First I’ll say that I was always into “amateur” porn more than anything. I never, hardly ever, watched “mainstream” porn with famous pornstars or professional production values. Always home vids with normal/natural looking women. So in some sense, other than the fact that it was indeed porn, it was always a little more “realistic” than “mainstream” type stuff.
Even still, all my sexual energy was pointed inward. You have to ask yourself what’s going on if you really don’t need anyone else. Your social life is superficial and online, there at the click of a button and gone when you’re sick of it. Sex, even, is self-centered. When you want to get off, you get off. Click Click Click, done. Why, in this case, would you practice social skills or learn how to be attractive in any way, if you really don’t need a woman?
This was the story of my marriage. My wife griped at me for legitimate shit. I didn’t clean up after myself. I generally complained when she asked me to do simple favors. I was nearly always anti-social and dickish.
The marriage ended poorly. I was forced to look at my life and realize that I was, simply put, self-centered in nearly every aspect of my life. And I saw porn near the center of this: one of my most basic human needs–the need that should have brought me closer to my wife, thus more tender, loving, and selfless toward her–was satiated by my self.
So that’s a huge thing for me now, and it may be more psychological than physical. Sex now brings me close to a real person. The results of this are a closer bond, which makes me generally more good toward that person. I can’t just please myself on my own terms, I pleasure someone else as well. It’s mutual. Sex now makes me more selfless than selfish.
Then there’s other stuff that’s probably more physical/chemical than psychological. I’m more attracted to my partner when I’m off porn, probably simply because I’m not filling my head with other naked women all day long. If I’ve deprived myself of nude images and self-stimulation, the sight of my partner when I come home at the end of the day really, really turns me on…how could it not?
Also, when I’ve deprived myself of death-gripping my own organ for a little while, I find I’m far more responsive to the stimulation my partner gives me. When I’m on porn, it’s more difficult for sex to get me going, to turn me on, because I’m so used to doing exactly what I know I like, when I like it. But if I stop all that, and rely on my partner, what she does, works.
Then there’s her half of it, psychologically. She’s not anti-porn at all and she’d probably be fine with me looking at porn occasionally. She understands that guys generally have high sex drives and need to get off more than women. Hell, she said she even used porn sometimes.
But she sees a difference, both in my attitude and my performance, when I’m off porn. She sees the results of the things I just mentioned and likes them. Moreover, as a general result of my struggle against porn and porn culture, she’s begun seeing me as a “real man” in the middle of a sea of porn-ified dudes that make up the rest of the western male population. She respects me more, finds me “hotter” now that I do this.
So yeah, PornFree/NoFap has made my sex life way better.
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