I’ve been using porn since I was about 16, and masturbated to porn twice a day on average. I didn’t really think it had any effect on me until I was 21, when I finally lost my virginity. The first time I didn’t have any problem getting hard, but I was unable to reach orgasm. It lasted for hours! My girlfriend was really satisfied (and surprised) yet she felt bad, she thought she wasn’t attractive enough! I thought I was a gift for women to be able to last forever without ejaculating; we had sex many times a day. I stopped PMO completely for weeks because I didn’t feel the need to, even though I could not ejaculate at all during sex. After several months of this, I could finally cum with her! I was really happy; life was good and full of energy that I cannot explain.
But, unfortunately, we broke up. That’s when I got back on porn again, 2-3 times a day wanking to porn. I didn’t worry about it until I took home a very hot girl one night, and we had sex. About two minutes in, I went soft and could not get hard no matter how hard I tried. I could not believe that I was unable to get hard, having a hot naked girl in front of me. I blamed it on the alcohol, but then it happened again with another girl. This is when I found YBOP. I did have performance anxiety, so I wasn’t sure if it was porn or just me being nervous, but since then I’ve been trying to reboot. The best I can do is 15 days without PMO, and I’ve relapsed many, many times.
[Day 2] I’ve been binging hard and masturbating like 2-3 times a day. I’m feeling needy, insecure about myself, and tired. I have no confidence to do anything, and feel like a big wussy. This happens every time I go on a binge, especially to porn, for the next couple days. I keep coming back to this PMO thing because I just miss my “confident” self so much. That attractive, confident guy usually appears around day 7, but it is so hard to resist the temptation of PMO.
But anyways, today has been easy, my libido is dead, I just feel sad, lonely, and feel the need to have a girlfriend or a cuddle buddy. I don’t have the urge at all. Just been on the internet looking for self-assurance (mental masturbation), but I know for sure that this will go away in a couple of weeks, and I will have my confidence back. I just want to have the energy, confidence and assertiveness that I have during my abstaining periods.
[Day 3] I’m having little urges, but not a big deal. Negative thoughts are still there but I feel a bit better than I did yesterday. I also had some conversation with some girls in my class today, but nothing really interesting happened. I was in pretty passive mode all day. One good thing is that I don’t feel the heaviness in my head today, that numb feeling where your head and eyes feel really heavy after a PMO marathon.
[Day 5] Today was really hard; all I could think about was having sex with this one girl. I wasn’t thinking about porn or anything, I just felt the heat in my body, and was walking around with a boner all day long. So I decided to MO, without porn or fantasy, and just paid attention to the sensations. One or two images of her popped into my head while I was masturbating, but that was about it. I felt really good afterwards, but now I think I’m experiencing the “chaser effect”. I don’t have the urge to look at porn right now, but I just want to M again, and this has usually escalated to PMO in the past. I find it best if I can MO once every 4-5 days, but it’s really hard to do that because of the chaser effect, I know tomorrow I will want more and more. My goal is to abstain at least 4 days after today to MO again.
[Day 14] Today is Day 8 of no MO, and I finally had sex with a girl. There was no ED, no problem getting hard, and no delayed ejaculation. I can now finally ejaculate with a girl! Admittedly, I was really nervous but I was also really horny so I had no problem getting hard. I realized that when you are truly horny, everything will take care of itself. Being horny and craving are two very different things!
She had a pretty face but, bottom line, her body was not attractive at all. I’m not being mean; my point is that I had no ED problem while having sex with an average looking girl even with a condom on. I had some encounters before where the girls were really hot and I could not get hard, and was unable to ejaculate. That was why I found my way here. I’ve achieved my goal finally. From now on, I just hope that I never look at porn again. I also really hope that I will never masturbate again (maybe my next goal?). I really love the energy that I had while abstaining from orgasm.
If I did not find this site, I would still be trying to figure out why I could not ejaculate with real girls, and blaming myself for having a “not-so-big penis”, performance anxiety, or thinking “she’s not tight enough”.
[Day 16] So today, I had sex with that girl again. It was great. It was harder for me to ejaculate at first because I had sex with her 2 days ago. But we tried to cuddle and kiss. I finally ejaculated again. It feels sooooooo good to be able to have an orgasm with a real live girl. This reboot is really worth it.
[Day 27]
Back in the day, after a couple secs in, I was like “this is it?” “This is how sex feels like? WTF? I can barely feel anything..OMG SHIT It’s getting soft SHIT SHITTT WHAT DO I DO??” ….you get the idea. Now I get turned on by just seeing the girl’s face, her legs, even freckles lol.
On being truly horny I talked about, it’s the heat running in my body, the desire to have sex (different from wanting to check out the favorite porn scene). Best way to put it is: If you haven’t eaten for days and you are really really hungry, now there is a whole bunch of food on the table.
What do you do? You grab the plate and start eating like crazy even if there’s a very, very hot girl sit right across the table eating with you. You might get nervous, but since you’re really hungry, you don’t give a Fu@k anymore. You just eat the way you want. Do you even think about it? NO! Do you even think about being in the moment? NO! YOU JUST DO IT.
Nature will do all the work for you if your brain is sensitive. Again this is my 2 cents. Everybody is different.
by ibminh
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