So I made it to 90 days a few days ago. This is actually the second time I’ve done 90 days. I’ve battled with porn addiction for over three years. I wasn’t actually aware that I was addicted at first, but after I discovered that I had PIED, I decided to give up porn and masturbating, and I gotta say, it’s been no easy task. What I’ve come to discover is that willpower is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. I think that for most people, it may take some time to kick porn out their lives. But I promise that the more you say “no” to an urge, the easier it will be to say it again the next time an urge comes along. So don’t give up because with time, the stronger your willpower will become and the more determined you will be.
I still get urges from time to time, and they may remain with me for good. But it’s been so long and I’ve been through so many lows that I’m genuinely sick of porn addiction and not feeling like I’m in control of my life. I know now that giving in to any sort of urge, even just a look at a model on IG or downloading tinder again, will lead back to the same cycle of relapsing followed by a sense of hopelessness and depression.
I was actually reluctant to write this post because I wanted to be rid of all the issues that my addiction has brought me before I did. Unfortunately I’m dealing with a lot of pelvic pains and problems that I think are probably related to the issue, so I ‘m not where I want to be quite yet.
I’m naturally a bit of a pessimistic person, and although my addiction to porn has damaged my relationships with certain people, and lead to me missing out on opportunities, I’ve learnt to see the positives that issues such as this have brought into my life. My addiction to porn is actually one of the main reasons I became interested in spirituality, and I believe that it directly lead to my “spiritual awakening”, which has brought and incredible amount of joy and good into my life, and has put me in a much better place to start giving much more love and support to the people I care about. Investing more time into developing myself spiritually instead of watching porn or masturbating is probably the biggest reasons I got to 90 days. I replaced a very negative habit that has held me back with a much more positive habit that not only benefits me massively, but also the people in my life. I won’t go too much into spirituality as a whole but if you’re interested in it, r/spirituality is a good place to start.
Another positive is that I have so much more control of my life, and myself as a person. I’m able to take a step back and take the time to understand myself and why I act certain ways. I can control my urges, as well as be more aware when I’m acting in a way that doesn’t benefit me or someone else. The pelvic pains I’ve had have lead to me doing much more stretching, yoga and generally taking much more care of my body which I feel wouldn’t have happened otherwise. Basically, I’ve learnt to not be a victim of the negative things that happen to me, but to see that they’re in fact happening for me so that I am able to overcome them and be a stronger, better, healthier and more rounded person.
I’m a lot more confident now as well, and I think that shows. I care a lot less what people think and I love myself so much more. I often find myself worrying what other people think of me, and I ask myself “Wait a minute, why the fuck do I care what they think?” I struggle a lot with social anxiety and naturally worry a lot about how people perceive me, but I feel like I’m beginning to do things for myself now, not to live up to other people’s expectations. I dress how I want, I do the things I like to do, and hang with the people I love the most, and I’m so much more comfortable with myself as a result. I went out with some friends the night before last, and ended up dancing and making out with a girl who is genuinely really attractive. I haven’t had the confidence to do that for a long time, and I think it showed me that when you feel more at ease and confident with yourself and stop caring so much about what the people around you think, people can sense that and are attracted to that. I got the girl’s SC too and we’re currently making plans to meet up:)
Another point is that my PIED has completely gone. Sex is so much better for me now. It’s a much deeper experience compared to porn which is purely visual and as a result love it. Going into sex expecting to have a similar experience to what porn gives will only lead to dissatisfaction and PIED. But with time you’ll learn to love it as you’re naturally supposed to.
To summarise everything I’ve learnt from my ongoing battle:
- Remember that with time, you will become stronger, so if you’ve relapsed just now, don’t lose hope because the amazing thing is that you have another chance to fight off the urge next time it comes around, and with time it will only become easier.
- There are NO excuses. Literally anything that can potentially lead to a relapse, is out of the question, no exceptions, no excuses. You know yourself and you know that looking at that girl on IG will only lead to you ending up on that orange and black website, so why bother? Don’t even try to kid yourself otherwise.
- It’s a learning process. With time you will learn what your triggers are, what works for you in terms of avoiding them and also how porn has affected your life. It’s taken me a long time to really see the things it has impacted me and it sucks to see but it only motivates me to change and become a better person.
- Lose the victim mentality. This is happening for you, not to you. Think how much more strong and confident you’ll be when you beat this thing. I didn’t do this to get more girls or for more people to like me, but these are things that will happen as you gain control of your life, and start to feel at ease with being yourself.
Final note: I am so grateful for you guys and this community. I think that with the way things are going, the problems porn is having on society will only continue to grow and get worse. It’s become so socially accepted at this point that it’s engrained in the process of puberty from such a young age. This only means that this community will only become more important as there is no place that offers more help. We are literally at the forefront of research into porn addiction and all the issues that come with it, as it is a greatly unexplored area. We are who people turn to for help, not doctors. So let’s continue to do what we do and spread awareness of it before people fall into the same struggle we’ve had to deal with.
-Mudkip98
LINK – 90 days clean- My battle with porn addiction
by Mudkip98
;