So yesterday I broke a nine week no-porn streak. I’m going through a bunch of shit right now, and I reasoned that watching porn would free up some willpower for other challenges.
I can’t honestly say it was a bad decision to have made, but I’m looking forward to starting my next streak soon.
BENEFITS:
a) I don’t have to clear my internet history! It was really nice to not have to hide anything at all.
b) Depression is hugely improved – my mood still fluctuates, but I never get near to the kind of soul-wrenching lows I used to get.
c) General better mood – because I’m not getting all my pleasure at once, it’s meted out more over the course of the day, which is cool.
d) I’m coming to realize that, although I’ve worked extremely hard over the past years to put myself into the position I am in now, when it comes to really fundamental things I haven’t changed at all, and that porn is (or was) sapping me of the willpower to make changes.
ADVICE: So this is really what I wanted to post, because I’ve had some realizations that I think might be new (maybe? I can’t say I’ve read every post here), and I think could really help people.
a) PERSISTENCE WORKS: I’ve tried and failed to quit for a while now, and now that I’ve had a streak that I think can be viewed as a ‘transitional’ one, I’m realizing that things I learned in the past have helped me stay strong.
b) MOTIVATION: It’s so important to have a strong motivation for quitting. I had two huge motivations – the first was to figure out my sexuality (I’ve always suspected I’m LGBT, but I always told myself I could only admit it to myself after quitting porn) and the second was because I had this snap realization that porn use was a cause and consequence of a lot of problems I’m constantly going through (won’t elaborate too much, a bit TMI). I’m not gay, but bi. and yes, the same-sex attractions continued despite being off porn, so i’ve more or less come to accept it.
Around the time of the Supreme Court decision on gay marriage, and around a time that my ‘problems’ were getting severe, I just realized I had to quit.
d) REPLACEMENT FOR PORN: It’s really important to have a replacement for porn. With me, I got lucky. I discovered this YouTuber named Rose Ellen Dix. She’s beautiful and hilarious, and I got addicted to watching her videos. I also started getting more involved in LGBT forums, which, to me, was like discovering a long-lost family. These distractions just powered me through the first 3-4 weeks of the streak with no issues (and no real temptations) whatsoever.
e) FEMALE FRIENDS: I’m assuming you have female friends that you genuinely like, respect and admire, beyond any kind of sexual feelings. If you don’t, find some! Whenever you’re tempted to watch porn, think of those female friends. It’ll make it much harder to watch without thinking about the negative effect porn has on the performers and how porn promotes a sexist worldview.
f) REFRAMING CRAVINGS: One of the things I realized during this streak was that intense temptation usually preceded a significant betterment (in terms of mood, outlook, ‘freshness’, etc). I realized that not all days off of porn are equal in terms of your brain rewiring. I honestly believe (and I have no proof for this at all) that the most dramatic improvements in your brain’s rewiring come after overcoming a big craving or temptation. This attitude has helped me overcome a lot of cravings (apart from the last one, obviously).
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