I never thought of myself as truly addicted to porn, but I was vaguely aware of it shaping my expectations of sex during my adolescence. I started pornfree to challenge this, but also because I have a pretty nasty anxiety disorder which has proven to really fuck up sex with new partners. Everything that can go wrong has, at some point, gone very wrong (sometimes simultaneously- you’d be amazed); I needed as much help as I could give myself: pornfree, nofap, exercise, counseling, therapy etc. Warming up to meditation too.
Three months down the road and I realise just how strong a hold porn had over me. I’d watch it once every 1-3 days and it was all I really knew. I went out with my ex for 2 years and after a token nofap/pornfree streak (I slipped back soon after) we were able to enjoy what I thought was plenty of great sex. Well, it wasn’t. We fulfilled every mainstream porn kink, but it was the thrill of doing something a little dirty that drove it. The sex itself was quite boring. Most of all, I think it was quite empty – almost habitual: we went through the motions necessary to get both of us off and that was it.
It wasn’t until very recently that intimacy happened. The teasing and smiling and laughing part of sex no one had the courtesy to tell me about. It changed everything. Sex expanded from brute penetration to the whole process of tumbling, undressing, touching and even to the point afterwards where you chat shit for half an hour because you’re both so fucking happy. Best of all was how it helped my anxiety: I felt like I belonged to be there. I don’t know… when I was still watching porn I felt like some kind of intruder for whom they were doing a favour by allowing me to have sex with them (or to phrase it more accurately: to fuck them). Residual guilt for all the dead-eyed pornstars leaking over, I guess.
A lot of all this is to do with feeling better about yourself. There’s a tremendous amount of pressure on a guy (girls too, but in a more aesthetic way) to perform and present themselves to the standards of porn. I found out recently that the average dick size is actually just about 5.5 inches and men in my country generally last just over 3 minutes. I manage better than this (haven’t ever timed myself but let me have the dream) but I used to think of myself as useless because I don’t need two 30cm rulers to measure myself and I’m not desensitized enough to last half an hour.
So even as someone who’d never do hourly porn sessions, cutting it out of my life has made me feel so much better about myself. I had a chat with some friends about this kind of stuff and it seems they’re coming to similar conclusions. I’d say it might be the start of a new social awareness of this, but it’s probably just getting older.
THREAD – Pornfree has been a great experience
by toyrobot
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