Holy shit. After 64 days in to this streak and about 1.5 years of PornFree and NoFap struggling, I can say that I’m rebooted. And let me tell you, this is amazing, strange, beautiful and scary at the same time.
A world has opened up. This streak was already the final streak (ie. I will never relapse anymore), I knew that from the start. My issues are finally resolved.
But this rebooting, damn what a powerful thing. I am incredibly sexual and only now did I notice how incredibly straight I am.
All of the years I watched porn, I knew this. But I was kind of OCD’ing about my sexuality. Couple that with all the issues I had from my youth and the first 22 years of my life were not that easy.
But throughout this journey that started around 1.5 years ago, I learned to accept everything I am. Flaws. Scars. Fears. Insecurities.
But also all the great things. Strong. Powerful and intelligent. Disciplined. Determined.
I feared that I was autistic (more at the asperger part of the spectrum) for a long time. I was always different and was looking for answers. Now it seems that I’m highly gifted, which makes a lot of sense when you look at my youth. Always misunderstood. Never found my place until I found what being gifted means and how that affects young children, especially when you are not tested at a young age (which my parents never decided to do). (Not that there is anything wrong with being autistic, but some things of the spectrum didn’t completely fit me and thus I was never satisfied with that ‘label’ or ‘answer’.)
I have fought for over 1.5 years to face and defeat my demons and I have succeeded.
I will never go back to porn. Or all the other stuff I used to cover my insecurities with.
There is light at the end of the tunnel and you are probably nearer than you think. I’ve learned that growing up isn’t easy at all. That there are loads of issues that you need to face to be a strong and full fledged adult. And that there are loads of people who never get to that point, because they are too scared to face their issues.
All you guys that visit these kind of subreddits to better yourselves. You got the guts to face your issues and to become men and women of virtue. To be better for not just yourself, but for your family, friends, community and with that, the world.
I’m close to leaving this subreddit. I will revisit from time to time to stay up to date and offer some support, but I’m done here. I’m PornFree.
To end this story with a quote, I, of course, choose the quote from Theodore Roosevelt that is most applicable here to us who struggle and stumble to become better people.
It’s not the critic who counts. It’s not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled. Credit belongs to the man who really was in the arena, his face marred by dust, sweat, and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs to come short and short again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming. It is the man who actually strives to do the deeds, who knows the great enthusiasm and knows the great devotion, who spends himself on a worthy cause, who at best, knows in the end the triumph of great achievement. And, who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and cruel souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt
LINK – I’m rebooted.
BY – stulop
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