Possibly NSFW
I moved from Sweden to London in January to study a semester here as an exchange student. I had had serious and incredibly frustrating ED issues before moving and this was definitely the reason for me to give NoFap a shot.
Before moving I had read a bit about this unique community and watched the “Your Brain on Porn” videos and managed to get through maybe 20 days before relapsing to oblivion. After making the move to London however, I read “The Brain That Changes Itself” and decided that I would not spend my life having fake sex with myself – either I will go out and find a girl to be with or there’s not going to be any release at all – period!
It was very challenging initially but after a while I really managed to get the thought of fapping out of my head and things were going smoothly. I made it a main priority to hang out as much as possible with my new exchange student friends because socializing is (obviously) important and something I have been struggling with previously.
And so around 2.5 – 3 months ago I got back in the “love game” 😉 First I acted truly recklessly toward a girl I thought I liked but ended up rejecting after making out a couple of times (Yes – I feel bad! But I apologized sincerely. We all make mistakes, the important thing is to learn from them). Soon after I went after the girl who had been in the back of my mind the whole time; an incredibly beautiful Cypriot/American. I am not underestimating here, her face was gorgeous, her hair was that a Greek Goddess and, well, her breast/butt/waist ratio was unbelievable!
We started off texting a lot (I sent her a message asking how she was doing the day after she had a bit of an alcoholic mishap at a club) and it turned out that we connected very well and it was easy to talk to her. It wasn’t that I had had serious problems talking to girls before or anything but it just felt natural talking to this girl.
Maybe a month or so later we were at the Ministry of Sound club here in London and, to make the story short, things got hot and heavy! I took her home to my place ready get down to business. Problem was we knew we didn’t have much time because my roommate was at the party as well and would soon be coming back (she also had a roommate, which made things inconvenient). We did get naked though and I was over the moon but couldn’t perform with all the stress.
Over the next couple of weeks we took every change to be alone together and it was wonderful. I thought I had overcome my ED problems by then since I had neither fapped nor watched any porn since early January. However, things didn’t prove to be quite so simple… I could get hard when she helped me with her hands but when we were both naked and wanting to go for something more… immersive than hand jobs I couldn’t keep it up. I was very frustrated, which certainly did not help my ability to keep a boner either, and embarrassed. I talked to her about my previous problems and said that I need to be very relaxed and comfortable around her and then hopefully it will work. Fortunately, she was very understanding and didn’t mind helping me in any way she could until I was (physically/mentally) ready to move further. Of course I didn’t neglect her needs just because I couldn’t perform though!
After spending more time together, going on dates and sleeping together etc., we finally did manage to have sex and it was awesome! It was also a great relief for both of us; I didn’t feel embarrassed anymore and she could shrug that nagging feeling of being inadequate. In fact, I became quite proud of myself after discovering my apparent natural talent for oral sex, making her come twice in a row 😉 She was impressed and surprised because few people had managed to give her an orgasm that way before, so yes – I was a proud man haha
A little over a month ago she started breaking things off with me however. She couldn’t work with the fact that she was moving to a different continent when the term ended, while I would be going back to Sweden. I wanted to keep a good thing going and tried my best at maintaining the status quo but she had her mind made up. We still hung out and texted a lot but that was pretty much it. I was frustrated/sad/angry but didn’t let those feelings get the best of me. Besides, I still hoped to fix this before we left and this hope is what kept me strictly on my NoFap journey.
Today was the day she left however and when she said her final goodbye last night I felt sad but also relived with the sense of closure. Then the fact that I didn’t have anyone to “save” myself for came over me and I chose, after quite careful consideration, to “relapse” because I just needed some release and knew it couldn’t come from someone else in a while. I did not feel miserable afterward because I knew it was a very conscious decision I made and not a compulsive “relapse” that I couldn’t hold back.
Self-control is definitely one thing I have gained over my 133 days. Self-control and a sense of pride over making a difficult decision and sticking to it and all the while not telling anyone about my struggle. The alleged superpowers often discussed in this subReddit have not been delivered to me as dramatically as for some of you guys but I have felt more “awake” and my abstinence from porn consumption has decisively changed the way think about sex and my view of women.
Most importantly however, I would not have been able to get together with the girl (a girl I first thought to be waay out of my league!) I did without NoFap and I would not have been able to finally enjoy the ecstasy and intimacy of sex with her! I believe that not fapping and not using any porn has remedied my ED problems 🙂
Thank you if you read this rather lengthy story of mine! And good luck on your own NoFap journey!
TL;DR Chose not to PMO for a whole semester abroad, ended up overcoming my ED issues and having sex with a Greek Goddess! After a deliberate release last night I am decisively staying on the path of NoFap
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