I started watching porn when I was about 13 years old. It started like most I would assume, with just regular porn of a man and women having sex. At this point in my life I identified as a straight male. Soon after, I began developing cross dressing tendencies.
Mainly I would wear women’s underwear as it would get me sexually aroused. I would never wear them outside of when I was horny. I knew from a very young age this act was explicitly sexual and not some underlying subconscious desire I had to be a women or anything like that, as soon as I would get my release (my O) I would feel ashamed and take them off and hide them away.
It would come in waves, I would wear them a ton, then stop completely for a few weeks, then resume wearing them. So on and so forth. All while continuing to watch porn, and watch more exotic and intense porn as time went on. Eventually just wearing the underwear and watching porn wasn’t enough.
I would have to bring girls I was attracted to into the mix, I would tell them I was bi or gay or whatever, and that I wore womens underwear. I would only do this when I was horny and needed to get off, which right after I did I would completely regret it. But it was already said and they already believed it, I couldn’t go back. I then had to worry about these people telling others and so on and so forth. It only progressed.
As I continued to watch more and more intense and exotic porn, these desires and tendencies only increased. Eventually I got to the point of a PIED. I couldn’t get it up or maintain an erection with real girls. I’ve always had decent luck with women, being pretty attractive and knowing how to talk to them I never had trouble getting with them.
I stopped trying within the last year though as the last few times I tried, I couldn’t even maintain an erection despite the girls being the most attractive girls I’ve ever had the chance to be with. I knew something was wrong, and the fact I could still get hard as a rock for porn led me to search for similar situations, until I stumbled on NoFap. Well Thank god for that.
For the past few months I’ve been stopping and relapsing without any real commitment till this past week. This is the first week since that time when I was 13 that I haven’t masturbated or anything. Since then I haven’t had any of these desires, not even close. I haven’t ostracized any of my female friends, I feel so much more energetic and so much happier. and most importantly so much pride that –
- I was able to identify the problem myself.
- That I was able to stop.
- It worked!
I’ve never felt this accomplished (and not to sound like an asshole, I’ve done several things that I should feel this level of pride for in my lifetime.) It’s really a great feeling and a great accomplishment for me.
Anybody that thinks this could help them, all I can say is do it. It won’t hurt, it won’t set you back any, all it can do is move you along the path to finding your true self and being as happy as possible.
TL:DR: Porn made me think I was Bi or Gay and made me want to dress up as a girl as well as ostracizing a lot of my female friends. Stopping has caused me to lose all desire for this and be a much happier man. Thank you NoFap, you saved a very important part of me.
by Voodoopoerk
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