Rebooting Accounts: Page 2

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This is our second page of rebooting accounts. See our original Rebooting Accounts page which contains about 2,000 more recovery stories. Most of the accounts that address ED (erectile dysfunction) or DE (delayed ejaculation) mention them in the title.

In addition to the main rebooting account pages, many more recovery accounts are found in these six sections, and scattered throughout the website:

  1. This page contains "advice columns" written by recovering porn addicts
  2. This page contains links to off-site blogs and threads chronicling recovery from porn addiction.
  3. A few 90-Day+ Reports from reddit.com NoFap
  4. 8 pages of shorter stories describing recovery from porn-induced ED: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.
  5. The Other Porn Experiment - Below the article read several pages of short stories and "rebooting benefits"
  6. In addition, there are many mini-accounts in What benefits do people see as they reboot?

Commonly used abbreviations:

  • ED = Erectile Dysfunction
  • PIED = Porn-induced Erectile Dysfunction
  • DE = Delayed Ejaculation
  • PE = Premature Ejaculation
  • PMO = Porn, Masturbation, Orgasm
  • MO = Masturbation & Orgasm
  • HOCD = Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • SOCD = Sexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
  • gf - Girlfriend
  • SO = Significant Other
  • Fap or fapping = Masturbation

Comments

I'm 46 years old, married 21 years with 4 kids. Porn use started in the '80's in college with the occassional Playboy or Penthouse, or rented VHS tape. Porn never really "consumed" my life...until high-speed internet came along...then it became an addiction - maybe not as serious as some I've read about - but an addiction none the less. I came clean with my wife about 10 years ago. She was understandably hurt and resentful. It almost ended our marriage in fact. I promised her that I would stop, and I have been living that lie ever since. About a year ago, ED crept into the picture. I had never had a problem with it, so it was a shock the first time I lost erection during sex. Then it happened again, and again. I panicked, then tried to blame my age, anti-seizure medication, stress, etc. I don't know, maybe those are factors, but when I stumbled across YBOP, I began to strongly suspect the porn use. I quit P and M 18 days ago. I've had one semi-successful sexual encounter with my wife after week one. The next day, we tried again and I lost erection after penetration. The performance anxiety is overwhelming now. She says she is afraid to want sex now, because she sees my failure as rejection of her, no matter how much I try to tell her otherwise.

I am determined to make this journey, but I will have to do it "alone". I cannot tell her. It will surely end our marriage this time, as she is extremely self-conscious. I know I'm in the early stages of my reboot, but the past 2 days, I've been severly depressed and anxious. I'm in an obvious flatline. My labido is dead. She tried to initiate sex 2 nights ago, but I had to turn her down. I just feel nothing. This is so disconcerting for me, because we've always been very sexually active.

I hope this passes soon. I'm afraid she is just going to give up, because she thinks that I've given up. I went to the doctor 3 weeks ago and had anti-anxiety meds and Cialis prescriptions thrown at me. The ED has been the hardest part, because of the resulting performance anxiety. I come to YBOP daily for encouragement; especially from the other middle-aged guys I've read about. I'm at the point where I wonder if any sexual feelings will ever return. Any encouragement is welcome. Will report back later...

with no performance pressure? Daily affection with no attempt at intercourse until week three.

Read these, and I think you'll get the idea:

The Lazy Way to Stay in Love

Lovers' Ultimate Sex Hack: Karezza

If you need a formal program for 3 weeks, this book has one:

http://www.reuniting.info/cupids_poisoned_arrow

Inspiration: Guys Who Gave Up Porn: On Sex and Romance

Good luck!

Thanks for the response. I will definitely check out the links.

I am not ready to share all my thoughts and feelings with the world, but I will say this: My wife and I are excited to implement the reboot and are thankful for this community and its resources!

fireflower

I want to start by thanking God for leading me to this site. Am I "cured"? No. Still battling ED and performance anxiety (I believe this will improve with time). But, thank God, porn has lost it's grip on my life. That, in and of itself, is a major accomplishment for me. I have had zero desire to look at porn from day 1 of my reboot, I think mainly due to awakening to the reality of what I was doing to myself. I have learned also to "bounce" my eyes away from triggers like provocative billboards and magazine covers. I do it now without thinking.

I can see the self-pity reflected in my previous post, and it honestly makes my a little nautious. I did this to myself. It's not my wife's fault, it's not my children's fault, it's not stress from work, or medication, or age, etc... It was my lack of self control that has brought me here. However, I'm thankful to be here, and I truly believe I am on the mend. I can literally feel my brain rewiring.

After week one, I became severely depressed. I experienced the flu-like body aches that I've seen others describe on this site. I can attribute it to nothing else other than withdrawal. Today, for the first time, the depression has lifted a bit. The brain fog seems to be clearing somewhat also. Even the psoriasis, which I've dealt with for years, seems to be clearing up.

I know I'm preaching to the choir, but this is a real addiction folks. I commented on another thread last week that I was only a "modest" porn user (whatever that means). I think I was delusional and trying to rationalize. I was addicted - period - end of story.

I know I have a long way to go yet, but, with God's help, I know I will make it. I know there is a better "me" waiting on the other side of this mountain.

I am 28 years old guy. after reading articles on YBOP, i decided to quite porn.I used a simple technique to prevent myself from porn. I sell my laptop and as a result i successfully quite the porn. I was very motivated at that time. I quite for 6 months but unfortunately i relapsed . Now i masturbate more than before. the main reason that trigger me again was to buy again a laptop. Now i do not know how to handle this situation. I tried using different webfilter but all in vain. because when i am aroused i uninstall these filters and start watching the porn. should i again sell my laptop ? how can i handle myself in worst case situation? please give me any advice.
Thanks

Maybe try these first -

1. only use your laptop in public places, such as coffee shops and libraries

2. use any cues as a chance to train your brain: Exposure Response Prevention Therapy (extinction)

3. Get professional help or join a support group. This is a very common problem today - and nothing to be ashamed of. But find a sensible therapist or group. Some are in denial about porn causing problems. http://yourbrainonporn.com/discussion-board

4. When you have an urge:

It gets easier after a few weeks, as you know from last time. Good luck.

Hi everyone!
I'm a 25 year old male and I want to post my story because if there's a chance it could reach someone who is in a similar situation and help them, I would be really happy. Also I've been struggling with porn addiction for so long now, I need to do something to mark the occasion that I will never look at porn again in my life.
I was probably 13 when I started masturbating, not long after I found hardcore porn but that was before people had more than 1 computer in their house so you still had to work hard to get porn and it felt deserved! Years go by until I'm 17 and I lose my virginity. I was probably suffering from DE but I didn't know that at the time and I thought I was amazing! I had a big dick, I could go six times per day. I could last 40 minutes with this girl staying constantly hard. Bearing in mind my porn use was still consistent but not considered a problem at all.
After my first sexual partner, I went through a three-year dry spell which is probably the time things went badly wrong. My porn use rose dramatically and when I was nineteen, I was taking anti-depressants for about 9 months. So while I was on the anti depressants, my libido died completely. I couldn't get hard and I didn't feel interested anyway. I think at this point the porn I was watching became more hardcore and I started feeling ashamed afterwards. I stopped taking the anti depressants (not because of the libido, but I felt better mentally) and after about 3 months, my libido returned but at a fraction of what it used to be. I think this is because of the increasing extremity of the porn I was watching, especially while on the anti depressants.
Things in my life got better and when I was 20-21. I had several sexual partners (mostly 1 night stands) and each performance was dreadful. I always blamed it on alcohol but i'm sure it was PIED. My main problem was maintaining an erection. I could usually get it up but I could never keep it. I was also noticing my flaccid penis size was much smaller than it used to be (I was always really proud of the size of my dick and this has taught me that you can lose anything) Eventually I figured out that I would have to not masturbate for a couple of days if I was going to perform at all. I visited the doctor and told him that my refractory period is unusually long and he put it down to my age?! So I brushed it off as normal and lived my life believing I was crap in bed. During this time, the kind of porn I was watching was making me deeply ashamed and guilty. To the point that suicide looked like a good way out. If it wasn't for my past battle with depression like this, I think these feelings could've gotten really out of control.
I met my girlfriend when I was 22 and we've been together for nearly four years. We're engaged and I feel really good about our relationship (despite obvious problems in the bedroom). I've told her about these problems and I'm very very lucky to be with someone so supportive. When we started seeing each other I didn't watch porn so much so my performance was... still awful but enough to maybe consider normal. It wasn't until about 2 years ago when I searched for reasons why my refractory period was so long that I understood I have a porn addiction. Since then I've had about a hundred stuttering attempts to stop watching porn. Last year I managed four months and saw all the benefits, I actually got a random erection while food shopping?! (That was the first time anything like that happened in about 5 years). I must've thought I was cured when underneath I was still deeply addicted. Since then it's been ups and downs of either watching porn intensively or not at all. I think it's probably important to mention that until about last year, alcohol was a big part of my life which is yet another issue I'm dealing with. Interestingly, waking up hungover and horny as hell was the source of a lot of my relapses so I'm now very careful with alcohol.
Sorry it's been long but understanding how I got here is important for me and maybe it could be for someone else. The point is that I'm not watching porn again. Ever. I want to stay true to this written promise and I want to live a happy normal life. More and more I realise that you can't do anything to change things that have already happened, all you can do is change things that are going to happen. Relapse has been the bane of my existence for the past year, so now I'm being a man and taking responsibility. It's my poor choices that got me to this stage and it'll be my right choices that gets me out. This website has been an unbelievable help to me and I'm going to come back here when things get rough. Thanks to everyone else for sharing their stories. I'm positive, I feel strong and I know I'm going to do it this time.
At this stage I'm at about 9 days in and I think I'm flat-lining hard. Scary times but there's no going back now.

Hello, everyone. I never thought I would be an addict. I never knew I was one. In my past I went through cycles of smoking, drinking, but never once was I ever "addicted," or so I thought. I could stop cold turkey. Never once has it ever dawned on me that, hey bro, you got a problem and it's probably from the porn you've been watching since you were...13? I've always been horny growing up. I remember looking through the catalogs of my sisters latest lingerie magazine just imagining what it would be like....then of course, once the internet came along my imagination took me further down that path. I would say my curiosity hasn't really changed much regarding categories of porn. I would say it has somewhat stayed the same...I have watched hentai, etc, however, I was never really much interested in those. Mainly pornstars were my thing. I'm 32 going on 33 now and I'm still going. I never really thought about it because I've done it so long now, but I only fap to porn. If I tried right now, honestly, I'm sure I'd need assistance. I have sex occasionally, but the latest it was pretty bad. (It was a few days ago, actually) Like others before me, I couldn't/can't stay hard and it was/is embarrassing for me. I just chalk it up to, hey man, you suck in bed. Live with it. It never really dawned on me that porn has an adverse effect on something like that. Call me crazy, but I honestly didn't. I was completely oblivious to the issue here. I'm really glad I found out and stumbled upon this site, it truly is eye-opening. I will be forever grateful to anyone for support and assistance to help me get through this. I am serious, I want change. Today is my official first day of the purge.