How do I know when I'm back to normal?
There's no simplistic answer for this, as goals differ for each person. Common goals include: return of healthy erections, normalizing libido, diminishing of porn-induced fetishes, reversal of porn-induced sexual tastes, managing cravings, etc.
When asked, this man created his list:
- You can masturbate without escalation, that is, without a strong chaser effect.
- Cravings are manageable.
- Intercourse with a partner feels fantastic (Note: You may have a bit of PE or DE at first.)
- You feel like connecting with others.
- Kissing causes mild (or strong) erections.
- You feel like flirting with potential mates, who look a lot more attractive.
- You are getting morning wood (or "semis") frequently. However, see notes below.
- Semen leakage (if any) has stopped.
- More joy out of life.
- For those who developed ED, ideally you can often masturbate with a rock solid erection to orgasm without porn, or porn fantasy. See When do I test?
- Flashbacks change (in some guys). One guy said, "As time goes on, the flashbacks are from earlier and earlier porn experiences. Many that I had completely forgotten. It's like peeling back the layers."
Here is a list of indicators that I have seen many people go through as a result of NoFap and NoPorn. Keep in mind that these signs are usually seen at their strongest after the flatline period.
1.Morning wood or wet dreams occur and continue until eventually fading.
2.You can masturbate without having strong urges in the following days.
3.Your flaccid size hangs lower.
4.Semen leakage or pre-cum happens less or not at all.
5.Porn-Induced ED, Delayed Ejaculation, or Premature Ejaculation symptoms become less and eventually fade.
1.Your perception of women will change into a healthier form.
2.Flashbacks to porn scenes will eventually fade and become rare.
3.Cravings may never go away, but with time they will become manageable.
4.The "little things" in life will become more enjoyable.
5.Real sex will become more enjoyable.
Note to guys who didn't have sex with partners before they got hooked into high-speed Internet porn:
Have a look at Started on Internet porn and my reboot (ED) is taking too long. Even after your reboot (i.e., after your brain has returned to increased sensitivity), you may find that orgasm without porn will be less intense than porn-induced orgasm was. This is because you can't edge to multiple visuals to build things up. That's okay, because the less intense the orgasm, the less the hangover. (The higher your dopamine goes, the more likely your brain is to down-regulate afterward for a while, leaving you restless and hungry for more stimulation - the "chaser.")
However, great orgasms are in your future. You'll just have learn how to create them with a partner. That way you get a lot of other neurochemical pleasure chemicals and the experience is ecstatic, but in a slightly different way. The result is also more deeply satisfying...once your brain wires to the new option. Be patient, and do your best to connect with real partners instead of trying to satisfy yourself on your own. It's best not to test until you are a couple/few months into the process. Here's a test a guy performed on day 120. Here's advice from a guy who went through this:
What you're likely wondering is, "For the love of god does the ED get better or am I torturing myself for no reason?!" I wondered that too. The answer is 'kind of' then 'Yes!' What you're going to experience likely is once you do engage in sex your brain is like "What the hell?" and is not used to actual sex as its primary way of being sexual. That's the "rewiring" process. You also will be re-sensitizing yourself to actual sex. Death-grip masturbating sound familiar? I did it too. Sex is nowhere close to that and that's a good thing because sex after reboot and rewire feels WAY BETTER. Can't even describe it in words.
So there will be a rewiring process where you may sputter and have a few backfires but eventually you fire on all cylinders. Now? Zero ED, I don't even have to think about. In fact I can think to myself "Man I hope my erection doesn't go down. Wow, it's still not going down and I'm not even focused on sex, wow, yep...still there..........yep".
A clear sign of libido getting back, at least for me and I have seen many other write it as well, is that your flaccid size is starting to grow and morning wood is coming back regularly. You will start to feel hornier.
Hangovers after masturbation or sex
Some guys notice a neurochemical hangover after orgasm for a while, so be patient:
I would go through 56 days of no PMO and, then, after I masturbated, I would feel off: empty, anxious, numbed out. But guess what? After these 6 months of no porn I can finally say I don't have to worry about mild/random depression anymore. A little brain fog is my only symptom now.
One huge point to note is that between day 14 to 60 if i had sex i would feel really drained and the social anxieties would being to take root again. However, now sex is more of a intimate experience and leaves me feeling pleasantly refreshed afterwards. 127 days - sex no longer drains me, social anxiety improved
Real libido versus addiction-related cravings
A main goal of rebooting is to recognize the difference between cravings arising from problematid porn use and your true libido. The following account explains it well:
I'm about to complete 6 weeks of no PMO at all. I think i'm finally, slowly getting out of the "flatline" that was really consistent through the last weeks. When I first tried to quit, I remember very strong urges to masturbate to porn, but I knew that if I did it, I would certainly cum without even acquire an erection. That's exactly what happened in my first relapse. Now, I can assure you guys that what you feel about masturbating to porn is not your real libido, it's merely an addiction.
My true libido started to come back about 5 days ago. It's very different from what I felt about PMO. I remember being in the bed with my girlfriend about 4 weeks ago, kissing and fondling, and though my mind knew she was there with me and that I SHOULD be excited, my body, specially my penis, did not respond. At best, I would acquire a ~20% erection, just for some brief moments. But yesterday, kissing and fondling with her made me feel like my entire body was horny, and my penis is progressively responding more and more. My erections are now about 70%, only from kissing and fondling. And lasting about twice more than they used to. And the best part, after getting home from yesterday, I was feeling a little horny, and for the very first time in years, I was really not feeling like masturbating to porn because of that. It was horniness for the real thing. I think I got to a point where I would not fail (at least not completely) in case of sexual intercourse. Still, I want to wait more because I know i'm not 100% yet.
Another guy on the effects of quitting on libido:
Integrated horniness that does not go away. You will realize that after watching porn for 11 years, that the horniness you thought you had - the weak dick horniness - wasn't horniness at all. It was a superficial and artificial horniness you created in your mind because of the addiction to fap. This horniness you will acquire a while after quitting is the source, is the root, of male horniness that every male should have. I am talking about heavy breathing when you see a hot girl and your heart pounding hard. http://yourbrainonporn.com/age-24-harder-longer-lasting-erections-strong...
I believe that during NoFap you have a latent kind of sexual energy. Although it may not be manifesting at every waking hour of the day, like when I was watching porn or during the manic phase, I noticed that I would (and still do today) feel extremely energized by sexual tension when it is presented to me, yet don’t when it’s not. I’m on when I should be, and vice versa. Age 25 - Not unicorn and rainbows, but the grass is definitely greener
The first, and most massive thing that I've noticed through my time doing PornFree, is that I'm simply not fapping as much. As I've said previously, I used to PMO around two or three times a day, but now it has staggeringly dropped to around two or three times a week. I figured this is mainly due to the fact that I would usually watch porn whilst bored at home, but if you cut out the porn there is no real desire to fap.
Before nofap, for me sex was the "water" to a "sexual thirst" i was urged by, now this is still the case sometimes, but mainly sex is now something I just have fun with. I often sleep with my gf not because I am horny but because I am playful, and by playing I get horny. I do not have the feeling anymore that I only have to fuck because I have urges, but because I just like it - but that is only possible if you can enjoy it without anxiety.
The main difference to my sexuality before nofap and now is, I think, that when I watched porn it was more plain, more obvious and more urgent. Now it is more subtle but my "inner sense" for it, which to develope takes time, makes it muuch more sensational. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2uivqg/how_i_beat_pied/co8wsa7
The urge to watch porn, or to masturbate, are not expressions of a healthy, natural sexual instinct but an expression of dopamine-addiction. Natural sexual demands are never painful, never violent and not hard to resist. They are pleasant, mild and free from perversion. That violent urge and acute need of orgasm is no more a natural demand than the thirst of the drunkard is a natural demand for liquids. Please remember this, because when you finally feel the expressions of a normal, healthy sex drive, it will be of a character you probably never ever experienced before, if you have masturbated the larger part of your life.
Please remember this, the sexual instinct is nothing you must control for the rest of your life. When you finally break free from this addiction, your brain starts to recover, and this can take some time, but when the brain is restored to its pristine state, then your sex drive will be normal and healthy again. Normal instincts need not to be fought against, controlled or resisted. They are simply there and they never bother you.
Remember this - because it shows in what areas you're addicted. Do you get sudden hits of violent thirst, so that you just have to drink four litres of soft drinks in a minute? Well I can tell you, that is not a normal, natural sense of thirst born of the physiological need for water. That is addiction.
Do you get this violent craving for junk food? It is not hunger, it is toxic hunger. Natural hunger is felt in the upper throat and not in the stomach. It is a pleasant, tingling feeling and the hungry person does not want to swallow his food in a rush, but to masticate it properly and feel its taste. It is not a violent, acute need to fill the stomach as quick as possible, but to nourish oneself, and the more mastication, the more nourishment.
All those painful, violent cravings and urges that demands instant gratification is never natural and normal expressions of natural instincts and demands, but always, no exceptions, cravings that are born out of addictive and unnatural cycles. You do better resisting them.
[I had 6-7 wet dreams during my first 90 days.] The first few were very explicit and woke me up feeling I had relapsed. My brain seems to have rewired to the point where the most recent ones are much more toned down. 90 days - My words and smile are so easy now. I am comfortable with who I am
Erotica and solo sex may be even less appealing than the real deal (sex):
My penis has belatedly cottoned on to the fact my wife's hand is different to my own. When I touch myself, the response is increasingly one of indifference. I can labour away for a while, and get some result, but by then my mind has usually wandered. Overall, the allure of self stimulation has dissipated. It isn't that I don't think of doing it; it is more that I don't feel like acting on that thought, or if I do, that I don't get much out of it. It's okay, but not that good. A bit like snacking between meals. One point of interest is that any masturbation I do indulge in is strictly non ejaculatory.
I still like erotica, but it doesn't arouse me in the way it once did. I don't think this is a case of over exposure. It is more of a resigned realisation that two dimensions, while titivating, are hardly a substitute for three.
My desire to masturbate has decreased as well, when it was once every day or every other day, now i may get the urge like maybe once a week or every other week which is big. Finally not only does sex feel ten times better than masturbating but i'm enjoying life more, im no longer worried I'll be a forty year old loser masturbating to porn of these fake looking girls with none of my own. Age 20 - ED: not only does sex feel ten times better than masturbating, i'm enjoying life more
Another guy responded to a forum member's concern about "flatlining":
Don't concern yourself; it will pass. I have found through my own experience that one's brain & body needs time to adjust to the new wiring (so to speak)and the time it takes to regain one's libido will vary from person to person. My libido went missing on and off for 6 months. Yet when it returned, it was different in that it was a more wholesome libido. The desire for porn perving and sexually staring at woman dissappeared completly. Keep going. Don't worry & know in the long run your life-changing choice will bear fruit.
Worried about PE now that you've rebooted?
Here's an interesting thread where guys who have rebooted mention that their erections stick around after ejaculating, and orgasms are more pleasurable, so PE is more of a "feature" than a "bug."
(Day 42) I now have some PE, but it isn't so bad. The first time, I was a proverbial minute man, and no, I did NOT lose my erection after orgasm. I thought we would need some fooling around before round 2, but after a few minutes, I said I'm good to go and so, we went! Weird and very cool!
Spontaneous erections - "What if I'm in a flatline?" (and other self-reports)
As you recover, you may have occasional spontaneous erections or partial erections (somewhat age dependent). Here's what some guys with long-term, sluggish erections said about spontaneous erections vs. erections with partners:
- For everyone wanting to know how I knew I was ready to have sex, the first thing I'll say is not to worry about the spontaneous erections. Especially if you're like me and wired your brain up to porn for years and years before you had any encounters with girls, you probably wont get any. What tipped me off was getting an erection to an ACTUAL POSSIBILITY of sex. My brain wasn't looking at all these hot girls and giving me and erection because there was no need for it. But when I engaged in some dirty texting, all of a sudden my penis started to move. This was a consistent effect. Even today, I was texting a girl, nothing overtly sexual, just the suspicion that she was flirting with me. And there was life downstairs. I never got a full erection, but then again I didn't need one! And it was ready when I did need one.
- You can have no morning woods and no spontaneous erections and still get rock hard when you're intimate with a woman.
- There's often no good way to really know your progress without being with a partner. There is no substitution for the real thing. I have had several occasions with my wife where I didn't "feel it" physically speaking, but when we started touching and kissing...BINGO, erection. The mind is complex and there are other chemicals released with a partner that aren't with Rosey Palm.
- Spontaneous erections might be a sign, but I'm not sure if they are a real sign. You don't have to walk around with a boner in order to feel things will work out. Last week, for example, I hadn't seen my girlfriend for a couple of days. I had no spontaneous erections during that time. Given my old troubles, I even worried a bit... Was I losing it again? But when I saw her everything was just fine. Her touch and smell totally turned me on and the penis worked.
- I was worried, because I was flatlining, and I didn't want any issues with her. Sure enough, we fooled around and I couldn't get hard. I made a point to eat the snatch for ages to make up for it. Now, women will be offended if they can't get a guy off, and she made that clear with her repetitions of how she wanted to, so I finally killed the mood momentarily and explained what I was doing (NoFap). I didn't give her the name of NoFap or explain anything else--and I made my count longer so she wouldn't be offended--but here's the beauty: she accepted it! She gave me my time and after a little while, I was so ready to go and that she got me off 3 times, and we were both happy.
- Throughout my reboot I've hardly had good morning wood, but I've noticed great improvements in sustaining an erection with a REAL woman. Don't worry too much about what happens in the morning, because what happens at night is most important!
- (Age 21) I didn't have spontaneous erections at all before meeting this girl [he had just had sex for the first time, quite successfully]. I'd get a tingly sensation down there sometimes, but that's it. AFTER having sex though, I get erections just holding her sometimes. Even just looking at her gets me going. So anyone worried about that, don't get too freaked out. I think some of us are just built differently and need an actual girl to really jump start the libido back to life.
- I have experienced many ups and downs. Flatlines and Wetdreams being some of the most mystifying. I had wetdreams weekly, at random. I saw this as my body trying to continue it's previous ejaculation patterns of 1-3x / week. Over time the occurrences became less frequent. After about 8 weeks, my sexual craving had come to a calming stand still. Flat line was my fear. I was worried that My libido had dropped even lower. It wasn't until I had my first sexual encounter (8-10 weeks from start) that I realized I was more sexually charged than ever, and have yet to experience ED since. It's fascinating. What I had interpreted as 'flatlines' was actually a redirection of energy. As if my body was giving up on sending energy to sexual craving and redirecting it toward other things I felt were more relevant in the moment. I was able to focus on my studies, art, and diet with much higher intensity and determination.
- I thought I was low in the libido department about a year ago. I had been separated from a long term marriage and emotionally devastated. I tried porn but was quickly tired of it. Then along came a woman into my life, and after talking to her on the phone a few times, I would wake up with an erection. When we had our first date, we kissed and I remember getting an instant erection. I think our libido is supposed to respond to "real life" situations with a woman; not necessarily without, or just be blowing in the wind.
- The random horniness and random erections we experience in the teenage years don't necessarily persist into adulthood. You may find that once you stop masturbating and/or stimulating yourself, after a few days things calm down, and any random erections you get are either in your sleep or when you start getting intimate with someone. The rest of the time there is very little activity. Years ago, Eddie Murphy had a skit in his Delirious video in which he described the frustration of the 18-year old male who has not had much sex but experiences extreme horniness and random erections, vs. being an adult in his twenties, when he felt more in control, and was having more real sex:Plus you don't have no dick control when you're 18 ! Ever been sitting around when you was young man, just sitting in class, your dick gets hard for nothing ? You be just sitting there and your dick's here: "What's going on out there?"I can't know for sure if this is the same for everyone, but I didn't notice this change as I passed into adulthood because if I wasn't in a relationship, I would be fantasizing and masturbating at least every few days. I still thought I had the out of control urges of an 18-year old. It was only when I stopped cold turkey, that I realized that things were different.
- I had a long history of performance anxiety. Then I rebooted for 90 days. I didn't have any definite signs that I had recovered. My wife and I went on vacation soon afterward...and had sex for four days straight...for the first time in years. I can only recommend connecting with a nice woman. I know it's hard to contemplate when you're in doubt of your abilities, but it just may have to happen that way. You MUST get yourself in a situation where you can fool around with a woman with no expectations of intercourse, so there's no performance pressure.
- I don't have a raging libido, consistent spontaneous erections (1 to note), consistent morning wood ( about 50% of the nights), wet dreams, or any of that really. I just feel what I can describe as a positive charge deep inside me. Almost like the gravity I was describing a few posts ago. Just a natural energy that harnesses desire basically. Not to look at something, but to feel something (not my hand). A very intriguing feeling. This is libido. Will it get even better? We will see. But after 80 days of patience and frustration, god damn, I am certainly breaking through the long drought of no improvements whatsoever.
- As soon as you focus on your own pleasure and get the fact that this isn't about performance, the anxiety goes away. I realized my penis isn't under my control at all. So I simply focus on my own pleasure. And avoiding porn and masturbation with this took all the anxiety away and it is no longer a concern. It works!
- As I mentioned earlier I thought I had neuropathy or something from my diabetes 2...wasn't the case. By month 4 normal erections had returned. What had been not just a flaccid penis most of the time, but actually seemed to be shrunken or "retreating" into myself, returned with a healthy vigor. Even just sitting around I could feel that strange "twinge" in my penis, where it would get a little bit more blood and then go back to normal. (hard to explain past that) These had all but stopped before my journey.
- DEC 2012, I fell in love with my fiancee. When I found her, we both knew we were made for each other. I was so anxious and thinking of my ability to perform and satisfy her. Early in our relationship, I would sleep with her, and let her think it is too early for both of us to have sex. I was stressed from my past ED. She was amazingly patient. I started rebooting. I stopped porn and masturbation at the same time. My ED was so bad. I was anxious and could still get it up to the porn. But she was patient. I went through some flatline. Then, when I started noticing some morning wood I tried to have sex but that was a failure. I failed twice. But within 30 days I started noticing some erection while kissing her. Then I tried sex and it was amazing. We have now a beautiful sex life (May of 2013).
- I'm at 100+ days no PMO and I've been spending some time with a great girl. The almost all of this reboot I've been in a flatline - while my morning woods have slowly been getting harder and increasing in frequency, I've still had very little libido and zero spontaneous erections. About 7 days ago I spent a comfortable, relaxed night with a girl that seemed to have reawakened something in! We kissed, cuddled and did some touching all with clothes on. It was an amazing feeling - I've been feeling an increase in libido and healthy sexual perspective on women since! I'm definitely still not recovered - my erections aren't hard enough yet, and I'm pretty sure I couldn't have successful sex, but I just wanted to write because I really, really, really think that kissing, cuddling and being intimate without orgasming can accelerate your reboot by leagues.
- Before I stopped masturbating I didn't have morning wood for a good year. I can't explain why but now I get them again.
Here's one man's account at 90 days (age 34):
So it has been the full 90 days and then some, so I just wanted to update since 3 months seems to be the average amount of time to fully reboot, from what I've seen. And, well...everything is perfect. I can honestly say that I've never had a stronger or healthier libido. I am more sensitive than I've ever been down there, and like another gentleman wrote on YBOP, sometimes I actually have to concentrate on NOT getting a hard-on. Seriously. This whole thing is rather unbelievable. I actually began MO every few days and that's just perfect for me. It all feels very natural and healthy. And I certainly don't do it just for the hell of it or because I'm bored. It's only when the urge truly strikes me and when it would in no way interfere with any other part of my life. For me, abstaining for a period of time was not only necessary to reboot, but also to teach myself some serious self-discipline in this area. It's funny how much we obsess over this. We worry, freak out, feel like complete s**t, and we read and write volumes about how this problem is seriously f**king up our lives. Yet, the solution is very simple. We really couldn't ask for anything more. Yes, 3 months is a long time if you spend it inside of your head worrying like mad. So get a hobby. Get something to keep your mind occupied in another way. You have to take that option away from your brain. So...that's that. A few facts:
- This is 110% fixable*
- It will likely be one of the most difficult things you've ever done
- If you ever want a normal sex life again, you kinda don't have another choice.
WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF FIXING THIS. SO FIX IT. *I say this b/c I do feel about 10% better than I ever have @ my best!
First sex after a reboot
Another guy gave this report at day 80:
It's really cool how I can go days with what must be a normal libido, in other words not overly horny but aware that I could get horny if in contact with my wife. And, not "fake horny" either - that weird compulsive urge to find porn and masturbate even though so many other great things could be done instead. I don't seem to have very much chaser now when I have an orgasm with my wife.
Mastubated and no negative effects
12/12/12 I ended a 102 day streak by choice, I had been through a full 90 day reboot, hard mode, I wanted to try and re-introduce masturbation into my life in a controlled way - absolutely no external stimuli, not even fantasy etc.
The first time I felt nothing, I ejaculated, but no orgasmic awesomeness. I waited five days, same result. I have fapped a fair few times in the last 16 days, every time the same result.
I never experienced the brain fog, the guilt or shame that I used to, I certainly didn't lose the "superpowers" because while /r/nofap taught me that I possessed these qualities within me, I didn't let them be taken away from me.
Today is my 25th birthday, I choose to return back to the nofap way of life because while it does me no damage anymore, fapping is utterly pointless. I realize that masturbation will probably happen from time to time, but I want to make sure that I keep myself in check and not fall into any traps.
One thing that really helped me the first time around was having an accountability partner, what's even better this time around is that she is now my girlfriend. This has been the first birthday I have ever celebrated not being single. I would never have felt the way I do about her without purging my system from all the messed up stuff in there from years of masturbation.
Where to from here? I want to plod along with my streaks, I'd like to beat my old personal record but, I'm not sure what's going to be happening in the next 102 days. I've considered taking up some form of tertiary study on psychology or counselling as I'm all for greater understanding of what makes us tick, and how to overcome addictions and empower us to live better and more fulfilling lives.
For the first time ever, I went 100+ days without fapping. The urges were tough, but I got through them. A few days ago, however, I did a reset because I came to a conclusion that some of you other successful nofappers came across, too: it's the porn that is the main problem, and the fapping is the secondary problem. How did I come to this conclusion? Age 25 - Found my normal libido and a use for occasional pornless masturbation
I felt really great after recovering from ED but the days afterward did not seem as uplifting as the day I finally had sex in a long time. Now, the days following after sex just seem like any normal day with not a lot of tension for sex. I still love sex though. I guess the cuddling, touching, and kissing is what I desire more of right now.
When you are regulated a lot more (around 180 day mark), Having sex is not really a big deal, when it happens it happens. You do not go hunting for it in survival mode with desperation oozing from every pore of your being. It's simply a bonus to your life and a further intimate connection that is formed with your wife or girlfriend. Age 33 - Married: 301 days of not doing something can help you achieve so much other somethings
Another guy (age 20):
This process is much easier with someone who will help resensitize you to someone else's touch and an actual female body and genitalia (let's be real, most vaginas ain't gonna be no right-hand deathgrip mushroomtip cock stroke technique all us bastards developed).
Around day 52, when I figured my flatline was over, I requested from my girlfriend that she touch me more (in general - my body as well as.. y'know) when we're in bed, and she enthusiastically agreed she would. As soon as she started touching me more, things really started looking up (pun intended). In the following month, my erections became increasingly regular and I always responded to her touch. I'd say at first, I'd get hard but have trouble staying hard. I'd occasionally start off strong, but then inexplicably lose the erection after 10 or 15 minutes. I decided I should be in control more often so that I could monitor my erection more carefully basically, and she understood (hell, as she saw it, it was less work for her anyway haha). I'd usually go strong for 10-15, then it'd fizzle, so I'd be able to slow down and really focus on the sensation and it'd come back rock solid. We were able to have some great sex and on several occasions (since we were doing it probably ~7-10x/week at this point) I lasted 30-45 minutes, which was my usual time (before I developed porn-related ED).
The first few weeks were the hardest. Every day was BonerDay, and I craved a way to get off. I was very lustful for quite some time. After several weeks, things started to change. I never flatlined or had asexual feelings; things just started to feel natural. I still felt sexual, but I felt like I was in control of my sexuality. My sexuality was simply an aspect of me and not some over-consuming flame of lust. I also felt more confident in myself and much more social. I looked people in the eye, stood up straight, and was able to be myself. My anxieties were fading away.
(Age 40s) It was difficult at first, and the first time we had sex, I did suffer a little ED. Thanks to nofap I could at least get it up, and maintain an erection, but I could not come, and she was a little worried as to what was going on, but we persevered, and over the next day and week it got better, now it's better than it has ever been.
Importance of real relationship:
After a year, this guy said:
My ED problems are non existent. In fact, my SO told me that things are completely back to normal (going back 27 years) from her perspective... it's hard as ever... perfect. (I only asked because I was preparing for this post -- for science!).
At first, fapping would cause a huge setback. My guess is it was too soon and re-dug neural pathways. Over time that got to be less.
PE? At first, yes... horrible. This is difficult too because I went from being unable to satisfy her with a hard cock... to having a hard cock that didn't last long enough to satisfy her. I took some time to get that under control... months of time. Now it isn't a big problem, but I've learned to be very much in control. I can basically go as long as she needs me to... yet... even last night there was one point where she was really getting in to it that I had to just hold still (and hold her still) as I didn't want things to get out of control. No real issues though.
Without the constant death-grip-and-hyper-stimulation, my responses (both mental and physical) are much more sensitive than before -- almost to the point of the first times I had PIV sex (which also ended in premature ejaculation). Well meaning friends told me to jack off in order to last longer...but that was the wrong advice.
The right advice is let your body acclimate... then you get to keep and experience all of the incredibly and immensely more intense stimulation and still go long enough to satisfy your woman.
It did take a while... and it was not fun waiting... but now I can feel two to three times as much sensation when we have sex and I can last as long as she wants... and pretty much cum when I want... which we both enjoy most as she is having her orgasm.
[First time back having sex] I barely lasted 2 minutes, but a few things happened (possible triggers):
1) I had a huge load 2) I got it back up within 10 minutes and [went on] like the energizer bunny for the next 45 minutes with constant O's on her part 3) After that 45 minutes, i was able to get hard a 3rd time within another 10-15. 4) She was intoxicated with how bad I wanted her.
Bottom line - it's worth it. Just don't put too much weight on that first round.
I'm starting to notice that i can handle my triggers of anxiety, such as seeing hot girls talk to other dudes, stuff like that. I'm able to accept that there isn't anything wrong with me, I just haven't taken the time to talk to that particular girl, so it shouldn't upset me if she is dating somebody. i feel like i have an emotional shield now, where i can make decisions independent of the thoughts that come to mind. it's pretty cool. today was probably the best day of my life in that regard.
I'm on day 76 of no porn, but the past two days I masturbated to orgasm with sensation only. I have been dating and was hoping my first O would happen with a lady, but things didn't turn out that way. It's funny, because for those of you who are familiar with rebooting, the clarity of mind you get from not PMO'ing is amazing. You think more clearly, you remember things better, you can interact with people better etc.
The problem was, as I went into the 70 day range of not having an orgasm, my overall lust became a distraction in and of itself. I couldn't stop thinking about sex or finding a woman to have sex with etc. My thinking wasn't about porn at all, which was good, but it was so distracting that I felt I had to have a release and so I M'd with sensation only.
I did not have to use a shred of fantasy, and I was able to get extremely turned on with a solid erection. I was completely present, just enjoying the ridiculous sensitivity in my penis, and it was very satisfying -- so satisfying that I repeated the next day. I didn't really want to do it two days in a row, but I figured what the hell -- porn is the only real enemy, and I have absolutely no desire to watch it at all anymore. Today I feel good, no chaser, no cravings, and I feel less rabidly lustful.
Another guy gave this report at day 90:
Sooooooo, I let myself orgasm last Saturday - Day 90 (with no porn, of course). It actually didn't feel like such a big deal - yes, I came really hard, but it wasn't like the whole world turned upside down or anything like I imagined it would. I didn't get much of a chaser effect. It was definitely TIME, because I've been noticing positive effects. My head is clearer and I feel calmer. I seem to be able to concentrate better at work. As far as masturbation schedule goes, I'm thinking every other week - we'll see.
Another guy gave this report at day 119:
Now that I am no longer a virgin (age 28), am over PMO, and am in a meaningful, loving mature relationship, I have discovered that I have sex somewhere between 1 and 3 times a week. It doesn't always last very long, and once we're done my sexual appetite is all but gone for a few days. Yes that's right folks: shock, horror. A little bit of good sex is more than enough. I feel fully satisfied and then all sexual thoughts take a back seat for a good few days and I get on with the rest of my life.
I masturbated last night with no chaser today, no porn or fantasy, just lube and pure sensation. It's actully amazing, not that I want all my orgasms to be from masturbation, but when you abstain, use lube, and aren't addicted, orgasms feel a milion times better than pmoing 4 times a day. I also believe my seminal leakage has stopped which is another positive sign.
I did a major reboot last fall, about 100 days up until January of this year. I got very sick earlier in the winter and fell prey to "self medicating" by PMO'ing. I probably PMO'd about a dozen times, each time separated by 2-3 weeks of abstinence. I've been PMO free for about 3-4 weeks up until this point. I met a girl online and despite her not being my type visually, I did find her attractive enough to ask out on a coffee. Well something clicked and merely standing close to her, or smelling her neck/hair did the trick. It felt fantastic. After finding some common interests and having a great time, we went out on a real date. She dressed in a sexy summer dress and we went out for dinner and a stroll. We spent a lot of time, holding hands, caressing, kissing and a bit of heavy petting. It felt like I had an erection the whole night. My guess was it was around 75% of full strength compared to erections I would get from P. The simple bonding behaviours of touching each other's bodies and holding hands definitely helped. I ended the night without going for sex, as I wanted to monitor my progress some more; but things were definitely getting heated. I had been concerned up until this point because I had not had any erections that were of the spontaneous nature (morning wood doesn't count) and no erections from interaction with women. I guess I had to get 'intimate' to really see the progress. I just wanted to share this, I really enjoyed my evening and I felt this energy and magnetism the next day that I havent felt in a long time.
Well, it was nearing 4 months of no PMO for me, and possessing the extreme logical mind I have I felt like I really had to undergo some testing to see just how much I have changed over this period of no PMO. I was actually concerned because my libido was still flatlining.
So, last night I decided to masturbate right before sleeping. The important caveat here is that I used no porn (obviously) nor any sort of fantasy. Just my hand, and very light strokes at that. None of that anaconda gripping. The point of this test was to see if I could get hard without any sort of external stimuli besides the feel.
A while back, when I started on this journey, I read several reports where a good indicator of some recovery was the ability to masturbate with just experiencing the feel of your hand. Well, I was VERY surprised trying this out. I was hard after about 2 seconds, and I mean really hard. I didn't last very long during this session. I was hoping just for some response at all with no porn or fantasy, and wow! I guess the response was too much.
I wasn't convinced, however, because I haven't masturbated in almost 4 months. Perhaps I didn't last long because I haven't done it in a while. I decided to try again today, this time with a condom.
Before getting to the results, I have to say there were no "chaser" effects from last night. No desire to look at porn or fantasize about porn today. Well, today's session was just as fast as yesterday's. I put the condom on no problems, was still extremely hard before and after, and had no problems finishing off with the condom on.
The kegel exercises definitely pay off too. I noticed an extremely harder erection right off the bat, and it was significantly easier to stop myself right at the point of orgasm than from what I remember in the past. That should make the future girls happy. :-)
I really wanted some sort of confidence indicator that I was getting better before getting in bed with a lady again, and I think this definitely gave me that. I count this as a success. I'm not going to binge on masturbating again either, in fact I plan on stopping again for a while (maybe a month). I'm going to carefully watch myself during the next few days for any chaser effects like a strong desire to watch porn. So far I don't have any which is just great.
After about 2 seconds of my hand brushing against my penis, UP it went! That's another good takeaway lesson, for those worried about their libido, you might be completely fine and just not know it until the proper situations arise. I figured that after a few months I would be walking around 24/7 with an erection, but we're not 15 anymore.
I was actually considering seeing a doctor and having my testosterone levels checked, so this masturbation session saved me a couple hundred dollars! I now know that there is nothing physically wrong with me. You could try this at 60 or 90 days. If you can't get an erection from doing this, don't force it. You need more time to heal.
Another guy who was worried at 8 weeks:
I really don't think there's a set 'time limit' for rebooting. I think it varies with everyone. When I didn't feel awesome at 8 weeks I got pretty worried, but everything worked out. Just keep abstaining and you'll eventually get back. I really didn't start to feel truly recovered again until after I'd been with a girl. It opened the floodgates. The improvement between now and a few weeks ago is absolutely insane.
One of the reasons I began my nofap journey was my lack of umm, performance where it counts. Specifically, my ED led to many failed sexual encounters and contributed to a more recent doomed relationship. Death grip and daily ever escalating porn habits literally made the physical act of sex a chore that I dreaded rather than desired.
Fast forward 9 months later. After an 88 day streak (I know, I know) and then several subsequent 7-, 21- and 30- day streaks, I'm happy to report my ED is (almost) completely vanquished.
But here's the best part! Because my sensitivity is still somewhat hindered (from years of daily fapping) I can now literally last as long as a woman wants to keep going and finish whenever I decide. As a result, the last two women I've been with have both commented on what a "great lover" I am.
Another guy at day 90:
Yesterday was the last day of the 90 day challenge I set up for myself. I thought it would never arrive. However, I have to say that I feel like a different man. I now have a regular gym routine and am in some of the best shape of my life and still working at it. My confidence is higher than it was before. I'm not as afraid to speak up or to other people. Am I completely cured, who knows? My libido still has its up and down days and I'm starting to have morning wood more regularly now. However sexually, I feel like I never felt before. My entire body feels alive sexually. I feel like I have a new playground to explore on my own or with someone else. Porn doesn't interest me anymore in the least bit. I'd never planned to give up masturbation completely, but I've definitely have learned when my body needs release compared to doing it out of boredom. I will admit I did masturbate this morning and it was amazing. Another goal for my going 90 days was to regain the sensitivity in my penis from too tight of a grip masturbating. It has definitely returned, which I'm very happy about. Now that I have completed 90 days, I'm sure the healing process will continue. I've learned masturbation is no ways a big deal as some people make it out to be. It has its place and time. I look forward to seeing where I will be in the next 90 days. I feel that I'm just starting to come into my sexual self for the first time at the age of 29, and can't wait to see what the future holds.
A report at day 46 age 29:
(Day 46) At least once a day for the last three days I have felt that strong, natural sexual attraction to real women while I have been out and about. Strong pelvic sensations mixed with desire to make love. Its like i just naturally notice a woman's figure and it turns me on without me having to think about it..Duh that's how it's supposed to work! Damn, its amazing how porn screws you up! My penile sensitivity has been off the charts. I honestly don't remember it ever feeling like this.
So I went the longest I have ever gone without sex or PMO (hardmode) probably since junior high. It was interesting. I never felt so clear headed, and rational. Everyone around me appeared to be emotionally distraught and pessimistic. They would worry at the slightest peak of failure and I wouldn't bat an eye. I wouldn't call this a superpower, rather simply having a functioning brain that isn't spoiled with a lifetime of dopamine daily.
Today I woke up with nothing on my mind but sex. I thought up every possible scenario through my head on how I could make it happen. Not because I wanted a connection or because I needed a fix. But because the passions which grew on me since my current streak..they were being hindered by my inability to not stop thinking about sex. And it was getting worse. While thinking about how I could remedy this without cheating, I saw some things that I wouldnt have saw, connections and whatnot with certain people that I had forgotten or never noticed before if it weren't for my optimism. But when it came down to it the options I had were limited. I would not be having sex today. And if I were to start a new relationship I knew I would also have to finish it. It would be heartache for me and whatever "lucky" girl I "found."
I decided the path of least resistance was to fap. Not because I was weak or because I was relapsing - I conquered that. Because I wanted to stop thinking about sex for a moment, and get it out of my system - so that I could get shit done. This is a totally different reason than why I had fapped for the past 10 years or so.
I still don't believe PMO is good, but I don't believe anymore that there is a strict line of "right" between porn addiction and nofap. The truth is somewhere in the middle, where you aren't a bratty sex whore who objectifies the opposite sex. But you aren't an autonomous robot slave - programmed to avoid your body's signals. If you wake up with a boner that will not go away - everyday - for days on end - I believe your body might be telling you something. It wants to remind you of the "good" side of life, it believes you are forgetting that there is pleasure in life.
We aren't animals. Each and every one of us is a individual in charge of our own body. Part of that is not being a slave to your urges - either by avoiding them or indulging in them. It's to manage your urges - that's where the strength is, that's where you're going to succeed the most. Somewhere in the middle where you are neither giddy or annoyed by the thought of sex.
Ideally you reach this balance with a real relationship with a woman you love. However as a bachelor, you may be putting a wall between yourself and potential lovers by completely abstaining. Sex will be such a big change for you that you won't know how to deal with it. You'll be anxious for the first time. You'll be a complete slave to her if you either can't wait for the sex, or you'll be quickly put in the friend zone if you push it off.
I don't think there is a correct answer for everyone. Some people really do need a 90-day reset. For me though, I believe now is the time to get comfortable with sex. Not to avoid it, and not to bathe in it. If my manhood starts getting in the way of thinking again, I will make it go away. If I ever feel the urge to fap for the sake of fapping - I will stop myself.
Since my fap I've relaxed. I think we all need a good relaxation period in addition to a "reset". If you can't relax you'll miss opportunities that you never saw before. Solutions to problems I have been thinking about all week, popped out at me like obvious easy fixes. Things that seemed like issues before, melted away and I forgot why they were an issue. I became too "rational", somewhat OCD, before i fapped.
I think passion is like a flame, you don't want to blow it out but you want to give it just enough air to grow.
Another guy at day 105:
(Day 105) I really didn't intend or think the reboot would take this long. I was initially going for 7 weeks, but I clearly wasn't quite fixed then (fluctuating libido). Then I took a job in the field for a couple of months and I've since noticed quite a few changes - in particular around 9 weeks. However now things seem to of leveled out in a good way. The crazy 'horny as a teenager' days have gone, and so have the 'no sex drive' days. Having gone so far I feel hanging on for a bit longer (till I see the woman I was dating) is worthwhile. I mean, in the scale of the rest of my life it's insignificant. Still, I would love to be back with her tonight if I could.
Another guy at day 60:
60 days into my reboot, I became curious about trying out a healthy masturbation. I knew it was a risky case, and I was anxious that I would ruin my wonderful reboot. But after successfully coping with a lot of masturbation urges the last months, I was thinking of just consciously trying out a healthy one this time. So today I decided to experiment, since I was dealing with some strong erections lately. In contrast to my early masturbation behaviour, I did it all in a slow and relaxed way and used minimal fantasy, about a girl I know. As expected, it didn't take long. But surprisingly, there was no 'blast' or super orgasm. It didn't feel as intense as it used to, and the release was plenty but not as big as expected (I think there's some sort of negative feedback mechanism going on that prevents any overproduction of semen). But most importantly, it felt good and healthy. Just right at the time.
So far no hangover feeling. I don't expect any major repercussions on my reboot, if there are at all. I really hope not, because I'm really feeling comfortable with myself these days! But I guard against any urges or binge-like behaviour now. I feel like I can easily go without any more masturbation for another month. It feels natural, the mind doesn't seem to focus on sexual thoughts right now. I don't feel like I'm fully rebooted yet (maybe more like 88% ) I do have control over my sexual behaviour now, and I've seen many beautiful improvements in different aspect of my life. I just have to deal with random porn related fantasies. I can put them off now, but I hope they will eventually stop popping up.
Day 109, dealing with masturbation:
Hey guys, things have been going well. My last blog entry I admitted that I started masturbating again after abstaining for about 90 Days. I did this for about two weeks. When I started masturbating, I started picking up the mary jane again
I noticed the more I masturbated, the more depressed I got and my social anxiety peaked again. At first there was no chaser, but the more I did it the more crappy I felt and the only way to feel better was to masturbate more.
I've gone 109 days of no porn. This is the longest I have gone without porn since I started. When I started masturbating again, it did cross my mind to watch it again (The brain was saying "Just one time won't hurt....").
It felt like masturbation and porn is like peanut butter and jelly...a match made in heaven - lol just kidding.
The first time I started masturbating again, I felt my brain looking for the porn. This is going to be hard to describe...there was a spot in my brain where the porn junk went (memories, cravings, etc). When I denied the porn, I literally felt a collapse or an empty feeling in that part of my brain. Like it just did not exist anymore and my brain realized it. It was like when you clap your hands. My brain was expecting something in between the hands, but then it realized there was nothing in between except air. I am happy I no longer have that addiction.
I’m on Day 19 no masturbating and I feel better already. I am starting to feel lucid again and very calm. My dreams are becoming vivid once again.
After 141 days of "NoFap"
I went through NoFap successfully. I saw benefits in confidence, ambition, and a clear head. I eventually fully recognized my mind's addiction to porn even though I had used it much less than others during my lifetime. I believe the cycle is broken and although I miss porn sometimes, I don't have an unending desire to see it anymore, and I haven't used it to masturbate since I started.
I made it 100 days, then masturbated without porn and felt relief... a sense that everything had changed and that I was improved. I'm more confident and women tend to find me more attractive because of that. My sex life has greatly improved (I'm casually hooking up with 4 girls right now, 2 in my city and 2 in Las Vegas when I visit since I used to live there and have a lot of friends there still). I last longer in bed. I get more work done in my free time. I feel more comfortable in my own skin and I get depressed a lot less than I used to.
I've masturbated three times since day 100 (never with porn). I'm now on day 141, though I don't think of myself as "participating in NoFap" anymore. I just don't know whether to reset or lock it at 100 or what...
I don't technically have a significant other, and although (as mentioned) I hook up with girls frequently, there are plenty of times where I go a long time without sex and I went the majority of the 100 days without it, so I feel like I made it through that difficulty.
I would say that yes, masturbation after the 90 days is not bad, but you need to keep it in control. As I mentioned, I've only masturbated 3 times since the first 100 days were over... I basically only do it when I am overtaken by a thought...
It isn't something I do to relax, or to sleep, or because I'm bored. Not anymore. That's where you need to get. You need to get to the point where you masturbate because you feel the need, not because it's something to do...
I've been having somewhat regular sex the past 3 weeks and it has been such a world of difference. There is no anxiety, the connection between my partner and me is really strong, which makes communication (nonverbal and verbal) very easy. She can tell that I fully enjoy giving her pleasure so she gets into it more, matches my level. She can tell I am a guy who appreciates what we're doing and is present. And it's fun. Afterwards I feel satisfied and full from it. I may get really horny thinking about it in the few days after, but nothing that would cause me to fap. I just save that energy for next time so it's that much more intense.
Day 135 - watched porn
So on day 135 I finally caved. It was interesting though. I started watching porn and the first thing I thought was "this video's not doing it for me". So I switched to a different video ( I know, this is really bad). Anyway that video wasn't doing it either. So I tried another one. I only watched each video for 10-20 seconds max.
What was interesting is that I didn't masturbate. It just didn't seem right. It was a perception change for me. Porn felt creepy at best. Watching people have sex was just weird. I think I realized this after watching the third video, and I closed the windows deleted the history. I ended up MOing to touch, which was satisfying.
Porn didn't have that super stimulating feeling that I was accustomed to. I don't really think I had any bad effects YET from watching. I still feel really confident and don't really have any anxiety or depression. Part of me has fear of anxiety and depression that usually follow, but I haven't had anything "real" yet. In fact, part of me was kind of proud that I was able to look porn "in the face" so to speak and was able to deny it. I did end up meditating and going to the gym, so I've done my best to take healthy steps instead. It's good to know that porn doesn't really have that allure for me anymore. I sometimes got scared of relapsing and going back to my old ways with the depression, social anxiety and what not, but now I feel like that won't happen.
Day 80 - second reboot:
When you do have sex go really slowly and try to have sex multiple times. Your erection gets better every time. You HAVE to met girls in real life and practice makes perfect. More advice: Age 21 - this is my second and last reboot. Almost succesfully healed from ED again.