Obligatory Just Had Sex post…Well I’m not gonna lie, it was quick. But hopefully I’m gonna be less worried about PIED and more about PE for a while, which I’d rather have.
It’s taken almost a decade to get to this point. I had a long term girlfriend my first few years of college. But soon after that I was having ED issues with the girls I saw. At first I blamed it on the booze everytime, but when booze was removed from the situation, ED was still a factor. This led to a shame spiral of going on a couple dates with a girl, ED, break up, wait months/years, try again.
I started nofap a few years ago (under a different account) would build up streaks in the 60-80 day ranges and then get disinterested. Porn went from strange to very strange, and in the last couple years at it’s best has been once a week, and worst a few times a week. A little over a month ago, I’ve jumped back onto the nofap train, and shortly after met a girl that I fell for immediately. Which I think is a larger part of the rehabilitation process than I’ve previously considered.
I was fully prepared to marry the girl I dated in college, and when that didn’t work out I don’t think I was ever really ‘into’ the girls I dated after that. They were pleasant but I kind of chalked it up to ‘there’s no one like the first love’. Over the years I think my standards dropped as I think i was more looking for a means to practice getting it up rather than actually falling for somebody. Without that pure interest, I definitely think it set me back.
I was upfront with the girl I’m seeing now, telling her I really liked her but I was working on an uphill battle. I’ve had previous bad fall outs with girls who were willing to work with me, but once reality set in they would bail (or maybe I would drive them to bail). But the girl I’m seeing now was all for taking it slow.
Obviously I know I’m not ‘cured’ of PIED but here’s some tips that I’ve seen help keep the progress building:
- React to everything. If she touches you anywhere, react to it, moan, gasp, what ever you need to do to let your body (and your partner) know that this is something you like.
- Don’t put all the attention on your partner. In the past when I knew stuff wasn’t going to work, I would put all the attention on the girl and started doing all I could to get her to where she was going, but my body would become passive in the process. Take your body out of the equation and it will become disinterested.
- Breath Deeply. I’m not sure why but this helps. Possible reasoning is that it relaxes you (like meditation), gives you fresh oxygen, heightens the senses like smell.
- Let your member guide the way. This one has been pretty important to me. While fooling around erections come and go, but make sure you notice when and why you are getting them. I saw that lying down I was getting fuller than standing, and that while giving back massages it would start arising to the situation. It might be different for you, but look for what’s working and then encourage it.
- Don’t rush! Okay, you have an erection, cool. Sit there and savor it, let her savor it. Don’t start ringing the all systems go alarm jump up dive for a condom and try to beat the buzzer. You’ll lose, take things slow and comfortable.
- Laugh about failures, celebrate all advances. This one is one of the biggest changes for me. Before, every time I couldn’t get it up, or lost it once the condom touches, I would be flooded with embarrassment, hide underneath the covers, and avoid my partner’s ‘no big deal’ comments. But find the humor in it. Find someone who will be silly with you about it, and laugh it off with you. If your partner just groans in frustration and rolls her eyes, she might not be the person you need to get you through this.
I hope this helps. I know I’m a bit early on the advice and still have a long way to go towards normal, but I’ve been tired of reading all of the “well one day it just works again” type of posts that don’t really help when you’re looking at the PIED wall with no clue of how to get over it.
LINK – (PIED) First successful PIV in almost a decade!
UPDATE – 90 Days of nofap.
I tried writing up a 90 day report yesterday. But I felt it was bogged down too much with my past personal story and metaphors, so I’ll try again now.
I went 10 years with ED issues and avoided relationships and hook ups because of it. I would blame it on the booze, or anxiety, or attraction, but I would really beat myself up over the failures.
I’ve been on and off nofap for at least the last 3 years, this time being the first time I’ve reached 90 days (classic mode ie. no fapping, reaching O with girlfriend).
20 days into this streak I met a lovely girl that gave me the courage to work through my own insecurities with and she has been very positive when it came to my situation.
During this streak I’ve gone from PIED every single try to now consistently being able to have PIV which is a huge success to me. That being said, I still think I have a long way to go.
The new situation is PE every time, which the first few times I would end up O’ing under a minute or a few times O’ing while even trying to insert. Now I’m getting up to a couple minutes per time, but having to go very carefully. The PE is a lot better to have after a decade of PIED and at least it’s showing her that I find her attractive (a problem that PIED caused in numerous relationships). I’m throwing in rounds of kegels whenever I’m sitting around (clenching as I type) and I feel they may be helping.
I don’t see a future where old PMO will be part of my life again. I’m just always too busy now. But it always seemed like less of an addiction and more of a dependency for me.
Random Thoughts about myself and nofap
- Standing Desk in my bedroom was a huge part for me. When I’m at the computer it feels like I’m there for a purpose, I do what I gotta do and then get off the computer.
- Be wary of too much time on /r/nofap. Realistically your time spent on here should be encouraging other fapstronauts and helping them with their questions. I realized there was a point where I was spending most of my days here even at work, as if I were trying to find that secret tip that would make everything work out instantly. It’s not there, you just have to learn the rules, and then follow them.
- While we are on the subject of /r/nofap, let me just say that the front/hot page isn’t real nofap to me. It’s “inspiring” quotes and memes, new resolves of recent relapsers, and excuses. The real no fap is the new tab. It’s filled with people that need actual support, have real questions, and not just the overly upvoted success after 3 days posts. Spend more time there. There are a lot of posts that fall through the cracks around here, of people that can use actual advice, but they get buried because it’s not a “hang in there kitty” poster with a no fap button on it. I skip over the front/hot page to the new tab every single time I visit.
- When it comes down to it, you have to take ownership of your actions. You are the one opening up the incognito tab, not your ‘addiction’. Sure, addictions are real and a serious thing. But all you have to do is not pull your pud. It’s easier than you think.
I guess feel free to ask any questions or whatever, I’m still no pro, but I try to help out and give advice as much as I can here.
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