It all started when I was 11 (2011). I was in 6th grade at gym class and we were all changing back into our school clothes. In the locker room, topics such as boobs, sex, and dick size came up frequently. On that particular day, the guys started talking about masturbating, and I didn’t know what that was so I listened intently.
By the end of the day I went home knowing that in order to masturbate, I had to pull up a picture of a naked women online and stroke my dick. So I went home, pulled up private browsing on my iPod touch and pulled up a picture. It was the first time I had ever seen something so beautiful. It was the greatest thing I had ever seen. I was transfixed on the image, not to mention I got hard in a nanosecond.
So I began stroking my dick a little and quickly I felt a sensation as if I were about to pee, so I stopped right before ejaculation (the people at gym class just said to stroke it, and I didn’t get the whole concept of cumming). I didn’t want to pee in my bed, but the feeling that I was about to “pee” felt so good that I wanted to continue anyway. So I went in the kitchen and got a bowl with the intention of catching the pee in the bowl so it didn’t get on my bed. I then resumed the fap that would change life as I knew it.
I had the iPod in one hand, dick in the other, and when I was about to “pee”, my plan was to grab the bowl next to me and make use of it. I commenced jacking it and it felt like heaven. So much so, that when when I was nearing the point of “peeing” my body froze up with intense pleasure and I was unable to grab the bowl. That was the most anxious fap of my life, because when I climaxed I was expected pee to go everywhere. Imagine my surprise when there was a only a little drop of prepubescent precum to show for. And then began my (about 5 yrs.) relationship with PMO.
Chapter 2: My 5 years of PMO (2011-2016)
Over the course of 1,825 days, my fapping fluctuated with the time of year. Most of the time I fapped every other day religiously, but sometime I went twice a day and other times I abstained for stretches of time due to circumstances such as family gatherings. My record is 3 times in a day.
The reason I mostly fapped every other day is because back then, I think I had some sort of understanding that what I was doing might not be so good for me. It also helped that I have always been heavily involved in sports throughout my childhood, so sometimes I was just too tired to fap. My suspicions were confirmed when I found nofap just before I turned 13. I tried it once, failed, and then made some rationalizations that allowed me to keep jacking off. So I did for the remainder of middle school. In middle school fapping didn’t affect my life much at all. It was just something I did that felt good. In middle school I had a lot of good friends, had a girlfriend for 1 week, knew of girls that liked me, was always picked first in gym class, won class president both times I ran, and I was overall just the man. You might be asking, “what’s the problem then? You’re pmo’ing and you don’t have social anxiety and your not horrible with girls. Isn’t your life great then?” And then came highschool.
I went to a highschool far away from my middle school and I didn’t know anyone there. I didn’t have much of a problem making friends (being on sports teams helped) but I started to notice some side effects of PMO such as super low energy and I was not getting nearly as much attention from girls as before. Some nights I would come home from practice, jack off, and then fall asleep only to wake up late at night to a pile of homework that I have not even touched. This went on for a while until I had enough. I made another half hearted attempt at nofap, failing around day 20-something, rationalizing to myself that if I kept doing nofap I would have boners all day long at school and I didn’t want that. So I kept fapping.
The biggest problem that PMO caused for me was low energy. I felt like pure death every morning when waking up after getting 6-7+ hours most nights. Then I would slog through school and have to make it through practice and workouts after school. After that I would have to go home and do homework just as I was getting ready to fall dead/asleep. On more nights than I could count on my fingers and toes, I fell asleep leaving my homework undone. On top of that, I was getting concerned because I could feel my dick slowly losing sensitivity after every fap I partook in…
Chapter 3: mindset shift
The tipping point came on October 16, 2016, when I was fapping to my usual. The first sign was my dick not getting hard like it normally would to the same type of video. You know that thing that you do when you start watching porn, and you’re trying to get yourself hard so you hold your dick like this and do little baby strokes? Well I had to do that for a while before it got up to a semi-hard erection. When I finished, it was the most unsatisfying ejaculation of my life. I knew then that to get the same dopamine rush that I previously experienced, I would have to progress to more hardcore videos, and that was not a road that I wanted to go down. So I stopped.
I told myself that I wouldn’t fap again no matter what for at least 90 days. Even if I walked around school with the biggest hardest boner in the world all day long every day, I would not give in. All of a sudden, I was determined. Nothing could stop me.
By day 11 I was already celebrating 90 days because I already knew I was going to make it. It was a fact in my mind. Even if I were at home all day in my room alone with nothing to do but jack off, I would not do it.
For me, the key to nofap hasn’t been meditating, cold showers and all that other stuff. Unfortunately I didn’t do any of that. The key for me has been raw willpower.
This is why I don’t believe in triggers. If you have the will to succeed, absolutely nothing can make you masturbate. Not boredom, not pictures or videos, not breaking up with your girlfriend, and definitely not because you’re feeling any type of way because of anything at all. Nothing can trigger you to jack off because you are incapable of preforming the act at all.
Why are you incapable? Because you made a promise to yourself. If you’ve ever relapsed ever, it wasn’t because of any triggers, it was because of you. You were weak willed and didn’t want it bad enough. You were a beta male. Your really a fucking bitch boy if you can’t keep your word to yourself and do what the fuck you say your going to do. IF YOU SAY YOU TELL YOURSELF THAT YOUR NOT GOING TO TOUCH YOUR DICK FOR 90 DAYS THEN DON’T DO IT. Grow the fuck up and start honoring your promises.
Adopting that mentality has brought me here, and it will bring me anywhere I want to go because I can do anything that set my mind to and you can too.
Chapter 4: benefits
- energy, of course
One of my favorite benefits is that I don’t feel groggy and like death when I wake up. I have tons of energy overall. There was this one time at around day 40 when I was at football practice. I was doing a board drill (1 on 1 drill that linemen do. Both trying to push each other back) with a senior starter that was about my size and was known for beating guys a lot bigger than him. I blew him back surprising everyone. I had never done that before.
- facial hair development and deeper voice
Not sure this is because of nofap or because I’m 16 and this was going to happen anyway
- Virility
I walk around life feeling like the man now. There’s nothing I can’t do and no one I can’t beat. (Of course this is all in my head and on the outside I stay humble)
- music sounds better
It really does
- girls look better
Girls in my class I paid no mind to before are starting to looking mighty fine.
- mental clarity
I remember what I was just thinking about and I don’t stumble over my word as much as before.
- Social life/anxiety
I never really had a problem but since nofap I really started to cut fake meaningless people out of my life that I was too weak to cut out before. Instagram went goodbye and I removed more than half of my Snapchat ‘friends’.
Conclusion if there’s a will there’s a way and if you relapse, there’s nothing or no one to blame but yourself. If you relapse you are a pussyboy beta male.
LINK – Nofap coming of age story; 90 day report,16m
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