Can You Trust Your Johnson? (2011)

YBOP COMMENT: This page contains multiple self-reports by people (some of whom are more politically correct than others), who concluded that their porn tastes influenced their sexual tastes after they quit porn and noticed their tastes reverting. These self-reports are taken from porn recovery forums. YBOP excerpts them pretty much as they are, and their authors’ views/languaging do not necessarily reflect those of this website. If you feel your sexual and romantic interest in transgender people is healthy, that you are content with your sexual tastes, or that your sexual tastes are set, read no farther. This page is for people who believe their porn-driven escalation to novel genres may be obscuring their earlier or innate sexual tastes.

View comments section below for posts by porn users describing escalation to genres that did not match original tastes or orientation. Also see:

ARTICLE: Is Internet Porn Making Male Sexuality More Plastic?

guys watching porn

Once upon a time, men could trust their penises to tell them everything they needed to know about their sexual tastes or orientation. Even recently, behavioral neuroscientist Paul Vasey confidently opined that,

“Sexual orientation is what you think about when you’re masturbating.”

Really? What if the porn to which you once happily fapped no longer does the job? Could this be why viewers who would never harm others are viewing violent porn? Why gay porn viewers are feeling baffled by their tastes for straight rape porn or lesbian porn? Why straight men are bewildered by their tastes for transsexual or gay porn?

Psychiatrist Norman Doidge explained in The Brain That Changes Itself:

The content of what [patients] found exciting changed as the Web sites introduced themes and scripts that altered their brains without their awareness. Because plasticity is competitive, the brain maps for new, exciting images increased at the expense of what had previously attracted them. (p.109)

Do a viewer’s most recent porn tastes reveal his “deepest urges and most uninhibited thoughts,” as Ogas and Gaddam claim?  Does his sexual orientation change along with what he views? Or does cyberporn manufacture superficial tastes, sometimes unrelated to sexual orientation? Most likely, the latter.

Porn has changed…a lot

Words, pictures, audio and video are nothing new. Why then are people complaining about being “addicted” to the Internet, email, Facebook, video-gaming, i-Phones, or Internet porn? Because today’s superstimulating versions of these activities are, in fact, potentially addictive. Surfing the net, especially for porn, incorporates all the activities that spike dopamine and keep the reward circuit buzzing: seeking and searching, sexy material, anticipation as each page loads, novelty on demand, and surprising and shocking visuals.

Obviously, a once-a-month Playboy, or an 80″s VHS tape cannot compare to using two high-definition screens, with 6 windows open, to search until you find just the right shot to take you home. After a bit of a breather you can search via Google for something you’ve never seen, so you can whack away once more. Unlike static porn of the past, today’s Internet porn is so stimulating that, in some brains, it can gradually produce addiction-related changes.

No wonder a guy’s brain can grow numb and stop responding to conventional sexual cues. Once vanilla porn is no longer doing it for him, his sexual tastes may prove surprisingly fluid. When his current cyberporn genre doesn’t arouse him, does he think, “Oh, that’s a sign that my brain needs a time-out to return to normal sensitivity, so why don’t I lay off the porn?”

No. He unthinkingly does something that none of his ancestors had the option of doing (but would have done too). Out with the old and in with the new—because novelty triggers the surge of dopamine he needs to become aroused. He clicks around the Web until he hits something that engorges his penis. A novel pornstar may be sufficient, but perhaps after his fourth session of the day, he needs an added jolt of shock or anxiety to goose his dopamine and light a fire under his brain’s sluggish reward circuitry.

I’ve gone back to lesbian porn now, I found [transgender] porn really really arousing at first, but not really my cup of tea anymore. Once I stopped being afraid of what people would think, it lost that rush it gave me and became boring.

When I first found [transgender] porn it was new and exciting, but now I’d rather a woman. Fear is what drove my attraction to [transgender performers], but once the fear was gone the attraction was gone. It don’t look right seeing a woman with a dick anymore. It’s not disgusting but just not right.

Half of today’s porn users report escalating to material that was once uninteresting. In some porn users, this innocent reflex can have one or both of the following undesired effects:

1.     Rewiring: The user inadvertently carves new arousal pathways into his limbic system. As researcher Jim Pfaus points out, “the mating brain is opportunistic.” It’s not strictly bound by intrinsic wiring, but rather it adapts to promising sexual cues. This is especially true during adolescence, when the brain is primed for wiring up sexual cues.

Thanks to evolution, fertilization is the brain’s top priority, so—even if a porn user would prefer to forget what he just saw—his brain carefully wires up all associations that led to his orgasm. It wants him to be able to “fertilize” this target again in the future. With enthusiastic use, a new brain pathway can become a ‘pathway of choice,’ irrespective of fundamental inclinations. In short, nerve cells that fire together wire together—especially if they produce a ‘bigger ‘n’ better’ orgasm.

2.     Desensitization: “Two hours edging to porn? That’s what Google is for.” “Two ejaculations since dinner? Let me fire up my old laptop so I can watch more windows on an additional screen.” Unlike other mammals, a guy can override his natural limits using ever-novel porn.

Over time, a user’s brain can physically change. Signs of fundamental brain alterations (as contrasted with short-term habituation) may include: chronic weakened impulse control, craving spikes in response to cues he associates with porn use, and decreased sexual responsiveness. He’s no longer registering pleasure normally; his desensitized brain is desperate for the dopamine hits from stimulation. To climax, he needs to watch for longer or move to new genres of porn.

This is not purely theoretical. Recent animal research reveals that high levels of dopamine (introduced via a dopamine D2 agonist drug) can alter sexual preferences in males. Desensitized porn users search for whatever will jack up their lagging dopamine. Once they find it, dopamine soars, and the process of re-conditioning their sexual response has begun. If they keep masturbating to the new genre, dopamine rewires their sexual circuits, leading to an inadvertent, and often alarming, change in porn tastes that make it difficult, or even impossible, to climax to earlier tastes. Small wonder that, as users slide along the porn spectrum in search of the next big “O,” they can end up climaxing to visuals that are unnerving—or even illegal.

Anthony: I started looking at porn, on a regular basis, about five years ago. First there were the beautiful women, then the hardcore porn, then the weird insertions, then the [transgender performers], then critters, then the hermaphrodites, then the teen porn, then the younger models and now prison (soon to go). As the years passed I became less and less interested in masturbating and more and more interested in “novelty” searching. Looking back, I just don’t see how I failed to recognize that I had a problem.

Another man on a porn-recovery forum:

I don’t know if you check on a regular basis reddit, ’empty closet’ etc… websites about the porn confusion/orientation, but there are just thousands of threads with people freaking out  about why they want to suck cocks or watched weird stuff after use of porn.

Even the’ empty closet’ forum is full of people, gay/bi/straight that are completely lost and confused about their orientation, and they ALL mentioned their porn use.

It looks like the high speed generation of porn users is now going online and asking for answers. On French forums, it’s the same. So many don’t know why they developed penis fetish or  femdom addiction…there are literally thousands of people reading the posts and the common factor of all those people is internet use (porn, chat, dating site).

Sexual orientation versus synthetic sexual tastes

Obviously, a user who climbs aboard the Internet porn train can end up getting off at stops that were once inconceivable. Perhaps the most bewildering is, “Help! My penis is only responding to erotica I associate with someone else’s sexual orientation.”

Ryan: I seriously thought I was turning gay. My obsessive thoughts about this issue were so strong that I was contemplating taking a dive off the nearest high-rise. I felt so depressed. I knew I loved girls and I couldn’t love another dude, but why did I have ED? Why did I now need transgenderl/gay stuff to get off? It’s like I made a mistake that I cannot correct anymore. I want to go back to my old days when I was only turned on by the female body.

Transsexual model KarisAnother guy who describes himself as bi:

As a teenager I very rarely consumed gay porn or porn where a man was the focus because I was afraid I would be outed by my internet history and then disowned by family. I’m still not used to expressing that part of my sexuality. I couldn’t orgasm the first time I had sex (which was with a guy). Even my sexual attraction to men is based how feminine they present themselves because I’ve been taught that feminine equals sexual. My head is so messed. This is all messed.

Gay guy: (Gay) Quitting porn has sorted out my sexual tastes

Another gay guy:

New guy here, 26 from the UK and recently realised I’m suffering with porn induced ED after a good year or two struggling to keep it up with partners.

I’ve also found my porn tastes differing from my sexual identity – I’m a gay guy and romantically attracted to males however I can’t seem to stop watching cuckold porn and getting extremely turned on by the whole thing to the point where it’s the only kind of porn I can watch. I have no intention of fucking a woman, seeing a woman naked or even getting close to a pussy in real life but I can’t help but be more drawn in by this type of porn.

I think porn seriously has messed me up, I can jack off maybe 5 times a day with porn and I can get a full erection with viagra but yet I am completely unable to get hard and stay hard for a real life sexual partner.

I hope there’s light at the end of the tunnel but this will be day 1 for me. It would be great to hear from people who are having a similar experience to me at the moment to the extent where porn hasn’t just ruined my ability to perform but also altered my mind in terms of the stuff I’ve ended up watching! I genuinely did think I may be going crazy watching porn that wasn’t matching any of my desires. Porn Induced ED and change in sexual desires

Brains desperate for sensation can find anxiety-producing material particularly arousing. Such emotions release extra dopamine (and norepinephrine) in the brain. In essence, they are a response to risk-taking.

Some of today’s cyberporn users develop obsessive-compulsive patterns around shocking porn. For example, a user may keep testing to see if a particular porn genre is arousing—because he happens to find that prospect horrifying (and exciting). Then he masturbates to relieve the anxiety produced. He is like a person who can’t stop checking to see if the stove is turned off. Interestingly, addiction and OCD produce similar anomalies in the brain’s reward circuitry. Satisfaction becomes more elusive, driving continued unwanted activity.

Said one 21-year old with a girlfriend, whose anxiety began three months earlier when he got an erection from watching a man’s penis in a video:

Now, I constantly feel the need to keep checking by using porn to prove that I’m still straight. I use any available moment to PMO to women, sometimes even in the same room as my girlfriend as she sleeps! This behaviour really upsets me but I find I can’t help it. It offers comfort for about 10 minutes before the doubt kicks in again.

Porn makers know how compelling this orientation-anxiety can be, and consider transgender porn a “straight porn specialty.” When interviewed, the operator of several transgender porn sites said, “My main audience, and the audience for most [transgender] porn, are straight dudes. That’s how it’s always been. I will say that all of the visitors to transsexual sites are straight.” (emphasis added)

“Who am I?”

If a gay viewer starts climaxing to straight porn, or vice versa, is he discovering his “true sexual orientation?” Probably not. But brains are plastic and, users can inadvertently wire new stimuli to their erections, just as Pavlov’s dogs learned to salivate to the bell. In both situations, dopamine activation (anticipation) prompts autonomic effects downstream. The brain’s primitive reward circuitry isn’t aware that the bell isn’t food, or that “new” porn isn’t “my” porn. Its axiom is simply, “Dopamine good.”

Fortunately Ryan can, with patience and self-discipline, once again unwire his unwanted associations. (More in a moment.) Meanwhile, he may need to beware of well meaning folks who try to tell him his changing tastes reveal buried clues about his true sexual orientation. Maybe they do; maybe they are as devoid of significance as the improbable cartoons he viewed as a child. Said one 22-year old:

During middle school and high school I watched porn for hours. After high school I dated a girl I really liked, but I didn’t feel as much arousal around her as I felt when watching porn. In college I got confused about my sexuality because I wasn’t feeling as much sexual attraction as other people. I was also turned on by gay porn and thought maybe I had latent homosexuality. My senior year I went to sexuality counseling and a coming-out support group for a quarter. Neither brought me closer to understanding sexual orientation or attraction. Yes, I got turned on by some gay porn, but I didn’t feel attraction to, or fantasize about, guys. The gay guys that I met seemed much more certain of their orientation. After a while I wasn’t sure I belonged there. I’ve started feeling more sexual attraction around women now that I’ve cut down on porn and masturbation.

Or consider Ryan again. When he began using porn, all he thought about was girls. He watched lesbian porn because he didn’t want to watch men having sex. Only after years of continuous porn escalation did he began to doubt his orientation. Recovering porn users on our forum often report developing, and discarding, multiple “tastes” as their addictions worsen. It’s evident that these mutually exclusive, transient tastes cannot all reflect buried sexual-orientation clues—if indeed any of them do.

For example, how could a taste for “transgender porn” reflect a sexual orientation? Attraction to transgender lovers would be an evolutionary deadend, so evolution could not select for it. Might this evolutionary impossibility be appealing as a cornucopia of compelling sexual cues (breasts, erect penis, arousing acts), lit with extra dopamine for the viewer who finds it exotic or anxiety-producing?

A radical change in porn tastes is likely to be little more than a sign of progressive brain desensitization. In other words, Ryan can’t be sure of much until he stops climaxing to the unwanted stimuli and returns his brain to normal sensitivity. This can take months.

Sexual tastes can be conditioned

A raging Internet porn addiction appears to operate independently of sexual orientation. However, the myth that “my sexual orientation is determined by what I masturbate to” is so powerful that many of today’s porn users do not realize that their random tastes are a function of overstimulation leading to tolerance, and therefore reversible. Again, research is now beginning to confirm that today’s porn users are escalating to material that was once of no interest.

Incidentally, scientists can condition a male rat to prefer a same-sex partner by jacking up his dopamine. And it doesn’t take very long. Researchers injected a male rat with a dopamine agonist (a drug that mimics dopamine), and then placed him in a cage with another male. The two rats just hung out together for a day. (The dopamine agonist is out of the system in about one day.) Researchers repeated this 2 more times, 4 days apart.

A few days later, the reconditioned male was put to the test. With no dopamine agonist in his system, he was placed into a cage with his male buddy and sexually receptive female (remember the dopamine was out of his system). Guess which rat turned him on the most? He showed much more response to the male: more erections, more genital investigation, and even female-like solicitations — as opposed to normal male mounting behavior.

Lesson? High levels of dopamine can powerfully rewire the brain and alter sexual tastes. The researchers emphasized that the male rat wasn’t gay, as he didn’t try to mount the other rat. Yet he had definitely changed. Similarly, continued porn use can’t change your sexual orientation, but it can change what type of porn excites you. Desensitized porn users (low D2 receptors) search for whatever will jack up their lagging dopamine.

Scientists are also learning that prediction of fundamental sexual orientation isn’t as simple as they once assumed. As Sexual Fluidity author Lisa Diamond says, “Sexual arousal … is only one element of sexual orientation and identity.” A very telling comment by a TV producer under this review of the UK documentary Porn On The Brain:

Three years ago I was part of a team of TV researchers who looked into many of the issues surrounding internet porn for a program that never aired. The main producer felt the scientific evidence involved (which was supposed to be the back bone of the program) was not strong enough.

During the research I spoke with a number of people with porn related problems, literally read thousands of comments from men on anti-porn sites and spoke with neuroscientists. Much of the scientific research is still in its infancy but there is no doubt in my mind that prolonged viewing of porn can have a seriously negative effect on some adults and children.

The most concerning thing I came across was adult & teenage males who began watching standard porn (if there is such thing) regularly and over the course of several years started to move to more and more extreme imagery as they became desensitized to the standard porn and looked for the newest ‘fix.’

People who on the surface seemed perfectly normal human beings were worried that they could only get an erection to porn, no longer felt the urge to form a proper relationship with a woman as porn had become a substitute, heterosexual men who had become so desensitised to heterosexual porn they found themselves viewing homosexual porn, men who were concerned about their feelings for children because the line between what they found pretty or cute and what they found sexy was beginning to blur.

99% of these people were adults and had had time to form a proper sexuality and relationships prior to their issues. This meant, that as one neuroscientist suggested, with the right help their brains could be returned to their previous sexual identity, even if the images they had viewed cannot be completely forgotten.

For a boy aged 10-14, with no previous sexual experience, there is no reset button. We could have future generations of young men who objectify women and have totally unrealistic ideas of sex and in some cases men who will have their brains re-wired by extreme imagery to the extent that they could be a risk to the women and children around them. We shouldn’t put our heads in the sand and await for some true scientific evidence. We need to do something now.

Is this a better test (than erections) for sexual orientation?

So if ‘visuals+erection’ can mislead, how do you recognize your sexual orientation? Obviously, whatever you climaxed to when you first started masturbating is a useful clue (assuming earlier childhood events haven’t distorted it.)

Returning to brain balance will tell you the most about your true orientation, but meanwhile, some guys find this a useful test of sexual attraction (or aversion): With whom do you want to do deep kissing?

Attraction and aversion are most powerfully displayed in the appeal of (or aversion to) engaging in intimate sexual activities that involve touch, body orifices, and body fluids such as saliva, vagina fluids or ejaculate. Men are generally much more “turned on” by the smells, orifices, and fluids of one sex than the other.

In fact, one expert we interviewed noted that men can have profound aversion to these characteristics of other gender—even to the point of nausea and vomiting (perhaps after the thrill of the “forbidden” or the effects of alcohol have passed). Said Ryan,

I ALWAYS do not want to kiss a guy. For some reason, a guy’s saliva would seem so nasty, and a girl’s is just so perfect. For me, the thought of a guy’s saliva is…disgusting, almost seems germ-filled. A gal’s saliva seems almost sweet to me.

Beware, however. If OCD has thoroughly hijacked your brain, it can find a way to turn any test into a new, equally meaningless, source of anxiety:

I keep on thinking about the kissing test, and I keep on thinking about it about it 24/7. Before, I was totally disgusted by the thought of kissing a man, but by wondering and asking myself over and over, gradually I was not disgusted or aroused. Now, I am actually aroused by thinking about kissing a man. I am not so aroused by gay sex anymore, because I really have blocked out it from my brain, but why is kissing a man arousing to me now? I don’t want to do it in real life. Because in real life it wouldn’t be arousing. In real life I just want to kiss girls, but when I think about it in my mind, it’s arousing. Makes no sense. It’s not like I am attracted. Sigh.

Unwiring plastic changes

As a porn user’s addiction progresses, masturbation habits may tell him very little about his actual orientation. However, guys on our forum have discovered that if they (1) give their brains a rest from porn, porn fantasy (and ideally masturbation and orgasm), and (2) replace their former habits with socializing, exercise, meditation and other comforting activities, they can start to see changes in their sexual tastes surprisingly quickly. Here’s Ryan’s report after only a month:

I spent the last year of high school jacking off to Internet porn compulsively, and escalated to gay porn several months ago. I found it disturbing to watch; it fueled my OCD and subsequent depression.

Now I’m feeling almost like a new person. I’ve been through nearly 4 weeks of hell, and had to get my antidepressants adjusted. I’ve been biking daily and interacting with others at college. But I do not get aroused at gay porn anymore. It’s like I have gotten rid of those circuits. The thought of lesbian porn is once again arousing. I am also slowly starting to get my libido back. It’s not over yet, but I have conquered part of it.

Brain changesI have literally been on forums with thousands of pages of posts by people who were dealing with desensitization and escalation to weird stuff. I’m really unhappy when people tell others that what they masturbate to is “what they are.” Maybe that was true 20-30 years ago, but it is not anymore.

Is his brain already unwiring or is its dopamine signaling improving (reversing desensitization), or both? It seems that as users resist climaxing to a particular type of porn, fantasizing about it, thinking about it and worrying about it, the related brain pathways physically weaken from disuse. As neuroscientists say, when nerve cells fire apart wires depart.

As the abandoned pathway stops producing a dopamine payoff, the brain—ever eager to go through the motions of reproduction—dusts off and fires up earlier brain circuits. Of course, if an addiction has progressed to the point where someone cannot climax without extreme porn, quitting will not be easy. He will need a lot of support. Severe withdrawal symptoms are common, but worth it for many users:

Mike: Relapsed at day 23. Already I can see that if I do quit this addiction, I will be completely able to have healthy sex with women. Along with my binge came a silver lining: Those first few times masturbating were very exciting, and it was to very softcore porn. My sexual tastes had begun to normalize. Very reassuring. This vanilla stuff wouldn’t even have been a blip on my radar four weeks ago, but now it drove me wild. Of course, as the binge continued I progressed onto more extreme material, again making all too clear how the addiction screws with my tastes. I had to escalate to more extreme material to get that same rush.

Shawn: It’s hard to believe that a year ago, the main thing that got me off was [transgender] porn. Arousal for [cis] women has boosted to a level I’d forgotten during years of porn viewing. I’m now seeing just how sensitive I am without masturbation to porn. My erections are rock hard, and they feel great. I love that even the lightest touch from my girlfriend makes me respond like crazy!

We humans may want to be more farsighted and selective about the sexual cues to which we wire our orgasms. Apparently a primitive, subconscious, and very persuasive, part of our brains doesn’t much care.

184 thoughts on “Can You Trust Your Johnson? (2011)”

  1. Comment posted by gay man on Psychology Today
    Subject: I can relate

    This article describes exactly what I have experienced. Although it is the reverse for myself. I am a gay male, I believe I was born gay, my first fantasies were about men and men have always aroused me, whereas women have aroused me very little. There were occasional moments during puberty when I found women sexually arousing, but they were short lived and had no substance. Similar to how a strait man may get the odd erection in gym class, or have a gay dream or fantasy during puberty. It is a strange time for us all.

    I became addicted to internet porn in my late teens, gay sex to me is very normal and natural and as your article described I lost interest in it over time. I became interested in strait porn and found myself increasingly losing interest in the male anatomy and developing a fetish for female genitalia.

    Some gay men are critical of female genitalia, claiming it is disgusting. I have never found it disgusting and quite frankly I don’t think many gay men do really, I just had no attraction to it before my porn viewing became excessive. New genres gradually replaced old ones in sexual appeal. To my shock I started to think that I could potentially be bisexual, so I arranged a meeting with a female escort to test out this possibility, however I did not experience much arousal and the situation felt wrong to me. It was completely different to porn.

    I decided to stop watching pornography and after being porn free for quite some time I can happily say my fetish for women has gone. Gay sex has returned to the norm for me.

    I can also add that during my porn escalation, transexual porn never became arousing to me in the slightest, despite the fact pre-operative transwomen have a penis. It would be like asking a strait man if he would have sex with a man that had a vagina, which I have to add is something that did appeal to me at one time, however I did not venture into it.

    Furthermore, I know several pre-operative transwomen and their sexual partners have all mostly been strait males who have sex with them and then never call them back or treat them badly. I believe this is brought on by the increase in transexual porn and it is absolutely terrible that they get treated this way, these women are being used as sex dolls for these type of men and it has to stop. Hopefully this article and any future articles you may write on the issue will shed some more light on this subject.

  2. A lesbian visitor posted this on Reuniting:

    First of all, I am a 20 year old lesbian. It took me forever to admit it to myself since i grew up in a “Gays to hell” household. I have a girlfriend that I am in love with, emotionally, physically, and sexually. We’ve been together almost 2 years.

    The past 6-8 months out of boredom, I began porn watching. I’ve always occasionally watched porn, but i’d say in the past 6-8 months is where is was around 5 times a week. To the point of staying up porn searching for hours, looking for a good porn. As others have said, I began to look more for extreme things (incest, rape, gangbang) all of which are OPPOSITE of what I find hot in real life, and I find them disgusting in real life. I also masturbate while watching porn. By the way, I am/was fully satisfied by my girl. But when I was at home (we don’t live together) I would watch porn for fun or out of boredom.

    If I couldn’t study, i’d watch porn to “relive” my stress and get it out of my system. When i was bored, I’d watch it. No one home, I’d watch it.

    I guess i didn’t realize I was actually getting HOOKED on it. I watch straight porn because lesbian porn bores me because i hate to see girls who act like lesbians who are really straight try and fake their lesbian acts. Therefore, I love straight porn and picturing myself as a guy in the porn though im a femme lesbian. Never pictured myself as the girl in porn.

    Anyway, within the past 2 weeks, i told my girlfriend I wanted to quit watching porn. I just realized i didn’t want to associate myself with any of the nasty (and more hardcore) things I had begun watching. So i quit, cold-turkey. Next few days, I realized i was looking at guys sexually.
    I mean every guy, as in the most ugly repulsing guy you can imagine and still thinking of him sexually.

    It scared me since although i can find a guy “hot” i never want to be with him that way. But this was a whole new thinking for me.

    And no, this is not my “unconscious” telling me something, seeing as how i spent 20 years trying to “make” myself straight and just recently came to terms with the fact that i love women as relationships, and guys as friends.

    I just noticed these “straight” thoughts flourished after stopping porn.
    What I think is that my mind saw naked males always having sex by me watching porn, so now that my brain isn’t seeing it/getting the pleasure it gets from masturbation while watching porn, it automatically is associating every guy i see with porn which means sex.

    Does this make sense to anyone else?

    I’m afraid because this has caused me to be emotionless to everything lately.
    Meaning my girlfriend, school, life, etc.

    It’s like I am having withdrawl symptoms of a real addiction such as drug addiction.
    Never thought porn addiction had such symptoms, but then again, i never thought i was “addicted” but am now having different thoughts.

    I’ve been experiencing: the straight thoughts, highs and lows, irritability, emotionless, etc. since stopping watching porn/masturbating.

    Do you think once I finally get over my body not being exposed to porn that these thoughts will stop of associating every guy with sex when I know that’s not what I want/how I am wired?

    By the way, when i think of guys when i see them, its just sexually, and it’s mainly their penis.
    Kind of just like in porn.

    This is so annoying.
    Do you think stopping porn will help this go away for good? It’s been about a week and a half or so.

    1. Part of a forum member’s reply:

      Porn kinda messes with one’s preferences no matter who you were before you got hooked. It affects people of all ages, races, gender, religions and socio-economic backgrounds. There are things I used to be repulsed by that I still find highly triggering and erotic that I don’t let my mind focus on. When you first separate from porn you can’t help but think about them because they have been part of your masturbation ritual for so long they are like the sexual wallpaper of our lives. Fill in the blanks of whatever your favorite video was and that’s what I mean.

      I know the feeling when you just wish it would go away and it doesn’t and that can be frightening and disconcerting. Yet, you can and will heal if you make a plan and follow through with it. Yes, I do think you are experiencing part of the complex of emotions and physiological effect of porn withdrawal. It is intense but if you stick with it you will get through to a place that is something like who you used to be before you started using porn and in your case that means you will not question being a lesbian and be perfectly content with your sexuality and who you really are inside.

      I’m a heterosexual male but over the years of attempts to quit I began involuntarily checking out other guys junk. It was as if suddenly I realized all these men had penis’s like mine and I realized that it was possible to look at them the same way I would check out a woman. I never questioned my sexuality but it did kind of weird me out. I would think to myself “What the hell am I doing – I don’t like guys?” I had this guitar teacher who always wore these tight pants and inevitably during the lesson my eyes couldn’t help but look in the direction of his crotch and he noticed I did it once. How unbelievably awkward! That is a much rarer event today I assure you and less worrisome.

      Anyway, you aren’t alone and there’s a whole bunch of research on this site that highlights the plastic changes in the brain that result from porn addiction and the things that happen during withdrawal.

    2. Another reply to her from forum:

      The HOCD starts after you quit porn because it is a withdrawal symptom, just as some people get anxiety when they try to get off a drug (or porn). In our case, it just manifests as the worry about sexual orientation, because frankly that’s connected to our porn use. (Material that didn’t match our sexual orientation)

       Until I read that “Whoever you want to kiss defines your sexual orientation” I never pictured guys in that sense. Then all of a sudden I started thinking about THAT. That’s HOCD in a nutshell basically, any situation will be twisted and warped to being “gay” or “straight.”

       HOCD plays tricks, it creates situations in your mind and fools you into believing things, I woke up one morning after 30+days of no porn, and for half a day I was convinced I’d turned 100% homosexual over-night. I was terrified, the thought of never being able to love a woman again sent me into depression, until I met my girlfriend later that day, whereupon it totally vanished. 

       The point is whatever “feelings” you get while suffering from HOCD can’t be trusted. I read on a HOCD forum a year or so ago that a guy had HOCD so bad he actually came out to his family and friends, but was still straight!

       Mine vanished after around 2-3 months without looking at transexual porn, I can’t say exactly how long because quite frankly I just stopped counting and thinking about it. You really have to just change your thoughts instantly when a thought pops up. The longer you go without porn and keep ignoring those obsessive thoughts, the easier and easier it will eventually get!

    3. Reply from another lesbian

      I experienced a bit of sexual confusion when I was heavily erotica/fantasy addicted. I also experienced gender confusion.

  3. A gay forum member on Reuniting shared this:

    Oh, an interesting thing happened – you know how straight men get into tranny stuff? Well, a few weeks ago, I found myself getting into STRAIGHT porn. For some reason, I found sex between a man and a woman real hot (who would’ve ever thought?) – at the same time, I was aware of feeling really wrong about it – hence, it was stimulating, I suppose. I totally related to how straight men here who got into tranny porn explained their experience.

  4. Thank you
    Wow. Thanks for this very valuable bit of information! For some reason I just never thought it would happen the other way round.

  5. Escalation to shemale porn

    During my teens, watching a picture of a woman in a tight skirt was enough porn for me…then it was only orgies that excited me…then only lesbians…and for the past few years, only shemales. During 2009-2010, a very petite Indonesian girl friend, and near the end of our relationship, the only way I could come while having sex with her was closing my eyes and thinking she was a shemale (like the ones I watch on the Internet), which was pretty scary because the porn I was watching was somehow transferring to the real life. And now I am seeking transexual porn where the “girls” look like the Indonesian girl I mentioned.

  6. This comment appeared on Psychology Today
    under the PT version of this article:

    I just wanted to make a note that this article is leaving out these same effects on females. My sister and I (female) both have a mild porn addiction, which has desensitized each of our abilities to climax. We both recently discovered that, unbeknownst to us, we look at the same kinky, S&M-type porn in order to get off now. We also started looking at porn from a very young age, together– just being silly and searching for words and images when we were about ten and twelve. The search for more stimulating porn has led me (not my sister) to worry about my sexuality. I currently identify as straight, but mainly the porn and my fantasies make me wonder, constantly, about my sexuality.

    It would be interesting to address these same issues from this article, but in relation to both genders. Knowing that my sister is going through similar problems is very comforting. I imagine other women would like to know the same.

  7. Another comment from “Psychology Today”

     I’m bisexual because I like my women to be women and my men to be men, I think if you prefer anything feminine [including transexuals] and dislike masculinity you can’t really call yourself anything other than “mostly straight.”

    However, I do agree that pornography can distort ones sexual tastes, my own personal experiences have shown me this. Some of the men and women I have slept with over the last several years have been different to the men and women I slept with just ten years ago, simply for the fact that the things they do are more in line with pornographic acts rather than having sex. A woman I slept with recently asked me if I wanted to perform anal sex on her, I’ve never enjoyed it (with men or women) so I declined and she almost seemed relieved, like it was some sort of normal thing to do that is expected of women. Also it takes forever for a lot of men to climax nowadays, in fact my last boyfriend suffered from this delayed ejaculation and he was a very heavy porn user, I didn’t make the connection then though.

    Reading these posts about people with HOCD does nothing but show me they are suffering from an awful mental illness, I’m sure other bisexual and gay people would agree. My bisexuality didn’t cause me anxiety and pain in regards to finding other men attractive, I didn’t question myself 24/7 for years on end if I saw a guy on the street who was hot, the only thing that made me a little anxious was how people would react to finding out I liked guys as well as girls.

    I find your articles very informative, Gary. Please keep us posted.

  8. I’m questioning if I was ever even bisexual…
    I’ve always liked girls from the beginning when I was a child, even at a young age I figure out ways to masturbate was before even clearly knowing what it or sex was. The only time I thought I was interested in men is was through a screen. Ever since then I’ve been masturbating in front of a computer…sometimes it would be once a day, others more than once and now its almost 5-10 times a day. As I’ve grown up, I think I’ve developed similar to what another homosexual user has posted about having a ‘fetish’ for a girls. Before this, I’d have a rare same sex fantasy, nothing I ever really considered acting on. But now, these fantasies and my porn viewing are far more frequent always have a twist them. I don’t know if you’d classify this as an extremity, but for some reason, I’ve gained this attraction to weight fetish of the male body (A.K.A), Bears. The sexual thought of any other body type disgusted, but for some reason I’m real turned on by this. The thought of being dominated and possibly raped (though I’ve never viewed any rape-like porno) is arousing. I don’t know if this is the reason for my decreased interest in girls, but I’ve feared I’ve turned gay over it, I think I have HOCD and OCD symptoms because of my low dopamine since I constantly argue with myself in my head trying to make shut up. If I concentrated, was calm and didn’t acknowledge my fear of not getting it up, I was aroused by sexual thoughts of women. But whenever I’m anxious or worried, that arousal wouldn’t happen. I’ve noticed by the 12-day sober PMO experiment, that I was more easily aroused by girls. But this has been going on for so long and I’m so drained and weak that I don’t know whats is really what anymore…

    1. The only way to find out about sexuality
      is to unhook from porn for awhile.  Many men who get hooked on porn that doesn’t match their sexual orientation find their tastes revert to pre-Internet porn days. Nothing to lose.

      Good luck

  9. Advice on forum
    One guy to another:

    You would be surprised how much porn can warp your sexuality. A lot of people, including myself, progressed to strange porn and fapped to things that we would not normally be attracted to. This can definitely cause some confusion and cause you to doubt who you are. That’s just the nature of porn addiction. Keep continuing the reboot and I bet in 90 days you will find that you will have a clear understanding of what you are attracted to.

  10. Comment
    from forum user:

    “When I fapped all the time I naturally went to more and more extreme material as time went on. My extreme material was young girls. From 10 to 16 years old – hentai, models, CP; didn’t matter, I loved it.

    I often caught myself looking at young girls when they would happen to be wherever I am. But I would never dream of doing anything with them. However I always found myself to be awkward around them (like my niece for example) because I had so much trouble separating them from the sexual thoughts of little girls in my mind.

    Today I noticed something in myself. Lately my taste in women has been far more mature and developed. I used to look at women with big boobs – Like D’s and above – and think ‘Meh, too large,’ but lately I’ve just been thinking ‘Ooh… Boobies’ when encountering the same boobs. It has been weeks since I’ve looked at a young girl and thought of her as sexually attractive. I feel great because of it. Because of this shift in my mind I’m starting to feel like my mental age is actually closer to my physical age. (They’re about 3 years apart rather than 5 or 6)

    TL;DR: I think cutting out PMO may have helped me fix my ephebophilia/pedophilia.”

  11. From a female forum member
    She wrote:

    The frequency of my masturbation continued and I started viewing porn more often than usual. I’d stay up very late at night to do it so I would have alone private time for it. I finally started viewing certain fetish stuff that intrigued me for a while but I never went to much before unless I stumbled upon it. PMO became a nightly and daily routine. I’d fit it in as much as possible. I don’t know when it started but somewhere along the line I started viewing a bit too extreme material. I’m one of those geeky girls which loves anime and so of course that led to me viewing hentai more frequently. Now if any of you here have ever viewed hentai you know some of the messed up stuff that can be in it: tentacles (a total “WTF” thing), rape, incest, monsters, futanari (she-males) gangbangs etc. I know some of this is in regular porn as well. I’ve viewed it all by now and at one point or another I’ve enjoyed these things. It’s kind of alarming because years ago I would have laughed or turned away from this sort of stuff. I viewed normal porn for a while with two non-drawn human beings and it got a bit more extreme. This is where it gets shameful and messed up to me… Eventually it was only hentai or drawn/digitally animated characters that could turn me on anymore. There were no imperfections in them. Nothing to get turned off by. Eventually I was no longer attracted to the males in the shows very often, I found myself wondering if I was “turning bi-sexual or lesbian” because of the beautiful big busted hentai girls that I was getting turned on by. I found myself searching for unrealistic sized breasts or some sort of other fetish related stuff and most nights it was the only thing I could get off to. I’d spend hours searching for the right clips and then take another hour to three to get off. Then finally when I typed in something along the lines of “big breasted dickgirl lesbians” or “lesbian hentai girls having sex” in a searchbar or something similar to that I knew I couldn’t do this anymore. I’ve always been drawn to large breasts or breasts in particular: who doesn’t find them attractive? But I’ve never wanted to have a girlfriend or be sexual, kiss, or experiment with another girl so looking these things up completely baffled me. I knew I was a straight female years ago. I still do, but I’d be craving these images to help me get off… these fake drawn images (sometimes real if the breasts or dicks or animations are large or dramatic enough). I’d still find myself attracted to guys to porn some night, but when the initial excitement wore off I’d end up turning to other fetish related stuff that they could do. (I’d rather not type out that certain fetish as of right now.)

    Me now: That was a lot harder to type than I expected. So here I am, early 20’s still a virgin and have lost my “true libido” early in life. I respond to physical touch sometimes, but I don’t get very wet unless close to orgasm. I don’t have many days that I feel horny almost all throughout the day like I used to. It comes in very small bouts. My arousal has turned more into a need for orgasm than a need or desire for actual sex.

  12. Porn-induced foot fetish & ED: Healed
    LINK – thomaslewisMay 20, 2012

    Hey it’s easy. Stop beating off so much and your **** will be back to normal buddy.

    You’re talking to the living breathing example of this. Used to be addicted to foot fetish porn and couldn’t get it up for actual sex. You have no idea how embarrassing that is. Then I got into a situation where I couldn’t look at porn for a month and a half, and couldn’t beat off either. I took it as an opportunity and rarely bat off. I think I did it like 3 times in a month and a half period. HOLYYY SHOOTTT, was waking up rock solid erections. It was like the old days again!! I’d have to focus all my energy into making it go back down because it would HURT!! MAN!! I THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS OVERRRR!!! Then I stopped beating off and looking at internet porn 🙂

    They say masturbation is okay, and doctors even encourage it. The truth is, masturbating is NOT okay. It should be considered a LAST RESORT option. When you beat off, you deplete your sexual energy, and this trickles down into many aspects of your life. Just like buddy’s dad says in American pie: “it’s not a game”

  13. from yourbrainrebalanced.com

    I agree. I’ve been trying to reboot for the past 50 plus days, but I’ve relapse 3 times. And i went through one period where I managed 43 days. When I went back to porn I surprised that I had no interest to MO to pre-op transexual and gay porn, I was more interested in the female body.

    The thing is a part of me is actually sad that I’m not as aroused by the thought of transwomen as I used to be, because I don’t have a problem with being pansexual. But it’s a price worth paying. LINK

  14. had started to place myself as the girl in the videos more and

    Porn is other people having sex and you watching. This breeds all kinds of messed up…

    Think about that. How healthy can that be to watch other people have fun, always yourself being a non-participant?

    Honestly it can’t be all that good. IDK about you, but I was starting to get somewhat messed up in my view of sexuality.

    It feels scary admitting it, and I’ll probably delete this comment, but I had started to place myself as the girl in the videos more and more. You might think I’m gay, or bi, but the honest truth is that I never notice guys or men in real life, just girls. Not turned on by gay porn either. So what the hell? Why did I begin to be turned on by thinking of myself as having sex with guys? I’m not a virgin, have a girl, and never had erectile problems, just loss of interest.

    Honestly I believe it was due to porn. It reinforced for many years my self-placed beta-position of a watcher and non-participant, and so it became that I began to think of myself as someone who will NEVER be able to do that to girls, and to instead become the girl even in my thoughts. Weird kind of sublimation, the burying of active desire into passive receiving of both images and scenes and imaginary jizz, perhaps because it’s easier to imagine being a participant that way. The girls always go for other guys in porn, never you. All hot girls go for other guys. Maybe I should go to these guys too… This is messed up, and it might be that I’m wrong about not even being bi, but I don’t think so. I just know that if I go even a few weeks without porn, without seeing other penises touching hot girls, this strange feeling abates more and more, and my straightness re-emerges

    GUY 2)

    You’re not alone. I found after porn binges I would fantasize about being the girl, or even crossdressing. I am not attracted to guys at all but I do find women’s sexuality to enviable. In some way I guess I wanted to be the center of the sexual attention the same way the porn girls are.

    Since my porn diet I have had less and less thoughts along those lines.

    GUY 3)

    I’ve found myself thinking and behaving similarly. Its like I don’t know how to participate in social or sexual situations – I just sort of freeze. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to do, I feel like my participation in the discussion or whatever situation it is would be unnatural, that my lot in life is that of the Watcher. I now realize that addiction to PMO has, if not sown the seeds of this tendency, then exacerbated it and led me to believe that there is something wrong with me. Of course, in a way, there is something wrong with me: I’m addicted to watching other people having sex and have a hard time even imagining myself in the same situation. All of my fantasies are visual. None are tactile, none involve me actually having sex. Since discovering nofap and coming to realize that there is a set of behavioral and neurological reasons why I feel this sense of unease, this constant anxiety and these crippling hang-ups about women, love, and sex I have felt much better about myself. I now know I can change and take on this problem. Feels good. Better than fapping, that’s for sure.

    GUY 4)

    Chalk it up to being desensitized by too much porn. It is not uncommon for men to seek out stanger porn when regular porn doesn’t do it for them anymore. That is also probably the point where ED can become an issue. There is no reason to question your sexuality. Get off the porn and you will become resensitized to women and not porn. I realize that you are still looking at straight porn, but switching roles in your mind seems to be a first step towards desensitization.

    GUY 5)

    Many good points made here.

    I remember first realizing this the first time and thinking how strange of me to imagine these things. I started forcing myself to think from the male perspective because it bothered me so much.

    GUY 6)

    Wow this hits close to home. I have never been big on porn, but I get in phases where I do it for a couple months at a time. But the reason I commented was because I have developed an unusual masturbation technique over the years. While masturbating (mostly without porn when I do this method) I often imagine me as the girl. For some reason, it always made me “get in the mood” and orgasm faster. And same here, I am not gay in the least bit. But I figured this wasn’t healthy either, so I am slowly trying to quit

    GUY 7)

    I honestly experienced everything this guy did in this post. With me I’d edge to being the girl, it is really really creepy in retrospect. porn is becoming distasteful for me!!!

    GUY 8)

    Your assessment is quite accurate, I think. I would bet that the explosion of porn has led to an increase in the “cuckold” or “wife-watcher” fantasy. No sources for that, but just a feeling – you watch so much porn, you want it to be real life, so you try and convince your wife to bang other dudes… so that you can watch… just like with porn. Yet another reason to stay away from porn and just try to interact with real humans as much as possible.

    GUY 9)

    Yeah – porn addiction does fucked up things to you. Towards the end I was veering all over the place. Your emotions get so screwed up, basically you are hurting and trying to fill it with the biggest hit you can find, that pleasure is maximised by going further than before, and ironically that makes the hurt worse.

    Quit forever and you will rediscover your true self in time.

    GUY 10)

    I used to watch exclusively lesbian porn, because it eased my conscience a bit. While man-on-girl porn made me cringe because I knew the girl wasn’t enjoying it half as much as she was pretending to be, and because I didn’t want to slowly become a predatory macho-beast that seeks sex above all else, I assumed (incorrectly) that lesbian sex was the safe gray area.

    My reasoning went like this: lesbians are probably enjoying for real (which they weren’t) and lesbian porn keeps me from becoming a porn addict who has disregard for women (which it didn’t).

    So I spent a lot of time watching lesbian porn and thinking that it wasn’t having all the bad effects on me. In real life, I started having disregard for women because ANY FORM of porn molds your brain into esteeming your own orgasm over anything else. You get into a cycle where you become a servant to your penis and this is dangerous, no matter what sort/form of porn you’re addicted to.

    Load of crap.

    GUY 11)

    This is one of the best posts I’ve read on nofap. Thanks for your honesty and insight.

    I can relate to this, actually. The role of non-participant/watcher has never made as much sense as after reading your post.

    Wow. This explains so much of what has happened in my life

    GUY 12)

    Hey, I had something similar. When I would watch porn, I’d have to make sure that the guy I’m watching was attractive. Of course, the girl would be too, but I’d focus on the guy and think, “Man, this guy is lucky. He has a great body, awesome sex life – I wish I could be him.”

    But now, I’m working on improving myself, instead of sitting around hopelessly and enviously fapping.

    GUY 13)

    Man, don’t sweat it. The mind is a complex thing. There’s a big difference between fantasy and reality. Porn fucks with our sense of reality and who we are. From porn, I, too, start believing in my head that I’m no good at real sex so I have to fantasize through porn actors that I’m fucking the shit out of someone else. Fucks with my head. That’s why I’m getting off of PMOing. It takes time. Remember, porn’s making you have thoughts and fantasies that you’d likely not have otherwise. And just because you have fantasies involving the same sex, that does not mean you are gay. Just as a gay man can fantasize about straight sex, that does not mean he’s straight. Hang tough.

     

  15. crossdresser porn is a shemale porn addiction that has escalated

    LINK

    I think crossdresser porn is a shemale porn addiction that has escalated. They are the combo of a lot of porn and fetishs I have. For example, I like porn with women in high heels, stockings, lingeries etc. I also like more amateur porn than profissional porn. I like shemale porn. And I like porn with women who look young. So, if you ask me, is much more easy to find a video of an amateur young crossdresser in stockings and heels than a shemale in the same conditions. Even in youtube it’s easier to find a young crossdresser in heels than a shemale.

    I didn’t was interested in any of this before I started to watch internet porn. Just real girls of my age. Now i like BBB, BBW, Milf, Tranny, Crossdresser, Fat, Skinny, Teen, I even watched granny porn once to see if I was into it. See? I thougt that was my SEXUALITY. I never thought actually I developed it by watching porn.

    If I’ve had given granny porn a chance, I would like it now too. Once I saw few seconds of a bisexual video (one woman, two guys) and I started to feel that “taboo” feeling, but I didn’t give it a chance, did not masturbate to it and changed the video. So, I don’t watch bisexual videos and have no cravings about it. That’s because I didn’t gave it a chance. But I gave a chance to every other kind of porn I’m into right now.

    I remember, for example, when I was 17, a friend of mine told me about some fatty chick he was fucking. I knew her and wasn’t attracted to her. I didn’t like fat girls and didn’t understood why he liked. So when I came home I started to look for porn with fat girls to see if I was into it, I wasn’t… until I started to masturbate to it. Then again the next day. And again and again. Now I love fat chicks. And it started in the ‘virtual world”. I wasn’t attracted to fat girls before that day. But since I didn’t know about internet porn addiction, I thought my sexuality was something concrete, and that I was discovering tastes, not creating them. Now I know the damage I has done because of my lack of knowledge about this addiction. I experimented a lot of porn to understand my sexuality without knowing I was morphing it! I don’t mind the bbw, milf, bbb, teen, skinny stuff. What makes me angry is liking shemale porn and crossdressing porn. And I developed HOCD because of it.

    One of the things that make rebooting difficult is how hard you try to avoid thinking of the porn you want to get rid off. I’m struggling thinking about shemale porn and crossdressing, and having cravings etc., because I HATE LIKING THAT KIND OF PORN. Like when you tell someone to NOT think about a yellow elephant. There was I time I was into watching videos with women and horses, but I didn’t thought it was taboo, actually. So one day I decided it was wrong and gross, and closed my accounts on those kind of sites. I wasn’t angry, wasn’t feeling shame. I just thought it was better not to watch it. Today I have no cravings about it, I don’t feel I need to watch it too. I KNOW that if I watch it, maybe I will like. But it’s not something that I want to do, it doesn’t bugs me.

    But I don’t face the crossdresser porn and shemale porn the same way. I don’t wan’t to watch it because I hate me when I do. I hate liking it. And that’s the way you make things more difficult. You can’t think you don’t wan’t to watch it because you’ll hate you if you do. If I was rebooting because of my addiction to fat girls porn, thinking I didn’t want to watch them anymore, all my cravings would be of fat girls. When you reboot, you need to be gentle to yourself, you need to ACCEPT that maybe the porn you want to stop liking will always be exciting to you. You can’t think you want to STOP liking those videos. You have to accept that maybe you’ll always like the stuff you are afraid of, because thinking this way will help your rebooting. Also, I think mindfullness meditation is the best thing for those trying to reboot.

    If you read my other posts you’ll see I was going in the wrong approach of rebooting. I was angry with my porn addiction. Thats bad.

    ps: pardon my english (lol), english isn’t my first language

     

  16. HOCD – Need to blog my reboot

    Hi All,

    This is going to be a fairly long post so bear with me.

    Background –

    I first starting MO’ing at around 13/14 – first it was to pictures of women in bikinis and bra’s. Then at 15/16 I built up a collection of lil clips pretty straight forward vanilla stuff. I have never had sex but have had girlfriends – kissing / handjobs etc. But not full sex. Needless to say I have always had low confidence and this held me back from pursuing girls. However the porn was a place to escape so from the age of 21 I have been downloading scenes. I have been through a range of genres to pretty hardcore but always the main focus was women.

    Present –

    I am now 24. Since March/April this year my porn use has escalated to Tran/ Gay porn. Now the funny thing is my porn use was still 80% straight 20% other. Now theres a girl at work I have a crush on really bad get butterflies in my stomach and she seems pretty interested – but because I havent had sex before and I always had performance anxiety so I kind of shied away from any companionship ( I know recurring cycle). So in order to get better I decided to go without porn for a week. Now this is when the HOCD first arrived. As I was still watching mostly straight porn when I used to PMO to it and and tran/gay I still felt straight its weird I was fine – it was just that the tran/ gay stuff was forbidden – I felt guilty after but the rush was good. Almost like when I first discovered porn. But during this first week of reboot HOCD came on bad.

    Now I have been doing my research on here and thank you to you all – so I knew that the dopamine rush was highest from Tran/gay stuff as that was the most recent thing that gave me a kick. This HOCD has me feeling like shit – I have lost close family members and felt sad but this was something else. I wont go as far as saying suicide but I felt my life was over. The HOCD had me thinking alot of things I never thought before. I always fancied girls but HOCD makes me think I have always been gay thats why I never succeeded with them.

    I am now 4 weeks into a reboot and there has been progress made but the HOCD has also changed. Let me give you a description;

    Week 1 –

    Tran/ Gay flashbacks all the time couldn’t eat, Nauseating anxiety then Dopamine rush arousal all the time. Going to work in the financial industry(male dominated) it was hell. The constant testing – My attraction to women was null at this point. Very bad times. I deleted all my porn and bookmarks. one Dream about PMO to gay fantasy. Still no PMO

    Week 2 –

    I felt abit better – I was getting hard-ons to women but these were “porn” hard ons not genuine hard-ons ( I know you guys will know what I mean). I read a article in the newspaper by some gay man – I spiked stopped eating again back to week one. one Dream about PMO to gay fantasy. Still no PMO

    Week 3 –

    Still seeing men and getting porn flashbacks – Worst time for this is at night before i go to bed. Some Improvements since no PMO I realise how much spare time I have and I have alot of spare time – Im now really bored. Its really made me look at how my life. I used to search for constant novelty – Always on facebook looking at girls / ebay looking at clothes etc. I now really like getting out the house even if its going to see friends. Some social improvements the social anxiety from before is disappearing – I used to speak really low – now theres more base in my voice I like to conversate. I have noticed this at work I feel alot more social. The only thing i want to get back to is the gym but I am still too scared I may get the anxiety then arousal. Still no PMO

    Week 4 –

    The porn flashbacks are disappearing. The HOCD is changing now thought which is good and bad. Its weird Its almost as if I like the HOCD because I’ll bring it on myself ( sounds strange I know) . I have had some good days been they always end bad because I always test its almost as if secretly I want to have the HOCD. I am starting to get some attraction back to woman – just general fantasy like kissing and rubbing I am getting some erections. I am getting morning wood now aswell. But my general libido towards woman is so low still no desire. The HOCD is different now. Its gone from hard sex visuals in my mind now its telling I would rather want a relationship with a man than with a woman. Throughout this week it has attached itself to each one of my colleagues but I laugh it off because it will go and im fine around them. Now its attached itself to someone form my secondary school bizarre its like its clutching at straws.

    I have made significant change to my home life. Done some feng shui – cleaned out my room want a new fresh start. I have bought a macbook Air and will be getting rid of the desktop which for years has been my ally in PMO. I will replace the desk with a easel for drawing and painting.

    And will get back to drawing. Also want to get back into the gym I believe this will help my confidence

    Week 5 (just started this week) –

    I am having flashbacks of more vanilla porn and having urges to PMO again. This happens alot more when Im at home and bored. But the flip side is im outside and testing all the time. This is my main issue its the testing and 24 hour thoughts on the subject. I look at the girl from work I fancy and shes attractive but still feel nothing no libido its weird. I do now think of girls get a better erection say 45% and then a mans face will flash in my brain. Overall things are slowly getting better but the things with HOCD is the constant need to know its gone so I constantly think I will be like this for the rest of my life even though Im only 5 weeks in. I think I will need at least 5-6 months off but its that constant need for instant gratification that its now over. I have lost some weight in this past month and because of the HOCD it has prohibited me from asking this lady out – I want to but still am very scared things will go wrong and it will lead to a big spike and knock me back. So for now Im just taking everyday as it comes and trying to deal with the boredom. and Still no PMO – I am adamant on no PMO at all – have been tempted to just watch porn to see if i get attracted to women but I think it will hinder progress.

    I had alot to get off my chest –

    Tks All

  17. Addicted to shemale porn and delayed ejaculation

    What drove me to Nofap?

    I use to be able to last longer than four hours wearing a condom. After years of PMO I discovered that sex with condom made me feel absolutely nothing, even ED happened one time (it was a very big deal for me). I could feel sex without condom, but it wasn’t the same as it was before (when I was 18). I didn’t feel the intense pleasure as if I could blow up any second, I just felt a minor thing. I knew something was wrong, and I kind of knew it had something to do with daily PMO. I tried stopping but I wasn’t sure if it would help, so I didn’t. Not until I discovered Gary Wilson by accident.

    What turned me on before in comparison to now? (best be careful while reading, skip it if it makes you edge)

    Regular porn didn’t do it anymore, I looked into all sorts of different women, different positions, different holes, it just didn’t suffice anymore. Someone trolled me by sending a shemale porn video, and that did it. A woman that wasn’t really a woman, the idea turned me on. This fetish stuck on me for many years (maybe five or six). It didn’t go stale because I took pleasure in hunting for shemales that looked exactly like girls, with or without male genitalia. I knew it was hurting my sexuality, but I just continued. I pondered over whether or not I was gay, but I just didn’t feel attracted to men as I did to women. Women are the most beautiful thing on earth and I was missing it. After three months of nofap, if a girl so much as glance at my general direction it turns me on. Not only that, they feel like magnets to me. I’m extremely drawn to women and I want to interact and touch them. When I saw women before nofap, I would walk by thinking, “I don’t care about you, bye”. Today is the completely opposite, I’m drawn to most women in a primitive way. I absolutely love it. Porn doesn’t exist for me anymore.

    What other changes have you noticed?

    I ain’t going to say I’m anxiety free. But it did diminish like 80% from what it use to be. At this pace I will be anxiety free pretty soon. So, let me make a little list to make this easier on the eye.

    • Much less anxiety
    • Boner anytime
    • Confidence
    • Desire to meet people and to go out (I wasn’t as SAP as some of you, but if you are extremely SAP and three months doesn’t cut it, hang in there)
    • 100% increase in sensibility
    • Women detection radar (every girl within a thirty yard radius will be noticed immediately)
    • 100% increase in focus (no more ADHD like symptoms, now I can finish things I start)

    During this time I went in and out of a relationship, made new friends, went through new experiences and I lived much more than I would have done so before.

    What happened when I fapped?

    When I fapped every day (several times per day), if someone called me to go out, I would immediately dismiss it. Even though I thought women were extremely attractive, I felt zero desire to try anything with them, because I was always ‘satisfied’ sexually. As a teenager I went through a period where I fapped about ten times a day (and this is no exaggeration, sometimes it would be more than that), as I grew older, it got to a steady three to four times a day, every day. I had panic attacks for a while, then anxiety attacks, then extreme ADHD symptoms (where I couldn’t focus on anything, abandoned everything I started). I felt guilty after every PMO session. People said I shouldn’t feel guilty, and that everything porn-related is normal, but I felt a strong sense of shame that I couldn’t help.

    Bottom line

    Changed my life from head to toe (I literally bulked up, because I started going to the gym as well). I didn’t get super powers like someone of you claim, but I definitely gained a newly found (or re-found) love for women, especially the delicate ones, makes me want to embrace and protect them. Guys, it’s damn worth it, don’t give up. Changes may seem very slow and almost non-existential at first but if you compare to what you were before you started, you will notice hell of a lot difference after three months.

    LINK – 90 days reporting in. (Brutally honest)

  19. HOCD started hen I realized I preferred porn to my girlfriend

    What’s interesting is I think the HOCD started for me not because I watched gay or trans porn, because I was confident in my “heterosexuality” not to get into that.  It was when I didn’t feel passion for my girlfriend like I always wanted to (even from the first date, though I knew she was perfect for me and was cute as a button), and then I realized I preferred porn to her. 

    The fact that I finally met the girl I always wanted (girl of my dreams), and I didn’t feel it with her made me wonder if I was gay. 

    But now that I’m off PMO for 16 days, I’m beginning to see for real what I really saw in her.  I see love for her, and the love for women I had.  I’m remembering the beautiful moments I always dreamed of having with a love, and I’m beginning to finally experience them.  The HOCD is still there right now, but it’s much more tolerable, knowing I love her for real, and not those 2-D women.

    LINK to thread

  20. Beating HOCD

    I’ll tell my story here. Last years I gradually started to have gay thoughts – they are very rare. Once, coming back from a party, I thought “what if I have sex with a guy?”. And yes, I had porn addiction, always masturbating and thinking about crazy fantasies (including gay). But that never interfered in my sexual orientation. So, after I got ED with an old woman, she asked me “are you gay?”. Then my mind got blown away. Because I thought to myself “what is the MEANING of the gay thoughts that I previously had?”. What if I have a gay/bi side? My HOCD is the Spectrum one, when you can’t stop doubting if you have an “other side”.

    So I got OCD. In the beginning was hard, I got suicidal, destroyed my life and all the stuff you’re used to.

    So, after 1 year, I really beat OCD, used Schwartz method and others. I discovered YBOP and know I made the link. Why my obsessions are always SEXUAL and never walk hands to hands with a guy? Obviously because the last one I could immediately dismiss as something I disgust and will never do. So I started to think that arousal addiction could have validated in my brain that gay sex was rewarding and then fucked up with my life – because I’m not gay, never was, never will be.

    Is it really possible that arousal addiction cause HOCD?

    LINK to thread

  21. My manly man likes to see she-male porn! Is this a common fetish
    My manly man likes to see she-male porn! Is this a common fetish for men? – THREAD

    My husband of five years is looking at shemales. He’s always had a healthy sexual appetite. However, he has been less interested in me lately and has been acting suspicious so I started monitering his computer. He looks at craig’s list everyday, in our area, under erotic services from t4m (transvestites for men).

    My husband is a man’s man so I was very floored when I discovered this. He doesn’t like to dress in woman’s clothing, that I know of, so I don’t think that it is because he is a transvestite himself. I’m confused. I’ve read all kinds of forums and some people say that there is no way he’s gay because gay men are not attracted to femininity. Others say straight men would never be turned-on by someone with a penis. However, what if he is gay but is ashamed etc. and feels that searching for a woman with a penis is a suitable compromise for now? This may be too personal, but I feel it is relevant, he has a thing for anal sex (which I will oblige occasionally) and only likes to have sex “doggie style”. I’ve never thought these details strange until now.

    I just need some opinions on whether or not straight (not bi or gay) men could be turned on by transvestites enough to look at them everyday. Yes, I will eventually ask him myself, but for know, I’m really not supposed to have found out this information (I used a keylogger because he deletes his entire history every time he’s on the computer..hence 1 suspicious action). I really don’t want to cause a problem in our relationship with this fact if this is just some common fetish that most people would never persue physically.

  22. GUY 1)  It appears we have

    GUY 1)  It appears we have all been going in the same direction. Child porn sickens me and always has. But i have seen my porn habits and preferences change so dramatically over the years that anything is possible should one continue down this road.

    GUY 2) Exactly. Way back in the day it was bikini pictures, then couples having sex. Then magazines where it was couples or threesomes; occasionally small groups. Then internet porn came along and it was MMF all the time, then gangbangs, larger groups.

    Then in the last 5 years I’d moved to alien porn, monsters fucking chicks, tentacle porn, violent mysogyny, forced sex, rape, gangrape, face rape, anal rape. Then choking, slapping, shaking, strangulation and strangulation snuff. Then snuff in groups then stabbing, shooting snuff, necrophilia and gore soaked necrophilia.

    It took me about 15 years to get here and 15 years ago I could never, ever, possibly have imagined that a decade and half later I would be jacking off to pictures/video (staged!!) of a roomful of chicks being shot to death and violated post mortem.

    Inconceivable. Yet here we are. (LINK to thread)

  23. this topic is very realistic

    this topic is very realistic and i would say,  disturbing … my lowest point was similar, girl in the bed, and me looking at pr0n in desperate attempt of getting an erection… since that i stopped dating and meeting any girl basically because i’m afraid it will happen again… i know that probably i’ll have performance issues next time but i’m determined to success in reboot, and i’ll think about performance later

    in pr0n perspective, i’ve reached the level where even usual pr0n i always liked and used, which was already kinky, wasn’t even close to enough for an erection…  stuff i need is not at all related to any kind of sex and i’m ashamed of stuff i watch and fantasize about

    (LINK to thread)

  24. Lowest point? Three actually

    Lowest point? Three actually and there are pretty strong trigger scenes as i have seen people mention that there needs to be a disclaimer:

    1. Lying on a bed, having my dick sucked by a guy and not getting it up. and you know what the worst thing is? I was watching porn on his phone and getting sucked at the same time and i could not get it up. I left guys and my “gaysm” there and then and never looked back. Left porn for some time too but came back to it after some time.
    2. Watching a chick eating shit and being pissed on at the same time. What the fuck was i thinking? Rebooted for some time too before going back to it.
    3. Losing out my pharmacy diploma and losing my girlfriend on the same day due to porn and procrastination.

    That is when i went bam! I need a new start and here I am, day 2

    (LINK to thread)

  25. Can’t orgasm unless watching kinky porn…

    Can’t orgasm unless watching kinky porn…

    I’m a woman who has not had an orgasm during sex (penetrative or oral) before. Based on previous answers, I guess this is something that might change with time and practice, but the problem is I am only able to come when masturbating to kinky porn (mostly gangbang). My SO is definitely not into that, and I’m worried that regular sex will never turn me on enough to get me to come. Should I be concerned?? How can I wean myself off this?

  26. Porn CAN alter a person’s sexual tastes.

    Guess I’m gonna just be a ditto bot here, but I want to agree with so many points…

    -Porn can make you feel asexual. I’ve felt nothing short of sexually empty most of the time in the last few years around girls. They could feel it from me, and it’s always been difficult to be around any women near sexual eligibility to me for any period of time. This has been going on as far back as late high school for my case. That’s 9 years now as of yesterday.

    -Porn CAN alter a person’s sexual tastes. This happened for my case lightning fast. I’ll have to describe this in further detail in my blog when I write it, because I can’t get so graphic here, as to adequately explain how badly porn knocked me out of sexual norms.

    And right now I’m in a shame stage of my recovery with no professionals in my area knowledgeable of the subject enough to console me in my self-hating misery. I had asked a few professionals along the way about “Is porn safe?”, and “Can porn change your tastes”? And just only got a “nah, you’re just kinky my friend. That’s normal. It’s good for ya!”.

    Now the best I get is the consolation that my addiction and the novelty circuit is responsible for my rapidly evolved tastes, and not immorality on my part. It WILL be enough, but It’s hard to face these feelings alone. I wish I had the fortuitousness to have my birth/my addiction cycle pushed 7 years forward in time from now, when support will be available in the future inevitably.

    Whatever, I’m a tough guy mentally and I can take it, especially being twice as strong from quitting PMO/starting exercising/dieting/a healthy lifestyle. I’m already a new man. (sry if the last part of this paragraph was excessive btw).

  27. I’m coming up on 6 weeks of no PMO, (HOCD)

    I’m coming up on 6 weeks of no PMO, and I thought I would take a moment to do a little inventory of how things are going.

    Quitting PMO has been fantastic for me. I still orgasm a few times a week during sex with my girlfriend, and right now I don’t have any plans to change that. I sent her an article from this site about Karezza and she seems interested, and it’s something we might try in the future. But we both really enjoy orgasming together. So for now, we will continue to do that.

    The first few weeks of my no PMO I still masturbated, although less so. I’m almost at 3 weeks of no MO and am feeling good about continuing with that.

    My girlfriend and I both like the fact that all of my sexual expression and experience is now with her. It’s wonderful to share that with someone. It has made our sex deeper, closer, more pleasurable. My desire for her, especially when I go a week or so without any orgasm whatsoever, is intense. I’m very responsive and the pleasure I experience with her is out of this world.

    I’ve noticed some other benefits, many of which have been chronicled on this site by others:

    – Improved mood. I’m more calm and patient, handle stress much better, am generally more optimistic and friendly.

    – More energy. I don’t feel run down as much as I used to.

    – Better sleep. My sleep fluctuates, but right now I’m sleeping well.

    – I notice and appreciate women more. Just walking down the street I will see someone who really catches my attention.

    – I just have a general better feeling of well-being. I don’t drop into mild depression like I used to.

    – This has been slower to come, but I am starting to feel like I am getting my “mojo” back, feeling more aggressive and confident and getting some of my “swagger” back. I’m hoping for more improvement in this area.

    I think this all contributed to a significant reduction in my HOCD symptoms. Before I started this I would say, on a scale of 1-10 on how much HOCD bothered me and how much time I spent ruminating on it, I would say 7. Now, I would say 3. I still get the thoughts and spikes from time to time, but I’m able to brush them off much easier and move on with whatever I am doing. My brain doesn’t become “locked” on this particular anxiety or doubt or worry as much as it used to. The intrusive thoughts during intimate times are less.

    Thanks for everyone’s support, this site has been a great find for me. I purchased Marina’s book, which I plan to read on my next trip out of town.

    ATL – link to post

  28. LINK -/r/nofap what’s your

    LINK –/r/nofap what’s your opinion on talking about nofap in real life? What were their reaction?

    I told my mother about YBOP and my porn addiction a few weeks ago after a bad relapse. I needed to hear my own voice say the things that my mind had felt and known for a long time. At first, her reaction was “are you kidding?, pornography is perfectly fine!”. I told her I would not talk to her about it until she saw the TedX video. After she saw it…she understood. She was able to put the pieces together, to understand just how much of a drastic change this was in my life. And then she told me that I was awesome for doing something like this…and that I was on the right path.
    Then we proceed to talk about it some more for about an hour. I told her about ED, HOCD, how I escalated to the most extreme types of porn…what it was doing to my mental health…etc. I told her of the amazing benefits of nofap / noporn. How I had cured my social anxiety, how I did not have panic attacks anymore, how I felt more confident, and had plenty of energy / willpower to really go out there and take life by the horns.
    It was a pretty awesome experience, I think. She still doesn’t understand the struggle, that this is an addiction. But the fact that she is supportive is all that matters to me.

  29. Addicted to Shemale Porn. Anyone Have Long-Term Success with NoF

    Addicted to Shemale Porn. Anyone Have Long-Term Success with NoFap and Fetishes?

    I’ve been addicted to shemale porn for many years. I started out with softcore female porn and progressed from there. I’ve been on the NoFap journey for over a year now.

    I’ve made it 30-40 days on many occasions, but I always relapse to shemale porn. I try to dismiss the thoughts, but I usually give up after 5-6 weeks of struggling and convince myself that it’s never going to go away.

    Each time I relapse, I tell myself that I’m just going to accept it and stop blaming the attraction on porn. I’ve even met up with a few shemales on previous relapses with this mindset. Despite the attempt to stay open-minded, I end up feeling miserable and depressed after a few days of locking myself inside and watching shemale porn constantly or spending time trying to find a shemale to meet with.

    I relapsed a few days ago after 40 days of no porn. Immediately after orgasm, I feel sick about it and swear to myself that I will start NoFap again. But, a few hours later, I convince myself that another attempt is futile. I’m just losing hope that 40 days of struggling and HOCD is going to lead me anywhere other than back into the same place. I’m at the point where I would even be fine with the shemale attraction if I could just accept it and live with it without the feelings of shame and guilt every time. It feels much more natural to be with a female, but I can’t get the sexual thoughts of shemales out of my mind.

    GUY 2)

    I’m curious about this as well. I hope someone with actual scientific knowledge comes into this thread to enlighten us. Can your brain ever completely lose the desire for old fetishes?

    I’ve had really similar difficulties. I did get really into shemale porn during the last year of my fapping. It really made me feel alienated, as I’m not attracted to men and I would be horrified to actually have any sexual contact with a tranny – even a very effeminate one – in real life. That’s when I decided I needed to stop fapping. This was December 2010. At first I just slowly cycled down, from the very hardcore, extreme porn of all types to more benign videos, then eventually just softcore imagery. I eventually found nofap about a year ago, and despite a number of resets, I’ve gone 90 days once and 30+ a few times, and I no longer have a desire to look at tranny porn. I will say that every once in a while the idea comes into my head and it seems attractive, but it never lingers for long.

    On the other hand, shemale porn wasn’t exactly my fetish of choice. Mine was a particular region of the body that should only be used as an exit. Not just sex with it, but everything that has to do with it (except poo, gladly). Despite the fact that I’ve been largely off hardcore porn for over a year, I still find myself fantasizing about extreme forms of sexual behavior involving that fetish fairly often. Boredom and laziness leads to edging, fantasizing and eventually relapsing.

    GUY 3)

    Hmm I’m quite curious about this. I’ve developed sexual fetishes over the last ~7 years – nothing super extreme. But stuff 8/10 women would be uncomfortable with.

    I was really hoping NoFap would help ‘cure’ me of these fetishes. Because I want to enjoy intimate, vanilla-ish sex with a loving mate… and not just enjoy bizarre fetish sex in my head or on a computer screen.

    Can anyone say if NoFap has helped diminish their fetishes?

    Also, OP, do you like shemales in real life, or just in porn? Be honest! Because if that really is your thing in real life, it’s nothing to be ashamed off. Some of us like chocolate icecream, some of us like strawberry.

    GUY 4)

    Yes, I am aroused by them in real life if they are very feminine. It is just more difficult since most shemales I come across in real life are masculine or have noticeable masculine traits (deep voice, no hips, broad shoulders) that turn me off.

    It’s hard to say whether or not I would have this fetish without porn.

    GUY 5)

    Hey dude, I am in a similar boat to you. I have been with a few shemale escorts in real life and was definitely hooked on shemale porn. After I was with the escorts I felt pretty meh afterwards, not really ashamed but apathetic. That could be because it is an escort though, I have been with female escorts and have a similar feeling afterwards as well. I am nearly up to 90 days (if I started my counter at the right time, can’t remember) and I still get turned on when I think about those experiences, not so much the porn. I have a subfetish within the shemale genre which is not just exclusive to shemales which still gets me hard when I think about it. I still have longer to go to abstain (a few more months) so I will know for sure around that time if perhaps I am genuinely turned on by them/this fetish. I am not really bothered if I do have ‘bisexual’ tendencies, and like you I don’t find men attractive one bit. In Brazil, for example, I have heard it is common for some men to have relations with ‘travestis.’ The thing is, I just want to know for sure if it is porn warping my brain (bad) or if it is indeed genuine desire, which is ok. Anyways, I think you should just soldier on man, the desires do become less over time.

    GUY 6)

    I don’t think your link will help much, because shemales are not a sexual orientation but a fetichism. Just ask some gays if they find shemales attractive. The answer will be a big NO. Because except from their penis, shemales looks very much like women, and it is a known fact that gays are not attracted to women but to men. Many studies have prooved it, the number one consumer of shemale porn are straights men

    GUY 7)

    I can’t say I share your particular fetish, but I can share my own experience.

    I don’t think most fetishes are necessarily tied to fapping. A lot of them are dormant, and certain triggers will activate them, or make you aware of them. Some fetishes I have I can remember instances of all the way from early childhood, around age 5 or 6. This was obviously way before masturbation or porn was part of the picture.

    I can say that some things I have fapped to, while using porn, I was disgusted with as well. But this was towards the end, after a decade of porn was making it harder and harder to get off.

    That said, I have only just begun NoFap, and am only on Day 5, but every fetish I had before still seems rather appealing. Time will tell if that changes.

    GUY 8)

    I realize you’re feeling down about relapsing, but way to go on making it 30+ days so many times.

    The past two days my scumbag brain has seemingly woken up and has been trying to harder to get me to pmo. For the first 6 days, any sexual thoughts I had would be about girls I had known in real life. The past two days however, after having these sorts of sexual thoughts for a couple minutes, my mind suddenly shifts gears and floods my mind’s eye with images of various fetishes I have been into. It feels like my brain is getting desperate for me to give in to the addiction, so it has to up the ante every time I resist.

    It definitely makes things more challenging and am gaining ever more respect for my fellow fapstronauts. I’m also just taking it as a sign of progress, I have to willingly say no and refuse the temptations if I’m ever going to let go of them.

    GUY 9)

    Maybe so. I’m not sure what causes the guilt and uncomfortable feeling. I know I’m not attracted to men. When I stay away from porn, my sex drive for women is very strong and I feel no attraction to men.

    GUY 10)

    Trust me, I know where you’re coming from. The theory is that your brain knows that the fetish porn gives you a kick like nothing else, so you continue to crave it. But, good luck convincing yourself of that in the midst of it all.

    I really put effort into my last attempt. No computer, daily journal, and more. But, it still managed to catch me with my guard down. For a while around the 30 day mark, I actually thought that I was going to succeed. I felt positive and the fetish porn thoughts were dwindling. But a few events occurred and I ended up masturbating without porn. It was downhill from there since I couldn’t get porn off my mind.

     

     

  30. Is it normal for “us lot” to

    Is it normal for “us lot” to feel the need to masturbate multiple times a day without really being that horny? I’ve only just come to realise that I can get much easier erections to extremer porn than normal. I can’t watch much of the regular stuff any more, it’s no good. How do you guys stop yourself from having a wank?

    Couldn’t get it up

  31. I started out with “normal” porn and later got into things like

    Porn is not realistic, it promotes misogyny and the idea that money can buy you anything. It gives you a false sense of fullfilment. I agree with people when they say that masturbation is natural and healthy, I wholly agree, but porn? No it is not. It’s true that not everyone ends up being addicted but in my opinion there’s no “right” dosage for porn. Sex is an important part of life and shouldn’t be lived through a screen.

    Like some other fapstronauts, I started out with “normal” porn and later got into things like “slap happy” porn, BDSM and piss drinking, things that I find repelling in real life. Fortunately, I quit soon after realizing what I was doing, although I do wish I found nofap before. I find it surprising that even though I thought porn had re-wired my brain and changed my taste,

    I can say I’m back to “normal”, or I should say maybe that I’m normal for the first time since I’ve been seeing porn for so many years. I no longer would stand the sight of women being humiliated, which is what 99% of porn is about. NoFap makes you realize how fucked up our society is, not just porn. Sex is truly the lowest common denominator and I think it’s shameful that something so intimate has been made into the #1 tool of mind control.

    LINK TO THREAD

  32. Does NoFap eventually cure fetishes?
    Does NoFap eventually cure fetishes?

    Being close to week 2, I’m finally starting to gain some clarity and get over the need for instant gratification from porn. Having been away from it for a bit now, I’ve realized that I wasn’t just using vanilla porn to get off, but rather searching for newer novelties and more off color stuff to satisfy my urges. Looking back on it, I’m a bit disgusted by it, but also realize that it still turns me on, even though I don’t want it to. I guess my question for those who have been at this longer than I have, is have you seen any improvements with weird fetishes? Part of me doesn’t want to give them up, as I enjoy them, but at the same time I realize that they probably aren’t normal

    GUY 2)

    Ever since I gave up porn at the beginning of September, the weird fetish stuff in porn I used to like hasn’t even crossed my mind. If I ever think about sex, it’s vanilla. I’m starting to think that I never really liked that stuff. I was just constantly beating it into my own brain that I started to think I liked it.

    GUY 3)

    Yes people do recover from having fetishes they are uncomfortable with although it may take a full 90-150 day reboot

    GUY 4)

    I’m by no means qualified to comment on this properly, but what I would say is I doubt if it’s a real fetish that NoFap will remove it. I have the porn addiction but for me the whole ‘more and more extreme’ porn thing came in the form of scenarios like the Naughty America ‘sports, school, affair’ type stuff: I didn’t enjoy the harder stuff really and bdsm or whatnot. I guess it depends what sort of fetish it is? I’d be interested to hear what happens also!

    GUY 4)

    I would say no. They never fully disappear (at least that’s been my experience). But what does end up happening is you’ll become so much more sensitive and easily turned on that just the touch of a woman or a kiss will get you super horny (hell, even seeing a pretty girl now can get me excited). I can totally relate to your last sentence though. I still do enjoy my fetishes even though I would never want anybody to know about them. I don’t feel ashamed about them because I don’t think they are morally objectionable, but I’m aware that some of them are far from the norm.

    GUY 5)

    In short, yes.

    GUY 6)

    While being more sensitive you are also already turnd on by small things so that you don’t need “strong things” to make you turn on.

    GUY 7)

    Most of mine fetishes are still intact. Only the more extreme ones (the ones I was actively looking for when still on my 5x/day diët) have completely dissapeared now. I can only think:”oh god why?” when I think about these. I don’t even get arroused by these anymore. I just stare outside my window and silently weep for all the poor souls that still fap to this.

    GUY 8)

    I think it’s part of desensitization. Think back to when you first started and what got you going then (my first step up from clothing magazines was red shoe diaries on tv) and where you were when you decided it was enough. Sure, it’s part taste but I feel there is something more and that abstaining definitely plays a part in a recurrence of sensitivity.

    GUY 9)

    I wouldn’t think about it too much, just observe what happens. We all have our own tastes. YBOP videos made me think about this, the theory is that you move past the point where erotic imagery turns you on, so you need something shocking to get the dopamine surge.

    GUY 10)

    This would actually be interesting to hear about. I’ve got…well, some outlandish stuff that turns me on as well, that I could really do without…

  33. Rock bottom. I don’t know who I am anymore. HOCD

    Rock bottom. I don’t know who I am anymore. (possible nsfw, triggers, etc) [mobile]

    This might be long but I need to get this off my chest. I’m not the same person anymore. I started PMO when I was 12 to Internet porn. Did a lot of weird shit to myself sexually just to experience that feeling. I’ve always had one fetish my whole life but I soon found myself escalating to all kinds of fetishes, then submissive porn. Then somehow I stumbled upon shemale porn. I’ll tell you guys how fucking crazy it is, I literally looked at that stuff with disgust about 5 years back, now it gets me off and I feel like I’ve fucking mutated. I remember the days lesbian/regular porn got me off, I remember when I had my first gf I actually loved(despite her being a not so nice person in the end) and the orgasms were out of this world. I was so happy then.

    Now I’ve lived in this HOCD world for almost year. This has literally been the worst time in my life, I’ve been stuck here for so long I don’t know who I am anymore. I remember i was watching a guy get pegged by this black chick, and then I stopped and said, “what the fuck am I looking at?” that’s when the thoughts started happening I was alarmed and I wanted them out of my head, now they’re the strongest they’ve ever been.

    Every time I hang out with anyone that’s a male my brain without fail will say, “oh he’s so hot, dem lips, Dat body.” the fucking hilarious part is, all guys look the same to me. It could be the oldest nastiest dude on earth, a fucking bum, and this happens. Ive tried to search for the attraction but it doesn’t exist. I can’t tell if I’ve done this so long that it’s habit or not. This shit even happened to me with my cousin. I don’t get it. I want my fucking life back, I loved my life before this bullshit. I can’t even get hard thinking about women anymore. It doesn’t make sense.

    I found YBOP 7 months ago and I still have yet to try nofap. I admit that I’m a defeatist. I read something that’s against the science of nofap and i instantly think, Welp guess I’m fucked for life with this shit. I dont think these types of thoughts are normal, mainly because I’ve never felt this way in my life regarding men, then I made the mistake of reading literally every psychological doc online and I basically believe that there is no possible way for a human to change, and all the things I read started happening to me. I hung around some gay friends last night and I was like, yeah I know I don’t want that, but then instantly my brain thinks the opposite.

    I went through a lot psychologically with women, I’ve been dumped secretly without me knowing, she made sure to post a pic of her and her ex making out to let me know, then I dated another girl who was hot as hell, and she dumped me while I puked over a toilet while proceeding to go upstairs and fuck her ex. Then I met this girl who I was madly in love with, the feelings were mutual and it was the first time I got to experience happiness with a girl, that shortly went to shit after 3 months and I stayed in it for a year until she broke it off. I was devastated, but I hooked up with a lot of girls at this time and my confidence was through the roof, then I got into a relationship with someone I was stoked on at first, then it just wasn’t working out. I wasn’t truly in love like i was before. I stayed in it anyway and we broke up after a year. Now my brain is fucked.

    I want my life back, I want my attraction to women back, it’s fucking crazy, even if this same thing was happening with girls, I wouldn’t like it. My brain is like DO SOMETHING YOU DONT WANT TO DO ASSHOLE! Like I’m going to jump out of my skin. I feel like i cant be in public. I haven’t tried anything bi or w/e because I know that’s not who I am. Im not going to force myself to do something I don’t want to do, even of my brain is telling me to do the opposite. It feels like my brain is misfiring.

    I just remember, and I always think back to this because I can appreciate more now than ever, when I was 20 I had the best dream I ever had in my life. I married my high school crush and I remember we had a 5 year old daughter. They were literally at that point and time the most beautiful people I had ever seen in my life. Even as I type this I tear up because my wife and daughter were so pretty, and the look in their eyes when they both saw me was the most happy look. I miss those fucking days so goddamn much. I can see why this is happening, I put so much emphasis on trying to find a woman I never had time to focus on myself, but I honestly thought that was the goal of all men, gay and straight alike, were all trying to find someone to love in this shit hole called life.

    I don’t fucking know anymore, but what I do know is that it’s time to give this a real try, and maybe get some therapy. Ive had enough! Its time to take my life back. I’ve read somewhere that you have to go through hell to ever get close to heaven. Well I’m gonna climb my way back out of this shit hole. We all have the ability to change right? Even now my brain is telling me I’ll never be as happy as I was, it’s funny really.

  34. I was holding my half hard dick in a grip for 2 hrs to some

    so what pushed you over the edge and made you say “no more”?

    I’m in my 22nd day, I lurk a lot on nofap just to stay motivated. For me it was one saturday evening, I was holding my half hard dick in a grip for 2 hrs to some retarded tranny porn (I’m straight but hetero sex didn’t do much for me anymore). My dick wouldn’t even get hard and I was squeezing it so hard it hurt later for a long time.

    I finally finished shooting few drops of semen and then it hit me. How much of a fucking low life have I become? Doing same thing every day for YEARS now, not socializing with anybody, without interest in anything, without any girl contact for almost 5 years. All I was interested in was to get to home, unzip and whack off until it was time to go to bed. I almost cried when I looked at myself and that was it, stayed in depression for a long time, I slept maybe 2hrs that night. No more.

    What was your breaking point?

     

     

  35. I watched so much porn that I started watching transsexual porn

    I’m done with porn!

    I became addicted to porn. I watched so much porn that i eventually started watching transsexual porn because it was the only thing i could get off too. I experienced many of the negative effects of chronic masturbation, and now i don’t want to beat off too porn anymore. I don’t want to beat off period. I’m going to pursue a healthy relationship with a girl, but first i gotta stop fapping like a damn freak.

    GUY 2)

    I’m done with porn too. And believe me it doesn’t stop with transsexual porn, eventually your mind and view of intercourse gets so distorted that you start to enjoy watching and getting off to stuff such as two girls one cup (scat), prego, gyno and all kinds of sick shit.

    Anyone that does this. Please realize this is not your true self. Your brain is just so used to perversion that it got used to the dopamine and in order to reach high enough levels you need to get into deviant sick stuff. Get away from it, heal your self and your mind.

     ————-

    I remember when I watched soft-core for the first time. I was eleven years old. It was a Saturday (climax nights on Cinemax). I mean real soft-core. My dopamine went berserk. Like it never has again. Because that’s the way chemicals work. Your first beer can get you to a level of tipsy you want to be in. But then the second time you need three. Then you up your tolerance to more. After that you start getting shitfaced with peers and even intoxicated. But it is a normal experience, although it can spiral out of control and therefore you have alcoholics. People that drink alone and get intoxicated in a daily basis.

    It’s the same with porn. I assure you that If I would’ve never watched porn again after that night at eleven years old, I could watch that same soft-core film today and be crazy high on dopamine. But it didn’t stop there, after soft-core came hard-core after hard-core, came fetishes and in within those it got deviant. Until I realized it was a sick thing. It’s a self-released gland produced drug. The Internet is an almost infinite free dealer of it. Get it?

    To answer your question. If you stopped drinking alcohol today and drank alcohol in a year. Believe me, that alcohol will have a lot more effect on you than it would affect you today. So no your dopamine levels are not the ones that necessarily have to change, but rather your sensitivity towards dopamine will be higher. In other words you will not need porn because lower levels of dopamine will have a stronger effect on you.

  36. I questioned whether or not I was really straight,

    So I continued masturbating because at least I was EVENTUALLY able to get an erection. This is where it gets weird. One day I was browsing through videos, trying to find a good scene to get me hard. I click on what seemed to be a girl-on-girl video, but soon found out that it was actually tranny porn. I was just about to exit out of it because I’m straight and it grossed me the hell out. The thing is, I got hard. This confused me so much, because the thought of tranny’s before made me go soft. Now suddenly I’m going hard?I really started freaking out because I questioned whether or not I was really straight, and if the reason why I’m not getting hard anymore is because I’m not attracted to women. After googling this for about 2 hours, I found that a lot of straight men supposedly watch and masturbate to tranny porn. They also said this happened to them out of the blue. This made me feel a little better.

    So what I started doing was I used the tranny porn to get me hard so I can move on to the heterosexual porn where I’d finish. Without realizing, I was soon even watching a bunch of other taboo or more extreme porn that I never would have even considered watching a couple of years ago. I started feeling disgusting after I was done masturbating because I couldn’t believe I let myself get to this point. I just couldn’t stop my self.

    I NEED to quit porn. Chicago’s Journal [Day 12]

  37. The more porn I watch, the more I am bi-curious and into penis.

    The more porn I watch, the more I am bi-curious and into penis. As soon as I take a break from porn for a little I am back to being fully attracted to women and disinterested in bisexuality. Anyone else experience this?

    Firstly, I am not here asking “Am I gay?” because that is stupid because sexuality is more than a light switch as I am sure you all know. Obviously some part of me is attracted to penises so I am a little bit gay, which who the hell cares anyway. For the record I identify as straight and have a girlfriend, if that means anything.

    I have noticed however, when I am in phases of watching porn I am more attracted to penises. I say penises because I am not really attracted to males. I usually get into a lot of transexual porn the more porn I watch. Recently I have been watching too much of it, and got to a point where I started watching homosexual porn with feminine males (only once or twice).

    I have gone through this cycle a few times. I will decide I have corrupted my mind and say no more porn. I usually feel a lot healthier and better and eventually have pretty much 100% heterosexual fantasies. My sex life with my girlfriend gets a lot better, etc. When I decide after a while that a little porn won’t hurt, basic softcore porn of only women gets me hard as a rock.

    Eventually I start watching more to the point where that doesn’t really do anything for me and the whole snowball process happens again until I realize it’s four in the morning and I have been jacking off for half an hour to transexual porn and fantasizing about hooking up with these women.

    Obviously I know I should stop watching porn. I am much happier and my brain is more “natural” when I refrain from porn. It is, however pretty hard not to when I sleep with a laptop.

    Anyway do any other people feel like this?

    EDIT: I feel like this whole thing is wordy so I will try to make it clear.

    No Porn: Purely heterosexual thoughts. Easily turned on by hot woman fully clothed.

    Start Porn: Wow a girls boob I am rock hard. The cheesiest soft-core porn gets me going or my fantasies of women are enough.

    Middle porn: Start watching transexual porn. The women are very feminine, but still obviously I am interested in the penis, although I would still be horny with straight porn. I just find this kinkier.

    Heavy porn: Only transexual porn can turn me on. Also perhaps feminine homosexual porn (no muscular people or anything like that). Even fantasies about going to a glory hole to give oral.

    Quit porn: Within a few days I still feel attracted to transexuals but less so as time passes. I am probably back to “normal” in 10 days or so.

    And the cycle repeats.

  39. Lesbian with “straight HOCD”

    Ok…So i’m trying to make sure I have this correct…

    I’m 24 year old female who also happens to be a lesbian with HOCD…I have been watching porn since i was 12. I knew i was a lesbian since I was 6.I had a sexual fantasy and some way or another a males faces popped up in the fantasy and he was on top of me. Since then I have had HOCD severely to the point I cant function and do normal things that i used to before HOCD.

    I watch porn daily and always have. My sex life with all my partners start out very intense for about 1 or 2 months and then my libido decreases significantly. When i watch porn I seem to get aroused by almost anything that triggers a sexual cue to me. It gets to the point where I no longer fantasize about the female I’m with because fantasy land feels so much better.

    It’s kind of like I get bored with the person I’m with within those couple of months that I resort back to fantasy because I can imagine anything I want. Also I can be away from my partner and fantasize about her, but when i’m around her it’s like I no longer want to have sex or am aroused anymore..

    So my question is….If i stop watching porn will a vast amount of my HOCD disappear? And will i gain back a great amount of arousal for her as i did from the start?

  40. Bisexual, addicted to porn? Need advice?

    Bisexual, addicted to porn? Need advice?Okay so I’m 17 (male) and have a bunch of stuff I need to talk about. I’ll mention two topics: porn first, then sexuality. Sorry for the walls of text, and you should probably prepare yourself for some graphic sexual fantasies near the end.. I just need to get all of this off my chest and get other peoples’ opinions.

    I know I have a porn addiction. When I was around the age of 10 my older cousin asked me if I’d ever seen porn – that was all he asked, he didn’t explain it or show me it. I’ve always been pretty smart and observant, and I can still remember searching and finding porn for the first time (just because I’d heard the word and wanted to know what my cousin meant). Since this is around 7 years ago, my memory isn’t the best, but I remember seeing BDSM (in particular a sexy brunette in a bondage scene lol..). Right now, I’m aroused by: straight, gay/lesbian and transsexual/shemale/cross-dress porn, ALL forms of BDSM, submission/domination, rough/rape scenarios, too many fetishes to count. There is definitely more that I just can’t think of right now.

    When I was 10, I saw BDSM and other hardcore porn and was obviously surprised, shocked and grossed out by it. So from a young age I just watched and masturbated to straight porn. But as I grew up, I masturbated more often, and the content gradually became more extreme. It’s to the point where I’m turned on by all of the above, and masturbate every day, sometimes if I’m horny 2 or 3 times a day. This has never been a problem, and I’ve simply gotten the mentality that “all teenage guys wank heaps” (my friends do it just as much, if not more than me). But it’s taking up heaps of my time, and I’ve started using porn as a distraction to avoid doing homework, study, and other stuff..

    I want to become a lawyer, and grades are very important to me. So when it’s late at night, I’ve just wanked for the second time and avoided doing any study, I get pissed off at myself. I’ve got over 35 GB’s of downloaded porn, and a few months ago (during exams) I considered just deleting all of it, thinking it would be better for me in the long run. But I’ve got a massive internet and it would be incredibly easy to get it all back again. Plus, a part of me is fine with porn – even though I’m turned on by some messed up kinds of porn, I know that I would never act on anything that was wrong. I’m educated, ethical – I’ve learned about rape, domestic violence, etc in legal studies at school (in preparation for law degree), it ruins lives and is sickening and I would never participate in anything like it. And there is a big difference between being aroused by porn/fantasies, and actually doing the act itself.

    I know I’m a good person, so porn itself isn’t what bothers me – its the amount of time I waste watching it. I should be studying, exercising, improving myself as an individual – but instead I’m just impulsively watching porn every night and achieving nothing.Now the part that worries me more. The more diverse and extreme porn obviously has made me question my sexual orientation.

    I’ve always been straight – but since the age of 15 I’ve been watching transsexual/shemale porn, having gay fantasies, etc. I don’t really like gay porn videos (guys aren’t really attractive in appearance to be honest), but I’ve read gay erotic stories and gotten off to that.

    In terms of fantasies, there are two sides to it. With girls I’m dominant, and have fantasies of submissive girls (this is where BDSM, sub/dom straight porn comes in). Normal straight porn is awesome too, so is lesbian porn, and so is dominatrix even though I’m not really into it – basically, girls are just the sexiest things on this earth LOL. But with gay fantasies, I’m the submissive one in the feminine role. You could also say I’m rather sexually masochistic – for example I stumbled across prison rape stories months ago and realized that it turned me on to imagine myself as the person being raped/hurt.

    I’ve fantasized about being blackmailed by strangers (sometimes friends as well) into giving them blowjobs, and then taken advantage of and getting gangbanged by groups of guys. This isn’t normal, and it’s the complete opposite of my other fantasies that I have with girls. I have had some of the most intense orgasms anally fingering/ beating off to gay fantasies, so I can’t be straight. I have to be bisexual (or bi-curious, since I haven’t actually had any sexual experiences with guys yet).

    But the thing is, I’m only attracted to guys in a sexual/lustful way. I’m attracted to girls romantically (meaning I would date, marry, have children, and spend my life with them), and sexually (I want to have sex with them all the time :D). With guys, there is no romantic part. The idea of loving, dating and being in a relationship with a guy is just.. weird to me, I wouldn’t be able to do it. I just get aroused by the idea of having sex with them.

    On top of this, I have cross-dressing fantasies as well. But since I’ve never gotten my hands on girls clothes, I haven’t tried it out. But the other day I watched a movie called “The Skin I Live In”. Long story short, a guy gets kidnapped by a plastic surgeon who performs a sex change on him, locks him up and rapes him (well, her) whenever he wants. (Sounds horrible and sick, there’s actually alot more to the movie and it is actually really good). But that entire idea turned me on. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to be a girl (sometimes wished, even). If I was a girl for a day I’d probably just be a complete slut (and a lesbian xD).

    From all of this though, in real life I’m quite masculine and dominant. I’m average height, have a strong athletic body, lift weights, check girls out, talk about girls with my friends etc. I see my guy friends as brothers – I’ve known them since we were kids. There is no romantic thoughts towards any guys, and I don’t fantasize about close friends because it’s like fantasizing about brothers and is just weird. But I definitely have a feminine/ submissive side and I definitely have sexual fantasies of guys even though I wouldn’t date them.  

    Sorry for the walls of text. Mind you, I’ve had an amazing childhood and never been sexually abused AT ALL. So why I’ve had gay fantasies involving rough/mean/dominated sex is totally beyond me, and probably has something to do with the amount of porn I’ve seen since the age of 10. Or I’m just kinky as hell. Basically what I want to know is – do you think I’m definitely bisexual? Do you think I have a porn addiction that should be limited/ stopped? Do you think I’m aroused/ turned on by an unusual amount of sexual acts (is there even a word for that?) Thanks for anyone who has bothered to read this far and answers my questions and gives me their opinion. It really means alot, I’ve never mentioned any of this to anyone in my life.

    Okay so I’m 17 (male) and have a bunch of stuff I need to talk about. I’ll mention two topics: porn first, then sexuality. Sorry for the walls of text, and you should probably prepare yourself for some graphic sexual fantasies near the end.. I just need to get all of this off my chest and get other peoples’ opinions.

  41. I feel my old fetishes dying out
    I feel my old fetishes dying out

    Anyone else feel part of their brain like decaying? Like the part with all those fetishes and stuff just going away? Used to think I was bi with a foot fetish at some point…….now it disgusts me (I’m straight and like girls not feet, no offense to anyone who has any other prefs)

    GUY 2)

    My escape was to go in my room, lock the door, and masturbate because it felt good. I’m tired of hearing, “you like what you like” from people on here. A lot of the things I look at I don’t like, I just can’t get off to the normal stuff anymore like I used to. Even foot fetish porn is hard. I suggest therapy to be honest, I know that when everything is said and done, I’ll be better mentally. MY hope for nofap is to get more turned on by the subtle things a girl does and to drop porn all together. If you don’t think it fucks you up, you haven’t looked at it as much as me or some of the others on here. Like I said though, I’ve only ever had a foot fetish and I’d gladly go back to just that.

    Tl;dr- My hope for no fap is to get all the wierd shit out of my life. I hope OP is right and there are others that can confirm this.

    GUY 3)

    welcome to the real world.

    GUY 4)

    My first wet dream was about my fetish, and I slowly am starting to forget about it. As in, I don’t even think about porn anymore. It’s nice to have a more clear mind and ability of focus on other things.

    GUY 5)

    You simply got those fetishes from watching porn, now when you are losing them, I promise you will have a better sex life cause you dont have those fetish expectations!

    GUY 6)

    For me, It comes and goes in phases. I’ve been into female wedgies, bondage, humiliation, enf shit since my sophomore year of high school, ruined a few relationships because of it. There are weeks where it doesn’t even enter my mind, than all of a sudden it hits me harder than anything I’ve ever felt in my life. My fetish is one of the reasons I started No Fap. I’ve been doing this since about May or so with some good streaks and relapses in between. This far is the farthest I’ve gone (doing NoFap October) and I’ve been noticing my fetishes finally starting to subside in me.

    GUY 7)

    I’m not really sure if I had a fetish in the first place. I looked at weird weird shit when I was in fapmode, shit that I was fucking disgusted by after I watched it. I wouldn’t call the things that we fap to a fetish, a fetish is something that we are aroused by in real life. And I can tell you, if something like those things I watched would happen in front of me I would leave the room. I realized those things I watched were only a side effect of my porn addiction. The brain always goes more extreme to get off. I won’t go back to porn ever, because after my last attempt that last 38 days and after what I could get an o by watching “normal porn”, it only needed 2 weeks of porn to be at the level of porn I was before starting nofap.

    GUY 8)

    My friend, I think you’ve hit on the reason why I’ve had so much trouble with relapsing. As Tony Robbins says, one of the strongest human drives is the drive to remain consistent with one’s identity. I am quite afraid of certain things changing as a result of eliminating PMO. I am in a relationship which has fully embraced my fetishes, so now they are a part of the relationship. Over the years I have come to see myself as bisexual, and also hugely interested in cuckolding. Along with my regular routine of 4x Daily PMO, I would smoke weed and it would greatly enhance my experience. It also greatly enhanced all of the negative aspects of PMO, such as ED and PE. I had never connected the ED/PE with fapping or weed, and just thought that was a part of who I am, so that further reinforced my interest in cuckolding. I thought that “if I can’t fully satisfy my woman, then she deserves to have another man satisfy her, and I love watching women get fucked so I can just watch her and her lover.”….. Then I quit smoking weed exactly 90 days ago today because I developed a major allergy to it. After I quit smoking I immediately noticed that my dick worked better, I had a stronger sex drive, I was more focused and present with my woman, and my sexual interest in men and cuckolding went away.

    Those fetishes have resurfaced, but they changed in a way that’s hard to describe. But each time I’ve relapsed on nofap those fetishes have come back with full force. I have been thinking that my relapses were partly/mostly to bring back the familiarity and to remain consistent with my identity and the identity of the relationship. My woman has a side-boyfriend who she very much enjoys having sex with. I’m afraid that I could suddenly become so turned off by it that I’ll want her to stop, and I don’t want to ask her to stop doing something she likes.

    GUY 9)

    Everyone is different man, but I have to disagree. I know what I thought was hot 4 years ago vs now. I never thought I’d be getting off to girls pissing on each other etc. I hate poop and vomit with a passion, but I’ve even looked at that. Btw even something like that doesnt do it for me anymore. I believe as humans we can sexualize anything, but it has a lot to do with the past. I believe addressing these issues with someone and getting help, weakens certain things. When we’re younger, all of us have fetishes to an extent, and those will probably stay with us for life, not the synthetic ones. Ive seen my ex pee before and it wasn’t a turn on at all lol. Sexuality is tricky and I think we’ve only begun to start to look at the effects that Internet porn has on human beings. All of us are test subjects and from what I’ve read over and over, people are noticing changes. The problem seems to lie within porn, more so than masturbation. Not fapping however, might help weaken what you’re brain finds to be rewarding.

  42. Pedophile – see’s reduction in urges and other changes

    Strange Fetish

    I’m new here and just made a new account (for reasons soon to be understood). Let me start with a simple fact. I am a pedophile.

    Now that I’ve weeded out the people that judge on a single fact let me explain. I’m not a child abuser. I don’t molest kids. I don’t ever, EVER want to. This is not something I’m proud of or something I advertise freely. I don’t want to preach to you or try to change your views of the matter, I simply want help.

    I have been trying to stop fapping for a few reasons and have found that as a result my ‘urges’ towards my fetish (for lack of a better word) have become less. My relationships with others have become more pronounced and my ability to communicate and identify with ‘normal’ people has grown so much and I’ve only just started. This may be the greatest thing to happen to me.

    Which brings me to my question. Does anyone have any quick tips for someone with an unusual attunement? Did anyone here used to have an attraction to the out-of-the-ordinary and thus find it hard to avoid temptation? Please, someone, respond as this has become a serious addiction that is eating into my free time and preventing me from forming any lasting relationships. Please.

    GUY 2)

    Not gonna say I’m a pedophile,but I sure was into some 15+ bikini type jailbait – luckily I didn’t know how to access the more fucked up stuff but since I’m 20 now I think that should be acceptable(or maybe I just ruined my nofap reputation 🙂 ,anyway I was only fapping to it and I think that when you have this problem and stop watching porn you actually got rid of it since you said you never ever wanna “molest” anyone,and that means your only source has disappeared from your life. It’s the same with porn,I doubt that you will be seeing naked women on the street

    GUY 3)

    First, are you sure you’re a pedophile? A lot of people tend to assume that pedophilia means being attracted to anyone under age. It’s actually being attracted to prepubescent children. There’s also Hebephilia for ages 11 to 14 and Ephebophilia. I fall into the last category.

    And second, when you’re addicted to fapping [or anything else], you will do things that you wouldn’t normally do to get your high. If it’s a drug addict stealing money from his parents, an alcoholic driving drunk so she can go to another bar, or a fapstronaut looking at child porn to get off. Trust me, I’ve looked at porn [disclaimer: NOT child porn. I’m not advocating that.] that I’m wouldn’t even actually aroused by in a normal situation. The taboo is powerful. And it makes the high of getting off better.

    I’m still having a tough time not going back to my old porn habits. I don’t think it was normal and I want to stop. But I’m thinking about it less. Even when I do slip up and fap, I watch “normal” porn. So that’s even an improvement.

    GUY 4)

    We stand together at NoFap. We know you can beat it EricNigma, you have come to the right place. I speak from experience, experiences that are not too dissimilar from yours.

    I started looking at porn when I was around 11 years old, the time I got my first computer, in my bedroom it was, little did I know then what a source of great trauma this computer would become.

    It took a couple of years for me to become engrossed in pornography, once I was fluent on the Internet and my hormones started circulating it seams now inevitable. I was soon searching out of girls my age with little success, most of it was very young looking women along with ‘normal porn. The thrill of watching something illegal and also in a way more familiar (being young also) to me brought a lethal shot of dopamine to my brain, forming extremely strong pleasure pathways.

    The mixture of my age, excessive masturbation, young porn, regular porn, being very computer savvy and watching my peers have more success than me with girls I do not in anyway blame myself for what I looked for, I believe most people in my position would have done the same.

    I am now free of my previous sexual deviance, I thank Nofap mostly, also getting caught once and subsequently having my life torn apart probably played a part, and having the cops clear scan my computers oh and practically EVERYONE found out and out of all the people I knew and loved no one talked to me about it, they all made they’re minds up without involving me apart from one person, I will hold that person with the highest regard for the rest of my life, he thought independently, made his own decisions, he knew that in my heart of hearts I was not a pedophile and somehow I was a victim of circumstance, he was right.

    This really deserves it’s own post, I am also rambling a bit! The point I wanted to make it that from what you are saying, Eric, you are not a Pedophile in the traditional sense, you have just been seeking out a stronger high and this may have been then leaking into your day to day life. NoFap is a great place for you, you have been having success so far and this reinforces my belief in you, feel free to PM me if you would like to talk further.

    To all of you reading Eric’s post and looking down on him, remember, had you continued down the porn path, seeking stronger and stronger dopamine highs where would it have stopped, what if your circumstances made it easy for you, what if your life was painful and you needed some release. I count myself lucky, that period of my live is over now, gone forever.

    Just to clarify, I am now completely straight. I focused mainly on Jail-bait in my later years and I have now given almost all porn up completely and I have no un-usual sexual preference anymore, I don’t need a psychiatrist, although for many years in my life I really did, this whole thing could have been up a lot sooner.

    Sorry I did’nt proof rear TL;DR I was one, now i’m not and 100% free of it, Eric needs help and support.

    GUY 5)

    I am/was also a pedophile and reading your post reminded me very much of how I used to be. I used to spend all my free time downloading and fapping to everything from teen models to hardcore CP. To make matters worse, I live alone in my apartment and I had anime body pillows of naked underage girls, girl panties of all sizes that I kept in my bed, and little girl bed sheets which forced me to think sexual thoughts about little girls every night even if I wasn’t horny. At the worst of it I even felt like calling a therapist or calling my mom and admitting everything, at the cost of possibly being disowned.

    I’ve been doing nofap for a few months now and my longest streak has been 56 days, and I want to tell you that things get better.

    At first I just put away the pillow cases, bed sheets, and panties, disconnected my RAID array with terabytes of porn, and started nofap thinking it would be a fun test of self-control I might try for a week or two, and then go back to how I was before. After 2 weeks I wanted to go a month. And then after that I wanted to go the full 90 days. After 40 days I gained the strength to delete all my porn, and shortly after that I threw out the pillow cases, little girl bed sheets, and the 40+ panties.

    I don’t think nofap “cured” me of pedophilia, but I rarely have sexual thoughts about little girls any more. Instead I think more about what I can do to improve myself to attract girls my own age and eventually get a girlfriend, and this has resulted in many positive changes physically (weight-loss from healthy diet and regular exercise), socially (more confidence, more friends, easier to meet new people), and psychologically (no more self-disgust, instead I now have inner peace, higher baseline happiness, and of course self-respect).

    Also I haven’t needed to let go of the underlying factors that attracted me to pedophilia in the first place. Short small adult girls with small breasts and cute smiles do exist – I’ve even been attracted to girls 5+ years older than me just because they were physically my type. And I can still enjoy playful innocence in myself and hang out with friends my own age who also have similar carefree and playful personalities.

    GUY 6)

    This. Obviously throwaway — my first post on reddit, also my first online on this theme ever (I’ve been online for more than 15 years). I’ve missed this theme on reddit again and I’m late for broad audience, but I hope OP appreciate. (I am exactly on same boat.) Sorry for my English, guys.

    For those who thinks „this“ is always about orientation — this is simply not true. Term „fetish“ describe it much, much better. In fact exclusivity here is very uncommon. Also, professional help is absolutely out of chance. Due strong taboo and very brutal witch hunting, it’s out of any chance to talk about it openly in public even with my closest friends. I will rather discuss openly coprophilia or horse fucking (or both combined). 99 % of literature is from „professionals“ who are not in fact connected in any way and you always end up categorized like bag of meat (worst part being pedo, trust me) — plus psycho-analyzed in freudian way, which is pseudoscientific bullshit that only hurts and again — doesn’t help you in any way. I’m strongly convinced that this is a fetish, which was somehow triggered and supported by my past behavior.

    For those who think this is not for /r/nofap — oh men, it is! I stumbled upon /r/nofap and it actually wake me up from very bad and sad dream which I was in many years. There are lot of young nofappers who thinks that nofap will somehow help you losing virginity or whatever, but this is bullshit, I am sorry. To be honest, lot of content on /r/nofap these days is missing the point and it’s sometimes quite funny. Masturbation to porn has very complex consequences and it can affect adult man practically in every aspect of man’s every day life. It has nothing to do with getting laid, guys. It’s about re/setting your brain.

    I was practicing nofap and relapsed many times (few weeks was max), but I can very clearly remember realization, when I was on first weeks and also on weed. Weed is with combination with nofap second part of drastically realizing my state of mind, but this is another and part story (sometimes weed makes you very horny). It somehow triggered what I haven’t encountered in more than twenty years — that horny „butterfly“ feeling in your stomach. You know what I mean? It leaded me to instant realization that in fact I want to fuck adult women in old animal way. Classic animal fucking with more human senses (smell, taste, touch, sweating). Joy of chasing woman, talking and seducing.

    Nofap actually trigged my old animal behaviors and my pedo fetish is somewhat suppressed as OP is pointing out. Not completely, because I have never accomplished more than few weeks. I will probably never „cure“ myself completely (as any other addictions out there). But I am strongly convinced that because of masturbation to porn I have lost almost two decades of myself.

    There is noting like predefined soul. Some „cloud“ floating inside of you. You are formed of „food“ feeding your brain. Brain is phenomenal thing which can be hacked and exploited in many ways. If you are feeding your brain with porn you are practically nobody.

  43. Today, many years later, my sexual deviance knows few bounds.

    This is the story of my life.

    I was a kid before the internet was really in wide use. I used to use BBSes and I’d download all kinds of stuff. That’s how I got shareware Doom when it first came out. And before that, Wolfenstein 3D.

    I befriended one of the local BBS sysops in my area. And a short while after doing so, he “accidentally” gave me access to the adult file areas. I can still remember that first image. A brunette with curly hair and a giant bush, sitting on a stool, giving that “come hither” stare. This was miles beyond looking at the lingerie section of my mom’s Sears catalog. I was hooked.

    Over the next few years, I downloaded more and more images. Slowly but surely, I began enjoying images of sex acts rather than just nude women. And pretty soon, I couldn’t even get hard unless I saw a woman getting railed or some dude nutting on her face. All this before I was even out of high school.

    I was one of the first folks in our town to get dial-up internet access. Back then, browsers were clunky and crashed often. And using them on a 14.4k dial up connection was painful at best. But this opened up a whole world of porn for me. I’d download images from all sorts of niches from Usenet. And, once again, I “leveled up.” I couldn’t get hard unless I saw some chick getting gang banged and even the solo shots had to be gynecological in nature before they’d even interest me in the slightest.

    I went off to college. High speed internet meant I didn’t sleep at night. Downloading porn. Now, I could watch videos and put real action and voices to the objects of my desire.

    And at this point, my interests took a deviant turn. I couldn’t get off unless I saw a girl being humiliated. And I became obsessed with seeing women getting ****fucked. Anal sex was now my obsession.

    And what a niche it was. Gaping. Large insertions. Anal creampies. And every time I saw some girl getting it in the ass, I’d always watch for that telling look of pain on her face. I don’t care how good an actress a porn starlet is – if it hurts, she’s gonna show it, at least subtly. And these little moments got me off harder than anything I’d ever seen.

    It was at this time that I decided that my obsession was getting unhealthy. I went out more. Even got a girlfriend. But my sexual deviance meant I wanted all kinds of stuff a college freshman girl didn’t even know existed. Yet I took great pleasure in “corrupting” this innocence.

    Was I wrong for making her let me watch her shit? Getting head on the toilet? Urinating on her in the shower? ****king her ass and making her suck me off afterward? I think most people would say yes.

    I guess the final straw for her was when I put her in a bathtub full of water and made her give me head. I’d push her under and **** her mouth until she’d start panicking. And I’d just wait a few seconds more. I got off, but she left me.

    Today, many years later, my sexual deviance knows few bounds. Scat. Hardcore bondage. Torture porn. So-called “painal.”

    And I guess the thing that scares me most is I’m starting to enjoy gore. Sexually.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1241bg/when_youre_watching_really_kinky_porn/

  44. end up getting into some ridiculously kinky stuff

    That’s the problem with porn, you could end up getting into some ridiculously kinky stuff that you wouldn’t have even thought about if you had never watched porn, it can turn into an obsession and like you said some guys can’t get it up with a regular picture of a nude chick which can have pretty bad consequences in their real sexual encounters.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/1241bg/when_youre_watching_really_kinky_porn/

  45. How do you break the ‘link’ with certain types of porn?

    How do you break the ‘link’ with certain types of porn?

    I’d like to start this with a Disclaimer: I am not some basement dwelling pervert, or some women hating psycho; I have a large number of very good female friends, am in a relationship and enjoy making girls happy.

    However, I also sometimes look at very graphic and bloody porn online – such as stories and drawings/comics depicting women being raped or murdered – and often get a titillating rush from seeing it. Afterwords though I feel an intense wall of guilt and shame, which I hate. I hate even more the fact that these images get seared into my head which can make talking to a girl/ girlfriend a really unpleasant experience.

    The question I have is how do I break this link with this more violent porn? I know the obvious answer is simply to go cold turkey, but more often than not, the fact that I’m living on my own and in a high stress school leads me back to the porn I’ve mentioned looking for that ‘rush’. I need to find a way of changing my mentality, but I’m not sure how to get there. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    REPLY:

    I think can relate in some sort of way. I mean I was a little different, I didn’t look at that kind of porn but when I used used porn heavily (I still relapse but its much less frequent) I became extremely desensitised to violence. I frequented places like /r/gore or /r/morbidreality and wouldn’t bat an eyelid. I think because I looked at porn so much, I lost a sense of novelty factor. Heavy porn use even changed what porn I liked over time to stuff I see now as sick. Which kinda reminds me of a rage comic I saw a couple weeks ago on here

    Now that I dont look at porn nearly as much, I cant bear to look at anything like that. And I think you might have the same thing I did. Lack of novelty factor. What I suggest you do is stay away from your computer for a while. It’s hard I know. I personally tried studying in the public or school library instead of at home. It’s so easy let your mind wonder and watch porn on the internet whilst studying. Also try and stick around with other people as much as possible. It may be hard when your trying to study but honestly I found that if I spent more time with friends and family and less time studying with porn, I procrastinated a lot less and got the job done a lot quicker. Once you get away from that away from the stuff your looking at for a while, your mind kinda resets itself a bit and if you relapse much simpler porn becomes more intersting again. Good luck to you

  46. 12 years of PMO escalating to extreme/fetish porn

    29 y/o with 17 years of MO (to softcore and imagination) and 12 years of PMO escalating to extreme/fetish porn. I started to loose interest to real sex. I felt that build up and release from porn was always stronger than it was from sex. Porn offers unlimited variety, i could choose what i want to see on that minute.

    My delayed ejaculation became bad and sometimes i couldn’t orgasm at all. This killed my last desires to have sex.

    Eventually my porn addiction was so bad that i wanted to stop. I had watched several hours of porn, orgasmed few times and still felt that i need more. I knew that i had problem and typed “porn addiction” to google and read stories and wanted to start PMO abstaining. I relapsed many times but it was working.

    At day 70 (no porn, edging, masturbation or sex) of this NoFap streak i felt that i was physically recovered and i know that i could have sex now with good success. I believe that my struggle with desires to watch porn will continue because i have long history of porn use but i’m determined to keep myself away from porn.

    Your brain rewires itself to increase dopamine releases. Sexual orientation is defined as what the brain seeks, and responds to. Addicted fappers are autosexuals and not heterosexuals/homosexuals. Discuss.

  47. Kind of scary shift in attractions…is this common?

    Kind of scary shift in attractions…is this common? 

    Throwaway because people know my main account. I’m on day 11, having had not too many difficulties since day 4 or so.

    The scary thing is that I’ve been seeing women as crazy attractive, and men or the idea of men pretty nonsexual. As a gay man who’s pretty much exclusively had relations with other men since high school, this is kind of weird. The effect seems to have started on day 8 and increased since then. I’ve always seen the attractiveness in REALLY attractive women, but I’ve now when I see even “ugly” ladies walking on the street, I can’t help but picture what it’d be like to have crazy sex with them right there.

    I’m guessing this is some sort if hormonal thing. Is it common? Will it stop? Is it reversible?

  48. But I wasnt grossed out, I actually liked it somehow

    60 Days – Light at the end of a huge fucking dark tunnel. (self.NoFap)

    Take a kid; a normal, healthy, sports-loving normal little guy at the age of 10 or 11, and give it a Computer with (back then) fast internet. Even better, show that kid a game called Counter-Strike, and watch how his social life turns into a burning pile of shit in just a matter of months.

    And voilá, here I am, over 7500 Counter-Strike InGame-Hours and 9 years later, sitting in front of my PC and writing a story for strangers on a forum about the topic of masturbation.

    “But RisingPotential, how did you end here?” Well…

    When I got into 5th grade, I was so pale and skinny (and 1.90 cm tall), you could pretty much say I was the weirdo of the class, eventhough I became friends with the “player” and “bullies” in it ( I know right , wtf?). But always the male ones, females I wouldnt even talk to. They annoyed the hell out of me, they didnt like me, I didnt like them. Simple. With the everyday usage of the internet/online-gaming, it was just a matter of time until I discovered porn. I read some Dr.Sommer articles in some teenie-magazine about love/vaginas and whatever, but I never really saw it as a big deal. Though I masturbated like a champ even back then. But when I found out about the magical wonderlands behind “Kazaa” and “eMulE” and other p2p programs they used to have, things started to escalate pretty quickly. I went from pictures of random girls, to pictures of random naked girls, to my first 5-10 MB big Videos. As you know, P2P programs sometimes have uploaded material that is named not after what it contains. So sometimes, I maybe got a “faces of death” video or some other – at least back then – just unseen crazy shit I didnt intend to see.

    But I wasnt grossed out, I actually liked it somehow.

    So a little later, I specifically searched for the weird shit on purpose instead bumping into it on accident. First it was nonsexual weird, but when I found about the sexual weird, I really went with it. The girls Ive had seen everyday in class were simply retarded in my eyes, and the least bit of attraction I maybe have had for any of them; I lost it.

    That was really the hardest part for me. When I talked to my male friends – maybe at the age of 13 or 14 – they ALWAYS talked about girls and how sexy they look and whatever trashtalk a pubescent teenager could spit out of his mouth. And I just had to say “Yea sure, Id also love to fuck girl X and Y”, when in truth, I felt ABSOLUTLY NOTHING. I killed every sexual arousal to a normal human being of the opposite sex because of the weird porn I was watching at home. So I had a lot of stuff going on in my mind – mainly asking myself If i was somehow gay or asexual or whatever. But it didnt make sense, because I watched porn with girls in it (even if it was mostly weird fuckedup shit) and Ive never had a gay thought at all.

    Fast forward 1 or 2 years later, I somehow managed to get at least some of my shit together (started eating more, tanned myself a little, exercised sometimes) and finally got a girlfriend. I really dont know how we did end up together, I kissed her on a birthday and the next day, she said she was in love. Whatever. So I had a girlfriend – cool right? Well, I really only had her because of the social acceptance I was getting from finally having one. I really really noticed how relieved my parents were, even if they never directly said it. Problem was, I still didnt feel anything for girls. So when time passed and we eventually ended up in bed, I couldnt get an erection. Of course, I had the typical excuses in my mind like “its your first time, your just nervous etc. it wont happen again”, but deep down – I realize that know – I knew something was wrong with me. So I quickly ended the relationship before a second time – and a second failure – in bed could occur.

    Between the depressing thoughts of “not being a man/not being manly enough” and knowing that Im pretty much unable to connect to people on a deeper level, I just returnded to my beloved sanctuary – online gaming/porn and the internet.

    2nd girlfriend came, ED was still there, frustration and depression got bigger -> the cycle continues…

    And then I found you guys : ) I dont know how really, but Im glad I did. Im close to 60 days now, I relapsed many many times before (always after ~30days), but now Im starting to see a difference.

    I will make it to 90 days this time, or however long its gonna take to “cure” me, and then Ill report exactly how I felt/how my feelings developed and how I feel now regarding NoFap.

  49. that my tastes in P changed more and more frequently.

    When I got internet back in my late teens I found many youtube like P sites that categorized its content by fetishes.  At first my tastes in P was that of a normal teenage boy, but taking a closer look over the years I noticed my tastes in P have shifted into more aggressive content. Violent themes against women to be more specific, especially those anime H videos with scenarios that were too vile to be portrayed in real life. Eventually though I got bored of that stuff and when I entered in my 20s and found a new stuff, but what’s interesting is that my tastes in P changed more and more frequently. So that within a year I had acquired so many new fetishes, each changing in a shorter time frame then the one before it. As of now I’m doing the 90 days because my tastes are now making me really uncomfortable b/c its conflicting with my sexuality.

    How long until my tastes go back to normal?

  50. How many of you who identify as straight, dipped into

    How many of you who identify as straight, dipped into bisexual porn/play?

    GUY 1)

    I never got into bisexual, but I felt that I would have gone there if I didn’t stop porn really soon. However, I did get into lesbian stuff and some weird fetishes. Going into that stuff was a huge signpost to me that basically said Turn around right now! I most certainly do believe that porn addiction can (and usually, if not universally, does) lead to serious sexual confusion.

    GUY 2)

    I didn’t, but I did escalate into different areas i’m not proud of or even attracted to

    GUY 3)

    I very briefly entertained the idea through a couple of attempted fantasies. Due to intrusive thoughts, I figured satisfying the curiosity of whether or not I’d like thinking about that kind of thing would make it go away. Ultimately I didn’t like it at all. It killed my boner even thinking about another guy’s member. But by then it was too late. My mind was cemented in “dudes -> masturbation -> orgasm -> good!” despite the fact that the very thoughts were unpleasant, and led to an episode of HOCD. I’m mostly over it, thank God. It made every day Hell.

    GUY 4)

    It always made me think though, even before I saw YBOP, I started off with nice straight vanilla porn. A girls nude ass or tits would make me hard as hell, but the escalation…. was inevitable.

    GUY 5)

    Mate, i stuck baseball bats up my ass regularly for years!!!

    I was so fucked in the head. Like stoptheporno, I started with vanilla stuff and just some boobs would get me going. It escalated. Escalated and then escalated some more. I never watched gay stuff – just a couple of times to experiment and I found it very unsatisfying. I always stuck to extreme straight porn and would spend 60% of the time putting myself in the place of the female.

    All of this and yet not once in my life would I see a guy in the street, or at work, or on TV and think of anything sexual. Women on the other hand? I would see tons of them every single day. It’s amazing that I went through years of solo anal masturbation and was still 100% sure i was straight. It was only when I started to have a few sexual opportunities with women and the ED kicked in. Thats when the HOCD kicked in and for the very first time in my life I was having real trouble with what was going on in my head. Started to have some bad anxiety and mad insomnia. I was generally really starting to struggle. It was only a couple of weeks until I found YBOP and thankfully i’m back to a completely normal mindstate and have been since I started the reboot.

    GUY 6)

    Yeah that’s where I was confused, since I was watching shemale/gay porn but I was never attracted to guys in real life.

    GUY 7)

    When I started P in grade 8, I easily became consumed with all of the porn around me. It escalated so quickly, man. I got into some pretty sick stuff that I am not proud of. I always liked girls, but for some reason I was watch gross stuff like Trans.

    Ugh

    GUY 8)

    I did. I consider myself mostly straight, but when horny/edging, I went for some… off-the-rails stuff.

    [Triggers ahoy!] Lesbian porn lost most it’s appeal to me. Needed at least one cock involved. Trans porn (girls with penises) was frequently enjoyable — real video and drawn images. Occasionally I’d go for some straight-up gay porn. But when I looked at it, it just wasn’t really arousing. Lost half my boner, this ain’t working. So I went back to straight(er) porn. But I had, and indulged, this urge more than once. I’ve done cam2cam with dudes, not as much fun as porn, but an interesting new experience: light exhibitionism. I joined a gay hookup site, but never met anyone.

    I don’t consider this a problem at all. Maybe one day I’ll have sex with a guy, might be fun.

  51. real average women are bumped up a few numbers on the attractive

    I should tell you where I’m coming from. I’m 21 if you are curious. Most days of the week I would PMO, and during some months in my past I was a multiple time a day user. Through out my ahem career, I found myself looking at bizarre and uncharacteristic+ pornography that didn’t match my sexuality. Anything shocking enough to get higher.

    Things I don’t miss: Bizarre porn, Hiding PMO, Cleaning up, Cleaning up my internet history, Having porn on my hard drive (DELETE IT!), Objectively looking at women

    It’s true. It’s as if real average women are bumped up a few numbers on the attractive scale, and women made out of plastic look just like that. That’s a serious positive factor

  52. The thing is, I got hard. This confused me so much, because the

    Age 21 – ED & transexual porn, needed to masturbate at day 50

    Occasionally, I would give myself a 2-4 day break because my erections started getting weaker. I thought this was because I was overdoing it. After the break, my erections were strong again and I continued on.

    When I turned 20. I had no idea what was going on anymore. I questioned if I was addicted to porn. I started masturbating 10-14 times a week, 99% of the time to porn. My masturbation sessions lasted about 2-4 HOURS at this point. If I tried masturbating without it, it would take me 20 minutes to even get an erection. I even started having trouble getting erections to porn. I would take my 2-4 day break, come back and have trouble getting it up. I started freaking out thinking I have ED and I started googling a bunch of stuff and couldn’t find much.

     So I continued masturbating because at least I was EVENTUALLY able to get an erection. This is where it gets weird. One day I was browsing through videos, trying to find a good scene to get me hard. I click on what seemed to be a girl-on-girl video, but soon found out that it was actually tranny porn. I was just about to exit out of it because I’m straight and it grossed me the hell out. The thing is, I got hard. This confused me so much, because the thought of tranny’s before made me go soft. Now suddenly I’m going hard?

    I really started freaking out because I questioned whether or not I was really straight, and if the reason why I’m not getting hard anymore is because I’m not attracted to women. After googling this for about 2 hours, I found that a lot of straight men supposedly watch and masturbate to tranny porn. They also said this happened to them out of the blue. This made me feel a little better.

    So what I started doing was I used the tranny porn to get me hard so I can move on to the heterosexual porn where I’d finish. Without realizing, I was soon even watching a bunch of other taboo or more extreme porn that I never would have even considered watching a couple of years ago. I started feeling disgusting after I was done masturbating because I couldn’t believe I let myself get to this point. I just couldn’t stop my self.

  53. My girlfriend went through a similar phase a while back

    Update on my long struggle – Good News

    She has been so amazing and I would never have got through this without her. And just as equally – this forum as well YOBP.com were the catalyst to getting me to sort this out.

    Some notes of advice

    1. Talk to your partner. It is by far the biggest help.

    2. Take your time and go at a pace you are comfortable with.

    3. Supplements had no effect what-so-ever.

    4. Don’t fall into the trap of looking at porn even if you don’t plan to binge.

    Funnily enough, and some of you may find this interesting. My girlfriend went through a similar phase a while back of viewing too much porn and ending up finding that only girl-on-girl action would get her wet (I guess like guys escalate to gay porn) even though she is not lesbian at all. So she also had to give up the porn. I guess this in some way was good for me, because she fully understood what I was going through.

  54. I’m a girl that watches weirdo porn

    by grungevalue

    I’m a girl that watches weirdo porn. I don’t think I can come with my boyfriend now because I’m a big pervert and vanilla sex doesn’t do it for me anymore 🙁 where’s my study? LINK

  55. The only thing is that I need crazier porn now and that annoys m

    fukdallas

    Weirdly I love porn and jerk daily, sometimes up to 3 or so times a day. I get random hardons if anything touches my dick. All my wife has to do is touch it and I’m ready to go and usually last as long as she wants. The only thing is that I need crazier porn now and that annoys me. I have tried going a week without either before but it becomes a fixation

    http://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/154jxl/til_there_is_a_growing_number_of_healthy_men_who/

  56. I find myself looking at more fetish/specific porn to arouse me

    asiones

    i can agree to this…(didnt read the article just the title in reddit) because I find myself looking at more fetish/specific porn to arouse me then the usual stuff

  57. ED as a Result of Escalating Porn?

    ED as a Result of Escalating Porn?

    Ill keep it short : Started watching porn when I was 12 – 13 ( am 19 now ) and eventually escalated into shemale porn. Thats fucked up already, but whats even more fucked up is the fact that I had my first case of ED the last day. Already went to the Doctor, he said im fine… Im worried that Im not getting turned on by women anymore. At least not how I used to.

    So – has anyone here also experienced porn-induced ED ? And if yes, did NoFap help you overcome it? How long did it take? Did someone maybe escalated into some other weird stuff and managed to get away from that fetish with nofap?

    Answers appreciated

    GUY 1)

    Yes I think my ED was porn induced because after 3-4 months I am now cured. Curing ED was my strongest motivation to stick with no PMO, and I’m sure that if you’re serious about this then you should do fine.During those months I never watched any pornographic videos, but I’ve seen nude pics and sex scenes on TV shows once in a while. No weird or crazy fetish. You can read a glimpse of my story here http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/15az4r/ed_gone_nsfw_language/

    GUY 2)

    I think everyone that has viewed porn for sometime gets lured into viewing weirder, crazier, fucked up, borderline or illegal content. It’s your brain’s way of getting its dopamine fix. I have experienced ED from porn use, and there is nothing more humiliating than lying in bed with a beautiful woman and not being able to perform. For me, it is a memory I will never forget, and was instrumental in me starting my own battle with this addiction.

    Congratulations on admitting you have a problem and taking the steps to correct it. There are many success stories in this subreddit. Each person is different, meaning there is no set time frame one must abstain from PMO to heal themselves. Personally, I think this addiction will be a life long battle that I must fight everyday. Sure some days will be easier than others, but given the world we live in, temptation will always be one click away. Stay strong brother.

    GUY 3)

    Very similar situation, I did no fap for about a month this summer and it helped, don’t go back to bad habbits though, I’m starting over again now. Good luck, it sucks but if you keep yourself occupied you won’t have too much trouble as long as you’re consistent

    GUY 4)

    The answer is: yes. Like you, I’ve been fapping to porn since I was 11. Starting 20 years ago I had Delayed Ejaculation problems, and over the past two years I’ve also developed ED. I’ve done a LOT of reading and we share the same issue.

    It has to do with how our primitive hindbrain chases after novelty. You can find the details on yourbrainonporn.com.

    But the bottom line is: your right. There is something wrong with you, and it’s caused by the torrents of porn you’ve watched.

    The good news is that your brain is flexible, and will heal. Many people recover in as little as 90 days.

    Your sexuality hasn’t changed. If you were straight when you started watching porn, you’re still straight. The fetish and tranny porn is the result of jaded neurons inside your head needing ever newer jolts to keep getting jazzed up.

    I’m about 13 days into my own recovery, and I’m already feeling better. 

  58. I consider myself straight – porn and fapping is ruining me

    Well I’m fairly new to reddit and just now found out about this subreddit. I’m 16 in a few days, male and in need of help to stop masturbating. I feel very ashamed of myself but here it goes. I do not know why but when I watch porn I sometimes like to look at guys. I consider myself straight and have had a few girlfriends. I think porn and fapping is ruining me. I spend hours during the nighttime hours looking at porn when I’m horny or bored.

    When school was going on(on break now) I’d only fap 1-2 times a week. I have never fapped more than once a day but I always feel morally wrong and tell myself to not do it again but once I do it one day I start doing it everyday but then starts to slow down. Please help. I feel embarrassed as I feel this is effecting my sexuality and the way I talk or look at people.

    My friends always talk about how one of them stopped fapping and the other friend gaps 5-10 times a day. 97% of males masturbate and people say its normal but I don’t like it I need tips to stop fapping. Btw this has been going on for about a year.

    POST – 15 almost 16 need help to stop

  59. I’m literally dying from embarrassment
    On August 16th, I fell down the rabbit hole. I was searching different tags on xvideos.com. I thought I had seen everything on the site so I wasn’t afraid. I decided to check out the solo tags. I heard about Octomons video so checked to see what was there. Then I got curious. I decided to look at the soloboy tag to see what other guys were doing. I am straight but I was curious to see what was on there. I didn’t think about what I was doing because I was drunk. I had no idea that I had OCD. Anyway, I hit search. What I pulled up looked illegal to me. I freaked out. I closed the browser but my OCD went in to overdrive. “Was it illegal, can the internet gods see what I looked up, what would people think, what have I done?” It was so gross and I wanted to see. Anyway, I destroyed my computer. The next day I started telling friends what I had done. I was afraid I would be arrested. Why I reacted like this, I don’t know but I did. I called a friend in another state to pull it up to see if it was illegal. He confirmed it wasn’t illegal and said to calm down. I asked him if I was gay for looking it up. He laughed and said every guy has looked up something gay. He said perhaps you could have learned some new moves! I was curious to see what other guys were putting on the internet. I am against people even taking my picture and can’t imagine the courage that people have to show themselves naked on the internet. Anyway, after having one friend check, I had another just to make sure. He was like, Oh my–soloboy! I couldn’t help it. It was like an out of body OCD experience. Since then I have been telling everyone what I did in this 5 second time period from thought to search. I feel so weird and fear what others must think of me. I started to see a therapist and he told me it was OCD. He doesn’t think it HOCD because it’s not like I watched a video or anything and he said that every guy has clicked on something while searching. I voluntarily searched the tag because I wanted to see. I hear that confessing is part of OCD as well. Looking for others that may have done the same before. I know I have to forget but I need some support while down here in the rabbit hole. desperately trying to climb back to where I was. Help me! I have only looked at straight porn before unless there was a thumbnail picture mixed in with the others. I think that is how they desensitize you to what you see. I would never go out and purchase something like that but since it was free and on the internet I figured I would look. Funny stories are appreciated because my experience is killing me.

  61. From another section of YBOP

    How did I get here? Well, I’ve always been a horn dog and have always let my little head do the thinking for my big head. Through high school, college, and my single days I’ve had multiple partners. Performance for me in those days was far from a problem! Before I got married I’d had several serious relationships but ultimately got “bored” and wanted to move on to the next girl(s).

    When I finally did get married about 10 years ago, sex with my wife was great for the first few years. During this time my “internet porn time” went through the roof and I soon lost complete interest in sex with my wife. But I guess I never really acknowledged just what a grave problem this was…and that it was getting more and more out of hand. To be honest, I’ve spent almost every waking hour the past 8 years fantasizing about, as well as acting out, bizarre sexual scenes. What started out as an addiction to straight porn, morphed into transexuals, and then to gay porn. Let me clarify that I am not even remotely gay. It’s just that I began to need even more outrageous or forbidden fantasies to get me off. One of the great shames for me is that I’ve taken it beyond fantasy and acted on it so much.

  62. I want to regain my sanity, stop fapping to insane material

    Battling against the monster that I had become (LONG POST) 

     by ThrowawayMonsterNo1

    I know that some of you guys are against making the NoFap commitment a New Year’s Resolution thing, but I decided to do it anyway in the last days of December – that’s when I discovered this subreddit.

    Now I’m in dire need of getting something off my chest.

    Here’s my story: I’ve been masturbating for about 14 years. The instant gratification in form of an orgasm was too good for me to pass. I remember the times of fapping to the “adult scenes” in certain erotic movies on VHS and on TV, I fapped to the long-loading jpegs on my 56k modem.

    As the internet connection got faster, the ways to get to porn multiplied and became shorter and shorter. The variety of fapmaterial was astounding. I invested a lot of time in finding the right piece to focus on. Initially, I chose mainly the softcore pictures of real women, but then I discovered hentai (and hentai games) and eventually – hard porn. My abilities in finding the right kind of porn grew, I discovered some fetishes that I had and played with myself ever since, my record being 11 times a day…

    Years passed. Girlfriends came and went, but the porn remained by my side regardless of my relationship status.

    At the moment, I’m with a girl that does not want me to watch porn. I lied to her on multiple occasions, had many arguments about it. Finally, I told her that I was done with porn. Unfortunately, that was not true. I started accumulating and hiding any porn-related material, using the incognito mode on Chrome etc. I’ve been lying to her for the entirety of our relationship (that would be three years now). She failed to convince me not to watch porn. And I would never decide to do it, if it wasn’t for my newest discoveries in the endless layers of internet porn.

    Here it comes…

    A year and a half ago, I discovered 4chan.

    Before we get any further, let me get something straight. I’ve fapped to nearly everything, mainly for curiosity purposes (It sure does look stupid when I see written it here), including many disgusting things that normal human beings stay away from. I always wanted to see more, discover more, conquer (?) more. I wanted variety and variety I got. But there was always THIS ONE THING I stayed away from./

    From 4chan, I’ve learned about TOR and the purposes it’s used for. I discovered who uses it and why.

    I was intrigued. Somebody on 4chan mentioned something about CandyDolls. I searched it on reddit and found a subreddit dedicated to it. I was disgusted by the underage models in bikini and latex, assuming sexual poses.

    But I was disgusted only initially. The aforementioned curiosity took over. The disgust (this time the disgust with myself) returned with a vengeance after I had finished… And it so appears that I had to feel disgusted a bunch more times before I decided to do something with it and finally discovered this subreddit. I watched the popular TED talk about masturbation and heard that the “pursuit of fresh material” may lead to bizarre places. Then I decided to join NoFap.

    I want it to end. I want to regain my sanity, stop fapping to insane material, stop spending hours of my time looking at things nobody should look at. I want to stop lying to my partner. I want my life back!

    This is my story. Thanks for reading.

    TLDR: In my search for new fapping experiences I stumbled upon stuff that is, but should not be, legal. I couldn’t help myself but to act on it. I feel ashamed every time I do it with this material. I want to change that and return to my loving girlfriend.

  63. Into female domination and that escalated into tranny porn.

    My personal battle started when I must have been 12 years or so. Like everyone else I discovered dirty pictures. For many people this might have been harmless but I remember beating it 5 times a day sometimes, even in my early days of porn. The real problem probably started when I got a own desktop computer on my room and free username+password to a porn site at the age of 16-17. I indulged fully in it. Still, my situation was manageable. Downloading cost time and there were only so many interesting videos. But things got worse as I discovered the free streaming sites.

    At age 20 I moved out on my own.  In the years before I had developed tastes in porn. My first particular appetite, that I can remember, was for anal. Then I probably had a couple other ones. At one point I got into face riding, that transcended into female domination and that escalated into tranny porn. Something I had stumbled upon some years earlier and excited me in some twisted kind of way yet disgusted too. The disgust and shame was greater than the excitement at the time. Now it was all I would watch.

    This lead to a lot of social anxiety, I felt like a dirty, twisted fuck. It also lead to insecurity about my sexual orientation, I started wondering whether I was gay. I was deeply unhappy.

    LINK TO JOURNAL – http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=1138.msg15286#msg15286

  64. After awhile it stopped arousing me, and found myself drawn to

    Throwaway account here, but I gotta have some answers.

    This HOCD is killing me. Married here. Gave up PMO when I first got married, but got back into it again. Now having some ED issues too and picked up NoFap.

    Porn started off pretty vanilla. After awhile it stopped arousing me, and found myself drawn to gay porn, but I fuckin hate that I’m attracted to it. I think at first I was just curious to see if I was attracted to it– have always kinda felt insecure about my masculinity. Eventually it became most of what I watched. Feels like it consumes my life, and have even felt the want to go and jack off with a friend, although I haven’t done it. These desires are so fuckin off… I can’t even believe i’m typing that, and I hate that I’m drawn to it.

    If I do Nofap, will I get my str8 mind back? I would never want a relationship with another dude, but I have to admit that sexually, since all this porn, I’ve thought a lot about getting off with another dude.

    What the fuck is my problem? How could I be drawn to shit like this?

    Help!

    Please help. Any advice is appreciated, but don’t tell me I’m gay– that’s not an option for me. I’d never embrace it, and I’m attracted to my girl too much so I’d never pursue that despite my feelings may say. I don’t want that.

  65. I got my manliness back

    I got my manliness back

    by maybelunarox22 days

    It’s impossible for me to describe how happy I am that I found out about NoFap. Last night I finally did what I was supposed to and regained my manliness.

    About four weeks ago I split up with my long time girlfriend. We were together for about 6-7 years, and keep in mind im 23 yo. Throughout all that time I used to PMO but I’ve never experienced problems with sexual performance with her. What was concerning for me was that, in such a long relationship we did break up a few times, and at that time I’ve always had some incidental encounters – which almost all of them would end up in my sexual failure. Guess I was driven back to her by the amount of confusion and sadness for myself (amongst other things, part of them being loving feelings). That would snowball into me checking if I had my mojo back every chance I got. PMO destroyed our relationship.

    Few weeks ago she decided that she cannot trust me anymore and broke up with me. This time I could feel it’s not just temporary. Given the amount of facts I know I hid from her, I don’t blame her for the decision. Anyone would probably do the same with that amount of uncertainties, and blaming my actions on PMO (which she didn’t ever know about, I was too ashamed to share) is just bullshit, cause it doesn’t make my actions any better.

    All in all, after being broken up with, I was crushed and afraid I’m not gonna be able to perform sexually with any other girl (my brain was fixed on my ex, just as it was fixed on porn). What’s worse, just like everyone, over time I would escalate into more extreme porn to the point that I was masturbating to gay porn. That led me to think I might be gay, even tho I always loved female form and would be disgusted by the thought of touching another man. That was the lowest point of my life, nearing severe depression levels and suicidal thoughts.

    I decided it’s time to stop PMO once and for all. I’ve had nothing to lose, either it works or it doesn’t. And guess what, I’m only at 22 day of my streak and last night I’ve had sex with this girl I liked for some time. She was at my place only few days after my gf and I broke up (about day 4-5 of current streak), and at that time I couldn’t perform. She was very understanding back then, didn’t get discouraged and yesterday came back to my place. This time it all worked out, even tho we did it without a condom cause I was afraid I’m gonna go flat. Second time we did it in the morning, I felt I could probably go with a gum, was still afraid tho. Today I feel like a man. Again.

    Guys, fuck this shit, don’t PMO. In my post I concentrated on our most feared problem to give you the motivation, but there’s plenty of things about which I feel better since stopping PMO. You know this, social encounters, filling up your day with assignments etc. It all adds up to your confidence and, eventually, your performance. PMO takes the joy out of your life, and in some serious cases, it could possibly even take your life. Don’t let it.

    I’m gonna keep going down this path and hopefully go all the way. The urges do still come, but the comparison of the feeling of pity for myself after PMO and the feeling of waking up next to a satisfied and smiling girl is just beyond any need of reflecting upon.

    tl;dr couldn’t perform sexually with different women, got dumped by the only one I was comfortable with, shocked at the beginning eventually pulled myself together and only at 22 days was able to have a regular intercourse.

    fnordsnord3 days 

    Don’t be too concerned about your foray into gay porn. Lots of guys report the same symptom. yourbrainonporn.com has got some great articles explaining why that happens to straight guys. (Usually we segue through tranny porn and into gay porn, but some of us go ‘straight’ there. In fact, gay dudes report that they can become unresponsive to gay porn and end up fapping to straight porn.

    Turns out it’s your brain’s response to the apparently endless “mating opportunities” porn gives you. You really need to read the whole thing, but the summation is: your brain wants more novelty and variety, and goes numb to straight porn, so you seek out “naughtier” stuff to give you the jolt of dopamine you need for the high.

    Porn derived fetishes usually go away when you break the PMO cycle. Most guys who do the 90 day reset find that that lose interest in the fetish material and the ED goes away, too. I still fap every few days (but that’s down from 2 – 3 times a day whenever I could get privacy) but I’m porn-free for over a month now. And my ED is much better.

    Mind you, I’m 50, and it’s not like it was in my youth. (You miss being able to drive a 6″ spike through a 2″ oak plank when you get older.) But I can now reliably perform with an attractive, attentive partner.

    And according to everything I read, it will continue to get better, the longer I stay off porn, and the less I fap.

    So hang in there. Ain’t NUTHIN’ worse that having an attractive, attentive partner, and having Big Jim and the Twins fail to show up for work.

    Colyer1 day

    I think I’ve convinced myself to try. Although I don’t really have any sexual performance issues (unless you include affecting the frequency in performance), I feel like porn is screwing up my view on things.

    I’m overly critical of objectively good looking girls if they aren’t exactly what I like (not that I call them ugly or anything, just in my own head). I’ve become unattracted to my girlfriend, which I think has been the main reason our relationship is in the less-than-stellar, almost-over state it’s in now. I’m not sure if cutting masturbation out is what I should do, but I know for sure that Porn has got to go.

    I really relate with your Gay Porn point there. I haven’t gone quite so far as to regularly watch Gay Porn (though I have watched a clip or two). But it still gets me, in reflection, to think that I find sooo much of the porn out there boring. Why do I find sex boring? So I grab a compilation video, make snap judgements, and scrub ahead if I don’t instantly like what I see (which is usually). There’s more happiness to be found in a broader sense of beauty than a narrower, so why am I letting myself get so choosy.

    trungpa 4 points

    I could definitely relate, even with masturbating to gay porn (which was actually around the time I realized maybe I am becoming really addicted). Thank you for your testimony and for providing me with motivation to try and stop being a slave of my own urges.

     

  66. Urge to act on HOCD

    Urge to act on HOCD

    I’m not sure I have HOCD exactly but I believe I have gay fantasies as a result of porn. The closest I’ve come is an experience with a transsexual prostitute but never an actual man. But these last couple of days I have been getting some strong urges. I’ve even contacted a guy on Craigslist. The rush is insane and the excitement is causing my heart to pump to the point where I have to take deep breaths to calm down. I’m looking at this as my brain trying to jump start me into a dopamine binge, but I’m still determined to quit the PMO so reality is the next thing. Will this just cause damage to my rebooting efforts or is it ok as I won’t be PMOing. I already know the answer but Jesus Chrisy I’m almost hyperventilating.
    « Reply #1

    I know how it feels, I’ve had the same urges (towards transsexuals) lately and have gone from fantasizing, through touching myself while thinking about one to actually looking for such an escort in my city. I thought that it wasn’t PMO so it wasn’t actually such a bad thing but it ended up with a full PMO relapse.

    Don’t make the same mistake. Brain is a bastard when deprived for too long of dopamine. Don’t follow the urges. ANY kind of urges. Keep in your mind, even attach a post-it on your monitor, that these urges come from an addicted brain and aren’t really things and acts that you need. They are empty. They’ll pass.

    Even if right now it seems like they won’t and could kill you. I had my heart pumping so hard that I thought I was going to get a stroke. It was scary. But I’m here, feeling ok, didn’t had any gay/transsexual encounter and I’m not craving any.It. Will. Pass.

    « Reply #2

     There is a BIG differenct between PI gay fantasy and real homosexuality. I beleive that if you have been attracted to girls for a long period of time then after years of porn get onto gay porn this can be the brain wanting more dopamine. I started watching porn  age 12, when i was 14 i got hooked at would be on everyday going through that i called ‘phases’ for instance i went through periods of lesbian, black, squirting, sex toys, sex machines ect and when i got to age 20 a slowy became more interested in gay porn and less in straight whichi amazed me because i had gone over 8 years loving girls. I started having gay fantasy dreams of me watching gay porn and would wake up with an erection feeling anxious.

    I have recently started no PMO, MO and those fantasys and feelings are growing weaker. I would like to also state the iv never wanted to kiss a guy or be intimate with one, just feels totally odd to me. Porn on the brain is a new thing and it will be interested to see how things change and develop with the understanding or porn on the brain in the next decade. I think science will have a strong veiw for the negative and changing effects it has on the brain.  hang in there.

     « Reply #3

    • Quote It. Will. Pass.

    Yep, it will. I was in a similar place in the past and would frequently message t-girls on an online bulletin board and when that didn’t work out, I’d message guys. I ended up having two encounters, one with a t-girl and one with a guy. They were both lame, empty experiences and they slowed down my efforts to get over porn. Of course, if you’re truly attracted to t-girls/guys then by all means go for it, but it sounds like this is just HOCD trying to fool your brain.

    The breakthrough for me was disabling internet at home for about 20 days as I got my reboot underway. If possible, I’d recommend doing the same. Regardless, if you’re committed these urges will dissolve over time as you make progress with your reboot.

  67. Under the article – “Did porn warp me forever?”

    This is the first time I have read what is, in essence, my story. I have given up porn many times, only to feel “the pull” and get back into it.

    It is addictive for me, and just like a drug, I sometimes experience a withdrawal, even if it’s a psychological one. I have found that porn gets “boring” after a while and I start searching for more-and-more kinky stuff: stuff I normally don’t even like.

    When I watch a lot of porn, I notice that over the next few days, I am irritable and my mind remembers the images throughout the day.

    I find that porn makes me “picky”, as I seem to be comparing “real people” to the images I am attracted to.

    So, I made a decision to stop, cold turkey. Although it can be frustrating, I feel so much “cleaner” and feel more loving. Yes, yes, I get that this is my experience and (perhaps) no one else’s, but it’s hard to imagine that I am so unique in this.

    I realize that I don’t react well to porn and despite our culture’s permissive attitude to it, I think it’s just best to avoid it.

    http://www.salon.com/2013/01/13/did_porn_warp_me_forever/#comments

  68. been watching porn for 10 years now, iv watched loads of stuff

    Hi all, I have to say that this is currently the lowest point of my life up to date. I have been watching porn for 10 years now, iv watched loads of stuff from lesbian, catroon porn, massage porn, squit porn, tranny porn, machine fucking porn, and lastly as much as i fucking hate to say it…….. gay porn.

    at first the gay porn really put me off, i watched it and just felt nothing, however over time i got turned on by it i cant really explain why. It seemed to be some sort of penis fetish because that what i would mainly look at. I never really watched the anal sex part as that does nothing for me but something about 2 dicks and no girls turned me on over time because it looked odd and forbbiden.

    Anyways I thought nothing of it at first because iv always known that i am straight. Iv always loved girls and i love their soft touch, smell, hair, saliva, pussys feminie voice ect… I have NEVER felt an attraction toward a guy in real life and cant imagine actually doing anything with one

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=6110.0

  69. A few comments under “Did porn warp me forever? (Salon.com)”

    Did porn warp me forever? (Salon.com)

    A typical comment from an ignorant baby boomer:

    Wow. This gives a whole new meaning to “overrought.” You’re overthinking it, kid.

    Still, as a baby boomer, it’s nice to see another generation develop such a toxic level of self-involvement.

    One reply to him:

    Wow, some of the comments from older generations here are way off the mark. There’s nothing funny or self involving about sexual dysfunction caused by a hyper focused adolescent brain. In the 90s there was only dual up and a few still images… By the 2000s that completely changed to unlimited streaming videos of any and all varieties.

    The brain can definitely be conditioned or get stuck in certain patterns, especially at that age. Porn should be a background accompaniment to sexual arousal, not the main stimulus to performance.

    More intelligient reply’s to the usual “oh this is normal”

    It’s not what kind of sex he wants that is the problem. It’s that he can’t have satisfactory sex relationships with the women he dates. If he can only get off with women twenty years his senior but he wants to have a life relationship with a woman his own age, he has a problem that will not be solved by him seeking a willing MILF, despite Dan Savage’s advice to just find someone with the same kink.

    I don’t think that, being from an older generation from the author, you can really judge what he went through. Your sexually formative years weren’t spent with easy access to backroomfacials dot com.

    Exactly. The easy, abundant and rapid access to such a wide variety of stimuli is a relatively new phenomenon and I’m not sure those of us whose formative years occurred before the Internet can entirely relate.

    Personally, I think porn can be managed in a very healthy way, offering an occasional alternative to real intimacy or adding a little spice to a couple’s sex life, but I’m also very sensitive to the fact that others obviously experience it as problematic. I’ve heard enough young men say, “This is a real problem for me,” that it is beginning to change my views about Internet porn being completely harmless, particularly when considering how serious to take it when my young son gets to an age where he’s likely going to start experimenting with this sort of thing.

    His father and I were normal, curious youngsters who snuck peeks at whatever we could get our hands on in our early teens, and I don’t feel like it really had any negative effects. My husband learned to appreciate the sensuality of women’s bodies through underwear ads and such, slowly leading up to stealing his own father’s soft-core girlie mags, and eventually, experimenting with the occasional video depicting more graphic sex. This slow progression was occurring, of course, at the same time he was slowly learning how to have relationships with real women.

    This seems a lot different than having full access to almost anything you could imagine at a very young age, and I could see how easily it could distort your experience

    Fascinating article. I don’t find this surprising at all. I’ve often wondered how the easy availability and proliferation of every kind of porn on the Internet has affected the sexual and even moral development of the generations that have known nothing else and that are exposed to every kind of perversity from an early age.

    When I was growing up, the only available porn were men’s magazines at the drugstore. Playboy and Penthouse were usually as raw as it got (though a few other magazines occasionally floated through). Today, there are virtually no limits. It makes sense that this saturation would have a significant affect on how young people imagine sexuality.

    I think anyone who has spent hours trawling and clicking through Internet porn can identify with many points of the article — what’s next? What’s stronger? What’s kinkier?

    In many ways, the symptoms are addiction-like but it’s not an analogy I subscribe to. Although being a lot older than the writer, I have often wondered about the effect on the young of the glut of porn the Internet has produced. I grew up in a country where porn was illegal and hard to come by (puns impossible to avoid), I was 18 before I saw my first porno — tame by today’s standards of course.

    Even with the VCR revolution of the ’80s, porn was still something occasional — usually involving having the house to oneself and an embarrassing trip to the video store. It was normal to go months, even a year or more without porn — then suddenly, within a short space of time there were terabytes to wade through on the Internet, endless downloading of more porn than could ever be watched in a reasonable amount of time.

    My porn overdose has brought me full circle — rather than click back and forth through video clips, I find it more enjoyable to sit and watch an hour long John Holmes movie and reminisce about the Golden Age of porn. If ever there was a case of getting sick of too much forbidden fruit, Internet porn is it.

    Today’s generation sets the record straight:

    This is the first time I have read what is, in essence, my story. I have given up porn many times, only to feel “the pull” and get back into it.

    It is addictive for me, and just like a drug, I sometimes experience a withdrawal, even if it’s a psychological one. I have found that porn gets “boring” after a while and I start searching for more-and-more kinky stuff: stuff I normally don’t even like.

    When I watch a lot of porn, I notice that over the next few days, I am irritable and my mind remembers the images throughout the day.

    I find that porn makes me “picky”, as I seem to be comparing “real people” to the images I am attracted to.

    So, I made a decision to stop, cold turkey. Although it can be frustrating, I feel so much “cleaner” and feel more loving. Yes, yes, I get that this is my experience and (perhaps) no one else’s, but it’s hard to imagine that I am so unique in this.

    I realize that I don’t react well to porn and despite our culture’s permissive attitude to it, I think it’s just best to avoid it.

    What the author described happened to me, and I only recently got over the issue. In a nutshell, I started watching Internet porn around age 12 in the late 90s, and I didn’t have my first sexual experience until this year (yes I’m a late bloomer).

    For the first month of my relationship with my girlfriend, I had a difficult time staying hard and aroused. Things slowly improved but the issue didn’t clear up until I visited a clinic and asked for a trial pack of a common arousal drug. After taking them for a few weeks the issue mostly went away, but still, certain sexual positions can kill the good feelings for me quite quickly. Sometimes it’s easier to get myself off later that night than try and coax my member into ‘full command’.

    I’m of the opinion that I have conditioned my body, without the intention, to be aroused more to my own touch, and to my fantasies or videos, than to the touch and sight of my girlfriend. So I agree with the author. And on an aggregate scale, if 5% of the male population has deep-seeded feelings of guilt about their porn habits and mistrust of their own capabilities in bed, they’re going to be less confident in other parts of their lives, too.

  70. porn can get you into things that don’t match your real sexual

    Hi all, as some of you know who read my old posts i started watching porn every day 8 years ago and im now 22 and a 1/2. I always watched straight porn and was always into girls form the start of puberty.

    I had very little female contact – however had a GF from 15-18 and never had any issues with getting erections that i can remember. After we broke up i bought a female sex doll and also had no problems screwing that (sad i know). Anyways when i was 20 i watched gay porn and it didn’t do anything for me, however, as time went on it started to turn me on and i watched it more and more. I never used to O over it as i would always switch straight because i would get turned off by the gay porn after a while during masturbation.

    Panic started when i would get much harder over gay porn that straight which i couldn’t understand because iv never liked a guy or been attracted to one in my life.

    I now have a GF and our sex life has been shocking, sloppy erections, almost no intercourse because of sloppy erections, I needed hard manual stimulation to reach O.

    Anyways i decided to give up porn because i wasn’t sure if i had turned gay or had developed and attraction to the porn because it was taboo and different.

    I noticed that i became very very turned on by straight porn again after 12 days on no pmo when i relapsed (i started on gay but after a few mins it seemed boring) which had not happened for ages.

    I was with my GF the other night and it was amazing, the touch of her soft feminine body touching mine was just awesome and i had a pretty good erection the whole time. After some time of sensual touching we were able to actually have intercourse – all be it very brief because i lost my erection, which i hate so so so so much, but you all know whats its like.

    I noticed that after edging to straight porn for some time that day that my penis felt dead again, and the porn was less of a turn on after looking at lots of different hot women. Basically this whole experience has taught me that porn can get you into things that don’t match your real sexual tastes and emotional needs. Also porn can make you have fantasy’s over those things in order to get you to watch porn and get a dopamine hit, laying off porn is the best thing i ever did before i relapsed.

    All of you good luck with your own issues this has been proof for me just how crazy porn can be on the brain.

    Peace

    Proof On Porn

  71. It allows us to foster strange fetishes very quickly

    I got into shemale porn, which disturbed my self-view on my sexuality, and led me to this site.  I had mild HOCD.  If I was out around town and my eye caught a dude that wasn’t butt ugly, I’d immediately question whether I was attracted sexually to him, and look around for girls to compare.  It was weird.  I never had any urges to be with a guy, but I can see how that is the logical conclusion of such a cycle of thought.  I did, however, fantasize about shemales.

    All of that is gone now.  I started my first reboot early last summer.  I haven’t had anything resembling “hocd” in a while now.  I think about them a lot less than I used to, but I guess I still have sort of a thing for shemales.  But the ‘fantasy’ t-girl is a rarity in the real world, most of them obviously look like dudes.  The fantasy certainly doesn’t overwhelm me any more.  Maybe it will fade to nothing with more time, but it’s at a level I can live with.  I have plenty of other fantasies that are very unlikely to ever unfold.  I’m not making love to any bikini teams anytime soon either. 

    I think a lot of the problem with porn is it tells us not to be okay with what we have available to us sexually.  It allows us to foster strange fetishes very quickly that we might not get into if we never stumbled upon it.  I may have gotten into shemales if I met a really cute one somewhere and got aroused, but maybe not.  I probably wouldn’t have ever given it much thought.  I don’t know.  But with porn, vanilla sex with a partner becomes inadequate almost overnight… 

    For me, a lot of the reboot is about getting back to the basics of my sexuality.  I don’t mind exploring it to some kinky ends with my chosen partner (I’m married), but it will have to be a slowly evolving and natural thing. 

    Kind of long-winded, but I’m glad you held off for now on sleeping with a dude.  I don’t think it would help your sexual identity crisis.  The reboot should clear that up for you, one way or the other.  It might take a while, but it will happen.

  72. In short, porn is all an illusion. Its all bullshit.

    I have read alot of posts on this site and MANY talk about how they moved beyond porn to real life experiences and almost all of them, those that I have read anyway, all say how those experiences were bad, where they did what they did and did not get off during it or were not hard during it…so seems to me that the visual imagery of porn, while stimulating the brain, did not translate to the real world experience.

    In short, porn is all an illusion.  Its all bullshit.

  73. Long-term Fapstronauts, did your fetishes go away?

    Long-term Fapstronauts, did your fetishes go away? 

     by homo_nofaptus7 days

    We all know the brain creates new fetishes as it seeks novelty and extreme dopamine rushes. My question is, after being on NoFap, do those fetishes no longer interest you? If so, how long did it take?

    REPLY 1

    I’ve done a few ~20-day streaks of NoFap and I’m currently on day 74 of PornFree. I used to be into the craziest things. Today, when I think back on it, I can laugh about it, and I find my past self completely silly and embarassing. In short, there is no longer any desire to fantasize, and no desire to watch anything bad. I’m reset, back to normal, and when I do fap, it’s to normal things. When I do have wet dreams, they are about normal, romantic sex, and not fetish material, which they would be in the beginning.

    With that said, the other day I stumbled upon one of my old picture sets on my hard drive, and I clicked on it, in order to see how far I’ve come and in order to show myself that it no longer affects me. Well, I was wrong. I was completely disgusted by what I saw, and at the same time I got a boner in seconds. Those neurotransmitter pathways take a long damn time to go away.

    So it seems that I’ve beaten the addiction in my everyday life, but it’s still lurking right around the corner. I’m sure if I went back on porn, it’d be a matter of days until I was right back to the worst parts of the Internet.

    REPLY 2

    I am 20 days NoFap and 150 days porn free…..I look at my old fetishes and they gross me out and/or piss me off. I find them frustrating.

    REPLY 3

    Mine have resided quite a bit and I have noticed that I am much more attracted to the “girl next door” type – i.e. I am no longer looking for models but attracted to good looking people with a good personality. An additional note is that I somehow became more fond of boobs.

    REPLY 4

    I’ve gone more than 12 days now and my fetish desires have greatly diminished… and to be honest, I don’t think I would need them to get off should I ever got married.

    For the last 21 years, my fetishes have been front-and-center in my mind. But now, after just 12 days, it seems that I am seeing them in the rear-view-mirror.

    Actually, if I’m not mistaken, the definition of a fetish implies that you pretty much need it in order to get off. I don’t feel that I need mine anymore, even though it’s only been 12 days. Remarkable, eh? 🙂

    REPLY 5

    All my porninduced fetishes have gone away 🙂 . The only thing left i still hang onto is light Bondage. So it really “cures” your bizarre fetish things which is good in my book

    REPLY 6

    I used to be obsessed with anal. I’m not any more. That may be because I had a really dreadful experience the last time I did it (don’t ask). But I think quitting all the anal porn, in which it’s held up as the holy grail of sexual experience, has also had a big part to play. It’s great because I’m not always thinking about how I’ll convince the girl to let me do something she probably doesn’t want to.

    Also, I was pretty obsessed with ‘permissible’ taboo porn – stepsister, stepdaughter, babysitter, etc. And I haven’t even thought about that stuff for weeks.

    So yeah – the volume on fetishes is definitely lowered, even as I find the thought of ordinary sexual acts more arousing.

    REPLY 7

    This was one of my questions going into NOFAP too…

    The vast majority of my porn induced fetishes are gone (probably from not having the imagination to think new ones up, and over time just forgetting the ones I had seen). Having said that, some of them, I’ve found, really fit my personality and those have stuck. They’re just a part me.

    I’d say don’t so much worry about your fetishes or your past fantasies and just focus on the future. Find the things and people that make you happy and fill your life with them. It really is that simple.

  74. wanted to ask if anyone else has had their tastes change

    New here, wanted to ask if anyone else has had their tastes change

    So, I’ll preface this by saying I’m brand new to this whole thing. I’ve watched the TEDx and YBOP, and lurked here for about a week.

    So, what made me really start considering try to give up porn was realizing that, I don’t think I’m actually INTO what I think I’m into. I’ve always thought of myself as a “chubby chaser.” When I first started looking at porn (14? 15? can’t remember), that was what I first looked at. And since then, that’s what I have looked at, basically exclusively. I loved larger (not huge/ bbw) women. When I started dating in college, I always dated chubby girls. And, I started to realize…I don’t think I actually prefer them.

    I’ve been thinking a lot about this. And, this may be totally false memories or whatever, but I can almost remember a first time looking for porn, and thinking “I should find other fat people.”

    Anyway, lately, I’ve been feeling kind of off when I look at that cute plump girl in class, or girls on gonewildplus. I still think they are cute, but that weird, thrilling arousal I used to have is gone. So, in the language of the videos, I’m wondering if I dug myself a rut, connecting arousal and sex with my particular type, and, for some reason, maybe it’s going away. So, being a scientist, I want to investigate! Hence: NoFap!

    REPLY)

    I think you have to take your own journey, and experience it for yourself.

    One of my concerns, is there’s this underlying message in your post that there’s something wrong with being attracted to a different body type. I don’t believe that.

    There is something wrong with being attracted to images online, and that affecting your desire for real women, but that’s not what you’re describing here.

    ANSWERING)

    I wasn’t so much saying that I have a problem with being attracted to a certain type, as I was saying I think my tastes might have been influenced early on in an unhealthy way (a response to bullying/ teasing), which were then cemented in my mind by porn. I’m trying to stop for a plethora of reasons beyond this one, but this one kinda of stands out as an interesting experiment. A few of my other reasons are:

    -I’ve noticed I’m starting to look at things that are pretty creepy to me

    -I’ve been getting drawn to online sex chat rooms, which is creepier and really deeply embarrassing and humiliating and…yeah…just bad. I’m also like, 99% sure that it qualifies as cheating on my SO…

    -It’s gotten to the point where I spent 3 or 4 hours per session, 2 or 3 times per day, which makes keeping up with work difficult.

    But those are less interesting, and WAY less comfortable for me to admit to or talk about, so I stuck to the changing tastes thesis.

     

  75. Through my porn viewing career, I have became insensitive to it.

    Through my porn viewing career, I have became insensitive to it. I first started watching straight porn with only vaginal penetration only (anything “crazy” grossed me out. Anal, bondage stuff, gangbangs, etc). Now years later I watch any and all of it (not saying I view it a shit ton) from what I mentioned previously to chubby/bbw, lesbian, trans porn (transgender, transsexual, crossdressing), gay porn, etc. Nothing really grosses me out and I’ve viewed porn that doesn’t really get me going too- pissing and scat, midget, bukkake, etc.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/18n3y7/how_has_porn_shaped_your_correct_or_incorrect/

  76. Need advice from you, hooked up on transsexual and gay porn

    My story. Need advice from you, hooked up on transsexual and gay porn 

    Hello people!

    I need help from you, I rewired my brain by watching lots of porn now I need to reboot my brain.

    (If you don’t want to read my story please skip to After I met #nofap)

    So here is my story.

    I found about #nofap exactly 20 days ago, when I hit rock bottom, masturbating everyday at least 2 times, 50% of the time on straight and 50% on gay or transsexual porn. So here is how I believe I rewired my brain by watching porn.

    Period of time – under 19 years old

    It all started when I went on college 3 years ago. Before that I was normal guy, healthy masturbation on some hot girls on TV, got crush on girls and butterflies in my stomach and was never curious about gay or transsexual porn. So until 19 I was completely straight and I remember the days when no one is home and I got really horny on some girls and blood rushing in.

    Period of time – 19-20 years old

    Now when I went on college I became really asocial, only out with my friends on weekends because I got tons of stuff to learn. I started watching milf porn and I was really horny about it. Then suddenly I forgot about girls porn, and started watching milf porn all the time because it was making me have better orgasm.

    Then it all went wrong when I suddenly saw tranny on some live cams, and I became curious. Then I asked a tranny to show me “something” on camera and I felt sudden rush of dopamine and became really horny. I really wanted to top some tranny (but not vice versa) but I still did not gave up from milf porn or cams. At this point of time I was really turned off by trannies topping guys or tranny on tranny or even gay porn. I did not like gay porn.

    Period of time – 21 years old till now

    After two years of masturbating on straight and tranny porn, I step up my game by suddenly finding a adult chat site for chatting with girls. I got really strong orgasm by having role play with one girl on about my age; I really like it. But then things got really wrong. Girls were really rare on this adult chat site, so on the same page got tons of gay adult chat and I became curious. I would chat (role play) with some guy but only with bottom guys because I loved to be on top. I was constantly getting smaller and smaller attraction to straight and milf porn when I was really horny (for ex. not masturbated for 3 days) but after each masturbation on tranny porn I’d felt guilty and horny for girls. So I did masturbate on girls after each and every masturbation on tranny porn or gay adult chat.

    Notice, I was watching gay porn but not intensively because I was disgusted by watching guys kiss or touch and I still am. So whether I watched gay porn it was NO faces.

    Then I even started not to feel enough satisfied with all this crap, and started to like to be on bottom. I was dirty chatting with gay guys (because there were a lot of them and I was horny lol) but when I go out with my friends or out of home I’ve never in my life felt physical attraction to guys, I got only crush on girls and about a week ago I got crush on a girl but I am afraid that I might not get hard on her.

    So all this crap made me emotionally attached to girls but sexually attached to guys (even gay porn made me feel hornier than straight porn). I rewired my brain, a terrible feeling of being straight but stuck on gay porn.

  77. I noticed my sexual tastes changing.

    Here’s my experience with my over-usage of pornography. Anyone else experience anything similar? 

    Sorry for the novella. I have a pretty decent history with pornography, and it’s caused major shifts in my sexual tastes. It’d be great to know that I’m not alone with in just how much porn has changed me.

    I was introduced to porn at around ten years old. My best friend growing up was a little bit ahead of his time, and he was the one who showed me the ropes.

    Since then, I’ve looked at porn almost every day for the past ten years, sometimes multiple times a day. After just a couple of years of porn, I noticed my sexual tastes changing. I started to like more extreme stuff as a lot of people tend to do. Well, I didn’t worry about it as I’ve remained single and was a virgin until nineteen. Leading up to the loss of my virginity, my desire to even have sex with real women was very low. It’s not that I stopped being attracted to them, because I definitely was, but I was only interested on an emotional level, really.

    Somewhere in between the start and now, my sexual tastes had warped so much that I ended up watching gay porn. This led me to a identity crisis. I didn’t have a problem accepting that I might be bisexual, but in reality, I’m not attracted to men, only in porn. I have zero emotional connection to men, too; never had even a passing thought about having a same sex relationship.

    This past year, I ended up having steady sex with a woman for about a month. Everything went well. I didn’t have problem stay hard and performing, and I loved every second of it. Not only did I have no desire to look at porn, but looking at women in real life now turned me on. I also got random boners again, which hadn’t happened in almost a decade.

    When the girl and I broke it off with each other and the sex stopped, I found that normalcy (as defined by a return to natural sexuality without porn) lasted about another month. However, after that month, I returned to porn. It started back with women, then extreme stuff with women, then a mix of gay porn and hetero BSDM and the occasional shitting/beastiality, then it became that gay porn was about all I could get off to and even then I ended up on the path to watching BSDM gay porn. That’s when I realized that I needed to stop.

    So, here I am currently, day three in my quest to quit porn and return to that brief period several months ago where I felt like I had found my natural sexuality again. The lack of sex with a real woman makes things difficult. I’m sexually frustrated either way, but even more so without porn/every day masturbation.

    I also try and try for women. I’m not unattractive. I’ve been told that I’m above average enough to where, even though I have low self-esteem, I know I’m at least decent looking. I’m direct in asking women out, but haven’t had any luck. When I get a rejection (or more than likely a passive rejection, where they tell me yes when I ask directly to their faces, but come up with some excuse to blow me off, or ignore my attempts at contact (I call once two days after asking, and if I don’t get a reply, I call at the end of the week again, leaving messages both times. After that, I’m done). This frustrates me beyond belief, which has really made me question why even bothering giving up porn, because without it giving me that apathy I just feel lonely and sexually frustrated.

  78. how im beating hocd and porn addiction

    how im beating hocd and porn addiction
    Hocd is killing me comes and goes the key to beating it on your own is discovery the root cause and its porn!  Wake up don’t let the thought bother you just lauph it off tell your self yeah sure im gay im gonna marry a women tho… just gotta face your fears im not out of it yet I just believe in my self that im not and the root cause of this is pmo im on day 13 of of no porn and pmo I feel improvments and ready to take this back and get my life back and hey you will get flatline you always have been intrested in girls you always will be its all mental I will be happy to tell you if. I had a choice I would trade porn for. Anything I hate it now don’t give up believe in your self takes time I know it does,  so get up go face your fears get out of the house be socail and make this hocd your bitch best of luck I told my self when I feel recovery I will post on here time to time to help people cause I know I used this for help.

  79. Guy guy from another forum

    Now here’s the surprising personal story. During the last stages of watching porn, before stopping that is, I was watching straight porn and getting turned on by women, yes women! It was really puzzling because I’ve always considered myself gay and when I see a girl I don’t really see them in any sexual way or attracted to them (at least not yet). And I know I’ve been gay since I was 10 BUT I have never explored being with a woman – never had a gf, never had sex with them, never seen one naked for real. So looking back it was just an UNEXPLORED SIDE of my sexuality, simply women didn’t really turn me on back then. Lately I got so much into porn I really thought of trying it out, with quite a bit of aggression too (as in aggressive sex). http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=5575.msg100547#msg100547

  80. “Fetishes” getting way out of control

    “Fetishes” getting way out of control 

     by juststopthisshit1 day

    Hey, fellow fapstronauts.

    I just deleted every porn movie on my laptop and will try my best to stop watching porn from now on. Ah, wait. Wrong. I WILL stop watching porn from now on. And hey, while I’m doing so I might as well stop masturbating. Here is why:

    My “fetishes” became way too questionable. Why the quotation marks? Because I’m quite sure they are no real fetishes, just a sign that my brain is becoming more and more fucked up and craving for more extreme material.

    It started years ago with relatively tame stuff, mainly a lot of anal and gangbangs. Then came bukkake, gay porn and shemales.

    Note: I am NOT a homophobe. I am perfectly fine with other people enjoying such material. The point is that I always felt disgusted after the deed was done, as if someone else than me was in control while fapping. I started to question my sexuality. I couldn’t (and still can’t) imagine kissing/caressing men, it’s just a very unpleasant thought. I’ve never found other men attractive, and STILL, while fapping, my brain told me that watching gay hardcore gangbang porn might be a good idea.

    So, these things worried me a bit, but they weren’t bad or immoral.

    Then came bestiality, rape porn and – occasionally child porn.

    And that was the point I realized something was very, very wrong. Not only did I feel disgust after fapping, now there also was guilt. What the fuck had I done? And paranoia. What if someone finds out? What if the cops are already on their way? What would my parents say? Fuck, I’m going to be an uncle soon.

    This is not me. I’m going to wipe out this twisted other person inhabiting my body. I am a nice person. I am intelligent, funny and people like me. I will not let this stupid addiction ruin my life.

    I’m also experiencing many other common problems, mainly problems focusing on learning for university and an inability to approach women. Each time I’m seeing a beautiful girl my brain is telling me: Nah, you’ll just get rejected, it’s not worth the hassle, just stay in your comfort zone. Screw you, brain.

    I masturbated some hours ago, while watching unpleasant porn and having a literally shitty experience with an item in my butt. I’ve never felt more miserable in my life.

    This has to change, and it will. Wish me strength.

  81. My fetishes basically involved anything that is degrading women.

    GUY 1)

    My fetishes basically involved anything that is degrading women. Rape porn, gangbangs and the occasional bestiality. Masturbating takes you to a path of degradation of morals and desensitization of your brain to harder and more disgusting porn. Real life interaction with the opposite sex becomes more distant every second you consume with fetish porn.

    GUY 2)

    Wow. This is somewhat similar to my path into the addiction. I kept looking for something more and more extreme. I even started contacting strangers on craigslist, fetlife, or okcupid that were looking for random and probably unsafe sex. I never met up with anyone out of fear, but I am ashamed that I even considered such a thing. I think my addiction has made “normal” sex seem boring for me. Therefore i dont enjoy it as much with my girlfriend. I’m hoping to put my other side in the past and revert back to the real me. The healthy me. It is comforting to know that someone is going through the same thing as me. We can do this.

    GUY 3)

    Speaking as a recovered user of CP, I can assure you that it is disturbingly easy to find if you know what you are looking for. Limewire used to return sometimes hundreds of search returns for specific keywords like “preteen porn”, most of which were the real thing.

    Strong Trigger Warning Below. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

    In fact, until very recently, you could find preteen and early teen girls in thongs and other wildly revealing and inappropriate things posing like pornstars on the internet completely legally and in the open under the pretext of “pre-teen non-nude modeling”. Luckily, the laws got changed and many of those sites are now shut down, but most of them have had their files saved and dumped on things like The Pirate Bay for active download even today. Do yourself a favor and don’t look this up. There are certain things that can never been unseen and tend to scar the psyche in ways that never heal. 

    GUY 4)

    The days of limewire and kazaa were really the days of a wild west like internet. You could see things that would scar your brain forever.

    GUY 5)

    Hey, bud. We’re not here to judge. Just do us all a favor and never go back to CP, even if you do relapse. I’ve never seen any of that stuff but from what I’ve heard, it’s pretty gruesome, and I firmly believe that anybody who watches that stuff even every now and then is a scumbag and cancerous to society. I’ve volunteered for hundreds of hours at youth centers for underprivileged kids and I cannot even begin to fathom having them perform such distasteful acts.

    “Fetishes” getting way out of control

  82. NoFap To Relieve my HOCD

    NoFap To Relieve my HOCD 

    by imonyounot

    A week ago I would have laughed at the idea of NoFap and the idea of HOCD; now, I am suffering completely from HOCD.

    After my research, I realized I conditioned myself to ejaculate to things that are outside of my sexual orientation.

    Looking back I realized this all was generated by my EXTREME use of heterosexual porn, dating back over a decade now.

    For all of those going through HOCD, you’re in my thoughts, male or female. Sometime’s my anxiety is relieved, and then it comes right back for no reason. I am disgusted by my acts that have crossed my sexual orientation, and I still believe I am straight, but I have demons.

    In conclusion, me viewing porn needs to be special again, fapping 3-4 times a day was not healthy. I hope this will bring me back to who I was just a week ago.. I’m on about 36 hours now.. Not sure how I feel, I just want the anxiety to go away, and I don’t want these demonic homosexual thoughts (no offense to anyone who is homosexual, but after trail and error I KNOW it’s not for me)… I just need the conditioned arousal to be removed, forever.

    Wish me luck gents, and the ladies that have stumbled upon this.. Any positive contributions would be deeply appreciated.

  83. I had a really shocking bad

    I had a really shocking bad experience a few days ago.

    I’m 20 and never thought about having sexual contact with a male, never in my life and I did not find the male body and face sexuallly arrousing in real life at all. Unfortunately, I had a relapse a few days ago and stumbled upon gay porn. usually, I would just close it as fast as possible and feel disgusted, but this time I was curious.

    Well, sad end of the story is that I kept being hard and pretty aroused while watching gay porn for about 10 minutes and this kind of unsettles me. Wasn’t that different a feeling from straight porn.

    You have to know that my sexual tastes got really bad due to the use of porn, but at least there was the illusion of having no trouble with my sexual identity before. On the other hand, tranny, incest, gangbang, etc, isn’t that healthy either.

    Well, though being a very hard hit on my self-awareness, I see this as a very strong reason to finally stop this horror porn and go back to normal. really hoping that this gay stuff won’t bother me after a complete relapse. I feel no emotional connection in terms of love for guys, never did.

    what are your experiences regarding this topic?

  84. masturbating so much that I got bored of ordinary stuff

    Okay. So, this is my first time on here and this is something that’s been gnawing away at me for a couple of months. I’m gonna spill it all right here.

    -I’m addicted to porn
    -I’ve masturbated to some weird and wrong stuff
    -I’ve masturbated to porn too much
    -I’m ashamed and disgusted by myself
    -My thoughts are twisted now

    You’re probably thinking “oh this guy probably jerked off to some kinky stuff”
    No. I’ve been masturbating a lot to the point that watching a porn-star take on six guys bores me. Orgies?. Boring. Leather corsets and riding whips? Whatever.
    Essentially I started masturbating so much that I got bored of ordinary stuff. Then I went on to stuff that’s just plain weird. I could spend a while listing the amount of horrible stuff, but trust me, it’s weird.

    At first I just got on with it, shrugged it off, but now it’s gotten bad. REALLY bad. I can’t stop, I get horrible thoughts, I can never concentrate, I’m uncomfortable around certain people.

    Here’s the REALLY bad part. I’ve grown an attraction to porn with girls that are…young. I know, creepy and disgusting, but I wouldn’t be posting on here if it wasn’t bad.

    My mind still tells me it’s morally wrong. It’s just my penis says otherwise.
    Let me be clear [b]I haven’t acted on these thoughts[/b]. But now I can’t look at a kid without thinking of some of the porn I’ve masturbated to.

    It’s less an attraction and more curiosity. I’ve gotten bored of ordinary stuff and moved on to other things. It’s the taboo I suppose.

    http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=80616

  85. porn watching over the years has evolved into

    Do the fetishes sudside? 

    by ididnotfaptoday1 day

    So, I am curious for the Nofappers out there who have completed the 90 day challenge and beyond, do the ‘strange’ fetishes go away? I have noticed that my porn watching over the years has evolved into some pretty centralized fetishes, but they only occur when I am extremely aroused. Do these go away over time? For me, its always “one more clip/video” or “this one was good, but I saw the other one on the homepage that I HAVE to see”. I know there is no such thing as the ‘perfect porn’ and I am just searching for an insatisfiable pleasure. But over time, does the urge/desire to view that specific fetish dwindle? (I may have worded this question wrong, but I feel that people here can relate to what I mean)

    GUY ANSWERS:

    VivereIntrepidus43 days

    That’s a good question. In short, I think yes. I think NoFap broadens the types of things your attracted to. So you’ll be turned on by more. To get off, things won’t have to be so strangely specific. And if your anything like me, that’s very, very good news.

    It’s like they say: before NoFap, only turned on by pornstars. After NoFap, every girl is the most beautiful girl in the world.

     

  86. last 3 years or so, the type of porn i have been watching are

    Let me tell you about my self. I am 19 years old. I have been watching porn since i was 13. But over the last 3 years or so, the type of porn i have been watching are extremely nasty filthy kind of sick perverse stuff. I never thought it would have an effect on me! But a few weeks ago I got a girl naked to have sex with for the first time ever in my life.

    But I simply could not get an erection. Not even a semi hard erection. It was fully flacid! I had no idea what the reason was until I saw this website yesterday. So let me tell you about my erections.

    I havent had a solid 100% erection for a year or so. Even when i am watching porn, if its the “normal” kind of porn i will not get an erection, even with manual stimulation. But if i am watching the extremely filthy hardcore porn, i will get a semi hard erection (about 40 or 50% hard). But even that wont maintain unless i continually stimulate manually stimulate it. If i stop stroking for even 10 seconds, i lost the erection.

  87. Porn has ruined my life, my emotions and sexuality are confused.

    Porn has ruined my life, my emotions and sexuality are confused. I am out of touch and no longer feel human. 

     by arousaladdiction

    I need to write this down, yknow.. get if off my chest once and for all.

    I am a straight 25 year old male.

    I’ve been trying to rid myself of this addiction for over a year now. I feel like i can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but my psyche feels so beat down i don’t even know what I am or want anymore.

    I started like most; at 13 using my internet enabled TV to browse photos of naked ladies, i would fap regularly. I remember feeling the sensation of orgasm for the first time and questioning how good it was.. like is that it? I carried on masturbating pretty much everyday from then.

    Things got weird. I started feeling the need to masturbate impulsively and i could be anywhere. I went to an all boys school and i would masturbate in class whilst rubbing myself through my pants. I don’t know why i did it. I just wanted to cum. (i probably did this less than a handful of times but i still did it more than once)

    Around this time I started viewing all kinds of content from sites like steakandcheese and littlemidgets of gore and suchlike. I think at this point i started to diversify in the content i would consume whilst fapping.

    Around 16 i lost my virginity. I remember it being pretty difficult to get it up… probably just nerves I ended up getting bullied in school pretty soon after that.. add that to being in a all boys school and i was pretty isolated from any real healthy interaction with girls

    Then i guess the long slog of PMO everyday just got to me. I’ve been through every fetish. When i was young it was high heels, then milfs, gilfs, threesomes, gangbangs .. a bit of BDSM.. then the more hardcore stuff…. then efuckt.. anything fucked up? Midget porn? anything, BBW’s. Then all i wanted to see was big cocks ripping small pussies up.. then suddenly i found myself on tranny porn.. gay porn.. this is when i got really low.. I developed HOCD.

    I was masterbating to normal photos and i couldn’t get aroused enough so i would disgust myself with this stuff to get off.. I would do this regularly.. build myself up with girls and then “finish” myself off with something disgusting.

    I’ve had ED with EVERY partner.. every one night stand it’s been very difficult to get or even stay hard (even when i had sex after 70 days no PMO)

    I went to amsterdam and tried to sleep with a prostitute, i couldnt get it up. I tried again, i couldn’t get it up. The second time i went to amsterdam i tried again.. no luck.

    I ended up getting aroused in my hostel thinking about trannies and ended up going to a transsexual prostitute and asked it to fuck me.

    I knew it was going to fuck me up really bad.. and that got me off..

    Recently the addiction has moved onto cuckold porn which really scares me because i feel it is warping my brain to not enjoy the idea of having real sex

    I am 100% straight but my sexuality feels lost, my emotions feel lost. I don’t know what is real, how to feel, what to feel, what people feel. I do not feel anything but an empty lonely heart. I’m going to conquer this illness but I am still addicted.

    You’ve read about porn really fucking people up. I’m one of those guys.

    This is something that follows me everyday.(Day 5 no PMO- 5th attempt (made 90 once before + 30 days the other times) Im a intelligent guy.. im no fool.. and i’ve really sorted my life out in the last 3 years but this cloud still hangs over my head. I’ve been lying naked next to a 10/10 who wants to fuck me and my penis is flaccid. I want to fuck her but I cant, it’s fucked up. I can see this addiction killing my spirit but its so strong it gets me over and over. I don’t want to let it happen again and for that reason I needed to share my story today,

    thanks for reading

  88. An Attempt to Face Porn Addiction by Carrying Out Fantasies (She

    An Attempt to Face Porn Addiction by Carrying Out Fantasies (Shemale)

    I’ve been hooked on shemale porn for over a decade. I watched normal porn for a few years, progressed to harder fetishes, and then got started on the shemale porn. I made numerous attempts to stop watching porn and had some success. After spending weeks away, my attraction to females was stronger than ever, the idea of shemales became less appealing, and I felt better overall. But, I always ended up relapsing. After weeks away from it, the shemale porn sometimes didn’t even turn me on and I would end up watching normal female porn. But, for some reason, I felt like I had to keep checking the shemale porn. Eventually, I’d get back into it stronger than ever.

    This cycle of relapse and regret has been hell over the past few years. Since there seem to be many guys who are hooked on shemale porn and none have succeeded at getting past it for the long-term by trying to suppress the urges, I decided to carry out the fantasy in real life to see if I would truly enjoy being with one long-term.

    I met a transgender girl who acted, sounded, and looked like a very attractive female. We went to the movies and I was aroused by the thought of her having a penis that nobody else knew about. We ended up having sex and it was a bit less appealing. I could still get aroused, but it didn’t turn me on the same way the porn did. I didn’t feel great afterwards like I do after having sex with an attractive female. I left with mixed feelings, but I decided to meet up with her again on a separate occasion. The novelty of it this time was lacking compared to before. During sex, I felt somewhat turned off by the male genitalia and started to fantasize about having sex with a normal female and how much more attractive the female anatomy is.

    So, I think it’s clear that the porn creates a fantasy that is not attainable or may not even be appealing in reality. I’m not sure if this encounter will help me realize the way porn has morphed my interests or if it will just add to my confusion.

  89. ED, HOCD and Anxiety

    ED, HOCD and Anxiety 

    by BRNoFapper 

    Hi There,

    I am currently struggling with a few issues and would like to share it with you all and get some opinions. Sorry for the long post.

    A few months ago, I developed HOCD and it made me insane. I didn’t know what was happening and immediately looked for assistance. I started to visit a therapist. I had suicidal thoughts and shit.. The therapy has helped a bit but I haven’t solved this issue yet. I can live with it right now but I am still not comfortable with it. I think HOCD was already happening but I didn’t notice, it came very slowly and I would say it took 1 or 2 years to have a spike that would worry me.

    I also had ED issues since I broke up with a loved girlfriend 4 years ago. I never really bothered that much about that since my sex life wasn’t very active and I could always use a blue pill when I had sex. Now it is a different story, I want to be myself in a relationship and I have those blue pills. When you have sex with them, sex doesn’t feel as great as it should and I keep thinking that the person having sex wasn’t myself because of the pill. I constantly think that I am addicted to that pill and I won’t be able to have sex without it again and that bothers me a little bit.

    When HOCD kicked in, I associated a lot of shit and the ED was one of them. I thought I was gay because I couldn’t get aroused by women in real life anymore, had fantazies on shemale porn and I guess you guys know the story as from here. HOCD IS A BITCH!!

    Now, I have good days and bad days. Still trying to understand this shit but I believe it will go away soon. I have always been shy towards women but I noticed that in the past 4 years the anxiety I felt around them was too big. Prevented me to have something with a lot of girls. I had sex with only 4 or 5 women in 4 years which is not much for a single guy at my age. (I am not concerned about the quantity but on the link I have with women).

    I started to watch porn at age 12 and never stopped. Never thought it was an issue untill HOCD kicked in and I quit it but kept MO (towards women only). I am P free for 3 weeks I think, don’t fantasize about it and don’t miss it. I am 8 days MO free and managing. I have some good hocd days (where I can think about something else) and terrible days that I can only think about it.

    My point here is, has any of you had a similar issue and managed to overcome it with a reboot?

  90. Will Fetishes/Kinks I seem to have developed go away?

    Will Fetishes/Kinks I seem to have developed go away?

     by ThrowAwayForHonesty

    I’ve seen someone mention it before, but I want to know other’s experiences of it.

    I’ve developed the urge to choke/pull hair/man handle/be really mean dom/BDSM etc.

    This stuff used to stuff and freak me out.

    Now I love it and find myself wanting to do stuff like that to women.

    Even having sex with new gf, I want to choke her a bit. (Ex loved it luckily for me).

    Will these go away? I want them to, I feel like they’re going to seriously get in the way of me ever being satisfied, since I sort of feel like I can’t O or get excited enough if I can’t.

    But in real life I haven’t got a mean bone in my body, and am pretty anxious/socially awkward/laid back/non-violent/non-agressive.

  91. Can porn induced Ed make you think your gay?

    Can porn induced Ed make you think your gay?

    For some odd reason, ever since I could not get hard with real females and even trouble getting fully hard with porn I can’t stop thinking that I’m gay. And I know I’m not because I’m 20 and always been attracted to females my whole life. I’ve had sex with 5 different girls. It juss seems like there’s no magic or spark they provide for me anymore. I hope this is all in my head. Anybody can relate or have any answers? I’ve even straight my whole life but ever since I realized I have porn induced Ed I can’t stop thinking, what if I’m gay?

    GUY 2

    I went through this exact same thing when I didn’t know I was addicted to porn but couldn’t keep it up. It was weird because I was jerking off to images of naked women at least once a day and often multiple times per day but I kept thinking that because I couldn’t get it up to real women I must have been gay. It’s all paranoia. Still, it doesn’t help that your fetishes have been so fulfilled by porn that you’re not even attracted to a real girl unless she’s a 10. I still have 50 something days to go in my reboot and am as limp as a wet noodle at this point, but I’m thinking that at the end of it I will be able to rewire properly.

    GUY 2

    I can understand someone thinking that they’re gay because they can’t get it up for a woman in front of them. I think the reason one would think that is because they’re searching for the next extreme that their mindset has become accustomed to looking for. Sex with women may have become boring. So what else is out there that excites me?

    When I originally looking at P, I started with the soft stuff. And then I progressed into harder and harder material because my brain was somehow building a tolerance to it. Starting out, gay P was absolutely disgusting to me. Same with shemale stuff. Fast forward a few years… and it wasn’t so bad to me. I even got off a few times to it.

    Point is, you have to wipe your slate clean. Everything will fall back into place in time. No worries.

  92. My Life Before and After No Fap: PI-ED, total lack of Libido, Es

    My Life Before and After No Fap: PI-ED, total lack of Libido, Escalation to Extreme Genre’s, and HOCD 

     by thetor66

    BEFORE THE DISCOVERY OF NO FAP To begin my story I would like to lay-down a timeline of my porn use through out the years. I remember as early as 10 years old (before I could even have an orgasm..) I would look at all kinds of porn. No matter what porn I watched it never seemed to satisfy (NO SHT I WAS 10 YEARS OLD AND COULDNT EVEN FAP). When I was 13 I finally had my first O (to porn). It felt incredible! I felt like I had become a man (or so I thought..). This is a good time to note that I have a condition called phimosis. For those of you who don’t know what this is, its basically having a foreskin that is tight at the tip leaving the glands covered at all times. I have never seen the glands of my dck so to speak. This means I have a predisposition to have an insensitive penis.

    So now that I had learned how to masturbate I would look at videos on my cell phone and computer whenever I could and PMO. At this time I was turned on by “vanilla porn”. At this time it already took a considerable amount of speed and pressure to have an O.

    Fast Forward to Grade 10 sex-ed: I remember watching a video being shown about a guy who was 18 years old. In the video this guy described how his porn and masturbation habits had evolved into a full blown addiction. He mentioned how his days and nights were spent PMO’ing and his perception towards real women had been drastically distorted. I vividly remember my thoughts towards the video were as follows: “What kind of a loser sits in front of a screen all day and faps? This is just some Christian BS (I am no longer ignorant of others religions but I remain agnostic) trying to keep us kids from enjoying the wonders of porn. After thinking this I had an uneasy feeling, it was as if I was entirely aware of the effects of it all but was hiding behind a wall of instant gratification and ignorance

    Never in a million years would I believe.. that would someday be me.

    At age 16 I had already been indulging in PMO 5-10 times a week for nearly 3 years. In May of Grade 11 I had finally got my first GF. She was smoking hot to me at the time. After one month I lost my virginity to her but here is the catch. I couldn’t finish. When I inserted with a condom I was shocked to find that it didn’t feel as good as I had hoped. My dick went limp after about 10 minutes and the condom broke. This was a relief at the time because I was terrified that I couldn’t finish. She ended up leaving for a month on vacation and when she got back we started having sex ALL the time. I felt larger than life! I still rarely finished(when I did it was awesome) and she would usually end up finishing me off with a handy and this was fine with me until she started to feel bad. She thought something was wrong with her. I thought something was wrong with her. I didn’t find her as attractive as I once did. I ended up breaking up with her (she was kind of bitchy in retrospect) and I had no respect for her. I was in total regret and started to have thoughts like was this lust or love?

    When was 17 I started smoking weed pretty much daily. Weed and Porn were the ultimate combination for pleasure. I would go out, smoke a few bowls, come home, and PMO. 5 months later I remember going on a camping trip with a pretty girl I had my eyes on for the longest time. I remember thinking how hot she was and when my friend hooked me up with her number I was one happy camper. On this trip one thing led to another and she was giving me head in the tent. It felt AMAZING! The best head I have ever gotten but unfortunately it took me forever to finish and by then I was only about 50% erect.

    I should note that I have never had any troubles getting it up. The problem was keeping it up. After this was the beginning of the dry spell I am currently on to this day. I remember all summer long and up until march when I discovered YBOP I would PMO up to 2-3 times daily. During this time I was in my first year of uni. I would look in the mirror and wonder why a good looking guy like myself couldn’t get women. I wanted desperately to go around and hook up with random chicks and had pretty much written off the idea of a relationship.

    I eventually stumbled upon tranny porn after awhile and gay porn on a few occasions. It was so gross but got me stiffer than any of the other genres I had exposed myself to for hours on end. This was half of my trigger for HOCD. I say this because I never questioned my heterosexuality at that point. I was starting to get into the genre for a little while and would switch between different genres depending on my mood. The true moment I found my HOCD triggered was when my friend asked me if I found a girl attractive. I said she had a nice body but she wasn’t all that attractive (many guys would side with me on this one). What he said next swept a wave of anxiety over me. He said “Adam, are you gay? It’s okay if you are you can tell us.” I was embarrassed and shocked by the seriousness in his voice. As I looked at my other friend in the car he was as serious as the one who asked. The two people in the car were my best friends throughout high school. I told them that I wasn’t gay but when I got home the thought was still lingering in my head. I started to look back to my past and to the moments of ED and panicked. I had never found men attractive before yet I felt consumed with the urge to determine my sexuality. I would go to LGBT online forums and look at definitions of homosexuality and everything I looked at only made my anxieties worse. Shortly after this was the time I discovered YBOP.

    After the Discovery of No Fap When I began to read the articles on YBOP and no fap everything made sense and I had confirmed a belief that I was in denial of for the past many years: Porn is poison to real sex. I don’t remember the exact day I started no fap but it was the beginning of April (the month of university finals FML!) at this time I was aware I had HOCD but did not know about the groinal response that came along with it. This lead me to think I was actually gay and I became obsessed with reparative therapy to try and get rid of the same sex attrations I thought I had. Anyone with an understanding of HOCD knows that obsessing over the issue with only intensify the anxiety.

    My advice for anyone suffering with HOCD is this. These are the only 3 pieces of reassurance you will need: Do you find your thoughts homosexual thoughts are unpleasant and produce anxiety? Does the thought of never being able to love a woman ever again make you anxious? Can you not see yourself emotionally investing yourself in a man (i.e: Kissing, cuddling, you get the point)?

    If you answer yes to all of these questions then you have HOCD. Any searching for answers, checking groinal responses and testing your heterosexuality to porn will only worsen the condition. My advice is to start the 90 days of absolutely no PMO ASAP. I had read the following statement many times before I realized it was key to recovery: you cant be afraid to turn out to be gay. The reason we fight the thoughts is because we fear them. when these thoughts occur and we don’t pay them any attention we begin to think “Oh no I must be accepting that I’m gay!”. I think of it this way. If I do turn out to be gay, (which I don’t believe I am) the way I currently think will be emotionally damaging to myself. If I am straight like I think I am continuing this behavior is not going to help. I was going to put a spike warning for this section but this is honestly all information people with HOCD need to know as soon as possible. If you are going to research anything, then research CBT. HOCD is a real condition (that feels real) and it occurs in many gay and lesbian porn viewers aswell. They experience all the same symptoms we do.

    Now for the Good News!

    Ever since starting no fap I noticed women have become slightly more attractive! I even asked a girl out from work and have been dating her for a couple weeks now. The time we spend holding hands cuddling and kissing has been very healing and the erections I only used to get from dry humping or hand stimulation now come just from cuddling! I see this as progress but I still have a certain degree of doubt (OCD lives on doubt). I have an emotional connection with her, which is definitely a good sign I can love her someday. I wouldn’t ask to get HOCD in a million years but it is the one thing that finally forced me to become committed to no fap. I only started giving it a serious effort 2 weeks ago (I still masturbated without porn) and I have been absolutely PMO free since. I plan to never look back because no matter what happens in my future I realize that its not worth it.

    I should also mention that there are other things feeding my HOCD anxieties but I feel they are necessary to share here. I don’t know if it the placebo effect or what but I have been noticing a lot of women getting the goo goo eyes when looking at me. I swear its like they are flocking to me! Even the hot chicks I would have to play games with to get the attention of. I no longer get the HOCD anxiety when I hang out with my bros as bad and I feel like they respect me more. I already feel like I am becoming a different person and I look forward to gaining the benefits of a porn free life! Sorry that took so long I just had a lot to say!

  93. Do you think the government is trying to make us Gay?

    Do you think the government is trying to make us Gay? 

    by thelegitchip 69 days

    I mean my sexuality was slowly diminishing and i was hooked on fetishes that were only escalating. I was reaching a point where nothing was turning me on anymore… Porn was slowly desensitizing me.. and i was questioning whether i was gay or not.. this is a conspiracy of course, but turning men gay would be the best form of population control… I mean how many men want to have anal sex now because of porn? i would have never thought about it if i would not have seen it.

    murphderp

    Since starting NoFap I have gone from bi to hetero. Porn can progam your brain, revert to its last stable state.

    nofaphrodisiac9 days

    To explain further into what you may be feeling: porn gets boring after a while. Since we have so many genres at our fingertips, we explore or “hunt for something new and fresh. This is something that everyone here who has struggles with porn addiction can attest to.

    Even though we are straight, we’ll venture off into the shemale, bi, or gay porn, simply seeking something different. It may get us off because we haven’t seen it before, or perhaps because we prefer it.

    This is the normal path for those who are addicted to porn. I’ve know lesbians who were so addicted to porn that they could only get off to male gay porn simply because it was pure fantasy, something thy could never partake in. Just like straight males and lesbian porn.

    This does not turn is gay. If you think that this is a gov’t plot, then please see my previous posts on getting mental health assistance.

     

  94. I just masturbated to something bad.

    I just masturbated to something bad. 

     by ThrowawayforMikeYeah

    I’d rather not say to be honest and its not important anyways. But im traumatized by it. The same way I was when I did it to horse porn and incest stories.

    Why can’t I just get off on normal porn at least???

    Anyways… I need advice. How can I get this out of my head? How can I just forget about it and move on. I have such a heavy anxiety inside me now because of this.

  95. A Teenaged Boy, Who Just Hit Probably His Lowest Point

    A Teenaged Boy, Who Just Hit Probably His Lowest Point, Starting NoFap Again (Warning: NSFW language and possible triggers)

    by NoFapTeenager1 day

    Hello all.

    I first started masturbating when I was around 11 years old. I first started watching porn around 2 years later. I am now 16.

    I have various assignments due in tomorrow at school. I should have spent this afternoon and this evening working on them. Instead, what did I do?

    I fapped. Not just to any old porn though. For the first, and hopefully last, time in my life, I fapped to “shemale” porn (sorry, I don’t know the correct term). I don’t mean any offence to transgender people, but that’s messed up. I’m straight. I know I am. But recently, I’ve been turning to more and more out there porn to get off. Recently, I went through a very bad patch of, well…..incest porn. Those wanks are probably the most shameful moments of my life.

    Porn is affecting my life. Even after just a few hours of not even videos, but gifs and pictures, of shemales, I’m starting to picture women I see on TV with male genitalia. That’s fucked up.

    I’ve never had a girlfriend, and never even got close to a girl. But that’s never going to happen if I waste my time wanking to ever more fucked up porn. And my school marks are going to fall, too.

    I’ve tried NoFap before. This time, I’m going to make it to 90 days. And, I’m going to quit Reddit, with the exception of this sub and /r/askhistorians. Almost every time I’ve relapsed, it’s because I’ve been sucked down the Reddit porn rabbit hole – one link leads to another.

    I’m sorry if this is a rambling, incoherent mess. I haven’t even begun to explain how porn has messed my life up. But….I feel confident. I can do this.

  96. Distorted Reality
    I believe porn has distorted my reality. It’s made me “like” things that I never liked before I was hooked. Two categories in particular: trannies and bbws. Before porn, I was into super-model status women without dicks or a lot of fat. I never had a problem with a little thickness though and I’m a fan of big tits.

    However, I want to share how I believe porn has distorted my reality, and this has to deal with bbws. As I mentioned before, I’ve always liked big tits and a little thickness (curvy), but not fat. However, I started looking at bbw porn because a lot of those girls had big tits. Before you know it, I was hooked! After years of looking at bbw porn, I started to date some big girls that I met online. After meeting up with them, reality slapped me in the face. They were too big for me and it was unattractive! It’s funny because I have seen women a lot bigger than the ones I’ve dated in porn and it turns me on, but then in real-life, it does the exact opposite! That’s really how dangerous this shit really is! I never tried to date a tranny, nor do I want to. But the bbw test was enough for me to know that porn does distort your reality and it can be very scary. I am now on my second reboot. I “recovered” once, but found myself slipping again on and off over the last year. Hopefully this time I’ll make a full recovery and I can go back to my natural tastes in women.

    For the people who have “discovered” new tastes while watching porn, do not trust it. Stop watching porn, and restore your natural tastes.

  97. I’ve lost almost all interest in my fetishes and don’t try to ge

    Re: Is it possible to get rid of fetish from porn?

    When I use P, I focus mostly on pics/vids that relate to  my own fetishes. I become obsessed with them and try to force my wife into doing things she doesn’t really want to do.

    I haven’t PMOd in over 100 days now, and over that time, I’ve lost almost all interest in my fetishes and don’t try to get my wife to humor them at all. And to some extent, I can’t even see what was so exciting about my fetishes in the first place.

  98. The cycle of PMO desensitization and the depression it brings

    The cycle of PMO desensitization and the depression it brings 

    by FapMonster55

    Sometimes life just seems bland, like nothing is stimulating enough to produce happiness or even sadness within you. Unable to locate those natural feelings you know and love, you think of the most peculiar feeling you can achieve immediately and for free to remind yourself that you’re still alive: Fapping. It’s outrageously stimulating and always reminds you of the glorious feelings that still exist for you in a world so boring, so monotonous.

    But, as you begin to engage in PMO more and more, you realize that the most stimulating part of your everyday life IS your fap session. As a result, you learn to depend on it more and more to give your life some excitement. Soon enough, it’s the highlight of your day, and everything in your daily life besides the occasional vacation or wild night out seem completely boring. Even the regular vanilla porn that started you off isn’t so great anymore. Your PMO habits have not only desensitized you to everyday life, but now they’re taking out your old favorite genres, continuously replacing them with wilder and more disgusting fetishes until the only thing that gets you off is something that 99% of mankind has never even contemplated.

    Before you know it, you’re spiraling downwards into a pit of depression headfirst, fapping to an increasingly smaller collection of porn genres to remind yourself that these feelings on the extreme end of the scale are still there, still achievable.

    But you’re doing it all wrong, fapstronaut…fapping is not the way OUT of depression, fapping was the way IN.

    For all my fellow fapstronauts out there suffering from depression, I hope this helps.

    TL;DR PMO can be a major cause of depression.

  99. Gay guy who exclusively watched straight porn

    I’m a gay guy who exclusively watched straight porn – gay porn did absolutely nothing for me. And putting myself in the women’s role was not my thing because women are largely demeaned in straight porn. However, I frequently entertained having sex with women with my favorite straight male porn stars in the scene. So, you see — twisted comes in may varieties.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1h664m/straight_men_gay_fantasies/car8nt6

  100. My porn is becoming more and more strange and my fetishes don’t

    Recently I’ve not even been socialising and in the past I was a very social guy. I was weight lifting 5 days a week before Christmas and for the last 4 months I’ve just sat at a computer staying up late on weird sites. I used to get up at 6am for a morning run and now I sleep in until 10/11am. My porn is becoming more and more strange and my fetishes don’t even make sense, looking up gay porn despite being straight and even recently scat/watersports which really isn’t me at all. From reading some of the stuff on this site it really sounds like what I’ve been going through lately and I’ve finally had enough.

    My recent behaviour sickens me and I want to sort myself out before I waste the rest of my youth.

    Believe you can and you’re halfway there (Johnnyfive Day 73 No PMO)

  101. 18 months passed and my HOCD is still there but my depression is

    I think it’d be good to bump this topic just to see what others want to say. Here’s my story:

    I myself escalated once to gay porn at the age of 14 (after 2-3 years of porn use – lesbian, straight, rape and so on). But I quickly noticed that it simply “isn’t me” and does not match my sexual desires. I stopped and everything seemed to be okay, well at least for the next 7 years. At the age of 20, after a failed attempt to lose my viriginity I escalated into omegle sex chats. Felt like shit, I hated women and thought they were only sex toys. Spent 1 year on sex chats, with kinky girls, milfs and so on, both video sex chats and simple sex chats.

    After a year or so, I’ve literally read everything. Shitloads of gay guys wanted to hit on me, but I always disconnected as soon as they said they were males. One day though, after hours spent on trying to find a decent chick to talk with, some gay guy started to hit on me on omegle and I was like “what the hell, let’s try that out. It can’t harm me”. I was wrong I started to freak out, the novelty was great but the thought of possibility of becoming gay was frightening. I spent months on checking rituals and so on… it’s all in my dairy.

    18 months passed and my HOCD is still there but my depression is much weaker. My sex drive isn’t that strong as it used to be, and I need to fight my rituals but I am able to have a healthy sex with my girlfriend. What I’m trying to say is: Don’t worry guys. It’s not the end of the world. Just leave porn for good and wait. Evrythings gonna be allright then.

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=2914.0

     

  102. Weirder and weirder porn (self.pornfree)
    Weirder and weirder porn

    by semperpee

    Does anyone else suffer from this? Not only does porn hurt my performance/erection, but it’s also shifted my sexual desires. The more porn I watched, the more fetishized it got until now I am even watching porn that really doesn’t even match my sexual preference. It makes me worried and I hope I’m not alone.

    HjerterEss

    The way it works is that the porn force you to view “forbidden” images/movies in search for higher dopamine release. Normal porn just doesnt cut it, just like drug addicts start on weak stuff and later find themselves almost taking overdose on dangerous and really strong stuff.

    So its just the rewarding centre in your brain taking over your common sense in search for more of that delicious dopamine

    jtallday

    Pretty soon nothing will do but watching a naked black man buttfucking a dog. Now thats some serious business.

    elpis1

    It has been the same with me. I started out looking at lingerie pics in a catalog, then straight porn mags, straight porn vids, lesbian, peeing, bisexual, gay and finally shemale which is kinda where I settled as it seemed to just give my brain the dopamine kick it needed. I am ashamed to say I went through a period some years ago (before the shemale porn) where I looked at loads of piss/scat/vomit porn. It sickens me to think how aroused I got from this as it was something I would never do in real life.

    Am I alone here in that my porn addiction escalated to such an extent that I actually met numerous transexuals in real life to try and live out the porn fantasy? I wish this never happened as it’s only led to sexuality confusion when I used to be sure I was straight. Porn is so evil!

    Misterml

    I am a gay man and I found myself getting off on straight porn, including lots of the most weird stuff that could be found. I think my brain was searching for novelty and the more shocking the better. It was the hunting that really kept me hooked. You aren’t alone.

    SewerCow

    Not to shame anyone, but I’ve always wondered who watches the movies in the really fucked up categories on every tube site. Midgets and grannies and women who shove multiple bowling balls up their vaginas and shit. That stuff is bad for your soul, people.

    knob-goblin

    You’re not the only one to have switched to watching porn that doesn’t match your sexual preference. I’m a straight man and I escalated to watching shemale porn almost exclusively and it’s something that can really kick my dopamine levels up when I see it but during my longest streak of over 2 months of no porn/no fap I started to realise how much that stuff didn’t appeal to me anymore and I was quite shocked that that stuff had actually had that effect on me because I had become completely uninterested in that stuff but then I messed up and fapped and spiraled back into watching that stuff. So you can get away from these fetishes but they’re so ingrained in your neural pathways that it takes a long time to break away from them and it’s easy to fall back into them if you mess up. So be careful.

    probablyhrenrai

    Same; been two weeks since I looked at any hentai shit; after two weeks, I put on a “no regression” rule. I won’t let myself go that far out again.

    les13

    i had the exact same experience. and to be honest, id be high (from weed) and usually look at porn and i think it really fucked my brain up…without even realizing what i was really watching, i started watching bisexual, then straight up gay porn and i am a straight male. so it was a really bizarre experience. my heart would pound and i felt what i think now was anxiety about the whole thing when i was searching through videos…which probably has to do with the dopamine drive… so yea youre not alone 🙂

    samueltanders

    If you had told me two years ago that I would get off on the kinds of porn I ended up watching and enjoying most, I would have told you that you were crazy. I think pornbrain pushes you to extremes so that the shame factor keeps climbing. In that way, the pornbrain gets you to keep the secret and not tell anyone. By the way, I’m a gay guy who ended up exclusively watching straight porn — so there you go.

     

     

  103. Did you want or need to quit porn?

    Personally, I didn’t quit porn because i wanted to, i did it because i felt i needed to. The depression, time wasted, lack of motivation were hitting me right in the face but it wasn’t until i realized how extreme my tastes had gotten because of all the porn use. I wanted to act out the porn i watched with the girls i liked but they were definetly not into that, i was nowhere near extreme as some of the other people i see post here but extreme in my eyes nevertheless…its crazy how it starts off with pictures when you are young, then videos, then just gets progessively more and more extreme until you finish a marathon fap session and realize what you were watching…then go WTF! I would have honestly loved to keep watching porn without any side effects  ;D. However as we all know, thats not possible. :'(

    Did you want or need to quit porn?

  104. Gay guy’s experience with morphing sexual tastes

    I myself had HOCD, in the sense that I feared myself to actually be
    heterosexual, since I eventually was exclusively turned on by straight
    and “lesbian” porn. Yes, “feared,” because my entire social identity was
    as a gay man and I am married to a man. If I went “back to straight”
    — a move that nobody would ever believe and is more taboo nowadays
    than coming out as gay — I would be a social outcast. But I took a big
    step toward overcoming this when I realized that I had eroticized the
    fear itself.

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=8419.msg213389#msg213389

  106. The porn has been getting worse and so has my sexual tastes

     

    I started nofap a while ago and was averaging ten to eleven days between relapses. I was feeling great, in control of my life, superpowers galore, but this last week I have been doing it everyday. The porn has been getting worse and so has my sexual tastes (stuff I would never have thought I would be in to). I’m really concerned ill never beat this addiction. I think my feeling depressed this week has led me to fapping more. I’m just really disgusted with myself. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want this in my life but I still find myself doing it. Sigh…

    My addiction is getting worse. Need help

    by ninjastrength86

  107. i used to love rape porn, that are quite the opposite of femdom

    i think you are right. even if i had various femdom thought in my adolescence, i used to love rape porn , that are quite the opposite of femdom one lol
    Femdom then replaced rape porn and i don’t like it anymore.
    i would like to say that when I’m not excited, i was completely disgusted about them.

    from this thread – Has anyone managed to completely eliminate FEMDOM fetishes??

     

     

  108. When I started to reboot, my masculinity started to come through
    from this thread – Has anyone managed to completely eliminate FEMDOM fetishes??

    GUY 1

    Do not listen to the above poster who simply gave you his struggles instead of giving you the motivation you need. Yes you can get rid of it, but it takes work.  The thing that I saw in my life about why I liked that sort of stuff is I was raised by females, so I developed sort of a sensitive, submissive personality.  The shemale stuff played right into that “women” who could dominate me and take control. 

    When I started to reboot and rewire, my masculinity started to come through and my tastes rewired themselves back to women in reality.  About day 20 into my reboot I think my brain started to switch, and last week I looked back and almost vomited because my brain was in REALITY. Dam, those are completely fucked up distorted dudes who chemically mess themselves up to look like women and fuck guys and girls. 

    I’m still in flatline libido wise, but I’m starting to notice when I talk to women I notice smiles, flowing hair, beautiful shapes, etc.  No lie I relapsed a shitload of times to shemale porn in the beginning because it’s such a high dopamine kick, but trust me the real world is 1,000 times better.

    Good luck.

    GUY 2

    I have the femdom thing too. Makes me ill and I do not accept it.

    I’ve had two reboots that have lasted longer than a week (about to have my third) and every time, the femdom stuff has been replaced by fantasies where I’m the dominant one/aggressor. Happens right around the Day 7 testosterone spike.

    People say the longer you go, the more your brain re-wires to that mentality and I believe it, even if my experience is limited. One relapse is enough to bring it back, though; mainly because I haven’t gone far enough into rebooting for the re-wire to really set. It’ll always be there, but believe them when they say it changes for the better.

    GUY 3

    after 42 days i have a few strong flashbacks here and there but generally i rarely think about it, in fact i realize the longer i go without porn my more aggressive personality shows itself. I think femdom will go away generally 99% but like heroin or those drugs you will always be reminded of it if you relapse back into porn

  109. How I destroyed my sexuality… and how I plan to get it back.

    How I destroyed my sexuality… and how I plan to get it back. Extreme fetishist here.

    by Just_call_me_ME

    I’m fucked up. That’s the first thing you should know about me. I’m fucked up possibly beyond repair. Let’s jump in.

    When I was 8 I discovered how to masturbate. Normal things turned me on. Now, at this point I think I had an affinity for sexy stockings and latex, and I probably always will. I’m okay with this.

    Then, I discovered a flash-based porn game. It turns out, hentai and animated sex were a lot more satisfying to me, so I switched to cartoon porn. Down the road I saw an image of a shemale, and I liked it. So now I’m okay with both pussies and dicks. Following me?

    Eventually I started fantasizing about huge, muscular, feral creatures (males) raping me and taking advantage of me. I just found it so hot. Not only was I into furries now, but I also indulged in sick, aggressive, and sometimes gory masochistic fantasies. At this point in my life, I was in my teens.

    But my sexuality only continued to get stranger when I discovered roleplaying online. I’ve never identified as a furry, but I did masturbate to them and roleplay with them. I began frequenting furry chatrooms, message boards, image sites, and f-list. I will never return to f-list again. During this phase, my sexuality was fucked up bad. Suffice it to say, I was aroused by things that would make most people disgusted… and I loved every minute of it.

    So, from my late childhood to my late teens, I watched a lot of erotic material. When I got bored with one thing, I began masturbating to something even more extreme. I’ve been “into” a lot of things: tentacles, castration, goo, femboys, circumcision, humiliation, degradation, slavery, crossdressing monsters, muscular furries, BDSM, latex, and those are about the most extreme. I’ve decided to stop indulging in these fantasies though, for I am no longer aroused by people; by human beings. I fear for my sexuality and I hope that one day I will be aroused by normal things again. That’s why I’m here.

  110. Questions on escalation to shemale porn

    Questions on escalation to shemale porn

    September 23, 2013

    Frye

    When I was about 16 years old I saw the word ‘shemale’ now and then when searching for porn on my parents’ computer. I was curious and downloaded a file. The shemale had a very masculine face, low voice, manly hairline… Looked like those female bodybuilders but with a penis. I was disgusted and never wanted to see any shemale video again.

    When I was 20-21 I started to PMO a lot, before that it was usually MO on magazines or fantasy. At a certain point I had trouble to O on female P. I decided to look up a shemale video just once, just to see it was really that disgusting. I found out they could also look very feminine and a new fetish was born.

    At first it was 50-50 female/shemale but later it became about the only thing that could arouse me. I changed it up now and then with other fetishes but I kept a thing for shemales, although it’s only the feminine ones. I don’t know if it will go away, I’m doing my very first reboot right now. But I don’t feel ashamed about it like I was a couple of years ago. And after all, it’s all just a fantasy.

    AlexP11

    I discovered shemale porn by accident and it was at first glance more exciting to me than regular porn. So did some transexual and gay porn, but not all. During my final days of watching porn regularly i was watching regular + gay + shemale + transexual + orgy porn. Then my erection dried out completely…

    sidney1990

    yea im deep into shemales… they’re a headfuck and i keep relapsing whenever im bored and have nothign else ot do

    aristotle

    I first got into shemale porn when I was bored with regular camgirls and I saw the shemale section. So I check it out and it intrigued me. And for some reason watching the shemale camgirls turned me on when I was bored with the regular camgirls. And then I started looking at shemale porn and that turned me on too when I was bored with regular porn. But I would still look at regular porn most of the time, and only occasionally look at shemale porn. I don’t know what it is that I find arousing about shemale porn, it is just different than regular porn, I think that’s why I watch it.

    mxsurfer

    I wish I could know how many went back to “normal” after beating this “escalation”. I myself have fallen down to this level for years now. Like a few others here I am not sure it is entirely just escalation anymore.

    I stopped posting here since I thought I was over it and can beat porn addition myself and by coming here it still showed that I am being controlled by it. Needless to say it did not last. I use to post under maxsurfer not that I posed anything useful.

    I went as far as meeting with a shemale, terrible a nightmare, will never do it again, but I still watch the porn. Currently I only watch cuckold and shemale porn and no regular porn at all.

    crazydude

    I’ve gone back to lesbian porn now, i found shemale porn really really arousing at first but not really my cup of tea anymore once i stopped being afraid of what people would think it lost that rush it gave me and became boring.

    When i first found shemale porn it was new and exciting but now id rather a woman with a pussy to be honest or a woman with a strap on aint that the same thing but its a real woman. Fear is what drove my attraction to shemales but once the fear was gone the attraction was gone. It don’t look right seeing a woman with a dick anymore not disgusting but just not right. I think part of me is still curious about the idea of it because its basically gay sex with a woman there is no other way to explain it.

     

  111. Straight guy, 24 y.o virgin, 33 days in, but still desire gay in
    Straight guy, 24 y.o virgin, 33 days in, but still desire gay intercourse

    Attention: I don’t really know if I should tag this post as NSFW, if you think you are weak right now maybe it is best not to read.

    Hey there friends, as title says, I’m a 24 y.o virgin (christian family), although I already decided to lose my virginity at first opportunity.

    I always was very attracted to pretty girls and women, they really turn me on, so I’m 100% sure I’m a straight guy. I began with PMO at 12’s, and as far I can remember, after a lot of anal porn I began to really desire be in the place of the submissive woman in the videos, especially to be dominated. But, I never felt attracted to men in the real life, and not attracted to men in the videos.

    Hot women in the videos always attracted me a lot, but I really desired to watch them being submissive, and imagining myself in their place, especially in group videos.

    As my desire grew, I also started to desire dress like woman and experience all those videos in their place. At the same time, I also desired a lot to have straight sex with woman, and while fapping, frequently I could fantasize about being in the role of the woman, but then start fantasizing about being the man in the intercourse. When this “fantasizing” change happens, I notice I can’t think about both things at the same time, I lose libido and have to focus on only one fantasy.

    Another weird fact, gay sex videos does not turn me on, unless those with “shemales”, but even those I feel disgusted and prefer straight ones.

    So at 14 I began to sign up for gay dating sites, and at 15 I saw myself in the room of a much older guy. At the moment I walked in the room, I lost all my libido and didn’t like the experience at all, promising to myself never to think about gay sex again.

    Although I didn’t stop to fantasize about being in the role of the woman, at 20 I had my first girlfriend, also my first real kiss to a woman (sadly had kissed that guy at 15’s…). After I first kissed her I sorta found a power inside me and didn’t PMO for 3 weeks, till I start again. Some months later we broke, and after a while I had another girlfriend. During those relationships I was really happy, but my “gay” fantasies didn’t stop also. After almost one year we broke, and at 22 I saw myself again in the room of another man, and I thought this time I would enjoy it. Well, again, no libido at all, no erection, I hated that experience.

    Later I began my last and longest relationship with a woman. Again, at start I lost all desire for gay sex, but after sometime the desire comes back. This relationship lasted more than one year, and I really loved her and loved to “hump” with her (as happened with my ex-girlfriends). Now I’m single again for some months.

    Short story, 34 days ago I met a girl in the bus and in the next day took her to a motel, thinking it would be great and as my first experience I would have a great erection. But I had no erection at all, just like during those experiences with men. Then I truly stopped PMO, thinking this was the source of my problem. So one week later I took another girl to a motel, a sexier and younger friend. We stayed in the room for 10 hours, slept together, but I could not even start an erection. After that I found this community and yourbrainonporn, truly starting my journey.

    So, even 33 days in, my brain still tries to send me “videos” of both me in the guy role in a straight intercourse with some girl I know, and me in the woman role of a anal intercourse of something I watched, and both turn me on. Also, seems like in those I’m in the role of the woman I’m aroused faster. This is very frustrating! Again, I have no attraction at all for men, and almost all skinny woman in the street attracts me a lot.

    Is my brain still a lot messed up?? Have any of you experienced something similar?

    dying_to_be_vain

    I had a very similar experience with porn. I am, and have always been straight, but had the strongest submissive, gay fantasies, and also experienced ED with women afterwards.

    If you stay with NoFap, and really commit yourself to hard mode, it goes away completely. What you are feeling is 100% because of the porn.

    I also experienced the fantasies going away for a while when I got a new gf, only to have them come back after a while. It started like that with my latest girlfriend, and after I got serious with NoFap, it went away.

    Stay strong, and feel free to pm me if you have any questions.

    wankwillnotownme64 days

    Bro,first dont question your sexuality you are 100 percent straight i assure you its HOCD (Homosexual Opsessive Compulsive Disorder) you have there i had it too for two years wanting to kill myself here are sites where you can help yourself

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybop-articles-on-porn-addiction-porn-induced-problems/effects-of-porn-on-the-user/exposure-therapy-for-hocd-2012/

    http://www.brainphysics.com/hocd.php

    stay strong,it will be a mess first few days,but later it will just fall

    BowDown2Bale

    As porn users, nearly all of us have questioned our sexuality. I think its a big reason people come here! I’m battling with mine every time I watch porn, which mainly includes trans on female. I have no desire to be or sleep with a transwoman, but I’ve been brainwashed into viewing that as sexy when i’m touching myself. Its not right.

    HunterOfHunters

    You may be slightly bisexual and I recommend staying away from porn for a
    long time,watching it grows tolerances in our minds and leads to
    boredom,you watching guys do that just took the attention from the whole
    scene because you weren’t excited by anything else anymore.I remember
    that I used to watch basic porn,then it got feistier and weirder,I all
    of a sudden I wanted to try guys and got into latex porn and other
    whacky things,and after a deep thought about my sexuality I found out
    that I wasn’t really bi or gay,and that when I took a long break,I began
    to return to my old self!

    silentSmooth

    You’re young so it takes longer for your brain to rewire – Havng all of that porn when you were at an impressionable age, when your personality was devoloping, seems to create deeper problems. Keep up nofap for 90 days at least. What you should find is the intensity of the fantasies lessen.

    Personally I think gay fantasies (not the reality) will always be a route your brain can take to get off, but the more you ignore it the less hold it will have.

    As a side note I found mindful meditation a great way to control my thoughts. I’m still not perfect, but I wish i’d tried it and no fap at your age.

     

  112. Declined a real girl and chose porn…..

    Declined a real girl and chose porn…..

    by shadymademe

    you know its bad when I chose porn over the real thing…. I’m 23 years old and struggled with this addiction since age of 12 Now the type of porn I view is morphed into things I am ashamed to even talk about….I know that isn’t the real me…I am straight.. I know I can change with my best foot forward and with the help of everybody on here…..goal is 90 days….here I go from October 1 to Dec 29… I can’t do it alone… we all need each other. I appreciate all of what you guys do.

  113. Now I know what you’re all thinking; he’s gay right?

    Day 3- Fundamentals of human existence that porn has removed from my life.

    I mentioned yesterday that I already had problems with masturbation by the time I was 14.

    You know those butterflies you get when you see a girl you like? When a hot girl takes your breath away as she walks into the room? That intense carnal desire you get towards the end of a night out when you’re about to get lucky?

    I don’t. Literally the only experience that I have of that was my first crush shortly before this habit started. I must have been about 14; & the girl walked into the room & just sat down in a maths lesson of all places. I did fuck all work that hour & sat there with a raging hard on for the whole lesson just blown away by how much I wanted to be with her. That was probably the first & only time I’ve ever properly ‘fancied’ a real life girl.

    Now I know what you’re all thinking; he’s gay right? Well after two years of fancying nobody of either sex at my school, logic made me think I might be. It made no sense to me that I had near boundless sexual energy for online women yet wasn’t remotely interested in the ridiculously nice, friendly girls who I spent all day at school with & who sometimes even showed an interest. What the fuck made me do it I don’t know; & whilst I’m all for gay rights & Neil Patrick Harris, gay porn taught me unequivocally that I am most definitely straight…

    It turns out that what porn addiction eventually does is completely remove your desire for real women. Now whilst I’m certainly not a looker, I studied abroad & went to university, & in both scenarios sex occasionally just falls into your lap when you’re not looking for it. But why take these opportunities? You know full well the girl hasn’t given you a boner when you’ve kissed her, & aside from anything else, when you do wank you know that once you’re hard you only last a few minutes before climax at best; moments at worst. The pleasure of orgasm has been diluted so much by this stage that you’re only really going to be doing it for her; so why get involved when you know that you struggle to get hard, & on the remote chance you miraculously overcome that; premature ejaculation to disappoint her…

    You can’t escape sex in western culture. Every TV programme, every song, every book, always has sex in it. Nigthtclubs exist as practical supermarkets for sex.

    But forget the loss of my sexual youth, those flings with exchange students, those butterflies when you fancy a girl, fuck all of that. As long as I continue this habit I don’t have a chance in hell of ever finding love. This great, incredible feeling that’s the ‘best thing ever’; entwined in the plot of every film, the interaction you see every day in the street, a fundamental ingredient of the very fabric of human existence. It all revolves around finding this special feeling, that one person who you feel completely at one with, and I have no fucking clue what that feels like. I can’t even begin to imagine it.

    Years from now I hope to recover enough from this to have a normal relationship & maybe even kids. I hope the fact that I’ve gone through this will make me appreciate them even more. But for now; I’m just going to get through day 3… See you all tomorrow.
     

  114. It disgusts me, but I enjoy it for some fucked up reason.

    I feel as though I get off to the worst kind of porn ever made, incest porn. I dont know why… I know its not real or I dont wanna believe its real. It disgusts me, but I enjoy it for some fucked up reason. Im always drawn to it. I just want to feel normal. My hope is that by not watching any porn I can be free of this. If any of my friends or family knew I was into such things I would never be able to speak to them again. Im not a pervert. I dont want to be a pervert. But im afraid. What if I have a family? Will the urges still be there? Im afraid to go into more detail about all Im into but I really want to get it off my chest. I feel like everybody else out there is normal and Im a freak because Ive fap to incest pornography. Why?

    I just want to be normal.

  115. Struggling with ‘fetish’ and it is negatively impacting my life:
    Struggling with ‘fetish’ and it is negatively impacting my life: Does anyone have similar experience?

    The downward spiral begun with soft-core stuff, gradually descending to more and more extremes until now where it is at a very strange point. It has taken several years for me to get to this point, I am almost eighteen, and this has been bothering me for the past year now but I still haven’t managed to kick it.

    A low point eventually ended with me browsing craigslist. I have unfortunately hit the low of viewing ‘sissy’ pornography or ‘hypno’ videos. These to me seem like they are designed to be addictive, in fact the whole basis of the appeal to these videos is that the addiction and transformation is the appeal.

    I find the popularity of this ‘fetish’ incredibly worrying. I suppose the line of appeal is masochistic emasculation, which I read about on another post on reddit.

    To the point this has had a major negative impact on my life: I have engaged in risky sex with men on craigslist, it lowers my self esteem, and it completely conflicts with my outwardly masculine nature and appearance which in reality I really want to maintain and if anything nurture in my sexuality.

    This has caused me to have problems pursuing real life girls who I know and get along well with as people, because if things ever got sexual I feel like I’m too messed up to function properly.

    I have tried NoFap, but I whenever I get to around 7 or 8 days, I start replying on making ads on craigslist since I can’t get any release myself. This makes everything worse. I haven’t even been sure of my sexuality for a year, yet I know before I started watching pornography I was straight. I never experienced the upside of NoFap, I suppose because other than this issue I am a fairly happy and confident person.

    So I was wondering if anyone can relate or has similar experience, and if so does it get better? Will I be able to return to a ‘norm’ and be able to pursue relationship opportunities that actually exist for me in my life?

    MrChingChing315 days

    Hey man, I know all kinds of fetishes out there and I escalated very quickly browsing some hardcore illegal stuff (No children but I mean, there’s hardcore stuff out there that is ‘illega’ in other countries but legal in some) anyway, I know it can feel very bad and it really is damaging to your sexuality.

    But just because your sexuality has been damaged doesn’t mean it can’t be healed. Mine has been healing more each and every day and honestly has helped me more than medication, friends, family, and even 10 years worth of therapy, staying off porn really makes a difference! You may feel it’s impossible, and I thought it was impossible to quit porn to the point of contemplating castration and suicide, but it is possible, and if your depression has been like mine or worse, there is still hope and don’t forget to remember that.

          I haven’t even been sure of my sexuality

    Here’s one thing I actually didn’t know that helped me out a bit there: People who view ‘transexual’ porn do it because of all the stimulation and even the producers admit that mostly it’s the straight audience for that kind of fetish, I thought I might’ve been bi/gay but that’s more of an optical/psychological illusion.

    BlackhawkU913 days

    Yes, right her buddy.. This is the reason why i’m giving up this thing in the first place. I started watching porn when i was 10 and escalated genres within months just like that. I started off normal to lesbian in first few months then right into anal until i was 14 years old i started foot fetish which escalated into femdom kind of foot fetish until january of 2012 when i found yourbrainonporn.com. This was horrible because i acted on the fetish twice in real life and had so many urges to act on them.

    Before i found the site i was asking myself why am i getting turned on by these weird things. Why is this happening and where is this solution? I couldn’t find a solution so i was extremely depressed and was lost.

    I can’t describe to you how hardcore this drug fucked me over man. On some days i would masturbate up to 6x a day to these genres. It brought me extreme anger problems. I would have no motivation to do anything. I barely knew what it was to look at a pretty girl and appreciate her.

    I’m really thankful now though because i have been able to conquer this addiction although i’ve relapsed countless times over these 2 years and it was like i was in hell. But the storm passed and it’s different now.

    Yes, you can conquer this and heal yourself. This is coming from someone who has been watching these genres for 8 YEARS since 10 years old…. I’m still not healed yet, i think my problem is that i need to become social and have a girlfriend of somehow so i can recover.

    Good luck and stay strong on this journey no matter where it takes you.

    Done_With_This_Crap

    It is possible to heal, but it takes longer than 7-8 days. The first step is realizing that you don’t need release after 8 days. So there is no reason to resort to PMO or Craigslist or fapping after a week. Any urge to do so if from your ‘porn brain.’

    In fact, the human body is an equilibrium machine. It will get used to a new equilibrium and things will slowly get easier, but in order to get there you’ll need to avoid porn for longer than a week.

    Additionally, whether you can engage in fapping while doing pornfree depends. For me, and my guess is many others as well, fapping will just lead back to full on PMO.

    knewlife

    Your fantasy life has crossed over into reality by meeting with men. Be very careful. I have always been head over heels for women – still am. However, after several years of heavy internet porn,

    I started watching BDSM videos (featuring women being used by both men AND women). I decided I was ready to meet a woman with a whip in real life. I got a strange feeling about the whole thing and backed out at the last minute. A while later I placed an ad seeking a dominatrix but got no responses. I posted again and re-posted. Then a guy responded. All he was interested in was administering a whip. That sounded okay so I reluctantly met up with him.

    Everything was going well for the first time and I decided to meet again a couple months later. While I was tied and bent over a foot rest, he sodomized me. Completely unprotected. I did not protest so there was never resistance on my part. But I did not enjoy the experience. I was left wondering how in the hell I got into that situation.

    If porn is my secret, this is a MAJOR one. I can’t believe I’m even writing this. The point is: It’s okay to experiment but just be safe. I have given up porn completely (one month so far) and do not really miss it. I did miss masturbating and have not given that up. If you can go a month or longer without being aroused online, you will be fine. Your luck with women will improve and you’ll reset yourself over the long run. It does get better… just give it a good effort

    completely_anon

    Dude i got into the same types of fetishes and started to question my sexuality too, my luck with women has been horrible for a few years and im hoping its due at least in part to this. but i make it a week and then i get worked up and loose it as well, but that is great progress for me and i have to remeber to not beat myself up cause that just leads to more relapse. i have to get back on this website and do exactly this stay connected to people going thru the same struggle. which is what im doing right now with a day, thank you fro this post its exactly what i needed to see coming back in and thanks for the replies guys helped me a whole lot today

    ItsJustNate

    I have a bondage porn problem, and I can relate to almost everything you said. Don’t let it get you down, there are a surprisingly large amount of people struggling with similar things.

    If you let the shame separate you from others you will just keep turning back to porn. Just know it’s not who you are but the way things happened to you. You are a normal amazing person, and this doesn’t define you.

    Now get off the porn! Fap weekly without porn if that helps, cause it definitely helps me!! Just think about how little you want the stuff, and how much less it is compared to real love.

    You can do it. Feel free to PM me, I am 23 and feel pretty similar to your situation

    stangamla

    Thankfully you’ve realised you have a problem in your teens – I’m in my late 40s and have been struggling with these issues most of my life and you don’t want to mess up your life the way I’ve messed up mine.

    Your experience with gay porn and gay relationships definitely strikes a chord – I’d say I was straight too, but I know I can get a “buzz” from these after I’ve made myself numb to straight activities. Guess it’s like moving onto heroin when grass doesn’t do it for you any more.

    No advice for you really – I’m taking the same path and I’m only on Day 11 – just wanted you to know you weren’t alone.

    kmprove

    I can identify completely. Our triggering fetish/fantasies aren’t exactly the same but have similar aspects. Mine are all cuckold/cheating fantasies about girls (including my wife) always really wanting guys who are much bigger and always vulnerable to cheat with them. So it’s similar in that it doesn’t just trigger sexual desires but also some level of submissiveness, and inferiority and humiliation (at least on mine).

    I feel like as long as I can stay away from those thoughts and images I can have a more ‘normal’ fantasy life that doesn’t impact my real life so much and isn’t a problem in the way that other fantasy has become. But I’m not sure yet as I’m finally making my first concerted effort to cut myself off from the fantasy. I hope it’s the case for both of us…

     

  116. i’m not addicted to ‘regular’ porn. i’m addicted to sick and dis

    i’m not addicted to ‘regular’ porn. i’m addicted to sick and disturbing stuff…

    (in my best english)

    i feel like a total loser, the last couple of years i tried to have sex but everytime i had serious ED issues. i did a reboot of 110 days before and i finally had succesfull with 3 girls and i was so happy! but because of bad self control i relapsed for 6 weeks straight…. not to porn but to sick visual stuff like shemale porn, farting girls, piss sex, rough beating sex and other disturbing stuff.

    I’m now in my second reboot and my ED is starting to get better again, i think it will take A LOT of time to get rid of these fetishes i dont even like!! feel like a total loser for watching/liking it but it’s crazy when i watch that kind of stuff my dopamine and libibo goes through the roof and i get raging boners. normal porn doesnt do that to me.

    I hope my taste will change to a more normal taste and i will never watch porn again because it’s fucks up everything for me.
    greets.

     

  117. I’ve seen all the porn on the internet essentially, so I might

    And my porn collection did change. I began alphabetizing it when I had around 100 videos or so. Daphne Rosen 1. Daphne Rosen 2. Isis Love 10, Isis Love 11, etc. In the beginning it was just porn stars, and a number for the scene. But as the years slipped by, and the collection grew, I started categorizing it as well, because gonzo simply wouldn’t do it anymore. I added a collection for soft core first. Tawnee Stone, Jordan Capri, etc. The girls that I liked when I was 18-19 were interesting again. And then they weren’t. So I added a collection for new soft core. Then Hentai. Then Dancers. Then KINK / BDMS. Then spanking / caning. Then Futa / Shemales. Then finally recently, although I never added a collection for it, I actually looked at gay porn. Not because I found it arousing; I don’t. I’m not attracted to men. I looked at it because I was bored. It was like, here I am, 28, and I’ve seen all the porn on the internet essentially, so I might as well look at gay porn.

    I think that was the moment the seed was planted in my brain that said to me ‘this is seriously fucked, you need to stop this’. Of course I didn’t then, but I did tonight. Why? I don’t know.

    I just deleted my entire 500 GB porn collection.

  118. eventually escalted to extreme fetish porn

    I first realized I had a problem with porn and compulsive masturbation about two years ago (age 19), when I realized that I couldn’t perform sexually with the girl I was dating at the time. Even though she was attractive, I had to fantasize about porn, but even that wasn’t a guarantee. Around this time my porn use tended to gravitate towards more and more extreme types of porn, moving from ‘regular’ porn to BDSM porn and finally to gay/transsexual porn.

    For the last two years I masturbated almost exclusively to extreme porn, and even occasionally gay porn. I masturbated compulsively, from a minimum of 2 times a day up to 5 or 6 times a day. Long story short, I had a really big problem.

    I found myself attracted to women mentally but physically my body did not respond to what I had found most arousing my entire life. This ended up being a source of extreme confusion and angst for me – was I actually gay? Why was I mentally attracted to women but unable to respond to anything but transsexual and gay porn?

    I felt drained constantly and had no interest in socializing or hanging out with friends. I had difficulty maintaining eye contact with people throughout my daily life, and I experienced a deep sense of shame that I couldn’t explain. Deep down inside I knew that something had changed in the last few years of my life, but I didn’t know what (hint: I do now). It was like the life force had been sucked out of me.

    Out of curiosity I decided to try nofap during the Summer. I wasn’t totally convinced that it would work, but I figured that given the vast amount of positive anecdotes it was worth a shot, and I wouldn’t lose much if it didn’t do anything. First I did 3 days, then 7, then 14, then 30, and finally 60, and let me tell you – what a huge difference nofap has made in my life. Now, at this point I should clarify: I don’t think I’m all the way through the reboot process, and I might be a long ways away from a “full” reboot. But I am experiencing some huge changes in my life.

    I’m more confident in social situations. I no longer experience an inexplicable shame when interacting with people. I maintain eye contact and speak (most of the time) with confidence. I trust myself and know that I am a being with worth and value and strength, and other people see it too. More women make eye contact with me, and an unprecedented number of them often smile at me as I pass by.

    I have more focus, my memory is better, and I am experiencing stronger emotions as well. However, I seem to be experiencing greater instability in terms of my mood. Things are usually pretty good but sometimes I go through cycles where I am lethargic, depressed, and drained for a few days and then I return to normal. But I always come back from these cycles feeling better than I did before.

    Still, though I am now experiencing regular morning wood and the occasional random boner, I still can’t just look at an attractive woman and reach that level of arousal. But I’m getting there. People I would have found only “objectively” attractive are now significantly attractive, and I am appreciating and noticing different things on women. Furthermore, I no longer view women as a piece of meat or a sex object (maybe one of the biggest benefits in my book).

    Sixty days makes a big difference.

    by blehhhhhh_hh

  119. Anyone have experience with nofap after getting into disturbing
    Anyone have experience with nofap after getting into disturbing fetishes?

    I’ve been fapping to furry porn and hentai since I was about 15 (12 years ago), and if you know anything about those areas of the internet, they are both extremely escalationist fetish pits (they are always pushing the boundaries of what can be erotic). As weird as jerking it to a [spoiler]hermaphroditic cat taur with 18 tits and a penis the size of my leg[/spoiler], I don’t really see any problem with it other than it possibly interfering with my ability to have a relationship with a real person. That is, until I got into vore.

    For those who don’t know, vore is a fetish where people eat each other, usually in a very cartoony way (jam entire person whole down their throat, thankfully I never graduated to hard vore, which depicts blood and gore during the eating process), to varying ends (usually digesting/absorbing them and getting fat). It’s more or less fapping to a murder fantasy, and the fact that this gets me off is INCREDIBLY disturbing to me, and is the primary reason why I’m starting nofap.

    imredjohn

    Before I started this I was into deviant shit too, peeing, cumswap, fake raping, shemale. I felt pretty guilty after fapping. Now I think all that is disgusting and I can’t believe I was into that kind of stuff.

    WinRommel

    I was into the same kind of shit (still am probably), but I’ve been pornfree for over 70 days and the images rarely pop into head anymore. I think it will take a while before they completely disappear though.

    fnordsnord

    Like many people, I’ve developed fetishes that are contrary to my normal orientation. I started with lesbian porn and graduated to more and more deviant visuals, including shemale and homosexual porn. (I suppose I should throw at the disclaimer that homosexuality is deviant to ME, I’ve self-identified as straight all my life. YMMV and I’ve got nothing against the gay bros out there who are trying nofap.)

    Cross dressing and sissy porn had also started showing up. I just kept getting farther and farther afield looking for novelty.

    Steelcrate

    Thankfully for me, the others effects of porn made me stop long before reaching such disgusting stuff.

    But I still got to the point were it was becoming degrading to enjoy the videos/pictures, and it started getting more and more ethically questionable (if I’d have continued, I’d have cross the line).

    Keep in mind that despite what people says, the fact that you “enjoyed” those videos of murder isn’t so because you have a predisposition or anything. It is simply an escalation of the addiction process. You need more and more stimulating thing to get the same arousal as you used to when watching softer porn.

    I had several fetish too, but I am now disgusted by most things, at least consciously. The thing is, I’m not sure if all of those porn-induced fetish have worn off.

    But I came to the point of being addicted to pornography for a reason. And so, I’ve found the reason why, and I am now doing things to help me overcome these reason.

    A porn addiction may give you symptoms, but being addicted to porn is in fact a symptom to something else. I used to be really dependent on women approval, and it’s one of the thing that may have caused this.

    I can’t tell you for sure how long does it take to have the interest go away, but I’m aiming for 1 year of NoFap to make sure I while totally reboot. I might eventually fap in the future, but I will NOT use porn (nor fantasies) ever again. These shit are slowly destroying everyone.

    AerialFreedom

    I eventually became obsessed with shemale stuff, then out of nowhere it occurred to me that I could wear women clothes. Then the fantasy of being a shemale began, hard. Began crossdressing and such. Drive to talk to girls went down completely. It got so bad that it turned into “eff it I can’t have a girl I like, I’ll be a girl I like”. Then there’s all these communities that tell you that its ok to cross dress and ok to want to be a woman so I almost gave in to that as well. Want to say that there’s nothing wrong with these communities or anyone supporting them, just that I knew that it wasn’t me. But with PMO every day I was spiraling down depression and it got pretty bad. Staring NoFap has dismissed the depression completely, my desire to be with girls have gone up ridiculously high and when I’m not “excited” I feel like a man and it feels great and awesome, carrying conversation with girls, flirting with them have never been this easy. Then when I get turned on, I so want to do the dressing again and fantasize about being a woman. It’s gotten way easier over time, but I hope NoFap and rebooting helps me get rid of these desires for good.

    I wonder if anyone else here has the same situation?

    BeastSlayer

    155 days and the only porn I think about is hentai. (I try not to think about it of course, but when demons try to come back, it’s always hentai) Hentai is the worst, those ahegaos are haunting me to this day. It get’s better, I don’t think about those hardcore fetishes anymore, but those faces are still there.

    Ak_Float_Flyer

    Most of us, I’d bet. Self, included. For me it was stuff that does not agree with my real-life sexual orientation or temperament.

    I have gotten into the practice of thinking about how disgusting each problematic fantasy is as it arises. Practicing ‘aversion’. It really does help. Since your creatures do not exist, try mentally killing them. Cleave that cat taur in half with a mental broadsword next time it shows up. Slay your demons in your mind, where they live!

    lifeisscam

     went from watching teenagers/young lesbians to grannies,incest,shemales,gay and beastiality as my last station What i did to lower interest in those fetishes especially beastiality – I imagined myself vomiting and in the process i nearly puked few times while watching good looking girl ***** dogs **** in the end it worked wonders after about week now even when i relapse its to young females with big boobs or young milfs

    Ponfarrfap

    I’m 43 and I’ve always had the femdom fantasies to some degree. What I didn’t always have were the forced sissy cuckold fantasies until I saw it on the internet. I’d been doing ok on that, but relapsed last night. Not to porn, thankfully, that’s been over three weeks, but I was just trying to MO with sensation and couldn’t get hard. Tried to think about regular sex with a really hot chick and could not get hard. So I thought about forced sissy and bingo, erection and MO. This really, really sucks.

    MuhNugga

     I developed some disturbing fetishes when I was masturbating. Some are Scat (girls shitting and peeing), rape fetishes, cuckold fetish (which I find…It’s just awful. Just.Awful.), and I masturbated twice, wearing my sisters underwear. It’s always in the back of the head, sitting, waiting for me to fall back into it. It’s of course WAY more suppressed now that I try and completely abstain pornography.

    McLauritsen

    I feel your pain. Due to some teenage experiences and what not (read some of my posts if you wish to know more) I had a cuckold fetish. I see a lot of other commenters also being into sissy hypno and the like. Basically it was tearing me apart that the thought of seeing my special someone cheating was getting me off.

    Last Friday I relapsed 4 times to cuckold porn again but now, 7 days later, I don’t feel any particular inclination towards it anymore.

    So yes, it does go away. Just give your brain some time to heal. Don’t pick at your scabs.

    Inspired_Buddha

    Man, i hope you do not get into ‘unhealthy’ patters of even more disturbing porn. I noticed myself moving from BDSM to eventually shemales and sissy porn. And trust me, it is really fucked up. It fucks your confidence and your gender identity. It plays havoc with not only your social well being but completely demotivates you from achieving something in school/career. I have been on nofap for 10 days, and am still trying to curb my desires. I do believe even if it cures you, it will never cure you 100 percent. Just do not start watching more disturbing porn. Period.

    Docderp

    Upvoted and commented for visibility. At my worst, I would fap to forced transgenderal and sissy animated porn and similarly extreme Hentai.

    I did nofap for 2 months and I rebooted, but then I relapsed pretty hard. Thing is, I didn’t go back to TG animated. I went into straight porn and then captioned sissy porn with real images.

    I suspect that since I didn’t instinctively go back to old fetishes, it means that my brain really had healed. But I just fucked it up again.

  120. With regards to shemales, its true that only straight or bi men

    Re: The neurological reason for why straight me are aroused by erect penises

    Good video, it just confirms a lot of what i’ve experienced with other mens reaction around penises especially when its erect.

    Personally i’ve always found them a turn on but never met a guy who I’d want to kiss, so i’ve always been comfortable with it as a fetish and never really worried about been gay.

    With regards to shemales, its true that only straight or bi men go for them and many usually find that the fantasy is better than the reality because they never expect that this beautiful women will actually feel to the touch (strong and hard body) and they will smell like a man.

  121. My Taste in porn is getting Crazy…(Srs Discussion)

    LINK – My Taste in porn is getting Crazy…(Srs Discussion)

    I dont believe in No Fap. Fapping has pretty much helped me avoid some ****ty situations with women. Cant say how many times I ALMOST banged a girl knowing the moment I came i’d hate being present.

    With that being said I noticed my taste in pron is getting weird. Used to have a set of few simple videos of Lisa ann that would get me going. Now I enjoy watching gangbangs, the blackmail stuff even though I know its fake. I enjoy the shaming, hell I even watched a bit of the anime **** and it wasn ttoo bad

    It takes me soo long to cum now, I gotta wank off for a good 3-4 mins.. Should I be worried? I enjoyed an Ava Devine gangbang… The one in the van.

    Do you know htis feel?

    rjw99

    you’re desensitising yourself to porn so to get that ‘fix’ it needs to be more and more shocking or politically incorrect.

    might be worth stepping back from porn for a bit brah, or soon you’ll be watching some girl get banged by a donkey while giving a bj.

    kiwiburger93

    o lawd, this thread hit me in the feels. fml at least im not too much of a deviant, i know some ppl who have watched tranny pronz

    JokerbraH

    dat feel my taste in porn as gotten crazier and crazier over the past years currently in a bdsm phase. I think I am going to start no porn though ****s not good

    Brahsohard

    I was into midget porn for a few weeks. Not two midgets but for example a broadcaster fuking the chit out of a tiny woman who was an adult.

    rocketsfanumad

    lol i know that feel op. I only get off to bukkake and weird japanese chit now, simple porno just doesn’t cut it for me anymore nawmean

    Sullivan0930

    Can only fap to scenes involving school. _____.com goat

    p0werlifter

    I have to watch some pretty fukked up things in order to even get hard.

    Kurnuk

    I bet this will lead into a lot of problems in a few years. So many of our generation are getting screwed up by porn right now.

    curtstyle24

    I know these feels op. ****s gettin crazy out there. stay safe

    RoryFan

    I watched a BDSM video yesterday with a woman being tied up in the middle of a busy public high street, stripped naked, slapped about, made to drink water out of a dog bowl, then ****ed by a bunch of random guys in a park until they came on her face, then she was paraded around the local shops half naked with cum on her face.

    mrcarlpedal

    I know what youre talking about, not as bad as yours tho.

    I tried no fap for a while, after 2 weeks i could jack off with just mind power. After that i could just use bikiini pics. I would get a boner if a girl bend over to pick up a pen in school. I was an animal, srs.

    SlappahoTribe

    I go through phases every few weeks. Sometimes I’ll fap to FFM pr0n…
    Sometimes it’s HJ only. Sometimes ATM, sometimes euro…
    NEVER and I say NEVER *** or BBW, or BB ANYTHING!!! That ruins it for me. It’s like trying to pull on a rubber band vs an iron rod!

    Siaa

    Has anyone fapped to nonstop gay porn for a month to make sure they didn’t like it?

    Just to make sure you weren’t gay and that you didn’t enjoy it.

    I decided to watch gay porn for about a month. Every day at least 2 times, and I would force myself to fap to it. After ejaculation I would ask myself a series of questions about whether or not I liked it and analyze my feelings afterward. There was one point where I almost liked it, but in the end I think that was just because the guy looked really feminine. After that month I started watching regular porn and lesbian porn but I wasn’t very moved by it in my spirit. I studied some charts and diagrams and made some questions on yahoo answers looking for the answer to satisfy my needs. Now I bang gazelles on a regular basis.

    CheesasarusFlex

    orgy porn 5ever

    RimmyJustlerr

    I’ve been on a _____ kick and this girl is an absolute SLUTTT, Also those extreme brutal throat ****s and slapping a bitch around I sometimes feel guilty about it too. Also those gangbangs and *** in tiny white teen sluts..hnnng

    paolo234

    found myself looking up 3d chit, and public disgrace to get myself off. did no porn for 2 months, but still fapped

    the balance was restored back into the universe.

    BeansnToast

    This is the stuff that leads to development of HOCD. Seriously, I’d stop with the porn.

    brent89

    This is a problem everyone has. You a kid looking at bra ads in the paper, than it moves to naked chicks on the internet, than they getting rammed, than crazier and crazier. Eventually it will lead you to becoming pedophile or some sort of sick freak. That is why you gotta bang an actual chick. I’m pretty sure if hookers were legal everywhere it would stop so many sexual crimes.

    Hardcore_D00d

    im pretty much desensitized to regular porn. i gotta watch some crazy stuff to get hard now

    rugbybosher

    LOL OP your taste is still tame, until you are watching chit porn getting off to actual violence(not _____ etc, real violence) and gay prons and other chit, you havent crossed the line.
    My line is _______, If I start cumming to women being abused then I know I have a problem, until then its funny to watch morons go through all the stages of regret on camera.

    johnkg178

    I’ve fapped to shemale videos, granny videos, gay videos…I even looked for lolita videos on deep web, but it was just too sickening

    BetaBetch

    i feel you op, i was freaky pervert too.. i tried no fap, it was pretty OK, but no porn will really help you
    sometimes it’s just nice though seeing weird pron fantasies

    Fsharpasharp

    lol i made intentional efforts to fap to fukd up porn in the past

    srs name any weird **** ive fapped to it

    shiit? yep
    piss? yep
    vomiting lesbians? yep
    eye and nose licking lesbians? yep

    think i fapped to just about everything so now i only fap to dancing girl lollll srs

    iLiketoLift898

    Word OP. I can only fap to incest scat porn now and it’s making my life miserable, the worst is when it transcends into real life, like when I can’t resist fapping to the sounds of my mom on the can while she suffers from diarrhea after eating some bad chicken…I don’t wan’t to fap, I even hate myself for it, but the sounds and smells drive me crazy, it consumes me…

    Tweedurr

    I jacked it to mature granny creampie and fisting porn the other day. I usually just look up weird porn that you would never see just cause I’m a curious bear like that.

    Variety is the spice of life. <3

    Adimi24

    Same op, i’m kinda scared, i’ve been going to too many ‘fetish’ prons with bondage and other weird whiz, but it’s the only stuff that get’s me going now. No pron might be a good idea

    gharlow

    I can’t get into the weird stuff.

    Been fapping to barely legal for 15 years, never gets old.

    johnkg178

    I mean, I’m very secure in my heterosexuality, so I can look on gay and shemale porn videos because I know I won’t phuck a dude in real life. But I think my limit is when it gets illegal. I’ve seen a video of a little girl sucking on a guy’s dick and taking it up the arse, and it’s really creepy and disturbing,

    aKnowledge

    Used to think DP was disgusting…

    Now its the only thing I watch…

    dhimaan997

    still get turned on by____ although it does take me longer to get excited and come

    KingChiefKeef

    i feel u
    i used to like norm porn
    now i need to watch interracial gangbangs

    TellitAgain

    i like pee

    DJake

    Yeah I gotta say I’ll go to __ and pick out some pretty crazy categories to watch. You know it’s not normal when you have to clear your browser history to hide from yourself.

    .hatches.

    Come and talk to me when it leads to shemale porn

    TurdMuffin

    i’ve never been into that far out stuff. gangbagngs, bondage, feces/urine… no thanks jeffe that makes me lose my bonar

    Flexish

    This thread makes me sad but there is a lot of truth to the effects of pornography on the brain, sexuality and even relationships and realistic expectations…take a step back from it.

    AlexisRay

    Yesterday I was browsing a site searching for some BJ videos then a pop-up came up….. usually I close them in 2 sec but someting get my curiosity…..I clicked the link…..

    It was all porn with little girls, scrolling down you can see the thumbnails , 8 years old girls or even less getting ****ed/gangbangs/anal/BJ/every chit possible…

    I was literally in shock to know there are really such videos, real little girls not even with tits because they are so young and they are still childs …

    After this I closed everything, literally everything, since yesterday im not touching any porn site because my mind is full of phuck right now and I can’t believe what I just saw…..

    Sapporo

    Only fapped to tranny porn for the last 3 weeks crew.

    doughnutking

    Op it is my prediction that you will be into tranny gangbangs and trannys making teen girls eat chit by next summer. Me? Well i am well past that chit, i am presently in the Mexican midget stage of porn watching. One Mexican midget being spit roasted by at least two broadcasters and then pounded by a fuarking machine with a dildo thicker than my forearm is where i am at, at the very least.

    Only last week i fapped to a fight between a black and a white midget, midget race war sex.Who will win the black or the white midget bish? Loser gets the strap on.

    I keep thinking that if i get a midget girlfriend then life would be complete for me. You know all guys talk about wishing they had a broadcaster to make da girls squeal, but all you need is a 7 incher and a good looking latina midget.

    perrierAX

    I heard a while back that the people that have been caught watching child porn were not always into that sort of thing, many of them were sort of dragged into it. As has been said in this thread, guys end up needing more extreme stuff to generate the same amount of excitement. It is a slippery slope, you never know where it might lead. I think anyone with sense can stand back and realise that. Some guys aren’t as stable as others, very easy for some people to get carried away.

    PepperedAngus

    literally nothing I see two naked people doing shocks me anymore.

     

  122. Will I eventually lose interest in ‘extreme’ porn?
    Will I eventually lose interest in ‘extreme’ porn?

    Due to my addiction, over time I began watching more and more extreme/weirder porn in order to give my brain that bigger dopamine rush, which has eventually lead me to a point where I was watching porn / turned on by porn that I don’t want to be turned on by, I don’t want to have these twisted fantasies, I just want regular fantasies and desires.

    I’m just sorta worried that I’m stuck with this for life http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/node/1605/editnow, I’m hoping that it’s just a phase and after a few months without looking at it I will no longer be interested in that type of porn.

    But when I relapse I go straight back to that messed up fetish porn.

    So for guys who have been porn and fap free for a few months, do you still find yourself aroused/intrigued/obsessed with the strange fetish porn that you used to fap to? or do you now desire/crave/fantasize about ‘regular’ sexual things?

    dying_to_be_vain

    The answer (in my experience) is yes, and no. I’ve had some good streaks over the last few months, and I definitely had less fantasies about my extreme tastes, and the few times I did look at porn, I noticed I had de-escalated back to porn I used to use years ago. However, I’ve been struggling recently, and some of those fantasies and urges have come back. So, as far as I can tell, you and I have already forged the pathways in our brain that crave the extreme, and we will likely always have them, but as long as we are vigilant and don’t continue to feed those pathways, they should be come weaker and weaker with time.

    TL;DR: Yes, if you can stop using the “extreme” porn for good.

    Ka-Kui

    I don’t know if I can help you, but I’m porn free for 120+ days. And there’s something that I used to watch (femdom related) that I don’t even remember, like I didn’t even have those porn flashbacks that sometimes pops on our minds, you know? This particular stuff don’t menas nothing for me now. But I know that I have to stay away from porn at all costs. Don’t let my guard down.

    I think the same will happen to you. I don’t know if you use a porn blocker, that is useful for me. Maybe you can give it a try.

    Stay strong!

    Sheehan7

    I had this exact problem but after around week 3 it has stopped for me (knock on wood…no pun intended)

    ivanstan

    Same here, I was obsessed with lesbian domination, strapon sex, and other fetish stuff that make unrealistic view of sexual fulfilment. Eventually those fetishes got reduced to my primary one which is feet and I’m ok with that. I recommend you to try this hypnosis: http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/sexual-problems/sexual-fetish

    5th day of noFap was a “relapse day” for me, but that can vary. I wish you luck.

    frozenegineer

    I am slowly starting to forget the names of porn stars I liked. I use to search their names every day but now I don’t want them I want to talk to real girls.

    So yes but its slow.

    blehhhhhh_hh

    Like other people, the answer for me is yes and no. I used to be into some very extreme stuff. For about 2 years I masturbated exclusively to tranny/shemale porn and pretty much nothing else. While my natural libido, sensitivity (physical and emotional) and emotional health are rapidly returning at this point, the pathways which were excited by the extreme porn I watched still exist. I now find normal, regular women to be very exciting and stimulating, but at the same I still have flashbacks to porn I used to watch, and a bit of a dopamine rush. I don’t want to have sex with a tranny or watch the porn, but the dopamine pathways still exist. I do what I can to control it, and I’m getting very good at clearing my mind/centering myself after one of these flashbacks, but they still occur every now and then. It’s just a part of recovery. Think about a recovered coke addict: they don’t want to do coke, but their brain probably still lights up when they see cocaine. Same kind of deal here. Don’t be too hard on yourself, especially since you’re at 30 days (for me, the biggest changes come between 60-90 days).

    Also: I firmly believe that for people such as ourselves, hard mode for 90 days is the only way to beat this. No porn, no sex, no nothing. Trust me.

    Thump69

    Provided you keep up the good work, you will eventually lose interest in ANY kind of porn.

    hithrhowareyou

    I’ve had long periods of nofap, and I can tell you that if you keep not looking then you’ll “reset” your brain and not have the same interests anymore. But if you start going back into bad habits then you’ll fall back into that thing you’re stuck on.

    The number one thing to do is to go hardmode, stick with real life stuff. Stay away from the computer if you can’t stay away from porn. And try to be around other people, that really helps.

    Kektklik

    streak so far: 13 days.

    Never really watched porn, but I did look at some mighty weird hentai-manga. My interest towards it is mostly gone.. early this morning, just had my first random craving for one of the first “weird ones” I read, but I feel like if I looked, then I would be turned off.

    big breasts (D cups and larger) no longer interest me. A, B, and some C still do though… Which is a lot more accurate to how I used to be when I was only a “once a week” user.

    eahcimyrrah

    I used to watch all kinds of weird hentai, extreme crap, trannies…even two girls one cup didn’t phase me. none of the shock videos created a reaction in me. I was desensitized.

    Don’t worry nostaws. After being on NoFap since last January, with two 100+ day streaks, one 51 day streak, and another 46 day streak, I am disgusted with what I used to watch. Even if I were to relapse, I would never consider going back to that extreme stuff. You’ll resensitize. It just takes time…be patient and stay clean no matter what dude

    Shiranaru

    For me, most of the bizzare ones have faded, but I think some of them are innate.

    the_lonely_monk

    I haven’t spontaneously thought or fantasized about any of that stuff in a while. But I did recently encounter some triggering material on accident (just verbal descriptions), and I could feel the beast raising its sleepy head and looking around a bit. But it didn’t actually stand up.

    I think you will always have the potential to get trapped back in it. You cannot, unfortunately, unsee what has been seen. However, you can definitely get to the point where you do not actively crave it, and even to the point where accidentally seeing it wouldn’t pull you back in. But it would always be possible in a reckless moment for you to throw in the towel and let yourself totally wallow in it again.

    SolitaryPath

    I’ve read about a guy in January/February who claimed he no longer has pedophile thoughts and he was quite obsessed with it.

    You’ll be fine. Soon you will have those regular fantasies and desires

    F92

    In time it will go away, but don’t expect for it to be gone over night

    MyPetPickle

    From what I’ve read it seems like it could take a long time for those neural pathways to completely heal. Longer than the 90 day challenge it being such an extreme dopamine reward system basically means it created a much more extreme divot it your brain. It seems like it does happen over time though. The divot you’ve created has only just begun the process of being patched up, like a shovel full of dirt into a canyon. The important thing is that you’ve picked up the shovel, and realized this is a canyon you HAVE to fill in to get across there’s no way around, and no bridge strong enough. Eventually you’ll be using bulldozers to fill it in.

    imstartingover

    Yeah, I think losing interest in extreme porn can in part be a result of not fapping. But i think it’s also a result of interacting and talking to girls day to day and you come to realize they’re people too not just pieces of meat. Then you become more aroused by quote-un-quote “real girls” and appreciate the individual charm of different girls.

    I’m pretty sure neuroplasticity of the brain is a psychological / scientific fact. Just like you weren’t born with this addiction, but developed it. Likewise you can get rid of it, it just takes hard work and dedication.

    donefapping20

    It will go away. Get yourself a girl , have sex and you won’t even think about that shit. Honestly if you have sex you won’t wanna even masturbate or look at porn. At least I don’t. I’m on muly longest no p/m streak ever and its only 15 days. No more fetishes for me. But I guess some people are just deeper in. Even though I did have many extreme fantasies involving fetishes , every time I watched an extreme video I would always turn it off before I finished. I was too disgusted with myself lol

    fapstronaut0

    I’m here since July 2012. The first time I’ve been turned by fetishes that are incompatible with my sexual orientation has been in April 2012 (these were ___________________ with instructions, don’t search for them). To this day I still struggle with these fetishes.

    During my first year, I’ve noticed one thing: the longer I don’t fap, the more I think of this gay porn. You may already have lived this: Your last relapse was three days ago, you are pretty clear with yourself, maybe a little aroused here and there; now your last relapse was 4 weeks ago, and you constantly think of the weirdest porn that has ever aroused you.

    I’ve changed my way of nofap for the last two months. Now, when I catch myself thinking of gay porn, shemale porn, futanari or every weird stuff imaginable, I try to get me off as soon as possible with what I consider healthy porn (during october it was lesbian, now it’s simply gonewild).

    Now let’s focus on my night of yesterday. I was thinking: “Well, I’ve never ever seen interracial gay gangbang porn, what does it look like?”. Normally I would have shrugged it off immediately. But the lusty state of mind I was in led me to go see that type of porn. Then, during my binge of yesterday night, I’ve progressively turned to shemale porn, _____________, and eventually back to /d/, my darkest fetish.

    Believe it or not, but in my ultimate state of lust of yesterday night, I’ve found out of nowhere that these weird porn that was arousing me only seconds ago, didn’t arouse me anymore like it did several months ago. I’ve closed my computer and went straight to the bathroom to evacuate my lust by getting off to gonewild, which I consider healthy porn. And even right after the orgasm, I’ve felt victorious.

    Conclusion: Don’t go cold turkey, it’s too tough for anybody. When you think of watching weird porn, PMO to healthy porn.

    Steelcrate

    Make sure you stop ALL fantasies for a while too (stopping them forever is what I would recommend).

    I recommend you to find what you are trying to medicate by using porn, take care of it, and notice how you feel before relapsing, then avoid feeling like that or push yourself to go outside to run, to do something else…

    You could also try cold showers.

    Make sure you fully understand the real problem with PMO : Your brain is conditioned and stopping completely for 90 days is the first step toward recovery. Make sure you won’t get tempted, so stop watching movies, series with sex scene, erotic scene or allusions to what make you relapse.

    I’ve stopped for a while now, but I’m not sure if I really lost the fetish and other kind of shit I developed. When I think about some of them, I am disgusted, but I’m not sure if I am disgusted unconsciously too. I mean, I could be faking the feeling of disgust, but I’m not sure. I’m stopping for a whole year, then I’ll reintroduce simple MB for specific reason and then I’ll end it forever.

    We’ll see what works.

    thewied

    From my experience, porn will gradually lose it’s erotic effect. for example: I was re-watching Game of Thrones last week, and there are a great deal of scenes featuring naked women. During those scenes, I was never turned-on and never felt the need to fap. All I thought about was the story was suddenly interrupted by a naked woman. The urge to fap is like a conditioned fear: once you learn to control your emotions regarding it, it can no longer control you.

  123. My thoughts about porn and sexual orientation

    I was wondering why since I started watching porn I have tended to be more and more bi, on the gay end of the spectrum. And today something occured to me.

    Now, I always had bi tendencies; I believe in any person sexuality is actually fluid, I know its not P.C to say so but I think gays aren’t born gay, heteros aren’t born hetero and everyone is born bi.

    I may not be that into men. Porn (witingly or unwittingly) has been advertising male genitalia to me. Think about it, in the marketing industry it is common to associate a pretty girl to whatever you are trying to sell.

    Anyway, I believe that porn is pushing (NOT turning) men towards the gay side.

    Thoughts?

    My thoughts about porn and sexual orientation. (self.pornfree)

    by mister_zd

  124. I was massively into tranny porn but can’t say I’ve ever thought

    I was massively into tranny porn but can’t say I’ve ever thought about HOCD, I’m not even sure what it is to be honest. I presume it’s when you fear being gay because you’re attracted to tranny cock?

    I can admit I looked at gay porn the odd time when it was scattered among the tranny galleries but I never really found it to do anything for me in terms of becoming addicted to it or having irrational thoughts about it, although there was one scene I saw which actually got me hard and I did MO to it. I never thought anything of it afterwards though, just carried on looking at tranny porn!

    I have no fear that I might be gay, I’m not, I just think what the fuck was I doing?!

    Re: HOCD ( or any other OCD’s) : whats your story ? share..open up etc..

  125. Taste in women changed after years of porn use

    Has anyone else experienced permanent effects of porn? For me i’ve realized that porn was directly linked to the race of women i found attractive. When i was very young i liked women of all races and it showed in my porn use, around grade 7 I started to really find black women attractive and for about 8-10 years i dated strictly black girls and watch porn involving only black women. I just didn’t find any other race physically attractive anymore, weird i know right?

    3 years ago, my tastes changed again to asian women and it also reflected again in my porn use, now i only date asian women. The point i am trying to make is that I believe due to my excessive…and i mean excessive lol porn use my brain needed a new novelty and instead of getting more extreme, it simply changed races. I’ve attempted multiple reboots and usually get to 60-80 days and my tastes don’t revert to my younger days. What do you think, is this a permanent change or is that just my personality and in no way related to porn?

    Taste in women changed after years of porn use

  126. PMO re-wired my brain and morphed my sexual desires

    PMO re-wired my brain and morphed my sexual desires

    I’m a 22 year old man. I have been PMO daily for about 12 years. I started around the age of 11, with the discovery of the internet, watching videos of girls with big asses. That is all I can really remember, and I don’t know when things started changing. The porn I watched gradually changed, and I started viewing videos of larger women. Around the age of 18 it had gotten to where I was viewing videos of very fat women, over 300 lbs. I had a few girlfriends in high school, and they were all fairly thin, but yet I was stilling viewing this type of porn almost daily.

    I have only recently become aware on how extreme the content i was viewing had become. For the past two years I have been watching content of girls eating food, and gaining huge amounts of weight, and having sex. (There is a massive sub-culture for this type of stuff on the web) It has gotten to the point where this is the only thing that can get me off. I am in my second year of college, I am in really good physical shape and girls will talk to me daily, but I always sabotage the relationship where they try to get close. I feel that I’m ruining these relationships before they start because I have become so reliant and hooked on this porn, that anything else just won’t do, that is what my perspective of sex has morphed into. This addiction is seriously messing with my dating and sexual life. The times where I do take a girl home, I cant even get an erection, because I’ve become so conditioned to this type of porn.

    I have attempted NoFap 4 months ago, and I made it one month of my three month goal. I will not let this addiction ruin the rest of my life and continue to destroy my sexuality and my ability to date be intimidate with women. The last time I attempted this journey I did not post on this forum, but I know this time it needs to be different. I need to express what I’ve been keeping hidden all this time, something I’ve never done. Thank you if you took the time to read this, and I wish the most on your journey as well.

  127. PMO re-wired my brain and morphed my sexual desires

    PMO re-wired my brain and morphed my sexual desires

    I’m a 22 year old man. I have been PMO daily for about 12 years. I started around the age of 11, with the discovery of the internet, watching videos of girls with big asses. That is all I can really remember, and I don’t know when things started changing. The porn I watched gradually changed, and I started viewing videos of larger women. Around the age of 18 it had gotten to where I was viewing videos of very fat women, over 300 lbs. I had a few girlfriends in high school, and they were all fairly thin, but yet I was stilling viewing this type of porn almost daily.

    I have only recently become aware on how extreme the content i was viewing had become. For the past two years I have been watching content of girls eating food, and gaining huge amounts of weight, and having sex. (There is a massive sub-culture for this type of stuff on the web) It has gotten to the point where this is the only thing that can get me off. I am in my second year of college, I am in really good physical shape and girls will talk to me daily, but I always sabotage the relationship where they try to get close. I feel that I’m ruining these relationships before they start because I have become so reliant and hooked on this porn, that anything else just won’t do, that is what my perspective of sex has morphed into. This addiction is seriously messing with my dating and sexual life. The times where I do take a girl home, I cant even get an erection, because I’ve become so conditioned to this type of porn.

    I have attempted NoFap 4 months ago, and I made it one month of my three month goal. I will not let this addiction ruin the rest of my life and continue to destroy my sexuality and my ability to date be intimidate with women. The last time I attempted this journey I did not post on this forum, but I know this time it needs to be different. I need to express what I’ve been keeping hidden all this time, something I’ve never done. Thank you if you took the time to read this, and I wish the most on your journey as well.

  128. Found TS Porn on age 18

    Well, I would like to tell my sad story. I’m a 25 year old handsome guy, who has never had sex with a girl.

    When I was 18 I was really focused on sports and studying, and I loved porn, playboy TV, Lesbians and what so ever, in my mind I wasjust waiting to get away to college and start getting real girls. But, while in college, I had girls, but wasn’t confident enough to get to them or I would make the mistakes a kid makes when he is learning how to get girls, but I didn’t even care, I had porn. My desires escalated, and I found internet porn, I would consume lesbian porn like an addict, open thousands of pages on my computer, and masturbate, delaying the dew point as much as I could, just thinking I would find something even better, and after hours there masturbating to this girls kissing each other, boom, my reward. I would do that a lot. Like the whole night.

    One day I saw something different a girl with a penis, incredible breasts, amazing body, it triggered me, it was attractful. I started watching that, more and more, and it was getting me crazy, I didn’t care if it was a man in a girl form, in my mind it was a girl.
    Yes, I found transsexual porn. I slowly started to forget about lesbians, and even though I was interested in some girls I was afraid of rejection, so I wouldn’t try shit, because I had TS porn. In my mind the day I got a girlfriend I would forget about TS porn, but no.

    When I was 20 I met my first girl, I developed the most amazing game to get her, and for the first time it worked. She was perfect, hot, lovely, and wanted sex with me so bad, like the kind of girl all men want. I never got to have sex with her, I would kiss her get a hard on, but afraid of her knowing I was a virgin so I wouldn’t go further, I vanished from her life, I couldn’t stand the pressure of her wanting sex with me, and me not being able to do things right, the I’ll go to porn. She started even thinking I was gay, but never liked men in my whole life.

    After that I started to deal more and more with “shemale” porn, I would masturbate 4 times a night, and then I had to do something about it. One day I went after a Transsexual escort, have to say she had a hot body, breasts, just like on the videos. We started making out, when she took her panties out, it was weird seeing a penis, it didn’t turn me on, and that night I couldn’t have sex, I didn’te get hard at all, so I dropped it.

    I tried escorts over and over, in my mind that was the kind of thing I liked, TS, I didn’t care if it was wrong, their porn turned me on, so that’s what I should go for, and that’s what I did. But never could have sex, I wouldn’t get hard, it was something in my mind, but not in my penis.
    Then, for the first time I could have full sex with a TS, but this one was different, she was super feminine, curveous, short, blonde, her penis was shrunk, she couldn’t even have and erection, she was the first person I had sex with. Meanwhile I would make out with girls at parties, get hard, but always afraid of having sex with them. So porn, porn, porn, TS porn. Lesbian, straight, wasn’t appealing anymore.

    I had another girlfriend, I would get hard while kissing, but when trying to penetrate, it would go down. I disapeared as well. From that time, I didn’t know what to do, except watch more TS porn. Until a day I went to crossdresser porn, and twice I watched gay porn, even though I knew I wasn’t gay at all, but I was getting attracted to the feminine way the guys acted in porn, the domination, whatever, and then I went back to shemale porn again, that’s where my money was. I started to freak out, thinking I’m gay, people around me thinking the same because they dont see me getting girls.

    I moved to this house without internet, and it was nothing but the best times of my life, it was a feeling that gradually escalated. At first it was so bad not to have access to porn, I started masturbating while imagining stuff. Then I started to become the man who loves women the best. Jesus Christ, I can’t explain the feeling, I would go to school, and a simple girl with a bit of skin showing off would get me hard, like her belly showing off while she walks, her hands, nail polished, her cute face smiling at me, I was getting so horny, and hard ons, everytime, every minute. I spent 1 month like that, didn’t get any girl, it was a bad time of my life, skipping coolege and stuff. I didn’t know why that happened, thanks to you I know now

    Then I had internet again, and everything started again, the nightmare came on. And it still endures until today, shemale porn for six years, got me to the point where I stopped getting hard ons for a girl, even if I am kissing, getting embarrassed because now this days, girls seem to love me, and they want to get along with me, but I just make all the stories and fade away. I want them, but know in my present state I’m not able to get them, they think I’m a playa, because all girls love me, and I act like I’m over God, but that’s just my defense mechanism to avoid intimacy.
    I found you guys on tuesday, and I thank God for that, today is sunday 8.15 in the morning, havent slept, didn’t go out, didn’t drink, stayed on the internet watching movies, didn’t watch any porn either, in fact I haven’t watched porn since tuesday. Thank you people.

    I’m a 25 man who has never had sex with a woman, and always wanted to, never related to anyone, never had pillow talk, never had a girl telling me how good I am in bed, and always envy all my friends who have that. For them I’m a playa, and I’m never lonely. The idea of me being gay completely vanished from my mind, I don’t like men. I thought shemale was my thing, but I’ve felt how much I love women.

    My reboot is only beginning, and you will hear about me in no time. With better information.

  129. I think Porn has changed my orientation. (For now at least)
    I think Porn has changed my orientation. (For now at least)

    Has this happened to anybody? I’m an 18 year old Straight male, and for the first 17 years of my life I never questioned my sexuality at all, I knew I was straight. However, I started watching porn at around 13 years old. Just around now is the time I started to feel the effects, I guess you can say my mind was hijacked by porn that I don’t find regular women arousing anymore, even though I know I’m attracted to them I just don’t ‘feel’ it. These thoughts have been replaced mostly thoughts about other guys, and for the past couple of months since that started I’ve been questioning my sexuality. You see, I believe that being gay or straight is decided either at birth, or short time after. I’ve always had a desire to have a girlfriend (I’ve never had one before, not even up until now.) I also have a deep desire to have a wife and to raise a family with her, Despite all these thoughts that were (And sometimes still do) Running through my mind I don’t really think or believe that I am gay. Deep down in my heart I feel that I know 100% That I have a desire to grow old with a women by my side, and until porn came along and fucked my mind up. I’ve been fine. Even now, I don’t find sexual situations with guys (outside of the porn I used to watch, but porn is basically designed to turn you on, right?) interesting or fun, I may be a tiny bit curious, but other then that I know I’m neither bisexual nor gay. I know what my feelings are, I can never imagine a man taking a role as my life partner, I know that I want it to be a women.

    Now that I explained my reason for going pornfree, has this or something similar happened to anyone else? Has Porn Addiction become such a problem for anyone else that they start getting aroused by penises (Just that one part on the male body, I mean. No other parts of it turn me on) Has anyone else felt disgusted after maybe ejaculating to such thoughts? Has porn warped and rewired your brain the way it did mine? Has this happened to anybody else?

    This occasionally causes me anxiety and discomfort as well.

    130210

    That happens to me but the other way around. I’m gay but porn can get me sexually interested in women, at least to some degree. Well…not breasts, but the other female parts become arousing. Porn is an a overly charged erotic atmosphere, all inhibitions are down, the desire for sex becomes dominant. It’s unhealthy.

    evrydamnday

    I feel you, it’s that whole thing that makes you want something new. I’d never think about guys like that that I know, but in porn you never know for me… Still though, I am straight. I know that for a fact.

    AndTheSonsofDisaster

    Porn is kind of like drugs in that you usually end up looking for a better high. The things that once excited you don’t excite you anymore.

    flaming_douchebag

    And things that you one would have found distasteful are suddenly . . . maybe not quite so offputting. Maybe even tolerable. Maybe even exciting.

    AndTheSonsofDisaster

    I think we’ve discovered how people end up being aroused by things like 2girls1cup…but porn is “totally natural.”

    failorade

    Gay guy here, and it actually made me question myself the other way. Trust me when I say it really does mess with you and there are a few other threads that describe the same phenomenon. You’re not alone and you’re doing the right thing by being pornfree. Good luck!

    AndTheSonsofDisaster

    Porn is kind of like drugs in that you usually end up looking for a better high. The things that once excited you don’t excite you anymore.

    ThisEndsNow1

    For me, I had some fixation on the penis, especially ejaculation. I had deep thoughts about whether or not I wanted an experience with another guy and ultimately, I don’t. I think the small urge to experiment and my fixation stemmed from my own desperation to have sex with women. I think subconsciously I thought that if I could do to another penis what I want done to mine, I might feel some of that pleasure. It was just an obsession with pleasuring myself that I kind of grew an attraction to my own penis.

    Typing this I realize this still hasn’t changed all that much. But if you channel it and have a partner that is determined to give you the pleasure you want, knowing you’ll reciprocate, perhaps it could be viewed as a type of fetish. I’m interested in seeing what others have to say about this.

    Element-A

    You’re not alone man, I can definitely relate to your post. Porn has warped and rewired my brain. I haven’t had any weird unwanted (gay) thoughts in a while, but I know when I was into porn a lot, and first starting pornfree, I had those thoughts. Like yourself, I’m a straight male and I have always been interested and attracted to women.

    If these thoughts occur in my head, it will cause me to be anxious and uncomfortable.

    Hawkeye5

    Escalation to porn that doesn’t align with our original “orientation” is a very common, well-documented side effect of porn. It’s happened to me, to you, to countless others. I just wish this information was available 27 years ago when I was first tumbling down this hole. It would have changed my youth. Just let it motivate you even more to give up this poison.

    laidbackbrother

    Dude I totally feel you. I’m 27 and “had” been watching porn for over a decade now, started at 13. I’ve been on and off and so far i am 22 days free. Not so long ago, I found myself watching tranny porn, and developing some wierd fixation to penises in porn. And also found myself acting/looking all wierd and guys. Even worse, couldn’t even be myself or hold strong conversations with good eye contact with guys who are “good looking”. With that being said, I am 100% straight, and this behaviour only came about after a binge week. Porn is a powerfull evil addiction that can warp your subconsious and the results begin to manifest in your daily life. The good news is, 24 days PMO free, I have resumed my normal alpha male behaviour, no wierd feeling/looks towards guys and having great chemistry and communication with the ladies. I’m even finding girls I would have not looked twice at as quite attractive, and I’m not afraid to spark up conversation with hot girls anywhere at any time. So you are not alone brother, my advice is, stop now before you find yourself sucking some dudes dick and wondering how the hell it ever came to this, I’m glad I stopped when I still could. Stop for your own good. We are with you.

  130. ATTENTION EVERYONE WITH HOCD or SEXUAL ANXIETY!

    I just made a huge personal discovery for myself and I think it can apply to a lot of people with HOCD or sexual anxiety.

    The long term effect of constant porn usage for us has made us associate penises with pleasure.

    We see a girl in porn having sex with a “big penis” and we associate that with pleasure.

    Those with HOCD- long term porn usage has conditioned your brain to associate the penis as a pleasurable object. You don’t find men sexually attractive in real life but you think of a penis and your brain only knows to associate it with PLEASURE. So don’t worry, you aren’t gay, porn just fucked you up. It’s healable. 🙂

    Those with sexual anxiety – You have associated a woman getting pleasure by a big penis and toned body. The unusually large (and fake) penises in porn have subconsciously told your brain that the bigger your junk, the more pleasure the woman gets, which is not true. There are many things you can do that will turn on your woman, one of which is creating a genuine bond between the two of you. Don’t let porn give you anxiety! It’s fake! Remember, time heals all wounds.

    I hope my realizations have helped guys. 🙂 Peace!

    ATTENTION EVERYONE WITH HOCD or SEXUAL ANXIETY!

  131. “I am heterosexual, Then porn came around and messed everything

    I swear it’s like I can’t even think straight anymore. Majority of the time something sexual will be going on in my mind. I believe that porn can push a straight person towards homosexuality. Now keep in mind this is not going to turn a person gay or even bi, in reality it’ll just be constant worrying about the subject (Exactly what I’m going through right now)

    I believe these problems and all this worrying is the reason I plan to stop watching porn.

    Hopefully there’ll be a time again where I can go back to normal, have these intrusive gay thoughts out of my head, be free of porn, and everything else, then, hopefully, I can go back to the way I was before, I hope my attraction to women will return, I hope I won’t come out of this as gay or bi. Isn’t it ironic how much porn can fuck up your brain, feelings, and libido as much as it did to mine? I hope to eventually be back to where I can appreciate 2D and real life women equally again. I’ll tell you this is what I want because before porn I was attracted to 2D characters just like I would a regular person, yeah. I’m talking about the anime girls, I don’t think they’ll affect my reboot as long as I don’t fap to them. But that story is for another time. Anyway, porn has fucked up my brain and I can’t wait for the day where I can be fully heterosexual again without all this bisexual and gay worries plaguing my brain. I TRULY believe I am straight, people.

    “Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about.” – Unknown Author

    “I am heterosexual, Then porn came around and messed everything up.”

  132. It was porn which caused me to seek out kinkier

    [–]ihatep0rn

    Ok you inspired me to retype my story. Upvoted, because it takes some serious balls to type what you just did.

    Like many, I started off my fapping career with straight vanilla porn on dialup. Then when high speed internet became available I had a field day: downloading videos from Kazaa and bittorrent soon after. Soon I discovered 4chan, hentai, and traps. After a while, I wanted to experiment to take the dopamine rush further. Soon after this, I got into sissy hypno and porn music videos.

    I even lived as a girl for an entire year. Well in private, anyway. I developed a small following and got an online master/mistress. I’ve waisted so much money on this crap. At least $500 and I’ve purged 3 times now.

    I’m not judging anyone but I know this stuff is bad for me because:

    • Unlike legitimate trans people, I was not born this way. I didn’t “always know”.
    • It was porn which caused me to seek out kinkier (life ruining in the long run) highs.
    • Wasted between $500 – $700 on overpriced garbage and makeup.
    • TOOK 3 LEAVES OF ABSENCES FROM UNI
    • 2.6 GPA
    • 2nd week into my final semester at university and I’m woefully behind in my work ;_;

    FAPPING RUINED MY LIFE

    Reached a new low. This is a powerful addiction. No such thing as a 90 day reboot.

     

  133. Reached a new low. This is a powerful addiction. No such thing

    Things have gotten out of hand. I cannot believe I have done the things I’ve done. I’m reseting today and I’d like to tell my story to get it off my chest. Warning.. possible triggers.

    I never realized the extent and power of my addiction. In some ways, nofap as escalated my obsessions and compulsions to new heights since it has brought much of my issues to the surface. I see now that a full reset, especially for someone like myself, will take more than 90 days. I see it as a 12 step process of someone battling addiction. They will never be free of it, but must continue to be aware of its power over them and take it one day at a time. In this way, I can remain in control of my life.

    My story. My porn tastes escalated to transgender and gay porn like many others. In addition, I frequently anally masturbated and would cross dress on occasion. These behaviors never interfered with my life (so I thought), but I often had trouble performing sexually with women. PIED yay.

    I started nofap months ago to help cure PIED. I miraculously made it 75 days! (30 days hard mode and 45 days orgasming with a partner). I somehow relapsed.. on day 75, which goes to show that you can’t ever let your guard down, even after 75 days!

    This relapse led to a month of chronic masturbation (anal stimulation and regular masturbation). I began to feel distant from my partner, and I’m sure that my mo behavior definitely contributed to the dwindling of our sex life.

    I decided to try nofap again, and made it 8 days, but here is where I messed up. During this round, I continued watching porn (not videos but browsing craigslist). Yes, I see now that craigslist is 100% a form of mental stimulation and porn. This mistake has led me to the worst obsessive and addictive behaviors I have ever witnessed in myself. I would say that it’s worse to look at porn without orgasming because it fuels obsessive thoughts that will grow and grow without any release.

    You see, following my 1st relapse, I began to question my sexuality (due to the fact that my sexual desire dwindled for my girlfriend, and I began having strong cravings for a real penis (since I had been anally masturbating and always into transgender porn. In the 8 days during this 2nd nofap attempt, I began scouring craigslist for a guy or trans woman to experiment with. Didn’t seem attracted to any guys, and the trans women (which I almost met up with) didn’t seem to give me my “fix.” This is when I hit a new low.

    I discovered many cross dressers on craigslist that get dominated by “straight” men. This idea turned me on beyond belief. I began cross dressing and posting pics of myself on CL. I almost met up with a few older guys to let them dominate me, and amazingly and gratefully chickened out at the last second. Now, these thoughts have been completely consuming my life in the last week. Its so powerful that the 2nd I begin to fantasize about it, if I touch myself I orgasm in like 15 seconds. This is a new low. This is embarrassing and sad. I can’t believe I let this get out of hand.

    Today I am going to give this thing all I’ve got. Things have gotten bad, but they could have escalated to much worse. I never actually met up with anyone on craigslist for a bizarre hookup, and I hope I never will. I am not attracted to men, and I need a very big reset. This is likely something that I will have to fight my whole life, but if I take action now, I can put the brakes on things before I end up hurting more than just myself (as I can see how this type of behavior has the potential to be destructive to relationships).

    I have taken all of my nude cd pics off of my computer, and I have moved all my sex toys and cross dressing clothes (100’s of dollars worth) to the garage. I’m not ready to throw them out today, but this is a big step for me. During my first round of no fap, I didn’t realize the extent and power of my addiction, nor did I see the harm in anal stimulation or cross dressing, but I see now that it is currently a huge trigger for me. In the future, maybe I can re-introduce some anal stimulation with a partner, but I really need to stay away from it for now. No porn (of any kind, including craigslist), no cross dressing, no anal masturbation, and abstain from regular masturbation for as long as I possibly can. I cannot believe how crazy my thoughts have been in the last week. It disgusts me.

    So many people online say there is nothing wrong with cross dressing. Live life and have fun they say! For many people, it might be just fine. But for me personally, it has somehow escalated into an obsessive pmo type cycle that has led me down a path of shame and regret and confusion. It is tricking my brain to find gratification in a way that is highly conflicting with my natural and true desires.

    I am attracted to women. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but I know I am not. I want to have a healthy relationship with a woman I am fully attracted to. This will be put in jeopardy if I continue letting my addiction change me.

    I don’t have all the answers. This most resent setback has been painful, but it has shown me the true colors of my addiction. I need to constantly be aware of its power over me. I need to be strong. I need to be conscious. I need to fight it with everything I’ve got to take back control of my life.

    Thanks for reading and thanks for your support fellow fapstonauts

    Reached a new low. This is a powerful addiction. No such thing as a 90 day reboot.

    by FapperMC

     

  134. Going on on a porn free journey after getting arrested

    I actually posted this to nofap originally but reading posts here I think it is a better fit, I am going no fap for a while but as part of getting porn free

    I have been a user of internet porn for about 15 years from the point I got easy access to the net. I never had any real relationships, more and more porn and masturbation became my only sexual outlet. In the last few years it got to the point that I would spend hours upon hours just clicking and clicking. I would often jerk off several times a day, day after day until it actually hurt.

    It began to lose the thrill eventually and then I moved onto to more extreme porn, chat rooms and webcams. I told myself I would stop but never did. I cut the lead off the webcam only to go out and buy a one a few days later.

    Things began to get worse, I hated myself for using some much porn but couldn’t seem to control myself enough to stop while. The worse I felt the more I looked at porn but with decreasing return. That’s when I began to move to the next level and actually started to expose myself in the real world. It lead to my arrest and conviction as a sex offender.

    It was only after being driven away in a police car, sitting in a cell, facing a judge, being hand-cuffed, having to talk about my sex offences with my parents and friends, being suspended from work that I realised my problems. Before this I always managed to rationalise my behaviour. Strange to say getting arrested has ended up being on of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has lead me to make some big changes to my life since this, though the legal consequences I face will be long lasting.

    I have managed to stay away from porn for about 3 months now, but have still being fantasizing and masturbating to memories of it, also allowing myself to find sexual images here on reddit and sites like craigslist. Trying to make a more significant break with a proper no porn of any sort and no fapping to porn fantasies

    Thanks for reading if you have got this far. I mainly have written this as I find it good to have an outlet to what I’m thinking in a place where people hopefully understand and aren’t likely to judge me too harshly.

    Going on on a porn free journey after getting arrested

  135. I had no interest in any man or transgender person until I start

    I had no interest in any man or transgender person until I started very heavily into PMO. I had my first “gay” thought at around 18-19 and by then I’ve been 7 years into my addiction.. Then I thought I was asexual then bisexual and even 100% gay for a few weeks, hell, I thought I was still bi up until a couple months ago! HOCD is real and all this PMO shit messes with your brain chemistry. Fight it. It might take months or years for us to recover, but it’ll be worth it.

    Bisexual or just HOCD (my experience & advice to HOCDers)

     

  136. Fetish H-OCD Cravings. Im Straight but my body wants the sick ru

    So I found my way to this website and YBOP because I was on a Female Domination site where you can meet women and MOing.  I came across a Male/Male cartoon domination image..  For some reason I got a sick euphoric rush which was also associated to the anxiety it caused..  I associated myself in the picture..  I have always ignored this type of material, but my desire for normal female stuff is so desensitized from porn that this new shit caused a spike in me and my body now craves more of it…  something I would NEVER have explored.. (PORN IS SO TERRIBLE)

    Now I have full blown H-OCD thoughts and cravings..triggered over night by 1 pic.. and its been bothering me for over a month! From a straight Porn Fetish addiction to Fetish Gay material.. its killing me inside!

    The thoughts and desire to act out have been constantly in my head..(Again I will NEVER actually do this, but the thought sends a spike craving)… I did a lot of thinking and know im not gay (no desire for an emotional or relationship connection and im not attracted to them physically either).  Im 33 and have only had happy loving female relationships and sexual encounters my whole life that I really enjoyed.

    Sometimes I feel like if I give in for a while they will stop haunting me… I loose all sense of control when the thoughts get me turned on and the material only gets worse…. I want them to stop and die out and have no effect on me.  As soon as I MO to the thoughts, the craving goes away and I come back to my senses and realize how sick and grossed out I am by it.. thats how I know this is Strictly a Sexual Addiction …

    I want to stop NOW but I am so weak and keep falling back into the stuff because of the euphoric cravings, making it only worse..

    Fetish H-OCD Cravings. Im Straight but my body wants the sick rush! So Addicted

  137. stuff that I’d done popped into my head and instead of aroused

    My penis is dead, but my brain’s returning to normal

    I have been on flatline since the first day. Seriously, zero erections, no morning wood, no nothing. Not an urge, not anything. I’ve changed things up a lot by filling in other activities to keep my mind and body busy, and I’ve also been busy with a move and changing jobs. But there’s a part of me that wonders how bad I’ve jacked my brain/penis up.

    My first sign of improvement came yesterday, though. I’m a straight guy, but when I escalated porn I got into transgender stuff. I think largely because the anxiety and stress of it freaked me out and made the viewing experience more intense. This eventually escalated to having a few real-world encounters and I actually dated a ts girl for awhile who pretty much looked like a porn star.

    Yesterday, a memory of some stuff that I’d done popped into my head and instead of arousing me, it nearly made me gag. I was shocked. I was really repulsed by the idea. While this might sound hurtful to those in the GLBT community, I see it as the first sign of my brain returning to normal. I’m not bi, and I’m not attracted to male genitalia. Returning to default and feeling this reaction was incredibly encouraging.

    So, I want to encourage guys with various forms of HOCD behaviors, PLEASE, PLEASE stick with it and give your brain a chance to return to baseline so you can experience your true desires. If you finish 90 days and you’ve reset and you still like what you did when you started, GREAT. But give yourself a chance to find out.

    And I’m also looking for some encouragement that my penis will one day crank back up, lol.

  138. My Autobigraphy: Long Term Porn Addiction Effects On The Mind &

    Hi all, I’m Rich, I’m 18 years old and I have been addicted to pornography and masturbation for well over eight years now…and this is how i imagine my introduction would sound if I were in a real support group (ya know, with the presenter and people in chairs with a deep story?). But anyways, if one were to ask, “how’d that work out for ya?” I would simple say that it screwed my life with no remorse. I’m not sure how it all started out for the rest, and I know this sure as hell seems cliché-but my first time seeing a woman half dressed was on a VHS tape. I was blown away, but I told my mom and she cut it off. The image of the woman lingered in my mind though.

    I guess you can say that’s when I became curious sexually about girls for the age that I was. I would discover these amazing series on HBO, Cinemax, and Showtime that featured nude women, Soft-core Pornography. One day I was flipping channels and found the porn section accidentally. I was HIGHLY tempted to buy the channel, and after a long thought I just went ahead and pressed “buy” with the remote. There it was, some blonde girl wearing latex (which I think is why I like latex girls now all of a sudden, +++++++++++++ for specifics) letting a man perform oral sex on her. I can’t quite remember exactly what happened next but soon my mom called them and had it removed, I lied and said it was on accident.

    Apart from my new late night hobby, I would search for DVD’s in the living room that looked like it had suggestive content and masturbate to it. I recall when I just fell in love with 70’s women, once I seen +++++++++++ (the original) and the lead girls plus the breast flash scene (I would masturbate all night to that scene). I was around 10 or 11 during that time, which is when Hardcore porn was new to me once I had a desktop. The game definitely changed then, you had the full view of both stars, the blowjobs, the money shots, which were all not present in Soft-core. I quickly began gathering Porn stars I liked and many of their names soon became stamped in my brain. Besides the porn, I still had a slightly okay life. Around that time I found I had a brother who left and never came back when I was a baby, most of my good friends moved, but I still had my X-Box.

    I did have a relationship in 6th grade and I would explain how it started because it’s really cute, and memorable but that’s too much. Her name was Stephanie, she was a normal urban girl who was funny, laid back, and beautiful. To end memory lane short, I screwed up by getting interested in another girl at our school who soon didn’t like me either, all because I cut my hair (I don’t like my hair short now either, go figure). My porn use during that time is pretty blank, so I can’t say what I’ve done as for as porn goes. I did get a breakout at that time which may or may have not spanned over the course of those years in what seems to be a permanent skin condition for me (none of my prescriptions helped it, and if it did, it was too expensive to keep getting more). That’s when I believe my insecurity sparked a small flame.

    Around 7th to 8th grade, I got a cell phone, a mytouch to be exact, 4g. First thing I did? snag some numbers, find local girls from facebook to text. Of course, sex was pretty much on all our minds so to speak, couldn’t do it so sexting was the runner up. And man, that was a glory period for me, I honestly would travel back to that. It was amazing, what more can a young guy ask for than girls wanting to talk dirty with him and send nudes and near nudes? (when he has no idea of the other goods of life that is) especially after going nights of masturbating just to the thoughts of their face, being nude, kissing each other, and etc.

    And though while that went on, I started doubting myself. I wanted bigger genitals, like the guys in porn. I seen how the most beautiful women were having sex with guys who were far from small, I figured if there was a will, there would be a way I could get bigger. Nothing was wrong with me, it was the influence of porn that made me feel like that, because no girl teased me about my size or anything, it was just how people can have money but just want more. So I went to google, and did numerous searches on “penis enlargement” and came upon articles, description based tutorials (Text/video) and implementing what I found that seemed safe, in my bathroom. It’s then when I believe I simultaneously gained some sort of stimulation from viewing big genitals. I soon had ED, couldn’t get erect anymore from the videos, pictures, and I didn’t know what was going on. I still liked females but as for as arousal went, nothing happened.

    I think that whole fixation with enlarging my genitals (and my general increased usage of porn) put me in a whole different ballpark that I never intended or want to play one. I can’t explain how this came about, so Ill just say all of what happened. I began loosening up to other genres of porn. As far as I knew, the only genre was straight porn, the rest like anal, ebony, milfs and such were just sub genres. Yeah I knew there were gay people, but i never knew of or noticed that there was gay porn. But I came across transsexual porn, don’t ask me why, and get used to that statement because it will come up again. That went on for a short period, they all looked like women, that’s the least I can say about that. I then got into solo guy porn, watching videos of guys masturbating. This, clearly had a direct link to the fact that I was a chronic masturbator. Say you have a certain hobby, smoking, games, etc. most of the time, you want to know others who do the same as you. Some how, I found stimulation in watching that, along with gay porn (again don’t ask me why) which as well lasted for a short time. What I could confirm is that it was all out of the fact of it being sexual, which is what got me off, in no way did i find it “hot” or wanted to do it or all the other c**p you see in comments of a usual gay video. Was just a lot of unusual stuff that I was getting into that I really never thought through.

    Soon that ended, had a long term girlfriend who was the love of my life but I’m not getting into all that because I’m getting tired. High School started and it was nothing spectacular (hated it and still hate it). I’m not sure of what to touch on for this period, well no, I became more quiet and anti-social. Being pent up in your room for so long with no one really getting you out the house more than you’ve been in the house does major damage, at least to me it did. So of course I was near unknown despite how cool I really am, i had a small circle of friends. But I never could go to the girl I would find attractive and just say something, my confidence was at the bottom of an iceberg (still is), I didn’t know what was happening. I had anger issues, went to my mom about but she did nothing, just became alienated from my parents really. My porn usage was more than likely low though around then. But it risen once i started losing people I was becoming attached to or was highly inspirational to me (mainly teachers) that all seen something in me. Which is what sort of drove me off a cliff, because my parents view me as a negative picture frame, they never really have anything good to say about me; but yet and still, teachers and students that I haven’t known for more than a minute to a month could see something extraordinary in me. If I had a dollar for every time someone said I look like or will be a professor, a designer, have complimented my humbleness, or knowledge, I’ll probably have well over 50 dollars (that’s a lot considering the circumstances). Put that against my parents? let’s say Lincoln never got elected in this case. I can write, read, make music (exclude play the guitar which I have no class for), understand people, and I have such a broad mind and perspective, considering my age, and they wouldn’t notice it if it smacked them in the face. And the worst thing about it is they eventually knew of my porn use some years ago but failed to divert me from it, I literally stole a porn DVD I accidentally found in my dad’s then porn stash buried in his drawer, had it found by baby sister and had nothing said to me…at all, like it was just nothing. So I guess they play a role into why I’m how I am. I’m just waiting to move out, when I’m ready.

    As of last year, a former teacher of mines told me that she noticed a change in me compared to the boy she met in 9th grade before she retired after the school year (Computers/Web Design was my pathway which was a 3 year course from beginner to intermediate, she was my teacher for those two years) she looked me in my eye and told me that. That’s when I realized that I had a problem, that things weren’t how they should have been, I realized I was a porn addict. And to this day, I got worst in way, I found my way back into porn even though I learned of what it’s done to me (it was a little to too late to stop). That included transsexual porn after all these years with what’s called HOCD. Seventeen years old and I’m questioning if I’m gay when I lost my virginity to my then girlfriend who I left because of her w**** like ways (which I’ll leave out), the words of “what-the-f**k” came to rise because it made no sense. Started getting erect from seeing guy’s genitals in porn, if it was a fair size. I didn’t know why, it just happened, I sure as hell wasn’t pleased with it despite me being erect ironically. I felt like my sexuality was being toyed with and my biggest fear of all was not being able to get a girl again, especially having sex with them for that matter. I still got some erections from seeing women online but it just wasn’t the same. I decided to test myself to gay porn. That was the worst c**p I ever did.

    The time it took just to find a video to watch (because to my surprise, I wasn’t interested or appealed to it as I thought I would be) was insane. I would type words mainly consisting of “Big” “penis” and “Gay” all in the same sentence, in the same order (recall how i was so fixated on getting bigger genitals when I was younger). Eventually I’ll just pick something, skipped like hell when it came to them touching or kissing and giving oral sex. I would be mildly erect, somewhere above, nothing that excited me. The purpose of the tests were to see if I was going to have a massive erection and just finally feel what I felt years ago when viewing women.

    Truth is, I didn’t, nothing could fill in the shoes of a woman with me, despite the oddness of what could get me erect. I always look up pictures of women, videos, etc, I like them like I always have. I noticed how it went from straight porn, solo girl, or just a picture of women, then to transsexual porn or gay porn. As of now, I watch neither or have the desire to. As for as porn? every now and then, I’m more into pictures than videos now, not just sexual pictures but photography. I’m totally into the girl when it comes to porn but still do I get erect from seeing the guy’s genitals and I still get uncomfortable with it because I want an explanation for it, other than my own theories, an elaboration or add-on of some sort.

    I’m hopefully a senior now, seeing as I didn’t put my mind to the lack of school work this year, I made no F’s for my final grades but, no one seems to really think I passed (out of my mom really, me and my dad don’t even talk unless he want’s my help on some video game, all he does is play games or sleep since he’s retired), my mom didn’t seem too thrilled that I’m in AP British Language next year, so…I honestly all most don’t give a care. So there’s my story, as far as my future goes? what I want: To go to college, get my degrees in Criminal Justice/Criminology, Psychology (just to name a few), work in the police force, find a good woman, start a family, somewhere in a good place where they’re safe from my line of work. what i expect: that none of that will happen, and i will instead of living up to what everyone in my pass seen in me, live up to what my parents see in me…an utter failure, hothead who needs “counseling” in which is in more of the line of s*it talking than actually realization that I need assistance with my life.

    Yes, I told my mom I had a problem with porn, I even wrote her the site to “your brain on porn” for her to go and learn about it all, yes I told her I had anger issues years ago and asked for help. And yes, nothing was done about it. I never asked for this, who knew something that seemed so harmless, something that seemed only pleasurable and fun, could turn out to be a real horror in someone’s life?

    http://www.reuniting.info/blogs/rich96/my-autobigraphy-long-term-porn-addiction-effects-mind-sexuality-young-male

  139. led to me having an empathetic connection with male porn stars

    I wasn’t sure where to go or who to go to about this but I just wanted to share this because I feel like I’m really on to something .

    Years ago I became a porn addict and ended up becoming erect when seeing penises in a porn video. I was confused for quite some time until I mysteriously started putting the pieces together. Being a masturbator, I was in tune with my own penis at a young age, it’s basically how I sought ultimate pleasure. I became influenced by porn, thinking I needed a bigger penis so I could further impress girls that I spoke to around ages 14-15, so influenced that I would search articles, techniques, and so on in almost an obsessive way. It was then when things started to take a confusing turn (the different sexual response).

    I eventually had slightly weaker erections which baffled me, but one day I noticed I was erect but not just because of the girl in the video, it was because of the male porn star’s penis. For some time it confused me until life sorta took another road and porn was absent in my daily life. But then rose again years later with a stronger impact, it led me to get into TS porn, attempt to watch gay porn as a means of testing myself and so on. I was literally scared of watching a M/F scene because I knew I’ll get erect once I seen his penis when I knew I never liked it in the in which I like the body parts of females.

    I began putting into it pieces, attaching them like puzzles, because that’s what it was, a complicated puzzle. Due to my masturbation and porn usage everyday, I eventually grew insecure of my own penis because the females in the videos were always with guys who had big penises. I took pictures of mines for girls I knew while they took pictures of themselves nude for me, so my penis was a big deal for me. As my insecurity came in, that led me to wanting to know how to get a bigger penis, becoming fixated on it simultaneously. And that led to me having an empathetic connection with male porn stars, knowing I couldn’t be the size of them, they somehow became a medium for me to get erect because I’ll automatically place myself in their position/body because it’s them I wanted to be having sex with those women, it’s their penis I wanted to have. So seeing them erect would automatically make me erect, needing the other sight of a bigger erect penis to give me an erection. Be it alone with just the view of a girl or girls, the erection will be far more weak because I would not have that medium, the motivation to get me erect because I am insecure by myself.

    And that is the most simplest way I could explain it, I wish there was a scientific and more detailed explanation but it’s not enough of that happening for it be studied, but I know i’m right regardless of scientific evidence. It’s kind of like a twin not being able to do anything without his/her twin with them, they have to be together in order to be confident and do anything because of some connection that cuts off their ability to function without the other half. I need to see the girl with a guy who has a big erection in order to have a better erection myself. The only problem is though I figured out why my sexual response is like that, I have the slightest idea of how to reverse it to how it used to be, when just seeing a beautiful girl was enough to turn me on, needing no medium in order to achieve an erection.

    I generally don’t have anyone to speak to about these things, so really I’m alone with all of this. But maybe someone could use this, if they are going through the same thing, wondering if they have a different sexuality. Any feedback would appreciated.

    *Just for the record: And no, I’m no where near small, it’s the fact the guy’s penises in porn looked like perfect Greek marble work, making me feel like they were better than me and that’s what girls like pornstar’s liked.

    Found out my problem, but can it be fixed?

  140. Anyone escalated to a fetish about “Being the girl” in porn?

    It’s very frustrating.. the thing is i dont know if its porn induced or not but all i know is that i didnt have that before 21yrs of age.. before that it was all about vanilla porn and some gay porn.. i’ve always concidered myself as a straight male but i hate how this makes me doubt it.. but “being a girl” gets me off faster when im much into porn than vanilla sex.. I’ve have Homosexual and Transsexual OCD about this too..

    I had a 2-3week reboot in May and after that, for 1-3months i didnt have almost any of these odd fantasies – only thought about being with women and having sex with them.. but once i started back up on porn it took over slowly when it escalated from a genre to another and here i am again..

    Should i try again? I’m just scared im denying my true desires if i dont fap to porn? Anyone else had this similar fantasy of being the girl?

    Anyone escalated to a fetish about “Being the girl” in porn?

     

     

  141. on my last noPMO streak the fetish even didnt arouse me

    I still cant believe it? I seem to have a kink of “being a woman” in porn but the longer i abstain from porn, the less and less it appears during MOing and even less in real life… is this really possible? I mean I’ve been MOing to straight stuff and probably could still MO to the fetish but its like straight vanilla stuff becomes more and more appealing the more i stop PMOing… on my last noPMO streak the fetish even didn’t arouse me or feel at all appealing to get off to.

    Why do you think this is the way it is? One could argue the fetish is hardwired but why does it only feel appealing when PMOing and not when just fantasizing?

    Seriously?? Can MO and PMO realms really be that different realms in terms of what arouses you?? (Feeling hopeful)

     

  142. I’ve hit rock bottom-porn made me think I was bisexual. I’m not

    I’ve hit rock bottom now I think – porn made me think I was bisexual…I’m not!

    Brief background:

    32 years old – Single – Lost my GF 2 months ago because of my PIED – Have depression and on waiting list to see a therapist.

    So from what I’ve read on YBOP, porn forces you to seek out more extreme porn gradually so that you keep getting your dopamine high.

    This is very true. I can’t watch a couple having sex in porn any more as it does nothing for me. I have to watch group sex, gangbangs, orgies, fetish and taboo type porn too.

    Well recently I’ve been watching Bi Porn where the guys are bi and they do a bunch of gay stuff together.

    I can’t watch purely gay porn, there has to be at least one girl in the clip but bi porn was getting me off sometimes.

    I joined a swingers site and registered my profile as BI and that I was looking for BI couples to try this out. After a few messages back and forwards with a slightly older than me couple we arranged to meet for a drink on Thursday past.

    I actually went and met them but the whole time I was looking at the guy and thinking there is absolutely no way I’d want to even touch him on the hand never mind getting intimate with him regardless of whether or not his wife was joining us. It’s not that I’m homophobic, it’s just that I’m not gay, I’m not bi and I have no real feelings towards men other than the fantasy that came with watching that type of porn.

    I made my excuses and left and have since deleted my profile on the site.

    I really need to get back to normal. I’ve tried since I discovered this no fap movement in May but I’ve only managed to get to ten days twice.

    I would really like to start dating again. Being dumped by the girl you love because of PIED is the most disheartning thing that could happen to a guy. I was so humiliated and down that I thought I’d be better off dead. Not that I’d deliberately kill myself just that if a car was going past me quickly I would think that it would be really great if it lost control and ploughed into me and ending my life, that kind of thing.

    But yeah I’d love to start dating again as my life is much better when I’m in a relationship but I won’t allow myself to do so until I’ve done ninety days hard mode because what the fuck is the point in going around a never ending circle of humiliation every time I fail to get an erection with a girl I like. It’s also not fair on the girls either.

    Day four at the moment. Hope I can do this.

     

  143. Here’s why I like gay porn:

    Here’s why I like gay porn:
    1. It’s taboo. Taboo turns me on. Guys are not supposed to suck cock. It’s obscene – in a good way 🙂
    2. Most women in porn are acting. With men, there is no question that swollen, throbbing, cum spewing hardon is real! I like to see people really getting off. With men, it’s obvious.
    3. I have plenty of great sex with my hot Chinese wife. Jacking to gay porn is something totally different and extremely erotic to me for the above reasons.

    http://www.jackinchat.com/viewthread.php?tID=46874

  144. I’m attracted to women, but watching porn has twisted my….

    Well at least you did not arrange a bj with a transsexual that attends the same school as you do. Now I am terrified because I might run into her/him anywhere…the library…the health clinic. Speaking of health clinic, I’m so paranoid that I may have caught something that I’m going there for a full physical soon.

    I’m attracted to women, but watching porn has twisted my grasp of reality to the point that tranny porn has crept in to my perverted idea of entertainment. Not to mention that after the tranny gave me the blowjob, I PMOed and destroyed a 146-day streak.

    I have to write a paper right now and my mind has flipped inside out. Plus before all of this I was top 3 in all of my classes. Now I can barely focus enough to write my own name.

    Is there “No-Fap/No-soliciting prostitutes on craig’s list & backpage” subreddit for men whose desires have twisted beyond recognition b/c of porn?

  145. I’m 17 and porn turned me in to a pedophile.

    Now the title is slightly misleading, as a pedophilia is a sexual orientation in which the main sexual attraction is to a child, and I personally am straight. However I’ve started to find children from the ages of 6-12 physically attractive to the point of erection. These thoughts have only started to appear in the past 2 months, and prior to that I took a VERY strong anti-pedophile stance. But now having experienced these thoughts without the ability to control them I’ve become more understanding.

    I’ve used pornography since the age of 10 on a daily basis, with my first porn experience being extremely graphic at the age of 8 in which my friend showed me a scat video which he thought was shocking but I found oddly interesting (at this point I had not hit puberty). I’ve been watching the most extreme legal categories of pornography for over a year now, so I guess children were just the next step in desensitization, but I’m fighting it. Quitting porn and seeing a psychologist. I’ve read a lot of articles hoping to see if anyone experienced similar feelings as I have in relation to pornography addiction and I’m yet to see one, so I feel as if it’s necessary for this article to be made to let people know that while it may be extremely uncommon, pedophiliac thoughts can occur as a result of pornography desensitization.

    I’m 17 and porn turned me in to a pedophile.

  146. I started watching more and more hard porn to the point where

    It started off as casual straight porn, and I was exposed early to hardcore pornography at the age of 7 ( I found my uncle’s porn mags at work and took them home with me). As the years went on, I started watching more and more hard porn to the point where I would watch shemales and now exclusively gay porn.

    Here’s the kicker, to me it’s only a fantasy and I would never enact it in real. In fact, I almost had the chance to experiment with another man and when he pulled his penis out, I was repulsed. Like I seriously didn’t even want to touch it. It wasn’t out of guilt or fear, it was out of sheer disinterest. I ended up apologizing and even he could tell that “(I’m) not gay or bicurious.”

    Has anyone on nofap been in a similar predicament? I love my SO but I feel that my bad habits may be affecting our sex life.

    I identify as straight, have been in a relationship for 6 years, doing well in life. Except… I can’t stop masturbating to gay porn.

  147. How porn nearly killed me

    I started watching porn when i was about 14, i remember i used to type sex into napster and began downloading whatever i could find. All of my friends were doing the same so i didn’t think i was doing anything harmful. As i got a bit older my parents bought me a computer for my room, i was about 16, at the same time i started smoking weed. I found that the combination of getting stoned while watching porn was a overwhelmingly fun thing to do. I am now 28 and i still find myself in the same situation more or less that i was in when i first starting out watching porn. I always felt like it was a dirty habit but i guess knowing that the majority of men in our society were also watching porn enabled me to ignore my fears and continue.

    I found that if i watched porn more than usual for example if i had a day off, i would notice that the type of porn would change, i would find myself watching more extreme porn. This is the part of my story that i think has effected me the most. I was brought up in a loving family, i was taught how to treat women with respect so what i found so hard to deal with is why i was able to watch porn where a women would be mistreated. I would never treat a women like that in ‘real life’ so why did i allow myself to watch these videos. I would get bored of normal porn i guess because i had watched so much of it but even though this is a logical reason why i would end up watching extreme porn it didn’t make me feel any better about doing it and after watching an extreme porno i would feel sick and really disgusted with myself. I would also find that if i didn’t watch porn for a couple of days then my taste would go back to ‘normal’ porn but the effects of watching the extreme porn would still be there in my real life.

    Since i was about 18 i have found it difficult to make eye contact with people, i have suffered from low self-esteem and in turn an inability to connect with people, stupidly i didn’t really connect the dots between porn and my sociability till recently and one of my main drives to quit porn is to reconnect with society.

    About 1 year ago i tried to take my own life, i had watched some stuff that i couldn’t erase from my mind and the guilt was eating me alive. Thankfully i was unsuccessful but even though i tried to kill myself because of the effects of porn just a few months later i found myself falling back into my habit of getting stoned and watching porn while ignoring the real world. I need to change i cannot go on any longer this is the first time i have put my experience of porn addiction into words, it feels good to get it off my chest and thanks to all the people that are sharing their stories about porn addiction. This is my first day of the rest of my life, my goal no porn ever again! My support goes out to everyone effected negatively by porn.

    Your sincerely David

    How porn nearly killed me

  148. I pursue the stimulation even if it threatens everything

    I take polygraphs because I admitted to viewing child porn to my ex (over three years ago) and I built it into my own divorce ruling in order to protect my access to my daughter. Yes, I chose this. Every year, I prove that I have not used pornography by getting hooked up to a machine.

    And every year, I pass the test – despite the fact that every year, I have slipped and actually viewed pornography at least a few times… I pass the testing by using mindfulness techniques, relaxation, and the knowledge that I am not a danger to my child and never could be – not in a million years.

    I’m not defending child porn or my use of it – that is how low I sank while I was in the worst of my addiction — over 5 years ago now. I only occasionally viewed child porn, and was mostly horrified by it – but that is what happens when you feed the dopamine hunt over the course of more than a decade. It drives you to look for things that will stimulate a brain that has been numbed to the point of “almost dead”. And you’ll pursue the stimulation even if that stimulation half-repulses and half-intrigues.

    Now I know that I’ll pursue the stimulation even if it threatens everything I hold most dear.

    Mostly, my “fetishes” involved other legal porn acts I won’t go into to avoid triggering people. Those are still problems for me. But child porn became a small albeit definite part of the cocktail back when I was doing it every day.

    All of this is the sort of thing I figured would never happen to me. I am shocked and scared to even be admitting it here. But I have to talk about this.

    I don’t know what you’ll say to me. Some of you may rush to judgment. But I know my own heart, and I know that I am not a pedophile or a danger to anyone. The people who love me and know my history also know this is true.

    I am someone who drove myself to seek increasingly extreme forms of stimulation, because I was and am particularly sensitive to pornography. It is my addiction, and I will always be susceptible to it, I know that now. Not saying I was born that way, not sure, but it’s the way I am now. Maybe it will change, but I’m not going to hold my breath or delude myself.

    Last night I slipped again and viewed pornography… It turned into a hunt for teen porn. And during my search, I stumbled across child porn. I was repulsed — more so than ever before. Not even close to tempted. I have been too traumatized by it to ever look at it intentionally again, I know that. I felt like I was looking at my own daughter, destroyed and humiliated. It nearly broke my heart, and fills my eyes with tears as I write this.

    I have done therapy – it helped me face many demons. But this addiction is it’s own thing and I know I don’t need more therapy now. I have done 12 steps. I didn’t feel I belonged there – the culture didn’t suit me.

    So I just decided to come here and start a No Fap challenge for 90 days. I need to change. I need my integrity and self-trust back.

    I’m here for support and empathy. I want to feel that I’m not alone.

    Not looking for advice. Not looking for “help”. I am not new to these circles. I know the techniques. I know what to do, and I know what I need.

    I just want to stand alongside you all, having admitted to all of you what I’ve done, and not be boiled down to a judgment or a label: I want to be known and seen for who I am. Not just a porn addict. Not just a potential criminal or a “maybe child molester”. Not just a monster or a saint. I don’t want to wear my addiction like a badge of honor, or shame. It’s not all of who I am, even though it is a part of who I am.

    I just want to be seen – to be heard. And to be accepted as I am. I just want to be human with you all for a little while. To step beyond labels and judgments and just be — but not be alone. That’s what I need.

    Can you understand what I mean?

    I take polygraphs every year to ensure I haven’t used pornography – and I pass, even though I slip sometimes.

  149. Turns out I’m very very gay

    I used to wonder to what extent the porn I watched affected my sexual orientation. I was bisexual as far as I could tell from my tastes in porn. I’ve had much more enjoyment having sex with men but I wondered when I started nofap if the increase in testosterone would reignite my interest in women.

    Nope! Holy shit nope. I think I’ve never been so attracted to men in my life, and I’ve never been so willing to engage them and flirt a little/hint that I’m into them. I never had the courage or the fire in me to do that before.

    I’m praying each night for the strength not to look back. I definitely feel more alive than I ever did while fapping. Good luck friends, keep going.

    Turns out I’m very very gay

  150. NoFap + Sex = Destroyed Weird Sexual Fetishes

    WARNING: Post may contain triggers. I didn’t censor particular words because the whole post is basically a potential trigger

    When I was 16 three years ago I was at the height of my porn addiction. Fat porn, tranny porn, femdom porn, even weirder shit, etc.

    I started the fight the summer of my senior year of HS, right before college. I’ve relapsed countless times, but I’ve made huge strides. I’m still working on it, but I’ve had numerous pretty long streaks (3 to 5 months each).

    During that time the desire for the fetishes that I strongly believe porn created (nothing against natural fetishes, just the artificially created ones) decreased.

    However, In my case, it wasn’t till I started getting laid fairly regularly with different girls that I finally put them to rest. For the first time in my life, I truly destroyed those artificial fetishes. For some reason something just clicked when I started having more sex (and abstaining from PMO of course) and the old fetishes disappeared.

    Something about having real sex that makes the weird fantasizes straight up disgusting. All I know is it was the last straw that finally killed my tranny fetish.

    So if you’re still struggling with fetishes, it may be worth focusing on getting more sex, especially from a variety of women (I know, easier said than done lol). All I know is it helped me when it felt like some of my fetishes would never go away.

    Finally getting rid of some of the marks porn left on my mind felt (and still feels) incredible. I know this post isn’t exactly revolutionary, but I figured I’d share that – yes, you can get rid of these repulsive fetishes even if you think it’s impossible.

    NoFap + Sex = Destroyed Weird Sexual Fetishes

  151. [30 days nofap] severe ED since 17 and confused about my sexual

    I have to say it’s not easy to break any habit, the past 30 days have been very challenging but also very rewarding!

    I have been using Internet porn since I was 14. I’ve been masturbating daily and some times even 2-3 times per day until three years later shortly after I turned 17. One day when I ejaculated after masturbating to internet porn, I felt extremely exhausted, like something was taken out from my body, and ever since then I could no longer get a proper erection even with porn usage.

    I was scared to death when it happened, and I was too afraid to talk to my parents about it. In the following few months I felt very weak and vulnerable, I felt sleepy and couldn’t concentrate, and my grades dropped like sky diving. I’ve seen a few doctors afterwards but none of them was helpful.

    A few months later things got better, I seemed to have recovered from the weakness but my penis was no longer working as it used to, no morning woods, no spontaneous erections, no whatsoever! Imagine how painful it is for a 17 year old boy to have severe ED!

    Two years later I went to college. Despite all the problems I was facing, I could not stop watching porn and masturbating, it’s like a cancer growing inside your mind and you cannot get rid of it!

    After many year’s of extreme porn, normal pornography can no longer satisfy my need, just as Gary Wilson pointed out in his TED speech “they would go for porn that doesn’t match their sexual orientation”, eventually I downloaded some gay porn and oh my… it’s like a whole new world! In the beginning, I would feel very uncomfortable when I saw gay kissing scenes, it made me wanna puke, so I would skip to oral/anal sex scenes. After some more clips I got used to kissing scenes, and heck, after a while I could even watch a whole gay porn without skipping!

    By that point, I have already messed up my sexual orientation. I still like girls, but I could feel the urge to peek at guys’ dicks in public toilets, but NO emotional feelings at that time. With time I seem to have developed feelings towards men too. Now at age of 26, I’m attracted to both guys and girls! (I’m sorry if I offended anyone, I don’t think there is anything wrong with LGBT, I’m just very confused about my sexual orientation.)

    I had sex with both guys and girls, but unfortunately none of them was successful, I couldn’t get a proper erection for penetrations, I couldn’t maintain an erection when receiving oral sex. Eventually I gave up and lost interest in real sex.

    I’ve seen quite a few doctors over the years but none of them solved my problems. I’ve seen more than 10 doctors this year alone and wasted thousands of dollars! I tried Viagra, Cialis, Message, Traditional Chinese Medicine, Acupuncture almost everything I could try, but no, NONE of them worked! I asked all the doctors the same question that whether my ED is caused by excessive masturbations, surprisingly almost all of the doctors assured me that masturbation won’t cause ED! And that my ED is psychological not organic.

    I was so desperate for answers, so I turned to Google to see if there is a connection between masturbation and ED, and so I found Gary Wilson’s website YourBrainOnPorn.com, OMG I feel so relieved to find out that I’m not alone and that there is a way to cure myself. Suddenly I found answers to all my problems!

    So I started my Nofap challenge on 1st December, now at 30 days, I feel so much better!! Starting from week 3 I started to have morning erections, which were strong enough to wake me up. Now I can also get a firm erection by stimulating my penis, although it will only last a few seconds unless I keep stimulating. I almost had a wet dream this morning, but I held back the urge to ejaculate the moment I woke up from the dream. Overall I feel more confident, more energetic and more social!

    I understand that it will take longer for younger guys to rewire their brains and reboot, but I’m up for the challenge, be it 6 months or 1 year, I’m determined to cure myself and live a better life! Happy new year everyone! I hope we will all realise the goals we set for 2015!

    [30 days nofap] severe ED since 17 and confused about my sexual oritation

  152. Be careful what you first masturbate to (beards)

    I began my fap journey as a 13-14yr old watching the old Grizzly Adams TV show. Any if you old enough know that a big bearded Dan Haggerty played the role. I was rubbing myself not even knowing what I was doing until orgasm hit and my world changed.

    From that day forward I was hooked on daily masturbation. I used photos of bearded men to masturbate with. Though I had no desire to be with the men, I was fascinated by the beard.

    I was a loner through High school too shy to be with girls, and too naive. I was perfectly satisfied in my world of fapping. This is long before the Internet. So it was magazine pictures of bearded men, not even nudes, as I didn’t care at all about the nude. I dreamed of being that bearded man, not with him.

    Once the Internet arrived and chat rooms entered I began talking to gay men about their beards as most straight guys were turned off by my questions. And that’s when I entered the gay world. I found out there was a whole subset of gay men into facial hair.

    By this time I was married to a gorgeous woman who had found out about my fetish. We thought it would be controllable. Little did I know how destructive masturbation would be to me and my marriage.

    I continued masturbating daily at least once if not multiple times, actually edging. I got so good at edging that I could bring myself to the edge for hours and have orgasms without actually coming. However when it came time for sex with my wife I was spent. It became drudgery to try and keep thoughts of the beard fetish in my mind while having sex with her. Though I loved her, my brain was trained to get hard looking at a beard not her body.

    This continued on until 2012 when she had had enough and divorced me after 20 years of marriage! I was devastated! Though I had tried to white knuckle and stop in the past, I was never successful. When she filed for divorce in October of 2012, I said enough was enough.

    I sought out a therapist who dealt in repairative therapy for guys who suffered from same sex attraction. That and my relationship with Jesus, I stopped masturbation on October 26, 2012. And on December 28 2012 was set free from same sex attraction.

    This leads me to this post. I still find beards fascinating, though they aren’t sexual and I have absolutely no desire to fap looking at them. However, every once in awhile, if I see a perfect beard, I get hard. I don’t have to think about not fapping as there’s no desire, but the erection still puzzles me. I am hoping for a reconciliation with my wife. And I have found myself dreaming of her body and waking up hard! Which never happened in the past.

    But my question for those of you with body part fetishes. I see beards everyday. I no longer snap a picture in my mind and carry it with me. But what’s with the erections? Sorry for the long post. I hope it helps someone.

    Fap free 2yrs 2months! Curious about fetish free

     

  153. This is how bad it can get: depraved confessions of an addict

    I imagine my story is similar to that of many others here, but I need to tell it all the same. I don’t know if it would be reassuring or depressing to know that others have gone as far as I have…

    I first found porn in the form of my best friend’s dad’s Penthouses when I was 11. I didn’t really get it yet, but I knew I liked looking at the naked women. It made me feel funny. I discovered masturbating when I was 13, and connecting the two followed almost immediately afterwards when I realized that this newfangled internet thing had more pictures of naked women on it than I had ever dreamed possible.

    But it was still the 90s, and downloading individual pictures covertly – without my parents noticing what I was using the family computer for – severely limited what I was able to see and how often I could see it. Later on, in high school, I would spend weekends at another friend’s house, where we often had the place to ourselves while his parents were out at the cottage. I would stay up until 5 or 6 in the morning masturbating while he slept and obsessively downloading anything and everything I could find. These were the days of Kazaa and Limewire, so the sudden availability of videos began to intensify my addiction, as well as the discovery of kinks and fetishes I never would have imagined without the internet to suggest them to me.

    When I think back on that era, I remember the intensity of it all. Masturbating for hours on end, until I’d literally rubbed my penis raw, and finishing with an orgasm that never lived up to the explosion I was expecting. Then I discovered that the second or third one could be even bigger, if I could only get past the shame-filled refractory period without cancelling whatever I was downloading when I came. By the fourth or fifth orgasm things would start to get more painful than pleasurable, and so I’d burn my downloaded treasure to a CD and sneak off to sleep for a few hours.

    The next deepening of my addiction happened when I went away to university and got high speed internet for the first time, as well as my very own computer. I began masturbating to porn almost every single day, often multiple times a day, and usually for an hour or more at a time. It’s safe to say that from the age of 19 onwards, almost every time I masturbated, there was porn involved. I missed classes because I was too busy jerking off. And things only got worse when I discovered that smoking pot would intensify the experience. And so that became the pattern: I would get high in the evenings and watch porn for hours. I would use being high as an excuse not to go out with friends; as soon as I lit that joint, it was Me Time, and what’s better than an orgasm when you’re high? The two went together beautifully and I only put up a token resistance.

    Fast forward a couple years and I was living on my own after graduation following a terrible breakup with the only serious girlfriend I’ve ever had. (In retrospect our relationship failed partially because of my porn addiction, though it would be years before I realized that.) I was depressed because of my minimum wage job and having to borrow money from my parents to pay rent. Porn was pretty much my life outside of work. I didn’t do much else in the evenings except get high and troll the internet looking for kinkier and freakier shit to get me off to distract me from how much I hated my life. I went through virtually every fetish you could imagine, each one more disgusting and perverted than the last. With the exception of violence and BDSM, which never did anything for me, there probably isn’t a fetish out there that I haven’t masturbated to at some point in my life.

    And then I hit rock bottom for the first time.

    Thanks to a brief misadventure one night into the world of 4chan – a hellish internet cesspool if there ever was one – I discovered a single post there that told me what to google to find out where all the child porn is hiding. How I wish I could go back in time and un-find it. With the familiar hunger in the pit of my stomach that accompanied the discovery of any new fetish, amplified about a million times by the sheer taboo-ness of what I was doing, I was helpless: I dove in.

    My first binge lasted only a single orgasm before I had a refractory period panic at the thought of what I was doing and at the consequences of such a horrendously stupid action. For a time I tried my best to forget about what I’d seen and swore up and down I’d never look at it again, but the lure of the internet’s dirtiest, kinkiest, most awful fetish was too strong to resist. I binged again, and this time it lasted for a couple of days before I repeated the panic/delete/repent process.

    Each time a binge occurred, I would agonize afterwards about whether I was a pedophile. I would cry myself to sleep over it, feeling like the scum of the Earth, like I was a fraud and a liar, unable to look friends in the eye and thinking the whole time, “If only you knew…”

    What I eventually realized, though, was that I didn’t have any sexual interest in children offline. It was porn that turned me on, sick and twisted porn, not kids! (Thank fuck!!) Fortunately, this also meant that over time it got boring, like any other of the hundreds of fetishes I’d gone through over the years, and the urge to look at it faded until willpower wasn’t even necessary. It’s been almost two years now since the last time.

    Ultimately, this was my wakeup call and the beginning of the realization that I had an addiction to porn that was going to destroy my entire life if I didn’t manage to control it.

    Another clue was my growing inability to have actual sex, with an actual woman. Over the last five years my erections had become steadily less impressive and even less reliable, which led to growing performance anxiety, and thus to more porn and less real life sex.

    I’ve been saying for some time that I need to give up porn, and now I’m finally committing to it. I got rid of the first major trigger three months ago by giving up pot completely (it had kind of lost its appeal as I got older anyways) and clearing the path to giving up porn. It’s now been more than two weeks since my last PMO, and I plan to extend that streak to the rest of my life. (I’m also doing a small nofap challenge at the same time to cure some bad death grip.)

    I had a frightening experience tonight, though, which is what led me to sit down here and write out this story. I have the house to myself right now – I live with roommates – and in the past that would have been a trigger in and of itself. It would have been an excuse for some Me Time, to light a joint and jerk off all night. And as I heard the door shut and realized I was alone, I could feel that old urge growing in the pit of my stomach. The strength of it disturbed me.

    I sat here and imagined what was going on in my brain: the dopamine receptors crying out for their fix, which they’d get from porn and pot. Somehow putting it in those terms helped. It put distance between me – the ego, the neocortex – and the reptilian pleasure-reward system, giving me a bird’s eye view of the traitorous processes inside my own head.

    And now it almost seems funny. It’s not me who wants the porn, it’s my malfunctioning dopamine system, and the only way to get rid of those urges is to reboot and start from scratch.

    So I’m going to go back, reset to factory defaults, and give myself the chance to have what I never got when I was younger: deep, intimate, passionate sex. The joy of connecting with another person that was stolen from me by my early introduction to internet porn.

    Somehow I’ll find a way to make peace with all the horrific, fucked up shit I saw in my 20s. As for the worst of it: I started making monthly donations to a children’s hospital last year as a way of doing some good to make up for the evil I participated in. Each time the charge shows up on my credit card statement, I reflect for a moment and tell myself: Never, ever again….

    tl;dr – Porn addiction made me see things that can never be unseen and go places no one

    This is how bad it can get: depraved confessions of an addict

  154. I thought I’m Bisexual for some time,

    I know whats going on, I have it my self, it’s fucking strange! I’m straight all my life, love female body, and yet I found my self watching traps, and slowly looking at gay porn, also had sickening anxious arousal to that, Its strange because watching guys kiss doesn’t do it for me… I thought I’m BI for some time, I went to /r/bisexual to talk to people and see what they think… some manage to stay straight and some don’t what ever happens accept your self even if you like the dick, seriously theirs nothing wrong about it, more then half the planet loves the dick! you could go there and maybe experiment…

    But from my experience the more I am rebooting the more I wanted to experience gay sex and the more acceptive I was to my sexuality, then after 2 months something changed I started to see dicks in my head less often and didn’t feel like wanting to experience gay stuff anymore, it seems like porn induced some kind of an association to dicks thought oral and anal sex scenes I were watching exclusively…

    From what I gather from soon to be 90 days, this can go to one of two ways, either you become a true bi-sexual or you stay straight without thinking of dick, even if you try to expirience gay stuff, that’s fine, no one cares if you didn’t like it, no one needs to know and your not gay or anything so chill, too many people bother with their sexuality, everyone are afraid to be something that is as if “wrong”, reboot and let’s see what’s going to happen –

    Link to comment

  155. I think NoFap is making me realize I’m gay and that scares me.

    I’ve had a couple long streaks on NoFap, and I think it’s opening up the realization to me that I might be gay. But honestly I’m too scared to try anything and I actually have a girlfriend right now. I really don’t know what to do at all. Has anyone been in this unique situation that could offer some help? Or any viewpoints would help.

    I think NoFap is making me realize I’m gay and that scares me.

  156. Due to my porn addiction, my sexuality was completely distorted

    LINK

    Dude! This is EXACTLY what happened to me. I’m 16 now and discovered PMO when I was 12/13. My extensive porn use lead me to the usage of gay porn to help me jack off, since I was completely de sensitized to vanilla straight porn, and then I started to think if I was bi or even gay. Little did I know, I associated the visual feeling of porn to real life, and because of my porn addiction, my sexuality was completely
    distorted.

    Looking at 2 weeks of nofap now, my highest streak being 21 days, I could literally jack off to the bare ass of a girl, (obviously I won’t), and that thought alone lets me know that my brain is re-wiring .. Because I knew from the start that i was always straight .. It’s just the porn, gay thoughts don’t mean anything if its associated with porn, you and I consciously understand that .. as /u/nofapsolute said, it is not a good idea diagnose your sexuality based on Porn, trust me.

    EDIT: this whole scenario of sexual distortion due to porn usage has a specific term in nofap, it is called HOCD, you can search it up. A lot of us are in the same boat

  157. Gay or Bisexual men doing NoFap?

    Hello. To make a long story short I am a closeted bisexual and extremely insecure about it. Nobody on this planet knows and this account is being used for the sole purpose of NoFap. I was wondering if there were any other Gay/Bi Nofappers because all the posts I see on the sub make it seem this is a mostly heterosexual community.

    I’d also just like to share how NoFap has helped me so far with understanding my sexuality.

    I began PMO at the age of 13, and I am now 19. When I began I thought I was 100% straight, but over the years I began realizing that some men made me feel the same way that women did. I gradually began watching more and more porn, some straight, some gay, almost to ‘test’ if I was really gay or bi. I came to the conclusion when I was 17 that I was bi, and to be completely honest I was scared shitless. I have never pursued anything with a man and never even dreamed about coming out. Unfortunately, it was hard for me to kick this habit of excessive porn use, and I found little success with women either. I am still a virgin and have kissed two women in my life. For a while, I felt guilty that I was bi because I thought the only reason I was bi was because I was just THAT horny. After beginning NoFap (over the past two months I’ve had 3 streaks of ~2 weeks) I have felt a lot more secure in my own sexuality. I still don’t see myself pursuing anything with a man for a long time, but my confidence around women and perception of myself has improved drastically.

    That’s about it. If you stuck around this long thanks for listening to my story. I appreciate it more than you could possibly understand.

    Gay or Bisexual men doing NoFap?

  158. my “gay” roommate tried NoFap and he is now straight.

    LINK

    I use to think people like you were narrow minded… Until my “gay” roommate (who had been gay for like two years) tried NoFap and he is now straight. Maybe he’s a special case, but you might be onto something….

  159. I thought I was bi but nofap has taught me that I really do find

    Yeah, I think that’s what an excessive addiction does. FYI, I’ve been on a couple streaks ranging from 3-7 days (i started 2 weeks ago) and I can already feel my tastes back to predominantly women, I’d say like 95%>.

    I could say that over the couple months, I thought I was bi but nofap has taught me that I really do find woman attractive and with males it’s more of an admiration than sexual attraction, if that makes sense.

    Like before nofap I would look at an attractive male and denying to myself thinking of him in any sexual manner, but since starting Nofap, I can appreciate that a male is attractive and not think of him sexually at all. IMO, there’s nothing wrong with that; there will always be better looking dudes than you (unless you’re some kind of male supermodel).

    TL;DR Giving up/ HEAVILY reducing porn/ excessive fapping will show you the light to your true sexuality. gl man

    LINK

  161. After my first nofap streak my attraction to men was stronger

    I’m bi. When I first came to accept that fact I thought my porn addiction might have something to do with it but after my first streak I realized my attraction to men was only getting stronger.

    Anyway let me tell you my story in hopes that you won’t repeat my mistakes. I had a very religious upbringing, so when I first found myself attracted to guys I was horrified. I went through a period of self loathing and told no one. I even tried to convince a gay friend that he should be straight because in my twisted thinking at the time I thought if HD were straight I could be too.

    Anyway it took me till I was 32 to accept myself as I am and another three years to tell anyone. Along the way I missed out on what I think could have been a beautiful relationship with an absolutely wonderful guy. (Yes, I’m married to a woman, happily, and still carrying a torch for a guy). I’ve also come to believe that trying to be straight and hiding the secret shame of being bi has contributed to my recurring struggles with depression over the years.

    Don’t try to hide from yourself or pretend to be something you’re not. It doesn’t work and leads to problems.

    LINK

  162. during a 120+ streak I am predominantly attracted to women

    I had some identity questions, especially when I was using porn a lot around college. I was more attracted to women, but wondered if I was bi.

    I have come to realize that most of that was from just the novelty of porn, and during a 120+ streak that I really am predominantly attracted to women. I still can appreciate guys and even be attracted to them occasionally but I am comfortable with my sexuality at this point.

    LINK

  163. Does nofap help with anxiety, ocd, etc?
    Does nofap help with anxiety, ocd, etc?

    Long story short: Addicted to PMO, few months ago started to have intrusive thoughts (gay, pedophile, violent thoughts, etc), though mostly sexual in nature. These thoughts give me really bad anxiety and cause horrible obsessional thinking (OCD, or more specifically Pure-O). Has anyone used nofap as a way for these thoughts to wither away? They are really annoying because deep down I know they are utterly absurd, but there’s constantly a part of my brain telling me that I’m wrong. Please help.

    zenmike

    My OCD has improved dramatically

    Klodion

    NoFap seems to help me with social anxiety, but it hasn’t had any noticable effect on my compulsive behaviours. I must say though that it’s hard not to think positively when you’re rocking a nice NoFap streak, and positivity often times is a wonderful tool for demolishing negative thoughts.

    Why not give NoFap a shot and find out for yourself? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    mrmacfarlane

    On my previous streak of 90 days, I actually cured my ocd better than what any medication was doing for me. I had severe ocd and pure-o, asking for reassurance from others and it was destroying my life. Brother, after a month of hardmode nofap and a strong will to not give in to the thoughts no matter how real and scary they feel, Slowly as each day passed by, the irrational thoughts and fears started fading away. PMO was my defence mechanism after so many years of using it to suppress all the stress and fears of life combined with the fucked up brain chemistry of an ocd mind, But nofap made PMO something I would not do, no matter what. This caused me to go through severe stages of stress and pain in the first few weeks because I had no other choice but to cope with my ocd with my own rational thinking and will. I made a point to go through the anxiety and embrace it. And, it slowly died away. I also believe our ocd is a result of us fapping away problems for so long and I also read some articles here about how it damages the brain and its anxiety response, making us stress over things that dont even exist.

    ..I no longer take medication. As I truly believe that nofap and a strong will to get through the pain of ocd is the best way to cure it for good. Stick to it for a month atleast and I assure you, its gonna go away. Its gonna be really really hard in the first few weeks, but nothing worth having comes easy.

     

  164. Blog comment

    “I am a member of Sex Addicts Anonymous. When I stopped watching gay porn and compulsively masturbating, my desire for men almost disappeared.

    Sex with my wife of 25 years is better than it has ever been, and I’m learning  to place sex in a healthier perspective, a pleasurable physical avenue for  emotional intimacy within a monogamous, loving relationship.

    My same sex attraction has not gone away. It’s lost its power to dominate my thoughts.  I just don’t think about it.”

  165. How does looking at other men’s penis in porn videos pounding gi

    It has too. Think about it, our ancestors and the way our brains evolved were not meant to see other men’s penises having sex with women or being sucker by another female. How does years of watching and being a voyeur to another man’s penis not wire arousal to penis? I think this is why so many people start doubting their sexuality because of porn and develop obsessions such as HOCD, while also feelings emasculated and developing anxiety.

    I know it has for me. Since I was a little kid all I could remember being attracted to was women. I never even thought twice about my sexual orientation until I hit 19. At that point I had already had 8 years of watching other dudes fuck girls under my belt from porn. I started to become less aroused by women and found myself having thoughts like “what if you like penis?” This freaked me out because I started actually believing the thoughts. Now I have HOCD and am bombarded every day with thoughts of me being penetrated, much like all the women I’ve seen from watching 8 years of porn. Is it really possible my brain can link sexual arousal like this? I’m starting to believe I’m turning gay even thought I’ve had sex with 15 girls, been in a relationship of 2 years, have only ever been aroused and kissed women only, only ever watched straight porn. Yet my mind is trying to tell me I’m gay. I have nothing wrong with gay people. I support them and believe they have their own right to love whomever. I just feel like my masculinity and my sexual orientation is so warped, distorted and starting to change that it’s freaking me out.

    Does anybody agree that watching other men have sex in porn year after year has subconsciously made me develop HOCD and the thoughts of being gay I am having?

    How does looking at other men’s penis in porn videos pounding girls not have a psychological impact?

     

  167. I’m gay, but I’ve been watching straight videos.
    I’m gay, but I’ve been watching straight videos.

    What’s up with that?

    Crusty_Dick [link no longer active]

    I’m straight but I would catch myself sometimes watching gay videos too. That’s when I knew how much porn has brought me into the deep waters. Like I would watch videos of guys jerking it and fantasize how it would be like if I was a girl and sucking them off. It’s some fucked up shit man.

    bigballsomar

    Don’t try to find logic or reason in porn. There’s plenty of “straight” porn focused on anal sex – a guy doing a girl in doggy style- but half the time the camera focuses on the guys balls swinging about, and on the guys ass cheeks and the guys asshole. Never understood that

    stalematewins

    I am straight but I have been watching gays, trannies midgets and all kinds of porn. That’s how u know u have escalated you have desensitized and u need stuff which u find shocking to turn u on.

     

  168. Porn addiction & homosexuality
    Porn addiction & homosexuality

    Before I continue into my own personal experiences into this controversial topic. I would personally like to state that I firmly believe that homosexuality as a whole is not caused by porn addiction. I firmly believe that men exist and are born with a preference to men, and I have no qualms about a person’s own sexual orientation.

    Now, I have always been attracted to women my entire life. Throughout my youth I always had crushes on women, I never once felt an emotional connection to another man; however, throughout my progression into my porn viewing habits as an adolescent, obviously I needed new material to maintain the same rush. I found myself viewing highly questionable content to maintain the same rush. Then came the personal encounters on craigslist because I wanted to reenact what I continually viewed on the internet. I slowly found myself fantasizing about sex with a man in order to seek the rush I was looking for. I slept with men on more than one occasion because of a developed fetish for semen that I sought to quell. More and more I sought encounters either 1 on 1 with a male or more preferably a couple with a bi male so I could take part with both.

    The question I’m trying to present is simply this:

    Does this community believe that porn might be able to influence confusion into one’s sexual orientation? Might porn have the power to convince one might swing the other way just because its a rush and its different?

    I’m not afraid of being gay, and I truly don’t believe that I am. While I was severely infatuated with the idea of a man’s genitalia, and the ejaculation that followed, I never found myself falling in love at first sight with a man. I never developed a crush or an infatuation. Those feelings only came from women. After 30 days of being free I have never been more attracted to the woman I am currently am dating now, and my homosexual tendencies have started to dissipate. In fact the very thought of engaging sexually with a man has become a rather repulsive thought.

    Has anyone had similar experiences?

    mrnatoo

    Yes I strongly believe that it can as you say the need to find more daring and intense ways to get off and for a guy it will often end up because on the one hand it will go against everything he is taught and naturally feels and as such presents the most extreme feeling to complete the need for a fix in his brain and is not as uncommon as you may think, but most will not take it to it’s real conclusion but will feel very insecure and question their sexuality and feelings for the opposite sex especially when they suffer PIED.

    MNK925

    PIED was definitely an issue that A. began to create my own personal impression that I was gay and B. convince me to give up porn to truly find out what my sexual orientation was.

    GolanSnyder

    I definitely think so, at least temporarily. I don’t believe you can fap for over a decade, be exposed to tens of thousands of erect penises and come out unscathed. Incidentally, the weekend before I decided to join NoFap was the first time I ever actually browsed a gay section of a website. When I realized what I was doing, I realized I’ve come too far. To be fair, though, I was fapping to traps like 5+ years prior, so by someone else’s standards I may have been well beyond the even horizon, lol.

    fappersam

    First off, I am gay, have known I have been gay since before I knew what the word was. Second, I do believe that porn influences and puts ideas in our heads and gets us to do things that we otherwise wouldn’t do (for me it was poppers and webcam shows). It’s ironic you’re straight and watched men; I’m gay and enjoyed straight porn because I loved watching the men too! Congratulations on your progress.

    FreedomManOfGlory

    So there you have it. You’re already experiencing the reversal of the changes caused by porn. Yeah, it’s pretty much mostly or only caused by porn. Just think of some of the other hardcore, really messed up stuff you’ve seen. Do you think you would be into that if you had never watched porn?

    Our brain is constantly looking for novelty and since everything gets boring over time it’s always looking for new, more intense stuff. Hence why people start watching more and more extreme stuff over time, stuff they feel repulsed by after they’ve jerked off to it. That repulsion is your natural reaction but of course if you keep watching that stuff over time it becomes normal as well so that feeling disappears.

    randomdewd99

    I think it’s important to realise that sexuality isn’t black and white. I remember reading about something which explained this, in that everyone, the vast majority is bi-sexual. Even if it’s only a tiny bit curious about the same sex, or opposite sex for people who identify as gay. I also remember hearing a trick ‘psychics’ use when doing readings. Its a statement that is ‘you used to question your sexuality while growing up’. This is something that really convinces people because almost everyone goes through it, but is to afraid to talk about it.

    I applaud you, and the others who’re addressing this point. I myself have been very confused about my sexuality (attracted to females my whole life but aroused by other types of porn) and it’s only recently I’m discovering this is pretty normal.

    Traumtropfen

    Porn has undoubtedly led me to fantasise about things that never interested me before, and that I lose interest in during NoFap streaks.

    GamerWithin

    I believe porn can change one’s sexsual personality. Thats only one of the problems that porn addiction brings.

    gab_astr95 [this user deleted their account in June 2021]

    Yes, I’m 20 and have been listening/watching to lots of “erotic hypno / sissy-hypno” for some time (maybe 2 years – “normal” P wasn’t enough anymore)… And it actually had an effect: I kept fantasizing a lot about male’s genitalia (but more attached to “girls” :/), even though I had not even thought about doing it for real…Really 0 attraction to guys! Now I’ve been on nofap for about 2-3 months and I still get some urges (and sometimes I relapse D:) to this kind of content/imagery/sensations… However maybe I have always been a little curious about other kind of stimulations, my ex-gf used to stimulate my prostate, sometimes, and it felt really good. Struggling but it is getting better and better 🙂

    archer3199

    I can remember one gay dude here on NoFap (who’s been gay all his life). He said porn made him watch straight sex, which was kinda fetish for him.

    tryinghardagain

    First of all, I love the way you have addressed a sensitive topic with care. I have found similar experiences in this area but it was limited to fantasizing and porn only, I hadn’t taken real action. I also agree that sexuality seems to be a spectrum and porn makes you swing wildly along the spectrum as you chase more and more novelty. Congrats on your progress.

    Tesla4sure

    Yes. I have seen these relatives who have all sorts of troubles in their heterosexual relationships. Invariably they claim to be sex addicts, hyper-sexual, bisexual, confused, free-spirits, experimental, and a slew of other descriptions and excuses to consume as much porn as possible while having as much sex as possible. Until it all crumbles.

    Like a drug addict, they do anything they can to defend their position, even when it is clear they are causing harm to themselves and others.

    Kusiemsk

    For me, years of porn addiction has given me severe intrusive thoughts and worsened my religious OCD. I have heard other anecdotes in this sub about regular PMO generating or worsening intrusive thoughts. Many of those intrusive thoughts were homosexual thoughts, and if I wanted to I know I could have pursued deep fantasies about it and enjoyed them. So I do think it’s quite possible porn addiction can lead to homosexual feelings or attractions which can in turn lead to homosexual acts, and these feelings or actions may in themselves create a positive feedback loop, leading you deeper into them.

    atifhere

    During childhood I was very close to getting raped by a pedophile, though he did some touching…

    After that incident I was purely disgusted by the thoughts of a male having sex with me. I never thought of the possibility of having sex with a male, now the pedophile have implanted such thoughts.

    After few days my mind couldn’t take the disgust anymore and to cope with it I started fantasizing about having sex with that pedophile or with another person. After some time I accidentally saw a gay porn video, I was still repulsed by the gay sex but in that video the actors were portraying a rape scene. I suddenly developed fetish to that video and would re-watch and fap to that video multiple times a day. Many years have been passed, and still after relapse I watch that video. However during a long noFap streak the fantasies of getting raped vanish away and that idea disgust me probably the same way as any straight man would feel about it. Only if there was noFap at that time or at least someone to counsel me, I would have then faced the reality instead of trying to escape it through porn

    KeepGoingSon

    You should read the post that I just made :D…it is long but it addresses this.

    My journey as a 21 year old male. Conquering porn addiction and changing my life.

     

  169. I’m a lesbian who thought she was bisexual

    Well, just try to avoid PMO and see how it goes. Just know, there’s no shame to being bisexual or gay if that’s what you really are. However, from what I’ve read, you appear to be straight.

    However, fetishes (especially those involved in your porn routine) don’t always reflect your actual sexual desires. I’m a lesbian who thought she was bisexual because I like guy on guy porn. Turns out, I don’t think I’d really enjoy being with a guy in real life. I also find myself less attracted to the idea of two men together as time goes on. Porn warps what you think is hot. The more extreme the porn is, the bigger reward you get via dopamine. You can be a vanilla heterosexual male, but if you let porn control you enough, you’ll be watching transexual midget clown porn in no time.

    If the idea of being homosexual is seriously causing you any mental anguish, you may want to look into the possibility of having HOCD, which is OCD with obsessions revolving around the idea you might be gay. Almost nobody suffering with this is actually a homosexual. It’s usually straight males who fear it so much that they start to believe it. I’d recommend seeing a therapist that specializes in OCD if you think this could be part of your issue.

    link to comment

     

  170. Hit rockbottom, had sex with a ts hooker

    My ex and I broke up 2 months ago and my nofap streak broke and I went straight back to ts porn, I never started out with that but I needed more and more extreme stuff to get off, a combination of my brain on porn and loneliness got me to visit a ts hooker and I regret it so much and the worst is that she pressured me into barebacking her so I might have aids now and have to get a soa/hiv test, I already threw up on the way back and I’m just contemplating ending it now. This is gonna haunt me forever and i can never undo it. I can’t fucking do this anymore, porn has fucked up my brain and i need help badly.

    Edit: thank you for all the support guys.

    Hit rockbottom, had sex with a ts hooker

  171. Porn made me think I was gay

    Hello, everyone. Let me start off by saying that I’ve been masturbating to porn for 8 years. Either it was once a day, twice a day, or more. I was one of those people that escalated to more and more extreme things. I’ve masturbated to gay things within the last few years, and it was only until two months ago my mind asked itself, “Am I gay?” This caused a lot of anxiety and OCD to happen. I still have this, but not to the degree I used to have it.

    If anyone’s experiencing something like this, my best advice would be to quit porn. I’ve fought off the anxiety by doing the thing that made me the most anxious; telling myself that I was gay. I forced myself to sit down and think about gay sexual thoughts. And yes, they aroused me a lot for the first week. But, in these recent 3 weeks, I’ve noticed these thoughts have become a LOT LESS arousing. I can still get aroused by them, but it takes effort. If you’re confused about who you are, you should ask yourself, “Did I ever have these feelings before watching porn?” As I sit here typing this, a little anxiety is hitting me. But a few weeks ago it was incredibly bad.

    I’d advise anyone who’s going through something similar to meditate, quit porn, and distract themselves with an activity. Also, don’t fight thoughts. Seriously, don’t.

    Porn made me think I was gay

  172. The longer I do NoFap, the more straight I become…?

    Hey all,

    So I have posted here before about my struggle and now things are a little different..

    In my latest streak, I noticed that I became viscerally attracted to women again, just like I remembered I was when I was a young kid before I discovered porn and gay porn at 12. It came around day 60 when I got these flood of my hetero attractions again and it’s like I was ONLY attracted to women, not even bisexual… it became difficult not to fap to images and videos featuring hot women

    Well naturally, I thought it was too good to be true and HOCD came creeping back and I kept looking at bi-coming out stories and stuff and checking and reassuring that I really was straight and I got anxious again, making me think “oh but I am still bi…” although my attractions to women came back WITHOUT investing in looking at porn featuring women, etc.

    Well I actually relapsed at day 91 because I had kept having this fantasies about women that were overwhelming to me and I loved that the attraction came back so I went ahead and stroked until ejaculation..

    Of course this left a chaser and I was by my computer and I felt like looking up gay porn just to test myself again and long story short, it aroused me after looking for a while and I relapsed again) and now I have the flood of HOCD again and feeling attracted to guys and arousal again that wasn’t there

    I know the answer seems simple – stop watching the porn, stop PMO-ing but I just hate how all it takes is one little drop to ruin my progress and return of what i feel are my natural desires… any thoughts?

    The longer I do NoFap, the more straight I become…?

    Pisces21

  173. My horrid porn addiction has caused a shift in sexuality

    I started off on Internet porn real young. Besides making out with a couple of girls, I never had sex. I’m 20 and two months ago I finally got laid but wasn’t fully erect. I found your brain on porn and realized I suffered from PIED. My addiction was so bad I used to watch insane amounts of it and sadly ventures of gay porn. I have never been attracted to men in my life, the actual act disgusts me. But with gay porn it was this new rush of excitement.

    I now suffer from HOCD, panicking that I may be bisexual. Again, I’ve only ever had crushes on girls and checked out girls. Guys have never crossed my mind until I became hooked on porn so bad, and even then, after I finished I was disgusted with it.

    Porn has ruined my sex drive and sexual orientation. I’m 37 days in and can only hope things will change.

    My horrid porn addiction has caused a shift in sexuality

  174. Did anyone question their sexual orientation after watching too
    Did anyone question their sexual orientation after watching too much porn? If so, did you end up switching your orientation or did you end up remaining the same orientation after stopping?

    I’m asking this question since I think porn has made me question my sexuality. I used to be a 100% straight male, however though after having a bad porn binge over the last few months, (read my previous post for more details) I’ve began to question my sexuality.

    I’ve read this usually happens to a lot of porn addicts, so I’m asking if anyone else has felt like this, and did you end up switching your sexual orientation or did you end up remaining the same orientation you were before after quitting porn. If you ended up remaining the same orientation, how long did it take you until you stopped questioning it?

    Thanks in advance! Any and all response are very much appreciated!

    TheFlacidM

    I did kinda. I’ve been looking at porn for close to 20 years and eventually started experimenting. I met women, other guys, and transsexuals and hooked up with them. I knew it wasn’t me because I could never see myself dating or being in a relationship with another man; it was all sexual and it was in phases. Sometimes I just wanted straight porn, sometimes the others. After 2 HIV scares it didn’t slow me down much. I have to say I was lucky after some of the stuff I did. I got a full STD and Hepatitis and came up clean and told myself I’m keeping it in my pants till I’m married. I’ve stuck to that, but I still kept looking at the porn. Now I’m working towards quitting that as well.

    nofapkelany

    Yeah, HOCD. It’s anxiety. There’s no logic or rationality during an anxiety attack, sometimes I freak out over the weirdest stupidest shit.

    I’ve never been attracted to men and never wanted to have sex with a man. But sometimes I get panic attacks that I might be gay. It’s weird. But it’s a real form of anxiety and like all anxiety attacks, it eventually subsides thankfully

    fredtheuser

    There are many guys who’ve gone down this road, in our quest for “new” we end up down some pretty weird roads.

    Dennis Prager writes in his book “Happiness is a Serious Problem” that we males have an insatiable desire to spread our seed to as many women as possible. Evolutionists and biologists explain this as our innate need to keep the species alive. Religious folk blame our fallen nature. The key for either argument is to realize it is INSATIABLE!! You can’t fill that need.

    Instead, we have to focus that energy into our hobbies or careers or families. That motor is what drives every civilization that figures it out.

    The_One_in_the_Bunk

    It didn’t change, but it did waver. I started to lean towards ladyboys, most likely because of the novelty. Also there was a time when I was really lonely and ripe for a cute guy to pick up. But yeah… still straight(ish). 😀

    Prismagraphist

    If you’re somewhat familiar with conditioning (Pavlov’s dog), you could see why your sexuality might be changing.

    (But let me be clear, I do believe people are born gay/bi. But I don’t think “trying something” is the same as being gay/bi.)

    Say you were to spray a scent in the air as you were masturbating. After some period of time when you smell that fragrance alone, you’re going to get turned on.

    Well… If you’re continually masturbating to certain body types, you’ll be more sexually responsive to that type, I think we can all agree with that.

    So if you’re consuming a considerable amount of porn, you might then start associating EVERYTHING you’re seeing with sexual arousal, including the dude’s body type or dick appearance. Don’t believe me? Have you switched a video because it had an ugly dude? I mean actually pulling up porn but switching it because the guy was unattractive, or something specifically because of the guy’s appearance. I’d venture if you weren’t 0% into guys, his appearance wouldn’t matter.

    It’s possible that a decade plus of beating your meat with somewhat attractive guys with monster dongs present in the video has conditioned you to be SOMEWHAT sexually attracted to them. Add in also that most people get bored by their regular genre type and explore others, you’re going to start becoming okay with more and more.

    I’m NOT saying all guys that watch porn will want to suck a dick or be mounted. I’m just saying the side effects of porn use are real.

    healingslowly1

    Its a very good question my friend. By the way im new this sub, im straight male but after years of porn i started watching tgirls doin girls porn and that my friend proof that it can mess your brain up. Im straight and i fighting my addiction.

    01xdollar

    That’s happened with me and lots of other people I know.

    The brain desires novelty to get the same level of pleasure from porn. Overtime, you have to venture into genres at types you wouldn’t have considered just to get the same charge. The cognitive dissonance that can create makes people question themselves. I did.

    Scientific studies suggest that, given enough time away from porn, your interests drift back to their actual natural state. However, those desires still hang around to an extent – they get wired in.

    If you feed it, it stays and demands more. If you starve it, it will whither.

    fckprawns

    I have wondered whether my same sex attraction would go away after stopping porn, so far it’s exactly the same. It’s something I’m comfortable with, I know I will only date women but hooking up with guys can be fun.

    seatint

    Yeah, I’ve definitely strained into the tgirl/shemale territory. I noticed though that in my mind I still identified them as female. I think that what happens is the dopamine reward you get from your regular porn starts to tapper off and not feel as exciting. So as a result, your brain starts to seek more taboo or “harder” types of porn to get the same thrill. Hence the shemale/bi/gay porn. At the end of the day I would not want to be in a relationship with anyone other than a female which gave me peace of mind over my sexuality. Am I %100 straight? No, I dont think anyone truly is. But the porn definitely lead to some strange alone times I’ve had.

    TristanJeremiah

    I thought I was Bisexual for a couple months and it confused me greatly. I think I had HOCD and it gave me anxiety attacks. For some reason, I was in denial about being Straight. It was very distressing.

    true_life

    I am a straight male. I’ve become curious a few times to watch porn that really had me questioning why the hell I was watching the type of porn I was watching.

    I think it was really out of a curiosity, though.

    After a few times watching that shit though, I think I’ve realized even more that I wasn’t anything other than a straight male. It’s easy to begin questioning sexuality when I’ve ventured into porn other than guy/girl porn but in looking back it was really just curiosity.

    The porn can make us do weird shit and think weird things, but I think at the end of the day it’s just the porn and not really who we really are.

    I know without a doubt I am 100% straight, and I just kinda cringe at thinking what the hell I was doing watching gay porn, but using porn can begin to escalate into bizarre behaviors for me. Which is more reason why I need to be porn free–to remain true to myself and what I believe.

  175. Sexuality change

    Tried NoFap but realised porn is the real problem. Stopped viewing it and it has been 4 weeks. Longest so far in the last 14 years of viewing frequent porn. I always watched gay porn but I begin to realise that my brain just liked the kinkiness of it all. Now I feel a bit emotionless but certainly feel that I am into women in real life.

    Hardest part of it all? I never dated anyone, no women no men, and didn’t try to impress anyone. Now it seems so difficult to impress a woman because I have never invested in that part of myself and feel fucking ugly. Trying to change it though.

    Sexuality change

  176. It’s porn yo. I’m solidly homosexual….

    It’s porn yo. I’m solidly homosexual, and as one commenter on here noted, I just always knew. When all the other boys starting talking about girls, I was clueless about them and was only noticing my boy friends in different ways. It’s hard wired, at least for me.

    But here’s the crazy ish. Years and years of too much PMO and I sort of kind of started to get interested in seeing straight porn. Scared the ever loving shit out of me (hahah). It was “taboo” and “unnatural” for me to be interested in, and therefore, was extra stimulating on a neurological level.

    Relax. You aren’t gay. And I’m not straight, PHEW. You just like novelty, like every other human being (and every other addict, especially).

    I’m 1 year and 5 days from last porn use, and I’m proud to say I haven’t thought about sex with a woman since LMAO.

    LINK TO COMMENT

  177. I used to be turned on by the idea of having my ass pounded. Not anymore and I’m not against gays or scared of being gay. I’ve got a really progressive family, friends and my cousin is gay and some of my friends too.

    So how did it go away? Well I tell you why it was there in the first place. I have small dick, made me feel less like a man, less masculine, less dominant. The inverse of that is feeling more submissive. Suddenly I didn’t want to be the man that pin down a girl, but I wanted to be the cute lil sissy that get my ass pounded by a dominant man.

    Once I realized my dick size shouldn’t validate me as a man. The gay thoughts went away.

    Link to post

  178. My therapist believes my porn addiction had a significant influence on my development of OCD.

    So I’ve been dealing with porn addiction since I was around 18. It became really problematic over the last 18 months. I began experience strange intrusive thoughts after masturbating and would have brain fog for a while afterwards. It even led me to masturbate to things that were at odds with my morals (nothing illegal) which I was more or less able to stop on my own during my addiction.

    However, eventually I began masturbating for 2-3 hours at a time and even when I moved in to a new place with my girlfriend I couldn’t help it, waiting for her to go to work so I could get stoned and masturbate for hours on end. Eventually it all came to a head when my brain literally broke. All the shit I’d stopped masturbating to that I didn’t agree with was ringing in my head demanding my guilt.

    I finally got somewhat of a confirmation from my therapist. I never believed I had an addiction, but after I relapsed a handful of times and experienced how much worse that made the thoughts, yet I still fell back into the trend of escalating my tastes, I finally accepted that this wasn’t me just being a lad who liked porn and who deserved to be able to do things he likes in life. During my last relapse it took me three days to go from watching vanilla porn, to joining one of those weird discord chat things where you masturbate with other people, and I was masturbating with other people to trans porn. A gender I’d never even vaguely considered part of my sexual orientation 3 days prior.

    It took me falling down this deep to realise just how much my addiction had damaged me. I guess the reason I’m writing this is for anyone else experiencing minor intrusive thoughts and wondering whether it’s a big deal or not. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Acknowledge the problem as soon as you can.

  179. Can porn give you gay feelings? – by throwaway09856893929

    I am addicted to PMO but who here isn’t? I watch all types of porn depending on my mood. I started vanilla went deeper and deeper and ended up in gay porn. I’m not attracted to men outside of porn, I’m just wondering if maybe I’m hiding some type of bisexuality or if I just fell so deep down the rabbit hole that nothing else will do it for me anymore. I have a girlfriend who is beautiful and amazing and really supportive of me. I don’t ever plan on leaving her nor do I ever think about guys outside of porn. So now I’m confused does anyone have any experience with this?

    Mithan1 [account no longer available]

    No, you are not gay because you ended up in gay porn. What happens is you get desensitized and need to be stimulated with new images to get the same old feeling. Your mind essentially builds up a tolerance to the “same old thing”. You could even find yourself watching people screwing goats to get your load off, that doesn’t mean you want to screw goats, it just means there is more stimulus there for your brain.

    Benfelz

    Can the opposite be true? Through my whole life I’ve been 100% attracted to females but after fapping too much it’s probably ED but I’m afraid it’s me slowly turning from straight to gay. Is that possible

    OvercomerRev1211__

    It’s exactly what the above answer says. I’ve been to all kinds of fetishes and horrible things that I was disgusted by one point, and then later I couldn’t even get aroused by anything but that. Then that was boring and I was headlong into something else. It doesn’t mean you’re turning gay, your brain is just needing an unfamiliar high to be affected because of how inundated with normal porn you’ve been. It’s like an alcoholic drinking beer all day to the point that it doesn’t affect them, then it’s hard liquor, then it’s a LOT of hard liquor. Then one day their giving themselves an enema of alcohol up the other end. The different fetishes are just our way of switching alcohols.

    super_mental

    Yes porn can corrupt your mind in that way. you continuously need more and more stimulation which includes watching new fetishes and being turned on in different ways because then you’re stimulated more. trans porn has grown popular for that very reason. much easier to trick your brain when the guy is submissive and has tits and makeup on. you’re not gay, just be patient and continue no fap. Release the guilt and shame as well, it won’t help.

    Rando4412

    The quest for more dopamine gets you into places you’d never think of.

    It’s not you.

    You just needed something stronger to satisfy whatever urge you were vibing on at that moment.

    For example; I imagine gay porn deals with Dom/Sub stuff. One dude is clearly the top and the other is the bottom. So if Dom/Sub porn is your cup of tea then you may have just gotten off to that part of it. Not the part that’s man on man.

    But your brain is always having a negativity bias so it’s likely you’re getting paranoid that you watched and enjoyed gay porn. Likely your mind glosses over the fact that you might have enjoyed it for the kink (in this example Dom/Sub) and just yells at you “THATS IT YOURE GAY NOW!”

    I don’t think I need to say this but I will. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. OP just said he never had gay thoughts in his life so that’s why I’m explaining it to him like this.

    I’m sure if you were gay you’d have a feeling by now.

    StrugglingAddict2018

    Yeah, I know what you are talking about. It can mess with you. Part of it might be that being into porn long enough gets you horny seeing sexual stuff in general. Like how a straight person might be turned on seeing a picture of someone of the same sex naked not because they’re attracted to that person but because they recognize the lack of clothing as a sexual thing. I might just be guessing but does that sound like it describes your experiences?

    vialent

    Your sexuality has very little to do with this.

    You just feel like you want the dopamine. Feeling like what you are doing is wrong is going to make that easier.

    It’s also possible that you like entertaining the idea. It would be a very different life and that can always feel enticing when you think you’re unhappy or low.

    FacelessSpy

    Probably not, it’s a result of escalation you need more novel stuff to give you the same high. You should be find so long as you abstain from PMO

    tvercetti1980s

    Yes, give up porn ASAP and you’ll feel your normal “straight” self

    Markimonius

    Here is a comment I left on another user’s similar post a while ago. I myself have experienced this before.

    First of all, you might actually be gay and that’s perfectly fine and you’ll have to discover that on your own and accept who you are.

    It’s called homosexual obsessive-compulsive disorder (HOCD) or sexual-orientation OCD (SOCD).

    This happens because people eventually need new and exciting things to watch and seek out homosexual porn or transgender porn etc. to satisfy the novelty demanded by the brain. That vanilla stuff just doesn’t cut it anymore. It makes the person question their sexual orientation because of what they are watching, thinking that they prefer it because of their (false) sexual orientation.

    The good news is, you’re in the right place to recover. Quit porn for good and see the results for themselves.

    freedomfromfear7

    Porn can make you attracted to a lot of things over time as you escalate to more intense forms of visual stimuli. Fortunately It is said that with rebooting those attractions should also die off. If I were to guess then i would say that you’re not gay, if you were then you would have been attracted to guys before you started watching porn, I’ve struggled with similar issues as well.

    newmenorean

    Can you imagine yourself kissing a man? Not a trans or very feminine man, but like a good looking male model?

    If not, then I’d wager it’s almost definitely just a porn/novelty seeking thing.

    If so, then you’re probably bisexual.

    If you love your girlfriend and desire her sexually, you’re not gay. Unless you think you’re repressing your true feelings. But don’t let anyone convince you how you truly feel. That’s something you have to dig for in yourself.

    As much as I think the whole LGBT thing has gone completely off the rails, they’re right in that you can’t really control who you’re attracted to. It’s ok if a healthy person is attracted to a healthy person of the same sex. I think there’s more dissociative and sexual escapism/impulsive stuff tied up in a lot of homosexual attraction than the LGBT crowd wants to admit, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t such a thing as healthy homosexual feelings.

    Abstain for a while and let whatever feelings come, come. You don’t need to act on them if you don’t want to if they persist, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed about them either. But definitely don’t jump to any conclusions until you let the novelty seeking/overstimulation effects of escalating porn subside. If these are new feelings for you, I’m guessing you had a normal pubescence/got very excited by fairly tame girl stuff. Unless you’re middle age (maybe even then, idk), a lot of that same experience will surge back if you abstain long enough.

    weex_gune

    Porn can corrupt what you believe about your own sexuality. Not to push any buttons, but I have friends who adamantly believe (and I share suspicion) that the increase in porn is what caused sexuality and especially being transgender to be such a big deal.

    Edit: I have friends who are gay who claim themselves that porn is what influenced them, especially since they started young, it’s not just an un-based ramble.

    walkinfatih

    I think it can get you desensitized to straight sex and look at more disgusting stuff to get your fix

    Steamzombie

    Gay and bi are just words. You can use them to describe how you feel or to figure yourself out, but they’re pretty broad categories. Sexual orientation is a bit more nuanced than gay, straight, bi and ace. Like what about heterosexual transattracted? What about the distinction between 50/50 bi and 95/5 bi?

    If you’re looking for a label to describe yourself, you can use bicurious or heteroflexible if you think they apply. Or just stick with straight if you think straight people can have a little gay porn, as a treat.

    As for the title, yeah, porn can give you new kinks in your quest for new stimuli. Including things you wouldn’t like irl or find repulsive when post nut clarity hits. Your monkey brain loves novelty, especially when flooded with dopamine.

    If you don’t want to go down the rabbit hole of developing a kink, don’t indulge. If you do, you risk growing it.

    deep_muff_diver_[This account is no longer available]

    inb4 the LGBTQ brigade: it can happen the other way also where you are gay and develop heterosexual tastes in exclusively porn.

    Bruhtha

    Yes!!! I used to be turned on by gay porn but I’m 4 days into nofap and already I have found gay porn to be pretty repulsive.

    mindifipraisethelord

    yea lmao. im getting confused with my sexuality when i buried myself in porn but when i started nofap everything starting to clear up

    Sogeking_

    I experienced exactly the same thing, porn is corrupting our mind, I am on day 4 and this post remind me why I am doing this. Good luck

     

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