The longest streak I had was over 130 days. Life was MUCH better. I did things more often. I smiled, laughed, and was ready to attack life with a renewed figure. Then one day, I looked, I fapped, and I fell. Part of me thought, “What if I just look a little. Will it be like before?” Yes, it was much worse, and the addiction came raging back.
What I learned:
A. Porn creates Zero Days vs Productive Days
I had days of doing nothing when I fell back into porn abuse. I was tired, unhappy, horny, and really only cared about myself. It was much different when I was not using porn.
B. Porn Addiction is Always There
I never really recovered from porn addiction, but I learned how to handle it, avoid triggers, and I make it not an option for many months of my life. As soon as I was willing to fall back into the patterns of porn addiction, porn addiction was ready to welcome me back.
C. Fapping is Not the Problem
After a few months, I fapped to the simple pleasure of fapping and the need to get off once a week. I felt good after getting off, and I did not need to get off to feel the dopamine hit felt during porn addiction and edging. Porn caused me to feel hyper-sexualized where I felt the itchy or crawling skin feeling all day until getting off. I felt like my body was buzzing until I could get my fix. The fix was never enough with porn, and I always needed an outlet or external stimulation to get off. When I just fapped without porn, it was more than enough.
D. Online Dating and Instragram are Triggers
There was something about endlessly surfing OKCupid or Plenty of Fish that felt like porn addiction. The same feeling occurred while I surfed Instragram. Online dating became a source of checking, checking, checking, messaging, checking, messaging, checking, and exchanging numbers. I did fairly well on those sites, but I came after the woman from a porn addicted frame, and it scared many of them off. I saw them as objects for my pleasure and not as humans who wanted to meet someone. I realized that I was talking to women simply because I wanted to sleep with them, but dreaded dating them or even meeting them because of their profiles and lives. That had to stop.
E. Porn Addiction Made Me Socially Alone
I could be out with a friend, at my parents, or even at my job, and I was not present in my life. My mind was elsewhere. It was rolling through addiction and it wanted its fix. Not being present in life is one of the man reasons I went porn free originally. I’m a social guy, and when I am using porn, I am less than social–I’m distant. I like talking to people. I miss who I was when I was porn free.
F. I Gave Up Drinking
Drinking became a crutch for me and made me feel like I had a foggy head. I wanted to use porn to cope with the feelings of a hangover–and I get terrible hangovers no matter how much I drink. Giving up drinking allowed me to continually gain life experience points and avoid having to restart every week.
LINK – Made it over 130 days; what I learned
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