December 28, 2012,
Hey guys, here is my half success update – the reason that I call it half success is that it has become quite clear to me that my ED problems have two different sources, one from generalized anxiety and one from PIED. I know in my mind what caused the generalized anxiety issues but PIED could have certainly contributed to it.
For those of you not familiar with it, generalized anxiety is a relatively broad term and does not always work in the way that you probably think that anxiety works. For example, I do not have sexual issues because I am nervous or “anxious” about sex. I have issues bc my body just always feels “off”. Generally speaking, I have a heavy heartbeat, like I have too much adrenaline in my system, that just makes me feel uncomfortable (adrenaline btw inhibits arousal). This happens at all times of the day – I can be relaxing on my couch watching football with my dog and my favorite foods and having a great time mentally, but my heart will be beating like I am public speaking in front of 500 people (you just sit there clear headed and wonder “what’s going on”).
It’s basically like a chemical imbalance I guess, setting up a doc appt to follow up on this to see exactly what is going wrong. It took me a long time to realize that I was feeling that way no matter what situation I was in – it was just more prevalent during things such as sex bc sex raises your heart rate, which is why I also had issues with my heart rate after working out.
Most of the time in sexual situations I was able to achieve an erection at first, but it would fade so quickly bc I was just so damn uncomfortable, not a single sexy thought flows through your brain when you can only feel your heartbeat, trust me. So this is something I need to get sorted out, currently one of the things I’m doing is eliminate all caffeine and sugars – seems to be helping, but once again going to get this figured out with my doc.
Now on to the PIED portion bc I am sure that is what you are most interested in. I actually have seen incredible benefits from doing 5 mini reboots. I have done a 21,21,35,31 and 38 day reboots. Currently on like day 4 of what I hope to be my last reboot (have said that before, but have some new motivation). To be honest, from a PIED standpoint, I think I am 95% cured.
Here are the things that have changed:
- I wish I had taken a picture of my face and my body composition before and after the reboots. My face is MUCH more chiseled looking, my body comp has improved dramatically and this is with actually probably a slightly worse diet than usual and basically the same workout program. Fat deposits on my chest have begun to disappear, I look much harder, fuller and more muscular than before
- On a similar note, on day 28 of my last reboot, it was like something clicked for me. Idk how to describe it I just felt it. I started to get aggressive in the gym, hitting personal records like crazy, I started to notice that I was motivated at work, motivated to keep my apt clean. It’s been incredible. I have been through the dr’s ringer for low hormones before, so I’m wondering if PIED had anything to do with it and a “switch” was turned back on or something
- My erection strength is dumb in a good way. Even on days I feel mentally flatlined, I can force an erection from thought, stand up and walk around and it will take probably 2 minutes to subside. On days when I don’t have to get up early, I will often lay in bed in the morning just thinking for an hour and have an erection the entire time – yes an hour, multiple days in a row, and it feels good. Also, anytime when I feel like my anxiety is way down or gone away, I feel like a sexual beast – actually horny, have actually had sex drives I haven’t had in years.
- When I relapsed, my physical ability was still there the next day (even after PMO’ing three times in one night). Mentally I was flatlined, but once again the hard erections stayed. Idk why but this was awesomely exciting. My relapse ended up being over the course of 4 days and I still have the good erections.
- Lots of vivid dreams, some of extremely detailed porn scenes that I am watching in the dream. Idk I heard this was normal though, nothing I can do about it.
- Even though I relapsed, I’m starting to have a lot more control over this thing. My relapse was more about testing myself to be honest. I found the letter that someone posted about the Russian porn site owner condemning PMO to be really inspirational, makes me realize how dumb this whole PMO thing is. My grandfather would do such a big facepalm lol.
- Anxiety symptoms have improved, but not to the level that I think they will go away completely just bc of no PMO, but I can hope.
- Dandruff vastly improved
- Definitely notice more women
- Feel much more “in” when conversing with others, able to think more clearly and be funny, although TBH I think this was more a result of giving up sugar then it was PMO, but there is something that I feel like girls can sense – maybe it’s just the feeling of self worth you get when quitting PMO – Idk but there’s definitely something to that. I was having trouble getting girls to notice me even though I’m a decent looking guy, but after my reboots I was talking to a girl the other week and she was giving me every sign in the world. Could be coincidence, but just something inside tells you its different.
- Better sleep quality
That’s all I can think of at the moment, maybe I’ll think of more. I do not advocate the mini reboots btw, as I always thought I was probably a mild case in PIED terms. I never really escalated all that much and normal fantasy still excited me. Makes me wonder if mine was more about a period of sexual exhaustion than it was addiction, but who knows, could have been both. Well hope to figure this last part out and be on my merry way!
LINK – My half success update
BY – freefrompmo
UPDATE – Update and frustrated question
JULY 20, 2013
Ok so first the good news, I recently just complete a 26 day streak of no PMO…at the end of the 26th day, I MO’d w/o porn, breaking the streak. I did not watch porn, I will never watch porn again, and fantasy caused the erection, and it wouldn’t go away after like 30 min, so I MOd to sensation. I also gave in because after the 26 days, I really thought I was extremely close to being healed. My libido was definitely coming back, and I haven’t had one in 7 years. Here were the major changes I saw.
-Social anxiety AND generalized anxiety 95% cured – went from being somewhat introverted to literally being able to have fun talking to anyone, and no, this wasn’t some mental bullshit
– Erectile quality good, sensitivity was retardedly good, maybe too much so
– Morning wood started to appear on day 23, have had it 4 days in a row now, even after the MO
– First reaction when thinking about sex went from fear and apprehension to mostly excitement
– Erections felt very easy to attain
– I think it helps normalize all my hormones – have been losing extra weight quite easily, face is far less puffy, better strength in gym
– Fantasy completely normalized – 100% normal scenarios, would get hard with clothes still on, just making sexy talk in fantasy
– O from the MO was tremendous
So anyway, the frustrating part is I went back to feeling mostly bad after one freaking MO – I mean I didn’t really relapse per se, it was with no porn, I didn’t binge, etc. I mean it’s so frustrating. My erectile quality still feels good, but it’s like my body just isn’t having it, it’s almost like you can feel a physical barrier my body puts on to stop me from being turned on – heart rate rises and I can feel it, thoughts race sometimes, I feel mentally relaxed but it’s like my body physically won’t relax. It’s so frustrating I can’t stand it and I have some really good opportunities with women here but I’m typically not just the hook up type of guy – so what good does it do if I have sex and am successful with the girl one night, and then if she wants to have it the next night I can’t do it anymore? I mean what a mind fu&k. I’m just hoping that my body rebounds quicker from feeling like crap (anyone have experience with this?) I mean it’s been 2 days since the MO, and I do feel bad, but I do think I feel LESS bad than I would of had I relapsed a couple months ago, but idk bc I didn’t use P this time. Starting another streak, hoping I’ll be healed in another 30-60 days really bad, I have opps w/ 3 different girls, 2 of which I’m quite crazy about. Any words of encouragement are welcome! Stay strong men.
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