I am a 23 years old man and I have been watching porn on a regular basis for around a half of my life. I come from Europe and as it turns out – Internet may bring both bad things and good things across continents 🙂 My story is perfectly typical. When I first came across your website, I was shocked by the amount of parallels I found between what I’ve been doing and the porn addiction schema you’re describing.
My quest for no porn-induced ED started bit less than a year ago. I once relapsed for a quick while, but got back on right track. It’s been tough, but with sheer determination and support from my girlfriend and your site, I’m making it happen. Let me share my story, as for me – first 3 months was just the beginning. I hope word of encouragement reaches whoever struggles right now – hold on, be strong!
I was first exposed to porn in as young as 10. I would sometimes watch soft porn that was played late at night on public TV. I remember I was actually planning on saving money to buy video recorder to store it 🙂 But soon there was no need. Since I was 13, I was connected to a proper internet cable. Pretty much from then on, I would regularly watch porn. Sometimes it was once or twice a week, sometimes 2-3 times a day. I would actually be considered a social teenager, played lots of sports and hang out with popular kids. My body has always been in great shape, too. I had no luck with girl though. There is no doubt in my mind it was influenced by porn. Busting my nut so frequently meant I had no necessary drive. When I turned 20 or so, normal porn didn’t turn me on so much. I frequently turned into shemale or gay porn – again a typical behavior from what I’ve read. I felt ashamed instantly after orgasm. It’s not I’m against gay people, I just knew that wasn’t my sexual taste.
I felt attracted to women on the streets, but I somehow didn’t manage to find a proper one. I would sometimes meet with a fine woman over a coffee, but it would all finish before it had started. I never had sex until last year, when I finally met my current girlfriend. When after a while it became intimate… You guess what happened. Stone-cold ED. I can’t describe how did un-manly that felt. I was depressed and strived for answers. I then suspected it might be porn-induced. I thought of dumping porn on numerous occasions, but I then I thought “why would I?”. Now my reason was good enough. I googled it and found your site. It all made sense.
I decided to tell her about my problems and found her really supportive. But I was struggling nonetheless. After a week of no masturbation I began having typical addiction withdrawal symptoms. My head would hurt, I would become irritated, my urge to wank was at it’s limits. I found relief in exhaustive exercise, whether it was running or gym. I sometimes went to sleep sooner than usual, I wasn’t struggling so much at sleep and usually it felt better in the morning. I made through this period because I simply made up my mind. I would often repeat Rorschach’s “Never surrender” quote. It pumped up my agression and that helped as well.
The withdrawal symptoms ceased a lot after a month or two, but my ED wasn’t yet gone. It took me much longer than usual 3 months – presumably because pixels were the only sexual stimulus I got for 10 years or so. Once it was better and we had good sex, at other times we still struggled. I’ve felt true progress since a month or so, not only physically, but at last… the smell, my girlfriend’s cute body, her heat, the feel of our skins touching… That turns me on as well. And yes, I relapsed for about two weeks in a process. I would be so turned on by internet porn I could cum without even touching my penis. Of course, porn escalated very quickly, too. [My sexual perfomance dropped for a while, of course.] That was scary, now that I think about it. But I’m glad I stopped again. It just reminds me I’m like an alcoholic. I will probably never be able to enjoy porn any more. For me it’s like a poison and I have to stay away. I’m not saying others should do the same – I guess it’s just me who’s so susceptible to porn addiction. I’m glad I’m aware of my weakness, though. And believe me – the idea of opening my favorite porn sites was sprung my mind numerous times this month. But now that I have some perspective and know I can withstand my cravings and that I become so intimate with my woman – it’s easier than ever.
LINK – Whole-hearted Thank you for you
by monk
Further comments:
To be honest, I don’t think I’m quite there yet. It’s been nearly a year and I suspect it will still take months from now to reach my “porn performance”, the quality of erections that I used to have watching porn etc. Maybe this will never happen. Maybe porn is just “too good to be true” kind of thing. Or maybe it will get even better 🙂 I don’t know and it’s not that important for me. I’m not going to be a porn star and as long as I can share those intimate moments with my partner, express my arousal, all is fine. I don’t have strict expectations. I don’t count days in my calendar. I don’t parent-block my internet connection. I simply made up my mind, stick to it (for most of the time) and reap the benefits 🙂
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