I came to this site in January of this year in the hopes that I would cure my PIED. I’m happy to say that I am now having great sex with my wife, and erections (both achieving and maintaining) aren’t a problem anymore. I wanted to share my story with anyone who could benefit from my situation.
I started a journal in the 40+ section on day 1 of my reboot (link here). This explains my background as well as the experiences during my first 90 days. But I wanted to use this thread to point out the most important things I’ve learned on this journey and it is my advice to you.
1. You have to WANT to change for the better – Some people could look at PIED and lament that “well, such is my cursed life” or something to that effect. But when I found out why I had lost the ability to be erect during sex, I saw it as a challenge that I was going to win. I was actually relieved that this condition could be reversed without medical help. I don’t know, maybe it was an ego thing with me, but having PIED was embarrassing and depressing. I wanted my ability back much more than I wanted porn. It’s a powerful addiction, so you’ve got to have that motivator.
2. Set out on your main goals and don’t be sidetracked by the rest – My goal (and quite frankly the goal I recommend for pretty much everyone looking to beat PIED) was to cut out porn and masturbation. After being in this forum for a couple of days, I noticed a lot of questions about sperm count, sperm retention, wet dream concerns, whether or not orgasms are healthy, are my fetishes porn-induced, does masturbating cause hair loss, where are my super powers I heard about, the list goes on and on and on. Focus on the task at hand. Stop watching porn, stop masturbating, and things will get better. I suggest avoiding “side effects” themed threads if you’re the type that finds yourself in your own head too often.
3. Stop getting psyched out about p-subs and “accidental” exposure – This is in response to the “Did I relapse?” threads. I have a rule of thumb when it comes to p-subs because they are everywhere and you can’t avoid them all the time. If I’m encountered with risqué pic of a woman, I will ask myself “did I linger on the p-sub long enough to become aroused?” If the answer is no, I’m in the clear. Then I ask myself “did the p-sub cause me to further pursue more graphic material until I watched porn?” If the answer is still no, I refer back to my rule #1: don’t watch porn or masturbate. If I didn’t do either of those, I didn’t relapse. And by the way. I went 90 days without “accidental” exposure to porn. If you’ve somehow “stumbled upon” a hardcore video clip, you were in the danger zone to begin with.
4. Find a new passion – You’ve been conditioned to spend every ounce of your free time ogling porn and satisfying your dopamine receptors. And when you quit doing that, you leave a gigantic void. You need to find something to fill that void. There’s something else out there that interests you. If you don’t believe that to be true, think back to before the time when porn ruled your world. You have to find that passion and delve into it. You have to break the habit of porn by doing something else you love and forget that porn was an option. I’m going to be honest, this might’ve been the most important step in my own recovery. I used to be obsessed with sports and stats, so I went back into some forums of my favorite sports teams, participated in the chat, provided data, discussed the NFL draft with people, made predictions, etc., and now I’m a contributor to a sports blog. It’s not for everybody, but it’s my thing. You have to find your thing.
5. Look at this stuff for what it is – A trick I learned early on was to look at your favorite porn star or whatever and imagine the shit she’s going through in this industry. At the risk of referring to a triggering subject, I’m going to tell you that I saw an article showing porn stars without makeup. It was not only eye opening, but it was mind blowing. All I’ll say is that those studios must hire the best makeup artists on the planet. Combine that with the objectification, abuse, and drugs that run rampant in that industry, and all I can do now is hope that one day those girls can get help and live a happy life.
6. Stick to the plan – This one sounds obvious, but those first 90 days seem to take forever. And it’s not easy. I can’t stress that enough. This isn’t a magic, easy fix (there is no such thing). You have to put in the work despite all of life’s obstacles. Bad things can happen in your personal world which creates a hunger for a dopamine boost. There will be urges that pop up throughout the reboot. A misconception I bought into in the beginning was that the urges will fade as time went on. Well, my desire to quench those urges with masturbation and porn are what actually faded. I was eventually out of the habit, and learned to deal with those urges and fantasies in a different way. @ILoathePorn (I hope you don’t mind me mentioning you) shared a method of dealing with these fantasies. Check out his thread on the 40+ forums. It really is a good helper for when you’ve pretty much broken the habit of watching porn and need that extra boost to keep you out of relapse territory.
I’m sure I have more advice that I forgot to mention. But another thing I’ll add to my “successful 6” is that during this first 90 days, you’ll spend a lot of time thinking about your reboot, hopefully learning about this disease but also documenting your progress. It’s a necessary evil so it’s wise to keep your journal. But I can tell you that things got even easier for me once I surpassed 90 days. I ended documenting my progress after 90 days. But I no longer had the porn or masturbation habit, so I was free to engage in the new lifestyle I had created for myself. So seriously, keep your eyes on the prize. It’s not impossible. Do the hard work and it WILL pay off. Good luck to you all!
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