I have been there. It’s a hard road if you are willing and committed to your relationship. You are dealing with a porn/masturbation addict. It doesn’t matter what you look like or how much he loves you, he has an addiction.
I have been happily married since August of last year. My husband is an addict. We struggled through our first year of dating for the reasons you wrote here for. When we first met, sex was great, frequent. Then after 3 months it slowed, he became less interested. He blamed it on stress, being tired, long days at work. I also began questioning his inability to ejaculate.
Then were the problems with ED, not being able to maintain an erection during sex at all. It got worse when he moved in with me. I am a beautiful, attractive woman-adventurous in bed. I have a high sex drive. I had a difficult time dealing with his reasons for choosing porn/masturbation over a real intimate encounter.
He would masturbate every chance he got, in the shower in the morning, in the shower after work. No wonder he never wanted or needed to have sex with me, there was no need. This was every day. Even on the weekends. He was in denial big time. At first he said that it was a habit, and that he wasn’t used to having regular sex.
He would get extremely angry when I would confront him, question him, or just try to understand. A mere conversation would turn into a fight because he was so defensive, he would explode. He didn’t think that he had a problem, he would argue that men masturbate, the variety thing, to complete denial he was even doing it. I did so much research on the Internet to learn all I could about addiction, and porn addiction. His behavior was typical of an addict (looking at porn even when not masturbating, choosing porn over partner, making excuses not to be with people to make time for porn, etc.).
I didn’t give up on him or our relationship because I love him. I wanted to marry him, but I made it clear to him that I would not marry someone who could not be committed to me. I wanted a husband who wanted to have a sexual relationship with me, not himself. This whole thing was devastating to our relationship. He had to make a choice; he had to admit it to himself. It took many long months for that to happen.
It slowly got better; he masturbated and watched porn less often. We had some issues several months after our wedding, and that is finally when he realized that once he was off porn then went back to it that he had a problem. He willingly gave me his smart phone and went to a regular cell phone. We are both very happy. He never realized how much his masturbating affected our sex…he has harder erections that last, and actually is larger-he gained inches, which makes sex awesome for me.
I loved him before, I still love him, but sex is much more satisfying for me. I have read so many blogs that encourage woman to dump their partners/husbands, to cheat, etc. If your relationship is serious and you love one another, please research, read and educate yourself on porn addiction. Fight for your relationship. If he loves you, then he will make the changes.
Addiction never goes away; it is something that has to be self-controlled. My husband is learning to control those addictions, and he stays focused knowing that he loves me and could lose me if things ever go back to the way they were.
I also want to add that he is very happy with our sex life! We have been together two years, and have been through a lot of emotional stuff already. However, I am not telling you to stay with someone who is making you unhappy. If he doesn’t admit he has a problem, if he doesn’t make changes, you will be miserable. It takes two people to make a relationship work, period.
;