As cliched as it sounds, I never actually imagined reaching 90 days PMO free, it had just become such a regular part of my life. At first, I thought I was unhappy for no reason, and porn was completely normal thing for a 17, now 18 year old guy to watch
But since then, I’ve realised that it only made me feel worse. I was so weak to the urges, because it was an easy escape from real problems. I used to think it felt good, but now I can’t even imagine why; it’s more a numbness than pleasure.
I can’t even remember how I found out about this subreddit, but I do know at first I dismissed it as nonsense. But as that feeling of regret and disappointment ate away at my gut, growing worse after every hour long session, I knew I wanted to do something. I decided to try out NoFap, but loosely. I would go a few days without PMO and think ‘that’s good, I’ll have one now. At least it’s not every day’. I thought this was good enough; wrong. During my exam period, I went two weeks without it, and felt great, but at the time I put it down to finally finishing my exams, instead of NoFap, and fell right back into porn. That feeling just wouldn’t go away though, so I decided, a good month later, to quit for real this time.
The first two weeks were the hardest. Once you tell yourself you won’t do something, it seems temptation to do it appears out of nowhere. The worst day was the first day of my summer holidays. All day at school, in my head, I’d been convincing myself I wouldn’t give in, that it would ruin my whole mood over summer, and set the tone for the next six weeks. Lo and behold, an empty house seemed too good to resist, and I had the porn up ready on my laptop, an hour after getting home. But then, I heard that little voice at the back of my head, the voice of reason, whisper ‘you know how bad you’ll feel afterwards’. So instead of jerking off to some woman I don’t know, I clicked the NoFap panic button, which I made my homepage button (I’d recommend to anyone struggling to do that), and didn’t touch my dick.
I was right, it did set the tone for my summer. For the first time since I discovered it, I did not masturbate all summer. Every day I’d wake up to a cold shower and tell myself ‘I do not watch porn’. I’ve been much more productive, learning to play guitar, actually reading books for class, simply hanging out with friends. Slowly, I’m trying to improve myself, be kinder to people, broaden my views and opinions, and make new friends. Most of my friends who know about my NoFap ignore me or take the piss, but I really couldn’t care less any more. I’m happier, and if porn isn’t a problem for them, then I don’t expect them to understand. I do think a few of them do, but won’t admit it though. I do this for me, no one else.
I know that reaching 90 days don’t mean I’m ‘cured’ of the addiction, but I am truly proud of what I’ve done. In all honesty, I didn’t realise I was approaching 90 days until a few days ago, when I went to check. I think it’s a good thing if we don’t realise, because it shows how NoFap is not actually in control of us; it is simply a choice we make that allows us to pursue better things in our lives. If we let it consume us, and all we do is spend all our time on this website, it’s really not much better than the porn we try so hard to quit.
If you’re having a tough day, or are feeling urges, know that they’ll pass. I believe every one of us is capable of making it to 90 days and more. No one has gotten this far without a few setbacks along the way, remember that it doesn’t make you weaker.
Thanks for reading!
LINK – 90 day report
by critic456
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