Just looking to share my story with someone. Its so hard to find someone I can share this with. Hopefully I can garner some help/encouragement from this community. I hope that in writing this I can help myself forget the past and move on to brighter days.
I started using porn as a 15 yrold. Same as most of you, I used it once daily. Sometimes multiple times. I never let myself get into any kind of extreme porn.
I did notice that over time it took more and more windows of porn to get me excited. Then it came to where i needed a specific genre, or position. I once caught myself looking up obscene types of porn, and then I convinced myself to take a break before it got worse.
My troubles started when I got to college. (this is the part i really wish i could talk to someone about) My freshman year, my penis just shriveled up. I had trouble going to the bathroom. And the overall condition of my penis was just dead. My balls shrunk in, and were rarely hanging out like they used to.
I knew then something was wrong. I found though that i could use fetish porn and i would acheive an erection despite the condition of my member.
This led to a pegging fetish. I found that when I stimulated my prostate I could ejaculate. So i started doing this, even though I could not maintain an erection or ejaculate from normal masturbation. This part of my spiral really messed with my head. I was confused as to why i could ejaculate from anal stimulation but not from normal masturbation.
This caused me to question sexuality at times. I am sure i am straight, but the first time I orgasmed from anal stimulation alone I felt so guilty and weird.
I continued doing this until it lost its novelty and become hard to ejaculte from anal stimulation. I felt as if my prostate had become empty, and my testicles just didnt have anything left to shoot out.
This led to months of intense searching on the internet for answers. The day i stumbled across YBOP i felt like Charlie when he found he had received the golden ticket to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate factory.
I realized what was causing the problem.
However it was around this time that I discovered reddit, and the novelty of places like r/jalbait and r/gonewild just caused my to return to masturbating. I eventually wore these things out and could no longer maintain an erection from it.
This is when i decided to get serioius about the procedure described here in NOFAp and also on YBOP.
I went for 3months without masturbating to porn, and this helped me return to normal. I felt alive, and my sexuality had returned. I could masturbate without porn. I would just get in the shower and my little guy would be ready.
This however lead me to feel overconfident and caused me to relapse. I started visitng r/gonewild again and it progressed to more porn. I hated myself afterwards, becuase I knew i had beat it, and i had recovered, and i could maintain normal erection, and i had a normal sex drive again morning boners and all….
I convinced myself that if I had anal orgasms it didnt count to i continued to prostate massage myself. But this made matters worse and recovery longer.
(if anyone is interested, i found that when you have a good prostate massage you lose all desire for sex for several WEEKS at a time, its like all of your manliness is taking out of you. Sometimes it even impossible to get an erection for days afterwards. I didnt understand these things at the time but now I do. If anyone is in a similar situation feel free to message me, i can tell you my experiences with it).
Currently i am about two weeks into my NOFAP adventure, and i already feel good. I have cut all kinds of sex stimulation out of my life.
I already had two morning boners this week. I set a date in January for myself. On this date if my body is ready, i will allow myself to fap once.
I don’t plan on giving masturbation, I do plan on GIVING UP PORN. I plan on getting my sex drive back to normal. And then limiting my fapping to once a month.
Thats my story fapbros. If anyone has had a very similar experience, please message or comment. We can help each other through this thing.
LINK – My story. The downward spiral porn put me in, and what i’m doing to get out of it.
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