Day 7
Here is my story. I am 47 and have suffered from ED my whole life. Unfortunately for me I discovered porn way before my first sexual experience. From the first time I looked at it I was hooked (my brother left a copy of Penthouse out on his bed) as there was just something so mesmerizing about it. Then, when I was about 15, I would steal porn magazines from my local convenience store. When I turned 18 was when things really took a turn for the worse as I could now get into the Pussycat Theater. My favorite genre was by far two lesbians. I also now see how getting turned on by this is about as far away from getting turned on by conventional sex that one can get.
By the time I had my first sexual experience at 21 I already been masturbating to porn for over 6 years. As you might guess I couldn’t get it up or if I could it went soft during penetration.
Fortunately for me it was also about this time that I moved out from my parents home and into an apartment with two roommates. This was a time during which I was no longer able to look at and masturbate to porn freely – and also the time I was able to have successful penetration without the ED. I found that I was meeting and having sex with so many women (probably 15 over a two year period) that I no longer had much interest in masturbating to porn. It was only after I got a place of my own that I fell back onto my old habit and the ED returned. I could now go to the local video store and rent and then masturbate to all the lesbian porn videos I wanted and no one would ever know about it.
During this time I had several girlfriends and after the initial time period of not being able to get it up I would be able to have successful intercourse with them without losing my erection. I now believe this was probably because I was not masturbating to porn during the times I was in a relationship. Now that I look back the saddest part of my addiction was that I broke up with one girlfriend I had and was having sex with partly because I wanted to go back to masturbating to lesbian porn without feeling guilty about it.
That was about 13 years ago and until recently I had not had a sexual relationship since. Something about masturbating to porn (especially now that it is all over the internet and so easily accessed) that kills the drive to meet and date women. I had opportunities but I always told myself that I “just didn’t feel like it”.
Several months ago I met someone and started a sexual relationship with her. The first time I was with her I was expecting some initial ED but this was worse than anything I have ever experienced as I couldn’t produce any erection whatsoever. I tried Viagra and Cialis and even though this initially produced an erection it went away as soon as I penetrated her. When I am inside of her it is as if her vagina feels very loose compared to the tightness I am used to with my hand.
Things have gotten better recently as I am now able to keep it half hard but I think she might be losing interest (I can’t say I blame her). All I can do is stay porn and masturbation free. I have read on here that it takes 30 to 60 days to reboot the brain from porn addiction so I still have a long way to go.
Day 57
What a journey this has been.Since I decided to give up PMO earlier this year I have made it to 6 days twice, 12 days once, 28 days once and now I am on day 57 of being PMO free.
I can say that it has been totally worth the uncomfortableness to get to this point. I have gained most if not all sensitivity back in the head of my penis. It was like a switch came back on in my nerve endings after being turned off from all my years of PMO abuse. I first noticed the change on day 52 when I was messing around with my girlfriend and felt as if I could have ejaculated if we would have kept at it (it was neither the time nor the place to find out). I have never been able to have anything but half-hard sex with her the reason being I could hardly feel anything when inside of her probably from all my years of using the death grip on myself.
I am now able to achieve a full erection to almost orgasm without porn or porn fantasy before stopping using just a light grip with my hand. What is even better is I am able to stay hard and control myself without ejaculating. I haven’t experienced this since I was a teenager. This is something I was never able to do before this reboot and as a matter of fact could never even get myself off without porn. Even when I did I was only half hard. I can now see how PMO can really mess up your brain especially when you do it for years and years.
I just want to encourage everyone else out there who is struggling with this addiction to not give up. It is so completely worth it to stay the course. I feel like a new person!
by newstart
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