I can’t express how proud of myself I am to have reached 90 days. I don’t think I believed it was possible to go this long without PMO when I started this journey. This is several years in the making.
Things I think have helped me along the way:
This forum. I think the support, hope, and community here has been the single most important ingredient for me.
Absolute determination. 90 days ago, I broke all of the dvds, erased (deep erasing, not just in the recycling bin) all of my porn files, cleared my browser history, favorites, etc. Got rid of the net at home, only using it at work. I did this because I COMMITTED to this. If you don’t do it when you start, you’re planning your first relapse already.
Some of the things that have happened to me:
The GOOD:
I am happier. With myself, with my wife, with my family. In general. This is the best part.
Thinking about other people. My wife recently said to me “You are much more thoughtful lately”. It’s a really nice feeling.
Sex. Ohmygod it’s so much better than ever before.
I have lost fat and gained muscle. I think this is unavoidable if you’re going to succeed because you will be ANGRY and FRUSTRATED. If you’re not running like hell is chasing you and lifting like your life depends on it, it will be much more difficult.
Getting out more, enjoying the company of people for fun, rather than fapping for “fun”.
The GOOD and BAD:
Meeting more women who are interested in me. For some of you, this might go in the “good” section, but for me this cuts both ways. I feel more manly and confident because women are showing more interest in me but sometimes it causes trouble with my wife. Last night, I went out drinking and there was a woman getting close to me, touching me, etc. At the end of the night, she kissed me on the cheek, right in front of my wife!
The BAD:
Sadness. It seems contradictory to what I first mentioned in the “good” section but, even though I’m happier “in general”, I’ve experienced moments of profound sadness during the past 3 months. These are the hardest part to get through, but if you do, it’s worth it. Truly feeling that sadness for the first time I think in my life has allowed me to get rid of my fear of it. I fled to PMO to escape the pain but now I embrace it, let it flow through me, cry if I must, and then let it go.
Sexual urges. When you stop PMO you are left with the years upon years of training your brain to love the images of porn. I’m still in the process of retraining my brain to love more than just the visual beauty of women; sometimes it feels like I have only replaced the thrill of PMO for the thrill of seeing other women in the world. This is a work in progress.
Despite the bad parts, I wouldn’t trade this for the world! See you again at 180.
LINK – 90 day report!
by distended
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