So I’m a bit late on the 90 day mark, as this is the first time I’ve been back at my computer. I spent the bulk of the weekend in bed with my new girlfriend, and I don’t mean that in a condescending or arrogant way, but in an encouraging way! I began NoFap about 5 months ago. My story is probably similar to most of you.
I started fapping at 14, but not frequently and to internet videos until 18. I didn’t date through much of college, and girls I did date generally wanted to take it slow and not have sex, so I didn’t discover my ED problem until too late. I’m 25 now. Before this, I can easily say I had never had satisfying or even marginally successful sex.
I didn’t really experience any escalation or changing tastes or anything, but I realize now how unhealthy it was and what a colossal waste of time it is to spend hours upon hours of your day downloading and cataloging fucking porn videos. I know addiction is nothing to joke about, but it’s seriously laughable now…in a shake my head and be ashamed sort of way.
I thought NoFap was really easy at first, and then a totally innocuous NSFW picture sent my mind back into the gutter and I relapsed. I have been taking it much more seriously since then, and with the right attitude, 90 days fairly well snuck up on me.
BENEFITS
- Increased Confidence and Social Skills– I have never really lacked for the ability to socialize and talk to girls, but NoFap brought about positive change in that department nonetheless. In the past, I would not talk to people not because I was afraid, but because I figured it would be less effort to just go home and masturbate.A month ago, I met a girl at a frisbee game, went to a concert with her that night, and called her for a date the following week. It was a total watershed moment. We talked for 9 straight hours over coffee and later, food. NINEhours! The whole time, my brain was 100% engaged in conversation, not thinking about sex at all. For those of you flatlining, don’t despair, because in this case it was a huge advantage. I was totally devoted to sharing myself with this girl, in every way but physically. I was mentally and spiritually, and yes, to an extent, physically aroused.On top of that, this is the happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. I don’t feel ashamed to be hiding something, and I feel like I have a new found ability to connect with people, and this person especially, that can exist only independent of porn.
- ED Pretty Much Gone – Since I lost my virginity long after I began fapping, I knew theoretically how sex should go, and I knew mine wasn’t measuring up, but I had never dreamed it could have been porn that was causing it. I always thought it was just performance anxiety and usually blamed it on the condom rather than myself. After 5 almostuninterrupted months of NoFap, I think I can finally see the light at the end of this tunnel.On the first date with the aforementioned girl, I kissed her goodnight and got the most massive and persistent erection I’d had in years. I couldn’t remember such an embarrassingly uncontrollable reaction since high school. The first time we had sex, performance anxiety, or lingering effects of fapping and porn, got the best of me, and I felt like shit. However, not even a week later, we went at it again, and it was a totally different story. I had amazing, erect, and mind-clearing sex three times in as many hours. A year ago, I would be lucky to successfully orgasm from sex three times in 6 months. In the past week, I haven’t been able to get into bed with this girl without having sex at least three times.Here’s the best part: the other day while I was taking a shower, I was thinking about her. Just absent-mindedly, remembering the last time I saw her. The thoughts began turning away from the PG rating, and just like that I was completely erect. Stiff as a board, much harder than any erection I’d had from masturbating in recent memory…just from a passing thought!
- More Vivid Dreams and The Ability to Remember Them– Before NoFap, I was lucky to remember one dream in fifty that I’d had. Now I am remember clearly and writing down my dreams at least 3 times a week. This is one of my favorite benefits, because it feels like I am seeing a side of myself that has been hidden for so long, but mostly because dreams are cool.One of the most telling dreams: I was in a clothing store somewhere, and a woman on the sales floor approached me to try and help me. She was very attractive, and she engaged me in conversation, flipping her hair and batting her eyelashes, clearly interested in me. There happened to be a picture on the wall of this store, of the very same woman, posing in a bra and panties. For the duration of this dream I was completely tuning out and ignoring this real woman who was flirting with me in favor of the exact same woman in a picture. It doesn’t get much more obvious than that. I was kind of upset at first, but when I thought about the silver lining, I decided that this meant my brain was finally getting out of the fog and admitting it had a problem.
- Clearer Thinking and Better Focus – I haven’t noticed a dramatic increase in these qualities, but they are certainly better than they used to me.
- Proper Stimulation – I find myself stimulated by much simpler and better things now, especially any exercise that makes me break a sweat or makes me sore. Coming back from a long bike ride dripping with sweat and having sex immediately afterwards makes me feel like a fucking animal, and it wakes up my body and brain in such a complete and total way, like nothing else does.
- More Free Time– Since I started NoFap, I’ve been riding my bike a lot more, running a bit, reading a ton, going for walks, cleaning (a lot, which is kind of weird, but oddly centering), learning Korean, translating a page of Latin poetry every day, meditating (sometimes, this one is hard for me to build as a habit), and sleeping more (because fuck it, I’m allowed a little self-indulgence from time to time…I can only seize the day so much).In relation to above: there’s no better time to build a good habit than while breaking a bad habit. I find that your brain is happy for the replacement, even if it’s not as stimulating. Since starting, I’ve begun flossing, studying foreign language vocabulary, and writing every day.
- Craving for Adventure – This one is going to sound totally cliche, but lately my brain has been thinking about all sorts of crazy live-your-life shit: moving to New Zealand for 6 months, hiking the Appalachian Trail, taking the train across Russia, etc. Stuff that would have scared the bejesus out of me a few years ago now seems like the perfect and only logical next step in my life.
CONS
- Sleepier – I thought I would feel more awake all the time when I started. Though I’m not always groggy or anything, I still find that 7-8 hours still isn’t enough, and I often spend too much time in bed. for now, I blame it on my shitty schedule and the cold winter. Hopefully it will take a turn for the better.
- Irritability – Quite dramatic, but only at first. After the first two or three weeks, my petulance went away and I was back to my usual even-keeled self.
- Still Experiencing Decreased Sensitivity – At this point there are only a few spots on my penis that even seem to register in my brain if they’re being touched. Hoping this goes away soon.
CHALLENGES
- My Daily Schedule – I work from 2:30-10:30 pm, and I don’t know if this is true for anyone else, but I find it much harder to build a healthier lifestyle around what is frankly a shit schedule. Over the course of the last 5 months I have dabbled in meditation, more exercise, and other good habits. These had never been a problem to keep up when I worked 9-5, but for some reason it’s much more difficult this way. If you have a schedule like this, or God forbid an even worse one, beware, and make budgeting your time your number one priority (aside from not fapping, of course).
- Computer Use – In the past, and still on particularly lazy days, it was just habit to open my laptop first thing in the morning and again as soon as I got home from work. This never bothered me at any of my old jobs, but at my new job I spent 6 hours of my day in front of a computer already, and I disgust myself when I come home and it’s the first thing I do. Give yourself a set time to use the Internet, put something that you know you should be doing close to hand (like a book, an instrument, your running shoes, etc.) and set an alarm. When it goes off, close that computer and just do the thing. This is really hard at first, but you’ll be surprised. I often find myself on the computer, wasting time, actually waiting impatiently for the alarm to go off. This has been an eye opener, as it’s an obvious sign that my brain is finally craving proper stimulation.
I honestly don’t think my life has changed that dramatically in areas aside from the physical, but I can see how NoFap can be a boon to someone struggling from depression or social anxiety. Anyway, keep it up, soldiers! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the other side of the tunnel is fucking amazing. I’m happy to answer any questions.
TL;DR: Hit 90 days, ED is pretty much gone, feeling more positive than usual, got an amazing new girlfriend, and making up for years of sub-par or missed-out-on sex. Much love and thanks to this community and YBOP. AMA!
LINK – 90-ish Day Report
by LosPanchos
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