Never thought I’d be back here. I posted a few times on NoFap on my old account in the past to help overcome my porn addiction. I was a success story. I stopped watching porn, and I regained full and robust woodies for the ladies to enjoy. But it wasn’t happily ever after.
Avoiding PMO is an active process and it requires discipline, even when you think you’re past it.
In the past couple years, I have been very lucky. I overcame my addiction to PMO, I got my erections back, and I’ve been fortunate enough to experience some seriously fun sexual escapades. I’ve had a few fuck buddies. Some one night stands, some two night stands. I hooked up with one girl within 10 minutes of meeting her. I managed to get with another girl who I’d fantasized about for more than a year. I was having the time of my life.
But some shit went down in my personal life that led me to isolate myself for a period of time. Some serious self-examination needed to be done. I didn’t go out, and I didn’t talk to girls much less anyone. In my state of loneliness, I still found myself needing the “release” of an orgasm.
So I turned to porn, which I had already eliminated from my life once before. I reverted back to my old habits.
In the wee hours of the night, after melting my brain with hours of mindless internet browsing, I feel that tingle in my lower torso that signals my sexual frustration. I begin to teem with excitement as I plan which websites I’m going to browse, what kind of artificial bullshit I’m going to watch to get my fix.
After 10 minutes or so of watching videos of actors pretending to enjoy fucking one another, I can no longer resist the temptation. I have to feel that release, that relief, that temporarily washes over you for a few moments before you are overcome with a terrible feeling of guilt and self-loathing. Why am I sitting here with my junk in my hands in my bathroom, imagining I am somewhere else, doing something else?
And each time, I’d vow that it was the last. But it kept happening.
Wait, it kept “happening”?
NO. I continued making the choice to allow it to happen. I am no victim here. I’ve been through this before and I allowed it to happen again. I am completely at fault right now.
But the buck stops here. No more PMO for me.
If I’m going to orgasm, its going to be with a beautiful woman and its going to actually leave me feeling fulfilled, grateful, happy, and complete.
I really believe that. I really think that the last time I’ll ever PMO is behind me.
We’re all going to make it boys.
;