm alters the sensitivity of the brain temporarily (and it appears to do this in some brains), then it makes perfect sense that when we overdo it, our mate doesn’t look so hot—until our brain returns to homeostasis. Trouble is, thanks to today’s hype that “more is better,” the unsuspecting heavy porn user is unlikely to realize what’s going on until he hits a wall. This can lead to futile churning in intimate relationships.

As the men quoted above stopped the intense stimulation of Internet porn, the pleasures of closeness gradually grew more tangible and satisfying. For them, “sex positive” now has a whole new meaning, and has led to some insightful reflection. One of them posted the following passage from Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning“:

The more a man tries to demonstrate his sexual potency or a woman her ability to experience orgasm, the less they are able to succeed. Pleasure is, and must remain, a side-effect or by-product, and is destroyed and spoiled to the degree to which it is made a goal in itself.

Could Frankl be right? Might our frenzied use of sex-aids be spoiling our pleasure? If so, what about redefining “sex positive” in terms of pleasure and sensitivity rather than mere quantity?

A counterbalance:

The game has changed, and it kind of sucks now.

by wiseguyhobbes

Warning: this post is pretty rant-ey, but here me out. I’m hoping my discontent and my reasoning will resonate and inspire change on a larger scale.

I think it’s a combination of things, but our culture has definitely changed with regards to sexuality, dating, and what’s possible for a guy to obtain. If you haven’t noticed, the majority of sex occurs outside the context of relationships; it’s casual. That means that girls have guys wanting non-commital sex with them, all the time. It’s much harder to hold a girl down, and to do it, you have to exert great effort in competing with the other wanna-be alphas. Even if you’re a quality guy with a lot going for him, it’s easy to get cheated on, and you can sense that girls just aren’t committed. Another way to put it is that guys aren’t as wanted anymore. They have to turn into duschy competition-machines in order to please a girl at all. They want to be fucked, and they don’t really give a shit about you if you’re not, at this moment, offering that. (hopefully we’ll find out why in a minute)

I’m a very good looking guy — top tier, even. I long for the days when an intelligent and good-looking guy could have a decent job, a social network, and a quality girlfriend where there is intimacy and romance. The dating game and being truly social is over; all there is anymore is chasing tail and anti-social debauchery. It’s like we debase ourselves with our porn and our promiscuity to the point that we’re just savages.

We’d be much better off adopting cultural values closer to what exist in the romance countries like Italy, etc. They have hot sex but it’s not animalistic. It’s sensual and intimate. You can actually talk to the girl you want to have sex with, and she loves it! Although the truth is they may be changing to be more Americanized anymore.

Also I do realize that plenty of people fall outside of these norms. Reddit has an above average amount of non duschy-wanna-be-alphas. But reddit is also frequently sex-deprived (aside from Gone Wild, but those girls mostly wouldn’t fuck the average redditor anyways).

Maybe the fact that girls are looking for a fuck is the problem in the first place. Porn is what unleashed this beast, if you ask me, and it won’t be easy to put back in the bag, if ever. How did porn do this?You see girls obtain esteem by their sexuality. Men gain esteem by their sense of self. We gain confidence through sexuality, but not esteem. Ever notice that monogamy was always a man-sanctioned institution? Men enforced monogamy because they valued themselves enough to not go fucking every slut and throwing true male values out, and thus their power and sense of worth as men.

So do we need to go back to a patriarchal monogamous society? Fuck no. But IMO the world would be far better off if everyone quit porn, and cared about something more than fucking. Guys are the ones who need to lead this, and their the ones with something to gain by doing so.

TL;DR : most girls primarily are only looking to get fucked. While sex is fun (thus the alure of porn) guys get their esteem from more than sex, and have something to gain from cultivating values, and a social sense of self, beyond chasing a fuck. Promiscuity raises female value, monogamy, male value. Ever notice that men were the protectors of that institution? We don’t need to reinstitute strict monogamy, but something closer to it would be good for us males.

NUMEROUS SELF-REPORTS:

206 thoughts on “Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance (2012)”

  1. Here’s a forum post that is relevant here:

    I’ve noticed that with women before, I would be afraid of getting too close to them. I don’t know why. I had pre-conceived ideas about what the girl should look like, etc. And at the heart of it, I was afraid of it. But now, I don’t feel that way. This girl isn’t the most attractive girl I’ve been with, but I feel so attracted to her. I like the feeling. This might not even last very long, but I do enjoy feeling this way. Like the other day, I saw her and she wasn’t wearing makeup. I still felt attracted to her though. I feel like sometimes it’s not necessary. She wasn’t wearing anything hot or tight, but I felt really turned on while next to her – when she smiled or laughed, etc. Again, this is a girl I’ve seen since I’ve started this reboot – and you could read how this has progressed. In the beginning I was in it for sex. But, since I already knew I couldn’t keep it up to do it (and she was down for that), I put it off. But now, I want to be around her (and yes, have sex too). I was always afraid of being judged for not being with a hot girl (yes, this was shallow), but now I just don’t care. I keep thinking “well, this is who I like right now, what’s wrong with that?”

    I noticed that I can hold eye contact much better – and that I’m more attentive to others around me. For example, I volunteered to help my family with cooking all the food for a birthday party. That’s something I normally would never do. Everyone commented how they were shocked I was doing this. And I wanted to do it! I don’t feel 100% yet socially speaking, but I’m starting to feel real improvements.

    I was out with my brother today, and he commented how it’s not normal for me to point out how hot girls around me are. I was walking in the store, and saw cute girls here and there – it was nice. Again, I don’t feel like jumping on them and talking, but I feel more attracted to them now.

    This morning I had some wood – I think it’s about 75%. And I just think about the girl I’m seeing – how it would feel to have sex with her. But the fantasy wasn’t about the thrusting – I kept thinking about touching and feeling.

    Anyway, things are not 100% yet, but they’re definately getting there. Weird, but just two days ag I was going through some hard stuff – and I even doubted this girl would even want to be with me. But now I feel I can be honest with myself emotionally. And I’ve also realized that I didn’t know how to do that before. I’m actually learning what this means right now! And I’m starting to feel free.

    I’ve also noticed that I get joy/happiness when I see my nieces – normally, I just ignore them, but now I feel happy for them being there – like their precious little smiles and stuff. I also went to coffee this afternoon with my mom and brother – I’ve never done with before. I was even hungover! But I enjoyed being there with them!

     

  2. A blogger wrote this

    In the first few years of being married, I regularly looked at teh Pr0n [porn] several times a week. I hid my credit card statements that showed the billing company info. I consumed it in secret. It was a forbidden thrill.

    Then one day, I was ruminating while lying in bed, in a post-coital haze after consummating marital relations with her, and I realized something: Teh pr0n was ruining my enjoyment of the real thing. It was corrupting my marriage. I had begun feeling like no matter what sex act or novelty we tried, it wasn’t enough…more…More….MORE.

    Now when I used to look at girly mags or watch videotapes, I never had any problems or sense of dissatisfaction with my real life carnal experiences at all. I had a flash of insight.

    Teh Pr0n was insidious. Fuckin’ evil.

    Soon thereafter I quit cold turkey. I cancelled my subscription and stopped visiting the then just emerging free sites. Within a week or so, my attitude and satisfaction with marital relations improved dramatically.

    Read entire piece

  3. Another post of interest

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/v6hkf/being_not_in_the_moment_and_my_mistake_to_chase/

     At this point, not fapping is fairly easy and my bad habit of going to porn sites and fap is foreign to me now.

    After quite a few successes in achieving full erection and actually maintaining the hardness (yes!!! about time) during sex, I had flood of confidence not only in meeting women but in any other part of my life in general I was confident and more assertive. UNTIL LAST NIGHT…

    Last night I realized a HUGE hole in my nofap practice – and that was human connection. I was just so happy at the thought of no ED that all I wanted was sex (almost back in my dark self). Yesterday I met a girl and while doin the deed, I was extremely excited. I wanted to have sex with her at that moment, but she kept resisting all night. Not a biggie. and I was preparing to sleep to sleep. But later that night she wanted to have sex and by then for some reason I could not get it back up for the life of me. I felt a bit devastated that my ED came back.

    I didn’t want to tell this girl of my shame in porn/gap induced ED so I decided to talk. As I looked into her eyes while we were talking I noticed things that were cute about her, and frankly things that I should have noticed before like the color of her eyes. As we made more connection amazingly my lil guy was ready to play again. I was very confused but realized something big. I was not enjoying the moment. I was chasing after sex and becoming my old self.

    Guys, I read a lot here that people who have been in this nofap cleansing process have noticed their significant increase in connection to their SO or people in general. THIS IS THE TRUE GOAL OF NOFAP. Curing ED happens to be a bonus effect that comes with it.

    I know now. I feel like I know the mistake and this whole journey has taught me so much. thank you guys so much

  4. Perception shift
    reported by another guy:

    Thoughts as 90 days approaches….I’ll keep it going because I have a girlfriend and therefore only have to cope with 1-2 week periods when we’re apart because of work or going to see family. I want to keep it going because it’s having such a positive impact on my life. When I started rebooting my libido for real-life sex was virtually non-existent. My GF and I hadn’t had sex for 2-3 months. The relationship was near death. Things weren’t easy, there was an initial period of renewed sexual interest on my part, but there then followed the flatline period, which was fairly prolonged for me. I’m through it now, and sex life with GF is much healthier, and improving all the time.

    It’s a harmful thing, porn, and I now see that, being liberated from it for the first time since I was 9 years old.

    I’m going through a new phase now, one very unexpected: I’m seeing the world from a woman’s perspective. Porn was fueling a misogyny in me that I’m only now beginning to recognize. With the widespread consumption of hardcore porn, I wonder how much this is fueling the online hostility towards women, which is all too apparent to me now. I wonder if it’s related to the frustration men can feel at their lack of control over women. They can summon women at will to have degrading sex on command on the internet, but all the real-life women are different, they seem to have their own idea of what they want to do…

  5. Another guy
    rediscovers sex with his sweetheart:

    I just got back from a 5-day work conference. Normally I would have been fapping the entire time, but with a week already under my belt I was committed to no PMO while I was away. A little back story: I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years as of this past Sunday, and I’ve recently begun to wonder if the chemistry is fading. But that was before rebooting. When I got back from the conference yesterday I was exhausted physically and mentally. In the past that would have meant me backing out of sex, fully believing that the fatigue was the problem. But this time I discovered an inner reservoir of energy I never expected to find. The sex was incredible, passionate, and unbelievable. I felt like I was 20 years old all over again. After 5 years of being “too tired” to have sex in times like these I now know the problem isn’t about fading chemistry but about wasting my sexual energy fapping all the time.

  6. From reddit – NoFap – 90 days

  7. From reddit – NoFap
    Okay newbie guys, this is what it takes: listen up, man up and quit screwin’ up

    That’s right – don’t give up all the hard work you’ve done so far.

    You’ll feel empty man. So empty. So wasted.

    Let me encourage you to have a big picture: in my opinion, the first 30 days are the most difficult and – even more specifically – the very first 15 days. If you can just keep the course for another week, you will have taken a very big first step in beating this vice.

    Finish today fap-free! You can end today with the knowledge that you won again.

    It boils down to this: do you really want your dick to rule over you? Do you really want that 5.2 inches (length varies) of skin and feeble muscle to RULE over you? To decide what IS and ISN’T important?

    Let me give you some motivation: it’s such a breath of fresh air when – at the end of each fap-free day – you can say: my brain controlled my dick and not vice-versa!

    Think about it: the stereotypical male who is hated by the ladies – what’s his problem? “All he thinks about is sex! He doesn’t talk with me! He doesn’t cuddle! Just sex and then sleep.” Of course this stereotype is askew, but there’s some truth behind it. Men who serve their penises will be a let down in relationships. They won’t think of her needs, her feelings, her wants…It’s all about Mr. Penis.

    Let me be clear: I love sex. I want it more often than I get it. But being free of both pornography and masturbation has given me the REFRESHING opportunity to use my brain in my relationships. I want sex just as much as the next guy – but I’m no longer driven by my penis. I get to decide when I orgasm. It’s made my relationship with my SO so much more significant. When she’s tired, I understand. When she’s stressed, I can deal with it. We talk. We cuddle.

    I view her as a person now. She deserves just as much respect as I do.

    It’s a sad reality, but my generation grew up on porn. And try as we might (and many of us do make a brave attempt at it) we have limited ourselves in relating to women. We see them as breasts, butts and vagina’s, who happen to talk a lot. And while we are willing to spend time & money in our relationship, like it or not, we do this because we want something (i.e. sexual release) out of the relationship, and the more frequently the better!

    I love my SO, and my greatest expression of this love was not in asking her to marry me, nor the flowers I send monthly, nor the hugs, kisses and laughing. The greatest proof of my love is when I stopped thinking with my dick, and started thinking with my heart.

    Just like you, I have miles to go yet. I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. 90 days doesn’t magically make all your memories and impulses go away. So we’re in this together. We gotta grow up, man. We gotta learn to appreciate people because they are skin & bones, fellow human beings, with opinions, etc. The best way to make a step in this direction is breaking out of the vice of PMO.

    And you’re doing that. I’m proud of you. Don’t stop.

  8. Couples therapy vs. NoFap? No contest! Allow me to explain.
    YRON: Your Relationship on NoFap

    Even though I long expected that porn and masturbation were damaging my relationship, until now I had no idea how true that was. With 27 days now under my belt, I can objectively say for the first time in my five-year relationship that P and M were at the root of 95% of my relationship problems, maybe even more!

    Heading into this experiment I thought that my relationship was on the slide: attraction was slipping, sexual drive was low, etc. Embarrassingly, I looked forward to times when I could just rub one out all by my lonesome because sex felt like a chore at times. Porn fantasies were also a problem. In short, I’d turned one of life’s greatest pleasures into an obligatory duty to keep my relationship going.

    Fast forward 3.5 weeks, and things couldn’t be more different. Any anxiety I felt about sex is all but gone. I’ve stopped thinking or fantasizing during sex almost entirely, and I’m totally into it. I don’t think I’ve said “I’m too tired” or “Not tonight, honey” once since starting NoFap, even though I’ve been absolutely exhausted at times. Once I’m aroused I’m like an animal after its prey!

    To boot, I’ve started to care about my physical appearance again after 6 months out of the gym. This is having some positive side effects for my relationship, too, but probably because I’m feeling more confident.

    I’ve gone through sexually exciting periods in my relationship, especially in the first couple of years and on vacations to exotic places. But this is better because it’s not based on novelty or on external stimuli. This experience has totally reinvigorated both my sex life and my faith in myself that I can sexually sustain a long-term relationship, something I’d begun to doubt in recent years.

    Thanks to all of you for your support and your posts!

    Would love to hear from others in relationships about there experience with the NoFap challenge. Anyone else having a similar experience?

  9. Comment from a forum member

    LINK

    I should also say that I seem to not have any brain fog after [real sex with my girlfriend], even if I have it once on 2 or 3 consecutive days over a weekend. It was very different with masturbation.

    With sex I don’t feel that extreme lethargy. Instead, I almost feel energised. And as if sex is the last thing I want to think about. Another thing to note is that I only orgasm once per session (it sounds crude calling it a session I know). Once I’ve orgasmed, the desire to do it all again is zero, for at least 12 hours, and some times a week.

  10. I’m a few years older & fapped ~once a week

    LINK – icarusfalls

    I’m a few years older & fapped ~once a week. I’ve never had a probelm with ED or low sex drive.

    It’s not that I fapped/watched porn too often according to anyone else, but it’s who I was that I hated. I viewed women as sexual objects and treated my wife….(the only word I can think of) poorly, while desiring her to be something/someone else.

    After my ~50 days here I know that I am a different man. My attitude towards my wife & other women have changed. I no longer feel like I need pornography/self pleasure to deal with stress or boredom.

    I’d encourage you to try it. I mean, if it’s only every other day right now try and go 7 days without pornography or fapping & see if there’s a difference. Like me/the many others here, you might discover that you like who you are without the need for PMO in your life.

  11. Another benefit: cleaner fantasies

    Another benefit: cleaner fantasies

    I noticed recently that all my sex fantasies are about sex with my wife. I used to feel guilty that I fantasized about more than that. I’d use scenes from porn or self-crafted scenarios, all with crazier and crazier positions and situations.

    All I’m obsessed with now is making sweet love to my wife. It’s nice. Makes me feel much cleaner.

    (Btw, my fantasies tend to happen when I’m falling asleep. They’re not exactly conscious and it does tempt me to edge or fap, but thankfully neither have happened.)

  12. Reddit – day 27 report

    27 day report… having difficulty

    Hi guys.

    27 days ago, I stumbled into this subreddit, picked my jaw up from the floor and started realized all the effects porn was having in my life.

    I told my wife what I had realized, and undertook this journey.

    Well it hasn’t been all good, nor all bad.

    The good, I am relating to a lot of what the other guys have been saying. My wife is absolutely loving the new me. I am feeling so much better about myself. I am walking with my head held high. The other day a poor kid (early 20s) posted a sad story about finally getting together with this girl he’s liked for a long time, and having ED when it came time to do the deed. I asked him if he watched porn and put a link to this sub, lo and behold he had a major realization and pledged to join our little movement. I felt very proud and hope it will make a difference in this kid’s life, he found out about this ten years quicker than I did.

    Now the bad. Well there isn’t too much, I haven’t had a major wall (flatlining) yet. It was really easy resisting the usual urges at first because this made so much sense to me, because deep down I realized porn wasn’t satisfying me at all, and because I was having more quality time with my wife.

    No close calls and I’ve stayed away from all my usual go-to resources with relative ease, but after 27 days it’s becoming increasingly difficult. I stumbled upon some NSFW material a few times lately, and each time it was harder and harder to close the window and purge the thoughts from my mind.

    I know some redditors think this sub is BS and that we’re all kidding ourselves, but honestly I don’t think I would be able to keep going without knowing this community exists. It makes a world of difference knowing I am doing this for a reason, and that this restraint and sacrifice matters and will pay off and continue to pay off.

  13. Guy’s comment on a forum

    Day 60, no PMO) I am finally glimpsing my libido. I am a huge horn dog. It has a different quality to it. I can control it as compared to sneaking to the bathroom with my android phone to watch some porn every time i get horny. This is normal 24-year old libido. Huge difference. Feels good. Before it was weird and shameful. Now I feel like a cave man. It’s so cool. I check out every chick now. I want to sleep with practically every one…but not just sleep with them. Make love. Clear distinction. I want to lay on the beach and feed them grapes.

    https://web.archive.org/web/20210419100053/http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/alpha777/day-60-whew

  14. [Day 30 NoFap / Day 300 NoPorn] – Progress Report

    [Day 30 NoFap / Day 300 NoPorn] – Progress Report

    I promised to check back once I hit 30 days of NoFap, and that time has finally come, along with my first NoFap star ever. I’m not really sure what encouraging words I could add to the mountain of existing wisdom already conveyed on this subreddit, so I’ll just share some thoughts on the last 4+ weeks.

    Firstly, I fully acknowledge that I probably couldn’t have reached this milestone without the extra motivation afforded by my wonderful girlfriend. Being with her has allowed me to begin to put my sad and pathetic past behind me and look forward to a future in which I can feel good about myself and my deeds. I started running every day because everytime she mentioned her running experiences (she used to run track) I would feel like a lazy piece of crap, and today marks the 12th day of an uninterrupted daily running streak. I have no delusions that this is but a small step in the right direction – I only run about 2.5 miles per day, in two equal segments separated by a 10 minute break.

    Secondly, a big part of why I finally started doing NoFap again after having lapsed into an erratic pattern of fapping is because I wanted to be able to provide a satisfying experience for her when we finally began to have intercourse (which happened much sooner than I would have expected or even hoped for). Due to my inexperience, the first time was underwhelming, but what mattered more to me than the actual act was what it symbolized: that our relationship was becoming firmer and more well-defined. Yesterday marked our second time together in bed, and I must say that it was a vastly more satisfying experience. Again, the intimacy permeating the encounter was considerably more important to me then the act itself. However, what really made yesterday special was the completion of the exchange of “I love you”s, a pivotal moment in any relationship.

    With regard to NoFap itself, it was tremendously easy since, as I stated above, I’ve had more positive motivation than ever before. I’ve pretty much had zero urges, and I don’t see this changing anytime soon. I realize that this is probably not particularly helpful to those of you without significant others (the very position I was in prior to 5 weeks ago), and I’m sorry I can’t provide any useful / motivating advice. All I can really say is “get a girlfriend / boyfriend if you can”, which can be rather difficult (and my particular experience was that she texted me out of the blue and we went from there).

    Good luck to everyone in your NoFap endeavors! 🙂

  15. Downsides to fapping include disinterest in my girlfriend…

    LINK – I was looking for a place to post this, my own personal experience and this sub-reddit is perfect.

    When having not faped for a week or more, I genuinely feel much better about myself. I feel like a lot more confident when talking to people, I’m much less of an introvert. I become much more assertive in day to day activities, this includes mentality to keep a steady work-out schedule, getting up and to work on time and general motivation to do complete jobs.

    My abilities to focus on extracurricular activities such as learning new languages, developing my skills in Photoshop and playing piano increase by leaps and bounds.

    Downsides to fapping include disinterest in my girlfriend… I mean I would sometime just have sex with her to make her happy, all the while thinking of when I can watch some more porn. This time I’ll try to stick with it…. with the 22,492 of you!

  16. The effects on the brain of masturbation (especially with porn)
    One guy described his experiments:

    Eventually I relapsed. I won’t bore you with the details, but it was pretty typical. I let my guard down and then proceeded to PMO three or four times over the course of about a day. The crazy thing for me was how substantially different the effect was from fapping than it was from sex. When I’d had sex, I felt satisfied afterwards, and happy, but my sexual appetite returned pretty quickly. I still had “the fire.” After PMO I felt satisfied and happy as well (just speaking the truth), but my sexual appetite didn’t return. I had a desire for more PMO, but the fire was gone–I had less energy, lower libido, less attraction to women, less energy, etc.

    It’s now been almost a week and things are starting to get back to where they were before, thankfully. In a way, I’m glad I relapsed, because I got to really experience the drastic difference between PMO and real sex. I knew PMO had been holding me back, but until this happened, I still kind of harbored this feeling in the back of my mind that the benefits I was receiving just came from reducing the number of orgasms, not actually reducing the amount of porn and masturbation. Turns out I was wrong.

    For more on the benefits of intercourse over masturbation, see this journal letter, which discusses a lot of research.

  17. My boyfriend is in Day 2 of NO PMO. This is all new to me, to us

    My boyfriend is in Day 2 of NO PMO. This is all new to me, to us and I want to help him get through this. Any advice for me?

    Hello Fapstronauts! My boyfriend and I just (meaning yesterday) learned that PMO was the cause of his low sex drive, anxiety and sadly, ED. It hurts to see him like this, frustrated and embarrassed. But I’m so proud of him for wanting to learn / do something about what his going through.

    We’ve been together for 4 years and we are not the typical honey bunny type of couples. We don’t celebrate anniversaries, gifts or no gifts are fine and most importantly we are each other’s bestfriend. He’s 29 and I’m 23. During the first 3 years of our relationship, we only spend time during weekends and every time it was amazing. Mainly because we rarely see each other during weekdays due to work and that set-up worked for us. When we decided to work overseas mid 2011, we did not moved in together until 5 months ago. Seeing each other every day made things complicated for us. The first few weeks was great because we finally have an apartment to ourselves and we can get intimate whenever we want to. But after a while it got customary — it was “let’s-just-get-it-over-with” kind of feeling. He became whiny, pessimistic and incompetent about his work and his life in general which we now realized were flatline triggers. (please correct me if i’m wrong) During intimate moments, he would stop me and say he’s not in the mood and that he can’t concentrate. Of course, I felt confused and hurt. It made me question a lot of things like our status as a couple and if what we have now has an expiration date. I even questioned my own actions, my own knowledge in sex & intimacy or if our age difference is starting to be an issue. We got to a point where he implied that he’s not THAT attractive to me anymore and there are just to many other pretty girls where we live now. Ouch! But he said I have nothing to worry because he is not cheating and will not pursue other girls. (insert okay guy here)

    We both want to make things work and we continue to compromise. I offered to watch porn with him but he said it might be too much for me. I’m glad he wasn’t demanding or anything. We then agreed to watch this adult tv show (beyond my comfort zone) with him but still he couldn’t concentrate. We ended up arguing and just hurting each other with words we regret saying afterwards. We even tried Karezza which was great but still, we failed. So frustrating!:( Until 2 nights ago after a failed attempt to have sex, he confessed that he started PMO again while I was in a business trip a week ago and even last Saturday when I went for my doctor’s appointment. I was shocked and anxious. How can he do this to me when he said he stopped watching porn already? Reading through other posts, we now call it relapse. I feel a bit betrayed but at the same time I’m worried about him. I opted not to talk about what happened until I am able to comprehend his confession. That night, he deleted all his porn collection over the span of 6 years (I think) in his own will and I’m proud of him for doing that. He’s been a long time redditor and NoFap subscriber but didn’t take it seriously before. Now, he’s on Day 2 and kept telling me to not give up on him and to help him. I can say with all honesty that I will not give up on him, on us, but how can I help him? What can we and cannot do? Now that we know the problem, I’m relieved that he will stop making excuses about his lack of enthusiasm and will stop whining once and for all. He’s a great guy and I love him. I support him 100%.

    I hope I didn’t bore you with this essay-ish post. This took me a lot of courage to write. Thank you all in advance and you are all incredible!

    P.S. To my dear boyfriend, thank you for introducing me to Reddit. I know you’ll figure out this is me….haha hello! I want to assure you that I’m committed to this as much as you are. I’ll be waiting in anticipation. Eyes on the prize!:)

  18. Forum comments

    LINK Guy 1 – Just seeing a woman remove her bra in front of you feels like a lightning bolt of pleasure coursing through your rib cage. I could never use condoms because they spelled instant ED for me every time. Now, they are essential.

    Guy 2 – Even to just look into a beautiful girls eyes is now a jolt. Its enough to keep me from ever going back.

  19. Why I am quitting porn and how it’s improving my relationship.

    Why I am quitting porn and how it’s improving my relationship.

    Hey everyone I just found out about this subreddit. Seems kind of slow here so I’d thought I’d share my thoughts/story, I’ll try not to wall of text.

    I’ve been married for about 4 years although I am only 23. I have been masturbating to porn regularly since I was about 14 years old, much to my wife’s dismay. I went through pretty much all of my teenage years with the mindset that porn could not be harmful and that everything was a-ok and the only problems were in my wife’s head.

    To make a long story short, after many years of fighting and self-reflection I have come to revise my view of pornography. First and foremost, regardless of what I think (or used to think), it’s obvious that porn use hurts my wife. It makes her feel less attractive and lowers her self-esteem. I have realized porn is just not worth losing my wife. No matter how much I try to justify it.

    Secondly, there is a noticeable difference between when I watch porn daily and when I am able to abstain, even for a week. I get more sensitive and sex with my wife only gets better and better the longer I go without. I can feel more connected with her, and because I feel less guilty, I am less likley to be distant or depressed.

    Finally, my wife is beautiful, like literally she could be a model. She is a few years younger then me and almost everywhere we go she can turn heads. She also has a very high sex drive, and has almost never turned me down. So what purpose could porn possibly serve?

    I feel like this post is already longer than I wanted it to be, but this seems like a supportive place and it’s nice that a sub-reddit exists that isn’t always pushing the “Everyone watches porn it’s so normal, nothing is bad about it at all.” mentality that thrives on reddit. (see the front page submission “Do all men watch porn?” for a pristine example).

    *edit: Wow, hadn’t realized it’s been three weeks already! no relapses so far! Sex with the wife lately has been mind-blowing. Definitely have had urges, but have been able to get through them so far.

  20. Do you feel more “love” feelings towards your SO when you’ve

    LINK -Do you feel more “love” feelings towards your SO when you’ve been fapstinent for a significant amount of time?

    Hi Everyone,

    I have gone on a few long streaks (longest was 30 days) and what I noticed was the return of longing and feelings of love for my SO. Kisses would be explosive even. I’m just wondering if it is just me or if its a common thing. Does PMO and hypersexual-stimulation reduce our ability to feel the feelings of love with a partner that we’ve been with for a while? If this is true, then it would have long term affects on marriages too, no?

     GUY 2)

    To actually ANSWER THE QUESTION, yes, I do feel more loving toward my SO.

    And yes, I have to agree that “fapstinent” is definitely the word of the week.

     GUY 3)

    Here is an AMA a guy did who didn’t fap for a year. He talks about feeling closer with his fiance, I think it answers your question.

     GUY 4)

    I haven’t seen a noticable INCREASE in feelings of love yet. But I’ve always felt a lot of love toward my wife of 7 years. Also, this is my first attempt at complete fapstinance, probably in the whole time we’ve been together, which is 12 years. What I have noticed after my current 17 day streak is that our sex was phenomenal this weekend.

     GUY 5)

    To answer your question, without a doubt! I am more in love with my wife of over ten years now then I was three months ago and no fap / porn free deserves all the credit.

     GUY 6)

    Makes it the way its supposed to be! we were designed for those feelings and for them to be healthy. ….

    ..except when I start fantasizing about an ex girlfriend that I got rid of for a reason… and start seriously considering calling her up.

     GUY 7)

    During my fapping days I always had fights with my fiance and almost lost all feelings towards her, but now after only 14 days I text her every morning and enjoy talking to her and feel like a magnet next to this shiny metal pole . It’s true bro!

     GUY 8)

    Well, when you spend time fantasizing about other women, watching them have sex, wishing we were having sex with them, we are at the least committing emotional infidelity. When we spend so much energy lusting after other women how can anyone think that won’t effect our relationship with our SO. After seeing my wife suffer through my addiction I can say with absolute certainty that pmo is cheating on your wife.

     GUY 9)

    Of course! Perhaps it’s not simply the not fapping, but a combination of spending more time with your SO, them being supportive, more sex, etc.

     GUY 10)

    Definitely. It’s one of the first things my gf noticed along with my better overall mood. I also feel more in control of it as well.

    GUY 11)

    I sort of feel more lovey towards everyone, with people i like, that increase in feelings is stronger 🙂 it’s good stuff

    GUY 12)

    I do feel more loving for my SO. I desire the affection in cuddling, hugging and little sweet kisses.

    After realizing that fapping was the problem for me, I now see what my GF meant a few years back when she said I objectified her. No more. Ever since NoFap, I feel like I love her more. I want her more not for her female attributes but for the person she is; I want her for everything.

    TL;DR Being fapstinent makes me more loving.

  21. Day 90: report

    Day 90: report

    I forgot that I hit the day 90 mark, so I’m posting a usual report.

    My background: I’m in my late 30’s, started fapping when I was 10 or 11 I think. Back in the day, there wasn’t high speed Internet, so I was using mostly VHS and magazines. but when I got the high speed Internet, I got worse, I ended up fapping almost everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I got addicted to visiting “ladies of pleasure” as well. Then I came across a page that mentioned noFap by chance, and I kept reading, and it brought me to noFap. Initially, I tried it for a week, then went up more little by little. By the end, I was feeling almost disgusted at myself for fapping because what I really wanted to real sex with someone special.

    I went through mainly 2 phases during noFap that I really want to emphasize. The first month, I wasn’t with my GF, so now sex, noFap, no nothing. It was freaking hard! Big kudos to those who are doing this without a partner! Once I started having sex regularly, it got super easy, so I decided to stay on this at least as long as I’m with my GF.

    Within the first 7 or 8 days, I noticed an increase in horniness. I guess that’s the rising testosterone. I was always looking in the eyes when I was talking or even just passing by someone, which I wouldn’t have done before! I kept giving smiles to random girls. I felt I was full of this positive energy. Compared to how I used to be, I became completely a new person! I ended up flirting A LOT with one of the girls at the meetup I usually go to. She eventually asked me out! But for unforeseen circumstance, I passed it. My confidence level was that high!

    Then I moved to a city where my current GF lives in. We started having sex, BUT I experienced ED, though rarely. It totally reminded me to stay on noFap until I’m cured. It is getting better as far as I can tell. But the it is a slow progress. I do have a morning wood everyday, so I know it’s more psychological than anything else. My performance is getting better though. It’s just that ED happens irregularly. What I miss is the pumped up energy from not having orgasm for a long time! But it makes sense though. When I was alone with no prospect of sex, I was more assertive and full of energy in order to attract girls. Now that I have a GF, the need to hunt for a girl is gone, hence the decreased energy and the more introverted demeanour.

    You might wonder how I met my GF, oh well, it wasn’t because of the super power induced by noFap. We were kind of dating in the past, and we rekindled in a way.

    I’d love to talk about the noFap super power, but all I’ve noticed is the overall positive energy accompanied by increased horniness. What you do with it makes the difference! It’s not going to deliver you a new GF! You still have to get out and interact with girls!

    What I’ve learned is that at least for me, orgasm is reserved to achieve only with a partner. Why waste the energy that increases while you retain your sperms! Sex became more than a mean to release sperms and have an orgasm, it is now a beautiful ritual. And I learned to enjoy the physical intimacy without thinking about sex all the time. With an increased awareness of the energy, I love the feeling of embracing her naked, which is not necessarily the prelude to sex. It is the connectedness with an extra sensitivity. The whole intimate interaction is becoming more spiritual.

    Anyways, I now understand the benefit of not wasting my orgasm through fapping. I decided to be on noFap for life.

  22. Real Women are Looking Hotter

    Real Women are Looking Hotter

    After 14 days of complete abstinence, I’m getting signs of the porn hypnosis starting to wear off. My ridiculously high standards of feminine beauty are slowly returning to a normal level. Today in town, I gave a number of women (who I would usually ignore) a second look, thinking hey, she looks pretty hot, I could meet her. I think that within a month or two I could be surrounded by beauties – the same women I used to think weren’t attractive enough. Porn really distorts the mind!

    GUY 2)

    This is so true. The reverse is too: I used to see girls and think about just having sex with them, but now I observe their obnoxious behavior and unattractive personalities, and I think to myself “what did I ever see in her?”

    GUY 3)

    It really does. Real women are beautiful…and they’re everywhere : ) Glad to hear you’re coming back down to earth…there’s lots to look at enjoy here! Congratulations on your progress!

    GUY 4)

    I had noticed something like that, but with girls I already liked before, they look hotter now, more charming… I don’t want to fuck them but just touch them, look at them and make them laugh.

    The attraction is kind of different and I think it’s a pretty good sign to see this so early during the PMO

    edit : sry for my english

     

  23. female comments – porn tends to desensitize me

    I’ve given up porn and masturbating so the sex with my boyfriend is more intense. Its not that the sex is bad – its really passionate and wonderful. It’s just that porn tends to desensitize me. My goal is to be able to finally orgasm with him. LINK

  24. I was pretty much a heartless asshole towards girls before

    Feeling emotions? WTF?!!

    I cannot begin to describe how much I’m thankful I found NoFap. Why? There is a hidden benefit I had not noticed until just today – possibly the best benefit of all. I’m beginning to actually have pretty strong feelings for the girl I’m dating! Most people out there are probably thinking “duh… why wouldn’t you have feelings for a girl you entered a relationship with?”

    Well fellow fapstronaut, I’ve never really had feelings for girls I’ve dated before. I pretty much just looked at them as a means to sex (which usually didn’t go very well anyway… it was always much more enjoyable to fap). I didn’t care about being around them because I could be doing other, more pleasuring things to myself. Now that I think about it, that sounds extremely fucked up.

    Today was amazing though. I recently picked up started dating a new girl (perhaps when I was around 40 days in), and something wonderful has happened. I actually have feelings for this girl. It’s not just desire to have sex with her or anything like that. I just want to be with her because I just feel a connection with her. This has never before happened to me. It’s so weird, but so awesome.

    TL;DR I was pretty much a heartless asshole towards girls before NoFap, but now I actually have emotions. Stay strong fellow fapstronauts! I truly believe NoFap makes you a better person!

    GUY 2)

    I started feeling this too with a woman that I’ve been dating, recently. It was bizaare how intense the emotion was. Simply things that she did, a look, a smile, the wave in her hair. All of these things have begun to take on new meaning to me. It is amazing. I am about 69 days no PMO, and about 21 days no MO, FYI. It took about this amount of time for this to happen. A pleasant surprise I must admit.

    GUY 3)

    This more or less describes a component that’s been missing in my attractions to girls. I always felt there was a dimension that was left out.

    GUY 4)

    The best thing about having a strong connection with someone is it takes away the cheapness of sex. Sex means so much more for both parties if they care about each other. Fapping is the cheapest thing of all, it just makes you feel worse, and it’s pointless.

    GUY 5)

    Nail on the head. I actually used to wait for my gf to go to sleep so that I could fap. That’s fucked up.

    I’ve been struggling for the past 3 years to maintain a relationship. Always wound up breaking up with chicks because I didn’t feel anything for them and I would get bored, and I felt like a huge asshole for it. Currently single, and not too far into my nofap endeavor, but I really hope I recoup some emotions for the next gal.

    GUY 6)

    I started getting some emotion coming back from my recent week long streak. It really surprised me, I had always just thought feelings just seemed less intense as you age.

    Reading this all I can do is think about the ways this affected my last 2 relationships. How did I really feel about them? It must have been awful to experience such ambivalence from the man they loved.

  25. I used to fall in love like a dumb animal

    Brothers! This is exactly the reason I was drawn to NoFap. I used to fall in love like a dumb animal in my late teens and early 20s. But have been in and out of relationships that caused me endless frustration (because I couldn’t be what the other person needed me to be), and terrible pain for the other. Started thinking there was something seriously wrong with me. Since starting noFap 3 weeks ago (frick yeah!), I’m not exactly feeling the love yet… plenty of anger… felt like crying after my workout this morning. Gotta stick with it just to see what comes next hey.

  26. Now I’m addicted to manliness

    Now I’m addicted to manliness

    Today I figured out that, even though I used to fap for years to feel the non-hornyness, now I enjoy being horny because it makes me feel powerful AND this way I’m relevantly more interested in women! Sometimes you don’t feel like asking a girl out, because you already relapsed, and that ruines all!

  27. Nowadays, I’m just more aroused by real life than porn

    question about MO effects

    I am on day 59 in my current streak, and have hit over 90 days in the past 4 months. I began PMOing at 15 and have been a habitual user since. It’s amazing how much quitting porn has changed the way I perceive women.

    The other day, I realized 2 things about how uncalibrated my sexuality had become.

    1) I had coupled it to a 3rd person view. I never fantasize about myself with a woman, only how it is to watch her.

    2) I was aroused by feelings of control. Now I think it is part of the masculine identity to be dominant, but this was different. There is a distinction between power and force. I wanted sex MY way, and I obdurately focused on MY needs, rather than appreciating the needs of women I was with. I think it damaged my ability to love, honestly.

    Nowadays, I’m just more aroused by real life than porn. I don’t see myself going back to it. I’m healing.

    I have started to FMO again. When I FMO, I try to make it a loving fantasy and see the world from my perspective, like real life. Or I think about women from my life. I’m trying to train myself to MO only, ie orgasm using only physical sensation (without fantasy). If anyone has advice or comments please post. Am I harming my recovery?

  28. NoFap, you are my hero.

    NoFap, you are my hero.

    I’m in a relationship with someone who only masturbates a few times a year, an it is such a relief! He has realistic expectations about sex and wants it a lot more. I love that he isn’t addicted to internet porn. Giving up my sex life in the past and contending with pornography in past relationships has been brutal, and it’s always been thought of as normal. Thanks all you guys. You are manly, sexy men. I am so proud of you all!

  29. 150 days
    From another forum

    The last 30 days has been a lot different than the span from 90 to 120. I seem to have a rather constant level of horniness throughout most of my days. I’ve gotten pretty good at channeling the energy into work and other positive endeavors. I suppose it’s due to taking different vitamins/supplements and working out a bit more intensely. One thing that also leaves me in a frustrated position is that I can’t readily just go out and meet someone who would be DTF; I’m not quite divorced yet. The legal process takes time. All I can do right now is be patient and focus on work and other goals. I can easily say that if I was still fapping and looking at porn on a near daily basis I would be a total wreck right now.

    It’s hard for me to really say what to expect to someone who hasn’t gotten to this point yet. I’m essentially on hard mode, since I haven’t had sex in about a year. There are days where it gets really difficult not to think about sex, and resisting the urge to throw open a quick incognito window is tough. But these days I have no interest in even looking at any porn related stuff whatsoever because it just straight up makes me angry. I don’t even want to bother, I just would rather connect intimately with a real human being. Some days it makes my heart hurt to think about it. Putting so much weight on wanting something is a bad behavior pattern that I’m working on fixing.

    That’s another thing, you not only feel arousal in your crotchal area, you start to feel it in your heart as well (at least I do). Sort of like a ravenous make out scene in an Italian soap opera. I was saying to a friend of mine that the next time I have sex I would probably have a heart attack and create the next Octamom simultaneously.

    This challenge is different for everybody. But on a less esoteric and more practical note, I’m not doing anything different than many other members of this sub. My diet doesn’t consist of sugary junk food, I exercise on a moderate-to-frequent basis, avoid smoking (including THC), take supplements, get out into the world and interact with people, and have a life goal that you can push towards every day (work…lots of hours of work). But most importantly, just take it a day at a time. Willpower, self-discipline, direction.

    TL;DR: Scroll up and read it.

  30. From another forum
    A guy reports:

    Basically, I don’t want to think of women as objects anymore… not even of those who purposely present themselves as such. This will sound sociopathic (and I think it actually is) but I was having a hard time acting towards and thinking about women as… you know… persons. Porn and my own fantasies destroyed my ability to apprehend them as beings with feelings, with need of sincere affection, with a dignity which demands utmost respect (as with every human being)… furthermore, I think that, regarding this, my own fantasies were more damaging than porn as I’ve never been a regular porn user.

    I’ve been trying to quit fapping for at least ten years… I joined r/nofap a few months ago and it is helping me a lot.

  31. From another forum – Ex-autosexual writes:
    Ex-autosexual writes:

    I identified as an autosexual for several years. I thought that’s just how I was. Sex with real girls didn’t do it for me after 15 years of PMO. At one time in my life I could have sex with girls. Then ED set in combined with performance anxiety. I thought I would never have sex with another person ever again. Depressing as fuck.

    Then some things happened and I woke up one day and said, “No, I want a partner and to have children of my own with a woman I love.” That’s when I started nofap, and went and got a script for ED meds. I’m not there yet, still use the meds, but I have a SO (significant other) and my life is 1,000 times better than it was 2 years ago. Also note I’m old, 40.

  32. From another forum
    Shows perception shift as brain rebalances:

    Tonight I ended up on a porn site for the first time in a long while. While at this point I had almost submitted to the fact that this was going to be another relapse, the feelings I had this time watch porn were completely different from before I started no-fap. The sheer visceral intensity of the stuff is shocking, I suppose leading a life without porn your desensitised nerves start to return to a standard level, so I could almost feel a sort of physical reaction in my mind upon suddenly returning to it. Moreover, I just felt gross to be watching such appalling, bottom-of-the-barrel, degrading depictions of women and sex. Though I felt this in the past too, crucially it was always after the PMO deed had been done. This time though, that consciousness was there straight from the beginning.

  33. A husband reports
    his conclusions at Day 91:

    I have just hit 91 days. that was 91 days with no fapping and no porn. my goal hasn’t been achieved yet, but my goal is to never masturbate or look at porn again. i don’t feel like i have reset yet but that doesn’t concern me. my relationship with my wife is tons better then it has been in the past couple of years. better on both a physical and emotional level. my obligatory endowment of wisdom on my 90 day completion is this:

    Understand where the superpowers come from.

    First of all they aren’t really super powers at all. it’s just you being a better version of yourself. second, understand that these super powers don’t come from nofap. sitting on your couch not touching your penis will not do much to change your life. what nofap does is lets us take all the time and energy we have been wasting on porn and masturbation and use it to better ourselves. we take the time and energy we get from abstaining from PMO and we use it to exercise. exercising teaches us discipline and improves our health and body image boosting our self esteem and making us more attractive.

    As we continue with nofap we learn that we can set and accomplish goals which further boosts our self esteem and we feel like we can actually gain some control over our lives. having control in one aspect of our lives gives us the desire to take back control in other aspects, whether that be with jobs or school or relationships we realize that we have the power to change our lives for the better.

    As we continue further with nofap the way we veiw women and sex starts to revert to ‘normal’ women are no longer simple boobs and a vagina for our use, but become complete actual people worthy of friendship and respect. if we allow ourselves to evolve beyond being total douche bags we start to change our desire for meaningless random sex to one of wanting a deeper relationship with an actual companion. someone we can trust and connect with on a deeper level then we have ever achieved before.

    We take all our new found time, and energy, and discipline and start to cultivate other interests in our lives. we take up hobbies like, playing the guitar, or working with wood, or computer programming. these new activities make us more interesting, someone who actually has something to add to a conversation and whom the opposite sex find appealing. the opposite sex also finds us more confident and less pervy, looking in their eyes instead of staring at their breasts. they like this and want to get to know us more. we become fully actualized human beings, no longer slave to our basest instincts, but masters of ourselves.

     

  34. If I do fap, I’m definitely laying down some guidelines

    I made it. 365 days without masturbating.

    And I almost completely forgot. Heh.

    If I do fap, I’m definitely laying down some guidelines. A lot of you will probably disagree with me on these, but that’s fine. These are just my personal opinion:

    1. Only fap at night/end of the day. Orgasm during the morning/day often makes you feel lethargic for the rest of the day and make you unmotivated/lazy. Fapping before bed once you’ve already got everything out of the way and can relax makes much more sense to me now.
    2. Reduce the amount of times you fap. 2-3 times a week tops. Multiple times a day is where it gets problematic and unhealthy.
    3. Restrict porn. This is a verrryyy hard one. The male brains loves nothing more than watching an absolutely gorgeous girl get fucked – I’ll be the first to admit it. I’ve fapped before without it as we all have, but as we know it’s a lot more boring not having that visual stimulation. We’re guys and we’re very visual creatures. If not cutting it out, at least reducing the explicitness of it. It’s a tough one and you have to be very careful as it could lead you back down the rabbit hole you spent so long climbing out of.
    4. Changing your mindset while watching porn. If you’re in a relationship (like me) it can be very easy to develop negative expectations on what sex should be like or what your girlfriend/boyfriend should act or look like. Girls in porn are almost always chosen based on their looks, a lot of them are downright gorgeous. It can be very easy to become dissatisfied with your significant other, whether it’s looks or performance based on what you see in porn. Remember porn is just a ‘fantasy’ as such, they get paid to have sex and get paid to look beautiful. It’s not just in porn either, it’s everywhere; advertising, movies, tv, the internet, reddit. Enjoy porn for what it is but never lose sight of your SO’s beauty or what made you fall in love with them in the first place. Keep your head in the real world.
    5. Become multi-orgasmic or learn to orgasm without ejaculation. Yes it’s possible – the ancient Chinese based a lot of their sexual theory/practices by making the male focus on abstaining from ejaculation. Step 1: more kegels!
    6. Never put masturbation ahead of sex. If you know you’re going to get laid in a day or two, then don’t fap for those days. You’ll be much hornier if you wait and more likely to excite the other person/have more passionate sex because of it. It’ll also be much more rewarding for you!

  35. Nofap and noporn changed the way i had sex.

    Nofap and noporn changed the way i had sex. 

    I had 3 sex times in my 65 days stretch, and from yesterday to next 10 i will have sex every day. Yesterday i felt almost like a virgin feel on his 1st sex it was so drastically passionate which i haven’t had in my 3 years of sex life and i ejaculated that i never had in my entire life is was pure Ecstasy and felt enlightened for a moment.

    Before i used to had sex like i am fucking a meat with whom i had to ejaculate, feeling of love and passion was missing.

    Tl;dr :- Passion and emotional development while having sex, more compassion pouring out for my GF more connected with her.

  36. Day 78. Proposed to my girlfriend.

    Day 78. Proposed to my girlfriend. Holy cow! She said yes! (self.NoFap)

    submitted  by fokerpace200079 days

    78 days ago, I was a shy guy. I was in a failing relationship. I didn’t know what to do. I started nofap to get my life back together. Now I feel great! I don’t feel gross all the time, or lazy…. Anyway, my girlfriend gave me a chance and here I am now! She said yes! Thank you nofap for giving me my future!

    -Sorry, I don’t have much to say….:)

  37. From another forum
    A guy wrote:

    As I was going to get my coat, there was a girl in my way so naturally I said “Excuse me,” and put my hand on her back to brush her aside. Her hair happened to be long, so I accidentally pawed a bit of her hair during my gesture.

    Wow.

    It just struck me. Her hair was so soft. It gnarled my fingers with gentle grasps like a newborn’s innocent hands. I have not been dazed like that from one touch in a long time, or might have been never until then.

    The thought is proposed: arousal might not just be from seeing cleavage or a tight ass or just thinking of banging. Arousal has so much more depth to it then that. The intimacy of just getting to know another person’s body goes so much farther outside of the usuals.

    Now, I’m looking at pictures of women online (not nude) and thinking: “If I could see her naked, it won’t have that same feeling of pleasant coolness that the presence and touch of a real women will give me.” I feel like when I get my next romantic relationship, I will experience it in a whole new light because of quitting.

     

  38. The Part We Forget

    The Part We Forget 

    by David_Coron80 days

    Last night, I went to a party. My friend threw up from excessive drink so I started rounding him and my other friend up to leave. As I was going to get my coat, there was a girl in my way so naturally I said “Excuse me,” and put my hand on her back to brush her aside. Her hair happened to be long, so I accidentally pawed a bit of her hair during my gesture.

    Wow.

    It just struck me. Her hair was so soft. It gnarled my fingers with gentle grasps like a newborn’s innocent hands. I have not been dazed like that from one touch in a long time, or might have been never until then.

    The thought is proposed: arousal might not just be from seeing cleavage or a tight ass or just thinking of banging. Arousal has so much more depth to it then that. The intimacy of just getting to know another person’s body goes so much farther outside of the usuals.

    Now, I’m looking at pictures of women online (not nude) and thinking: “If I could see her naked, it won’t have that same feeling of pleasant coolness that the presence and touch of a real women will give me.” I feel like when I get my next romantic relationship, I will experience it in a whole new light because of quitting.

  39. Always thought I had low sex drive until I started nofap

    Always thought I had low sex drive until I started nofap

    The reason I wasn’t actively seeking sexual partners wasn’t because I had low sex drive, I guess I just had low motivation to seek sexual partners. If I truly had low sex drive then I wouldn’t have been fapping every single day.

    I’m only 7 days in and I find myself messaging girls and actually attempting to hook up, the funny thing is that it’s so easy, not trying to brag, infact if anything the opposite, I’m actually okay looking, above average, athletic build, if I told my friends I was a virgin I guarantee they wouldn’t believe me, so I pretty much don’t have any excuse to be a virgin other than I am too lazy and unmotivated to attempt to lose it, also too shy and not enough confidence.

    My point is that I’ve already had girls offering to meet up with me for sex, but due to certain circumstances I’m not going to, or it’s unlikely I’m going to with the girls who are willing. One girl wants me to travel a fair distance, which I’m not willing to do purely for sex, and by a fair distance I mean like an hour on the train.

    Being horny tends to humble me, if I was fapping every day these girls I’m talking to wouldn’t be of any interest to me, even if they lived around the corner from my house.

  40. 40 days, and counting..

    40 days, and counting..

    First post on NoFap. This is the longest streak I’ve been on in a few years. It’s been rough, I’ll admit, especially the first few weeks. Occasionally I’ll spend too much time on Reddit and end up browsing /wtf, seeing all sorts of NSFW stuff, and occasionally the urge strikes. But I don’t do it. Why? Since I started, 40 days ago, in the time I would’ve wasted fapping and looking at porn, I’ve met like six or seven awesome ladies that might make it unnecessary to fap at all. My outlook has changed, and I’ve worked on being social and charming rather than, let’s face it, antisocial and sticky. So, thanks /nofap. You da man.

  41. sexually active for 6 years, but I never made love until now.

    A Month in- A Success that I Haven’t Heard Mentioned Yet

    by StolenCamaro26 days

    Well, technically it’s only 26 days, but I had a few days head start when I discovered this site… so it’s a month. ANYWAYS…

    I’ve been doing the PMO routine since my family first got a computer when I was 14, and I’ve been having sex off and on since I was 18. That said, I’ve never had a healthy sexual relationship. The ones I had that involved a close connection and strong feelings always seemed to lack truly passionate sex. However, with girls I didn’t care about, I could have much better sex- no anxiety, no ED, I’d even perform better. I think it was always in the back of mind, but only in the last year or so have I really admitted to myself that sex and intimacy were mutually exclusive things for me. I couldn’t make love with girls I loved, and that usually resulted in messy ends to what were otherwise meaningful relationships. It got to the point where I literally wanted a relationship that didn’t require sex- that was always my downfall.

    Right about the time I started doing nofap, I started seeing a new girl- the sweet, caring kind that I’d fall head over heels for. We’ve been taking things pretty slowly, but sexual things have started to happen, and I’ve already noticed a huge difference. When there is sex, it isn’t just a porn playing out for me in real life, it’s a passionate endeavor that FINALLY melds all of my affection with a physical connection. It feels completely different than any kind of sex I’ve had before this, and I’m absolutely astounded at the effects porn has had on me. I still have a long way to go with a lot of the other issues, but this huge leap has held incredible meaning for me, and I hope that anyone else who has made a dichotomy of love and sex will read this and have hope.

    TL;DR- I’ve been sexually active for 6 years, but I never made love until now. It seems to come about faster than a lot of the other benefits of nofap, and it makes me really optimistic about what’s to come.

    Thanks to everyone who posts in here, this really has been a life-changing thing for me, hopefully it works and does the same for everyone who partakes.

    [–]LactoseGalaxy121 days 

    Yes, this was my experience too. I think I was at 30 days too, when I posted about it.

    NoFap gets you to think about anything/everything other than those few seconds of ejaculation. The focus is no longer ejaculation – it’s experiencing something lovely with another human being, it’s sharing intimate feelings, and filling the void in someone else’s life.

    NoFap helped me see that sex is so much more than two bodies rubbing up against each other.

    [–]zoolionsobersup5 days

    I know this isn’t the case for everyone… some people are find with a “casual” variety of sex…. but I just wanted to jump in and both validate and extend your experience.

    You’re right. Sex is SOOOOOO much better (for me) when I’m really 100 per cent connected with my partner on all levels. And you know what? That’s the case even even in a sexual relationship that’s now lasted 15 years so far. I can confirm that it’s not just the “novelty” of a new partner that’s boosting your experience. It’s passion, it’s intimacy, it’s real connection and not just the shallow “live action porn” that I’m so guilty of formerly engaging in.

    The best to you and your new girl for much more completely gratifying sex to come!

     

  42. From another thread
    One of the craziest things I learned because of nofap was that, up until recently, I was a misogynist. I Effectively judged gils based on whether or not I thought they were attractive. Frankly, I’m ashamed of myself because of this. It was at the point where I was basically disregarding someone who tried to be a very good friend to me for a very long time purely because I wasn’t attracted to her. Don’t get me wrong, I was polite, but I wasn’t giving her the time or respect she deserved. This has been a pretty significant change in my life. Now, I treat women as people rather than potential sexual opportunities. Even if you’re not obvious, I think they know this. A massive thing for me.

  43. Achievement unlocked.

    The Great Porn Experiment * Official Version 2*

    Achievement unlocked, by spaghettilegs 

    When I was a young lad, I had terrible problems getting the girls, so I fapped, a lot. At some point it became an addiction, so much so that my first few real relationships weren’t as satisfying as they could be and had I not made this decision, I may never have known how big a problem it really was.

    When I met my wife, the sex was the best ever. No doubt in my mind.

    Shortly after we met, we had a month long vacation together and the sex was frantic and frequent and I would never believe it could be better than that.

    But I’ve reached a no-fap milestone.

    The last three days worth of sex have been out of this fucking world. Better then our first vacation by far. And I’m not certain how it works but she feels the same. We’re just feeling everything on a higher level and it’s beyond my wildest expectations for how this would go.

    I’m not saying I’m immune to the urges or that I’m all better.

    I was a fapbeast for a long time but now that I have reached this milestone, the yield from my decision so far is enough motivation to continue.

    It’s like the fap fog has been lifted and I can breathe the free air again.

    If things continue to improve, I may just die of pleasure.

    I hope everyone can experience similar success. Thought I’d share on the chance it may inspire.

    Stay strong brothers.

  44. Instincts Took Over; Unlocked an Unkown Tenderness
    Instincts Took Over; Unlocked an Unkown Tenderness

     by Yamochao14 days

    Snow-crusted Wisconsin golf course at 2 AM. We snuck out behind the caddy shack, and sat in a tree. She brought out her bubbler and we got bubbly.

    We’ve been friends since highschool; four years or so now. She dated my friends, but I was always too beta to try and pull anything.

    We’d get drunk, sleep in the same bed, tell secrets, nothing more. Always liked her plenty. Always thought about her, staring at the ceiling, excavating my vas deferens.

    I could tell her about anything. About the books I thought about writing, but never sat down to. I told her about NoFap. About my fears. About getting stabbed. About my short comings, about feeling emasculated.

    However, I never told her how I felt about her. I still haven’t. Last night, though, I showed her.

    The bowl was finished. She stood up and I stood up. And something happened that had never happened to me before: I communicated non-verbally.

    I didn’t even know I was doing it, but she returned my stare with a look I’ve never seen on her before. Her goofy smile dropped into shock. She looked as if I was about to attack her. I sort of was.

    I stared at her for thirty seconds maybe. It seemed like thirty minutes. Not a thought in my head.

    Then I reached out and stroked her face so naturally it was like a stage direction. The flow of the stroke moved seamlessly to the back of her neck as if I wasn’t the one doing it. I snagged a handful of her hair and pulled her in.

    After maybe twenty minutes of bliss, we walked around the golf course, snuggled, kissed some more. She said I’d changed somehow. I knew I had. We watched the sun come up and kissed goodbye to the tune of a waking world.

    I’ve had my share of empty hook ups in college now. Forced, unsatisfying, centered around the orgasm. This kind of tenderness is completely alien to me, and yet it felt hardwired; a natural part of myself I’d just never explored.

    Thank you NoFap. This has been a challenging fortnight, but it’s so, so worth it.

  45. Porn doesn’t turn me on anymore.

    Porn doesn’t turn me on anymore. 

     by ParaIlax130 days

    It’s been a full 130 days (Hard Mode [Well, extra hard mode kinda. I’m 17, waiting for marriage.]) I’ve noticed something lately. Around on reddit, I still tend to click on the NSFW posts. Even when it is porn, even when I do look at it for some time, it doesn’t turn me on anymore. It’s just disgusting now. I have the first girlfriend of my life (of a little over 2 months now) and porn just doesn’t compare to being with her. Even if we aren’t doing anything too sexual, porn just can’t stand a chance.

    To those who are still low on the badge, it gets easier. Trust me. Stay strong, brothers.

  46. Are pictures of your wife considered porn?

    Are pictures of your wife considered porn? 

    by Notsofap28 days

    Hello fellow Fapstronauts!

    Been 22 days since I quit PMO. I am finding it the hardest to break a decade old habit of watching porn. So far the results are fantastic. I appreciate my wife so much more now. The sex is much more satisfying and lasting.

    But I get these amazing cravings to look at porn. I have since deleted my collection and no longer visit the websites.

  47. From another forum
    One year of stops & starts – still experienced many benefits

    Feeling differently about women – this may be because I’m not pleasuring myself to female degradation anymore but at around the 1 week mark, if I risk relapse by fantasizing, it’s more about romantic situations and not the nasty stuff anymore. I want to feel a human soul connection more and want to slam a girls head into my crotch less….and as I’m not a psychopath, that’s a great change.

  48. First superpower attained

    First superpower attained 

    Today is day 3 nofap. One O from real sex 3 days ago, but in reality I am at like day 10 excluding that. I am starting to feel energy. Deep energy, not the fake redbull type, more like real bull as in a male cow with his balls attached. I was feeling pretty edgy because I was super excited by seeing my wife of 15 years in her thong and bra. I took this energy and converted in into a desire to go play in the snow with my kids and we did an Epic snow hike in the rugged terrain. Good day. I credit nofap.

  49. From another forum

    GUY 1) It’s amazing how porn has desensitized us. My extreme porn addiction started around 19. But between the ages of 14-19, I use to get erections nearly by all type of women, skinny, busty, average. Heck, once my teacher at school when I was 17 showed some cleavage and I had an erection for 2 hours and even old women sometimes turned me on. I have not been excited by a woman in real life since 19 and I am now 23. I hope I can get that feeling again, LINK

    GUY 2) Same here. Its hilarious the things I used to get turned on by. Average looking 40 year old women with nipples showing through their shirt, for example.

    Now, I could have my favorite type of girl butt-naked touching me and not get turned on. It’s so absurd all you can do is laugh.

    GUY 3) This. No porn does not lower standards, but the opposite way around. Watching (too much) porn increases your standard with as a results that no normal woman is good enough for you to make a move.

    GUY 4) Before reboot, a woman can be hot but one imperfect feature will be enough for you to dismiss her as being “not hot”. During reboot, I’m finding that a woman can have an imperfect feature but a nice ass/body/rack/smile/face/personality/etc. is enough to wipe the imperfection out.

    It’s definitely my favorite part of the reboot to go out and about and realize that the women are more attractive than before. Funny how not emptying your balls puts a layer of an unknown species of make up on a women’s face that causes them glow.

    GUY 5) Not watching porn brings you back to reality. None of us are perfect and all of us have physical faults. Going without porn makes us more accepting of all those imperfections and more content as people rather than chasing perfection that does not exist in the real world.

    GUY 6) So… it’s been my experience that the longer I go without porn, the more I find myself noticing women I wouldn’t have even considered before.

  50. From another forum
    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/15tg0z/ed_gone_after_12_days_girlfriend_is_real_again/

    I always was comfortable with women, kinda social, and a quite happy person, but my love story with porn was too old and too strong to let me be a ‘normal’ person. Daily masturbation, sometimes up to 5 times, multiple tabs, Edging for hours until my dick felt nonexistent and my brain burnt like crazy.

    Was I single? No! The girlfriend was always asking for sex, but I would fake orgasms just to get the real “rush” with porn when she’s gone. One time I had an O with her, was fully satisfied, but couldn’t resist PMO after she left the house like an a hour after. Then it happened: my girlfriend was like disappearing, in bed she would look like fog, my brain was full of other images, I’d be thinking about porn images while fucking, feeling foggy, sleepy, absent, like my girl was ten miles from me, so naturally, ED hit.

    Denial, didn’t want to stop my other love story, my longest affair ever! So I kept fantasizing while with her trying to get it hard, and my lovely girlfriend became barely another masturbation tool. I became sad, depressed, irritable, and felt I was living in a sort of bubble. The ED got worse, even fantasies weren’t enough, so I looked for a solution on the internet, and found YBOP!

    Decided to start the journey. Felt horny for 2 days than big flatline, I was sleeping all day, dead dick, etc. But I talked to my girl of the goal. After a week, my girlfriend started to look real again, she gave me massages which helps the resensitization. I thought I needed more days, weeks, even months. But yesterday we were on the couch watching a movie, and she started kissing me, I was hard, and I knew it was a different erection, an old erection, a healthy awake one, and guess what? We made love, without any ED, without any fantasies, and it felt like she was a new person I was discovering, even I felt like a new person. Sex was not foggy anymore, and even after O didn’t feel any sadness but plain healthy satisfaction.

  51. From another forum

    When I started avoiding PMO I finally succeeded in feeling emotions which I was not able to feel before and I became much more mentally connected to real sex because of that. Call it ‘rewiring,’ I don’t know, but the point is in my case I had never correctly wired before and now that I am I know I could masturbate 3 times a day for a week and still be able to have sex (definitely not advised).

    So for those of you who are young and never experienced real pleasurable sex before (so not necesserely virgins, I wasn’t), relax and don’t start being paranoid about the status of your penis during your reboot. Be confident and don’t PMO, if you manage to defeat PIED (porn-induced ED) at least once (and it will happen) then you will treasure emotions and sensations which will stay in you memory and will serve as a big weapon against PIED.

    That’s why some of your friends PMO and their problems are not as bad as yours, they are wired to real sex; you are not.

    Now sometimes I try to remember what I felt when I couldn’t have an erection, cause it would just seems so strange and unnatural now that I always get horny with my gf. The same will happen to you, you’ll see.

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=2743.msg42141#msg42141

  52. Military training = My longest NoFap streak… Why?

    Military training = My longest NoFap streak… Why? 

     by KingAmongPawns4 days

    I don’t think there is anything magical about the military, but it completely eliminated the two factors that I believe are the perfect storm for relapsing into PMO, or just MO.

    1) Free time 2) Privacy

    During my training, which was similar to boot camp, I never jerked off once, or even thought about it. Why? Because I never had ANY free time, and I was never alone. This might sound terrible in a way, but I actually loved the training. It was difficult, but I have never felt more productive in my entire life during those 31 days. When you’re productive and accomplish a lot, and don’t waste your time, your self esteem is really through the roof. I felt like superman throughout training. And even though I never really felt urges to jerk off, I did have a freaking intense attraction to the females around me. I remember thinking some of those girls were absolutely GORGEOUS, even though I only ever saw them in a military uniform that fit like a garbage bag and covered them completely from the neck down. I think I may have saw me some good wrist once… and I’m talking no makeup, waking up shitty at 4.30 am, and hair in that tight boring ass librarian military bun…. and they were giving me heart palpitations. No joke. I loved it. So much energy built up in side me, that I wasn’t releasing all over myself and my desktop… it was being harnessed for other things, and I felt much more alive.

    Moral of the story… most of us just cant sign up and ship off to the military, but do your best to eliminate the two most dangerous elements: free time, and being alone. Fill up your day with stuff to do. Schedule things with other people throughout the day, and NEVER turn down a spontaneous social opportunity, even though you think you have a lot of “studying” or “work” to be done. You know you are gonna blow a bunch of time once you sit down at your computer anyway. Don’t kid yourself.

    TL;DR Eliminate free time and privacy = guaranteed NoFap, also, even military women will look sexy as hell!

  53. Wow, benefits benefits benefits

    Wow, benefits benefits benefits 

    by yroj6 days

    Ok so I am currently on my 7th day of Nofap. Any way, So many girls have been talking to me, and sitting around me. I have a new confidence which lets me talk back to them which feels great. I have noticed girls looking at me a lot more.

    Before I started Nofap I was oblivious to this and thought they were not interested in me now I feel pretty much all of them are!

    I have so much more energy. Before I felt lethargic 24/7. I have exams coming up next week and I have been studying for them around 4 hours a day. Before Nofap I would have given it 20 minutes a day, lost concentration and given up.

    Every thing feels so much better. I haven’t actually had thought of masturbating since starting and I honestly don’t want to as every thing seems to be going so well. I just wanted to share my experience with you all to try and give you a bit of motivation. Stick with it! 🙂

  54. No fap for 6 months and it’s the bomb

    No fap for 6 months and it’s the bomb 

     by josh_jd

    Haven’t fapped for 6 months. And it’s the best, harder stronger and according to the love of my life it’s got bigger. Hope this will inspire people to stop fapping. Your sex life will get better over time.

    Doesn’t happen over night people. But it does happen. Had the times when I thought I’ll have a fap but I stayed strong and didn’t. Come on people. International no fap month. Lol

  55. Needing advice from Fapstronauts with spouses.

    Needing advice from Fapstronauts with spouses.

    After just one week of Pornfree and NoFap, my wife and I had two bouts of amazing sex. This was after months and months of ED. My wife knows about my NofAp and Pornfree challenge, and she knows I undertook it to improve our sex life.

    I’m frustrated and disappointed about last night, and I’m worried I might bottle this up in a negative way. Should I go ahead and fap, albeit without porn? Will continuing NoFap bring me into some sort of sexual Valhalla? Begging wifey for a quickie seems pathetic, or will she appreciate it? The look and her face last night seemed to suggest “Well, he’s back to the horny-all-the-time guy, and I’m the sexual gate-keeper again.”

  56. I’ve had some unexpected (good) results.

    Decided to experiment with /pornfree, and I’ve had some unexpected (good) results.

    by CounterKitten10 days

    It appears my initial intention to lurk has been ruined, as I’d like to share my personal experiment with quitting porn.

    It may be a little TL;DR, but here are some of the things I have experienced in the short time I have been participating.

    First off, I read a lot about the different withdrawal symptoms of quitting porn and they appear to be quite extensive. Surprisingly, I have felt none of these effects despite using internet porn every other day for 9 years (I am 24 now, you do the math). There are likely a few reasons for this, one that I attribute to be the largest is that I have decided to not feel guilty about my habit. I accept that it was an erroneous and destructive decision to use it, but feeling guilt about it will only make it harder. The second part that I believe has really helped is that I am sexually active, and that area has had its own array of effects.

    The details of my sexual activity is a story for another time and subreddit, but for the sake of the topic I will share that I am currently sexually active with a few women. In my encounters in the short time since I have stopped porn I have already noticed some differences. First and foremost is my interaction with the partner I am with.

    Even just being in the same room as them I have been feeling more emotionally engaged with them. When things start to get intimate my lust for them is on an entirely different level from before. As things progress, without getting too detailed, I can simply feel them better. It has been a much more pleasurable experience. The downside is that I have noticed a significant decrease in the time I last (previously I lasted forever), but I am guessing this will get better once it’s not such a shock to the system.

    I have also noticed some immediate benefits outside of sex. For a long time I have been dealing with several issues, including a severe lack of energy, lack of attention span, and what is sometimes referred to as brain fog. I have been medicated for this for a while and the medication has really helped me to be on a normalish level. After quitting porn it was same as usually for about a week, then after that I started feeling a euphoric amount of energy. It felt like I was suddenly in over drive. Since then my energy levels have been much higher, my focus is a little bit better, and more distinctively my mood is a lot better. I have also noticed a difference in how complete strangers react to me. I have always been used to some attention as I am a rather tall and athletic college student, but this past week I have noticeably been getting a lot more random people giving me the look. One day it was enough that one of my female friends commented on it. I have nothing else to attribute this to other than what quitting porn has changed in my mind, because I have literally changed nothing else in my life as of yet.

    Sorry for the huge post, I just felt like sharing my experience so far. TL;DR I didn’t feel many side effects, my sex life is a better, and it’s helped with some medicated issues. At this point I have no desire to go back to porn.

  57. Are you in a relationship and has NoFap impacted it?
    Are you in a relationship and has NoFap impacted it? A large national publication would like to interview you for a story they’re doing on NoFap. Interviewees can be anonymous.

    kk87

    Yes,it has. Had I not been involved to PMO I could probably have performed 3x better in bed,and maybe given my relationship a little more time to last. Needless to say, I would not be so moody and anxious. I can say that cuz even in my longest streak which was only 1 week, I could already feel that I started to feel like a different person. PS. What kind of contact info do you need? 
    the-fapstronaut

    Yes it has. After suffering from a bout of porn-induced ED, NoFap & YBoP have dramatically saved my relationship. There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a young man suffering ED with mass-anxieties and insecurities on both sides. It’s a catalyst for horrible fights and no one wants to be in a sexless relationship.

    NoFap quickly gets my libido & virility back. It only takes about 7 days to really notice the difference.

    utahlake

    My so has stated numerous times “there is something different about you” and “you seem more present”. I have not told her. I enjoy her company more and find her more attractive. Its a nice change. Wish I would have done this a long time ago but I didn’t know.

    neilapan
    NoFap has had a positive impact on my relationship with my SO. Before nofap, I wasn’t as sweet as I could have been, nor as caring as I wanted to be. Most of my focus throughout the day is on getting things done, which she understands even still. But after cutting out porn and masturbation, I find myself filling the void with something more meaningful. The 20 mins of of porn was just a temporary break from productivity, but my girlfriend is my peace of mind. She is gradually becoming my savior from stress, work, and life in general. I find myself thinking about her throughout the day, and when I get home I just want to cook her dinner and give her a massage. I am more horny, of course, but I am also more sensitive to her well-being.
    SlapYourFap
    Holy shit, yes.You can go through my comment history to read more about my experiences. Basically, NoFap has saved me from countless encounters with girls where I was unable to get it up or finished way too quickly. We are beings that are very much victims to routine, if you fap too often your body will assume that when it comes to sex, this is how it should react. Totally willing to do a phone interview or anything you might need, NoFap is a wonderful thing.   
    mostly_idiot
    My porn addiction affected my relationship to the point where it ended last month. I really wish I’d have known about nofap 4 years ago.
    Thevik

    It is the best thing that happened to my life, MP me.

    Goblin_Guts

    After giving up fapping, my drive, confidence, grades, outlook on life and success with women increased almost immediately. I’ve never looked back. I’m currently in a relationship with an amazing woman and life has never been better. I lurked NoFap for quite a while before I joined, but I feel as though my success can be shared with everyone here, because I wouldn’t have taken some of the actions that I have in the past year if it wasn’t for you guys and your insightful posts.

    ThePrankster

    I have been involved with nofap for 77 days. The accountability, community, and resources has helped me quit for longer then I ever have.

    My relationship with my wife has improved substantially. No longer do I feel guilty and I really feel free from the chains of my shame and my past.

    When we make love I so much more attracted to my wife. It is more enjoyable. I am able to love her and love what we are doing as opposed to being inside of my head. I am able to actually focus on her as opposed to what I want her to be in my head and I absolutely love it and her.

    ERRYDAYIMSTRUGGLING

    Yes! I have come a long way in my relationship since starting NoFap. The confidence built by keeping my hands off myself was the final boost that got me to ask my girlfriend out. It’s still a struggle, but I feel that I’ve taken steps through NoFap to reclaim my manhood and show her what she means to me.

    etcomro

    NoFap has improved my relationship immensely. I appreciate her more, I never stop finding her sexy, and I have found the qualities in her that I truly admire. Before NoFap, I would have a lot of sex with her and focus on that aspect of the relationship. In the past, this killed a lot of my relationships but this is by far the strongest relationship I’ve had in my young 27 years and I think I have NoFap to thank. I’m less cranky when I’m abstain from needless orgasm, which has cured many of our problem in an of itself. Furthermore, it has increased my productivity to the point where I feel like I can be my best self and provide for my SO in the way she deserves.

    rebuildingMyself {this account is no longer available]

    NoFap helped me push myself to enter my current relationship with my SO. She has a high libido and now that I’m free of PMO my libido matches hers. If I was still masturbating to porn I would most likely not be as interested in sex and would sexually frustrate her after the honeymoon novelty stage wore off.

    cwanda

    Yes, NoFap and NoPorn are big pluses in the relationship. My happiness level is higher, it feels more healthy, and it is easier to slip into intimacy. Like taking tums and aspirin every 2 hours – reduces friction. Irritants go away or one finds a “work-around” to get to the intimacy.

    It is a bit like giving up caffeine. The brain gets less numb. When actual intimacy happens, it has a more profound (memorable) impact.

    Keeping to a NoF and NoP regime feels like an act of kindness to the SO.

    It is voluntary, so an accomplishment, acknowledged by me in MyFitnessPal (give myself an extra 10 calories to play with).

    It is easier to be sociable and out-going to casual acquaintances when taking a NoF and NoP approach. The mind/emotions/feelings are more engaged and ready to take the first step to open dialog/friendly interaction. Easier not to be fresh and fun and not to be (or appear) creepy.

    It is a bit like getting exercise – it takes discipline and when the day has come and gone and one has managed to make it an NoF and NoP day, that is as important (from my perspective) as getting on the treadmill that day for 6 miles or so.

     

    buckdawg

    This is very thought provoking for me because there’s multiple factors in how I am in my current relationship contrasted to how I was in my previous.

    I’m a 40 year old divorcee who was kind of an asshole to my ex-wife. I was very selfish in my marriage. When she left I took a step back and assessed in what areas I could do better (there were a lot lol). A couple of things really stuck out.

    First, supposedly you are with the person you love with all your heart. It is never OK to say or do things that intentionally hurt and that you cannot ever take back. Rarely do the scars go away from such things. They accumulate over time and eventually will be your ruin.

    Second, remind your SO every goddamn day, multiple times, that you love them and point out to them the reasons why. It should be easy to do right?

    So there’s that side of the equation, how we handle our emoationally intimate relationships. Now for the physical side of things.

    I joined NoFap because of ED. I am an otherwise healthy adult male so my inabilty in the bedroom was very disconcerting. After 81 days I can say there is some improvement but not run-through-walls-alpha-male-hulk-smash type of stuff. Just that my bedroom performance has been getting better. I still have issues maintaining but it’s about 50/50 now as opposed to 5/95. Luckily my GF is very patient with me.

    What is different is that I feel like I’m more of a doting type. I polish her nails, give her massages, pay attention to the little things that she says and just try to make her life easier. What makes these things worthwhile is that she is very appreciative and I feel like we have a healthy relationship.

    How much of that is due to NoFap and how much is due to me trying to not be such an asshole? I can’t say for sure but it’s probably a little of both.

    My biggest takeaway from my NoFap experience is frankly, I don’t need it in my life. I don’t yearn for it, I don’t try and sneak a session in, it doesn’t have any power of me anymore. I don’t take a moral stand on porn but I feel my life is better without it.

    TL;DR Used to be an asshole, now maybe not so much. NoFap may have helped.

     

    RiseAboveIt

    I feel as though NoFap was one of the key factors of me actually getting the women I’m currently with now. The extra energy and positivity pooled into the rest of my life and I utilised it.

    m0rl3y 

    yes and yes, for the good. even got to the point of coming clean about all the skeletons in the closet.

    peppyyy

    100% yes. In short, struggled with PMO for 2/3 years, hadn’t had a girlfriend or anything close to, for a year and a half. Over the recent xmas period, on my longest run so far of (16 Days) finally plucked up the confidence to ask this girl who I finally connected with out, and the rest as they say is history. Have since relapsed, but am now stronger than ever (1 month!? Jeez)… additionally, it is not simply that I have replaced masturbation with sex as it is a long distance relationship and haven’t seen her in weeks. Thank you for everyone’s support on here 🙂

    spawngbawb 

    I am currently in a (sort of) long distance relationship and NoFap has made dealing with it 10x easier. When we first moved away from each other, I’d fap multiple times a day, as I needed that hit that my sex life could previously give me. It made being without her more agonising than it should have been, and after finding this sub, I realised that it was the source of my problems. Almost one month later and I’m doing fine 🙂

    lord_jimmie 

    Yes. I had never really enjoyed sex, it sort of felt like I was just getting it out of the way. Now, every time things start to heat up, I turn into some crazy sex monster. NoFap is the best

     amalehuman  

    Both positive and negative effects.

    Positive: While porn by itself does not arouse me anymore, my girlfriend turns me on more than before. She also seemed nicer to me the last time I saw her (about 9 days in). I asked her about it, and it’s probably a coincidence.

    Negative: I only see my girlfriend once a week, so I have to control my thoughts. Thinking about her more often does not help my own productivity when she is busy with her own work and not thinking about me…

     ustintsn

    NoFap was a big reason in how I managed to attract my girlfriend. All this energy caused me to break my unsocial self and reach out to others. It was there that I found an amazing girl and got her to be my girlfriend.

    At first the relationship had a lot of energy and spark. But as the months went by I and having relapsed multiple times, I notice a big decrease in energy. We’re still dating and having a wonderful time, but being on and off NoFap has had a big impact with my relationship.

    thewildwildwill

    I know this post is going to be long and I am sorry. I was in a relationship that ended after just under four years due to various reasons.

    I was single for just over a year. I started NoFap b/c I wanted something I could control in my life after being addicted to PMO for almost 7 years, this is what I decided to change. I didn’t really realize it until recently, but because of NoFap I was able to have a happy relationship for a few months without thinking much at all about my ex.

    Indicated by my counter, I have relapsed, but NoFap 2013 and strong. So although I was not in a relationship at the time of NoFap I think it definitely helped in not only getting over my ex, but also to gain the confidence to go out and really try to enter into new relationships. NoFap has helped in just about every aspect of my life.

    I’ll actually rewind at the reason I started NoFap for a moment. I found Reddit and stumbled on NoFap. Thought it was a good idea so I joined. Like I said, I had been addicted[still in the process- I say this because every day is a battle, PMO is just like every other addiction even if people outside NoFap choose not to acknowledge it] to PMO for about 7 years.

    I noticed it had really started to affect my concentration, desire, energy and schoolwork- currently at university, almost out! B/c of this, I needed a life change, like I said. I’ve read a lot of 90 day reports, and in all honesty, they’re pretty good, but one a lot of people I think mistake for a placebo is the “energy” people say they have once they start NoFap. Taking a part in NoFap does not magically give you more energy, desire, whatever over a course of a few days- its more like weeks to months when you really start to see the benefits of NoFap!

    But once you experience these benefits you never want to go back; to me that is one of the greatest secrets PMO addicts need to understand! Your life is better without Fapping and it is not “oh its better” type of thing! You feel better- in this I mean every aspect of your life feels more under control and everything just starts improving.

    And that’s were you notice the changes from NoFap- it’s not one or two days that start your recovery, it’s weeks and months where the true benefits of NoFap shine in your life, and Fapstronauts need to understand that!

    So if you’re on the fence about NoFap or have been relapsing, please please please try to commit yourself to get through, have friends you can talk to help you out and support you, go to the NoFap forum and read, pick up a hobby, but please try and gain the conviction to attempt NoFap. If you try NoFap and make it 30 days without any positive increases in your life, PM and i’ll personally take you through it!

    TL;DR: NO, read this. I hope I can inspire you to succeed and move on from PMO! Edit for grammar[there are probably more]

  58. A bit of humor
    Sudden realization while viewing porn (self.NoFap)

    Last night I watched porn on my phone as a way of getting around my k9 web protection here on my laptop, so I’m going to get rid of my smartphone for a while. Anyway I just wanted to share that it was rather a strange experience to watch porn after 14 days without it. I almost felt sad and pathetic rather than turned on.

    I was watching a scene and then it suddenly hit me “I’m sitting here , waiting for a man I don’t know to ejaculate on a woman I’ll never meet, just because that’s the only way I can get turned on anymore”.

    The guy was only semi-erect and was taking ages to ejaculate.

    All that went through my head is “damn he needs nofap. Looks like he’s got ED”.

  60. posts by our male nofappers have said they see women as humans

    For you strong nofappers. How has nofap effected your thought on sex?

    by ANGRYjooj6 days

    So basically to avoid relapse and the addiction you have to focus your attention away from porn, sexual images or anything to get you going. Nearly all the posts by our male nofappers have said they see women as humans now compared to sex toys they thought girls were before they started nofap.

    Now that makes me wonder. If you look at them as humans rather than a sex toy, do you still feel you want to jump from woman to woman (before you find your true one or not) or do you feel like you want to find that special one?

    I’ve never witnessed a female nofapper see men as sex toys, but I’d also like their opinion.

    tl;dr. Comparing the day you started nofap and today, what is your outlook on sex? Do you prefer multiple partners (not at once) or to find your one true love?

    GUY 1)

    Good morning! Coming up on 4 weeks now. I’ve had sex once during this stint and it was enjoyable. I think after starting noFap your expectations of sex become much more realistic. It’s not about finding some bimbo with out proportioned body parts screaming wildly or whatever you preferred. It comes down to finding someone who you share a lot in common with that enjoys sex as much as you do. But the key point is that they share a lot in common. You’re no longer looking for someone who ONLY looks physically appealing, but personality seriously comes into play and women DO notice the fact that you are appreciating them as such.

    GUY 2)

    doggystyle going down in value, LOT down.. more skin contact going up, way up.

    GUY 3)

    I can relate some late-game experiences I’ve had. I can say that my desire to fap has almost completely evaporated, though the excitement from seeing a girl in a bikini is intense, way more than before. I think I still objectify women as a reflex, to some extent. Maybe that’s just part of being a hot blooded male. Being near my wife also makes my heart race, and sex is better than it’s ever been my whole life, by a wide margin.

    So a short answer to your question would be: I’m very satisfied with one partner I’m in love with, and I can’t help but notice other girls. There’s no impulse to cheat.

    I can relate some late-game experiences I’ve had. I can say that my desire to fap has almost completely evaporated, though the excitement from seeing a girl in a bikini is intense, way more than before. I think I still objectify women as a reflex, to some extent. Maybe that’s just part of being a hot blooded male. Being near my wife also makes my heart race, and sex is better than it’s ever been my whole life, by a wide margin.

    So a short answer to your question would be: I’m very satisfied with one partner I’m in love with, and I can’t help but notice other girls. There’s no impulse to cheat.

    GUY 4)

    My outlook on sex honestly hasn’t changed too dramatically, in that I (personally) still see sex as something that I’m not going to be having anytime soon.

    However, I do find myself wanting to interact with women in a less hyper-sexualized manner. I’ve had conversations with girls that have given me more satisfaction than sitting in front of my computer, watching pixels bump uglies and hating myself.

     

  61. I smile more often and I’m nicer than usually…

    Turning into a wuss because of nofap? 

    by abjtxba46 days

    Hi Guys,

    I on day 46. I’m noticing some major behavioural changes in me. I’m getting back my sex drive and erection are getting stronger. HOWEVER I also noticed I much less aggressive and less masculine. This bothers me to be frank, because psychologically I’m feeling like a teenage boy (I’m 29!)… I now look at women with sort of interest, but not aggressive lust like I usually did, more in a romantic and kind of way, I smile more often and I’m nicer than usually… I can’t name this well, but something is changed and I don’t like the part of it that much…

    Additionally, I started dating this really nice and smart lady. we get along quite well… at least when we exchange text messages, when we meet I’m still intimidated, but she doesn’t seem to be bothered by this that much :)… but I fear that once we’ll be having sex (optimistically speaking!) my hormones are going to change my behavior yet again I would get more irritable, grumpy and aggressive and hard to put up with in general… From one hand I would prefer bein more rough (like I used to!), on the other hand I don’t want mess up things with her…

    So the question for longtimers do you get that as well? What do you think about it?

    I work out daily for about 15minutes. (pushups, lifting dumbbells). In theory this should help to increase testosterone levels to required degree.

  62. the rush I got from porn is no longer there.

    It’s been about 50 days since I’ve last been here. Nothing life altering, but I still have something to say 

    by Cygnus_X153 days

    I used to fap almost daily. Discovered nofap and managed to eventually reduce that to a week or two. Now I’m at over a month and I must admit, it hasn’t changed my self confidence. I never had confidence issues, but I have never been able to walk like an alpha male either (but I have no problems talking to anyone either).

    There is only one thing that has changed: expectations. When I’m in bed with my beloved the need to get the rush I got from porn is no longer there. I’ve realized it’s all an act, faker than a Rolex made in Hong Kong. I get a totally different feeling and it’s so much better. Instead of sex being a work towards climax it’s become a show of affection and it really feels like I’m with her. It’s great. I’m so glad I found this subreddit. I haven’t had the urge since (although I do have her as an outlet…and she has quite the appetite).

    Remember: what works for some may not work for others. I had 6 months of resetting the counter to wean me off fapping. Just because it’s easy for someone to go cold turkey doesn’t mean it will work for you. Set goals and work towards them. You’ll get it eventually.

  63. Breakthrough; Arousal and noticing women.

    Breakthrough; Arousal and noticing women.

    In literally the last few days, my brain has suddenly decided to allow me to notice beautiful/sexy women. I’ve gone from being nonplussed and unaware to like MAJOR RADAR and just totally appreciative of the different elements that make a woman sexy and attractive, I feel a little obsessed (but in a good way) and I’m enjoying it.

    Also today I was flirting a lot with a girl in a shop and especially when we made lasting eye contacts at certain points, I was getting random semi-ons so I’m making really good progress and more importantly it’s becoming measurable. I think we guys get put out when even after a long period of abstinence there are no landmarks to show for our efforts. The point is you have to stick it out for the long-term to benefit from the positive results, which (from my last noPMO experience, which lasted around 12 weeks) start to snowball after you begin noticing erections improve, improve and improve.

    Anyone similar experiences, noticing women a lot more?

    REPLY

    The most common path people seem to have is Hyper-Arousal –> Flatline –> Natural Arousal, where the final end is a natural, healthy attraction/drive towards women that didn’t exist at the beginning. Now there are quite a few variations on this, but congrats on getting out of the flatline.

  64. Another guy

    When I was PMOing, I was such a cold person, especially when it came to showing others love and returning affections. I had a habit of pushing people who were close to me away and keeping everyone, even my closest friends, at an arms length.

     Now that I’m on a different path, I’ve noticed that the longer I go without porn the more I’m beginning to crave love and intimacy. I just can’t believe I let myself live in this cold and lonely reality for almost 10 years…

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=6517.msg100868#msg100868

  65. 11 Days in, great sex with

    11 Days in, great sex with wife 

    by Joshgeneral12 days

    So, last night my wife and I were watching some Parks and Recreation on Netflix, and having some time-in-contact with each other. She let me know how nice it was for me to have placed my arm on her leg. One thing led to another…

    So later we were in the bedroom, and I wasn’t getting a boner right away. In fact, when it did happen, it wasn’t the most impressive one, or the most sensitive, BUT I did last a long time.

    As a result of my lasting, I took it slow and my wife really enjoyed it. She told me. I was less worried about getting off and more concerned with enjoying myself and her enjoying herself. That may seem like a little thing, but it was a really nice sign for me.

    I don’t think I’ve gone long enough to have the significant physical changes people talk about, ie raging boners, etc. However, there were some definite improvements in the intimacy of our time last night. Thanks NoFap.

  66. more clear in my head and more love towards my SO.

    90 days… And I feel, why stop here? 

    by mik4el90 days

    Thx r/NoFap for being here to support my journey. I think that every male of our generation needs some perspective of what porn does to your brain. To gain that perspective has been eyeopening. I feel more clear in my head and more love towards my SO. I see no reason to stop at 90 days. However I can’t say that I’ve felt the “superpowers” described in other fapstronauts stories only increased mindfulness, more love to my SO and happiness in general. That alone is enough for me to motivate a life with no or little porn.

  67. Thank you, NoFap – Sincerely, satisfied girlfriend

    Thank you, NoFap -Sincerely, satisfied girlfriend 

     by theothergirlonreddit

    As a female, I’ve never liked the idea of my boyfriend watching porn, but I figured it’s just something I have to accept. He actually didn’t watch it as much as other men, and to a degree, I could tell, but he still did on a semi-regular basis.

    About four week ago, he told me about this subreddit and that he wasn’t going to watch porn anymore or masturbate. I told him that’s wonderful, but if you can’t or don’t, don’t feel bad (I’m still here for you!).

    Well, it’s been 21 days and let me tell you, the sex is AMAZING. He has grown very confident and sexy. I call him my secret Alpha Male. Before, I would say I had a higher sex drive than him. Now, he is like an animal. Foreplay is amazing. He did my favorite role play last night. He gets turned on and loves turning me on. I’ve never had so much attention! He’s even gotten a bit more outgoing.

    We’ve had sex nearly every night and he’s gotten much more creative with it. This was his decision – I didn’t pressure him into it. The thing is… I notice more girls checking him out! Just makes me proud to be with him. He pays more attention to me. He’s kept me updated willingly because he seems quite proud of his accomplishment.

    So, thank you Fapstronaunts for the best sex of my life.

  68. Porn is the sexual hunger

    Porn is the sexual hunger that you cannot get full from (Status Update)

    Fappy is right. Porn and sex drive have almost nothing to do with one another biologically or psychologically. Behaviorally, though, they do, and lots of guys report bringing porn fantasies into the bedroom, where things rarely go as planned. Women don’t expect men to be able to run through land mines, stacking bad guys like cordwood, but men seem to want their wives to be like the scripted, cartoonish video on the computer.
     
    As you point out, of course, we really don’t. I’m doing this for a lot of reasons, but the main one is that my wife deserves better. I’ve never attempted to bring porn fantasy into the bedroom, but I do find that my desire for my wife – no, more than that, my appreciation of how sexy she is and how attractive she is to me, has skyrocketed since I got serious about making her the only object of my attention. Doesn’t she deserve that? She does indeed, but so do I. It’s wonderful.

  69. At Day 39, first “Super Power”

    At Day 39, first “Super Power” 

    by audiomodder40 days

    Hey guys and gals,

    I’ve been going without PM for 40 days now (married, so orgasm is still on 🙂 ). Thought I would l share that Friday night I had what I think you guys might consider a super power. I also thought I’d share a bit of backstory too.

    So for starters, I started with regular PMO around the age of 12, but my first exposure was around the age of 10. That is a story for a beer, in person, so I won’t get into that. Anyways, I started getting really deep into it, and by 15 or so it was everyday, by 18 it was multiple times every day. Fast forward, I’m 31 now, and finally decided that I was done with it. I’ve seen things that no human should see, and experienced stuff that’s more messed up sexually than any person should experience. It wasn’t as bad as it had been in the past, but I got the point where every time i looked at porn I felt like I was cheating on my wife. At that point, I decided that I was done. I let my wife know what was going on (she knows she married damaged goods, she’s been really supportive through the whole thing). She’s been behind me from day one.

    So Friday my wife and I made love and I had, for the first time, an “OH MY GOD” orgasm. Won’t go into details, but I’ve never had an orgasm that was intense to the point of screaming and shallow breath…until Friday. If this is what nofap brings, holy shit is it worth it! I’m sold, not quitting nofap until the day I die.

    Hope this is encouraging to you guys. IT. IS. WORTH IT.

  70. positive effects through more intense lovemaking with my wife.

    30 day report (self.pornfree)

    by EB723731 days

    So it was 30 days ago that I last looked at porn. I’ve been going nofap for 27 days. This part of life has improved. But there have been challenges. It’s definitely worth it.

    I’m a 38M, married 10 years. Fapping for 24 years, really into internet porn since 1997. Have tried many times to quit, but never have had a streak this long.

    I’m noticing the positive effects through more intense lovemaking with my wife. And I definitely feel more testosterone, so I feel more confident, and I seem to get more attention and looks from women (at sporting events, waitresses at restaurants, etc.) But I am trying to “purify” myself by not looking lustfully at women other than my wife. So that’s a challenge!

    Biggest satisfaction is in not wasting as much time surfing for porn and jerking off. I’ve taken up Calligraphy as a hobby (don’t laugh — it’s very calming!) and spend more time reading, etc.

    So if you’re new to /r/pornfree or /r/ nofap, and are wondering whether there will be positive results — know that there will be. You’ll feel better about yourself just for having some self-mastery. Good luck, brothers!

  71. it’s not because the girls are not pretty enough. It’s my issue

    WOW, I had no idea of the effects I was going to get, only 22 days with nofap! (self.NoFap)

     by Kazum0

    I have not been on a date for one and a half year. When I come to think of it, that date was after a vacation with no porn for a couple weeks. So, I’ve been watching porn like every day since i was 14. I’ve hooked up with many different girls where I have lost interest. But just now I realised that it’s not because the girls are not pretty enough. It’s my issue, that I finally am getting rid of.

    Yesterday, I had this lovely girl over at my house. I met her on saturday and usually, like I’ve been doing for the last years I simply loose interest in the girl the day after I meet her. But now I felt attracted to her and wanted to ask her out. Not only that, but I just feel calm and confident about myself doing it. So far, only 22 days and I’ve gotten these results..

    I do not only feel that my confidence has been getting better, but I just feel more happy about myself in some kind of way. I was actually laughing to my self when I was walking home from the store today, just because I realised the changes, and actually why I’ve had problems with girls for all these years.

  72. I want my wife more than ever. I now have an undeniable sex driv

    200 days coming up…

    by Betterdad199 days

    I now have an undeniable sex drive.

    I want my wife more than ever. If a long time passes without sex, I feel this thing called ‘sexual tension’ which is apparently a real thing!

    For you single guys… If you make it this far, you will definitely gain confidence to interact with women. You will notice things you never noticed before. Hair tossing, quick glances, breathing patterns, body language… It is a different world and let me tell you… When you get to this point, you really won’t care about whatever super specific porno fetishes you thought were the only thing you could get off to, because just the word WOMAN (or man or whatever) will make you feel urges.

    In a way, this has been like being a stereotypical teenager for the first time. My wife has commented about how awkwardly I’ve been hitting on her. And I’ve been hitting on her a lot. And it has been really, really good when it works… Like, screaming, whole body orgasms. 6, 8, 10 powerful ejaculations with whole body convulsions. You will never get that from Rosy Palms. The most I ever got with pmo was maybe one medium spurt and then a couple of almost painful dribbles. There is a lot to be said about not being the one who is doing the stimulating, since your brain kinda goes haywire when you do come. Having someone else stimulate you… Or getting off from intercourse… Wow, it’s just so different and you really, truly have to abstain from PMO to get to that point.

    Life is good.

    GUY 2

    thekefentse62 days

    That’s just about all the evidence I need to keep going. It’s only been 62 days for me and I too have started to notice ** a lot of things** such as the glances, hair tossing, and the body language. Keep at it and keep at her.

    GUY 3

    abjtxba34 days

    I think that the fact a man is still hitting on his wife is a sign of very good relationship between the two and for this reason alone it is worth to do nofap for men and women in relationships. Their is no worse thing in relationship than indifference and taking things for granted.

    I think In my previous relationship I got it wrong (I did fap back then). I was so used to having sex that when my gf didn’t want it I got angry and offended. Right now I’m embracing this feeling and even wait for it as it makes me treat my new gf in a very special way.

    GUY 4

    Amen to this, brother!

    I’m finally there too. Wired only to real sexual partners. It feels truly satisfying. Not unlike a second adolesence, as you mention. PMO is such a poor subsitute for the real thing!

  73. Its the little victories

    Its the little victories
    So I’ve been rebooting since January. I have  girlfriend who knows nothing of my struggle. I use cialas to have sex and I wake up with intermittent morning wood. Been in and out of flatline a few times. The two most stark improvements I’ve noticed thus far is:
     
    #1 I have a lot more energy and clarity of thought.
     
    #2 and probably most important, my orgasms are becoming stronger and stronger.
     
    I used to almost have to fake that they felt good because really, there’s was little reward. But since I started nofap and I’m not constantly putting the death grip on my junk, my head has become much more sensitive. I don’t have to “fake” it anymore, I actually, sincerely say “oh my god”when I’m cumming now. It feels great!!Keep at it men, there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

  74. “I used to be a man-whore”

    In the past, I had your typical early-20’s man mind of sex. Any opportunity that opened up, I’d jump on it. After a girlfriend of a year, and then a break up (about 2 months ago), I’ve been going crazy. 17 days ago, I found this subreddit. Who would have known I would be motivated to do this just from a website?!

    Well anyways, I’ll make this fast. A girl came over Friday night and wound up spending the night because she had work at 5am and I lived much closer to her job. We cuddled, and flirted. She actually tried to make a move and it was almost IMPOSSIBLE to stop her. However, in my head, I thought, “wait, you’re not dating this girl…you’re not even that interested…don’t do it…” so I had to figure a way to calm both of us down. You may think that this was a dumb idea (because trust me, I’m going through hell right now with NoFap).

    But I’ve come to realize that I want to experience the feeling with a girl that I have a feeling for, and she does me. I had a million thoughts in my head that night shooting back and forth of screaming at myself, but being proud.

    The next morning, we woke up and she looked at me and said, “Thank you so much for last night.” She was thanking me for stopping us. She said that if we would have continued, she would be kind of upset with herself for the same reason(s).

    So, thanks to NoFap, as weird as this sounds. I’m able to actually STOP myself from having unnecessary sex. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1eouvh/i_used_to_be_a_man_whore/

  75. Seeing women as individuals

    The first thing i did was to go on a dating moratorium. No dates, no flirting, no real desire to see women in a sexual way.

    It did the world of good. Although I had always been good with girls, my success was now going through the roof. i guess it was a combination of my not trying actually coming across as more genuine and relaxed. I was getting dates, but more importantly, I was enjoying the interactions more, getting to know people as individuals, not just people I wanted to sleep with. None of  them turned into intimacy, but I was ending it with girls I didn’t like and lost my outcome dependency.

    Then, last Saturday, I was intimate with a girl for the first time since 8 months ago. It was incredible. I got wood effortlessly and I was able to enjoy and delve into the physical sensations rather than have to visualise. I was totally in the situation, it felt like it should do and when I O’d, I thought I’d gone to heaven. I would rather have 1 of them than 100 PMOs.

    Age 27 ED, 8 months

  76. Women no longer sexual objects – sex relaxed

    I’ve always had issues with viewing women as purely sexual objects, and that has been helped enormously. It’s much easier to deal with the gender you’re attracted to when you’re not trying to shove sexual thoughts about them aside when dealing with them. Those thoughts aren’t gone, but they’re definitely less insistent and more easily dismissed.

    There’s also a kind of subtle thing that porn does to your mind that I had heard but never really “knew” until doing nofap. I was, subconsciously, defining myself as a man by how well I “pleasured” my wife. It moved sex from a beautiful, mutual expression of love to a task that established my status as a man. Moving away from that has been a WONDERFUL experience.

    90 days – married

  77. Porn will rob you of your sexuality.

    Porn will rob you of your sexuality. 

     by Winslowa12153 days

    Before I started nofap I had a few girlfriends. They were all women that I was genuinely interested in but I had one unusual problem. I never wanted to have sex with them. I was a virgin at the time and all of my friends were telling me I had to loose it, but I just didn’t want to. I even dumped one of my girlfriends because she wanted to have sex with me. In my eyes that was a sign that she was more invested in the relationship than I was.

    I didn’t really have any of this in mind when I started nofap but it hindsight there is a definite link. A few months into my first streak (right around 90 days actually) I started hooking up with a new girl. From the very first time we kissed I could tell I was attracted enough to her to go all the way. I had never really felt that way before. It was incredible. This new level of attraction is yet to fade.

    It’s my theory that porn programmed my brain to be attracted to 2D pornstars rather than real women. Sexuality and romance were completely unrelated concepts in my mind. I could never be romantic with a pornstar and I could never be sexual with a real woman. It made sense at the time.

    Now that I have been doing nofap for close to a year my outlook has changed quite a bit. I don’t have romantic or sexual feelings about pornstars and I have both romantic and sexual feelings for my girlfriend.

    It’s truly an amazing feeling and I’m grateful for it every day. If you’re ever questioning whether or not nofap is worth it, trust me, it’s worth it.

  78. Porn will rob you of your sexuality.

    “Before I started nofap I had a few girlfriends. They were all women that I was genuinely interested in but I had one unusual problem. I never wanted to have sex with them. I was a virgin at the time and all of my friends were telling me I had to loose it, but I just didn’t want to. I even dumped one of my girlfriends because she wanted to have sex with me. In my eyes that was a sign that she was more invested in the relationship than I was.

    I didn’t really have any of this in mind when I started nofap but it hindsight there is a definite link. A few months into my first streak (right around 90 days actually) I started hooking up with a new girl. From the very first time we kissed I could tell I was attracted enough to her to go all the way. I had never really felt that way before. It was incredible. This new level of attraction is yet to fade.

    It’s my theory that porn programmed my brain to be attracted to 2D pornstars rather than real women. Sexuality and romance were completely unrelated concepts in my mind. I could never be romantic with a pornstar and I could never be sexual with a real woman. It made sense at the time.

    Now that I have been doing nofap for close to a year my outlook has changed quite a bit. I don’t have romantic or sexual feelings about pornstars and I have both romantic and sexual feelings for my girlfriend.

    It’s truly an amazing feeling and I’m grateful for it every day. If you’re ever questioning whether or not nofap is worth it, trust me, it’s worth it.”

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1gor2k/porn_will_rob_you_of_your_sexuality/

  79. Endless Enthusiasm for Life

    ENTHUSIASM: I believe that my energy levels are correlated with an overall positive outlook on life. I am no longer chronically depressed, anxious, or tired. I am genuinely interested in everyone around me. This enthusiasm may be contagious as I have never seem my parents so eager to seek out my help with their businesses. My appreciation for women is also changing/growing. Not only am I finding a larger variety of women more attractive, but I am sexually objectifying them much less and find myself wanting to LEARN about the women I meet. 

    VIBE: This one is a bit difficult to articulate but let’s just say, I feel much more charming and maybe even sexual. My wits are quicker, women are smiling/talking more, and I’ve had 2 attempted hook ups. However, I want to do this right, and one month is not nearly enough to recover from 18 years of PMO. The longer and more intense my recovery/rewiring, the better.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1go20q/endless_enthusiasm_for_life_bizarre_dreams_the/

  80. Treating women differently

    For me, I’ve always been a friendly guy, and this challenge just made me more sociable, funny, and flirty if I felt the vibe. In general though, you realize its more that you start treating women as people, listening to them and responding not as a guy out for something but as a person who is genuinely interested in them and what they have to say. So bear in mind, yes its ok to want to get with a woman, but you should more just focus on developing yourself as a person and how you relate to everyone around you. Then you’ll find that everyone, both men and women, will be attracted to you, and things will fall in place. For me, I wasn’t looking for anything during this time (hardcore mode), but I did sense women were much more attracted to me, and in the end that hardcore mode was broken by frequent sexual encounters with a close friend starting around day 75.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1gp5oj/88_day_report/

  81. Can’t get enough of my wife
    ..this is what I have noticed thus far:

    1) My poor wife. I can’t get enough of her! My wife would initiate sex and I would turn her down by making up some stupid excuse only to end up fapping later on. Since NoFap, the very thought of rolling in the sheets with her has me ready to go in seconds. This morning, she actually turned me down because she was worn out. It’s usually not a good thing getting turned down for sex but, in this case, it’s something to brag about.

    2) Side boob is just side boob and it’s oh-so beautiful! It used to be then when I would notice a random hot chick on the street I would immediately undress her in my head and place her in a random porn scene doing nasty shit. Now, I sit back and just admire the side boob for what it is. A nice ass is just a nice ass. A great rack is just a fucking great rack. Random girls on the street are no longer my imaginary 30 second porn stars.

    3) I swear a simple breeze gets me hard now. I used to have to browse gigs and gigs of porn to even to get it to move. Now, the mere thought of side boob (see number 2) is all it takes to get my soldier to stand at attention.

    4) I look forward to sex again. Remember being 18 and looking forward to making it to your gf’s house before her parents got home? I no doubt spent thousands of dollars on cab rides until I got my car because waiting for a fucking bus would just not do. Well it’s like that for me again. I can’t wait to finish work just to get home and rip off my wife’s clothes. I never used to speed. I can’t stay below 100Km/H anymore, my fuel economy is going down the shitter because I look forward to getting laid again!

    Thanks NoFap. You have saved me from future Viagra prescriptions and no doubt have saved my marriage in the long term.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1gpp1j/success_story_after_nearly_40_days_of_nofap/

  82. 4-month report

    Tommorrow I will hit four months. Here are new changes I’ve seen in myself recently.

    1. It’s like I have new senses. Instead of seeing a sexual reduction of the world, it’s like I”m seeing the real one for the first time. My interaction with women has changed the most. I see new levels to their personalities.
    2. I can talk to anyone. Seriously, I can’t believe I used to live a life of some social anxiety. I can, and do, start conversations with anyone.
    3. My wife has shown up in my dreams! I used to have dreams about other women, porn stars, etc. and wake up feeling pretty bad about myself. Now my wife is in my dreams exclusively and we go on all these sweet adventures. Pretty awesome, gotta say. She is literally my dream girl.

    Nofap… it just works. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1h6lu5/4_months_3_new_developments/

  83. And she said it was the best sex we had ever had.

    After doing noFap on “hard” mode for three weeks, I got to spend a weekend with my girlfriend…. 

     by killforjoy 21 days

    And she said it was the best sex we had ever had. According to her, “there was a passion that had been lost for a while. You tried to replace with it aggression, thinking it was the same but it’s not.” NoFap has been quite a journey and though I am far from done, I’m glad this community exists to share inspiring and sometimes heartbreaking stories with.

    Also, she claims I smelled different. I’m wondering if that is possibly the pheremones? I had read a couple of posts in here about how not fapping with create pheremones that are more attractive to women and will make them more receptive to sexual invite, whereas fapping will create a scent that lets them know you are not interested and pushes them away. I don’t know..maybe it’s just me. But anyways, so glad I started this! Keep it classy fellow Fapstranauts!

  84. NoFap makes women more beautiful!
    NoFap makes women more beautiful! But . . . 

    … beautiful in a much deeper meaning. I see more clearly who women are. They are so much more beautiful if you think of them more than just something you want to have sex with. Look at their faces and the wonderful way they communicate with you in so many non-verbal ways. Women light up all of my senses. They are experts in communication I have lacked in so much of my shy and anxious life. Porn perverts so much more about how truly wonderful and beautiful women are.

    Look at the beautiful women, talk and laugh with them, understand who they are. When you know how beautiful they are, you will find one you can’t live without. When you have your one, marry her, and never let her go. Tell her how much you love her every day.

    I have my one, and we have made three, beautiful daughters that I hope find men that love them for who they are. Women are more beautiful these days for me, but my wife the most gorgeous women I have ever seen . She lights my life in so many ways, and I can’t wait to get home to see her. Porn only disappoints, while my wife keeps expanding my desires to levels I didn’t know I had a month ago. Not only sexually, but desires in other ways I can’t describe in words.

  85. I am INSANELY PROUD of my husband!

    I am INSANELY PROUD of my husband!

    by kellzbellz555

    And all of you for doing this!!

    Its been an amazing journey (almost 50 days!!) filled with revelations, brutal honesty, tears, pain, joy and relief. We’re stronger than we ever were, now that there are only 2 of us in our bed!

    I just wanted to say, ROCK ON Fapstronauts! You are a cut above the crowd. You’re on another level of manhood! You’re the future of masculinity and I really hope that the philosophy of No Fap spreads to all corners of the world so relationships can be healed, men can be men again and women can bask in the attention, love and unpolluted sexual desire of their husbands/boyfriends.

    (oops! Dont want to forget the femstronauts! Rock on girls!!)

    chrispy_bacon26 days

    How would you say things have improved for you and your husband?

    [–]kellzbellz555[S]

    Firstly, he’s HAPPIER! I never knew why he was such a grumpy ass so often! He’s being open and honest about the porn and fap problem FINALLY. He’s inexplicably more attractive to me. He’s taking better care of his appearance now which is nice! He shaves every other day because he CARES how he appears not only to me but to others. He’s proud of himself which I LOVE.

    Sex is a lot lot better and I no longer view it as just one more chore, one more piece someone’s gotta take out of me, its something I want to engage in whenever we get the chance, where as before I was just kinda like, “meh…ok.” I just didnt feel like doing it…I never turned him down, I was just totally uninspired to make love. Now he chases me and I chase him, he’s playful and fun, he’s sincere and I just really admire what he’s going thru not only to save our marriage, but to better himself! Thats HOT!

    We’re closer, thats the bottom line. We’ve been dealing with the fights and the wall that I put between us (because of porn) for 12 solid years. Catching him, weeks of cold silence interspersed with arguing, the (soon to be broken) promises, than finally on to a shaky, insecure forgiveness,and then on to my pretending it wasnt happening just to stay sane (cognitive dissonance anyone?) its really NO WAY to get thru life and NO WAY to have a happy marriage.

    I feel better knowing he’s got this whole thing on an intellectual and emotional level FINALLY and I’m beginning to trust him again. Mostly, he just feels better for all the obvious reasons (no fap benefits!). We’re just…BETTER! lol

    I know the battle isn’t over but the difference this time is he’s actually letting me fight it with him. I am a part of his recovery and so are all of YOU! THANK YOU NO FAP!!

    [–]kellzbellz555[S]

    I wanted to add, we had a date night last night. His mom came over, watched the kids and we went over to her house (his old house) and made love many times in his old bedroom lol, we talked and laughed and had some drinks and it was like our relationship when it was brand new lol. It was fucking amazing. 😀 It was such a huge treat to have a room and a bed to ourselves with no kids interrupting and time to be a couple!

  86. Made my wife cry

    Made my wife cry

    by eliazar007

    I Had a great day! Made love to my wife and after wards told her i have not masturbated for almost a month. She was happy. Went shopping and i think the sexual energy/chaser was in full effect…i have never seen so many beautiful women. Got home and i had to do something with the energy so i went to the gym i love the gym even more since nofap. I can look people in the eye and when i work out i feel like da BEAST.

    Got home and made some salmon and while i was waiting for it to cool o thought i wanted to do something nice for my wife. So i got the baby oil and gave her a foot massage. She started to cry but i think they were happy tears. Whether it is physiological or psychological don’t matter to me. Nofap is changing my life and i am loving it. Feels good to feel like a real man… i dont remember ever feeling this way before….kewl

  87. Porn has ruined my appreciation of regular female beauty – but

    Porn has ruined my appreciation of regular female beauty.  Its a shame really.  Now that I’m on this girls look more and more beautiful every day!  Your desire to look at just tits and a** will go away (not completely we ARE guys haha!)  but you’ll appreciate everything else that porn doesn’t super size 1000% more.  You’ll also want to look at girls where it counts- the eyes while you ask them out!

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=11413.0

     

  88. More rational standards-
     For the sake of humility, I’ll just say that I’m an above-average looking guy. Before YBOP, my standards were outrageous. I would turn down 2-3 willing and  attractive women a week because they didn’t match my pornstar criteria. Eventually, the only women I was sleeping with were dancers, strippers, and nymphos  with big tits, asses, and daddy issues. Even then, I would need pills to maintain an erection. Now, I develop actual relationships with women I wouldn’t mind  bringing home to mom and dad.

    Age 25 – ED cured. No more depression, anxiety, lethargy. More focus & drive

  89. My craving now is for REAL women and REAL sex.

    1. You need to find something to do I can not stress this enough, you need to occupy your mind.  Learn a new language, read books, play video games, start going to the gym, take up an instrument find something to do.  For me it was getting back in school to complete my degree.  That was an excellent way for me to keep myself focused. 

    2. Right now I have ZERO porn cravings .  My craving now is for REAL women and REAL sex.

    3. To put it simply sex now is AMAZING!!
    The feeling is many times more intense than it was before my reboot when I was struggling to get an erection.  When I orgasm now the sensation is a lot more intense and the dopamine rush feels grrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeat!!!

    The best way to say it is, this is like kicking a drug habit.  Your mind is going to play tricks on you like.

    I’ll just look at one picture, I’ll just watch 5min of porn a day, I’ll just edge and not orgasm, I’ll just watch porn and not masturbate etc………

    The last porn scene I watched and masturbated to before I said enough is enough was burned in my mind.  I thought it would never go away whenever it entered my mind I found something to do to distract myself.  Over time it faded away to just a blur.

    http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Mens-Health/Too-much-porn-masturbation-cause-ED/show/183203?camp=watch_list

  90. Real sex vs. porn
    So a french girl has been living with my family in the U.S., and during this time we got to know each other really well. We have been sleeping together for the past  few nights which has made me realise something. There are many reasons porn distorts sex for us, but the biggest difference is the intimacy. There isn’t much  intimacy in porn, but with real, honest to goodness sex, there is much more than putting your penis into a girl’s vagina and coming. I realised this after lying in bed with her all night, naked, not talking, but just holding each other. This is what I’ve failed to understand all these years.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1j2xde/real_sex_vs_porn/

  91. NoFap is an embrace of human sexuality

    NoFap is an embrace of human sexuality (self.NoFap)

    by BonaRes8 days

    This just hit me this morning. I was concerned that, nearly every night when I head to bed, I have very intense sexual thoughts. I often indulge them, but do not masturbate even though I usually get an erection. I’ve not looked at porn since I started NoFap, so these thoughts are from my own head; however, I’ve noticed that some influences from the porn I used to watch in my thoughts.

    But, there is a difference between my thoughts and porn. First, I’m the guy in the fantasy; I’m not watching some other dude get off, but I’m the one getting off. Second, the girl is almost never a porn star, but an ex-girlfriend or just a girl I know (which may or may not be healthy itself, but it’s a big step away from porn).

    Thinking about this, it hit me: NoFap embraces our sexuality. I think some people view this as a denial of sexuality, especially those opposed to NoFap. They could not be more wrong! NoFap, even after only a week or so, has already made me a much more sexual, goal-oriented being. It’s frustrating sometimes, but incredible most of the time.

    I know others have probably observed this, but it just really made sense to me today.

    Let us embrace our sexual selves, fapstronauts! We have nothing to lose but the addiction to PMO, and everything (sexual and otherwise) to gain!

    TL;DR – NoFap, instead of denying sexuality, embraces it. It shifts us from watching others have sex and accomplish goals to increasing both sexual and general desire.
     

  92. First-hand experience of the poisonous nature of porn

    First-hand experience of the poisonous nature of porn

     by Innyouty

    A bit of background: over the last few years I’ve considered myself to have commitment issues. I’d been with a few great girls, but was always worried that I’d meet someone better looking or kinkier, and I’d end up hurting the girl or worse, cheating. I realised this is a very scummy attitude, and hated it, and ended up pushing girls away before any damage was done.

    Recently, I started seeing a girl who is awesome. She’s hilarious and cute and takes a genuine interest in me. But my commitment issues were kicking in again and I didn’t know what to do. After a long think, I decided that porn could be the cause of this, creating unrealistic aspirations for me.

    So I started pornfree and Nofap. It was tough at first, but I managed to make it past a week (a big deal for me). While hanging out with the girl I’m seeing, I started to notice how pretty she is and thinking about how good she is for me. I felt really happy just being with her.

    Then, in a moment of weakness, I turned to my old vice and watched a few videos. I didn’t masturbate, but almost instantly my old mindset came back. I started thinking about whether I should end it to prevent hurting her, and about how I can probably find a girl who is hotter, slimmer and dirtier in bed. The thoughts made me anxious and miserable.

    It’s been quite startling to see that porn not only prevents me from being happy, but really brings out some ugly, despicable aspects of my personality and turns me into the kind of guy I hate. I think this first hand experience is just the kick up the arse I needed to quit this nasty habit for good.

    Does anyone else have similar stories? I hope this is of some inspiration to someone…
     

  93. Real sex made 3x better. Thanks nofap

    After a few relapses and restarts I found myself cooking steaks for a beautiful blonde at my home. When we got down to business I found myself with a sexual energy that I had not seen since my early 20s. The first round went expectedly quick. However I was ale to rally for 2 more rounds of mind blowing sex before the evening was over.
    If I had been my old self. I would have most likely have fapped at least 2-3 ties earlier that day. Leaving nothing in the tank for a deserving partner. So I’m lying in bed this morning feeling that I still have the energy from the surge but still with the satisfaction of release.

    It’s a good feeling. Thanks to all you faspstaunots for all your support and guidance.

    Real sex made 3x better. Thanks nofap. (self.NoFap)

     by jaspersurfer

  94. Sex life has really improved since starting nofap. I’m writing t

    Sex life has really improved since starting nofap. I’m writing this as an encouragement to anybody who needs it.

    by Nonremovable31 days

    I started nofap 31 days ago. It was my first ever attempt, and I’ve managed to stick to it thus far.

    See, I’m a married man, and what I came to realize was that PMO was seriously damaging my marriage. I had no desire for sex with my wife, because it was too hard (there’s usually pain involved for her and it takes a lot of work to lube etc.) and I was being damn lazy because I satisfied my urges with porn.

    I viewed sex with my wife as charity. I would think to myself, “well I better have sex with her so she’ll be happy,” not understanding that I was forsaking true intimacy that is possible in marriage. I’ve been married for six years, and sex has always kind of been this way.

    For about the first 25 days of nofap, I was just flatlined. It was no problem not fapping because I had no urges of any kind. I felt dead in that area. Then on day 27 it was like a lightswitch was flicked on, and my sex drive came roaring back with a vengeance.

    It was so bad the other night, that I couldn’t sleep at all. All I could think about was sex. But I refused to M because I am serious about nofap. The next morning it was so bad we ended up doing it on the bathroom floor at her parents house while the baby was sleeping in the other room (we were on vacation). It was the most amazing sex I’d had in months, possible years. And it did nothing to satisfy me. The next night, I was so urgy that we ended up doing it at 1:30 in the morning (normal bedtime is 9 pm for us). It was crazy. Then again last night.

    Finally, after three straight nights, I’m drained. It’s amazing. I just want you husbands who are like me to know that awesome wife sex is possible, if you stop fapping.

    But beyond the sex part, I have to say that my relationship with my wife has improved dramatically in the last 31 days. She will be reading this post later, and I can promise you that she will agree with me. Nofap has changed my life, and now I feel like I have the strength and confidence to change other areas of my life.

    So I hope this post helps somebody.
     

  95. Comment on forum post

    I’m grateful to discover that my interest [as rebooting progresses] is turning out to be attainable women about my age, instead of some of those porn-inspired spurious interests and impossible standards that were worrying me.

  96. Interesting exchange
    I hadn’t looked at any porn in quite awhile. Then while my girlfriend was away, I did. I shouldn’t have, but I did. When she came back, I noticed a distinct decline in my feelings for her. It was disturbing and unsettling. I figure it’s the porn, as it’s happened before like that. Things will come back after several days from the porn use.

    Pretty crazy how it impacts my perceptions like that.

    https://web.archive.org/web/20210419085231/http://www.reuniting.info/comment/90429

    __

    Response of another forum member:

    Your prior feelings will come back. But the bad effects can last a considerable amount of time. I think especially because they trigger memories in your brain and these memories are deeply etched like deep grooves in a path where everyone walks in the middle and the path gets worn deep just in the middle.

    It’s great you can observe and notice this because that is the important part — then you can avoid it.

    This isn’t the case when you are seeing pretty girls around town or at the beach. It isn’t the same at all. I can drink in the beauty of a young thing in a bikini and still feel incredible arousal for my wife.

    That’s why I say it’s the porn or erotic triggers that are best to avoid, rather than avoiding looking at pretty (real) girls.

     

  97. Married NoFap, 1 year report
    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1mi916/married_nofap_1_year_report_a_few_days_early/

    I’m so glad that r/nofap exists, and that I found it one year ago. I had been masturbating to internet porn for over thirteen years and married for two years at this time last year. I was never too happy about my need to fap as a single man, but I hated it as a married one. I’m convinced that it affected our relationship, as I could already sense a decrease in intimacy even though we were still newlyweds. Sometimes I would be waiting for my wife to fall asleep or go to the store so I could masturbate, and I’d be irritable with her while she was still around. Any time that I wanted sex and didn’t get it I would treat as a blank check to service myself. It’s an awful way to treat someone, but it’s also a really unhealthy way to approach your own sexual desire. It’s an unspoken ultimatum: either you’re taking care of this boner or I am. It reduces the intimate, physical aspect of your relationship to the level of an oil change. Whether I take it into the shop or do it in my driveway, the result is the same (I really like to stretch a metaphor for all its worth).

    The tipping point came when I was traveling alone for a couple weeks, and–predictably– masturbating pretty much nightly. I was bored and unhappy and was probably searching for some porn on reddit when I ran into this place and started researching. After watching some videos and (most importantly) reading up on people’s experiences, I was fired up and decided to join in. Here’s what I’ve noticed in the last year:

    -Things got a lot easier when I told my wife. The first month or so I was on my own, and it was agonizingly hard. I didn’t want to tell her until I was confident that I could keep going, because I didn’t want to have to tell her about a relapse. But I think opening up to her at the very start would have made it so much easier. She was very supportive, and from time to time would ask me how it was going and express how impressed she was.

    -With my wife on board I had a very powerful anti-relapse weapon: I would just imagine the next day after masturbating: waking up knowing that I failed, resetting my badge, admitting it to her. That will get you to close those tabs on your browser pretty quick. You can also try this whether or not you have a SO. Picture yourself in the sober light of the next day, writing your relapse up to post on nofap.

    -As far as physical/mental/personality changes: I think that a lot of what people attribute to nofap is really the placebo effect, but I have noticed some things that I can’t explain. I’m horny all the time, but not in an unpleasant way anymore. My mind was conditioned to expect release any time it experienced desire, but gradually I’ve reached the point where I can be (relatively) comfortable with arousal that isn’t consummated. It really does give you energy that can be applied to other aspects of your life (like school, currently).

    -Sex is more frequent, longer, and better. At first I think my wife made a conscious effort to have more sex with me as a sort of support mechanism (another benefit of telling your partner about nofap), but I also think that we are both more attracted to each other now. There’s something in women that responds to being fiercely desired. Instead of the desultory requests for an “oil change” she used to get, she now has a husband with the constant libido of a teenage boy directed only at her, not at “getting off” by whatever means necessary. It’s like I’ve become more masculine and she’s become more feminine as well, with the result that we are both increasingly attractive to the other.

    -I realize that everything I’ve written so far has been very positive, but I’ve also had several near-relapses in the last 3 months. Sometimes I’ll run into a picture online, or a scene on a TV show (I’ve decided not to watch Game of Thrones for this reason) or even just walk past a girl in yoga pants and it’s like my blood pressure shoots up about 40 points. Nofap does a lot of things, but it certainly does not make you numb to temptation. I think a lot of single people do nofap precisely for this effect, but it’s pretty rough on the monogamous.

    Good luck, brothers and sisters.

     

  98. it’s drastically changed my view on how I view women.

    Changes are more subtle than you think

     by DistantIdentity 29 days

    Girl friends. Not girlfriends, girl friends. I never thought I’d have them, but I do now, and it’s awesome.

    Sure, when your brain is resetting, everything with breasts and a vagina becomes a magnet for your eyes and lust. That will pass, and once you realize that there’s more to relationships than wanting to hump everything with a pulse, only then will you be free.

    I’ve been at this for a month, and it’s drastically changed my view on how I view women. I can now talk to them in a friendly way without constantly contemplating the possibility of sex, and what’s even better, is that after a certain point, you become comfortable enough with girls to where you can openly talk to them about sex and love. It’s much more intimate than bro-talk, but it frees you in so many ways. Knowing that a platonic girl friend trusts you with her relationship problems just sets you free in an amazing way. It makes you feel like your words and opinions matter.

    I woke up today feeling extremely confident, and I may not be swatting girls away like flies, but talking with them is not only easier, but WAY less awkward. Also, the girls that do intrigue you have totally new features that impact me more than any physical aspect. This past week, I discovered that I’m not the self-proclaimed “ass man” that I thought I was. I’m an eye-guy. Yup. There’s nothing better for me right now than looking into a girls eyes and just getting lost in them. Porn can’t do that to you (at least, not what I used to watch :P).

    Give it time. The transformation isn’t easy, nor is it quick, but it’s there, whether you think so or not.

  99. The longer you go, the more you realize how dumb it is.

    The numb porn brain tries to convince you YOU NEED IT, YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT, but the funny thing is: The longer you go, the more you realize how dumb it is. When you’re looking into a sparkling cute girl’s eyes and she warmly bends forward and makes a little excited moan gives you a kiss on the lips that sends a shiver chill up your back, you will realize in that moment porn is the stupidest fucking thing in existence; you will only regret you got away sooner.

    EXTREME Addict. Need Help.

  100. My new perspective on sex, and girls

    My new perspective on sex, and girls

    by Nofaphawaii

    Hey fellow NoFappers! Today is my 59th day, and I currently have no desire to Fap, or watch porn. But I want to cut to the chase and save you the pain of reading an entire documentary.

    I didn’t decide to do hard mode, I just happened to go the first 55 days without having sex, mostly due to having just moved to a new state, not knowing anyone, and going through the ups and downs of the beginning stages of NoFap. However, things started to change after a month or so.

    There’s this girl at work that I’ve been hanging out with regularly in my new circle of friends. She’s very cool, can hang with the guys, and she’s pretty. It has never been so easy to just hang out with a girl and not think about having sex with her the whole time. That is an awesome feeling. However, I think because I wasn’t so focused on trying to make the sexual chemistry, it happened naturally.

    On night 56, we took advantage of our mutual attraction, and she made it clear that sex was an option. To keep it SFW and non triggery I’ll just say that we had sex and leave out the details. We had sex, and it was certainly enjoyable, but something was so, so different about this.

    I knew that I didn’t have feelings for her, and still don’t. I never had feelings for most of the girls I’ve had sex with in the past. This didn’t affect me until now. Porn had turned every woman I saw into a sex object. Looking back at my past, I haven’t had a girlfriend since I started watching porn, or looked at girls with the possibility of friendship. I don’t plan to have sex with her again, and I do plan on waiting for a girl I actually want to be with.

    I don’t want to bore you with my long train of thoughts, but here’s the main things I want to share with you that I’ve learned!

    1. Porn gives us the wrong intentions with women, and we do things that make them think we love them, just to use them. (Not all of us, but I definitely did this and am just now becoming aware of it.) Let’s not break girl’s hearts!
    2. Girls can be friends, not just lovers. Women have an entirely different perspective, and the simple concept of a good conversation that once seemed impossible is usually one of the most enjoyable parts of my day. It’s much easier to let the natural friendship chemistry flow when you’re not focused on what the girl you’re talking to looks like naked.
    3. You’re a better person than you think you are. If you are aware of your porn addiction, or the way you treat girls, treat yourself, whatever. It’s not you! It’s something beyond you that can be fixed!
    4. NoFap is worth it, and it gets easier. DO NOT GIVE UP.
    5. Women respond much better to a man who doesn’t have “Let me have sex with you” written on their forehead.

    I’ll look forward to seeing you all at the 90 day mark!

    Much love and I’ll be more than happy to answer questions about my journey if you have any

    Shoots, Ryan

  101. On day 30 as a curious non-addict – this makes a difference

    On day 30 as a curious non-addict

    by batwingsuit 29 days

    As someone who came into this with his porn and masturbation under control, I am happy to report that even I see and feel marked improvement!

    Ever since my first sexual experience at the tender age of 15, I have had problems maintaining my erection in various situations. Especially when condoms are involved. I basically wasn’t able to have sex while wearing a condom—until now!

    I’m in a great relationship for almost 4 years now. For most of that time my girlfriend was on birth control, but made the decision to stop taking it a couple of months ago. I can’t blame her—I’m not sure I’d want to trick my body into thinking its perpetually pregnant either…

    Anyway, I made her aware of my problem with condoms early on and she was cool and understanding about it. I wasn’t exactly stoked on the idea, but I want to be supportive of her and take the responsibility over for a while so I said I’d try my best.

    Shortly afterwards I started NoFap, and it’s been great! This past weekend was absa-fucking-lutely amazing. I came from the best blowjob I have ever received, I came from an incredible handjob, and I had a very full hard-on while wearing a condom and fucking her slowly and “gently”—I would never be able to do any of these things before. With motivation like this it just gets easier and easier to keep from wanking, and porn is a fucking has-been.

    So, thank you NoFap for the motivation and support! I hope those of you starting in a dire situation will stick to it and turn your life around. I myself am eagerly looking forward to what the rest of this challenge will bring!

     

  102. Surprising and magical experience with my wife

    Surprising and magical experience with my wife

    by dcprime

    So I’m going on 4 weeks porn/fap free (although I can’t see my badge online – anyone know why that is?) Anyway, two nights ago my wife and I started fooling around in bed for the first time since I began NoFap (and for the first time in several weeks before that) and I had to share something about the experience with this community.

    First, I cannot remember a time in my 7 1/2 year marriage when my wife and I got intimate where I wasn’t bringing thoughts about porn or other women into the bed with me. I felt terrible about it, but it was important to me to reach climax, both to keep my wife convinced that there was nothing wrong with her, and also because we were trying to have kids and pregnancy doesn’t happen without the man planting the seed, so to speak.

    Anyway, two nights ago when my wife and I got frisky, I made my first, real, genuine effort to focus only on HER and not allow any other women/images to enter into my mind. I also made sure to maintain eye contact with her the entire time (previously I had always closed my eyes since – and this sounds truly twisted I know – seeing my wife was a distraction from trying to playback the porn fantasies in my mind during sex).

    The result of actually looking into my wife’s eyes the entire time and making a real effort to emotionally connect with her was one of the most amazing sexual experiences we’ve ever had! For the first time in my LIFE I felt emotionally connected to her during sex (the first time I’ve felt this with ANY woman while being intimate). During those moments, it actually felt like I was looking at her the same way I did back when we first started dating – like someone beautiful and otherworldly and transcendent and out-of-my-league who was allowing me into her own private space, created just for the two of us.

    On top of this, it actually PHYSICALLY felt different than any other experience I had had in the past (whether alone or with a partner). I don’t know how much of the sensation was due to my not fapping for almost 4 weeks or maybe it was a fluke or something, but the actual feeling was more intense and hot – like, physically hot temperature-wise.

    I guess we’re going to have to try it again to know if this sensation was a fluke or not, but we’re taking things slow anyway since my recovery is the important thing and once things are properly reset we have all the time in the world to make up for lost intimacy from earlier in our marriage.

    All that to say, the benefits of NoFap are REAL and sometimes feel magical (figuratively and literally). And if there are any other recovering couples out there, I would love to know if you’ve had any similar experiences to my own.

  103. Comment on forum

    For what seems like forever, I’ve viewed women as an escape – from work, stress, etc. That mentality has hurt me, because while that can make for an exciting first stage of a relationship, when it matures and you’re with this person in a different sense, its easy to get bored, disillusioned, whatever.

    I get annoyed that she wants to be more serious about the relationship and I just want to frolic like we just met. Then I miss out on the depth and simmering love of a long lasting relationship. I’ve had girlfriends for 1-2 years at a time, but each ended with frustration, usually that I couldn’t commit to them.

    And now I think that this mentality of seeing a woman as an escape from life, instead of a partner in life, is a root cause of that problem. The link between that mentality and PMO is pretty obvious, isn’t it? This may not be some life changing revelation for anyone, but just one more piece of the puzzle that is worth reflecting upon.

    Fap Induced Misconception of Women Realized (34M) (self.NoFap)

    submitted 9 hours ago by Turnround19 days

  104. Female: A tale of two men

    The following post is from pornfree/reddit

    A word of encouragement from a female, plus seeking relationship advice.

    Hi you guys,

    I reddit-searched “do all men watch porn” and found this sub. The truth is I already knew the answer to that question but was hoping to find a place like this, because I feel like I have nobody in my life I can talk to right now about this.

    The reason why I already knew the answer to that question is because I previously dated a guy who didn’t watch porn. Well, he watched porn super rarely, maybe a couple times a year. (When I relay this story, usually people tell me that he was lying. But we (practically) lived together, spending 98% of days and nights at one of our places, for 3 years. You would think I would notice.)

    Before dating him, I myself watched porn. I was ‘horny’ pretty often. I craved release. But this porn-less guy had this totally different way of making love… sometimes he would stop in the middle and call it a night because he could tell my head was ‘somewhere else’ – and he was right. But I thought dirty fantasies were not only normal, but kind of the only way I knew how to get into it. That’s how my brain had been trained.

    Before I dated him, I didn’t realize that love-making – and I really mean love-making, not having sex – could be so… intimate and so present. I mean really.

    Since then I got over porn, just naturally. After seeing this other way of being, this other kind of relationship I could have with my own libido and with a lover, I just… got turned off of it. For years I would still need to think of my preferred ‘nasty’ scenarios to get off, and to be honest sometimes I still do. But it’s gotten rarer and rarer. I only give in a couple times a year now, like my dear ex. And when I do, I just feel… gross. I’m not even religious or anything. Just knowing the other way arousal can be, I feel like I’m cheating myself when I fall back into that hole.

    But here’s the thing: I’m a woman and most of you are not, so I imagine our stories go differently. (Although that interesting ‘brain on porn’ series in the sidebar here claims that recent research has disproved that men are more promiscuous than women.) But my point is, I’m not trying to say, “Hey this is what you should do.”

    What I’m trying to say is, this is my experience as a woman, and I can really feel the difference between these two kinds of sex… so for those of you who are concerned about ‘performance’, there ya go. (Although, I hesitate to use that word because I feel that that special, intimate style of love making doesn’t quite fit that vibe – it’s about acceptance.)

    I hope this long-winded story encouraged someone! Good luck you guys! It’s worth it in the end.

    —

    (cough) Now, if someone cares to offer some advice, I wouldn’t mind… I know there are relationship advice subs but I trust this particular group of people… but please don’t feel obligated to read the following wall of text, the point of my post is what was above.

    The reason why I searched “do all men watch porn” is because now, ironically, I’m dating a guy with a moderate porn addiction. I also really, really, love him. Like, for the first time, I’m seriously considering the m-word.

    I’m torn over this guy. In every area except sex, he is this picture-perfect boyfriend, and also my best friend. Out of the bedroom we share an incredible intimacy.

    But in the sack… usually I just feel like he’s trying to get off. Usually I feel like he’s, as my ex expressed, ‘somewhere else.’ He’s also really into his fetish… and I’ve been trying for 3 years but I just can’t get into the costumes and lines and the intrusion of a script into sexy time, which I now hold as kind of sacred.

    So what happened over time… seems so predictable in retrospect… my libido plummeted. The desire is pretty infrequent now. Which of course hurt his feelings. And now he says he has to engage in porn in order to get off because he hardly ever can with me.

    ….so…. what do you guys think of the situation? Oh, of course I’ve talked to him about all of this. Like I said, we’re pretty close. But I’m not sure if it’s getting better. Maybe it is. Last night he excused himself from our chill-out time to go watch porn and jerk it. But he said beforehand, as if to appease me, that he hadn’t done it in like a week. Which I guess is a big deal for him. Which I guess means he’s trying for me.

    I guess.

    (The thing is… maybe I don’t want him to do it for me. Maybe I just wish he would see it the same way I see it, now. As kind of gross. If he is abstaining for me, that’s very sweet, and he is a very kind boyfriend, and I appreciate it… I guess. But it doesn’t solve my root problem.)

    But still, when he locked himself in the bathroom, I just.. I couldn’t. I broke down and cried. Just like I’m crying now, because the truth is that even though we’re busy and stressed and pressed for time and tired, I would have fucked him last night or any other night if only he would take the time to seduce me in a present way. It just makes me feel like I’m not worth it.

    What do you think?

    (Obligatory Disclaimer: a lot of times people post responses about how ‘you need to talk to him’ and umm… I’m just trying not to waste anyone’s time… of course I talk to him about all this. There’s nothing here he doesn’t know. I’m looking for YOUR opinion on the situation, internet stranger, not advice on how important communication is to a relationship. 😉 )

  105. I feel the excitement and rush I felt for her so many years ago

    She’s naked, big deal…

    by toiletseeder

    She is naked, big deal I’m not waking up. That’s what my brain and my penis used to say when my would wife take her clothes off. It was terrible cause she’s a very beautiful woman and I wanted to be excited, aroused and very ready for her. But my brain just wouldn’t respond to her, hell it wouldn’t respond to porn anymore either.

    I was watching shemale porn at the time which gave me a big rush at the beginning, but after a few weeks it became old also, I was jacking off with a deflated penis teaching my brain that it didn’t need to spend the energy to get it up in order to orgasm.

    After one streak of 42 days plus the streak I’m on with only one time fap in between and no porn whatsoever, I’m coming out of the dark lonely place I was in.

    Now if I think if my wife I get hard, of I see her and touch her I feel the excitement and rush I felt for her so many years ago, she notices the difference when I see her, we’re doing hard mode, but we still kiss in bed and caress each other without penetration and man what a difference.

    Now my ED is gone, she’s not mad at me and wanting to divorce anymore, she’s encouraging me to stay in hard mode until the 90 days, it’s still a struggle and I did go flatline for about 3 weeks. I encourage everyone to stay away from porn, take back control of your life,

    I’m 38, wish I had never started PMO, don’t know why my wife stayed with me buy I so love her much more now for that.

     

  106. Porn made me see girls in a way where I only thought a perfect

    Porn made me see girls in a way where I only thought a perfect ten like the superstar porn stars were hot in real life. Before I relapsed the last time I started to see that many many other girls are very attractive and I was so pissed about being that picky when there is much more to a woman then looking like what I thought they had to look like to be hot.

    I’m glad to be rid of this because now I can enjoy all kinds of women and I don’t mean in only a sexual way. I understand what you mean also because many times now there will be a girl that most and even I wouldn’t consider to be very hot but there is a sexual attraction there that is strong. It’s not really a visual thing but more like a feeling and strong attraction and like you it tends to be girls who are not the typical supermodel/pornstar looking but it’s hard to describe. Like they are the ones who I have more feelings towards and could spend time with and just enjoy their company compared to say a trophy wife who is just there to look good and see as a sexual object.

    Not to say that a ridiculously hot chick can’t provoke the same caring loving emotions because obviously do as well but it’s funny cause I definitely know what you mean. It will be so good to have a mind not warped by porn and to see life through a clear natural perspective. Good luck man.

    Re: Sexual preferences

  107. Surprise at what lies behind the veil of lust

    Surprise at what lies behind the veil of lust

    by the_lonely_monk

    One of my favorite kinds of posts to read here are those in which the poster expresses bafflement at feeling something other than lust towards women. Like

    • “I totally never noticed how attractive an ordinary, non-airbrushed girl can be!”
    • “I don’t just want to jerk off on her face anymore!”
    • “I really want to talk and get to know her, and not just fuck her!”

    It’s pretty wonderful to see these changes, but it’s almost kind of sad to see how unprepared a lot of these guys are to deal with it. They just don’t even seem to understand what they are going through.

    But of course, not everyone goes through this. Inevitably there are a few comments or posts that emphasize:

    • “I’m not here to learn how to ‘respect’ women, I’m just getting my habit under control.”
    • “So sick of the moralizing on nofap. If I just want to get laid, so what?”
    • “Stop trying to make people ashamed of their sexuality. If a guy wants to (insert whatever degrading sexual practice here), who are you to say it’s wrong?”

    I’m a little fascinated by the difference. I have to wonder if at the bottom of it, there are just two fundamentally different kinds of men.

    On the one hand, there are those who can see that there is a reality behind lust. Some knew this all along, and started nofap knowing that’s where they wanted to go. But a lot seem like they didn’t know it until they started their nofap journey. They’re surprised at what they find.

    But then there are those, for whatever reason, who deny this reality. Are they just different? Or is that other reality just buried so deep in them, that even doing nofap isn’t enough for them to reach it?

    I’ll probably get blasted by some of these people for “judging” them, but whatever. That’s what they do, I’m used to it. I also have to wonder if their defensiveness has to do with the fact that, deep down, they do know that reality exists. And it’s calling them. But they don’t want or are unable to heed the call yet, so they get angry at anyone that reminds them of it.
     

  108. Relationship realizations
    Relationship realizations

    by kipp1117

    I realized that nofap is like practice for relationships. You have to take it slow to develop a healthy trusting relationship. Sex comes later in. I think a lot of us come on too strong to girls because we think as soon as you have a girlfriend, you will have sex. Contrary to what is conveyed on TV and in movies, a lot of people don’t want to have sex with someone they just met. You have to be able to wait for it, let them want it more than you do, and that’s when it becomes easy.

    Nofap is all about discipline. How you use that discipline is up to you.

    Mailanka

    I’ve slowly come to grasp something else about fapping and relationships: Fapping teaches us to be selfish. The point of fapping, of course, is self-gratification. It’s getting to the payoff at the end. Get used to that, and we start seeing sex in the same way: It’s about reaching that goal of pleasure. But sex can be about so much more than that. It can be about building intimacy between two people, about forming bonds. It can be about pleasing her as much as pleasing yourself, and letting her learn to please you as you learn to please her.

    Fapping can’t teach you that. It even conditions you away from that. If you needed another reason to quit.
     

     

  109. I woke up this morning to find a letter from my wife
    My wife knows nothing about my addiction. Mainly because she has a rough sexual history and I don’t want to give her more stress on the subject, but in reality I have not told her because I am guilt ridden and ashamed. I am on day 10 of my mission to eradicate PMO. I have never gone more than 2 days in the past and have been strongly addicted for 12 years. Over the past few days I have had flashbacks to PMO memories, I have had incredibly intense urges, and I have had depression waves. I have wanted to quit at every stage.

    I woke up to a large handwritten letter in my violin case from my wife. In it she states how amazed she was at how much I have been helping around the house, but most importantly how supportive of her I have been this past week. (Remember she does not know I am doing this) She started on Monday and wrote very specifically about each individual day on how she felt loved by my actions. She mentioned how for the first time in a long time she felt truly supported by her man.

    I have always loved my wife and wanted to do this to make sure every minute I spend with her is well lived. If I ever needed proof that nofap was beyond effective this letter was it. Again she has no idea I am doing this. The nofap community is incredible. Because of YOU I feel I am changing into a better version of myself.

    If you have doubts that the effects are negligible then listen to me when I say that you might not see them but those around you will.

    I owe you guys a beer.

    submitted 15 hours ago by wildviolinist10 days

  110. Even girls that wouldn’t be considered ‘hot’ I look at and see b

    I feel like I’m 16 again :]

    The world is suddenly full of all these beautiful women with nice smiles, eyes and laughs.

    Even girls that wouldn’t be considered ‘hot’ I look at and see beautiful PEOPLE.

    A girl I’ve known (classmate – not close, but we’d interact once in a while) keeps catching my eye! How she rocks forward on her feet when she laughs. Her smile and goofy stories she tells.

    God damn it feels good to have illogical crushs floating around my head again. I’m 21 and havn’t felt this way in YEARS.

    THIS IS LIFE 😀

  111. The craziest thing has happened in my marriage

    Since starting this thing almost 2 weeks ago my frequency of sexual interaction with my wife has skyrocketed. We were making love about once or twice a month. After the first two days she started becoming more interested in sex. We’ve had sex every other day since. This is incredible.

    I’m more sexually content than I’ve ever been in my marriage because I decided no more fapping for me. And to top it off I’m getting the intimacy with the love of my life that I always craved.

    She had no idea about my PMO and she still doesn’t know about nofap. She’s unknowingly responding to a change in me that she can’t explain. I feel more confident and sexy and it’s having a huge effect on her.

    It’s easier to focus now since the joy of living has returned to me for the first time in about 5 years. I’m loving it.

    The craziest thing has happened in my marriage (self.NoFap)

    by mans-man

  112. NoFap has had a profound psychological impact on me
    Pornography distorts the way you look at sex, love and women. It also makes you a wimp.

    COMMENTS UNDER POST

    –]TMA-3

    NoFap has had a profound psychological impact on me, similar to what you’ve described. The way I look at women has completely changed. I don’t see them as sex objects anymore, but as normal people–and now they’re even more attractive in my eyes. I never thought I’d adopt an anti-porn mindset considering the fact that a year ago I would watch it all the time, but seriously–I feel sad for all the other guys my age who jerk off to porn everyday because it’s “healthy” and “normal.” Fuck that shit. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

    trying_to_quit

    Thank you, interesting perspective. I really see that altered mindset in myself and sometimes feel unworthy, what would a woman want to do with someone like me. It is really stupid, but with that mindset its kind of self fulfilling.

    fancyPantsOne

    Wow, you pretty much nailed it. In addition to getting lots of sexual mojo back during my nofap quest, I’ve really been amazed at how differently I look at my wife now. I am actually into her as a person more than I have been probably since we got married.

    sfumato1002

    All I can say is that this post is truth. I talk from experience…porn will make you a shit man, a week and worthless version of yourself. Please stay away from porn… if you really really really really…4 reallies..want to ever be a man…stay away from porn and fapping… my life is shit but now I am waking the hell up. Stay strong Fapstronauts, this is the best challenge in life.

    Donotdoit13

    True. The more you PMO, the more female (in essence) you become. When you are constantly spilling your seed, your manhood dwindles.

    Ever wonder why girls seem to look at you differently when you abstain? Whereas, when you were looking at porn they didn’t even seem to notice you? It’s like natures way of saying, ” Hmmm. This guy doesn’t seem to care about others, he only cares about his own pleasure. I will retract female attention from him. He will not have a family in the future because he’s selfish. He is not worthy of procreating.”

    DWinsRespect

    Five star post and great contribution to the forum.

    I, too, agree with you and understand the importance of just being yourself and not having a single care in the world about what is thought of you or your interests. That is truly what a MAN is. That is truly what ALL women have wanted, want right now, or will want in the future after she’s already popped out two children from the macho-man-that-owns-a-truck-that-costs-400-dollars-to-fill-up-shitblimp-scumbag-porn-watching-douche.

    I don’t meet women in bars or clubs. Those are the types that want that bad boy right now but will regret it in the future. I meet educated, well-respected, morally valued women in coffee shops, fun runs, volunteer events, and recreational sporting events who know what they want OUT OF LIFE and not just OUT OF LIFE RIGHT NOW.

     

  113. Pornography distorts the way you look at sex, love and women. It

    I am a nineteen year-old male from the United States and I am doing my best to stay clean by not fapping nor looking at pornography. Just a few moments ago, I had a major epiphany: Pornography will distort the way you look at sex, love and women. How would I know? Well, it did it’s job on me and it did it pretty good too…

    Back during the time of my childhood, I can remember liking girls not just because they were cute, but because they were amazing people. Now fast forward to the near-end of 2013, the only reason why I enjoy being around women is because of the chance of us having sex.

    Not only that, but when you watch pornography and jack off to it more so than you actually interact with other people, it distorts the way you see relationships. For example, because of pornography, I now believe that in order to be considered attractive, you must be a douche with no direction in life other than partying and “spitting game.” Well us men have been lied to. If you look at couples in the street, the man isn’t what I described above(although there is that 1% that do enjoy it), and he is actually quite successful and respectful. If you open up a women’s fashion magazine, you’ll see that in order for a girl to be attractive, she must look anorexic, have a certain purse, have a certain hairstyle, have certain high heels and all of this other bullshit that us men do not care about 98% of the time and are really only into her and her feminine essence. Well, the same thing applies to us; we are constantly told that you must be a douche to have any chance of passing on your genes. Therefore, you see a bunch of guys feeling like complete crap about themselves because they don’t fit that plastic image of a man. In reality, women are attracted to strong, confident men that can lead with a real masculine essence. That is it. Let this drum into your head and let it stay there forever. Forget that whole macho-man-that-owns-a-truck-that-costs-400-dollars-to-fill-up-shitblimp-scumbag-porn-watching-douche image.

    When you watch porn, this is what happens to you: you, again, feel like crap because you don’t fit the ideal image that media constantly bombards you with, you lose you masculine essence and you are afraid to take chances.

    TL;DR : Stay the Hell away from pornography and don’t touch your member unless you are either bathing or using the bathroom. You will get you true male essence back.

    Pornography distorts the way you look at sex, love and women. It also makes you a wimp.

  114. This morning, my wife told me: “there has been at least one good

    I started nofap at the end of year 2012. I usually relapse after either 5-10 days or 25 days, and I’m currently on my longest streak ever since the beginning of the year.

    I started nofap to improve my sex life and according to my wife, it worked (she doesn’t know about nofap, though)! I know there are also other reasons, but nofap is obviously a part of it!

    I hope it’ll give hopes to other fapstronauts doing it to improve their sex lives!

    have faith!

    This morning, my wife told me: “there has been at least one good thing this year: our sex life!” Thanks NoFap!

    by nfstabilo 52 days

     

  115. I love it that I desire my wife, and she does too.

    I finally made it! I started about a year ago being ruled by my desires, prefering MO more than my wife, and feeling horny most of the time. It was like an itch that never went away. Then my wife and I watched the Your Brain On Porn video and saw that it may be possible to not have to live like this, there MAY be another way. My wife has been very supportive and that has helped a lot.

    At first I would only make it a few days, then a week, then a few weeks, then a month, then 40 days, then 60, and now 90! Each time I beat my previous streak I was stoked. I didn’t let it bother me when I relapsed because my goal wasn’t a number really, my goal was to enjoy my wife, and I knew every step I took was a step in the right direction.

    Benefits so far: I don’t always have that itch anymore, but when I do, I use that energy for good until I can be with my wife again. I use it and focus it while desiring her. I love it that I desire my wife, and she does too. Sex also physically and mentally feels better than it did before. It feels right, it is satisfying, and it takes away the itch for a much longer time. I also don’t “need” O every morning like I used to, that was just a pain and made me late for work sometimes.

    This is an amazing community! I am so proud to be a part of such a positive, encouraging, and helpful bunch of people! I still cannot believe that such a group exists on the internet. Thanks for the daily words of encouragement, I hope my post helps someone out there too!

    90 day report (self.NoFap)

    by nsoniat

     

     

  116. There are 3 kinds of SEX.

    Hey Guys,

    I want to tell you something. My theory after more than 1.5 year of rebooting on this whole topic.

    Well, i will not tell you my whole story, you can read it in my journal if you want, but i had PIED, very very much.
    So what i found out in the last 1,5 year rebooting and rewiring is :

    There are 3 kinds of SEX.

    1. Sex with yourself
    2. Horny Sex
    3. Intimate Sex

    1.Obviously EVERYONE here know exactly what Sex with yourself is.
    We masturbate to porn (or fantasy) there are pictures which makes us horny, and we know exactly how to do it to get an orgasm

    2.Horny Sex knows also most of guys here, i call it porn-infected sex, although there is nothing bad about it, but for people who has ISSUES with PIED it might be dangerous, because the same mechanism is involved.

    Fantasy’s.
    Even when we have sex with our partner we are in our head, fantasizing .. seeing pictures etc. It is a lot about physical stuff, like big tits, big ass etc.
    As i said normally there is nothing bad about it, but it might be a trap. I will tell later about it.

    3.And finally, Intimate Sex.
    And this is something, what the most guys don’t know here. Its sad but true.
    I found out what Intimate Sex is when i was 32 Years old. During my reboot.
    It is very different than horny sex. It is all about INTIMACY, about letting your self connect with the other person, about being in the present and not in the head, or in the fantasy.
    It is very strong powerful connection, and very satisfying.

    So here comes my theory.

    After all this years of having either sex with yourself, or/and horny sex. you forget or maybe never learned how to have intimate sex.
    Then you quit PORN completely and fall into a huge flatline, and after weeks or even months you thing “damn, i have no libido , i can not get it up with real women etc.”

    But its wrong thinking. Because you still looking for horny sex, but now , after the reboot you have to start to learn to have intimate SEX.
    Its completely different , but believe me, there you will have no PIED anymore. You will be able to have great SEX . But you have to connect with yourself and with the other person.

    I really hope you understood what i write, my English might not be the best, but if you have questions i will try to answer them as good as i can.

    I could write my story in the success forum, because i went from PIED to having great sex with my GF.  But i do not look for horny sex anymore, not in the first place. I am now able to mix it, because i rewired! I have intimate sex and can add horny sex to this, and it is even more intense. But you need to learn to have intimate sex in the first place.

    Don’t look for the horny sex, one night stands etc. You will be disappointed.
    But when you learn to have intimate sex it will be the greats experience in your life, there will be no PIED anymore.

    Good luck

    a little different theory

  117. Comments on forum
    My girlfriend and I were studying together, taking little breaks to just cuddle up close and relax every hour or so. During one of those breaks, she asked how my NoFap journey was going. I’d told her about making it past 90 days and then screwing up 16 days ago, so she already knew about what was going on. I ended up telling her that all was going fine and that just the sheer length of time since me being in a habit of fapping had giving me one of the greatest benefits of all: it is now almost impossible for me to fantasize about sex or anything of that nature. She put her face down on my chest for a couple minutes and when she looked up she had tears in her eyes. I asked her what was wrong, and she just said, “I’m so happy that you’re able to love purely again.”

    Guys, the benefits to this challenge are countless. You’re able to fully take control of your life, and over time your body responds in such a manner that it almost wants you to. When you begin to shed the bonds of this lifestyle of constant, habitual PMO, you start to realize just how blinded you really were. And, as you can tell from above, girls tend to prefer guys that want to love them instead of lust for their lady bits.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1xw9fa/her_reaction/

    • My girlfriend and I have sex much more often. If we spend the day together it’s at least 3 times. Couple that with the fact that our sex is a lot more satisfying I would say it hasn’t made me want sex less more so that it’s made me want to love her more. And we both feel loved and wanted during sex. It’s been a positive on all counts since I started in January. And she knows about my nofap.
    • I have never been more in love with my girlfriend. All the energy I used to become numb, is boiling inside of me craving my best friend who happens to be my girlfriend. I really want to treat her as a goddess, before I was just tired, and grey. Now I am energized, and colourful!

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1xwhap/a_girl_who_stumbled_upon_this/

  118. Fapping made me look at woman like a piece of meat

    I hear allot of people saying after 90 days they notice more woman looking at them. This is because you have gained the confidence to look back at them and even smile. Before I would shun away and just look at the floor, allot of girls Have called me attractive and cute but I was always used to be shy and look away.

    Fapping made me look at woman like a piece of meat, but now I did not know I had this in me to actually approach a group of cute girls, Yes I have been rejected a couple times but I have gotten more numbers then rejections. I am not a player and I don’t play girls and have sex with multiple numbers through out the week. I have more respect for woman now, even my friends say “how man’ how can you just ask for numbers that easily?”. Its easy Cut all that bull sht aside what are the chances of seeing the same girl ever again unless you’re doing it locally. I find it more easy to relax and have a smooth conversation when talking to woman even if its at random. I used to hate the feeling when I caught a girl smiling at me on the train and I just look away and go home and think “dam was she even smiling at me? dam I should have just approached her”.

    Now I have found some one special in my life to share and interact feelings with. Yes the fapping is over and making love is so much better than fapping. I last longer in bed with my girl then with my right hand fapping away.

    All in all quitting flapping has changed my life around, I made the choices to turn things to a better end and for those out their finding it hard to quit. Its all about the mind once you can control it you will be free. Like a bird that’s been kept away and finally gets to spread its wings. Good luck fapsttonauts

    Confidence

    by KeepOnThePath

  119. How porn has affected me as a 19-year-old female.

    Disclaimer: I don’t use/view porn at all. Never really have. This is a different sort of story.

    First off, this sub is phenomenal! I love reading these stories and how so many of you have begun to see the true affects of porn. It amazes me how many of you are out there. 🙂

    Anyways, I’m your average 19-year-old, first year of college, love to game. I am 5’9″ and 140lbs. (relevant, promise!) I’m by no means fat/chubby/overweight. Pretty slim, I would think.

    Well, I started dating a boy about a year ago, end of high school, had a crush on him all year. He was into gaming, loved reading, philosophical, great writer… he seemed absolutely perfect.

    The downside: Even though he didn’t masturbate or consume pornography all that much, it still had an incredibly bad impact on how he viewed me. When we first began dating, he would often tell me how I liked him more than he liked me, or fill me in on his relationships with other women (I never asked, and these things included how great their relationship was, how often they had sex… ). He would pinch the thin layer of fat on my stomach and tell me he “didn’t like that.” He would point out how sometimes the skin by the straps of my bra would squish out. He would tell me how much he wanted me to work out and how cute I’d be if I were just a little smaller. He had trouble finishing.

    I stopped eating.

    I lost ten pounds. I’m “attractive” now. But really, there’s hardly any difference. I was already thin, and this didn’t impact my body much at all.

    For the sake of brevity, when he stopped use of porn altogether, all of this changed. (Even those who don’t use porn “often” are subject to this.) He became “un-addicted,” so to speak, to the fantasy aliens of porn, and became attracted to me. His general respect for me as a person has grown. He stops treating me as if I’m “naive” and need his guidance.

    I’m one of the few who have stuck it out, and it payed off. Though I do feel the need to say that this change occurred over the course of a year, it has not been quick by any means, and this proves to me that this change is for good.

    So thanks, /r/pornfree, there are real results to quitting porn (and it extends upon just improving your own life). 🙂

    How porn has affected me as a 19-year-old female.

    by Ch4rm

     

  120. How porn has affected me as a 19-year-old female

    Disclaimer: I don’t use/view porn at all. Never really have. This is a different sort of story.

    First off, this sub is phenomenal! I love reading these stories and how so many of you have begun to see the true affects of porn. It amazes me how many of you are out there. 🙂

    Anyways, I’m your average 19-year-old, first year of college, love to game. I am 5’9″ and 140lbs. (relevant, promise!) I’m by no means fat/chubby/overweight. Pretty slim, I would think.

    Well, I started dating a boy about a year ago, end of high school, had a crush on him all year. He was into gaming, loved reading, philosophical, great writer… he seemed absolutely perfect.

    The downside: Even though he didn’t masturbate or consume pornography all that much, it still had an incredibly bad impact on how he viewed me. When we first began dating, he would often tell me how I liked him more than he liked me, or fill me in on his relationships with other women (I never asked, and these things included how great their relationship was, how often they had sex… ). He would pinch the thin layer of fat on my stomach and tell me he “didn’t like that.” He would point out how sometimes the skin by the straps of my bra would squish out. He would tell me how much he wanted me to work out and how cute I’d be if I were just a little smaller. He had trouble finishing.

    I stopped eating.

    I lost ten pounds. I’m “attractive” now. But really, there’s hardly any difference. I was already thin, and this didn’t impact my body much at all.

    For the sake of brevity, when he stopped use of porn altogether, all of this changed. (Even those who don’t use porn “often” are subject to this.) He became “un-addicted,” so to speak, to the fantasy aliens of porn, and became attracted to me. His general respect for me as a person has grown. He stops treating me as if I’m “naive” and need his guidance.

    I’m one of the few who have stuck it out, and it payed off. Though I do feel the need to say that this change occurred over the course of a year, it has not been quick by any means, and this proves to me that this change is for good.

    So thanks, /r/pornfree, there are real results to quitting porn (and it extends upon just improving your own life). 🙂

    http://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/1zhlts/how_porn_has_affected_me_as_a_19yearold_female/

  121. had sex with my wife – without any loss in erection whatsoever

    Feeling relieved.  Just about two weeks into my detox.  Urges to watch porn have decreased.  I used to be up at this time edging (and would have been hours into it).  The first week of detox, I had such anxiety.  This past week has been insanely busy at work – leaving early, staying late… no time to even think about it.  I woke up this saturday morning and no urge to look at porn.  It feels quite liberating.  I know I can’t let me guard down.  All it needs is one second to slip right back in there.

    Also – and definitely more exciting/encouraging – had sex with my wife – without any loss in erection whatsoever – about ten days into the detox.  It was like looking at her for the first time again.  She was so beautiful.  I actually said ‘wow’ while undressing my wife.  Looking at the porn all the time, made seeing nude women all too commonplace.  Having not seen any skin for a week and half, she was all that I needed.

    Really encouraged and hopeful.  Sticking the course.  Kicking this habit!

    Thanks guys!

    Feel it working

  122. Rediscover SEX with Nofap (I didn’t believe in superpowers until

    Did I get your attention with sex, you horny bastards? Just kidding 🙂

    I wrote a post earlier about some amazing sex – long story short, I had about 7 separate sessions of sex ranging from about 10 min to 40 min. It was raw, real, and life changing. It completely destroyed the previous notion of my sexually lackluster self. It became less about MY orgasm and more about her pleasure and our connection. I didn’t think so much, where before I would overanalyze things – this time everything came naturally. It was a completely different experience than any sex I’ve had before. It sounds dramatic, but it was almost like being reborn. Since it happened, I’ve felt a wave of emotion and energy (after an epic sleep) like I haven’t felt in years. I was more productive with my goals today than I have been in months.

    I am becoming a firm believer that “hard mode” (with no sex) should be avoided (but don’t edge). Good, healthy sex in a committed relationship has been a huge catalyst for my escape from PMO. Even when I’m not getting any, PMO is so far from my mind. It’s like it’s no longer an option anymore, just not part of my life. Just like I wouldn’t pick up a cigarette, I won’t go to a porn site. Before this turns into a rambling, I’ll conclude by saying that if you’re not in a relationship, try hitting on girls and getting action – it will speed up your reboot, make life more interesting, and reward you on many levels.

    Disclaimer – don’t just try to get laid, go for a real connection and take it slow, otherwise your PMO addiction can easily transmute into sex addiction.

    Rediscover SEX with Nofap (I didn’t believe in superpowers until this weekend)

     

  123. My biggest benefit from NoFap: Girls are so much more beautiful

    I’m a junior in highschool and have been doing no fap off and on for the past few months now ( really aiming for 100+ days this time ) I was never really too addicted to it, I did it about once every other day. When I did do NoFap I feel a little bit more sex and social drive but nothing drastic. However one thing I’ve noticed and why I hope to never go back to fapping is that I find girls so much more attractive.

    When I watch porn It’s kinda just to imagine the perfect, almost plastic, kind of girl. No facial hair, perfect skin, big butt, big boobs. No girls in real life matched up to the idealistic expectations in my head. It’s also just a 2 dimensional visual attraction of a group of pixels as opposed to a real woman.

    On NoFap, I am attracted to woman with all my senses. I feel their feminine energy. Today, I was just kind of hanging out with my group of friends at lunch yesterday, and I looked at a girl ( who I happen to be going on a date with this Friday ) and It just hit me that she was so gorgeous. It took everything in me to stop from just going in and kissing her. Her real life figure just struck me as so much more beautiful than any two-dimensional image I’d ever see.

    Women are like magical creatures now, They just seem to have such a feminine energy that fills the air with positivity.

    My biggest benefit from NoFap: Girls are so much more beautiful now.

  124. Age 50’s – ED cured: it’s like the old days with my wife
    Before nofap I had PIED — that was a big reason I started nofap on December 15 and I have mainly been on hard mode since then. Around 60 days my wife and I had sex a few times (Valentine’s Day and all that)…

    <--break-/>” src=”/sites/all/modules/wysiwyg/plugins/break/images/spacer.gif” title=”<--break-->“></p><p>and my performance was improved, but I wasn’t where I wanted to be mentally and physically, so I went back to hard mode. For me, 60 days hard mode wasn’t enough.</p><p>I am glad I was patient about this (and that my wife also was patient and supportive). Last night we had the house to ourselves, showered, went to bed early, and just had the best sex we’ve had in years. No PIED — I was able to get hard and stay hard in her, no PE, I was able to relax and <em>enjoy her</em>. She had a great time as well, I don’t need to go into the details, but we were really connected. It was like the old days, and we’ve been married over 25 years.</p><p><strong>What was really cool is that I wasn’t using any mental tricks to stay hard, such as fantasizing about a porn actress or another woman</strong> while we were fucking. I didn’t have to. I was connected to <em>her</em>. And she didn’t have to tart herself up with makeup and special clothing to excite me. It was just her (don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against my wife making herself ever hotter by wearing something sexy, but before nofap that was <em>necessary</em> in order for me to get excited).</p><p>This opens up a whole new world of fun and intimacy (which I think had withered during our marriage in large part due to porn), and we are both so happy and pumped about it!</p><p><strong>TL;DR:</strong> If you have PIED, be patient, let your brain re-wire out of the old PMO patterns. Maybe it will take 30 days, maybe 90, maybe 150. Who knows? But if 90 days without PMO works for a 50+ old guy who has been looking at porn for decades, it could work for you too!</p><p><strong><a href=Huge 92 day benefit — great sex and no PIED!

    by nofap490

  125. Age 22 – It’s like a whole new level of sex
    …When I look back at how I was, it’s like looking back at a different person. I used to get nervous about having sex with my girlfriend because I had the constant threat of ED looming over me. I used to resist her advances and make excuses as to why we couldn’t have sex because I had either already masturbated that day and wasn’t in the mood, or because I was terrified of not being able to perform and having to suffer the shame, embarrassment, and indignity of ED.

    All that has changed. I feel like a young man should again; I’ve regained my love of sex and the thought of potential ED doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. Before I quit, I’d worry about ED every time we had sex. Now, nothing. It is such a relief having that weight off my mind. I feel like a new man.

    It’s also like suddenly finding a whole new level of sex. Like you I used to watch porn and say to myself that it’s simply making me horny and want to have sex with my girlfriend more. But once you quit porn entirely, and only focus on that one person for sexual satisfaction you realise how much you’re missing out on.

    For me the sex became much more intense. I wasn’t simply having sex because I was horny and looking to get my end away, I was having sex because of the relationship between me and this specific person and how they had aroused me and how they had made me feel.

    I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like if you watched Man vs. Food or some cooking show on tv and you see the best meal you’d ever seen. You salivate over it and dream about eating it, and then end up having some ready meal from your fridge. Yeah, you’ve dealt with your hunger, but it’s not quite the same.

    Quitting porn entirely, however, is like you’re preparing your own meal. You buy the ingredients, you prepare them, you touch them and get a feel for them. It’s harder work for sure, but you get the satisfaction of cooking. You get the satisfaction of smelling those ingredients, watching them come together, and at the end you have a beautiful dish that you have created. It’s not some meal that you’ve seen somewhere and aren’t going to realistically eat anytime soon. It’s your dish, in your kitchen, that you have made. It’s just so satisfying….

    Age 22 – ED cured: I feel like a young man should again

  126. The change in my sex life.

    I used to have sex maybe once or twice a week. Random hookups things were always getting freakier and freakier.

    Early on in nofap, met an amazing girl. Am dating her now, sex is frequent. Once or twice a day (depends on schedule) and it’s different too. I used to act like porn showed me. Now it’s “vanilla” and “boring” but from mine and hers perspective it’s amazing, emotional, and the best sex of our lives. It made me realize how much I was missing sex as an emotional connection as well as a physical connection of two people’s bodies. Rather than just the physical like you see in porn.

    It made me appreciate what we all go through to find ourselves. I’ve found a piece of me through nofap and I’m grateful for that. Hopefully I can learn many more things about myself.

    Just my thoughts for the day, happy easter nofappers!!

    The change in my sex life.

     

  127. From Age 20 – I wasn’t
    From Age 20 – I wasn’t confident, lacked social skills, really self conscious. All of that has changed.

    First, I’ll discuss what this endeavor has done for my penis sensitivity, sex drive, and arousal patterns.

    • Penis Sensitivity – After years of fapping 5-12x per week to pornography, my penis was wore out. The dopamine felt good, but orgasms had lost their novelty. I’d have to death grip to harness sensation and go at it rather furiously sometimes. After a couple months when I started meeting women and having sex again I couldn’t cum wearing a condom and I could barely even feel blowjobs. Obviously this was embarrassing. Not only was there not enough friction but it felt like the “wrong” type of stimulation. Six months later I have no performance issues of any kind. Sex is now 20x more fulfilling than masturbation. I laugh at myself when I fap on occasion and am left a bit disappointed.
    • Sex Drive – Fapping 5-12x a week obviously had my sex drive way out of control. I thought it was normal, but the truth is that I was a dopamine junkie. I’d sneak away to fap at work, at school, visiting with family, sometimes even during time with friends. It was pathetic and very sad. After months of weening myself, I only desire orgasms 1-3x a week. Granted, I’m happy to have sex a couple more times than that if things are escalating when I’m around a girl. It takes foreplay for me to reach my peak arousal now and my partners absolutely love that.
    • Arousal Patterns – As any porn junkie knows, the more porn you watch, the more you need and the more hardcore porn you need to feel fully aroused. At my worst I was dabbling into occasional bestiality, frequent incest scenes, or else always another hardcore type of porn. I deplore the thought of the vast majority of that junk now. Actual vaginal sex was never too arousing for me. Oral or other types of non-vaginal sex were way more appealing. They made the woman just a pleasure-giving object. After months of “mental detox”, if you will, and multiple real-life partners, I’ve lost my fixation to alternative types of sex. I’m actually attracted to vaginas now. Sounds funny, doesn’t it? I still enjoy other types of sex on occasion, but the intimacy of being inside of a woman is second-to-none. Seriously, it’s way, way more sexy now. This is obviously a win-win in real life.

  128. I’m known as the “unrealistic-high-standards-on-chicks” guy

    I’m known as the “unrealistic-high-standards-on-chicks” guy among my friends, yet I hardly score

    After 40 days, I’m approaching more girls than ever, not -only- for their looks, but the way they are and what they talk about.

    Before, girls weren’t special, they were “just ok”, my brain wanted unrealistic whores, and it’s just now that I’ve realized how many years I wasted chasing fantasy relations instead of being happy with what life was giving me (which, in hindsight, were some of the nicest girls I’ve met, yet I moved on to continue the useless search…)

    Don’t be stupid, stop fapping and get aquaintanced with the real world

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/23jlbf/for_those_skeptical_ones_read_this/cgxocv2
     

  129. Comment from another forum
    What my wife and I have discovered the past year is that during lovemaking we feel like we become each others sex god/goddess! It sounds silly talking about it, but at the moment its what we feel and we tell each other such.

    I was hooked on porn for 35 years and experienced orgasms while looking at and fantasizing about many thousands of model perfect women. It certainly effected the way I perceived the beauty of my wife, since it is natural to compare. Since discovering the concept of Karezza, I found that I lost most of my interest in porn. (I say most because a part of me is still curious about it, but not enough to actually pursue it). Now when I’m making love with my wife I find myself fascinated by every square inch of her 43 year old, mother of 3 body! The so-called imperfections become character marks, and every blemish and wrinkle is a delight, and this sincere acceptance of her body just feeds into the wonderful energy in which we are enveloped.

    Not allowing frequent orgasm to sabotage my fascination with her has allowed my brain to redefine what a perfect body is. My definition of perfect is those things that are unique to her, including all her so-called “flaws”. Those things are the good stuff! Here’s a quote from the movie Good Will Hunting:

    Quote:

    “Sean: My wife used to fart when she was nervous. She had all sorts of wonderful little idiosyncrasies. She used to fart in her sleep. I thought I’d share that with you. One night it was so loud it woke the dog up. She woke up and went ‘ah was that you?’ And I didn’t have the heart to tell her. Oh!
    Will: She woke herself up?
    Sean: Ah…! But Will, she’s been dead for 2 years, and that’s the shit I remember: wonderful stuff you know? Little things like that. Those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that’s what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they’re not. Ah, that’s the good stuff.

    The fact that your lover doesn’t fit the Hollywood stereotyped formula for what beauty is irrelevant when you are in Love.

  131. 180 days – my addiction still haunts me and my sex life

    Finally found a steady middle ground without porn and with a great SO. We don’t always have sex 20 times a day like I’m used to, and so without stimulation, I’m like a speed demon in the sack. I last maybe a minute, unless it’s # 3-4 that day. What a bummer.

    I take care of her first so it’s not too horrible, but I’m just still not accustomed to having none of my sexual edge taken off. Also, I find myself drifting into porn-think from the moment I get turned on until we actually have sex. It’s frustrating, but I’m still so programed to think of women as “always game” that I can’t quite get past the expectation that I can just get off, whenever, without putting in the work.

    So 160 some days since my last viewing, and my old habits still own my mind. The improvements are amazing, and I am so much healthier, and I have a lot further to go. Keep supporting one another out there. Have patience with yourself. This is a long road. I’m proud to be walking it with you.

    Getting out there toward 180, and yet, my addiction still haunts me and my sex life. Get away from it friends. Recovery is a long road.

  132. “I don’t even fear the idea of becoming exclusive with someone”
    Getting rid of O entirely (hard-mode I believe) wasn’t a viable option, I meet a lot of girls through both my work and social circle, however since quitting the P, for the first time in absolutely years I am showing an interest in these girls beyond their bodies, in fact I don’t even fear the idea of becoming exclusive with someone. I now no longer look for the most beautiful girl in the room, but the most interesting, the most intriguing, I’m slowly being pulled out of my shallow shell.

    http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/age-22-proactive-social-energetic-confident-all-my-friends-co-workers-have-noticed

  133. Sees girls differently
    I recently got a girlfriend and I had prior been skeptical of all the superpowers, cold-showers, meditation, “powers with women,” PUA talk and other elements of this sub-reddit that didn’t appeal as much to me. I thought that there was a lot of subtle bragging going on and didn’t really get into nofap with the girlfriend issue in mind. I’m not sure if i’d characterize the change as increased confidence or anything different but my perception changed from sexualizing my relationships with women to seeing them more as authentic relationships (see above). That might sound lame and Dr. Phil-esque but it’s amazing when you like a girl because of how you feel when you are around her rather than what you think she’d look like without clothes on. It’s a subtle change but it’s better than any “superpower” that comes with increased confidence in my opinion.

    …

    I feel much less anxious now–part of it might be because school is done but I also don’t feel as often what I described above. Before I’d feel lonely and like I was missing out on something but now the nature of my contentment has changed. PMO always has you chasing that greater rush – a more beautiful girl, a better scene, something different than what you’ve seen before. My life isn’t perfect now but I don’t feel like I’m grasping for something that I can’t reach anymore. It’s hard to explain but I feel like PMO doesn’t have a limit on what you are chasing. Now I feel like I’m still chasing my goals, but I’m happy if I can do the best I can to reach as close to them as I can. I still might not be able to reach them but I feel like there is something genuinely enjoyable in the act of reaching that wasn’t there before.

    90 Days! Many points

  134. Drastic improvement in sex life after quitting porn
    [Experts claiming porn can’t cause problems are] frustrating especially for those of us who’ve had PIED and we’ve reversed it simply by stopping PMO. Yet we are apparently supposed to wait for some official scientific study before we are allowed to use common sense and recognize that porn caused our erection problems.

    My experience also confirms that getting rid of a porn problem can totally help your marriage. My wife and I have the best sex we’ve ever had since I stopped PMO. It’s a drastic difference, and I didn’t need a psychologist’s advice or even to talk that much about the problem. I just had to give up my stupid addiction to porn.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/29tqz5/i_got_to_talk_about_my_porn_induced_ed_on_tv_then/cioumc7

  138. Used to have to think of porn in order to orgasm with wife
    I have had regular sex through all my marriage (6 years now), but have always found that unless the sex is especially good I had to think of P in order to O in my wife, and found that about 5% of the time that I couldn’t finish at all. Now though I don’t think about this at all, just enjoy the time with her. It’s almost like starting over and learning sex again, it can be such a different with a clear mind not clouded by P.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2j4ih6/first_post_here_but_long_time_benefactor_of_this/

  139. I no longer want to f*** her

    Instead, I want to LOVE her.

    NoFap changed the way I look at girls I know IRL. It makes me want to connect with them emotionally, get to know to them better, feel what they feel, tell them what I feel. It’s not about “Damn, I’d give anything to f*** her” anymore. It’s way more than that. I feel so at ease when interacting with these certain girls now as opposed to before NoFap I won’t even compare it. I suppose it really is all about changing your perception of women.

    I no longer want to f*** her

     

  140. I feel more attracted to real women’s bodies.

    It’s paradoxical what’s happening to me. I feel more attracted to real women’s bodies. The imperfections don’t matter as much anymore. I find so much more beauty in women than before. But I also have the increased balls and self control to act with women as people. No more shirking away in quiet inferiority. I’m more attracted, but I also have more self-control. It’s a beautiful paradox. I love it.

    Sexual attraction is changing…

     

  141. One month no porn

    It’s paradoxical what’s happening to me. I feel more attracted to real women’s bodies. The imperfections don’t matter as much anymore. I find so much more beauty in women than before. But I also have the increased balls and self control to act with women as people. No more shirking away in quiet inferiority. I’m more attracted, but I also have more self-control. It’s a beautiful paradox. I love it.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2kr4pa/sexual_attraction_is_changing/

  142. 26days = some of best sex ever!

    26days = some of best sex ever!

    Well I’ve gone 26 days now after going just a week at a time for ages, I’ve had some amazing sex with my gf of 8 months, not amazing in a porn style way, but very loving very emotional and feeling great. We’d sex 4 times this week, 2 of them were amazing, 2 were more the normal just felt good. It seemed to come out of nowhere the amazing sex. But really it was the lack of porn I’m sure. I wondered did I just think it was very different and gf didn’t, but nope, gf that it was very different and amazing too, which makes it all the better. So keep up the kicking porn in the nuts folks!

  143. Getting attracted to v**ina for the first time in my life!
    I am 26 and I was so deep deep into those weird fetishes since a long time that I could never see a v*gina as something attractive. Couldn’t get myself to lick those ever, not even touch, unless I was too drunk or something. Naturally, I never had good sex, or get turned on with just plain vanilla things. Imagine how my partner would have felt when getting intimate.

    Fast forward now. I saw a picture of v–gina somehow, and just found it so beautiful and attractive. I couldn’t keep myself from looking up more pictures. I can’t still believe that happened, and SO f*cking happy right now.

    Wow, those little things are beautiful! Just beautiful! Where had I been all these years? tears of happiness

    http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/age-26-porn-induced-ed-healed-i-did-not-need-any-fantasies-or-imagination-keep-it

  145. You can come back again (divorced due to porn)

    So, I’ve had a big problem with porn all my life. My best friend introduced me to it back in high school and I was a geeky, nerdy kid so I remember spending hours trying to download GIFs from my 1200 baud modem and hiding it from my dad (side note: my parents approach to just tell me its bad without ever explaining why DOESN’T work. You also have to assume your kids are smarter than you — if they want to do something you don’t approve, they will do it).

    My relationship with porn predated any real relationship I had with women. It didn’t really affect how I treated women, but it treated how I treated SEX. And the bottom line is I preferred sex with no judgement and on demand rather than the ups and downs of real sex.

    So while I had no reservations about having ‘sex’ before marriage I remember how piss poor it was and how I almost immediately went back to porn. Didn’t have sex on the wedding night, and then for fourteen years I would dread my weekly sex night with my (now ex) wife, making up excuses to avoid it, and then instead wanting to go to the other room and find some porn to jack off to.

    While this wasn’t the only problem in my relationship, in hindsight it was a huge portion of it — probably 90%. And its not even the lack of sex, it really was the lack of intimacy. And while at the time I was floored when my (now ex) wife asked for a divorce, right now I’ll think why the hell did she wait that long, why did I allow it?

    So during the divorce proceedings I did see a marriage counselor who correctly diagnosed my issues with porn. But I still ignored it, especially since I was newly single for the first time in twenty years, and porn was the comfortable thing I’ve known my whole life.

    And then I met a perfect girl, and we had sex. And it was so frustrating. It went poorly again. But this time, I wasn’t going to just assume ‘that’s the way it is’. I needed to figure out what was wrong, because I had assumed with my ex-wife that ‘sex wasn’t necessary if you have love’ or some bullshit like that. I now knew that a happy, fulfilling sex life was a requirement for a long term relationship.

    That’s when I came across the nofap and pornfree forums and read some stories about people just like me. And it’s been a LONG road with relapses in between, but I have been trying to give up porn and fap for nearly a year. The current girlfriend knows about my problem and has been supportive.

    Since I’ve been trying to give up both, I’ve had much better sex (not perfect by any means) and been able to orgasm with her (I never did with my ex-wife). And the long and short of it is that I am engaged again, with this time a healthy sex life without porn and fap as part of the plan.

    tl;dr First relationship of nearly twenty years rotted from inside due to PMO addiction and led to divorce. Was able to turn it around and build a new relationship (** I’m ENGAGED **) after giving up PMO.

    So for those who feel like you are at a low point, a lot of us have been there. You can turn it around, no matter where you are.

    – You can come back again (divorced due to porn)

  146. My view of women

    … I have left probably the most significant point until last.

    Firstly, with all the overly-sexualised girls out of my head, I’m finally seeing clearly for the first time. I’ve started to find girls attractive that I’d usually never even think about getting with because of the way the act, and their personalities, regardless of their looks.

    When talking about this to a friend a few weeks ago, he asked me what I meant by this, so I replied something along the lines of this;

    If there were two girls standing next to each other, who would be considered by many as a ten and a seven, if the ten was frowning, and the seven was smiling, I’d be more inclined to talk and interact with the seven regardless of how attractive the ten was.

    It’s really quite crazy because I pay little attention to the actual figure of a girl, and more attention to their gestures and attitude.

    It’s also been a lot easier to talk to girls, I didn’t have much of a problem before, but nowadays I can start a conversation with a chick about absolutely anything without worrying about what she thinks of me. All of the stigma about sex has just faded away, and I see girls as just another person to talk to about anything, rather than someone I need to impress.

    Some would say that my confidence has risen, but I actually think it’s my ego that has been broken down and reprogrammed, along with my interpretation of everything to do with girls; it’s amazing. …

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunctions/what-experts-tell-guys-suffering-from-pied-the-good-the-bad/

  147. Comment on forum

    Ever since I started NoFap, the intensity of my O’s have multiplied. I mean wow. There has been more intimacy and fun in bed then there ever was before. I am still tempted everyday to open up the computer and do the deed. It’s not worth it. My new-found quality of O’s are worth it enough not to PMO.

    Only thing is, that i can no longer last as long as I used to but its not a problem with my gf anyway. She still gets hers and I get mine. She might actually prefer it.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2pxadn/day_31_my_benefits_and_experiences/

  148. PIED update: SO: “I think you were finally able to relax”

    I have battled on and off ED since I first began being sexually active like 10 yrs ago. I always attributed it to condoms, nerves, performance anxiety or whatever, but continued daily PMO. it has put strains on various relationships and generally sucked for both myself and my SO.

    Anyway, I have noticed some good results physically since starting NoFap but last night after a solid 80 day streak I got some real good feedback with her saying those words. Since giving up PMO I am able to be present and in the moment more, and not worry about whats going right or wrong but just feel and experience the touch, warmth and feeling of another human being. No more searching my memory for various “moves” and sequences I’ve seen on pornhub and wondering if its now time to go from one position to the next. Instead of some performance where I play the role of some character in a porno, I can just be myself and enjoy the person next to me.

    Keep it up fellow fapstronauts. I started this to get physical changes with ED, but I am realizing a change in my mentality, which has been even more rewarding. Whatever it is you are battling, change will happen if you keep working at it.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2q3o6r/pied_update_so_i_think_you_were_finally_able_to/

  150. College sophomore

    I also look at women a bit differently now. Before I used to think that each woman I saw was a fantasy object for my head, but now I look at women as people and as someone I’d like to get to know and have a good time with. When I try to make new female friends, I now think about just being a good friend to them instead of trying to maybe get in their pants someday or finding out something lewd about them so I can jerk to it later.

    God damn that was disgusting behavior and I’m glad I’m over that. I’m also not really thinking about sex anymore. As a college sophomore, I have better things to think about than sex all the time.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2tmlwn/havent_fapped_in_over_a_month_now_heres_what_ive/

  151. Day 130 and still making progress

    After 3 months of nofap I was still unable to cum from a blowjob, only from sexual intercourse. Well Eventually I Was able to cum from a blowjob but only if I was doing the thrusting. I could not just lay back and get a blowjob to completion. Well 4+ months into my journey I can tell you I am still making progress as Now I can cum from a blowjob without me doing anything.

    I’ve been orgasming with my partner by various means about once or twice a week for the past 4 months. In my old life I would PMO everyday. I would have 120 orgasms that all felt weak as fuck.

    Now, I am with my partner and 1 orgasm feels better than 120 PMO orgasms combined; I’ve been having 1 or 2 of these orgasms a week for the past 4 months!

    Day 130 and still making progress.

  152. Finally a way back to being a man

    So about a week before my girlfriend came home I found this site and started. I only took half a cialis this weekend (no surprises I have been chomping that shit for years) and almost wore her out shagging. I felt totally different, could actually feel she was there. Only 10 days and my desire for her has increased incredibly.

    Ex tranny finds freedom from fetish

  153. How can a girl show no signs of sexual attraction for 2 years

    I Have had strong feelings for my best friend/ housemate for two years and was 99% sure she was not sexually attracted to me, she has actually said

    “I’m not sexually attracted to you” in those words.]

    Although we have a seriously strong friendship, people almost think we’re a couple.

    We were on a night out a few days and my mate told me that she had just said she fancies me, so I made a move and we ended up doing everything but sex. She came into my room a few days later and tried to sleep with me ( she was too drunk)

    Anyway the crazy thing in our chats the next day I asked how long she has been thinking this way about me, 2 weeks was her reply. I started no fap 3 weeks before this moment, this shit must be linked.

    How can a girl show no signs of sexual attraction for 2 years and then suddenly want everything a week after starting no fap ? There is some serious science behind this movement, it is honestly almost magical !

    Its going to be hard for us two considering we live together, but I know there is something special there

    Something Crazy but Magical has happened !

  154. “NoFap isn’t just for me”

    NoFap taught me to value women, it opened my eyes to how poor my relationship with the opposite gender and sex was and how this is prevalent throughout a lot of our society.

    I don’t think my first girlfriend would have happened if the promise of sex wasn’t involved. I feel horrible for saying this and it doesn’t completely surmise the issues our relationship had, however my goal to lose my virginity and “get laid” led to a relationship where during our free time all I would think about is having sex or how to get her into wanting to have sex. This was all under the premise of achieving awesome manpower/orgasm-inducing ploughing that porn taught me was how you have “great sex.” To this day I am horrifically sorry for treating her that way. To make matters worse I did this under the premise of me being the nice guy = me getting the girl/getting sex.

    Since then I have come a long way. I have been with several other people romantically, both with and without sex and have had the opportunity to learn more from their personalities and the subsequent experiences.

    I have been with a girl who, whilst wanted to have a casual hook up when drunk, was incredibly nervous and rushy. I stopped her and we talked through it, slowed down a little. From the experience and her responses I guess a combination of other guys perceptions and maybe some casual talk on sex combined with her lack of many previous partners led her to viewing sex as a rushed check list in order not to disappoint. After talking she thanked me and I could see she was relieved – what happened after was…! Lets just say relaxed, comfortable people have better sex.

    Another person I have been with non-sexually feels lost because of the way men treat her. She is incredibly intelligent, insightful and has a lot of joy in life – however she is also beautiful. As such guys aim to get her into bed, girls gossip whenever she is friendly with guys and she’s had her trust betrayed.

    It is true, girls can be friendly for the sake of being friendly – because they’re human hurrrduur. But they can also be flirty, cheeky and look gorgeous. That doesn’t mean they want to have sex, or that they’re even doing it for anyone else. I’m learning to appreciate the moment as it is occurring, without pre-empting or anticipating sex.

    This was a bit of a rant/vent of my experience but what I have learnt so far:

    • it’s not all about sex, even if it does get flirty
    • Communication and respect are paramount, be transparent and open whilst remembering to treat women as beings that have their own wants, fears, needs and hopes
    • we need to treat the women in our lives and those that will come into our lives better

  155. “I Hated Women and Loved Porn”

    I hated women.

    I believed women were playthings – and not very good ones. Not compared to porn.

    I read all the game blogs – the more extreme the commentary, the more I liked it… I’d throw some in myself.

    I knew I was developing a problem. The normal stuff wasn’t doing it anymore. I moved to rougher porn. The more degrading – the better.

    “All women are sluts, and they deserved it,” I told myself.

    I needed to convince myself that what I thought about women was true. That I was right to hate them.

    “They’re all sluts – look what that girl’s doing!”

    I needed to see them at their lowest – lower than animals.

    I needed to see it.

    I needed to see it to really hate them.

    Porn was the ticket. With porn, I could find the proof that I needed.

    Over and over I’d reinforce my most disgusting beliefs. Feed my toxic thoughts.

    Over and over.

    Deeper and deeper into the fog.

    Then I discovered this subreddit. I knew you were right. I was addicted. I was sick. I quit porn and masturbation cold.

    Within three weeks, the fog cleared.

    It hit me. I had been a fool. I had stuffed my mind with poisonous thoughts: “women are worthless”, “never get married”, “pump ’em and dump ’em”, and worse. I had lived too long under the fog. I was a psycho. I had gone too far… Too far…

    One night, I wept bitterly.

    But it was liberating.

    A few weeks after I hit the bottom, I asked a girl out and we started dating.

    I love her.

    …yet, I am still disgusted with myself. You see, I knew her back when I was under the fog. I didn’t ask her out then. It was though my mind refused to believe she was even real.

    She didn’t fit the narrative. She was kind and smart and wanted to start a family.

    That’s not what I wanted to believe women could be.

    All girls are trash who worship celebrities and the latest iPhone. Pump ’em and dump ’em. Don’t get married, it’ll just end in divorce. Women sleep with anyone – just look at porn!

    …I was lost.

    Lost in the fog.

    Fellow men – know this. You can destroy your chances of happiness. Your own addictive habits and bitterness will be your poison.

    I still keep a generous dose of realism about women, but I’m blessedly free of hatred. I understand now. The fog has cleared.

    The fog has cleared.

    What you are doing here is changing lives…

    It changed mine. I Hated Women and Loved Porn

     

  156. Had sex first time after being on NoFap and hell it was awesome!

    26 yo male. Been fapping for 11 years. Untill exactly before 30 days from now, I stumbled on NoFap. Went through my longest NoFap (23 day long) streak starting from the same day. Relapsed to porn. No Binge-relapse however. Felt bad. Not like shit though. I had 23 days on my report card 🙂

    Today after 7 days of my second NoFap innings, I had sex and I did not have to think of any women while doing it. I felt the connection while doing it. The smoothness of her touch is unparalleled against any feeling of being aroused by seeing photoshopped pixels on internet.

    The sheer feeling was so so soothing. Wow! I can wait for 90 days or more to have one such sex.

    Unbelievable what NoFap can do to you.

    I have a question for you guys, how is having real sex so different from fapping? I felt tired after sex but it was really relaxing tiredness of sorts. Nothing like the feeling that I get after masturbation!

    Wish you all the fapstronauts, very best in your endeavors!

    Had sex first time after being on NoFap and hell it was awesome!!!

     

  157. A recovered husband speaks

    Until I was caught I didn’t admit to myself that porn was the problem and never connected my sex life to the time I was wasting online. I hurt my wife badly and the pain I watched he go through bothers me now more than it did before and I wish that I could go back and fix everything. I struggled with empathy during my recovery and now I struggle with forgiving my selfishness. I am more confident now than I was during my porn usage and I honestly think that my wife is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, porn stars included. It’s difficult to explain how or when that opinion changed but it’s made me happy.

    I am the wife of an ex-porn addict. He claimed his ED was a “medical condition”. This is my story, AMA

  158. Hey guys , I enjoyed sex for the first time yesterday!

    I’m a week and a half in of no fap and porn and I enjoyed sex yesterday! I normally last 5 minutes and I enjoy finishing. But yesterday was the first time I’ve lasted 30 minutes hard the whole time enjoying the whole time! It was more of a bonding loving sexual experience vs, a guilty selfish pleasure. I’m in it for the long run, I feel no need to go back. Keep up the good work guys ! its worth it and I can tell already!

    Hey guys , I enjoyed sex for the first time yesterday!

  159. Fantasies changing tone

    Hey guys, two weeks clean here. I feel more confident in myself, and I have more of a drive to get things done.

    However, I still fantasize about beautiful women I used to fap to whenever my mind wanders at work. As opposed to before where I fantasized about wild sex with them, this time I noticed my fantasies mostly go as far as a romantic date or just kissing.

    I think this is because I’m not as desensitized to women anymore, with nofap I actually crave meeting real women which gives me a motivation to improve myself and get out there.

    I can’t thank you guys enough for raising awareness of the dangers of being a slave to fapping.

    Fantasies have gotten more mild and romantic

     

  160. Husband saves the day

    We had our first kid 8 months ago. In the last 12 months my wife and I have had sex once or twice. It’s kind of painful for her, I often couldn’t get an erection and I also get pain cause of a medical issue. After writing this post I’m gonna do my best to sort out the medical issue cause her pain will go away once we are a bit more regular again. We are both often tired as our baby keeps us awake a lot (teething yay) and doesn’t have very long sleeps (could wake up at any moment).

    The reasons above make initiating sex difficult as we might fool around and I just can’t get it up. Then we are like… ok.. we tried and that’s it. Then later down the track I’ll forget that feeling and have an opportunity to view porn and just do it without thinking. Then the next time I think we could try for sex I doubt my ability to get it up even more. The last few times my ED wasn’t there and it was good but I’ve since had some repornification of the brain and may have thrown away the months of rewiring.

    I PMOd today. I lapse every few weeks/months. Thankfully I didn’t binge today (2 or 3 times), just once and then googled how to quit porn. Each time I do this, I find it hard to kiss my wife or tell her I love her because I feel like (and am) basically cheating on her with online images. Porn loves to play on my guilty conscience and promise it an escape but it just drives the wedge further into my life.

    Gotta break the cycle and get back into having a sex life with my wife again. I know that this doesn’t fix the porn cravings (I remember in the past having sex with my wife in the night and then looking at porn the next day) but it is a good expression of my oneness with my wife and will help us be a good unit. I’m pretty keen to get back that intimacy we used to have and the intimacy I owe her as her husband. She shouldn’t have to live with someone that feels distant from her, she married me as the ultimate expression of intimacy.

    If anyone has thoughts or ideas I would love to hear them. Thanks

    ADVICE on forum:

    Watch this: http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

    Daily affection will be very helpful: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/the-lazy-way-to-stay-in-love

    Inspiration: http://yourbrainonporn.com/guys-who-gave-porn-sex-and-romance

    [8 days later] Aww yiss. No P or M for a week.

    Slept with wife twice in the last week (which before it was twice in one year since we had a kid). Neither of us experienced pain like we were before. Got hard easily both times, the second time I asked her about something and it started fading but then just got back to business and was all good.

    Wife is on board with all the nofap and getting intimate stuff. Has been doing more hugging/ kissing throughout the day compared to normal which is really cool for me. My ‘love language’ is totally physical touch so feeling a lot better.

    Thanks for the couple of people who made helpful comments a week ago.

     

  161. Most of girls look somehow pretty

    Do you experience it too? Few days without PMO, MO etc.. and most of girls are somehow pretty and more interesting and it doesn’t matter how they actually look like??? somehow I’m in my 5th Nofap attempt during last two months and now I really don’t want to loose feeling like this.

    the_goldenpony

    I’m on day 20 now and have definitely noticed that many women are looking more attractive to me. The fake porn shit is slowly leaving my system, allowing me to see true beauty.

    Turlast

    Yes. Girls I’d often not be into began to look more attractive to me. It’s unbelievable.

    LellowJack

    17 days in and I feel that they’re prettier indeed, also before I would tell myself that I only diserved uglygirls but I realised I’m an handsome young boy and pretty girls are into me

    cloudyzack

    Definitely. It’s fantastic when you go out on the pull, everywhere is like being in Scandinavia!

    Most of girls look somehow pretty

  162. New awesome benefit!!

    you may have seen alot of fapstronauts talk about how they are getting
    more attention from woman around their 7th day usually. Now I have been
    going to the gym for 2 and a half years and have gotten a pretty
    asethetic body now and i think i look better than the adverage guy for
    sure and i focus on energy work and being grounded so i have always
    gotten stares from girls or them checking me out. However it was always
    hard to approach and if i did i would project a weird vibe most of the
    time and i could see the loss in attraction.
    however im getting girls approaching me now, speaking to me out of no
    where, girls that i would see at work all the time that wouldnt say
    anything and now they are saying high and just showing a different vibe
    and its awesome.

    im also expirenceing the “not giving a fuck” attitude
    that everyone talks about. ive always been like that but now i just
    feel like im not filterling myself and whatever i say i just own it. i
    never feel weird for saying something and it is so liberating!
    oh btw this is my 8th day so far and im loving every day. waking up with
    more energy, dont need as much sleep, super foucsed its amazing. i hope
    this message serves as some extra motivation, good luck fellow
    fapstronauts 🙂

    New awesome benefit!!

  163. Many porn acts are actually not pleasurable in real life.

    One of the things i’ve come to realize since giving up fapping to porn is how unpleasurable some of the acts we see in porn actually are IRL. And that those acts’ sole intention is to shock the viewer. During recent sex where I tried some of the things that I’ve seen in porn out of habit, i finally realized how unenjoyable they really were to both parties. I used to think seeing porn actually made me a better lover because I knew what kinds of things I could do to “impress”. But now I’m starting to discover what real sex is supposed to be like and I’ve got to say its much more enjoyable when it isn’t as “perverted” as I thought it should be. It really is about discovering the each other.

    Many porn acts are actually not pleasurable in real life. Trying to erase porn’s influence on real sex.

  164. Does anyone else notice that ALL girls become hotter

    As someone who successfully transcended urges for sensual pleasures, I have very little sexual urge during NoFap. However I have observed that ALL girls have become more attractive as a whole, I’d say they’ve all gone up by 3 points on the x/10 scale of physical attractiveness. Girls that I previously considered ugly are now tolerable at the least.

    Another observation: When I was deep in my PMO addiction, girls wearing revealing clothes (tight shirt or booty shorts) didn’t even faze me, but now I can’t stop taking glances. Like my dopamine sex system got more sensitive.

    Does anyone else notice that ALL girls become hotter/more eye-catching during NoFap?

  165. I understand romance now.

    Funny thing is happening during my reboot. I had a dream last night where I was in Earnest Shackleton’s hut on the Weddel Sea in Antarctica. Me and this beautiful brown-haired girl were holding hands. A sputtering tallow candle threw our jittering shadows across the wall behind us. Suddenly she leans into me and rests her head on my shoulder. An electric feeling goes through my body, and we just sit their, cuddling. It was better than sex. it was romance.

    The dream made me think. I’ve read Jane Austen, Jayne Eyre, watched countless romantic anime, but I’ve never understood them. I never understood how a stolen glance, a brush of the fingers, could be so enticing. I never understood the worth of holding hands, or going on dates. I never understood why characters would create elaborate dreams of their future with the person they loved. I never understood the hope, the debilitating shyness, the overwhelming feeling of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone.

    I guess I never felt these things because for the most part relationships have always been about sex. Hugging, kissing, holding hands together and that kind of stuff were kind of boring compared to the ultimate reward: sex. So for the most part I always interpreted romantic stories as two people trying to figure out how best to get the other person in bed. But that is not the complete sum of relationships at all.

    Love is about intimacy. It is about meeting each other at the most vulnerable level. It means opening yourself up completely to someone so that they can see you for who you really are and still love you. It is about two spirits coming together and merging into one, shining so much more brighter for their union. Love makes demands upon the lover and the loved. Your beloved dreams, joys and sorrows become your own, and yours theirs.

    It seems pretty simple, but really it is earth shattering. it is such a different feeling to understand how you could want someone for more than just sex. How you could completely want someone. How you could want someone to hold your hand when you take your last breath, someone to enjoy the adventures of life with while you still have time.

    So yeah, that’s pretty much all I had to say. That I didn’t understand romance literature until I started rebooting. Funny thing how my reboot is effecting my interpretation of classical literature. It is sobering to think that something our ancestors would have understood easily we struggle with because PMO has taught us that relationships are about mutual objectification.

    I understand romance now.

  167. A young woman explains the effects of her boyfriend’s porn use

    Personally, I do not struggle with porn addiction. I’m a 17 year old girl with a pretty low libido, but I’ve struggled with drugs and self harm in the past, so I can understand the mindset. In fact, I’ve been indirectly affected by porn addiction myself.

    When I was 13 – 14, a boy that I had been dating (who was 14 – 15 at the time) decided that he wanted to play out some “porn fantasies” with me. I had never watched porn and I didn’t know what he meant, since I’d never gone farther than kissing. Needless to say, I was a bit shocked and completely at a loss as to why he would want to be so /violent/ towards me. I tried telling him that it was OK if we did some touchy feely stuff, but he was taking it too far. Unfortunately, he continued.

    He would keep violating my boundaries with each incident, too; it’s as if he was looking for more than I could give him, so he’d fashion me into a makeshift pornstar so that he could get off.

    It cut my self esteem to its roots and I developed a bit of a self harm habit. The worst part was that I was too humiliated to tell anyone about it. The first time he linked me porn to watch I felt sick to my stomach; there was nothing “sexy” about some obviously strung out girl being pounded by a disembodied dick. I was shocked to find out that a lot of guys were into this kind of stuff.

    So, after finally breaking things off with this guy, I stayed away from the opposite sex. In fact, I’d sort of developed a bit of a fear of teenage boys and younger men. I tried to avoid anything involving sex, as I assumed that it would always involve this porn-style humiliation. I never knew if the guy eyeballing me from across the room was a threat or not – the thought of some stranger fantasizing about me was alarming. To be honest, I definitely had a “all men are pigs” complex.

    However, finding this sub has felt like a HUGE load off my shoulders (no pun intended). I am so glad to see that there are guys out there who do not casually accept the fantasy of porn as reality. The motivation some of you have for self-betterment and a better quality of life is inspiring. I wish you all luck in your journeys and I hope it treats you well 🙂 girls will be lucky to have you!

    LINK – thank you!

    by Quartzen

    COMMENTS by other forum members under her post:

    I am glad you liked our community. I found this sub through YouTube and it has changed me. By the way I am curious about what’s going on with this generation, especially millennials. Adult content is what it is – “adult content”. Something that only adults are supposed to consume. Sadly little kids are becoming victims of porn addiction. Blame the accessibility. I am sorry to hear what your boyfriend did to you. And I am even sadder to hear that you had drug abuse and self harm issues before. That’s very disturbing since you are only 17. This kind of raises many red flags about the direction in which little children are moving. In my opinion at least kids must wait till they are of driving age before they start exploring sexuality. There is a level of mental maturity required in any act. Anyway good that you are out of the issues that bothered you in the past. permalink

    Aw. You’re the best. Thank you for saying all that.

    I think you’re story is ultra sad but I bet it’s more common than we realize. Porn turns men into monsters. Women too. Some of the women on this sub report devaluing their partners as well. It’s awful.

    But you can get free of it. You can change. I’m so different than I was. Every time I think about it and how far I’ve come I start crying, I’m so thankful. Thank you for your post, you deserve a great guy! permalink

    ” finding this sub has felt like a HUGE load off my shoulders (no pun intended).” i consider myself very lucky for finding this sub too and being part of it is a blessing.you should realize that people(men) ain’t the same we are deferent in every way, i hope(and i wish) you find someone who will treat you like you deserve to be treated,one whos fighting this addiction,cause porn gives you some stupid fantancy shit thoughts,and you can only realise that when you stopped wanking for like 10days or so, after the fog has lifted. permalink

    It’s strange… I DO feel like I was one of the guys you described in the post at one point… However, I really feel recovered thanks to NoFap!

    My only hope is that it isn’t too late in today’s society for me to find an innocent and caring girl, because so many girls nowadays have been with a guy (like who I used to be) previously and have kind of been ruined by them in a way. permalink

    This is the nicest thing I’ve heard in a while, and one of the biggest motivations to continue. Women are not objects and what we’ve done to them is inexcusable. I’m proud to be a part of these guys and to give wonderful women like you the chance to meet a guy who will treat you right. permalink

  168. NoFap changed my perspective of women

    I am now since first of january a PMO free man. The biggest change I am noticing so far is that my look at ladies is very different. I look them in the eye instead of eye-banging there tits and asses. Besides that, some fetishes I had disappeared. I really like women now, not for the sex, but to talk to or to love. God bless nofap

    NoFap changed my perspective of women

  169. Any of you nofappers change your attitude towards casual sex
    Any of you nofappers change your attitude towards casual sex after going on a long streak?

    The more you fap, I think the more likely you are to want your real sex to be casual. In a way, PMO is like the ultimate form of casual sex. By that I mean that casual sex has a lot in common with PMO.

    -it prizes quantity over quality -more likely to role play -more likely to involve many females -partners are usually quickly dismissed in the pursuit of more “freaky” partners who will go where others won’t -partners are objectified and have little existence to the person outside of the sex act

    Anyway, I am changing my entire existence with nofap. It’s changing my perspective on all things. When I was fapping all the time, I viewed literally all women short of kids, the elderly, and the obese as potential sex partners. I almost never got laid tho because I was addicted to fapping and could not function well enough around people to pull that off. But basically every woman I had more than a brief encounter with would wind up in my spank bank, and I would have done sex acts with them if presented with the opportunity.

    Now that I am on nofap, I no longer understand women as potential sex partners. My mind doesn’t even go there anymore and I am more interested in creating a stimulating conversation with them. I’m not thinking about sticking my dick in their asses like I used to. And I think even if I went on a date with a woman, I honestly think I would hold off on sex even if she was throwing herself at me. I’ve become like the women I used to resent for not immediately consenting to sex with me. I finally understand why most women are inclined to hold off on sex until much later in the relationship. I would view casual sex as breaking my nofap streak, I would view it almost on the same level as PMO. Instead I would probably just want to cuddle and talk.

    Anyway that is my nofap post for the day. Anyone else feel like this thanks to nofap?

    blueeyedbandito

    I identify with this 100%. This is the first streak I’ve been on where one of the biggest bigger changes was my view on women. In past streaks I got your run of the mill benefits. This current streak is shaping me a lot more. I am much less desperate for female attention. I can take it or leave it. Naturally I seek it, and am MUCH more interested in an intimate relationship than a one night stand. This does not mean I’m looking for a relationship or anything, but I’m more likely to pass on casual sex. My standards are higher. My standards are also narrower. Sex is in the background now. I’m talking to a girl I’ve had a crush on for awhile. We’ve only made out so far. And she’s slept over. Modern culture would say I’m a dumbass for not banging her on the first date, but whatever- I’ve got bigger fish to fry then a meaningless fuck or 30 minutes of fun.

    jake13122

    Same here. Casual sex isn’t appealing to me at all. I haven’t been going on dates at all this year (focusing on investing in my self in 2016 before going back on the market) and would much rather meet someone for a healthy long term relationship. This is a shift because of nofap.

     

     

  170. My wife is SO beautiful

    I was sitting yesterday with my wife, she was drying her hair after the shower and I was looking at her and I was SO amazed about how beautiful she is. And I don’t mean her physical beauty, I mean this glow of kindness, innocence and happiness. I told her ‘babe, you are so beautiful’ and she was like ‘wait a second, I don’t see any storm outside, so how is it possible that you were strike by thunderbolt?’ :)) I am wondering how much better the world would be, if porn wouldn’t exist at all. How many divorces could be avoided? How much happy we, as a society would be. We might never find it out but what I can assure you, you can find it for yourself at least. Keep fighting, it’s worth it.

    My wife is SO beautiful

  171. My wife is SO beautiful
    I was sitting yesterday with my wife, she was drying her hair after the shower and I was looking at her and I was SO amazed about how beautiful she is. And I dont mean her physical beauty, I mean this glow of kindness, innocence and happiness. I told her ‘babe, you are so beautiful’ and she was like ‘wait a second, I dont see any storm outside, so how is it possible that you were strike by thunderbolt?’ :))

    I am wondering how much better the world would be, if porn wouldn’t exist at all. How many divorces could be avoided? How much happy we, as a society would be.

    We might never find it out but what I can assure you, you can find it for yourself at least. Keep fighting, its worth it. My wife is SO beautiful

  173. That would NOT have been

    That would NOT have been possible if I wasn’t 24 days sober and PMO’ing.

    Thankfully we had an awesome weekend. I had my energy. We have been married 9 years and hopefully will for many many more.

    I’ve read that PMO is a factor in 56% of all divorces – that is just ridiculous.

    I would rather have an awesome weekend hiking, eating, canoodling and enjoying my spouse (which I just did) rather than look at a screen and PMO like a clown.

    Thank you all for this awesome support community! Keep it up fapstronauts – you CAN conquer this!

    Anniversary Weekend with My Wife: Three Times in 24 Hours

  174. Today I realized the simple truth that women are people
    I was at the gym today and decided to play a very old playlist of songs I had from years back. A few powerful songs came on between my sets and as I was standing there resting, staring out the window I started to feel weird. I started to think about a close friend who took his own life earlier this year and an Ex-girlfriend who comforted me over it. I began to cry in the middle of the damn gym. I cried not only for my late friend, but also for how caring my Ex was for me in my time of need.

    The same Ex who I detested for so long over a situation I created.

    The same Ex who, at times, I looked to as an object to have sex with to fulfill my sick, twisted desires.

    The same Ex who I loathed for seeing other people after we were finished.

    The same Ex I tried to get back together with when I was looking for my next sperm pail.

    Today I realized the simple truth that women are people with the same dreams, convictions, and emotions as us. They feel pain. They feel heartbreak. They feel regret. They’re fucking human.

    I think I’ve taken my first step in untangling my sick, twisted mind. This PMO-free lifestyle is making me actually FEEL. I can say with the utmost conviction that I wish nothing but the best future for my ex-girlfriend, regardless if that future includes me or not. Something happened at the gym today…

  175. Women are so beautiful

    One of the worst things porn does is desensitize you to female beauty. When I was PMOing ten times a week I would notice a few cute girls, but could never really appreciate their “womanliness.” (That’s not a euphemism.) Their curves, their eyes, the way their hair falls along the gentle contour of their faces – it’s amazing. When I started NoFap in January, I thought resisting would get harder as the days passed. It turned out that the more days I go, the easier it gets. I am starting to seriously doubt whether I will ever MO again. Pictures and fantasies just can’t compare.

    Women are so beautiful

  176. How having sex changed my view

    I’m in college and I used to think nothing was wrong with masturbaiting. I always sort of acknowledged that porn was dirty but I didn’t let it get to me. I started in middle school and never told myself I had an addiction. I wanna mention I knew about this subreddit but thought it wasn’t for me.

    Then I lost my virginity 4 nights ago.

    I realized sex is too special to crudely imitate it on a daily basis. I also remembered hearing that frequent masturbation can hinder your sexual experience. Since then I feel I’ve woken up to the negatives of PMO and decided I’m gonna try and defeat my addiction. I can’t wait to be able to say “I don’t need that anymore!” I’m incredibly thankful that this community exists and I’m glad to be joining it!

    How having sex changed my view

  178. Looking Into Her Eyes.

    Every single girl you will ever meet has the most beautiful eyes. There may be 6s 7s 8s and 9s, But every Woman’s eyes are a straight 10 when you really look into them. By looking at her eyes rather than her body you start to see every woman as equal, Yes beautiful and intimidating at first, But under that you will start to see her feelings and begin understand them, You recognize them as human feelings. You know them because you experience them in your own body rather than feeling the anxious nonsense that your porn hungry brain is trying to corrupt you with.

    You start to learn about the sub-conscious dialogue she’s engaging you with, and you develop your own sub-conscious language to communicate not only your interest in her but communicate to her who you are, what your made of and what you’re going to make of your life. You will find your vision grows when you focus on her eyes, her smile comes into focus first, Her lips hook up at the sides and you get butterfly’s in your stomach that make you feel so fucking human. Then you see the little things she does with her body to tell you she’s interested, you understand these messages instinctively. Her body, Alive and breathing and as complex as any organism on this earth. Strong. Supple. As graceful as a Leopard, and as fierce. You’ll notice the curve of her breast and the sway in her hips but you’re not starring at them like a creep and she loves that, she’s telling you she loves it with her eyes.

    You can feel her energy, her life force as powerful as any living thing. She’s got butterfly’s to because your lips are doing the same hook thing at the sides and you swear you can feel her butterfly’s fluttering around with yours, making it all the more intense. You’re still looking into her eyes and you feel like an equal because she’s looking back into yours. You feel as alive as anyone who has ever walked the earth, all in a fleeting glance.

    Or you could look at porn.

    Looking Into Her Eyes.

  179. I feel that stopping fapping really enhances our relationship

    If you have a girlfriend i suggest you to completely stop your habit. I’ve noticed, that my commitment towards her concerning not just sex is so much greater. I was afraid, that I suddenly couldn’t last long enough, as soon as I stop masturbating, but somehow it is the whole #opposite

    I don’t know if I’m exaggerating here, but I feel that stopping fapping really enhances our relationship by at least 25% and we already were the happiest couple on earth since day one! This really makes me so happy, I had to share with you. If you have a person in your life, which deserves your whole attention, do it for her/him!

    Much better Sex with gf

  180. Porn doesn’t turn me on anymore

    Interestingly, porn doesn’t turn me on one bit. I get shaky out of excitement but I have no other response. I think my girlfriend is the only one who can do that now and I am very happy about that. I suspect my brain has changed a bit and for the better!

    Porn doesn’t turn me on anymore

     

  181. Change from liking bodies to liking people?

    I noticed I get smitten with gals more now, I yes like seeing hot girls around, I try to stop looking and objectifying. But the difference I noticed is I like the personality more, get a bit smitten by the lady cause she lovely. Before I got this less, would date people cause I wanted a gf to keep me sane in some weird way. Someone to share problems with etc, now I have a better social support network so I need that less don’t feel I’ll go insane again.

    Change from liking bodies to liking people?

  182. My first pornless orgasm!

    So the reason I’m doing this is that I recently realized I couldn’t get off without porn, and I really want to cum for my girlfriend. I’d tried masturbating several times without visual stimulus and never got close to the edge. But 30 minutes ago, just two and a half days into a streak, I was able to get off without any visual stimulation of any kind! The road towards curing my porn-induced anorgasmia is looking a lot shorter than expected. I’m so pumped, my dudes!

    My first pornless orgasm!

  183. 42 Days NOFAP
    I am watching porn since my teen age when i was 17 and now I am 26 i stopped watching porn and masturbating, It feels really amazing, I am single and I love the feeling of morning wood , I Intend to not to fap and watch porn for a full of year i want to get married, I think I am suffering ED I asked a doctor and doctor said I have to abstain porn and masturbation until i get back to normal. FUFCk porn that ruined our lives. .. our precious time our love our education our selfrespect etc… just pray for me bro.. I have to stop it for 2 years…

  184. I had sex with my wife (a success story)

    My wife and I have been together for almost 10 years, married for 3 and we are both in agreement that our sex life has been way below average for a while now.

    Since discovering that porn addiction is a thing and also thing I have I’ve realised that my addiction has been a large factor in our problems.

    We very rarely have sex, up until the other night it had been over a year since our last attempt, I call it an attempt because it really wasn’t a success, we were both left unsatisfied and this wasn’t the first time. Each time we try (with varying degrees of success) we both shy away from sex to avoid another awkward situation, to the point we’ll both be laid in bed feeling horney but too afraid to do anything about it.

    However a couple of nights ago the planets aligned for us and we were both ready to try again, this time I am happy to report it was a success.

    (trigger warning I’m going to go into a bit of detail now that)

    This time was so different. It was like things were when we first met, I felt connected and relaxed, I felt like all I wanted was to be intimate with her, we felt together.

    I wasn’t just thrusting away hoping I’d cum before we got tired or bored or it got awkward (I’ve always been slow to fire due to PMOing daily) this time it was just me and her and it felt amazing.

    The best part is after we were finished things were still Okay, the next day we got home from work and had a great talk and felt so much more connected.

    Sorry for rambling on so much but I’m very happy with this and I just wanted to spread some good news amongst this community.

    I’ve been addicted to porn for 15 years and I’m now over a month clean and it feels great.

    TLDR I had sex with my wife and it was good

    I had sex with my wife (a success story)

  185. Female Perspective on Pornography

    TL;DR Female friends have opened up to me about how pornography has ruined dating prospects and relationships. Masturbation & pornography negatively affects women just as much, if not more than men.

    I posted on my Snapchat story some inspiration about the NoFAP journey I was on, and one of my good female friends responded:

    “Yeah pornography is horrible, it almost ruined my relationship with the man I love.”

    Because we’re close, I asked her to elaborate, so I could share it with other men that have fallen trap.

    She told me the female side through a story:

    Her boyfriend was very tired. She wanted to have sex, but he simply was not energetic enough.

    She was okay with that, and they decided to go to sleep. 30 minutes later, he turns around, and starts kissing her.

    Game on.

    They begin the process of sex- cuddling, kissing, goofing around, but there was a problem:

    He couldn’t stay hard!

    This is a perfectly healthy young man. She is not delusional, so I trust her when she says that they truly love each other.

    They start going at it, but out of fatigue he quits. Disappointed, she goes back to sleep.

    She wakes up early for her morning shift, and cancels the alarm on his phone. It naturally opens and…

    On the screen is a picture of a sexy female on Instagram that is very revealing.

    She felt crushed. She realized suddenly that her man had a pornography addiction- and through me and my stories she knew of the horrors it could do to a man.

    She went to work devastated, and texted him forcing him to un-follow all attractive pictures, and quit pornography.

    It took months for this lovely, perfect couple to return to normal. For them, it was love at first sight.

    They had been together for months. They planned their whole lives together.

    And then pornography happened…

    Guys, I’ve been openly talking about this journey with my female friends now for too long.

    If you can’t save yourself, do it for the fucking women in our lives!

    Masturbation & pornography doesn’t fuck us up- it fucks up women, perhaps even more.

    She felt like a hole. She felt like she wasn’t loved truly. She felt undesired, and unable to turn her man on!

    Because of pornography they couldn’t enjoy the greatest pleasure in life: pure human sexual bonding

    When you get a girlfriend- you will on this journey, give it time- you need to be ready for her.

    You need to be openly able to enjoy the sexual energy and bond. Sex isn’t just about sexual release- I’ve now learned that it’s about bonding, and expressing love.

    You need to be ready to rock her world, and you can’t do that if you can’t perform. You’ll be too anxious and fucked to truly make love out of instinct.

    If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for the ladies. They suffer silently & alone..

    Female Perspective on Pornography

     

     

  186. My superpower is seeing woman for who they are

    Once you decide that you are ready to give up on self pleasure for delayed onset of gratification , something beautiful happens —->

    You get to see what real attraction feels like .

    You get pulled in by other people presence a lot more or pushed away from It , if They are toxic.

    One thing is For absolute sure – all woman become beautiful for who they are and not for what they look like. And that’s a beautiful thing … and that is more of a super power than any of you 4dayers saying how that hot chiiika looked you in the eyes . I mean , c’mon – you guys need a hug first of all.

    I guess everyone is different but this is what I’ve experienced thus far – I was always pretty determined and focus goal driven before but My weakness was thinking a certain shape and look was all that made me out some ladies on a higher pedal stool than others . I’m great-full to come to see some insight and enlightenment on the subject

    My superpower is seeing woman for who they are

  187. I love how abstinence allows you to appreciate ordinary beauty

    More specifically, you desire the bodies of those you love because you love them and because it is them, not because porn has implanted a perverted desire into your heart.

    And I have to get this weird thing off my chest: I was with the one I love very much and she wasn’t very dressed up but her clothes were tight enough that some slight pudginess was showing. Sexual desire kicked in and it had nothing to do with being attracted to an “average” body in the way one is attracted to bodies in pornography. It was because it was her, and I wasn’t processing the stimuli at all the way I would the artificial stimuli of pornography.

    I love how abstinence allows you to appreciate ordinary beauty and desire people, not bodies. Weird off my chest story.

  188. The most predominant change I have noticed is my attitude toward
    90 days, where to from here?? Feel free to AMA

    Well, I made it, 90 days!! (on “hard” mode – there is no easy mode as far as I’m concerned). This has been the hardest challenge I’ve ever undertaken in my life to date.

    Changes: well as far as superpowers go, I’m still a pretty normal guy, but I do possess that confidence that comes from within when you’re not fapping to make yourself feel good or self medicate on dopamine so you can feel good. I’m happy with who I am and that I have been able to take the first and most important step in breaking this addiction.

    The most predominant change I have noticed is my attitude towards women, throwing objectification out the window and being aware that women are humans too, aesthetically I find women appealing but this comes second to the knowledge that they are not there for me to selfishly gain gratification from.

  189. The relationship between my wife and I has drastically improved.

    The relationship between my wife and I has drastically improved. And, I have noticed something significant: I can feel more strongly than I used to. I feel much more love and affection for my wife, kids, and family than I ever have. I think this comes from the sense of freedom I have achieved, and knowing that the porn does not have control over me any more, and it never will again.

    I am also far more spiritual than before (I was sort of closet agnostic), but I think it is good for me to have faith in a higher power, and indeed my prayers and time in church/worship have been more meaningful than I remember them being in many, many years. I am also much more calm, less angry, and far less sensitive about the small things in life

  190. Thx for doing this guys.. <3 Girls against porn
    Thx for doing this guys.. <3 Girls against porn

    A friend of mine told me about this NoFap thing and I feel so happy to see the counter sitting at 31,133 fapstronauts! 🙂 Faith in humanity restored!

    My last relationship was with a guy who was seriously addicted to porn. This caused so many issues in our relationship and sex life and it seriously fucked me up personally. It was so painful to see him struggle with his addiction. I wanted to believe that he could change, but he deceived me so many times that I couldn’t take the heartache anymore. After 2 years of an otherwise amazing relationship, I had to end it. Now I’m still afraid of starting a relationship again.

    Anyways, I know you guys are probably doing this for your own wellbeing and stuff, but I just wanted to thank you on behalf of girls who have been hurt by guys’s porn addictions. We appreciate your efforts to break this addiction guys. Keep it up and don’t give in! 🙂

  191. Inability to fall in LOVE because of years of PMO! Hope NoFap he
    Inability to fall in LOVE because of years of PMO! Hope NoFap helps!

    It feels like having an evil curse put on me that I, a very emotional and romantic person, have not been able to fall in love with a girl for the last 9-10 years. I am romantic to the point that I cannot have one night stands or sex without feelings, and even though I have tried loving and having deep, meaningful relationships with girls throughout this time, it has never really worked out well, not even once! This is all because of nothing but PMO. I, who is too emotional to have sex one night stands in real life, have in the background an ugly P addiction where I am addicted to scenes that exclude even the slightest sign of any emotion! Will you look at the contradiction?

    This unfortunate, ill-fated addiction has made effective use of all of its means to kill any means in me by which I can feel and express feelings of real romance and emotion against a real person. I think that is all there is to say and it is very saddening for me now, because it took me some long years to fully realize that.

    I believe that many of you guys and gals have experienced this very same curse upon themselves. I hope that we may soon have this problem solved through NoFap, but as this problem may have had deeper impacts in our subconscious (like our deeply rooted, unconscious perception of women as sexual objects), I hope to make use of all means by which to dispell this curse. I’d love to make effective use of all of my means to kill any means of this addiction by which it has kept me from having that wonderful feeling of butterflies in my stomach, which I once used to have when I was younger and in love! Oh how I so miss those days and the young, clean, pure heart that I once had, it’s such a burden on me!

    Folks, any feedbacks, contributions and/or advices on this topic, on love and how PMO keeps us away from love and how we can win love back, shall be so well appreciated! Best wishes to you all!

    GUY 2)

    Yes, I know that feel. Lived joyless for a good 10 years myself. I’ve been coming to a lot of realizations concerning this recently also. You can never go back and change the past, just have to learn from it and make the best of the relationships in the future.

    GUY 3)

    I know exactly what you mean. I can’t tell you the last time I felt ‘butterflies in my stomach love’ for someone. I’m 30. I can’t remember the last time I didn’t see a woman as something other than a sex object. I really want to change this, because once-upon-a-time I was genuinely attracted to intelligent, creative, culturally-aware women.

    Now I just look at women and wish I could f*k them, and then feel kind of angry and resentful that I can’t. I look at women as sex objects, but I have such low self-esteem and such bad social anxiety I’ve never had a one night stand or any opportunity to treat someone as a sex object.

    In fact, women seem kind of repulsed by me. And to be honest I don’t blame them.

    Don’t get me wrong, deep down I don’t think a one night stand is anything to aspire too. But my point is, I’m bloody sick of seeing women this way. I hate myself for it. I want to see women as people again, not just objects. I want to feel love, and experience a real connection. I want to crave intimacy, rather than fetishistic sex. I want to make love, and love the person I am making love to.

    I really hope this happens soon.

  192. I don’t want to think of women as objects anymore…

    Basically, I don’t want to think of women as objects anymore… not even of those who purposely present themselves as such. This will sound sociopathic (and I think it actually is) but I was having a hard time acting towards and thinking about women as… you know… persons. Porn and my own fantasies destroyed my ability to apprehend them as beings with feelings, with need of sincere affection, with a dignity which demands utmost respect (as with every human being)…

    Enough about OP’s and their stories. NoFap community, what’s your story?

  193. I come to terms that PMO is Complete Garbage.

    Fellow Fapstronaunts,

    I got intimate with my long time girlfriend and I could not believe what was happening. It was so much Real. I cant believe I used to be a PMO addict almost getting to Cardiac arrest Choking my Pipe Everyday to a very fake thing like porn while something like that existed. After that magical experience I come to terms that PMO is Complete Garbage.

    Moreover, It has been really long since I quitted PMO. Things have Changed Sporadically over the years. Pmo is a Deadly Addiction. I believe I have won. I hope this will be a message of hope to all that are struggling with PMO.

    I pray that You will all Live Long and Prosper.

    Greetings from Africa.

    Got Intimate with my Long time Girlfriend. This is my report.

     

  194. Does NoFap change your view of girls and relationships?
    Does NoFap change your view of girls and relationships?

    I mean… I remember how little interest I showed in girls (for the past ten years) because I felt there was nothing for me to gain [sexually]. If I wasn’t going to get in bed with her, why bother?

    Well, at work yesterday, I more or less had no choice but to talk to a girl I knew. It felt horribly awkward and I felt awful. After work, I got a chance to think about things and realized how great it felt to talk to a girl and that jazz, awkwardness notwithstanding. I felt more “manly” for chatting with her.

    I relapsed a day ago BTW. Originally, I was going to PMO after work again. After that, I chose not to.

    I’m starting to realize now that I don’t have to have a chance at bedding every woman I know to have a legitimate connection with them. I feel better and a lot less pressure knowing that. Had I known that years ago, I wouldn’t have lost touch with so many great women that I knew.

    Enough looking at the past, I’ll take care of that when the time comes; I don’t regret it anyway. Now, my goal is to establish stronger connections with the girls I see today, platonic or otherwise.

    In any event, has anyone here seen changes in their mind state towards girls and/or relationships?

    fapfree03

    100%. Not fapping to pictures of girls online that I knew but had no interest whatsoever in dating was a big problem. Mind you this was girls on my facebook, and girls I knew, not randos. I would fantasize about them, but would never, ever date them or want to be with em in real life, while not even seeing how much my girlfriends at the time meant to me. I was much more interested in my fantasy worlds than my life, even when what I had in my life was 100000x better than the people I thought about.

    It’s a little wordy, sorry if it’s confusing.

    TL:DR- Yes, 100%. Girls are people, not sex food (Bruce from Nemo voice)

    stoenr

    Yes. I realized that pornography is an imaginary world, something that doesn’t exist, just like cartoons or our dreams. And that people starring in these movies or posing for the photos aren’t happy with that. Seriously, who would be happy about the world seeing you naked or having sex?

    I also think that girls are just like boys – confused, don’t know what to do. We are all one group, not boys and girls. We both don’t know what to do when it comes to sexual things like seducing or something like that.

    I also perceive women just as women, not like gods or some weird creatures I cannot speak with. They are there, and I am here, they are people, I’m a human too.

    Relationships are actually funny to me. Sure, it’s fun to be with someone, but I don’t see the point when someone says ‘it’s forever, I love him/her forever, we will be together’. Seriously, people like that should get their shit together and think realistic. When I stopped fapping I realized that I don’t need anyone, or any relationship. Sure, it’s a fun way to spend time with someone, but it isn’t necessary in your life. There are plenty more things to do than being in a relationship.

    LP83

    My experience is that the communication with women has become more relaxed. I’ve noticed that women tend to feel less uncomfortable around me during the last month and a half. And the dirty thoughts have subsited which I find a huge benefit in any conversation with a woman!!!

    stoenr

    Yes, I noticed that too. My dirty thoughts are gone and now I just talk to women like I talk to my bro’s.

    I’ve found that I can view women as humans not as a collection of bits and pieces that I could get off to.

    Personally I’ve never had a “problem” talking to women, but I noticed that I can actually look women in the eye when I talk with them. It’s less about what looking at women does for me now – having had to keep that in check so as not to fap etc.

    –]jasze

    7 days ago i was a pervert and made me difficult to talk because of shit going in my head about imagining them, now its little better for me to communicate with girls. Getting better every day.

     Zeta_Metroid

    Yeah, nofap definitely seems to make your thoughts in general, but especially towards women, less hedonistic. Especially if you stop the P in PMO

    Louis_DM1

    NoFap definitely taught me that internet pornography isn’t all it’s hyped up to be. It’s much better (and psychologically healthier) to establish kinship and a healthy bond with a real woman than some pixelated woman on a screen you’ll never meet or have a conversation with.

    nofetebutwhatwemake

    Yep. All the women disappeared! And at the same time I realized that the world was full of all these people who were just like me (except female)!

  195. I don’t want to bore everyone with a very long story. I was addicted to porn when I was only 9, and now into my late 20’s. That path of porn lead me to what I thought was the dream girl and ‘lifestyle’. After a lot of reflection over the past two months, porn has had a direct impact on how I treated women and saw them.

    I’ve been PMO free for only 30 days, and I don’t even count anymore. I see women in a completely different light, they are humans that deserve much more than what we wired ourselves through porn. My last girlfriend was everything porn related, from the bed to social events. It was fun in the moment, but I was going from one bed session to another with zero heart felt feelings.

    If anyone wants a full detailed story of my previous fapping life, I can in a different subreddit or create a blog. To anyone reading
    this, if you are in bed get up and get outside right now; put your phone on airplane mode and live in the here and now. The first few days of no PMO is extremely hard, you are in a pattern. Get home, lay down in the bed, check social media and before you know it you’re on a porn site.

    Porn has taught me a great deal of how your soul and mind can be wired to think one way and be in that hole/corner. Break your day to day pattern.

    Namaste

    NoFap Changing my life

  196. I posted this to r/nofap but thought it should go here too.
    So I lost my virginity a few days ago, and I realized just how fake porn is.
    Porn is all about personal pleasure – there’s no communication, there’s no connection, it’s literally just watching other people get paid to go at it while you’re yanking your dick around. When I had sex, it just felt right, it felt real. I’ve never once had that feeling from porn. Porn takes women and turns them into objects, but sex is about getting to know someone on a whole new level. Of course you get pleasure from it, but it’s about the other person as well.
    Above all, I realized how sad porn is. You’re sitting in the dark, alone, with your eyes glued to a lifeless computer screen, just going for that next nut. There’s no progression in a relationship, there’s no happiness, and you don’t even like, know, or care about the people you’re watching. There’s no connection. It’s seriously depressing to think about.
    I heard all these things before, but when I had sex it all clicked. Porn isn’t real, and porn isn’t love. Because of all this, I’m never watching porn again.

    What sex made me realize about porn

  197. Weird how porn use affects your sex drive.

    Before anyone points it out, yes…I know that some people have a naturally high sex drive and some people have a naturally low drive. But my relationship with porn actually manipulated me into making conclusions about my sex drive.

    The endless variety and the element of sheer novelty that free internet pornography provides used to be irresistible to me. I used masturbate to porn almost every single day and sometimes multiple times during the same day. Since I was doing it everyday, I started to justify my obsessive usage by telling myself that maybe, I have a very high sex drive. This self justification only worsened things and led to more increased use. My sports team lost? – let’s watch some porn, my academic exams didn’t go as well as I’d have liked them to? – let’s watch porn, something made me angry? – let’s watch porn. So, even though the relationship started due to my curiosity about sex and the variety offered by porn, it ended up becoming nothing but a coping mechanism for my real life frustrations and disappointments(this is why I’ve a problem with people who equate porn with sexuality because sexuality should be about positivity while many porn viewers use it to deal with negativity), but I didn’t realise it at the time as I thought this is due to my high sex drive.

    Now that I’ve spent about 5 months(I don’t keep a track of the exact number of days) without porn(I relapsed hard twice within 2 weeks on two previous attempts to go pornfree), I have come to realise that this idea that I had about me having a high sex drive was just rubbish. That was what my porn use made me think. The first 2-3 weeks are tough, but once the you go a month or two without porn, those raging urges start to balance out and get normalised(at least that’s my experience). I no longer constantly think about the next orgasm I’m going to have or the next porn video I’m going to watch. Even if I come across a picture somewhere or something else that might have earlier been a trigger, it really doesn’t have any effect on me anymore. Now I’ve not become asexual. I still masturbate(without porn of course) occasionally(once a week or once in 2 weeks) and as a straight man, I can still acknowledge when I find myself sexually attracted to a woman, but I no longer have the mentality that I have to always immediately quench my sexual urge whenever I feel one by using porn like I used to do by using the idea of a high sex drive as an excuse.

    So along with many many negatives like PIED, destructive fetishes, astronomical wastage of precious time, viewing of women as sex objects, etc., another negative effect that porn might have on you is to give you a warped idea of your own sex drive.

  199. Had Sex Last Night – Part II

    This is a follow up to this post. Holy cow, guys. We had sex again last night. And my wife even initiated it. And it was already midnight. That’s sex twice in three days. Both of which were week nights. Which is not our thing. We are not great communicators about our feelings/desires and we have company staying with us from out of town, so we haven’t really had any time to talk about what’s happening, but I’m loving it. I loved waking up and still smelling her on my hand and being able to reach over the put my hand on her naked butt. Sleeping naked isn’t our thing either unless it’s after sex. Been a fun and out-of-nowhere week. And I’m attributing a lot of it to lack of porn/masturbation. Thanks for listening and good luck to all of you quitting this disease as well!

  200. NoFap really changed my mindset

    Although my journey of nofap isn’t for female attraction, I feel like a real human being. Before starting my streak, I would look at women as an object that can only do one thing, and it’s to please me. Now, when I look at women, I think of them as human beings. Porn really messes with your mind

  201. Post –  My husband has a porn/sex addiction and I don’t know how to help him. I feel lost in this and hopeless.

    Not sure if this is the place to post and my husband might be somewhere on this group, but I don’t know where else to ask. Crying as I write this. He’s had an addiction to porn since he was a teenager and was open about it when we first met and what he was doing about it. But, I was naive and I didn’t understand how it affected his brain chemistry or our relationship. We were both technically virgins when we got married, but I quickly realized there were a lot of expectations he had that I wasn’t comfortable with. Fast forward 8 years of marriage and it’s started to dawn on me that this issue has always been there and it’s the big pink elephant in the room that I don’t even know how to approach. It hurts a lot. I feel like porn is robbing my husband of any kind of emotional resilience, because rather than working through his feelings, he uses porn and masturbation like a drug. What does it look like to have healthy sexuality in our marriage? When he had gone porn free for a few months, I felt like I became the object of his obsession and just a means to an end. Is there a sub reddit just for partners of porn addicts?? What do I do to bring freedom to our relationship? I feel so lost. Thank you for your advice. -a loving wife

    Answer by  Clonethefragile

    LINK TO COMMENT

    As a husband who has dealt with sex addiction/porn addiction I feel like I can give my opinion more so than advice everyone’s brains work differently so what worked for me might work for him.

    Patience and communication is key, porn has a way of setting unrealistic expectations from sex, visually, physically and even scenario arousal. An alternative universe of arousal that any fetish can be viewed. Anything as awesome as it can be can become same old same old and that goes for porn what once had your blood boiling in lust can become boring and uninteresting so you go deeper and deeper until you don’t even know what gets you going anymore.

    I had become desensitized to normal sex to wanting to make love to my beautiful wife, why wasn’t my life like the videos where I come home to some wild sex fiesta? It lead me to drinking heavily, loss of physical affection, seeking attention off other women I was a complete mess, I stopped seeing my wife as my partner and instead a sexual object and I would argue like woe is me my sex life sucks because I’m not coming home to some sex dungeon, complete unrealistic expectations and grip on reality.

    Whenever we did have sex I could barely maintain a erection, my head wasn’t in reality “how can I be a stud like in porn” was my concentration, her pleasure my goal and not out of sincere lost in the moment passion but instead some narcissistic intention for gratification.

    My wife was aware of my situation and when I stopped this negative habit things started to change dramatically at first for the worst but then for the better. The object for obsession stage came to me and thankfully she didn’t have any of it, I turned my complete arousal need onto her, I needed that lust the temporary feeling of a high in life…like a dog in heat I was on her none stop, got snappy and agitated but shortly it all just went away.

    There is no insecurity or expectations anymore, I don’t care what other people are doing with their genitals, I don’t compare my sex life to anything, I don’t compare my manhood to actors. When you find real sincere passion all you think about is that person in the moment and making them feel good without a care in the world.

    It takes a lot of self control if your husband wants to make this change he has to want to do it for himself, patience, communication and love is the key, don’t become his computer screen because that just gives him what he thinks he needs until it no longer works and he has to move onto something else.

    Flirting really helped me personally, it’s hard to remember at times what hooked us in at the start but I got to a place I was happy with in recovery/my relationship so flirting really game me excitement back into my relationship (nothing too crude to trigger porn fetishes) suggested nude pics or compliments from sex the night before etc really made our time apart in work enjoyable and coming home a little exciting with a natural passion towards my wife.

    At the end of the day the choice is his, he has the power to turn his life around for the better, he’s not going to achieve a better future and relationship if he’s pretending to stop but sneaking off to the shower more than usual, he has to be open and honest about how he’s feeling and you have to be honest about how it makes you feel.

    Personal pro’s to quitting:

    Natural excitement through light physical affection even kissing compared to oral sex to try maintaining an erection for sex. (I’m like a teenager again at 30) he will achieve better erections (health permitting) and better orgasms.

    I respect, love and desire my wife as whole, she is not a sexual object to fulfill my perverted fantasies wired by pornography & pleasing her brings me joy compared to how much I can feed my ego.

    I’ve started to appreciate myself I no longer feel insecure that I’m not lugging around a 14 inch wiener, I don’t have abs of steel or the stamina of a race horse, I no longer compare myself to an unrealistic standard of acting, don’t over think anything just enjoy the moment.

    I have found hidden inspiration with my time…positive, energetic, testosterone fueled, artistic mindset I just generally as a whole feel like a better man and husband.

    In conclusion to my ramblings, I wish you luck, I commend you for not giving up on him but honestly once he’s kicked the habit his life will change for the better, as long as their is other women taking his attention off you and his life there will always be something in between your happiness together.

    Sex can be mind blowing between 2 people who are there, you just have to be there mentally and physically.

  202. Changing your beliefs about sex may help your recovery.

    I’ve been addicted to porn for at least 20 years. I’ve made several attempts at quitting for the last year or so. This streak I’m on now feels different, it feels a little bit easier, and I believe it is because I’ve had some false beliefs about sex that I’ve began to change. Here they are:

    1. Sex means enjoying another person’s body parts. It has nothing to do with relating to another person.
    2. It is potentially the absolute greatest thing in the world, nothing could possibly be better than acting out a particular fantasy with someone I was really attracted to and who was into it.
    3. It’s unfortunate that my circumstances in life don’t allow me to live the imaginary life of the characters in porn.
    4. I don’t have much control over my urges (neither does any man).
    5. Women are luxury goods. A man who gets laid a lot or has a girl that is very attractive is better than those who don’t.
    6. Monogamous relationships are limiting. It’s like only being able to eat at one restaurant for the rest of your life.

    The problem with these beliefs are that they cause me to elevate sex beyond what it is. They’ve made quitting porn difficult too. In the past I would abstain from porn for a few days, but I would fantasize, and my fantasies would be just like porn scenes. In them I’m using someone else body parts for my own enjoyment. It wouldn’t taking long before the fantasies were boring, and I’d be back to looking at porn.

    This time around, I’m working on redefining what sex is. Now I define sex as a part of a committed relationship. Sex outside relationship is bastardized at best and pathological or evening criminal at worst.

    So now sex is something I do with my wife. I don’t look at porn, I don’t fantasize about other women, I don’t follow Instagram models, I don’t let my eyes linger over the attractive women I see in real life, I haven’t even been masturbating. Because none of that is sex. Sex means being with my wife.

    This change in mindset has really been helpful. My wife and I pretty much stopped having sex, mainly because I never initiated it. When we did, it would be a disaster. I would close my eyes and imagine she were someone else and we were in a porno. I could get an erection, but It would eventually go soft and I wouldn’t be able to orgasm. My wife would get upset and I would feel bad and embarrassed.

    We’ve had more sex already in 2019 then in all of 2018. I can’t keep my hands off of her. She loves how much attention I am giving her, and I know it is making her feel sexy and desired. Also when we’re having sex, I’m not thinking about anything. I am just in the moment enjoying it. Finishing is no problem anymore. In fact, I’ve had to make myself slow down a few times. And the orgasms have been more intense than any PMO I’ve ever had. I also feel fulfilled and very satisfied.

    I’m not even a month in, so I’m not going to fool myself into thinking that I’ve recovered, but changing my beliefs about sex have really made things easier than previous attempts. I’d strongly recommend examining your own beliefs about sex and see if changing any of them may help.

    tl;dr – I’ve held some unhealthy beliefs about sex that have impeded previous recovery attempts. Redefining what sex means has helped me abstain from porn, and has been helping my marriage.

     

  203. Monogamy

    I used to think porn was necessary for monogamy, for me to faithfully do it anyway. I couldn’t imagine how I wouldn’t get bored. But then, I quit porn after realizing that perhaps constantly exposing to myself to this “variety” of women and sex acts was perhaps creating desires for variation that I would not have were I not used to looking so much porn. Perhaps if I stopped I would actually be satisfied with what I have.

    So, it’s been about 6 months, and I think that is certainly the case. Without porn the variety, such as it was, is gone. I’m basically having the same old sex with the girlfriend we always have, but I’m enjoying it a lot more. I thought I’d get bored of her but actually I’m more attracted to her than ever because she is…mine, imperfections and boringness and all. We really aren’t doing anything different, I’m just way more into it and her. Whereas with porn I had way more variety, but it was extremely superficial – in reality I was having only one kind of sexual experience with porn, that of masturbating, the variety was an illusion. Here, I’m having what is superficially a narrower experience but it is much deeper. I’m more present when we fuck, I actually think about us fucking later on if I masturbate.

    Its quite worth it as a tradeoff, somewhat surprising results.

    by polynomials

  205. Physical Intimacy Improvement with my recovering husband after only one week nofap

    I thought it could be encouraging to a lot of you to hear a wife’s observations of her husband early on with his recovery in porn addiction. You guys that are single or unmarried, this will be good info for you too! If your mind is trying to tell you lies such as you can’t stop, or that one more time won’t hurt, or what’s the point, please read this and have hope!

    To give you some perspective, my husband admitted only a week ago today that he has a porn addiction. Though this caused a lot of pain for us initially when he came to terms with his problem, it gave us a starting point in trying to help him start his recovery. Like with many porn addiction stories, there have been some very sad things that have happened in our marriage as a result of his porn addiction that I’ve only been recently made aware of. But today, I want to focus on the positive, and probably something you’ve all been wondering about yourselves… actual physical results in the bedroom. It’s only been a week, you guys. Your brains and bodies have an amazing capability to heal themselves. Do not give up.

    My husband and I have made the personal decision to only get our sexual needs met by each other, and even though I’m not addicted to fapping or porn, I’m supporting him by not indulging in these things along with him. Day one he became a member of this thread. Thank you guys for supporting him. He gained some confidence and was comforted by knowing he is not alone. Day two we made love. In the last several months before I knew he was struggling with an addiction, it would take what felt like forever to arouse him, and sometimes I would give up as it seemed I couldn’t excite him. However on this day, even after one day of nofap, he started to get excited after about five minutes. We both had a great time! I think we’ve had sex four out of seven days this week, and I can’t even remember the last time we did it that much! Maybe never! Each time, I’m not exaggerating, he has been aroused more quickly, and with a stronger erection. It is amazing how quickly his mind and body is starting to recover! And our relationship is getting stronger! I keep thinking he will get sick of doing it with me, but nope! It’s just better and better every time. It has been so much fun to make this a nearly daily ritual, and he says it has helped him to resist any bad urges. It’s helped remind us both how much we enjoy having sex with each other. The physical healing has been great, and we are also connecting better on an emotional level. Rather than him hiding porn from me and his addiction, coming clean has opened up this whole new level of communication between us where we seem to be able to discuss kind of uncomfortable topics, even ones not related to nofap, with more love, patience, and understanding for each other.

    Not a single bad thing has happened this week from him not fapping/watching porn. It has been a wonderful week, and one of our best weeks in a long time. Don’t give up.

    You single guys aren’t going to be single forever, so just keep this in mind for the future. There’s a saying “Happy Wife, Happy Life”, and it’s true! We want to be your world, and being intimate and sexual only with us is pretty freakin’ romantic! If you’re starting to work on your recovery now before you get in a relationship, it’s going to put you ahead in the game of eligible bachelors! Your partner will love being the center of your attention and will feel appreciated. Do it for yourselves first and foremost, but know that there are some awesome benefits for the loves in your life too because of your efforts. Everything will be okay in the end, and if it is not okay, it’s not yet the end. You’ve got this! Don’t give up!

  206. NoFap is really making me crave female closeness

    I’m 2 weeks into my first NF

    Before that I would fap every day, 1-3 times.

    I knew I wanted a girlfriend and someone to be close with. But I’d use dating apps and disregard matches for really stupid reasons. I had really high standards, even though it was totally unearned. Perfectly interesting girls I’d just never message because of some minor physical flaw, I must’ve subconsciously been comparing them to porn stars. So in the end I’d rarely go on dates because “I couldn’t find anyone I liked enough”

    Now 2 weeks into NF I have an intense desire to just have closeness, companionship and a healthy sex life with a woman. I haven’t actively been using dating apps as I thought at this early stage I might end up using the pictures to relapse. But I got a message from a girl and so replied, she has a really interesting profile and I feel….I don’t know if desperate is the word but so much desire to connect and meet up and talk. I even had a dream about some woman last night, dunno who she is but all we did was cuddle and watch a film. Surprising as normally I’d dream about fucking

    Although it’s painful to suddenly feel rather alone, I’m somewhat glad I’m feeling normal feelings. Not “it doesn’t matter if my romantic life is shit, I have porn”, actual desires

    It isn’t overwhelming as I’ve taken on other things like running and meditation so I’m happy within myself and not solely reliant on how I’m doing with women, but that desire that’s there should hopefully spur me into more real life interactions

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