I guess this was the big ticket item for me – would I be able to have sex, stay hard, deal with the lack of sensation from a condom and still climax? The answer is yes. And it happened under 90 days.
I think the stabilising factor was a partner that was eager and patient. I find a lot of people quiet selfish, demanding and rigid in bed – and that social element was something I couldn’t get over before completely.
I would say that after the condom went on I was only 80% firm or erect, but it was enough. (And although my banner says only no porn, I never had a solo ejaculation until day 63).
[Flatline?] My dick was small limp and unresponsive for weeks
LINK – Successful sex with a condom
Hello men, Late thirties, gay, beginning the rebooting process.
- Libido
I’ve noticed that through Autumn/Winter that I tend to lose interest in sex and dating almost entirely and this worries me. I would still PMO almost every night even if I didn’t feel that I had much of a sexual urge. I want to reclaim my libido because it can be such a powerful, productive and creative and pro-social energy.
I wake every morning with a great piece of wood – but that doesn’t translate into libido for the rest of the day, and I wish it would.
- ED
So I’ve noticed recurrent ED. I had a hook-up last weekend and I couldn’t get it up across a whole 90 mins of cuddles, kissing and sex with a guy that I really though was cute-as-heck. It’s embarrassing and disheartening. As much as I liked him, and he was super into me, he’s rejected me because he thinks my soft cock meant I really didn’t like him. Words cannot replace what an erection would have solved in this circumstance. So I lose out here, fellas.
- Porn
My problem areas are Tumblr blogs, an obsession with curating my own porn-re-blogging Tumblr, porn torrents.
I have found that I have even eroticised the process of searching for a porn torrent to download, my attention is so keen that I can usually tell from even the thumbnail view whether I like the actors/lighting/framing of the porn. Just searching and masturbating can be a thrill – I barely even need to watch the things I download.
I have filled two hard drives with porn – and eventually I want to feel strong enough to delete this: but I see how strongly my attraction/addiction says, “No, don’t, you spent a decade getting this selection perfect, you’ll never find them again”. Frankly, fuck this – but I don’t feel ready yet.
- Prozac
I think from teens to my thirties I may have been on SSRIs for 3 or 4 years. This is really a problem because it would make me quite horny (I guess?) but really suppress my orgasm. My masturbation during this time would often go on for over an hour before I could finally break through that chemical suppression and climax. I’m a little scared that Prozac etc. may have done something to permanently delay my orgasms – but it could also just be a little bit of a lack of confidence. It seems to take me too long to find that clear pathway where I believe that stimulation will lead to climax – but then again, I have managed to cum from oral sex three times this year – so it’s not all broken and I have some hope.
It has also screwed up possible romantic connections as “Yeah, I won’t be able to orgasm because Prozac blocks that in me” is not a very romantic disclosure.
- Religion
How I wish religion had never been part of my life. It seriously terrorised me and turned me against myself, my body and my desires. I have worked so hard to undo natural and healthy parts of myself. It has made me shun sex, as more evil than wanking, which has lead to an over-reliance on PMO to manage my life.
I feel permanently stunted by religion in these ways:
Experiencing desire or attraction comes with little bits of anxiety
I have a baseline belief that no one wants sex, and so I misread signals and this screws up some interactions
I have a problem expressing desire, because that makes me feel like I own it more and am therefore more vulnerable (when usually expressing desire seems to be a part of masculine strength and self-assurance)
- Gay/Queer
As a gay man you get to interact with … men! And perhaps this allows us to learn a few things that straight guys might miss. I notice that other men are far more easily aroused that I am – their dicks are hard before they even take their pants off; and this is something I want for myself. Just a bit of effortless arousal. I want to feel confident while wearing a condom – as it can often distract and disrupt thing to the point where I lose my hard-on.
- INFJ & Sex
I don’t know if personality type or preference has much of a bearing on how one approaches NoFap. I am one of the least common types for males, and this can have me feeling left out and misunderstood. One of the dilemmas for my type is sensory overload, and this is probably a trigger for me: that sight/sound/stimulation in the world just gets to be too much and so I retreat into my dark room to recover.
For sex this means that I am often distracted by stupid things like the feeling of the mattress or noises from outside – and also by my concern for how my partner is and all of their body language and expressions that just resound so strongly while I’m trying to focus. I have never had much success with sex, but in January I met a nice tourist and he managed to get me so aroused that fucking was so simple and I came after only a few minutes. I really want to do whatever I can to get back into this zone of enjoyable sex, but porn, ED and isolation all threaten this from different angles.
- Pre-cum
Has anyone experienced an increase in pre-cum production by going no-PMO? I guess it would help me get excited about not masturbating if there was some other physical/visible change that occurred. Anyway this one’s more of a random thought.
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