Some Background: 16 y/o male. Started PMOing around 14, so around the time i entered high school, maybe for 2 and a half years I’ve been PMOing. I already had pretty low self-esteem entering high school.
I had two groups of friends…the ones I wanted to hang out with, and the ones I really got along with, so I was floating around most of the time. HS comes and I start to gravitate towards the ones I get along with well, but PMO kind of hindered my growth. I would spend my days watching TV, playing videogames, PMOing once a day and doing homework and getting decent grades. On really bad days I would just wonder what the point of it all was…life was so unenjoyable at many times. Social anxiety, low self-esteem…you know the rest.
What Brought Me Here
I noticed that it was extremely difficult for me to achieve orgasm without porn, and masturbation was so unpleasurable without porn. I was also using no lube and using what I found was the death-grip…oops. I think deep down I’ve always wanted to stop, but after seeing that I might be completely densensitizing my dick, I got worried. After some surfing, I discovered YBOP and then NoFap. Seeing all these stories of increased confidence and social anxiety disappearing prompted me to get started.
So It Begins
I went 8 days at first. Weeks went by with relapse after relapse for about 3 months. During this time I noticed how much happier I was. How much more willing I was to do stuff. I started to really enjoy talking and socializing with people. After about a month I got a huge crush on this girl, which I never had since middle school. I remember this one girl during my PMO days where I thought I liked her…but I really just wanted to fuck her. I soon learned that fantasizing and lusting over someone is different from actually liking someone. You get this warm feeling instead of a begging, lustful kind of feeling. I missed that. I went about 33 days and relapsed. After that I went all the way to 90. What got me here was just the knowledge that porn basically lowered my self-esteem, and made me so lethargic and unmotivated. You just have to ask yourself what kind of a person you want to be. I remember quite recently this one kid at my school showing me all these revealing pictures of women on his phone, and another friend showing me a subreddit with revealing images… and I just thought to myself, “Damn… how fucking pathetic…thats not the kind of person I want to be.” I remember in my PMO days I wanted to share my favorite porn videos with my friends… To think I was once like those two kids at my school… how pitiful…
The Changes
-Social Anxiety almost completely gone. I might not be very outgoing right now, but damn did my confidence go up. REMEMBER: There’s a difference between being cocky and being confident.
-I got the motivation to exercise and start doing productive things. I started to care how I looked. Watching TV and playing videogames alone suddenly became a huge waste of time and offered no satisfaction whatsoever.
-Any sort of suicidal thoughts and feelings of depression vanished. I started to enjoy life. My self-esteem rose, and I noticed that everytime I looked in the mirror, I was happy with what I saw. I started to really like myself
-Shitload of energy
-Making eye contact with girls at my school. So goddamn enjoyable
-More optimistic
-I started to really enjoy talking and joking around with my friends and my family. Me and my family would just sit around the table after dinner and just joke around. I found out how much I really enjoy that.
-I noticed the sheer beauty and attractiveness in all the girls around me. I wanted to talk and connect with them. I started noticing more than just their ass or tits, and I actually felt like they were attainable… I felt worthy
-I got a girlfriend and my first kiss 😀 I remember seeing her at the beginning of the year and thinking, “damn I’ll never be with her.” SHE was the one to start talking to ME. What the hell? She is friends with so many guys and yet she wanted to be with me…crazy.
-I found out that you actually can masturbate without porn OR fantasizing.
Final Thoughts
First off I just want to say that watching porn and jacking off to it is NOTHING compared to kissing, even cuddling with someone else. I dont know if all of you might not feel this way, but dammit… kissing and cuddling with someone else is 10 times…NO…100 TIMES better than anything porn has to offer. Seriously. What do you want… short-term spikes in pleasure that leave no fulfillment or satisfaction… or do you want a real-life interaction that leaves you feeling all happy and fuzzy inside.
Also, cold showers are freaking awesome. They’re like a catalyst to getting shit done. Doing something that scares you everyday is the way to go.
In the beginning of the 90 day challenge, I felt like, “Ugh, I’m such a shit person, but I’m not as bad as the people who do drugs or who are fat…so im ok. After the 90 day challenge, I felt like, “Goddamn, I’m an awesome person…but dammit I could be better.” To me, this is what the 90 days is all about. I experienced SO MANY positive changes, but at the same time I found so many things that I wanted to do further… like reading those books, exercising, cold showers, and just being productive in general.
I might go back to masturbating in the future, but at a maximum once a week… or once a month… or never. I’m really not sure. I just see it as something that’s there when I need it, but it just seems kind of pointless… It’s not really unhealthy if you moderate it, but seriously why bother? If you have the self-control, then you wont need to masturbate. But never again will I watch porn. Ever.
To those of you who are starting this challenge, I am quite jealous of you. I sincerely hope this transformation will be as enjoyable for you as it was for me. Please enjoy this journey. As for me? My journey is far from over,since I’ll probably go 150 days since I feel my libido isn’t 100% back to normal. But for the most part… it’s smooth-sailing from here. Now that I’ve broken the chains, I can turn my attention to improving myself and living a fulfilling life full of emotions and adventure. I feel so excited about the future. One good tip I want to share: If you start your day off with something productive, that WILL set the tone for the rest of the day. Even getting up early can help jumpstart your day.
To everyone on this subreddit…THANK YOU. I cannot thank each and every one of you enough. I am so happy to have found this place, and I am so happy to have made the decision to stop watching porn and masturbating. I remember at times I would be brought to tears (thanks to my newly found emotions) by the amount of support and help you guys and girls give each other. Truly inspirational. All of you people are truly special, and I wish you all the best!
One final thing….. my gf of about a month has been dying to know a secret of mine, and she already told me about her troubled past. I feel like telling her quitting porn brought many positive changes in my life…but idk. I feel like she would like the idea of me not watching porn, but I’m feeling kind of skeptical about telling her. Should I? Thank you in advance 🙂
LINK – 90 Day Hardmode Report…My thoughts and changes
by Leistung
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