I’m roughly about 150 days in and I cannot believe how much my life has changed over the last year. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it has been so worth it. My life has changed for the better in so many ways, that sometimes I can’t quite believe I’ve done it.
Here is my story…
A year or so ago I was depressed, angry, de-motivated, loathed myself, my self esteem and confidence was at rock bottom and I couldn’t see any way out. I had a shitty job, no girlfriend, was loosing my friends and my life was in the gutter. I was using pmo as a crutch to support myself and take away the pain but I didn’t realise that it was the one thing that created it.
My pmo addiction was out of control, I was masturbating more and more to some really disgusting videos. Things that make my skin crawl even thinking about now. And I couldn’t stop myself. My erections were getting weaker and weaker and I no longer enjoyed orgasm. My self esteem just plummeted.
I knew something had to change when I ended up with a really hot girl but couldn’t maintain an erection. I’ll never forget the look of disappointment in her face and the shame I felt. I knew I was attracted to her but didn’t understand why I couldn’t get hard… This really messed with my head. I was doubting my own sexuality and sanity. After googling ED, I stumbled across the famous Gary Wilson TED talk. This one video pretty much saved my life, from there I found nofap and after reading the success stories in decided to give it a go.
In the beginning I failed so many times, each time I failed I picked myself up and started again. Resetting my counter is still the most gut wrenching feeling ive had. I had to reset that badge so many times but each time I did it was a little bit higher than the last time. A week turned into a month, then two months, then 90 days… After that it was easy. Just do not give up on yourself, just keep going. You might not make 90 in your first attempt but just keep trying. Eventually you will break through. And that’s exactly what I did. I already knew what would happen if I did it give up , so I decided to see what happened if I didn’t.
And this is what’s changed in my lifetime over the past year…
- Confidence and assertiveness has shot up. I can look people dead in the eye and feel comfortable doing it. I can talk to anyone about anything and feel comfortable doing it.
- Energy levels are through the roof, I’m more awake and alert. My brain feels sharp.
- I can’t stop smiling all day every day, and have never felt this good in years.
- My eyes look alive, no dark circles or heavy eye lids. The colour in them is getting brighter every day, they are beginning to look like my bright blue eyes I had as a child
- My facial structure has changed my jaw looks more defined and face looks fuller
- My acne is clearing up, and my skin looks healthy and my cheeks are always blushed
- I now work for a major financial services organisation, and I am 4 months into my traineeship. I had to go through 4 rounds of assessments to get this. Something I never could have done whilst Pmo was in my life. I was also one of only 5 people to do so out of around 200 applicants.I had been previously working part time 6 hours a week as I thought I couldn’t handle full time work.
- I have made so many friends in the last 6 months, people who want to be in my life and make me feel good. I am literally attracting positive people in to my life and boy does this feel great. My social life is amazing, I don’t have time to play video games or watch TV because I’m always doing something with people who want to spend time with me.
- I have met the girl of my dreams, who I made love to last night and broke my virginity with (I’m 26 btw) the sex was unbelievable and she wants more. But more than that she wants me and to be with me. I cannot describe how amazing this is. I feel connected to her, and love looking in her beautiful eyes. She doesn’t know I had an addiction, but always comments on how im different from other guys she’s been with. I’m not different, I’m who I was born to be. I am actually normal.
- I have never been happier and more focused on my life. I am coming down off my medication (anti-anxiety) and look forward to regaining my self control
- Life is just amazing now , everything about life is great. I’ve never felt so happy about the small things in life before. Seriously someone said pmo makes you blind, well I’m here to support that comment because it does. Once you shake it off, you begin to appreciate life and how fucking great it is.
Lastly, I now longer crave porn anymore. I have no desire ever to watch it again, once you get past the urges and through the flatline you begin to climb out of the darkness. Just make the commitment to yourself never to go back there, I must never go back to that person I was. This is the motivation I use to keep pushing forward and I’m fully committed to achieving another 150 days 🙂
Please do yourself a favour and keep going. Just keep going. Life gets so much better.
LINK – Re-boot
by AuSeve
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