Tales of Porn-Related ED 6

Tales of Porn-Related ED 6 is in an 8-part series of stories with a very small sampling of self-reports by various men who have experienced porn-induced ED. For more stories check out these porn-induced ED threads and forum sections: Tales of ED 6

Browse thousands of recovery self-reports to learn what those who’ve recovered have experienced: Rebooting Accounts Page 1, Rebooting Accounts Page 2, Rebooting Accounts page 3, and External Rebooting Blogs & Threads.

I lost my girlfriend and my dignity…I am 37 years old. I started to masturbate at age 14 in 1988. I masturbated a lot through my teens, late 20’s. I kept a regular sex life. Not a ladies man where I was bedding women all the time. A couple of gf’s, a couple of one night stands a couple of escorts. I NEVER had a problem, getting an erection.
On occasion I would rent porn movies at an adult book store, masturbate to them. Never had a problem getting an erection. In 2004 I installed broadband Internet in my home (was 30 at the time). I soon was masturbating to all types of porn. Swinger websites with pictures of swinging couples. These would often be 45minute-1hr-2hr, 3-4 hr sessions. Taking breaks, and then going back to it. Ever since I have had broadband Internet in my home and the quick access to porn, MY SEX LIFE HAS BEEN A COMPLETE DISASTER.
It’s very very rare that I have a fulfilling sexual encounter. I did not realize that masturbating to porn was the problem this until a gentleman I e-mailed through a swingers website gave me some advice. I emailed him and asked him bluntly.
“I noticed on your profile that you have met quite a number of couples and they validate your profile and say how you were terrific and the lady loved you. I have met 4 couples and if I can not get hard I don’t stay hard after I get an erection. It’s not nerves and performance anxiety as we always meet for drinks, chat, and proceed to a hotel. I’m not nervous at all. The only thing I can think that might be causing my ability to stay or get hard is I masturbate a lot to porn, pics, etc….May I ask you, should I refrain from masturbating, especially on the day or day before I meet the couples. May I ask you if you masturbate. What advice could you give me” His reply was this….” I masturbate all the time, but I will not masturbate on the day I meet a couple. I have no problem getting erections and staying hard.
If your only 37, in good shape from what I can see in your pictures. I will tell you stop masturbating to porn, it’s directly F’N up your sex life. Guaranteed. I’m 99.9% sure that your erection problem is caused by your masturbating to porn as much as you do. Lay off the porn man, just jerk off when you feel horny or something get’s you aroused. After you get over that first hump in a week or two, you’re going to get erections and start feeling a sensation you have not felt in years”
My problems with the lack of erections or staying hard I can say with honesty was my addiction to sitting in front of my monitor and masturbating to porn. Don’t get me wrong, I have fallen off the wagon a couple of times. Masturbating to porn is an ugly, horrible addiction. The temptation is great. The porn is easy to get to. Porn Tube Channels have been my worst enemy. But I am trying. For the past 2 weeks as of the first of December, I have been strictly masturbating in the bathroom. Just a quick jerk off, maybe once a day, twice a day. But, to me that’s an improvement and healthy to my sexuality. It’s a struggle guys, but I will attest that masturbating to porn will ruin your sex life….

I started M and P when I was 12 to pictures on the computer (I had dial up at the time). By times high school came around we had cable Internet so I started watching videos…
My ED ruined my high school sex life. On multiple occasions I was with girls and couldn’t get it up. It was so frustrating. Fast forward, I’m 20 now and I have regularly PMO ever since 5-6 times a week, until 8 weeks ago. I was surprised at how easy it was for me. I thought I would have relapsed 2 weeks into it, haha.
The improvements I’ve noticed is weak wood in the morning (I had nothing for 5 years :-/). I have gotten a few random boners during the day but not what it use to be like… Not fully hard. I haven’t had an wet dreams like a lot of people did.
I’ve noticed that I am fantasizing more, I always try and stop my self. But its been happening more and more. I defiantly don’t feel cured… I feel better… but not cured. I think I’m going to continue the program until something comes up so I can test myself, with a real girl. In short, 8 weeks are done. Don’t feel cured, going to continue program. Anyone else in this situation?

23, Porn-Induced ED, P:113 M:28 O:28
I have been masturbating since I was probably 12 or 13 and probably began watching/reading softcore porn shortly after. I began watching straight porn but only for a short while.
Being gay, my focus was always on the man. And I eventually made the switch to gay porn and gay erotic fiction. No doubt, I have become addicted to porn over the years as it quickly became part of my masturbation routine. Unwittingly, as I became desensitized to it, i would switch back and forth between erotic fiction and <a class=”inlineAdmedialink” href=”#”>video</a> depending on what I was in the mood for. Funnily enough, I often could get my fix easier from the erotic fiction since it encouraged me to fantasize at a deeper more encompassing level. I found I could get more from it since it often would fill my need for romantic fulfillment as well as sexual. I would masturbate usually once or twice daily. If I was busier, exhaustion and my schedule would take my full attention for two to three days and I would not masturbate. Only in those situations have I ever not masturbated.
I have noticed finally how desensitized I have become. However, I will say that I don’t think my tastes in porn have become terribly extreme as in some other people’s cases. However I have noticed that I would climax much easier and quickly in “scenario” videos that had some sort of quick storyline about them. They were videos that were encouraging me to fantasize. Again, the erotic fiction was particularly dangerous because not only would it let me fantasize about my ideal sex, it would also let me fantasize my ideal partner, ideal romance, ideal life etc. These stories were well-developed novels with complex plots that completely fed into my addiction to fantasy, eroticism and escapism, no doubt further self-sabotage in my life-goal to find a person to be my romantic partner.
I became aware I had some sort of sexual performance issue when I first attempted to <a class=”inlineAdmedialink” href=”#”>hook up</a> with a few different guys while I was in college. However at the time I hadn’t pinpointed the exact cause for my ED. The first time during the fooling around period I was eventually put into a position where I was expected to top the guy I was with. No matter what he did I just wouldn’t rise for the occasion. At the time, I had chalked it up to us both being drunk, or us both being bottoms. I hadn’t been with anyone yet so I had no idea the politics of gay sexual relations, how clean cut partner-roles were etc.. When I finally told him that it simply wasn’t going to happen, he finally sighed defeated and started getting dressed. I told him I wasn’t sure what the problem was I hadn’t experienced it before and he said,
“No–I know. I have the same problem.”
At the time, I think we were both referring to the fact that we both identified as “bottoms”. I suddenly felt boxed into a corner and trapped with my sexual identity just as I was coming to terms with it and embracing it. Not only did I have to <a class=”inlineAdmedialink” href=”#”>work</a> to decipher the gay men from the straight men, I now also had to find gay men who liked to top. It was very discouraging. I had a few other encounters at parties or clubs to have sex with guys and in each scenario similar things happened. The men were almost always super fit and attractive yet no matter what, I felt removed from my body, awkward and detached in each encounter.
After some reading and finding out that other gay men did not feel as limited in their sexual identity as I did, I began to wonder if I had a problem that had nothing to do with my sexual identity. This fear was further confirmed when I had an opportunity to bottom with a guy. While I was more turned on and aroused then I had been with any other partner, I still was not able to come close to climaxing at all. I found my mind in each encounter was completely preoccupied with thoughts surrounding my ED. I just couldn’t understanding how my body could feel so little in the real situations and yet react so easily when masturbating and watching/reading porn. At age 21 I began avoiding potential hookups like the plague. I would go out dancing with friends and be social, but I was beginning to feel really asexual. If any opportunity came up to meet someone, I would be overwhelmed with <a class=”inlineAdmedialink” href=”#”>anxiety</a>-induced nausea and run for the hills.
I began to really pay attention to my behavior while i was checking out guys. I would recognize their assets and know they were someone I was definitely interested in being with. It was like I could feel a hyper-awareness in my brain, a message being sent to my body, but it would simply fizzle and disappear before it would reach the proper nerve endings. Someone’s account describes it as being really cerebral and not physical at all and that is absolutely true. Nothing would happen in my body, just a recognition in my brain that I was attracted to them.
I would search and search for topics on ED and never would I come up with any satisfying solutions to my problem. Everything I would read would chalk ED up to performance anxiety and would then present solutions that worked to calm the mind. While I believe anxiety is definitely a factor, I didn’t have anxiety the first time I attempted to have sex with someone, yet I still suffered from ED that night. So I knew anxiety wasn’t entirely the issue.
Finally I happened upon yourbrainonporn.com and after reading for about 20 minutes, I was fascinated. Everything simply clicked and fell into place. I suddenly realized I was a porn and masturbation addict and I had self-sabotaged my body’s natural sexual response.
Some of you may think that my gay-identity emerged out of my porn addiction since often straight men find themselves turning to gay porn as a way to get the proper dopamine rush they need to climax. While I won’t lie and say I didn’t reflect for a moment. I don’t think this to be the case in my situation. Even through this awful issue I have been dealing with the last two-three years, I would still find myself falling unwittingly into crushes on guys that I was friends with or worked with. I can easily picture myself with a man both sexually and romantically in real life, not just in my fantasies. However, it has become clear that my body has been trained to react only to my fantasies and not the reality. I have not happened upon another gay man’s account on this site so I hope this will be a nice addition and perspective to add to the website and its goals.
And so begins my Reboot. I wrote this introduction one week into my reboot.

Alright, I feel obligated to share my story because this discussion board has really helped me figure out my own problems. I’m 19 years old and I suffer from ED with a partner. I’m almost 100% certain that this a direct result of me m-bating to porn (why else would a 19 year old have ED).
The scary thing is, I was by no means an addict. I did it 2 or three times a week. But over time, it was almost as if the idea of sex became more appealing than actual sex. Sexual partners came and went, and I was never able to get hard with them. It got so embarrassing that I decided I was done trying to have a sexual life.
Thank god I found this board. I stopped looking at porn immediately, and have now been “porn free” for 2 months. I think it’s starting to work. I have a very supportive girlfriend now, and she’s been able to get me off via h-job twice now. I still struggle to get hard, and it takes a REALLY long time for me to get off, but I do.
I think I’m on my way to beating this. Just thought I’d share. Reply if you have any questions, I’m fairly busy at the moment and don’t have time to write everything that I probably should. Good luck.

I was never lucky with women in my school day, uni days or even in my early twenties. This is because during my whole life I had been surrounded by guys and had very little opportunities to meet women. I was never very successful with the very few chances I had with women to meet for dates in my early 20s and maybe it was because I lacked confidence and understanding of women’s thinking.
I lost my virginity when I was 25 to a prostitute who forced herself on to me when I was abroad. I was very ashamed of this and I too also experience erectile dysfunction ED after shagging her for only 5 mins. Looking back, I understand now that I this ED was due to my chronic yrs of PMO.
In the last 2 years I’ve found that I’ve had a very low sex drive. Possibly this is also because of all the high stress at work and finally conceding that hot women just…..don’t like me. I turned 30 this year :o( Things changed about 2 months ago. A hot girl invited my back to her flat one night and I just did not show any interest in sex when I spoke to her. I just had no libido and just didn’t expect her to like me in a sexual way. However, we spoke to each other nearly every night on the phone since that night and she surprisingly actually showed sexual interest in me. We often had erotic sex conversations on the phone and we agreed that she would come to my house next week to have some horny sex with me.
This is very frustrating, because when I was younger, I would have jumped at the chance to shag her multiple times every night. Now, I am worried that I won’t even be able to get maintain an erection and be able to shag her even once. I’m glad I found this forum because I learnt that it was the PMO which had really ****** up my brain. I’ve also taken the advice from this forum and I have not PMO’ed for 4 weeks.
I have found that although I do get morning erections, I still feel that it would be very difficult for me to maintain an erection if I shagged her. I like her so much so I really want to ensure that I can satisfy her and keep her happy. When I meet her next week it’ll be 5 weeks of no PMO. I am really hoping that she’ll be satisfied with us only doing oral sex together.
I never thought I’d ever say this about a hot girl, but I would dread her expecting me to shag her, not because I’m not into women, but because I may not be able to maintain an erection which would inevitably lead to her dumping me. Right now, I feel that 5 weeks and no PMO just won’t be enough time for me to recover from my sins. I hope that I can quit PMO for, not 8 weeks, 12 weeks or even 12 months. I am aiming to quit PMO for the rest of my life.

Hi guys, Can’t believe I have not heard of this before. Basically I am a 51 year old married guy. I have always seemed to enjoy porn more than my friends and Have been into it since my mid teens going from mags then the huge step to video which I thought was heaven till the Internet came along then it was an even better heaven!!
I know I have always had an ED problem due to anxiety as it was never any problem with erections when I was on my own but sometimes it would let me down and other times fine. My wife has rarely had the sex drive that I had and so I would always turn to porn.
Then my ED started to get much worse with my wife but still OK with porn.
Then came Viagra which gave a huge boost to our sex life for a while but I was also still into porn and would edge sometimes for 5 or 6 hours while watching porn plus camming.
Then my wife had a gynecological problem that meant she found sex painful and so basically for about four years my whole sex life has been porn.
To begin with I was watching porn and edging very often for long periods of time After a while my libido was getting less and less and I started to have to manually get myself going and the porn was having to get more extreme to make me horny.
I have been to doctors and urologists and no physical problems found. I have even been to a hypnotherapist but no change. Something I have noticed over the last couple of years and was mentioned to all the above only to get a blank look, is the fact that I have had periods of a couple of months with no libido whatsoever and so no P & M then would suddenly have very high libido so would be back heavily on the porn for about a week then the libido would go again.
After reading much about this over the last couple of days am I right to think that during the couple of months with no libido and so no P & M, my brain was rebooting which is why my libido returned? As I already stated I would then get straight back to the porn for a week and then the libido goes again. This is the situation now and because my wife is ok again now I would dearly love to be normal again.
I am going through the “no libido” phase at the moment so going without P & M is easy but I know will be very difficult when it returns again. During that period would it be ok to have sex with my wife or should I resist for a longer period? I will be the happiest guy on earth if this gets sorted

The river of life and the fat of the land…
Hey, my name is TheTimeIsNight! I’m 22 right now (almost 23) and I pretty much have ED, I generally fap anything from 3 – 5 times a day (usually watching porn), sometimes more if I’ve got a lot going on with uni (procrastination). I’ll give a little back story;
I started masturbating when I was around 7 or 8 (not quite sure what age…long before I could ejaculate anyway!), and I started watching porn when I was around 13. Since then, my porn use has gradually gone from pretty mild, to quite hardcore! To a point where normal sex seems dull and uninteresting, and generally the only way I can become erect, or reach orgasm, is by fantasising about porn. A few times I’ve tried to “recreate” these porn scenes in real life; they were horrible! Uncomfortable, degrading, painful etc. They never turn out to be the “fantasy” you think they’re going to be! However, oddly enough, even though I dont enjoy that at the time, I’ll fantasise about it later on!
Also, this might be relevant; I’m gay. And when I was a teenager, I went through a pretty hard time discovering, and admitting that to myself. Whilst “normal” kids were off exploring their sexuality in real life, I was exploring myself to a computer screen, leaving a pretty reprehensible “history” (Sorry, mum!). So, here are the main reasons I want to stop fapping, and stop watching porn;
Attempt to “reboot” my brain and possible cure my ED!
Increase confidence! (I really feel that my ‘bedroom issues’ vastly decrease my confidence with guys)
Because porn gives you unrealistic expectations of what people are like in bed. Also, what their body looks like etc.
Porn can be a pretty cruel industry towards women and I don’t want to support it.
I already stopped for one week, but then ruined it by fapping! So this time I’m going to go all the way…I don’t particularly want to focus too much on a specific amount of days, but I guess I’d roughly like to make 120. However, ideally I’ll feel like stopping fapping forever. Anyway, please say “hello”! Ask questions! let me know if I’ve missed out any necessary information!The last time I fapped was last night, so this is me approaching the end of day one!

One foot in front of the other
What’s up fellas! Just another guy here starting the bumpy adventure to sexual recovery, so I thought I’d make a profile to hopefully be of some support (I’m thinking this can probably feel like a lonely journey sometimes) and start a journal to keep track of my progress.
Brief recap about me: 21 years old, started watching porn when I was 14. At first it was only when my family wasn’t around and I could get away with it. I remember the thrill, the rush and tingly high of sneaking around and watching porn videos when I thought no one was looking and wouldn’t see. This escalated to watching porn every time I masturbated (at least once a day if not several times a day) for the past year until this summer. I first noticed a problem when I was 18 with my first boyfriend. I went completely limp when it came time to put a condom on and chocked it up to performance anxiety and let it go. This happened several times before we split up, so sex was unsuccessful for me. I slept or fooled around with a few other guys after that and always had to take the bottom role because of my inability to stay hard to penetrate, but I was able to get off by jacking myself off during sex.
This summer I realized I had a more serious problem than simple performance anxiety when I started seeing this awesome guy. I was always impressed with how fast he could get hard and maintain an erection. It was always obvious he was turned on and feeling good, not so much with me (even though inside I’m sure I felt just as turned on, if not more). As horny and attracted to him as I was and still am, a lot of times I had a difficult time even getting hard, let alone staying hard. I remember the first time we fooled around he was like a rock and I stayed pretty much limp. He was completely understanding, though.
As great as sex could feel with him, I had trouble getting it up most of the time and had severe delayed ejaculation (it would take me so long that he would have to hold back all the time and give himself blue balls because he knew once he cummed, he’d be dead and ready to cuddle and wouldn’t feel up to getting me off). I compared my actual sexual experiences with the virtual porn/masturbation habit (I now realize it’s an addiction) I developed and wondered why I could get and stay so hard for porn and not for this hot guy I cared so much about. I remember feeling like such a failure when I couldn’t get hard the first time. Emasculated and inadequate. It was then I started looking into ED and treatments. This eventually led me to YBOP and this forum.
So, progress thus far: I haven’t watched any porn since June 28, right around the time I started seeing this guy and fooling around with him. I don’t remember masturbating much this summer, either. But I think immediately jumping into sexual stuff was the wrong move for me. I think it may have helped a little but above all just covered up the problem instead of me being proactive and working to fix it. I attempted to masturbate a few weeks after we broke up to no porn, just sensation, and had a real hard time getting fully erect with no porn or fantasy.
September 18 is the day no masturbation started for good – 14 days in!! I don’t really know what to expect with this, I feel like I haven’t flatlined yet and wonder if the fact that I haven’t watched any porn for a few months will help speed up my total recovery. I hope it will. I woke up yesterday with raging morningwood, which I think is a good sign. And last Wednesday night I woke up and realized I’d had a wet dream. I don’t remember what the dream was about. The last time I had a wet dream was high school. Also a good sign?
Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’m excited to be on the road to recovery with you all.

[History] 30 years old, heavy PMO for 20 years; experiencing ED and delayed ejaculation introduced to P around 5 yeas old – softcore and hardcore magazines -viewed first P video at 9-10 #MO starting at 12 -heavy PMO at 13 – really using almost any material for arousal, but mostly static image galleries -15 years old – heavy petting with girlfriend – handjob; no issues with erection, but experienced delayed ejaculation (or no ejaculation at all)
-16 years old – delayed ejaculation with blowjobs with rare O -17 years old – heavy PMO with internet videos -18 years old lose virginity; after foreplay, immediate loss of erection with the introduction of a condom *the issues continued (with the same girl) a few more times, but I was eventually able to maintain an erection and O from a specific position – lying on my back.
Even now, I have not been able to O from a different position. 18- present I’ve had 5 girlfriends total in the past 12 or so years. I have been on and off with one girl the entire time for a grand total of about 7 years. Let’s call her ‘Sheila’. She has been less than understanding about the ED. She often blames herself. She doesn’t believe she is attractive enough. She wonders if I have the same issues with other girls.
There have been lots of fights over the issue – probably contributing to us breaking up (more than once). Any girls I’ve seen other than Sheila have actually been fairly understanding. I usually hope for the best during the first sexual encounter (without a 0% success rate) and I just get really apologetic and self-deprecating. They usually say it’s OK, but the relationship never lasts longer than a few months. I could never use a condom – ever – or sex just would not happen. The ED has gotten worse. I can no longer perform without pills like Levitra, Viagra, or Cialis (not that I’ve ever been able to ‘perform’ before).
During sex, I can only O with my eyes closed, fantasizing about P videos. My first thought upon insertion is, “I don’t really feel anything.” Then I lose my erection. Sheila would give me a blowjob to get the erection back and then try to have sex quickly before I lose it again. In the end, she complained she could never reach O because I couldn’t stay hard long enough. This past August, I started dating a woman (let’s call her Jen) who was very understanding of the situation. I used Levitra every time we had sex, but still had the delayed ejaculation.
We had sex multiple times a week through September and it was costing me an arm and a leg getting pills every week. I discovered YBOP in early October, when the Italian study was first released, and immediately stopped P and M. Jen and I continued to have sex to O (using pills) about once or twice a week. I tried to focus on my senses and stay in the moment instead of relying on P flashbacks and I found it actually started working.
I could reach O within 20 minutes as opposed to my usual 45 minutes-1 hour. I felt more sensitive and more aware. One time, I couldn’t help but feel ticklish with everything. Jen and I broke up the day after Thanksgiving, for reasons other than the ED. Then I went on a PMO binge for a week, lasting until Sunday night on December 4th. I decided to start the reboot again.
Throughout the week, I ended up seeing some static images of nudity online – only softcore – but I’m still counting it as a relapse. So I’m officially calling Monday, December 12th my Day 1. #Day 3 Today marks my third day with no PMO. I’m already in flat-line. There’s just no libido. Downstairs, it just feels cold and lifeless. Although I am poking and prodding and readjusting it more than usual.
Today I’m starting to get a little more energy to get stuff done. Usually I can procrastinate, but I just felt the need to get errands done today. I also have this awake feeling, like coming out of a fog. I’m hoping there’s more of this… Crazy enough, I also decided to quit smoking. Today is my first full day with no cigarettes. So Day 3 of the reboot, Day 1 of no smoking. I feel like this energy and this awareness is actually giving me that extra push to be able to quit smoking. Usually, I could justify buying just one more pack, but today, I held strong. I actually want to credit the reboot for that.

Glad I came across this forum. I was starting to worry, but, after reading all these posts I can relate to everyone. I’ve been watching porn for awhile and just started not getting aroused the last two weeks while i watch it. It started to worry me so I did my research and now I’m here.
I like to think I caught it early because I don’t have it as bad as some of the other guys, but, it’s getting there. After reading the success stories of the guys who have stopped inspired me to stop cold turkey.
Been 5 days now and I’m starting to feel the side affects of it. Zero Libido, sex drive went down, morning wood about every other morning. It’s turning out to be hard at times, but, I’m sticking to it. It feels good knowing I have an addiction and I’m taking steps to fix it. I’m looking forward to what’s ahead.
Porn is no joke! I wish I knew it had serious affects like this.;

Dilem’s Revolution
I’m a 21 year old guy from Belgium (I’m dislexic and English isn’t my native language so forgive any typo’s), still live at my parent’s house allong with my sister. i’ve nearly finished a course in electricity and i’m close to starting to work in this profession aswell.
Not feeling verry elaborate at the moment I’m just going to jump into my journal here.
I started M when i was as young as 7-8 years old i believe and i still remember doing it a lot back then (especially from 10-12 yrs). We didn’t have internet or anything like that and i wasn’t looking for porn at all. That changed when we got internet when i was about 13. i had been over at a friends place a few times and we looked up some pictures of naked women etc. so i knew where to look and the first chance i had when I had the place to myself i was looking up pictures.
As I grew older and became more skilled at using the computer I started downloading some porn clips and even short movies. my parents and sister used to go to bed early and I’ve always been a bad sleeper so i stayed up and no one bothered me at all. I think i skipped over the softcore porn and went straight to the hardcore stuff (naturally the pictures didn’t do it for me anymore after that).
This carried on till i got my first laptop at about age 16. i now had a laptop in my room which ment i could do my thing all day every day. the porn escalated to more extreme porn etc we all know how it goes.
At age 18 i got a girlfriend (my first). we had a sexual relation which lasted for about a year. and this is where my first ED problems showed up. i remember that i had a hard time getting it up at times (failing at times). and condoms were (still are) a big problem, they made me lose my wood instantly and made it verry hard to O. i still remember that if i had watched P up to 5 days prior to having sex with het i would have problems (so even back then i knew porn was messing with me, even tho i never gave it any concious thought).
I was 19 when we broke up and haven’t had sex ever since. on one occasion i had an offer for a trio and i just couldn’t perform cause of anxiety and on another occasion i was realy drunk and tried to have sex with a girl i just met but i never got hard.
which brings us to the present. i was sick of all the failure and ED (a guy my age shouldn’t have ED). and i found that it’s time for me to get a girlfriend. searching the web in hopes of finding an answer to my question: what’s wrong with my sex drive, i found YBOP. reading the accounts on the site was like reading a description of my life so far . It was a tremendous releaf to find that i’m not the only one suffering of this problem

You guys just saved my life,,!!! I was about to commit suicide!!
I have my beautiful blonde GF that I love, we were separate for three months when she was in Russia visiting her family. 3 moths I would watch porn and masturbate EVERYDAY and many days it was 2-3 times…I know…that was crazy…I was already building muscles on my right hand lol ok sorry for being so graphic, anyways, she came back from vacations and I really wanted to make love to her again and everything was going fine….till……like 8 minutes after we starter, my p started getting flaccid.
I made her get to the climax and everything but I couldn’t ‘come’ my penis just passed out…she was like…u dint come?? no I said maybe I was anxious, and exactly the same thing has being happening every time (already 3 weeks), if I get to come its always with my penis when its already almost flaccid.
I am getting depress cuz of this, it’s not about coming or not, it’s about manhood!!! I was really worried today and started asking Dr Google and thank God I found this….It’s very clear now…
NO MORE PORN-MASTURBATING….bye bye celina cross…bye bye Sunny Lane…ps: baby if u read this…. sorry…. at least I didn’t cheat t bad way 🙂

Awakening the Dragon
I’m a young guy (21) who grew up a typical social misfit: shy, no confidence, bullied etc. At some point I ate my lunch in the bathroom at school (I’ve let this all go, this is just to give you an idea). For years I coukd only dream of being with a girl, so I turned to fantasy and… well you know to what else I turned to. My first sexual encounter was at 18, at that moment I could still get hard enough, even though I didn’t feel much and sometimes went semi-soft’ but I didn’t think much of it and blamed it on my girlfriend being “loose” haha.
That relationship ended after two months and things then took a turn for the worse.
My next encounter I couldn’t get hard, blamed it all on anxiety. I never saw that girl again ( that experience SCARRED me). I then became more and more anxious and started looking for ED pills on craigslist, winding up in sketchy places to get them. But even when I took those, the only situation where I could get hard was the next morning if I stayed with the girl, so I pretty much avoided sex, each encounter being more humiliating than the other. The stress was literally killing me: wondering if I would wind up having a sexless youth, watching time and occasions go by. I developped a case of zona, which is extremelly rare amongst young people, and also psoriasis ans other kinds of rashes on my skin.
I tought it was pretty cruel twist of fate: I had turned into an attractive ( yet insecure) young man, and chicks were now looking at me, but I couldn’t look back. The situation was now the opposite, before I wanted to have sex but was unnatractive, now I was attractive but couldn’t have sex. It sucked. And yet I couldn’t tell anyone, it was such a burden. (I had told one friend about my first misadventure and he told all my other friends so I decided I wouldn’t tell anyone again.)
I was beginning to lose all hope when I fell upon YBOP by accident. Funny story, I actually had my other tabs on porn (and the type that I’m not proud to have watched, pretty sick) when I first openned the site, and I told myself I would take a look at it later. I did and EUREKA! Out of the hundreds of internet searches i had made on the subject of my mysterious ED, this was the first one who actually gave me real answers, not just to relax, take deep breaths and not make such a big deal out of it.
I’ve been PM free for about 4 months and a half now, altough I’ve had sex and orgasms with my girlfriend during that period (we just broke up three weeks ago but still occasionnally hook-up). I’m still not at 100%, maybe 70 and stille not confident about condoms, so now I’m gonna cut on the orgasms and see what happens.

I’m 28. Been watching porn since I was about 12. Lost my virginity around 20. Have had many relationships and sexual partners since then, but have always had problems with sexual performance for as long as I can remember.
Was I a porn addict? Maybe. I’m not really sure. I’d say that I’ve watched porn on average 5 times a week for the last 16 years. As the years went by, I enjoyed it less and less, and started watching different things, but none of it really seemed to satisfy me.
In the later years I would find myself flipping through countless videos in search of stimulation, sometimes watching 4 or 5 videos at the same time, but of course that didn’t do it for me. I realized the absurdity of the situation but didn’t know what to do about it. ED was a problem whether with porn or with a real person.

Thanks for all these posts. I’m 29 years old, have been masturbating to porn since I was around 12, probably once a day/five-to-seven days a week. I was in a serious relationship from ages 19 to 25, and with that girl, sex was great. I was horny most of the time, and I never had problems getting up. It was a real relationship — a meaningful one.
She was the second girls I had been with. That being said, after that relationship, I went on a bender of sexcapades with various girls… girls who meant nothing to me, other than sex. That’s when the problems staying erect started surfacing. I wasn’t used to wearing a condom, and once I started wearing one, I would lose my erection shortly there after.
I made the foolish mistake of not using a condom a few time, and luckily, I never caught any diseases. Nevertheless, in those situations, without the condoms, I was able to keep my erection.
However… now, as the years have gone by, I have continued to watch porn, and masturbate, etc. Now, I find myself not even able to keep my erection without the condom. It’s like I’m so used to the way I jerk myself off that a girl’s vagina barely meets the mark. I think this also has to do with porn, since regular sex just doesn’t seem to do it.
For the most part, though, I think this may have to do with the fact that now sex to me has become meaningless, physical fun. It used to be associated with “love,” but now, since I’ve been “broken hearted” once or twice, I seem pretty closed off to love. I think that’s what’s keeping my johnson down.
Anyway, I just thought I’d bring the element of “love/honest affection” into the equation to see what people felt about it. As for the pledge to not ‘bate to porn, I’ve been giving it a try. I’m on day two right now. So far, I’ve had erotic dreams and mild morning wood, but no killer boners just yet. I can’t wait to reboot this whole thing. I’ll keep you guys posted.

60 days.
I am in my early 20s. As many others here I found porn and masturbation when I was 12 or 13. I remember that my first masturbation was exactly to porn and it felt so good, that i was hooked on them both from the beginning. In the beginning of my habits i didn’t need alot of things to get me off. I would jerk off to lingerie models, music clips with hot chicks and as a matter of fact anything that had a glimpse of ass or tits exposed in it, lol.
As time passed by and i finally got a broadband connection and a private room, I started jerking off exclusively to porn. The material was getting more and more graphic but i didn’t change to the more extreme genres ( i find most of them disgusting ). I used however to change the scenes over and over again, so i can experience novelty all the time and have a more powerfull orgasms. I used to do it alot averaging at list 2-3 times daily.
When I had my first sexual encounter i was 18. I liked the girl but when things progressed to the bedroom, I was unable to do absolutely anything and no matter how hard I tried I was so shaken up by anxiety and embarrassment that nothing happen down there. It freaked me out big time and i remember that i went straight home streaming a vid with one of my favourite porn stars to see if everything is in working order. Ofcourse i was able to get off and relaxed that i was just to worried about my first time. However over the next few months we had countless attempts for sexual intercourse but I never was able to actually penetrate the girl.. In the end i decided that she is just not my type and broke up with her. She took it really hard, but i didn’t really cared about it, since I was a blaming her for my problems.
Out of the relationship I continued my porn use which finally escalated to same really weird fetishes. I have always adored anything about a women’s body and especially the ass. Over the period of the next few years this fetish pushed me to watch more and more body and ass worship which led to the genre of mild female domination. This was the exclusive porn that I was watching over the next few years . It got to the point where I would seek out professional mistresses from my area so I could fulfill my fantasies. Gladly there is this barrier that I could not let a random person humiliate me for any reason which prevented me from going down that road.
When I met my next girlfriend , the same problems started occuring again. I couldn’t penetrate her for the first months of the relationship but luckily she was really understanding and adoring girl and helped me relax and overcome my anxiety. I really liked the girl so I started actively seeking ways to cure my ED. It was around that time that i found YBOP. Just two weeks in the reboot we finally had a successfull intercourse and i lost my virginity at age of 22. However sex was boring and the reason for that was that my dick was so desentized to my hard grip masturbation, that once inside a pussy i couldn’t feel absolutely anything. Most of the time i would go limp after a few minutes and even if I was horny and fuck for close to a hour i never really came close to climax. BJ and intercourse didn’t do absolutely anything to me. The few times that i had samo sensation was when she was getting sore at the end. Ofcourse at that time it starts to get painfull for her so we had to stop.
It was really hard to keep my head clear with all the sex and the delayed ejaculation problem. I relapsed multiple times to porn even though I had seen the positive results clearly. After a binge I always had ED problems for at least a week that even a blue pill could not fix. After awhile this routine got just too much for her and she broked up with me. I was devastated but decided its finally time to get rid of this stupid shit once and for all.

Hi everybody, as many others in this forum I’ve the same problem: ED most likely caused by addiction to PMO. What made me research the topic is the fact that lately I’ve had the opportunity to have sex with a beautiful 30 years old girl (I’m 52) and useless to say it didn’t get up. I’ve been PMO since I was 11 / 12 like many others at the beginning with magazine then videos and the Internet, as many others always looking for more different kind of P to get excited to a point that I’m sure that some stuff can’t be normal.
I’m married and I’ve not have had sex with my wife in years, part because she’s gotten so big and also others things that I do not have any attraction for her, that made me more into PMO. Of course now after reading many posts for few days I’ve realized that good chunk of the problem is the addiction to P, otherwise how could it be explained the ED (more than once) with a beautiful 30 years old? So I started the rewiring process but the first attempt fell after 4 days so now I’m back to day 1.
I’ve deleted now all the P stash and canceled the Usenet account where I was getting 99% of the P. The more I read posts the more I’m convinced that the problem is PMO I just hope is not to late for me; to all the younger man out there stop PMO before it ruin your life not only sexually speaking. Any advice on how to stick to the plan is welcome.

I am suffering from ED and I definately know its down to watching Porn. I am watching porn and masturbating 2-3 times a day, I am now even at the point where the masturbation only lasts about 20 secs. I also agree with the guy who said you start to watch different porn, I started off as a 12-13yr old watching straight and lesbian sex, but soon had to move onto orgy, bukkake and other types of porn which now include shemale and occasionally Gay porn.
I have a very poor sex life with my wife, but this is mainly down to the fact that she has no sex drive, but like others on here I can only get erect when thinking about the porn I have watched that day. Today for me is Day 1 without porn or masturbation…. Wish me luck!

The Get-My-Boner-Back Journal
Sup yall, starting a journal for support and to keep myself in check in reclaiming my sex drive. I don’t really know how to start this off, considering the subject matter… I guess I’ll follow the crowd and give my story…
First, I’m recently 21. Having an internet addiction for a long time, I started using internet porn when I was around 9 or so. Young as shit, I know. It wasn’t til I was 14 or so that I started getting into crazier types of porn. Shortly after, I started slowly losing my erection capabilities while with real partners. With porn it started taking longer to finish, many more videos to bust, and I’d frequently lose my erection out of boredom with the material, being forced into using more messed up genres of porn. Now, I CAN of getting an erection, but I’ve become so jaded from porn that real girls rarely get me rigid enough (if at all) to even get it in.
Last weekend, I went to a girl’s house, whom I liked physically, and couldn’t get hard enough to have sex with. I felt (still do) so ashamed that I was considering talking to a doctor about boner pills, it was that or declaring celibacy forever… It was by luck that the videos from YourBrainOnPorn were so easy to find (as opposed to those videos that just say ED in 20 yr olds is natural), especially since I didn’t even think about how porn might’ve been influencing my mind, especially in non-sex related things, like my social anxiety and low motivation. I has a bit of doubt about the extent of the benefits of rebooting, but I have hope that it’ll restore my functions, and I have nothing to lose.
As it stands. I’m only on my 2nd day, it’ll be Day 3 in a bit. I’ve definitely gone longer than this, but usually I was with a group of friends for a long time and no opportunity to diddle my wiener. So I don’t know what to expect. I’m pretty frustrated and irritable, but I’m doing okay. I think I’m going to go for 2 months, 3 if I feel I need longer. I want to make sure that my system is restored to the way it should be, so I’m laying off porn-less masturbation, and I’m trying not to fantasize too much. I’ll allow myself sex with girls if the opportunity arises, since the point is to replace porn with the real thing.

Porn, at its core, is much like any other addictive substance or behavior. Usually these things are brought into our lives in order to numb some sort of pain or discomfort we’re feeling. We then begin to rely on them and that is when we become addicted. The problem is that they work. They DO numb your pain, but therein lies the problem. You see, you can’t selectively numb an emotion or feeling without numbing every other emotion and feeling.
So even though these things dull the sting of vulnerability, loneliness, sadness, disappointment, and fear, they also dull the positive range of emotions like happiness, hope, joy, and love. I don’t want to speak for others, but if all you guys out there are anything like me, pornography for you is a way to specifically dull vulnerability.
I do not like to be vulnerable, especially when it comes to women. I do not like the feeling of rejection, or feeling like I’m somehow sub-par for a woman’s standards. Trace it back to some deep-seeded childhood trauma or what have you, I don’t know where it comes from, but I do know that pornography has been a way for me to take control of something that I’ve always felt was uncontrollable.
If you have a harem of digital goddesses back home, you no longer have to risk rejection from a woman, or put yourself in a situation to be judged by a woman, or make yourself vulnerable in a relationship with a woman. You now have full control of your sexual gratification, and you might even feel like you’ve bonded with those two dimensional beauties on your hard drive. Why risk anything when you’ve got 100% guaranteed satisfaction waiting for you a mouse-click away? There you go, problem solved.
Of course, your problems are just beginning. We all know this, or we wouldn’t be here. It’s a vicious cycle. Porn is used to increase security and control, but when it begins to cause things like E.D. and other performance issues, it ends up making you less sexually confident and, in turn, more insecure. The idea of going to bed with a real woman now becomes a terrifying prospect, one full of unpredictability and potential disaster, so naturally you rely even more heavily on your safe little hideaway at home.
But vulnerability is as important as air. The moment we’re born we’re vulnerable. It is as much a part of the human condition as anything. There is the old saying, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” If you aren’t willing to be vulnerable well, then, the only thing you’re likely to gain are some blurry eyes and a crumpled wad of tissue, I suppose.
A long time ago I knew this kid who never really thought twice about things. He’d express his feelings for girls he had crushes on and basically do whatever he could to win their heart, no matter the consequence. He risked it all like there was no tomorrow. But somewhere along the line I guess he got older, and then he started thinking twice, and then he started thinking thrice, and then before he knew it he wasn’t really willing to take chances anymore, so he hid behind a computer screen instead, wasting day after day after month after month after year after year, playing it nice and safe.
I want to be that kid again.

I am 19 year old and i never had sex in my life. I starter masturbating when i was 13 using porn and ever since i have been masturbating regularly to porn. I don’t consider myself a big porn addict, i don’t watch extreme porn and i could masturbate using my imagination, but the masturbation itself has destroyed my libido and gave me ED.
About 2-3 months ago I was a mess – I couldn’t get erect without touching myself, the erection was weak, i didn’t enjoy the masturbation at all, i had seminal leakage, and i would have an orgasm in less then a minute of masturbating, but even with all that i still masturbated 2-3 times per day. So i decided to take a break since whenever i had weak erections in puberty i would simply stop masturbating for a couple of days and i would be as good as new, but after 5 days it was all the same.
That is when i realized something was wrong with me. I googled it out – sexual exhaustion. I thought i had found the answer but it was not that simple. After about 2 weeks of no masturbation i got rejected by a girl and started masturbating again. Then i realized that i was addicted to porn. I mean, even my wet dreams during the period of no PMO were me watching porn. So i decided that my New Year resolution would be to finally get rid of my PMO problem.
I started on 08/01 and after a week I was having wet dreams and occasional morning wood, my libido did diminish but my wet dreams continued. Then after 2 and a half weeks – disaster. I masturbated in my dream and orgasmed! I was totally devastated that my brain was doing this. I tried to keep up but 3 days ago i relapsed and masturbated. Now i realize that this won’t go away that easily and that i really am badly addicted.
I don’t think the cause to my ED is porn, but porn is a contributing factor since my brain wants porn, and porn makes me want to masturbate badly, and masturbation is sexually exhausting me. I think that those couple of weeks without PMO did help since the masturbation i had today was not that bad, a I had a semi-strong erection and i did enjoy it but still it is not good enough, i am a porn addict and I need to carry on until the end. Therefore i choose to track my progress with you guys here since I need to be persistent, and i need to pull out of the claws of PMO addiction for good.
So here I am, here is my tracker, and my goal is to hold out for at least 2 months now. I hope you will support me since i have told no one about my problems as I feel ashamed I let this happen to me. Wish me luck guys and all the best!

21 yr old strugggggling
I am a Junior college student. I’ve been looking at Porn and masturbating since about 13/14/15 (somewhere around then). Never had problems in high school with ED or anything like that, but would still PMO. I had a gf from senior year HS until sophomore year and wanted to try out the single life in college like every man should (would still PMO while I was with her but sex wasn’t a problem). No issues at first but I guess PMO escalated (a few times a day) when I went home for the summer since there weren’t really any girls around. I had a reality check at the end of this past Fall semester. Typical story, went back from a party with a really hot girl and was fine until it was time to wrap it up, then I went limp. I was able to blame it on alcohol but I know that wasn’t the real issue since ive banged out really drunk before.
I’ve seen stories where people say they can get oral for awhile and not feel it, go limp with condoms, etc. Anyway, I’ve been trying to quit PMO for the past few months and have failed numerous times. I’m still with the really hot girl I went home with, and the sex has been alright (I’ve been taking L-arginine, yohimbe, horny goat weed, and Maca supplements) but I have failed a few times. I’m committed to cutting out P completely, and am very relieved that I have supporters on here and people to talk to on here. Can’t wait to be healed, but gotta get it done first. Thanks for reading…on with the journal.

LINK – My Day 48 Catharsis I’ve fought ED for the last 4 years or so. I had a long-distance girlfriend for the majority of that time, and PMO was overwhelmingly my main sexual outlet. Over that period, I became the textbook example of how porn can poison the mind and body of an otherwise incredibly healthy 20-some-odd year old guy. [TRIGGER WARNING] Before I started nofap, I would open ten tabs-worth of videos at a time and skip through each to find that “perfect” scene.
My taste in porn progressed from straight, to kink, to transexual, even to gay porn where the “straight” guy was “seduced” – all in the name of finding some novelty my brain hadn’t yet experienced (which became increasingly difficult to find). I questioned my sexuality and buried myself under a mountain of shame and confusion – just to get that next fix.
I suffered from bouts of depression, closed myself off from people, and started becoming a person I had never been before. In short, I was drowning in it. I never put 2+2 together until I read up on YBOP and the other information on r/nofap. I’m not sure what your motivations are to quit, but I personally had e-fucking-nough of the shame, anxiety, regret, and embarrassment that resulted from the copious amounts of artificial sexual stimulation I was taking in.
I have certainly had urges in the last 48 days… strong ones that took a lot of will power to overcome, but every time the thought has even crossed my mind to relapse, I just think of that shame and it has righted my course.
I don’t want to be that guy anymore that actively avoids sex with a girl sleeping right next to me because I’m terrified of not getting hard – again. I don’t want to have another conversation with a naked girl in a dark room where I have to tell her that my mind is just really all over the place because of work, money issues, et al.
I’m through with having to feign whiskey dick when I’ve only had a few beers. In essence, I’m sick and fucking tired of what porn and masturbation has done to me. So… I’m taking action to reclaim myself.
I’m only 48 days into this journey, but I have never been more sure that what I am doing is right for me than I am right now, despite the fact that I’m flatlining a bit at the moment. My confidence is soaring. I’m 756 pages into reading War and Peace. I’ve gotten into shape and begun the process of starting my own business. I’m getting out and meeting girls with a sense of self-assurance I’ve never had before. I’m trusting the system and it’s helping immensely. I haven’t had sex since I began nofap, but I know that when the time comes I’ll be ready to perform. I’m sure of it.
I wrote this post in part to let those of you who are struggling know that you aren’t alone. There will be difficult times ahead, but the payoff at the end will be invaluable. You can get back to who you were, or become something greater than you have ever been, sexually or otherwise. I urge you to stick with it and lean on this community when you’re having a tough go at it.
The support here has been my rock on more than a few occasions, and I’m sure it will be again in the future. I’ll see you on Day 90 and thereafter. AMA.

LINK – I’m a 35 year old and live in the UK. I have pretty bad sexual dysfunction: numb penis (a girl went down on me about 5 months ago and I literally couldn’t feel anything), no morning erections, no excitement, hardly ejaculate anything, can only get hard through using my hands and can only orgasm through manual masturbation (never into anything. I’ve experimented with dolls, melons, you name it lol…too numb). I have always been a heavy masturbator (throughout my adult life I rarely went a day without masturbating- sometimes 2 or 3 times) and have used internet porn more or less daily for the last, well, 5 years.
For the last 3 years in particular I’ve used internet porn very heavily. I also have bad social anxiety and the internet porn was becoming a sort of escape and substitute for real life. It was definitely making me depressed though; I got to the point where it was taking me up to an hour to orgasm. I was also on an SSRI anti-depressant for 10 years (Paxil). I didn’t really notice anything in my 20s as I had few sexual opportunities and was kinda depressed and didn’t really care.. But in October 2010 (when I was 33) I realised something was wrong (didn’t know what).
Since then I have been with 8 different women (2 of them stunning), one of them a relationship the rest just casual. With the help of viagra I was able to have sex about 4 times during those 18 months!! 😒 I got zero pleasure from those encounters however as my penis was hard (from the viagra) but totally numb.
My first thought was that it was the pills, so I cut down since last summer and stopped completely 2 months ago. Nothing changed though. I went on Paxil Progress (support forum) and found that many others had experienced exactly the same problems for months, even years, after quitting the pills. Anti-depressants seem to wreck the dopamine receptors (burns them with excessive serotonin), just like internet porn.
I later stumbled on to Gary Wilson’s videos and now don’t know what to think- is my sexual dysfunction the result of the pills, excessive masturbation and internet porn or is it just that I’ve spent so much of my life alone that being intimate with real women freaks me out? Or is it all of them? Right now, for the first time in 15 years, I am not masturbating, not using porn and not taking any anti-depressants.
On Wednesday I met a girl on a dating site- we drank wine, chatted and went to bed. I was attracted to her but it was hopeless. I just felt NOTHING: numb, dead, burnt out, bored…uggghhh. The next day I thought about her and masturbated twice (the erections were ok, but the numbness was total and the orgasm joyless- plus I ejaculate virtually nothing).
I feel as if my brain has been re-wired to associate orgasm with being alone and using my hands. I did try going 8 days without masturbating. When I finally did I came much more quickly then I had done in years, but I still felt numb and still hardly ejaculated anything. So here we go. I am sick of isolation and loneliness, sick of hiding away from the world, sick of poisoning my body and mind with pills to help me cope, sick of escaping into internet porn fantasy.
I want to be with a real woman and feel the thrill and excitement and pleasure of proper sex instead of just feeling detached from the whole thing. Pills, isolation and porn have left me feeling cut off and detached from people and nature- like an observer.

LINK – Hello everyone, I am new here and happened upon this site through various searches. Here is my story. I am hoping for some experience, inspiration and hope! As you know by my subject I am 40. I have always had some degree of anxiety manifested in insomnia and anti-social situations.
Addiction in my life has been huge. I am a recovering alcoholic of many years. I have not had a drink in 12 years. I have been on various SSRI’s which have delayed ejaculations but never had a problem getting hard. Currently I am on no SSRI’s. or other medications relating to lower libido levels. I have had Viagra, and Cialis prescribed for me, but they are very expensive. My history with masturbation is very long. I first discovered it when I was 13, and I have always been a chronic masturbator. Never more than twice a day, but nearly daily. I never had a wet dream in my entire life! Is it possible that this is because I took care of myself so well/often?
I was married at 20 and had ex for the first time on my life when i was 19. I married my first. I’ve always had a difficult time ejaculating vaginally – I think because I have a VERY firm grip on my penis – not nearly the strength of a female mouth or vagina. I have also never ejaculated in a condom. I also preferred masturbation over a “partner” because it was a sure way to please myself.
Before I divorced – my wife and I would masturbate together. I convinced her it was more fun than sex. After my divorce I was engaged a few years later in a long distance relationship. She was a virgin and I never had any difficulties “getting hard” – but again cumming inside of her was rare! So was seeing her for that matter as we were long distance. Since she was a virgin, she probably didn’t know what was “normal”.
Long story short – I am married again – to a former model. She is seriously striking – despite my attraction to her I still have a difficult time cumming in her. She thinks it’s a problem and lately it has gotten better. What hasn’t gotten better is my ED.
So here is my experience with porn. Until stumbling upon this forum I masturbated nearly once a day to internet porn. We work opposite schedules so I have a lot of time alone. Many of my sessions I will jerk off for 1-2 hours. I have all of the signs mentioned from these forums. Gay porn, mature porn, young porn etc. I am not gay or a pedophile so I know I use these sites for “shock” value.
Lately it is difficult to even get erect with the porn. Sometimes I’ll achieve orgasm while flaccid – immediately after the ejaculation my penis becomes erect. I didn’t know this was possible? Any experience with this? Even on high dosages of Cialis, I have a difficult time remaining hard during penetration. When I perform cunnilingus – which I enjoy – I go limp.
I had noticed some ED symptoms beginning about two years ago and they have gotten progressively worse. Morning wood mainly gone, although I haven’t watched porn in a week and 3 days I’ve had a semi hard-on upon wakening.
To add fuel to this fire we are having some marital problems and with my addictive, catastrophic thinking I’m going crazy. I have had no problem avoiding the porn – but I have masturbated twice in the past week based on visual scenarios about my wife. My spontaneous erections are gone and the last week my penis has been tiny. It is constantly retracted and cold. It also hurts a bit. The glans and the urethra.
I had a physical and my GP did a testosterone test. It is 340. He wasn’t concerned and told me it was a normal level and that I should see a urologist if I were concerned. I am going to see one next week. But between anxiety, marital problems and chronic masturbation, I am uncertain as to what the problem is. Most of my life I have also had another issue.
Occasionally – maybe 3X/year I get a wicked burn after ejaculation – usually vaginally. It burns for about an hour and sitting on the toilet and doing “mini-pees” is the only relief. It passes fairly quickly. Anyone have this?

LINK- Countdown to Freedom
This blog is going to part of many actions to control and eliminate my porn watching and masturbation habit. I have tried many times to stop and find it easy enough for a few days or for a week or two when on holiday, but once in front of a computer I always return to what feels like a sweet and deserved embrace of this lethal spider. I have masturbated since puberty (13 or 14 and I am 45 now) and didn’t feel like it was under control even then.
I had a general anxiety as a child (probably from a bullying environment at school and home and parents who although loving on therir terms lacking quite a bit in empathy and parenting skills) but I wouldn’t have called it anxiety or general anxiety. I would have called it shyness, inhibition, trouble getting to sleep and funny horrible feelings in my stomach going to school or when my dad was demanding something of me or putting conditions on things he would do for me. (‘you can go on the school trip if you paint the fence’ etc).
My first wank seemed to solve the sleeping problem. I looked forward to going to bed every day now instead of fearing it. But it effected my sleeping hours as I immediately noticed I was tired from staying up later (sometimes to sneak glamour photography books or mags out to gaze at while i rubbed myself.- Hard to believe that photography magazines where the porn for teenagers in early 80’s but they did me fine for a few years, until I had the courage and looks to buy porn at a corner shop. I felt I had joined the grown ups but pretty soon my friends were having sex and I was having none. I just wanked every night before sleep until I had a my first sexual relationship at 19.
Even then I would wank on the days between meeting up. I wondered if I could stop and I couldn’t. I was concerned but no overly. I wanked when I shared a room, in Youth Hostel Dorms, while camping. I just was able to gently tug, fantasise and come into a tissue. Nice, neat and clean. Sometimes the orgasm would be pitiful and I would feel unsatisfied but it didn’t stop me. I occasionally bought Porn Mags, Penthouse, Club, fairly softcore and I did not like being seen to like porn. I kept it secret.
Much of the stuff that male friends put on the video was fairly easy for me to distance myself from, the sort of stuff held under the counter at corner shops or found in parents bottom drawers. The girls weren’t that nice. the editing crap and unnatural. But I was really fascinated. It just didn’t sit with my fairly romantic, fantasy of how sex with women should be. But occasionally I would get a major desire to wank and would purchase mags and wank furiously to Orgasm, 2 or three times in succession. I once found my self in a Porn cinema in Cologne (disgusting clients but good porn) and a video booth sex shop in Cape Town. Both times the sight of the establishments had built up an unstoppable desire to visit over a couple of days. Needless to day I felt dirty and sullied afterwards and disappointed I was not the man I thought I was. This was it for years.
Girlfriends came and went and sex got good after initial fumbling- I was often ED for the first few sessions. Then in my thirties I started to get ED regularly, particularly around condoms. Getting a condom on was a mad rush as I lost stiffness quickly unless inside her and thrusting. This made sex a bit of an anxiety zone and I struggled to regain my previous confidence. A fair bit of medical attention (counselling etc) ended up with me on an SSRI at 34.
I had instance ejaculation problems. I was horrified that this was going to be a 6 month, 12 month who knows how long problem. I spoke to my GP but got no where. At this time I was back at UNI on a masters and on broadband and this magical thing the Internet. One day a innocuous search term brought up a video site where girls had someone come on their face. It is hard to put into words what emotions this raised in me. I could not believe it, I couldn’t believe women were like that. I wanted to meet one! Unfortunately it wasn’t long before I was staying late in the computer room to masturbate. Oh the shame!
But this made me come and thanks to the SSRIs I hadn’t been able to come with out furious, cock chaffing, headache inducing, foreskin swelling self stimulation. Later when I got my own Internet connection I fell into this pit of despair induced my mindless searching for hours, first pictures, then clips, then thru’ file sharing scratchy videos and now HD video of Japanese hardcore. If I abstain for 7 days (about my limit so far in 2 or three years of trying) the pull is there and the orgasm significantly better than with my girlfriend. So I have tried not searching for Covers or pictures and having a ready supply of videos so I can just spend 10mins on the habit, but every now and then I am up until 2 am and 3 am. (And I have done this with my girlfriend in bed in the same room!!). She thinks i am such a good worker.
Unfortunately I have suffered at work through tiredness and actually have probably lost a job over it and been made redundant form another. I have lost and engagement and am separated from my wife. I cannot say that it is not unrelated but of course there were other things involved too. So here goes. One day at a time, lets aim for 60 days at this time. Wish me luck, encourage me, love me. I hope I can be of help to others. That’s one reason I have decided to write this blog.

LINK – First of all, sorry for being another Re-booting, ED blogger, but I will balance it out and scour this site for other peoples blogs, and see if I can add any words of wisdom, or just support. I’m 22 (just turned), and I’m a virgin. Reason being is that I wasn’t overly popular with girls at all at school, so when I finally did attract one or two I got massive anxiety about getting it up quick enough, thinking that if a girl saw it ‘on the flop’ she’d think what!?!?
Little did I know they know just like you, that it grows!! Well to sum up, that held me back from losing my V for years! Fast forward to Jan ’12, I’m in Prague with a load of shag happy fellas (lucky gits) and first thing on the agenda is the red light district. I bought some herbal Viagra and tried to get myself warmed up before hand to some porn on my phone – nothing! Didn’t budge. Anxiety screwed me again. Later when it got to getting what you paid for, she started to give me oral, I relaxed massively, I thought screw it, just chill and I did! But nothing… And this is where it all began…..
I met this girl in a bar the next night, still in Prague, lives not too far from me back in London, and I’m not joking she is phenomenal in every sense of the word! That night we go bk too hers, and I don’t need to say it but it’s playing on my mind this is a redundant situation. To shorten this up, after dying to see her again all the next day I run into her again as I military marched 100ft in front of my friends to the bar we first met and ran into her on the way. We went back to hers again, and even though I laid in all the next morning with her and there was zero anxiety and still nothing – she believed my excuse of chalking it up to being completely drunk.
Cutting to the chase… Back home after going to extraordinary lengths we started to see each other for two months and during that time I started to regularly get erections with her!!! Never in my life have I ever gotten over anxiety and just got them BUT ….. – and HERE IS WHY IM WRITING, not once, not once did it get to 100% or hard enough for penetration, for almost the duration of the 8 weeks
I told her it was my T levels because of my excessive over training and dieting – wrong! Then I bought a MYTENRING which is a medical penis ring because I was determined I had a venuous leak (google both), as I also realised, as she pointed out, I had no morning wood, at first I just thought that’s standard there’s a girl around its anxiety, but it wasn’t cause I was felt safe with her. So after some googling i discovered a venuous leak is where your penis is having too much back flow of blood due to problems on a physical level, born like it, or hurt it, not sure, but makes it extremely difficult to get an erection, so a medical penis ring traps the blood, maintaining/ achieving an erection.
After it finally finished I resolved to get fixed and get her back. I will. On both counts. I always saw the brain on porn sites, but though too myself… ‘im not addicted? So can’t be my problem.’ but after finally indulging and reading and watching a couple of the videos on the site, it’s obvious I don’t need to be addicted, because it’s all I know! Porn and mast has been the only way I’ve O’d ever?!
My brain is wired to respond to that as its all I know regardless if I’m addicted. It became so clear. And too me further proof was that for a very long while I couldn’t get 100% erections even to porn because I wouldn’t go hardcore enough, I’m sure if I did, I would. And the final nail, which after looking up dopamine responses on ybop, is by the end I had about 3-5 videos running after searching through 20+ just to reach the end goal, otherwise I’d be there forever and never reach O.

LINK – I’d had a very happy life until this problem appeared in my life. Right now I am 26 years old, working already. I had a great childhood with no problemas at all. I had a very long relationship in my teenage age with a girl for around 4 years.
Everything was perfect with her until my ED problem started ocurring. I didn’t know the cause of that ED problem, and it totally ruined that relationship I used to have. Back then I used to be very confident of myself and my self-esteem, but everything changed with this ED problem., I you haven’t been with this problems you could not imagine how painful and frustrating is to carry wih this problem. I couldn’t take advantage of my college years.
I am a very optimistic person, and I have a lot of friends and everything, but this problem is starting to beat me. I realized this year that the cause, or one of the causes of this ED was porn and PO. When i read the situation of hundreds of people, everything made sense to me. So I decided to rebalance myself, change my lifestyle and grow up… I tried one time some months ago but after a couple of weeks the temptation beat me… I am taking things seriously now…
I’m going once in a week to a psychologist ad I really want to beat this addiction. So I’ll be writing every once in a while in this post, talking about this journey and for feeling like I have support from others that are going through something similar to me. Please ive me advices if you can… I really want to change my life..

Those are the words that keep me going throughout this 90 day process. I will beat my personal record of 14 days on Friday and these words remind me of why I am doing this – to make sex fun again. I’m so desensitized just the thought of sex doesn’t excite me. I remember making out with girls in college and thinking if really irrational thoughts and could not just simply relax and enjoy the moment. Even the 10 girls I had intercourse with in college, I could only cum in 1 of them and that was only because I had to think about porn to do it. I’ve never cum from a BJ or HJ or anything because I was just so desensitized down there. Honestly, I feel like I’m a virgin even though I’ve had PIV with 10 different girls (all when I was drunk – I’ve never been with a girl when sober, so that should be a good experience). I’ve felt guilty about being with 10 different girls, but then again they were all when I was drunk and I didn’t even enjoy the experience anyway because of my ED/DE and two of those girls were fat.
I am moving to the big city on Thursday and will be getting involved in lots of different organizations/hanging out with some good friends I haven’t seen in a while. I am hoping this will help me forget about all this crap. I’ve been trying to quit since February but have relapsed and relapsed until I realized that if I don’t do the full 90 day reboot, I will never enjoy sex again. I went without P for 2.5 months but was still MO’ing once a week and did not make any progress. I’ve been bored at home in a small town where I don’t really know anyone except my family so I feel like moving to the big city will help keep me busy. I will also be starting work a month later so that will help – but I want to have made at least 6 weeks of progress before I start because the PMO addiction causes irritability and an inability to think clearly and I don’t want to get upset at someone at work or be unable to do the work and get fired.

Couldn’t get it up
So basically I think I’ve come to the realisation that I have this porn induced ED. I’m 24 years old and I have pretty much been watching internet porn since age 15-16.
I never realised it before but for years and years I’ve been wanking myself to orgasm every day without even having a complete erection. It just isn’t necessary to orgasm so I guess my brain never gets that aroused. So anyway, I got a slap in the face a few days ago when I couldn’t get an erection with a woman.
Basically, I’m 24 and I was diagnosed with something aged 19. I was pretty seriously ill for years so I never had sex or had girlfriends. I had sex for the first time a couple of days ago and it was nothing like I expected. Couldn’t get an erection, not in her mouth, her pussy or her hands. Blowjobs aren’t what I thought they would be, nor was the sex. The condoms were uncomfortable and it was almost on the verge of mild pain. I couldn’t get past 1/3 erection the entire time and when I got back home that day I remembered the TED talks video on young men with ED and porn addiction.
So I’ve read a few posts and journals and I’m pretty much the same as all the other blokes on here, so I guess there’s nothing new in my post. Maybe I’ll just confirm some things I think I’ve realised in myself:
1. Don’t normally get complete erections when wanking. I can get them, yes… but most of the time I don’t.
2. Regularly wake up with no erection (doesn’t take too much to get one).
3. Can’t masturbate without being “ferocious”. I can’t wank myself to orgasm slowly.
4. Morning orgasm can sometimes take an hour to reach with many losses in erection
5. I find it very hard to get a 2nd erection in the morning after ejaculating, and takes ages to cum again.
6. Over the years I’ve slowly degraded in my sexual likes.
• Thought I was gay
• Thought I was bi (still not sure on this one, but I think not)
• Transsexuals (don’t know about this one)
• I now watch stuff that 5 years ago I found disgusting (really extreme/gross stuff)
Okay, so my apologies for saying I’ve “degraded”, then listing gay/bi/trannies. I’m not saying those are disgusting or lesser forms of sex or anything, I’m just saying I’ve lowered and lowered my standards and can pretty much wank to anything that has some form of sex in it. I do mean almost anything.
I’m also in denial about all this, ’cause I still can’t accept the fact that at 24, I’m struggling to keep an erection. I can’t even think myself to a hard-on any more. Years ago I could literally think of something sexy and be completely, fully erect. Nowadays, I need to ferociously wank, touch myself, have lots of hardcore porn going and even then, I still hardly ever get completely hard. Right now as I type this, I’m maintaining the 1/3 erection. I can feel it, it’s like I’m stalling. It’s like it gets stuck in 1st gear or something.
I haven’t tried eliminating masturbation yet, but I’m going to try starting now. I know I’m going to fail, but I’ve begun to eliminate porn starting yesterday and I’ve got to say, I’m not missing it yet. In fact, I don’t even enjoy watching porn any more, I find it so boring and repetitive. The girls always look average-bad to me now, the guys are always disgusting, the cameraman is always bad, etc., I just never get what I want from it now; never find “precisely” what I’m looking for.
So yeah, that’s my story. Sorry about the long post. I guess there’s no point asking things like “how long will it take to get my erections back?” ’cause I can see from all the other posts that it’s variable.
I do have one question though, I see some people claiming that it’s going to take 180 days + to get back to “normal”. Really? That seems excessively long, I can’t go half a year without an orgasm. Also, I have a question for those “in the know”. In the TED talks video and on Gary’s YouTube videos, he claims that there’s always a new thrill being sought, a new buzz, a new genre, new extreme, etc., so why is then that with real girls, there’s no excitement? I mean a real girl is definitely a “new buzz” or new type of sexual stimuli, yet when I got the opportunity to have sex, I couldn’t enjoy any aspect of it. I wasn’t even nervous or worried, I was excited and tried to enjoy msyelf and was pretty mellow and calm.
WTF.
Edit: I also want to note that when I had sex, there was absolutely no hope of reaching an orgasm. I always imagined I would have premature ejaculation with a real girl, but I think I’m the opposite.

New member, 34 days no PMO, the fight against ED, flatline from day 1. (Huge walloftext, apologies)
Easy! I’ll skip the usual lurker introduction and try and explain my journey from the get go.

I’m 24, so in the typical bracket of males (and females?) suffering the affects of the internet boom of the last decade. I must say, I don’t consider myself an outright porn/fap addict, I’ve always been able to pick and choose but circumstances meant it still became a regular and detrimental habit. Porn was pretty standard since being 14, nothing too extreme was ‘enjoyed’ but I can assure you that if I had a penny for every session, the next few generations of my family would never need to work again!
I’m thinking alot of this started for me during University. I’d broke up with my GF after my first year (for reasons unrelated to sex), and used my new found freedom (she was a bit clingy)… to fap and smoke weed. I spent the latter half of my teen years/early twenties in 2 relationships, lasting 2 years each (18 – 22). Sex was always healthy, although I can recall times of DE, which I saw as an advantage now and again. Basically, I’ve always been confident of my sexual ability and the girlfriends were pretty satisfied.
With the distance between me and my ex girl, my porn habit began to grow with my weed one. I began to lose interest in sex towards the end, something which I’ve begun to attribute to my new bad habits. Fast forward the years, graduating, I’ve yet to have sex since my ex. I had a difficult time, struggling with depression and mounting pressures of adjusting to the career and social world. Unfortunately I have a few demons from my past, it wasn’t easy growing up, so times got a bit dark for me at the start of 2012.
In and around this down period, I threw myself into the one night stand game, despite having no experience other than GF’s. 3 different girls, 3 different accounts of soul destroying ED. Somtimes I’d share a bed with a girl and not make a move, instead lying face down on my ‘60%’ strength boner to save the impending embarrassment.
Eventually I met a girl, who to me is one of the most beautiful girls I’d ever get the pleasure of getting nekkid with. She was a model 😉 Oddly enough she was quite awkward in the bedroom too, and suffered her own battles with depression. I’ve always been credited for making a girl feel comfortable, but my insecurity was killing this feel good factor. After months of fooling around and me not rising to the occassion more than once, it’s now old news.
During my darker days I saw it all – No libido, almost forgetting what a boner felt like, having to physically stimulate myself to porn, tugging away for over an hour to no ‘conclusion’ without porn. I felt like a husk of a real man, which then kick started a bit of HOCD despite never even having a ‘gay phase’ and being consistently comfortable with my sexuality.
Bla bla, August 16th came around and was the first day of NoFap. I immediately hit a flatline, and was an angry guy for the first few weeks. I even ended up flooring and strangling my annoying housemate outside a club one night, this coming from a very placid guy. At 34 days in though, I can say I feel a little different. My tackle is definitely a bit more sensitive to the touch, and morning wood does happen every other day if only for a very short time and not at full power – sometimes I keep putting my alarm on snooze so that I can lay there and keep encouraging the inner beast – which isn’t an attempt to fap, just enjoyment of feeling that bit of libido again!
Despite these minimal steps forward, I still feel a large case of social anxiety most days. And my libido could be better. However I think this could be down to the fact that I’ve spent my Summer shut away working from home (Im a Graphic Designer), yet to be paid, so my leisure time is none existent. Even with days on end working from the laptop, I’ve yet to have an overwhelming urge to get on the porn. Not to mention I live with 3 other lads, so the sex drive is yet to properly kick in.
I’ve lost focus now but I’m trying to document my thoughts, and hopefully shed some light for those who are also flatlining from the word go, as I’ve not seen much written about it after the ‘3 DAYS IN AND IM A LION’ threads. If you’ve read this far, cheers for the effort, if you’ve skimmed – fair enough aha.

Erection Disfunction (ED) monitoring thread
I’m very curious about this in particular as that’s my main reason for doing the challenge.
I’d like to approach this in a clean fashion without too much text. I’ll provide a format below (corrections can be suggested and I’ll edit the post). I may make a statistical summary after enough have posted, or if someone qualified volunteers he may do it better. So, just copy paste the code all the way below my own entry, fill it in and it’ll come out with all the bold text and item sorting as above, once you post it.
Profile
Age: 27
Sex: Male
Masturbation profile
Start & context: 13 (magazines), at 15 (almost exclusively pornography)
Frequency: once a day
ED symptoms: no morning erection, no wet dreams, no spontaneous erections in public inspired by attractive women, the penis is not fully hard during sex or masturbation, can ejaculate in a near flaccid state.
Time into NoFap treatment: first try 30 days, now at 13
Response to NoFap treatment: so far none
So now you can copy paste the code below and fill in your profile so we can track this quantitatively. 🙂

I’m 29 years old and was using porn from the age of 14/15. I was one of the first people I knew to be hooked up to the internet and even when we started out at that young age, it was quite extreme stuff. My friend somehow managed to get us hooked up with crazy things through IRC and at that young age, it was mind melting and I had no idea the damage I had started to do…
From there I never stopped and I guess looking back I got into fetish stuff pretty early on, probably as young as 15.
As fate would have it, I was born with a slight birth defect which prevented me being able to have sex. The medical term is Phimosis which is basically the foreskin being too tight to come all the way back. I had various encounters from the age of about 16 where I would lose the ability to get it after not being able to penetrate due to pain.
Had no idea what was wrong but it took me till the age of 20 to figure it out and then finally had circumcision to fix the problem.
So got the age of 20 without being able to have sex but with 5 solid years of frequent internet porn.
Throughout my 20s I’ve had various girlfriends, some long term and had sex with more than my fair share of women but on almost every occasion had almost no feeling in my penis until ejaculation and when I came, it was never that great a sensation. Certainly not as powerful as masturbating to Porn!!
I put that down to the partners I had been with, me not being into it enough or me just not really liking SEX.. LOL…
Then, as I approached 25 and the porn use continued to rage on and the porn definitely became more and more extreme. I eventually started to struggle for an erection in sexual encounters and after a while, I couldn’t get it up when looking at porn. After some despair I found Your Brain on porn, that was last year. LINK TO THREAD

*I’m a 20 y.o male undergrad who graduated from high school at a young age (15). *
I’ve been fapping ever since the first time my brain tricked me into doing it in the shower, I had no social training about it as I grew up with crazy religious parents and nerdy friends.
I quickly moved onto clothing brochures, then pornographic computer games (DOS) and finally onto the internet at around the age of 16.
I had really low confidence in high school and I thought I was ugly and never once had a girl that was interested in me (or so I thought).
I went through 3 years of university without initiating in any relationships due to not having the desire and also the fear of rejection and fear of women who I thought would ruin my life after seeing family breakups. This skewed my perception of course.
Anyway, my first time having sex was with an escort who was a quick 30 minute ‘bang’ and I cried driving home.
I then went on to having sex with 6-7 various brothel girls whenever I would go out clubbing with a few friends.
Whenever I would have sex with these gorgeous beautiful women (high class escorts which are legal in this country), I would get basically no pleasure from the sex, looking and touching at their bodies was practically boring and mundane even though these were the girls I dreamed about as a 12 year old horny teenager.
I would usually orgasm and leave but a few times I couldn’t even manage it, I would end up just masturbating myself and finishing that way.
I should have had alarm bells going off at this point, but I blamed it on sex being un-interesting and the fact that I had to be emotionally connected to the girl to get pleasure.
Cut to about 4 months ago when I met a girl working in same field as myself at a pub crawl, we hit it off and she messaged me, I took her on a bunch of dates and I didn’t even kiss her or touch her.
Finally she came over to my place and we made-out which ended up with me fingering her several times and making her orgasm.
This went on for a few times and eventually we were in bed together and I had been rock hard for a good half an hour making out with this gorgeous girl.
As soon as I put a condom on and she got on top of me I went soft, and lost my boner.
She was annoyed but just went to sleep.
A few more times we tried this and every time would end with me getting her off but when I would try and fuck her nothing would happen.
She got really upset and called me a lot of names among them *‘gay’** and that I wasn’t attracted to her, etc.*
I left her house in tears and only saw her a few more times briefly before we lost contact.
*It hit me like a anvil to the gut, I was ready to kill myself. I had failed as a man, I failed as a lover and friend *
After a few weeks I started blaming her on the breakup and saying that she should have given me more chances and more time to talk about was going on.
In the end she may have been harsh, but it was an issue that had to do with my head, and although it would have been helpful for her to work it out with me – I need to fix this on my own.
I told her that I masturbated a lot and that I would stop but she just said that it wasn’t meant to be, and stopped calling me.
I tried not masturbating for 4-5 days straight and I even read stuff on this sub-reddit, but eventually I would relapse and it would be glorious, I could orgasm from just watching a passionate porn clip.
Every time I would say that it’s the last time, tommorow I will stop. But I always relapse.
After watching the TED talk about dangers of porn addiction it made me realise that unless I can turn my life around, I will be plagued by issues for the rest of my life.
I have no dignity and confidence in myself as a guy at the moment but I know that I can build it back and turn my life around.
It’s been 30 hours since I last masturbated and although I haven’t deleted all my porn I have made a pledge to myself that this time is the big one.
My life depends on it after all.

Journal for mutual support
My history with porn: like many here, I started watching porn at the age of 13 (I’m currently 23). Needless to say, it was shocking and got me hooked at first glance.
First porn I ever saw was what I’ll safely describe as a “fetish orgy”. Totally mindblowing for a 13 old boy. I’m not surprised that this fetish became a part of me; pretty much every porn video I’d watch would include this specific practice. It was the high point of the whole thing for me.
But it was about 3 years ago, when I put a computer on my own room, that things got out of control. Access to porn became too easy; at any time of the day I could simply lock my door and PMO for one hour or two. It started with 1 to 2 times a day and eventually escalated to 3 to 6.
Words cannot explain how deluded I was. Masturbating 6 times a day didn’t seem wrong or abnormal to me. In fact, it would make me feel like a sex beast. I’d think things like “when I have a girlfriend she’ll struggle to keep up with me”.
But of course, it would all lead to…
Porn-induced numbness and ED: I’m currenly struggling with the inability to feel aroused by real women. I know in my mind that I find them attractive, but it’s like the sexual attraction is locked inside a cage in my brain and cannot be spread to the rest of my body. I cannot feel it physically, so to speak.
At first I’d think that I was simply being selective (I have high standards for girls and I don’t see that as a problem), but after stumbling by accident into YBOP I’m 100% sure it’s porn-related. After so much porn my brain has forgotten how to feel attracted by real girls.
Porn abuse also killed my “drive”. Along the years I’ve become more and more antisocial, to the point of never going out for anything other than going to college or the gym. College also became a daily sacrifice. I started to hate it because I had to leave home for the sake of it.
Rebooting: after two failed attempts (a 6-day streak, then relapse, then a 7-day streak and another relapse), I decided it was time to get serious.
I first deleted all the porn on my computer. It is simply impossible to reboot if you have anything left. It’s like trying to fight alcoholism with a bottle of Johnnie Walker staring at you from the top of your shelf.
Withdrawal symptoms: I’m currently starting the reboot and it seems the urges to masturbate go up and down like a seesaw. From previous attemps I can say that it is harder at the beggining (2 to 4 days); then it gets easier and then hard again. Still up to more observation about the issue.
I noticed that I can easily resist triggers but got some issues with flashbacks. They almost drove me insane during my first attemp but were just a bother during the second one. I feel it’s becoming gradatively easier to fight them.
Benefits from rebooting: on my longest streak so far I noticed a few minor benefits, the best one of them being that I could speak louder and clearer. Always had problems with that, and it’s incredible that it could actually get better from abstaining from PMO. I want my loud, clear voice back.

Personal Journal – Really need to do this!
Ok, let me start. Straight to the point.
I am 24 years old, and always though there was a problem with masturbation and porn. Thing is, guess what, each time I tried to talk of this problem to friends or even my parents, they though I was crazy since ”everybody watches porn and masturbates”.
Why not? Then I had my first serious relationship, lasted 4 years and a half. I never had any ED problem or even trouble getting turned on since I was deeply in love and I have a very high sex drive. But still, something was bothering… even when we had sex 2 times in the day, it wasn’t fulfilling. I orgasmed, sometimes prematurely, but I still needed to go for porn and masturbation.
I wasn’t ashamed of it, I even talked to her about this problem : WELL I recall her answer as if it was yesterday : ”Honey, this is not a problem. That means you are normal… if you weren’t doing this, I’d believe you are not a man”. And I am a med student, coming from a high social background and I met my girlfriend at the university… And she was also coming from a wealthy high social background.
I seriously though I WAS CRAZY FOR THINKING THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME! This was 5 years ago.
Relationship ended, for its reasons, met other woman… still the fapping problem and the porn problem kept growing. Little by little until stopping it BECAME totally impossible… I could spend complete DAYS fapping. Then, it started taking me time I used to invest at work, at gym, going out with friends and even studying. I knew from the very beginning there was something wrong with this shit, but I was too young and stupid seeking for someone else validation before starting to take care of it.
Nowadays, I have to admit something : I am addict. Totally addict not only to porn, but to masturbation. I don’t even orgasm anymore when I masturbate. It feels good, but there isn’t anymore that mind blowing orgasms I used to have.
I am trying to withdraw for now 2 years. Each time, it is the same story… I get out for 7 days, 10 days, then go on fapping and soon I am back watching porn.
I started a serious withdrawal since discovering Yourbrainonporn 10 days ago. I didn’t watch porn since then but masturbated Four times today. The problem is, I noticed, a vicious circle : I mean I stop for 10 days, mood swings ARE HORRIBLE and if I let myself Fap only once, I know I am gonna go for at least three times in the same day, and this can last a Week.
Ok, I am deep in it.
No motivation, lazyness, brain fog (and trust me, my grades have been dropping BAAAAD. I used to be the second of the whole crowd of med students at the university, nowadays I am among the last ones.)
So this is a life change experience. I need to get back on track OR I AM GONNA LOOSE EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. This is not about getting out of simple masturbation and porn, It is about saving my ass because I have huge responsabilities, a stressfull job and I can’t afford to not be myself.
I went to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression, and I took the treatment. But didn’t work.
FIRST : Thanks a lot to this community. Because I knew I wasn’t crazy, and now I am discovering I am not alone. I really though I had a psychiatric disease or some serious stuff like that since I feel alone, really alone in my though thinking there is a problem with porn and masturbation.
Second : I NEED HELP. Serious HELP. I know I am gonna do the job and I have a serious plan to get out of this.
I am keeping a journal because I don’t want to lie anymore, not to myself nor to anybody. I wanna be free and this starts by admitting mistakes.
So I am on day 11 no porn and I can keep the hang of it (control installed on both pc and mobile, I don’t have the passwords so can’t change them).
But I also BELIEVE (and I don’t give a shit anymore about what people think since this experience, I know I am right and studies will agree with me later I am sure of that) THAT I am addicted TO MASTURBATION AND THIS IS BAD.
So I am on day 1 for masturbation.
I keep track of this on www.dontbreakthechain.com. If this can help anybody.
Since I am in the medical field, I think I am gonna try and modelize a SYSTEMATIC APPROACH In withdrawal with this shit.
I mean it hurted me so much in all the fields of my life, the firlst 10 days were horrible, I FELT despair, serious despair Like I wanted to kill myself just to end the pain I was feeling and that I couldn’t even describe. The mood swings tends to make me crazy.
Well, trust me this is a hard path and I hope my story will make anyone take conscience THAT IT IS POSSIBLE
This is the introduction, a bit random and foggy, the next of the journal will me more concise and the words carefully chosen. This is where I am right now, hope you will follow me in this journey (out of hell!!).

Day #56: I’m becoming someone else.
I’ve reached more than twice my largest streak of 26 days without porn. I’m starting to forget what it looks like. Sure, I still have urges to masturbate but nothing seems to make me look to porn anymore.
I learned that porn won’t fulfill me. Maybe I can watch it to feel good all the time but it won’t make me into the man I’m meant to be. Taking control of my life is going to fulfill me. Being centered in my own reality (hobbies, school, traveling, etc.) will fulfill me. Hiding from life with pornography just doesn’t make sense to me anymore.
When I get on the bus & sit next to a cute girl, I typically get an erection. I missed that the most. I don’t understand why porn causes ED but it’s like I’m back in high school. I’m older now so I can’t have the porn without the ED.
I learned that porn will not make me happy. Those girls don’t care about me. What’s worse is that I didn’t care about them. I would just expect them to heal my pain but that’s not possible. It’s just endless stimulation, a distraction, an illusion that I had control over life.
Abstaining from porn is forcing me to change into someone who is able to simply get high on life, one day at a time.

Hello Star! I can’t believe I made it to one month!: new girlfriend, beating PIED, finally starting to feel like a real man.
30 days of nofap. Unbelievable. Today I feel like a real man when I walk in the streets; I have confidence, I look at people in the eye, I establish random conversations with strangers, I feel so much better about myself and I’m always wanting to get out of the house and do things outside, explore new places, etc.
One year ago I was in a horrible depression after my wife left me; today I am a new man ready to begin a new life with my girlfriend. Morning wood is back every morning, my PIED in bed is pretty much gone except for a bit of anxiety during PIV intercourse, but nothing major. All thanks to you guys and the nofap community.
I still have a long way to go to fully recover from PMO (sex drive still a bit low, some numbness down there, performance anxiety, dopamine receptors regrowing… you know), but looking forward for my next goal: 90 days.
The best: I have zero desire to fap, it’s just like that option isn’t even there.
TL;DR: nofap is gradually changing my life for the better and I’m not looking back!

The river of life and the fat of the land…

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