Internet porn has had me trapped for about the last ten years. Looking back now it’s like I’ve been in a dream all that time. I can’t believe I didn’t see how shallow it was, how it was just an addiction with no substance, literally just empty pixels on a screen, it’s like I was fapping to a pile of breadcrumbs.
I’m really proud to have gone this long without fapping! The idea that I needed to fap to cope with life was a huge part of my negative self image, and it just isn’t a part of me any more – which is fucking great! Social anxiety was my main reason for trying NoFap, and that is greatly reduced.
I still need to work on it some more but there are things I can do now that would have been impossible before. Like when I’m at a social event I will look for people to talk to and then happily walk up to them and say hi – I don’t even stress about it. Maybe some of you won’t understand what a big deal that is! But believe me for me it is literally life changing. Maybe it’s placebo effect, but it doesn’t matter!
Now I’m free. I’m not always happy, I’m not a superhero, but I do feel like I make better decisions, I feel like I’ve grown a pair, I feel slightly more likeable. I’m a little more resilient, I don’t give up as easily.
I’m just more comfortable in my own skin, warts and all.
Phew, 90 day report done 🙂
Keep going people, the view’s good from here, and getting better.
LINK – 90 day report 🙂
by anewdawn
UPDATE
Back onboard after a relapse at day 138 and a bit of a rant at myself.
While I’m not beating myself up at relapsing, getting that far was great and more than I thought I could achieve before I started, I am beating myself up about looking at porn again. I’ve not gone back to anything like the amount of time I spent on it before finding Nofap, but the whole thing is just demeaning. It just depresses the hell out of me to know I go and look despite wanting to leave it with all my heart. It’s the way it has such power over me, I don’t need this shit in my life dammit! I can do this, I just need to concentrate.. and rant a bit! Thanks for listening, and good luck with your journey, hope you’re doing better than me at the moment – roll on day 3.
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