Eminent urologist Harry Fisch, MD has performed a much needed service by saying some things that need to be said about missing pieces in today’s naive understanding of human sexuality. For example, he addresses the adverse effects of excessive internet porn use on men’s sexual function and expectations, as well as the adverse effects of too much sex toy use in women. He also advises people who need help to get it from therapists who actually understand sexual addiction. (Many sexologists still deny its existence!)
Here are some excerpts from “The New Naked”:
“[Porn], something that is supposed to stimulate and arouse men (or women) sexually can actually destroy their overall libido and performance. So why isn’t anyone talking about the effect on sexual performance …? Probably because they flunked sex ed for grownups. They’re discussing why a guy watches it–and not what happens to his penis when he watches.”
“When I say that porn is killing America’s sexual behavior, I am not kidding, nor am I exaggerating.”
” Porn addiction … is far more common than most people think.”
” Look for a sex therapist experienced with porn addiction and sexual dysfunction.”
“I can tell how much porn a man watches as soon as he starts talking candidly about any sexual dysfunction he has.”
” A man who masturbates frequently can soon develop erection problems when he’s with his partner. Add porn to the mix, and he can become unable to have sex.”
“A penis that has grown accustomed to a particular kind of sensation leading to rapid ejaculation will not work the same way when it’s aroused differently. Orgasm is delayed or doesn’t happen at all.”
“What drives me crazy is that so many teenage boys have their first relationship not with a person, but with what they’re watching on their computers. … The only way to learn about women is to spend a lot of time with them. And the only way to get really good at having sex is by having real sex with real women.”
“I don’t think [proposing a vibrator is] good advice for those who are sexually active, because the ultimate goal is for them to have orgasms with their partners, not their sex toys. The vibrator is so good at stimulating the clitoris that if you use it regularly, you may soon become unable to orgasm without it. …The goal with any sexual relationship is to enjoy it together, not to enjoy yourself more than the relationship. …This one of the big disagreements I have with sex therapists.”
“Masturbation can become an enormous problem in your relationship if one partner gets so used to self-pleasuring that he or she can’t get aroused by regular sex anymore.”
Fisch also has insightful things to say about putting relationships back on track, but this review is already long enough.
My one criticism of this book is its style. In my view it is a bit too breezy for the seriousness of the material. But no book is perfect, and the content is sound.
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