I started with Severe ED, depression and porn addiction. My life had hit rock bottom. ED for 2 years managed to screw up on-night-stands with attractive women offering themselves to me. The fear of ED put me off dating and all I got was scraps thrown at me – failed random one night stands on the one hand (never satisfying), and being an unconfident Betamale kinda guy around the few women I socially interacted with. I easily fell for a girl and fixated on the idea that if I got with her she could get me off the porn addiction and excessive masturbation, and fix my depression, and motivate me in my life – it was sad and pathetic.
I missed study, work, job interviews, meeting friends, going out, eating, sleeping – I was a porn junkie! Probably one of the worst! I’d masturbate/edge for 4 hours a day on average, sometimes (often) more. I really got into edging – holding off my first orgasm for as long as possible, and then trying to orgasm as many times as I could after that. I’d masturbate without an erection. I trained myself not to have sex normally, or even get normal erections. No wonder I got ED. And the depression was terrible. The porn addiction really started when circumstances got bad – and the two together lead to depression. Social isolation, long periods of unemployment – a wasted life despite going to one of the worlds top universities, a great supportive bunch of friends, a stable family background and a lot of natural gifts. I was a porn addicted junkie. A sad pathetic loser. I was destroying my enjoyment of everything in life – and hoarding ever more toxic porn like Golem from Lord of the rings…
I realised I had a problem and found YBOP… and then I found Nofap. And I never looked back. I treated my NoFap mission like I was literally fighting a life or death struggle – either the porn goes, or I do. That mentality got me through the first month. I wrote on paper rules for living, tasks and lists of the days achievements – every day. It was tailored to keeping me away from PMO triggers and changing the entire lifestyle I hated. I realised it wasn’t enough to change on facet. I treated it like rehab. Remedial bootcamp. A complete break with the old lifestyle.
MY RULES
I have been VERY strict with myself on Nofap. I decided I wanted to isolate my brain from sexual stimulation to allow it the most rest, the most healing, in the quickest time.
1) Not just no PMO….
2) No sexy thoughts or fantasy
3) No NSFW – if I walked past an advert in the street with a picture of a woman in a bikini, I’d avert my gaze.
4) I exercise like crazy – cardio and weights, most days
5) Minimal computer/internet/smartphone/TV
6) Total lifestyle change – early bed, early wake, walks, work, social life and reading
7) Cold Showers
8) Almost no refined sugar (I’ll eat something sweet when hanging out with a female friend to not be akward, but I cut out 99% on ‘treats’)
MY JOURNEY
To find out details about my journey, just look up my old posts on nofap – it’s all there.
MY RECOVERY
I have achieved almost every single goal I set out for:
1) ED IS CURED – My erections are regular, firm, and easy to get
2) PORN ADDICTION IS CURED – I have no interest in porn
3) DEPRESSION CURED – I have not felt this happy in years
4) LIFESTYLE CHANGE – I am once again in control of my life
5) And lately I EVEN STARTED DATING AGAIN!
Amazingly, all of this was achieved by about day 65-ish! More amazing still, it wasn’t until day 45 when I had a wet dream that things shifted a gear – before that day, I felt progress on recovering from ED was slow and thought it might take 6 months to recover. On day 44 I still feared ED was permanent!
NO FAP WORKS! Be strict with yourself and you will recover faster!
And now for the bad news… WHY I WILL RESET MY BADGE IMMINENTLY
I let myself down on day 70. Here is the story and A WARNING to over-confident fapstronaughts who think they’ve got it in the bag.
I have had some crazy blue-balls lately. Like almost unbearable. I get erections all the time, and because I felt the need to relieve some pressure by ejaculating, either through sex or a wet dream.
I arranged a date, but it was clear from the date that the girl wants to take things VERY slowly – too slow for me in my current situation. There are other issues too. She is also a big tease so that didn’t help my blue-balls situation. It made it worse.
After several weeks of on-and-off blue-balls and constant horniness and pressure in my prostate and gonads, I made a weak spur of the moment decision – I massaged my prostate to release some fluid….
THE LAPSE
I noticed recently that when I go for a shit, some cum comes out of my dick. I wanted to see if I could squeeze just a little more out to help relieve the pressure. I stuck a finger up my butt, and within minutes I had forced out a massive amount, and basically had an orgasm without touching my penis. As soon as I had started it seemed like there was no point in stopping, and I had basically lost that Iron self control – afterwards I regretted it.
By my own rules, I think that broke my Nofap code. It wasn’t normal masturbation – it wasn’t a proper orgasm – I’ve never done it before. It was odd. But I induced some kind of emission with my conscious mind. It wasn’t a wet-dream. At least it wasn’t regular masturbation or god forbid – PMO! It may have sparked the old neural pathways, but hopefully it hasn’t set my recovery too far back.
THE AFTERMATH
And it doesn’t seem to have effected me terribly – I’m still getting erections (though a lot less frequent – before it was getting to be a nuisance, and also it seems they are less hard – before they were pointing right up and firm, now they are still full erections but don’t point up, just out – so it’s like I’ve put the clock back 2-3 weeks in terms of progress). My mood is the same, and no chaser effect, though It did relieve the blue balls and prostate pressure significantly, and I’m not as horny. It doesn’t feel like I’ve gone back to square one, more like I’ve gone back a month or something.
I regret that I had the momentary lapse and massaged my prostate to get out that fluid, because I wanted to say I beat the 90 day challenge on extreme mode with no compromises.
But the thing is, I didn’t start Nofap because I think masturbation is evil. PMO addiction is. I’m a porn addict like an alcoholic is to alcohol. My intention after 90 days (or 6 months or whenever) was to tentatively establish occasional masturbation with a light touch and only mental fantasy and ABSOLUTELY NO PORN, to see how it goes. If it seemed to impact me negatively I could just quit masturbation too!
Maybe the fact I had achieved all my goals early weakened my resolve to continue for 90 more days. Especially given the chronic blue-balls. At this point, the 90 day challenge was more about pride, about an arbitrary number, and about training incredible self-control (which I do think has it’s merits). So I feel like I won a Bronze or Silver Medal in the Nopfap challenge. because I achieved everything I wanted to, except being able to boast I made it to the gold standard of 90 days. I didn’t quite make it, but I cannot see this as a failure given what an overwhelming success this has been for me! After all, YMMV. But massive respect to anyone who makes it to 90 or beyond!
THE FUTURE
I will stick to Nofap for the next 20 days MINIMUM – back like when I first started, super strict – even if I get the worst blue-balls ever, I’d rather sleep with a hippo now than do any form of masturbation what-so-ever for the next 20 days! I realised my celebration on success seems premature, but I know those considering starting out need to hear this works and can work in a do-able time-frame. That was the original concept behind the 90 days challenge itself!
BADGE RE-SET
I have not yet re-set my counter because I want people to see this post and now how far I got when I failed before I reset. I’m guilty of sometimes skimming my eyes past posts from people without a star badge next to their post. I want make sure people see this and learn from my successes and mistakes.
DO NOT EDGE IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM, and DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A FUCKING PROSTATE EXAM!
AND DO NOT GIVE UP – NOFAP WORKS – IT WORKS!!!
Tldr: Read it all scumbag
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