Today, I have won a major victory against the monster that is PMO. This demon, is the most powerful. It corrupts children from a young age, and everyone thinks it’s normal. Well they thought wrong. PMO has destroyed my early teen years. It gave me symptoms such as social anxiety, depression, lack of energy, lack of drive, and it took away all emotion good and bad.
I was a husk of my former self. A zombie. I went through this for three long years. Three. Fucking. Years. One day, I saw a video on Youtube called “Porn is Poison To Your Penis” and for the first time, I realized something was wrong with me. This is when my first streak started. It lasted for a few days then ended in a month long binge. One day, I grew tired of the bullshit. I quit. 11 days later I almost slipped. That is when I arrived here. But unfortunately, 16 days later I lost the battle again. And yet another binge.
As I lay there, after what would be my last orgasm from scat porn, I was devastated. That last sentence may have shocked you. But I’ve had it. I never have outright said my worst fetish. I always used emojis or just sugarcoated it somehow. But I’m done with that. I’m not the coward I was at that moment. I came back to my support group on KIK, and it was the hardest thing to tell them. And of course, the relapse itself wasn’t so bad. But the embarrassment of the others knowing I was a fuck up is what got me. I felt like a loser. And I was. But all this time later, I can sayt hat I’m a lot less of a loser now. It was the hardest thing in my life, to go all this time without that sensation. But I am proud to say, that tonight it has been officially 90 days since that horrible night.
You might be expecting me to be a god now, like I haven’t a problem in the world. Well that’s not true. I made a post bragging about how I reached 30 days. It was mostly exaggerated. And those feelings were temporary. I fell back into depression after a few days. If there is one thing I could teach you about NoFap, it would be this: NoFap isn’t gonna fix all your problems. Not even close. NoFap is highly overrated. Have you seen the subreddit? It’s all a bunch of bullshit.
Although NoFap isn’t gonna change your life there is a catch. It gives you the motivation to change your life around, and remove the bullshit. And from that motivation my life has been saved. I used to be a shy little boy, involved with nothing outside of jacking off and the occasional videogame. Now, I’m a beast in my beginner guitar class, I go to guitar club every Tuesday and I go to Dungeons and Dragons games on Wednesdays. I have become so much more independent from my oppressive parents. They don’t drive me to these things. I use my bike. And I used to stress so much about classes I didn’t like, but now? Fuck it. Fuck Physics and Algebra 2. I just need the D- and I’ll pass.
Getting here was not so easy. I saw porn twice and even masturbated for 20 seconds once and I paid the price. It made things ten times harder. This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Since I was a kid, my life has been handed to me on a silver platter. But I’m bored of that. I have taken control. I’m in charge now. I have gone from the submissive, to being in control of myself.
And you can be too. Why would you let yourself become a slave to a computer? Slave to some fuckers on a screen that don’t love you? Don’t you want control? It’s easier than you think. You just have to believe in yourself, and then you will put your enemies to shame.
I’m not good with speeches, so I will now announce my future plans. There are a few habits I would like to get rid of now they include:
- Scratching my balls too much
- Not getting enough sleep
- Not brushing my teeth at night
- Not keeping up with cleaning in my room
- I don’t do enough homework
- My grades are horrible
- I spend too much time on NoFap
- I procrastinate with everything onEarth
I want to improve myself by getting rid of some of these bad habits.
You may already know about an event I had in the shower, but I’ll tell you again if you haven’t heard:
I know I’ll get shit for doing this, but I fantasized. But it wasn’t about “that”. And this may be TMI but I’ll say it anyway: although it took a long time, I was finally able to get a full erection from fantasizing about “vanilla” things. That may not seem like much but it’s awesome for me.
Because of this, I think I am ready. I think I am ready to start dating. There isn’t really a girl I like yet, but I know I will like someone soon, especially now with those fetishes fading. Wish me luck.
Lastly, my plans for the next few days. Tomorrow, I will go to Dungeons and Dragons. I will go on a new route there as well. And the next day I’m headed up to my family’s cabin again. I will not come online at all during that time. I will go on Rtribe once a day to say I’m ok and I will get one of my friends on Rtribe to relaythat information to my groups. I need to not rely on this so much, and in a controlled environment like up north, it’s gonna be a lot harder to relapse. Wish me luck!
Today, your good friend Walter has ascended from being a kid, to being a teenager. I am still immature, but Iam growing up now. Life is good.
I went from a loser boy, whose only purpose in life was to give his seed to people he didn’t know. To a badass guy, who’s still got a lot of problems, but the biggest one is removed and he has motivation to fix everything else wrong in his life. If that little boy can do it, then so can you.
I want to thank everyone reading this for helping me on this journey. Whether you’ve known me from the start, the middle, just the last few days or even are tuning in for the first time you still helped and will continue the help. I needed it. But I don’t need it anymore! Not in a bad way, your help is still appreciated ;-). Thank you all, and have a good day or night or whatever time you’re in!
“Do not pray for easy lives my friends, pray to be, stronger men!”
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