ABOUT ME I am 18 year old guy from Poland. I have been PMO addicted since around a decade (yep that’s right, I started when my neighbour shown me hardcore porn magazine lol). Although I never liked to go out, I have never been socially awkward. Usually it was quite easy to get into group of people and find things in common to talk about.
What’s going to be important in my story is that I have been told by doctors (I have asthma) that I literally CAN’T do hardcore exercises and that i MUST stick to medicines and therapy (mostly corticosteroids, causing me to just have high bodyfat %, stored mostly on face, belly and chest – cushing’s syndrome)
CHANGES PART I I have improved myself since the start of my high school (which I’m going to end this year), although 2013 was the year I have changed the most (with noFap ultimate challenge ongoing!)
MOTIVATION GETS YOU STARTED, DISCIPLINE KEEPS YOU GOING For me, my journey of self-improvement started in may of 2013. After I have accomplished my biggest goal of that time – passing driving license test, I found myself stuck in life with no real destination or goal and I felt really bored about all in general. I have spent like 3 weeks from 16th of April till the day in May when I went to a BBQ party with my friends. There was a GIRL from my class that I liked before but when we sat there and then went on a walk I felt something choking me making me almost unable to say a goddamn word. I had image of her being greater than me in all physical aspects (better looking, more open, better at dancing etc). Altough I kept on talking with her, I won’t focus on this relationship. What was going through my head is that: I have gained extra energy (now I know it’s the sexual drive, when everything is OK in your head this power pushes you toward conquering the target) so what to do with it. My best friend always said “GO AND INVITE HER SOMEWHERE” but I didn’t feel like doing this, I was much more satisfied with having images of her and doing my job, although there was still a lot of energy left so I have started running.
SHORT DIGRESSION As of running I can tell you folks, don’t always listen to doctors. Sometimes they are wrong and they treat you like any others, which may not be exactly the best treatment you need. Getting to know how your body works is very important in continuing the noFap or other self-improving challenges. metamorphisis
CHANGES PART II I never felt like a good dancer. I didn’t find pleasure in dancing, but I always looked up to my friends, who were just dancing with them girls like it’s not a big deal. I was jelly as hell TBH but I couldn’t get past the barrier in my head. Then the party in June came, where I spent most of the time sitting by the table surrounded by people (check this thing – I never knew before that I can be such a social guy that gets surrounded by people not even allowing me to leave LOL) having 2 girls for each of my arm (cool memory when I think of it lol) and drinking. I tried to dance a bit and it felt much better than last time I tried but still – i was drunken and I wasn’t relaxed at all. Afterwards, I kept on running, added weight training (so i ended up training for 2-3 hours a day) and I was fighting with the deppression caused by THE GIRL. I tried to escape in loong and deep porn sessions during nights, and a lot of starcraft 2 during the day (tbh SCII taught me a lot too – failures teach you more than successes).
TO THA TOPIC AND BEYOND
I have discovered yourbrainonporn.com somewhere in July and the content i found there gave me a lot to think about. I was pretty sure that the absence of my drive towards getting the girl may be caused by PMO so I decided to cut the porn (today my noPorn counter is at 175 days, I have been writing training-improvement journal since then). Effects came relatively quickly – I have changed psychologically, I have become more confident just by changing that and my drive towards the girl started to appear. We have been together to 2 parties in August and on both – oh irony – people thought we’re a couple.
After a few weeks of being detached to the virtual world, I have started paying attention to my look. I bought myself some fitting clothes (I always used to wear the big size and it didn’t look too good). School started and after a few weeks I have finally felt that I want to get out with her and I invited her to a coffee. She agreed and it was really cool, and I felt like a badass to myself coz I have always been worried about going out 1 on 1 with girl. Then we met like one more time and this time it was much worse. I felt like I’m getting friendzoned and that put me in a really bad condition again. Jerking off was bringing short-term relief but it was even more destroying me from inside.
CHANGES PART III: DISCOVERY OF /r/noFap and the start of nofap challenge
I’ve got here by an accident tbh. But quickly after I have read some of your posts I thought “OK, porn is gone for a long time now but I’m still not the best of me, this is the thing”. First days were relatively easy, and effects such as testosterone and confidence boost came relatively quickly (I think peak was around day 10, I was acting really sexual-aggressive towards girls, like I was just pushed around by internal force) Then HER birthday party came and I went there as the guy I have been always wanted to be. And I had literally NO TROUBLE talking to girls I didn’t know, dancing with them – and what’s best – I was really enjoying that!! – and the girls were too, as they told me that I’m a really good dancer (depending on opinion of the others is quite often unhealthy, but cmon, wouldn’t thing like this skyrocket your self-confidence? I was open to all people, I was dancing with almost all the girls. It was cool. I wasn’t going after her, and I felt like I don’t even need to. 2 days after the party SHE invited me to go somewhere!! So we went. The evening was really cool, we had great time. Then when I tried to invite her to the prom I got to know that she choose someone else. I was quite depressed and been quitting life to dreams (taking looong naps after school before the gym) Things like not satisfied love takes less than it gives. First of all it’s not the end of the world in spite of fact that it feels like one. Secondly, when you have extra life-energy, you can put it in maximizing gains in a discipline of your choice. Sports, science, or art. As i mentioned i have been training and the effects after I started doing noFap came in a really great fashion.
BIOLOGICAL ASPECTS OF DOING NOFAP FROM MY EXPERIENCE Testosterone. Hormone that makes you a man. When you’re jerking quite often, and I bet that you do if it became a problem in your life, the testosterone isn’t working like it’s supposed to and because of that you’re soft. You lack confidence, your metabolism is slow, your muscle gains aren’t high. From my experience – the hormonal changes can be seen even on my face, it looks much more manly. Another thing is that – you’re much more willing to go for ladies. I used to say to myself in my head “why should i go if i have porn”, now that the question is gone (although I don’t feel like I’m fully rewired) the drive towards getting the girl is stronger.
CONCLUSION I found reason to work on myself externally – it was in the girl. I thought “i MUST improve, to be able to get the best ones”. But it’s not important what gets you started, what is important is that if you can deny yourself short-term pleasures (like sweets if you’re obese, masturbation if you’re addicted) in order to pursue the dream of being the best version of yourself. I even started a personal challenge – noSwear, currently at 37 days. (first few days were maybe even harder than nofap, I couldn’t express my minds in a decent flow lol)
WHY MASTURBATION MAKES YOU BLIND OK i forgot to add this at first, but really. Before when i heard “MASTURBATION MAKES YOU BLIND” i had no idea why would ever someone connect eyes with balls. Now I understand. When you’re PMO addicted your beauty standards are so high that you don’t appreciate the beauty around you. The world is not all that enjoyable. When you quit PMO you may get blinded by the other extremium, all the new emotions you didn’t know. But after it stabilize, you may say that you have been reborn 🙂
Good luck guys, if you have started you’re on the right track. Don’t let small minds convince you that you CANNOT do something with your life. Feel free to leave any questions, hope you found something useful in this post, like I did many times on this subreddit when I was struggling 🙂
LINK – What comes easily goes easily – 90 days (and more than a half year metamorphoze story)
by elorap
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