August 04, 2012: Day 29 – PMO free (day 82 total) I’m gonna start off by saying when I read YBOP I felt confident that I had this problem. Along with Porn-induced ED I have HOCD. It is such a bitch. I won’t get too into tho. Anyways I’m 17 and been looking at porn constantly since the age of 10. I would do it at least 2-5 times during a day. Rarely ever took breaks unless I had to. I’m currently on day 39.
MO about 8 times :/ god dammit. Good news is I had my first wet dream in my life around day 20.
My goal is to get my libido working again! And to see who I’m sexually attracted to do I can actually fight against my HOCD. Also to really gain the confidence I should have with women.
LINK – HIS BLOG – Lost kid (Day 29 PMO free) day 85 total
BY – Thissucks
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HISTORY:
Day 41– getting morning erections, with some friends and got turned on mentally from this one girl dancing. I just had a high type of feeling when looking at her. Felt something but almost nothing down there.
Keeping a journal on my phone, recording info.
Day 44- so I feel my libido is outta that horny but dead dick phase. (thank god) Some new improvements I’m starting to see is that I’m getting “the look from girls” honestly this makes me so happy. With everything I’ve been through with HOCD it just makes me happy. Another thing I’ve noticed is that I’ve been noticing women’s looks with a new light. Kinda made some girls shine! Oh so I decided to test and I can get turned on down there of I think about a super sexy girl ex perfect tits, nice ass. Etc. well then I tried thinking of everyday girls and it’s not as strong. This makes me think I’m not quite rebooted. I don’t want to put numbers on it either.. Makes me feel that I won’t get any better and I’m stuck like this because I’m gay. (OCD)
And I was on Facebook and saw a page for tits. Clicked on it and couldn’t resist looking through pictures. They turned me on. But then I was scrolling through pictures trying to find the “right” one. I got decently far and noticed what I was doing. Now that I look at it I’ve kinda always done this with porn. One time I went through 16 pages on a mobile device about 3 years ago. 3 years ago! That’s messed up! Quite honestly I’d masturbate to porn about 3-5 times a day. PS I don’t think I should reset my clock.
Hmm what else what else. My cousin said I was mad cuz I didn’t bust in a day I was about to be like cough cough 44 days… (but that’s not true I’ve MO before) Oh yeah I’m about 1/2 done with this reboot! I feel great right now, maybe I could be a bit better but a whole nother 45 days just blows my mind! Can’t wait 🙂
Day 48- sad. I’ve been getting over my fears lately. The ones that give me the most anxiety. Ex talking to males, being close to them. Well I guess I’m doing good. But the thing that bothers me is I’m still afraid that I’m sexually attracted to men. I never got an erection from men but it still bothers me. I get this really intense feeling in my junk that feels like I’m horny in a way.. But it’s not responding to either sexes. It started to go up slightly when really trying with men… But I tried with no fantasy and just the “trying feeling” and it did the same thing. So I just don’t know. I try way more with men than with women. Like constantly with men. I’m just not in the mood to try with women. But talking about women, I’m getting a lot more confident with them. Giving them compliments and like talking. This is an improvement. I slow danced with this girl who kinda wasn’t attractive at all (lol) but noting happened down there. Then later on in the night this really cute girl was getting close and talking in my ear and I started to get a little excited down there.
Day 49- so with HOCD my mind is constantly stuck on guys. I’m literally fantasizing about guys to see if I get a reaction. Yeah that’s f’d up right?? Well I do.. (scared in gonna make neural pathways) and ways I’ve been having this horny/tingly feeling down there but I would usually test it with men as a compulsion. Then I thought about it and was like… Hey why don’t I try thinking about women? So I did and I got erect! Let me say I’ve never gotten erect to men. Maybe a 5-10 percent increase but if anyone knows anything about HOCD it’s that it comes with groinal responses.
Day 54- woke up to a wet dream, I’d say this is my 2nd or 3rd one of my life and reboot. But this one was kinda different. It really left its mark compared to the other ones. So could this be my first one? I don’t know. I’ve been feeling horny lately but I’m still going through with the reboot.
Yeah HOCD is a real bitch. It really messes with your head.
Day 56- I really fucked up guys. I watched some porn like two days in a row. I MO’d and then something on here gave me the idea of craigslist ads. Well I did all those things and I feel completely dead down there like all my progress went down the drain. I take full blame for it but I’m keeping my head up.
Day 57- well I can’t say I’ve been a horn dog for all the women but I noticed actual signs of life. I’m grateful for this because it shows that it’s still possible for me. My only wish is that I’m not gay lol.
I seriously have hocd thoughts all day. Like when I’m talking to someone, these thoughts just linger. But it’s getting better.
Day 60- today is my first day of school. I was real confident with the women. I’m glad YBOP helped me with this. I was turned on by this girl in one of my classes. I touched her thigh and that was like the start. While I was kinda thinking to myself “hell yeah” she turned and looked at me a second later and started giggling. I think she was turned on too 8). I felt great to be honest. Then at my practice I had a surge of horniness. I wasn’t by any guys just girls at this time. I tried focusing on girls in general and nothing happened :/. But it shows progress. Now my mind needs to be rewired to women I think. It upsets me to think that I might be gay :(. Seriously it’s like why me.
I’m sorta getting used to seeing guys in general cause the school hallways.
Also I got terrible ill today. Don’t know why, but I have a fever. I heard in some people’s reboots they get this. I usually never get sick but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was unrelated.
Day 63- turned on by this one girl in class. I feel like I have a strong sexual attraction to her. I’m not usually like that with other girls but I am with her. Weird huh? Too bad she has a bf but I’m still gonna try she shows lots of interest in me 🙂 wish me luck!
Day 70- well today marks 15 days since my last mo relapse. I had a wet dream again 2nd one in my life! This whole process wouldn’t be as bad if I didn’t have HOCD so I feel this is life or death I’m dealing with. Whatever. I’m super extroverted at times like last night. My abs started to hurt from laughing a lot. Then I started hitting on two girls at the same time. Kinda going back and forth. I do get the occasional attraction to women
Day 80- feel like I haven’t been on here in forever! I can’t believe I’m on day 80 either. I kinda feel like Ive been lying tho.. I’ve MO’d a few times but I didn’t think enough to reset the time. I’m actually on my 24th day of no PMO. Pretty proud of myself and during this 24 day period I had 2 wet dreams. Including those 2 and another 1, I’ve had three wet dreams my whole life :’) all thanks to YBOP. My original # of days was 90 but I think I’m going to go longer! I actually don’t think I’m 100% cured either. My spontaneous erections comes with girls I have a connection with, just not any random hotties :(. Hopefully one day I get there! I’ll keep you posted!
October 5, 2012
Do it. The thing in my pants won’t go down from holding hands with my girlfriend.
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